How to break up with your husband painlessly and start a new life

In this article we will tell you:

1. 7 signs of an impending divorce
2. Good reasons for divorce
3. 5 tips on how to decide to divorce your husband
4. Ways to divorce your husband without scandal
5. Unusual options for divorcing your husband without scandal
6. 6 tricks to provoke your husband into divorce
7. Divorce without scandal if the husband is a tyrant
8. Important moments of separation without scandal

Years spent in marriage change the relationship between people. Falling in love, passion, love are the companions of the first years of marriage. Getting used to a person, we see him without the aura of romance with all the shortcomings and flaws. The wisest women, putting family above all else, put up with these shortcomings for the sake of domestic well-being.

But if life with her husband in recent years has resembled neighbors, and the woman feels that she would like to experience love and passion, she decides to break off the relationship. This is not always easy, because each of us considers it our mission to preserve the family hearth. But if the decision is well thought out, you will find our advice useful on how to divorce your husband without a scandal.

Why do you want to break up with your husband?

Family relationships are influenced by many factors, both political and personal or social. These include the characteristics of upbringing, religion, traditions, the character of each partner, as well as their personal goals.

READ How to tell your wife about divorce: preparation and advice from a psychologist

The following reasons push you to want to break up with your husband:

• rash marriage;
• betrayal;
• search for new sensations;
• sexual dissatisfaction;
• birth of a child;
• incompatibility of characters;
• household troubles;
• bad habits.

Many young people rush to get married without thinking about what awaits them in their family life. Time passes, the euphoria fades, and everyday married life begins, which does not meet the expectations of the partners. Bored with each other, or experiencing sexual dissatisfaction, spouses sometimes look for new sensations, and this can lead to betrayal. It is considered one of the common causes of divorce.

READ What should a child do if his parents are getting divorced?

The appearance of a child in a family changes the way of life of the family. We need to adapt again to the new regime and circumstances. Those who find it difficult to adapt to new conditions are stressed, often give up and want to get a divorce.

The different interests of spouses, as well as the inability to respect them, lead to scandals. For example, it is difficult for a wife to understand her husband’s desire to go fishing, and the husband rejects the TV series that his wife watches. Scattered socks or missing dinner can also lead to thoughts of divorce.

The bad habits of one of the spouses make life unbearable. Living with a husband who is an alcoholic, a brawler, or a drug addict is unpleasant, even dangerous. If other problems can be solved, then these are simply useless, because people with such habits almost never change.

The negative impact of scandals on children

The family environment always affects the development of a child. The relationship between a child and his parents influences his entire subsequent life, as well as mental health.

The child always remembers how parents communicate with each other and builds his own relationships in the future on the basis of this. Swearing and quarrels at home affect school performance, because it is quite difficult to concentrate in such conditions and the child cannot isolate himself from his parents emotionally.

Worrying about parents who get angry, scream or don’t talk at all, the child is in a constant state of stress, which cannot but affect his state of mind.

Not only the psychological, but also the physical health of children can deteriorate due to conflicts and scandals at home. Research by scientists in different countries has shown that already at the age of six months, a child who hears his parents quarreling produces the stress hormone cortisol and his heartbeat increases. It's worth thinking about this before you start arguing.

When family conflicts become persistent, children at any age may experience sleep disturbances, anxiety, depression, and even signs of abnormal brain development, not to mention social and academic problems.

When parents seem to live amicably, but sometimes allow themselves outbursts of mutual anger and scandals, children may encounter similar problems, but for children growing up in families where everything is fine, this does not happen or happens, but extremely rarely.

Previously, it was believed that children reacted extremely poorly to divorce, so some parents tried with all their might to maintain the appearance of a family and did not leave, even despite constant conflicts and mutual hostility.

Now the situation has changed: psychologists are sure that it is not so much the separation of mom and dad as their quarrels that harm children.

It was also previously believed that a genetic factor has a great influence on the psychological health of a child.

Indeed, heredity largely determines whether a person will be susceptible to anxiety, depression, even psychosis in the future. However, the importance of home environment and upbringing cannot be underestimated.

An unhealthy family environment can aggravate the tendency to mental illness, but a good, peaceful relationship between parents can do the opposite. At the same time, it does not matter at all whether mom and dad live under the same roof or separately, whether they are relatives of the child or adopted. The main thing is not this, but how they communicate with each other.

The problem cannot always be solved by breaking up

Family relationships cannot be ideal.
There will always be some trait in a partner that will irritate and cause dissatisfaction. For example, a husband helps cook, but does not give flowers, or is good in bed, but does not know how to support his wife psychologically. Having broken off one such relationship, you are likely to encounter problems in others. Let's say another man helps around the house, gives flowers and supports his wife, but she is bored with him in bed. That is, care alone will not solve the essence of the problem. Before you leave, you need to decide what you want to come to.

What is a green breakup?

The concept of “painlessness” in the case of termination of a relationship can include two elements:

• Lack of traumatic experience during a breakup.
• Lack of acute painful experiences after leaving a relationship.

The parting can be called calm if both points were present. Reality proves that such a similar combination of circumstances is rather an exception to the rule.

Continuing communication between ex-partners is not an indicator of a healthy separation. This can often mean that one of the couple is still feeling attached.

In practice, people are often in illusions. Stopping interaction with a person on the factual and physical levels is one thing. Breaking an emotional connection with a person whom you considered close is completely different.

But even in theory, an absolutely peaceful separation is not always possible.

How to leave if you lack determination

It is easier to divorce your husband if he is addicted to alcohol or drugs and raises his hand against his wife and child. It’s more difficult if the spouse is good, but the feelings have passed. But in any case, fear of the future will prevail, and this is quite natural.

READ How to tell your husband about divorce: advice from a psychologist

Indecisiveness can be explained by the following factors:

• no housing;
• lack of work and livelihood;
• emotional attachment;
• fear of condemnation from society.

The most important argument for the lack of determination to get a divorce is financial dependence. Before you go, it's worth preparing. To do this, you should get an education, if you don’t have it and it is necessary. Find a job or change it to one where the salary is higher, and also decide where to live. If the latter is difficult, then you can ask for help and support from loved ones. Having prepared the ground for a new life, it will be easier to leave.

Having lived with your spouse for several years, having experienced many memorable events together, having learned his habits, an emotional attachment arises. It becomes a pity to leave your partner, it’s already scary to change something in life and get used to something new.

READ How to forget your wife after a divorce: advice from psychologists

If you want to part with your once beloved husband, you need to think carefully and listen to yourself whether this desire actually exists. Perhaps this is what relatives or friends want, but what if it’s fear of what people around them will say and think. You need to decide who needs to do well - yourself or others.

If there are children

It is even more difficult to decide to separate from your spouse when there are children in the family. Many couples believe that for the sake of their happiness they need to sacrifice themselves by maintaining the relationship. Actually this is not true. If the parents are unhappy, the child sees and feels it. He becomes uncomfortable in such a family; he develops an erroneous model of family relationships.

If leaving your spouse is a foregone conclusion, then it should be done not emotionally, but thoughtfully and consciously. Regardless of the child’s age, you need to have a serious conversation with him. This must be done without insulting the father; the child must retain a feeling of respect for him. When he becomes an adult, he will form his own point of view about what happened.

How to talk to your husband about divorce

It is difficult to decide to have a frank conversation when you doubt how you can separate from your husband without a scandal. Doubts and fears overwhelm him about how he will react, whether he will scream or take everything calmly. It is important to do without shouting and not turn the conversation into a scandal. It is much better to conduct it in a tactful manner, without mutual accusations. The tone should be calm, confident and firm, the gaze should be directed into the eyes of the interlocutor.

If you managed to endure a peaceful conversation, you should thank him for accepting his wife’s decision and for the good moments that we had in our life together. He may not have become bad, the partners just went their separate ways.

READ How to survive a divorce from a loved one: advice from a psychologist

It often happens that, not wanting to let his wife go, the husband begins to shout and insult her. A woman should remain calm, wait until he calms down and is ready to continue the conversation, or leave without mutual reproaches, but not shout back.

It is necessary to talk about divorce in the absence of children and strangers. But if there is a risk that the husband may attack his wife in anger, then it is better to talk in a place where there are people.

Conclusion

Divorce is a very complex, emotionally difficult event; it should be carried out without scandal, with the greatest possible goodwill towards the husband, both in the presence of children and after infidelity. A calm divorce process will allow you to take into account all the nuances, extract maximum benefit, and maintain good relations between people who were recently related to each other. It is quite normal to feel negative emotions towards your ex-spouse, but a wise woman will never show her weakness. The method of “psychological aikido” will help to cope with provocations. The point is to be as indifferent as possible to attacks, which, without mutual reinforcement, morally exhaust the enemy.

How did you cope with your feelings during the breakup? Were you able to maintain friendly communication with your spouse? Share in the comments.

What not to do when separating from your husband

When the conversation about divorce is behind us, all that remains is to pack your things and leave. Now we need to learn to live differently. It is enough to adhere to the following points in order to properly separate from your husband:

• refrain from sending him letters and calls;
• refuse the offer to remain friends;
• put aside feelings of guilt and shame;
• do not idealize your ex-husband;
• stop hunting other men
• stop crying;
• don't involve children.

After a divorce, many women call their exes to share feelings or emotions, talk about plans or achievements.
Psychologists have concluded that it is easier to recover from a divorce for those people who limit communication with former partners or stop it altogether. The wife's offer to remain friends with her husband after the divorce removes some of the guilt from her, but gives her husband hope for renewing the relationship. Therefore, if one of the partners decides to get a divorce, the idea of ​​remaining friends should be abandoned.

Often, when parting with their husbands, wives begin to delve into themselves, looking for mistakes and shortcomings that caused the breakup. This threatens that the separation will be painful, and the path for new relationships will be closed.

After a divorce, many women begin to miss their ex-husbands and are drawn back to them. Although before that they were no longer satisfied with much in the relationship, they dreamed of breaking up. You need to pull yourself together and open up to a new life and the events in it. If the past relationship had been so good, the breakup would not have happened.

Having separated from her husband, a woman wants to increase her self-esteem and rushes in search of other men. But this method can bring even more negative emotions, because comparisons will begin between the new gentlemen and the ex-husband. It often happens that the latter is a priority.

When discussing a divorce with your husband, you need to restrain yourself from tears: they will make your husband think that his wife doubts her decision. And most importantly, you should not involve children in this unpleasant process. They sense tension between their parents and begin to feel guilty about it. The reason for the separation should be explained to the children so that they understand that it is not their fault.

Make your own decisions

The breakup of a relationship is not always accompanied by accusations, hysterics and breaking dishes. It happens that, after living with a man for many years, you suddenly realize that you love someone else. No one is immune from this. However, current relationships often prevent us from taking a step towards our destiny.

This means that we must go through a thorny period of uncertainty - either you can find happiness with a new person and new feelings, or there will be bitter disappointment. In addition, someone will have to change their daily habits, someone will have to get used to other people's children. In short, it is extremely difficult to leave your usual comfort zone.

On the topic: 6 signs that your partner has decided to end the relationship.

How to survive a divorce

Going through a divorce is always difficult and scary, and it doesn’t matter whether feelings remain or not. Such a step means the beginning of a new life, changing habits, daily routine, new connections and acquaintances. It takes time to adapt to new conditions. And not everyone knows how to carry it out so that breaking up with your husband is painless.

During this period you can:

1. Meet with friends, acquaintances and relatives. It's enough just to walk around the city or sit in a coffee shop. And also increase the time spent with the child.
2. Spend time on your hobbies: books, theater, cinema, handicrafts.
3. Learn something new. This could be knitting, cutting and sewing courses, or classes at a driving school. Today it is fashionable to make pottery, and courses have appeared to teach this craft.
4. Workout. The time spent at the stove has now been reduced, so it is useful to fill your free time with yoga or going to the pool, gym, or just going for a run.

In addition, there are techniques that you can use to ease your psychological and emotional state after a divorce, for example, a letter to your husband. It is necessary to state in it everything that worries, irritates or angers, but under no circumstances should you send it.

Hitting a punching bag or pillow will relieve emotional stress. You can shout loudly or tear up a stack of papers.

About whether to return

There are cases when, after a divorce, former spouses begin to live together again, register their marriage again and give birth to children. But before that, you should think about why the separation from your husband occurred and what is expected from the renewed relationship.

If the ex-spouse was a drug addict or alcoholic, raised his hand against his wife and children, and constantly cheated, then you will not want to return to such a relationship. Yes, and it shouldn’t be, but everyone decides for themselves.

You can try to renew the relationship if the breakup occurred due to misunderstandings or minor conflicts when neither spouse wanted to make concessions. This is all fixable if both are ready for reconciliation, but this must be done gradually, as they say, from scratch.

Thus, a woman’s desire to leave her husband can arise for many reasons. However, divorce will not always solve problems. If, nevertheless, it is inevitable, you should calmly discuss it with your partner, without involving children, and open up to a new life.

Useful video

From this video you will learn how to properly get out of a destructive relationship:

Parting is always difficult, but after it there always comes a moment of enlightenment . In psychology, this moment is called catharsis - healing through living a negative experience. This is an inevitable and necessary stage of human life.

At this moment, new perspectives and personal possibilities open up before a person, and he becomes convinced that his decision is correct . A person begins to pay attention to the “signs of fate”, to notice its signals and messages. The colors of the world are becoming brighter, and this means that the journey of life continues, and past relationships will remain only pleasant memories.