Dependence on public opinion is a factor that destroys personality: we overcome self-doubt
People have always cared about the opinions of others. Previously, they tried to dress up and stand out in order to emphasize their status, but now everything is much more complicated. Social media forces us to look at how others live. And it seems to us that they live much better than us. Therefore, people seem to compete in pictures of life: food, vacation, family, relationships, travel.
We don’t want to lose face and start creating a beautiful picture, chasing an image. As a result, we try to seem, not to be.
And all these actions are related to public opinion. We want others to see that we are no worse, we are the same (and maybe even better). But is it? Does it bring happiness and satisfaction?
Often not, because there will always be those who are better and those who are worse.
How to cope with dependence on other people's opinions:
- We must admit: no one cares about someone else’s life. Basically, everything we do, we do to prove our importance or success, first of all, to ourselves. Each person is busy with his own affairs.
- Secondly, successful people are more likely to evoke envy and negative emotions than positive ones. This is how people are made.
- Don't be afraid of other people's opinions. Do you want to give up going to a corporate party, but are you afraid of offending people? The sad (or perhaps not so sad) truth is that your colleagues probably won’t care.
Stay true to yourself and your interests. Do what you think is necessary and what makes you comfortable.
What not to do?
● Reaction to expectations. Don't try to please everyone. This way you definitely won’t be able to improve your self-esteem. Just because you don't pay attention to other people's opinions doesn't mean you don't care. This means that you are comfortable being yourself.
● Self-hypnosis classes. Don't try to convince yourself that everything is fine. Situations can be negative - this is normal. A good way to quickly increase self-esteem is to respond to them correctly.
Psychologist Jennifer Crocker from Ohio State University advises that in any incomprehensible situation, pay attention inward and answer the questions: “What do I want to prove to others in this situation? What do I want to buy? What am I afraid of losing? As a result, instead of the deceptive mask of “everything is fine,” you will gain a real understanding of the situation and will be able to act more effectively.
● Refusal of emotions. They wonder how they can raise their self-esteem, some fence themselves off from everything with a stone wall. No emotions - no complexes. But it's not right. For example, always remember that constructive criticism is good, it is not a personality assessment, it is an instruction for improvement. You can and should respond to it.
Mark Manson, author of the popular self-help book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”: “There is no such thing as not caring about anything.” The only question is how to distribute your concern. There are only so many things we can care about in a lifetime, so we need to choose wisely.
● Projection of failures in one area onto another . Just because one date didn't work out doesn't mean you have to give up the next one. If you are bad at one job, this does not mean that you should not prove yourself in another.
Upon admission to ETH Zurich, Albert Einstein passed technical subjects with flying colors, but failed the rest and was not accepted. He then went to a cantonal school, where the emphasis was on practice and conceptual thinking, and excelled in his studies. After that, he was calmly taken to Zurich. Imagine what would have happened to science if he had given up after the first failure?
Back to Contents
How to become more self-confident - practical exercises
Try to make a list of your achievements and successes. Graduated from university or college, got the desired education or job? Put it on the list. Do you know a foreign language? This is wonderful. Are you proud to become a mother? Be sure to record this. Then hang this list in a visible place and re-read it regularly.
Similarly, you can record your daily achievements.
Try to find the reason for your low self-esteem. It's like with diseases. You can reduce the symptoms, but the virus will remain and will again and again poison a person’s life.
Affirmations
Affirmations are short statements that are recommended to be repeated throughout the day to achieve the desired state of mind. This is not a conspiracy or prayer for self-confidence, but a psychological exercise that directly affects the subconscious.
Affirmations are formulated as follows:
- choose a statement that resonates with your inner state, or make one up. The statement should consist of several words and be extremely concise, for example: “I believe in myself and achieve everything I want”;
- write the statement on paper and hang it in a visible place, such as above your office desk or on the refrigerator;
- Repeat the affirmation to yourself 20-30 times every day. You can do this any time you want.
It is important that the affirmation gives you an inner lift and charges you with a good mood. Soon you will notice that your self-esteem is growing and your achievements are increasing.
How to find yourself and learn to manage your self-esteem
Many people do something they don’t like, go to work as if it’s hard labor and dream that the day will end as soon as possible. And all because we do not approach the choice of profession properly.
People are not used to spending enough time searching for something “their own.” Their search probably ended at school. Do you like math? Apply to become an engineer. They don’t even think that they can change jobs and professions throughout their lives.
Due to dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with oneself also increases. Due to the fact that a person feels as if he has achieved nothing and is not capable of anything, his self-esteem drops.
In this case, you need to highlight several areas of interest, study them and try yourself until you find your calling.
Self-esteem and professional activity are closely related. People feel more confident when they achieve some results and enjoy their activities.
Surround yourself with positive people
Avoid the company of people who are constantly unhappy with something. Believe me, they will not help you improve your self-esteem. Limit contacts with pessimistic, insecure individuals who are always complaining and making claims. It is better to surround yourself with those who always try to see the good in everything. And make it your habit yourself. After all, by sowing the seeds of goodness and positivity, you will reap a good harvest of positive emotions and events.
Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today
Answer the following few questions. If the answer to most of them is positive, then it’s time to start working on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself. Go.
- Do you compare yourself to other people and always lose?
- Are you jealous of other people?
- Do you often complain about life and feel sorry for yourself?
- Do you live in the past, cherishing good moments, or yearning for missed opportunities?
- Do you feel like your loved ones don’t value you or your work?
- Are you experiencing difficulties in romantic relationships?
- Are you afraid to meet people and think that you are not worthy of true love?
- Constantly wondering what others will think?
- Do you find it difficult to make decisions, do you always doubt whether you are making the right choice?
- Is it hard for you to refuse people their requests?
If most of these questions seem crazy to you, then your self-esteem is fine. And if you see yourself in them, then you understand perfectly well how much this poisons life, and that it’s time to change it.
How to increase self-esteem and attract success
Stable adequate self-esteem is important for achieving success. Imagine: two people come for an interview at a company. They are asked to solve a problem. One demonstrates his confidence that he knows how to deal with it. His facial expressions, gaze, body language simply scream confidence. The other person also knows how to solve the problem, but he stands quietly, calmly, slightly hunched over.
Who do you think will be offered the job?
Uncertainty is like a signal to others. If a person is not confident in himself and his skills, then there are probably reasons for this? After all, who knows him better than himself? Why should we choose it?
This opinion is quite controversial, but some people really think so. Therefore, the first step towards success in any field is gaining self-confidence. We wrote about the methods a little higher.
Get out of your comfort zone
Stop leading a monotonous lifestyle. Challenge yourself! It is the exit from the comfort zone that gives a person determination, self-confidence, and reveals his hidden potential. If you want development, then you need to try something new and not be afraid to take the first step. We all face difficulties. However, each of us perceives them differently. Some people give in to them, while others try to overcome them. See all obstacles in your life as opportunities for further growth, not limitations.
How to increase your child's self-esteem
Most parents still realize the importance of adequate self-esteem and think about how to instill confidence in their child from childhood. What is needed for this:
- Give the child the right to choose. Let him decide what to wear outside or what to play with.
- Allow your child to have his own point of view, even if you disagree. Teach him to analyze
- Under no circumstances should you compare your child with other children.
- Allow your child to do something important. This way he will feel his importance in the world.
- Always support your child. Even if he failed, praise is the best incentive to move on.
- Don't criticize your child
- Teach your child to accept victories and defeats correctly
- Learn to express your emotions
Why raise
As a rule, girls are more prone to low self-esteem. This is due to the sensitivity of girls and improper upbringing in childhood. You can often hear: “Ugh, you’re a coward!”, or parents say: “Oh, you’re shy!” These labels are reinforced by some other phrases from the boys at school. And thus the cute little girl turns into a depressed child with low self-esteem.
The same thing can happen with boys when dad tries to show his friends what a “brave guy” he is, “a brave and fast son.” Not all boys live up to these expectations, which results in disappointment for dads and low self-esteem for sons.
Such children, like a snowball, pick up other people's labels and nicknames and succeed in accumulating complexes and barriers. As adults, they pay excessive attention to the assessment of others and their approval. In this case, it is more difficult for a man, since the stronger sex is expected to be decisive, responsible and confident.
We come to the main question of the section: “Why, after all, increase self-esteem?” Adequate self-esteem opens up the opportunity for a person to feel free from human judgment, confident in making decisions, and proactive in communication and work. It is these important skills that are the basis for the development of emotional intelligence, which is very important for a successful life.
How to become a confident woman
How do you imagine a confident woman? She is attractive, has beautiful hair, has perfect posture and an hourglass figure. Such women force you to follow them with your gaze. How to become the same?
Above we wrote about points that will help increase self-esteem, but we practically did not touch upon appearance. But it plays a huge role in matters of self-confidence. Yes, accepting yourself for who you are is normal and important, but what if it concerns your health?
Our posture greatly influences how other people perceive us. People with beautiful, straight backs always enjoy great success. But how to correct your posture?
This is where a roller comes to the rescue. Watch a video on how to lie on it correctly:
There is also a great exercise for the back with a foam roll:
Trainings
Good results can be achieved if you sign up for psychological training “How to increase self-esteem” (variant names are allowed), which are organized by specialized specialists. They can be group or individual. As practice shows, if the situation is not advanced, the first option is preferable.
They usually last 1-2 hours and involve performing exercises in a playful way. For example, a psychologist can offer in a circle to all participants (usually there are 6-10 people):
- define your mood in one word (color);
- talk about your positive qualities (who has more);
- advertise yourself using various means (who is better);
- find 5-10 positive qualities in the person sitting opposite you (not just invented ones, but real ones);
- play “I am the king”: each participant becomes a ruler for 5 minutes, makes decisions, makes laws, and the rest obey and worship him. Next, it is determined who coped with the role better.
This is only a small part of the techniques that psychologists use in group trainings. Usually a course of 4-5 such classes is enough to ensure your own importance.
During individual training, a psychologist may offer to take a test, perform some situational tasks followed by analysis of the answers, or exercises.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists give several tips on increasing self-esteem:
- You should set aside two minutes every day for gratitude. Identify two things for which you are grateful today. This should become a habit.
- Act and don’t waste time on doubts and thoughts. Try to complete all your tasks, because you probably know how unfinished business presses, strains and instills uncertainty.
- Do things that bring you pleasure more often. It is very important to make time for your hobbies, otherwise life can become unbearable. These activities charge you with vigor and optimism.
- Exercise. People who exercise regularly are more satisfied with themselves, their appearance and their success than those who do not. Moreover, during exercise, dopamine, the hormone of joy, is produced. If you don’t know where to start training, we recommend the Easy Sport online marathon. Everything is worked out on it: chest, stomach, back, sides, buttocks.
Movies to boost self-esteem
Watch these movies. They clearly show how a person's self-esteem affects his life:
"Bridget Jones's Diary." The film is about a 32-year-old girl who has complexes about being overweight and can’t find love.
"Beauty all over." This picture is similar to the film above, since here the heroine is also dissatisfied with her body, she does fitness and tries to become like the girls on the cover. But one incident makes her so confident that typical beauties might be jealous.
"The Devil Wears Prada" This is a film about the cruel world of fashion and gloss, where any wrong move, glance, and you are already overboard. But with the proper persistence and self-confidence, you can get through anywhere.
Good books to boost your self-esteem
- "How to Overcome Your Victim Complex" by Wayne Dyer. A book with practical examples, methods and tips will help you fight back against manipulators. The author is sure that to be a victim or not to be is everyone’s personal choice.
- “Make him shut up. How to overcome your inner critic and take action by Danny Gregory. The book is about how to stop devaluing yourself and all your achievements.
- "And I do not". How not to be afraid of refusals and go ahead towards your goal,” Jia Jiang. Any refusals are perceived painfully, personally, and hit hard on self-esteem. The author decided to overcome the fear of rejection, and what came out of this can be found out by reading the book.
The issue of increasing self-esteem needs to be approached comprehensively. It is necessary to work not only on appearance, but also on self-perception. Come to the “Flourish” marathon to work out your body, face and even your mind in detail. Special meditative practices will help you find harmony with yourself and love yourself.
