This article explains how to reduce excessive worry, which can have mental and physical consequences.
Are you worried about a wart? Are you just nervous? Are you constantly worried about everything from your health to how you are perceived at work to whether a terrorist attack is imminent?
If this sounds like you, then you may be worried about your life. This is normal in principle, but excessive worrying affects more than just your mental state; it can also be detrimental to your physical health. That's why we're raising questions about the causes of excessive worry and ways to break the cycle and take back your life.
Do you experience fears within yourself and realize that you are screwing yourself up? What's the stupidest thing you've ever worried about?
Learn to be brave
Shyness is the exact opposite of confidence. So, if you strive to be a confident person, then you must have the determination to do what you are afraid of. For example, giving a speech in front of a large audience. However, before you do this, you need to set yourself up properly, encourage yourself, tell yourself: “I will do it.” This will help you be more courageous and confident. The more often you try to deal with your shortcomings, the closer you become to your goal - to stop being a shy person.
METHOD FIFTH
The fifth method is relaxation. It is more of a physiological nature. The state of the body and soul, mind are very closely related to each other. If the body is tense, then the mind is also tense, and, conversely, if your feelings and thoughts have a negative connotation, then the body reacts with the same response. By calming our thoughts and getting rid of negative emotions, we relax our muscles, improve blood flow, thereby giving our mind and body the necessary energy. Calm and collected allows you to get rid of fears, panic and self-doubt.
Don't be afraid to talk to others
Practice, practice and only practice. Talk to other people over a glass of wine or just a cup of coffee or tea. Ask the person what brought him to this place, to this event. If he keeps up the conversation, ask him to tell you a little about himself: what he does in life, what he is interested in, what he likes and what he doesn’t.
The interlocutor will feel that you are interested in him, and this will endear him to you. Communicate with others as often as possible, do not hesitate to make new acquaintances, and after a while you will notice how your shyness begins to evaporate.
Fight your shyness every day
Here's what helps me fight shyness every day:
- Don't be afraid of rejection . If a complete stranger or even an acquaintance refuses you something, then think about it, is it really that scary and have you lost something?
- Stop beating yourself up and imagining the worst. In your own head you are in captivity, from which no one can get you out except yourself. If you belittle yourself in every possible way, you will soon believe it yourself and begin to behave accordingly. It will be enough for other people to simply look into your eyes to understand everything: in front of them is an extremely insecure person.
- Remember that no one is perfect . Other people have exactly the same shortcomings and problems as you. No, I don’t encourage you to rejoice in the fact that “others are no better,” just understand that everyone experiences exactly the same as you. And most people have absolutely no time to think about you.
- Inhale and exhale. Everything will be OK .
“I want, but I’m afraid”: 5 steps to cope with fear and take action
Financial thinking coach and mentor to entrepreneurs Ekaterina Vlasova tells how to stop fighting fears and start doing what you really want.
Step 1. Look into the eyes of what scares you
Fear is designed by nature as the most effective mechanism of self-preservation, and we - instead of using fear for its intended purpose - try to defeat it. Whatever we fear, fear is always directed at something specific. But until we realize what exactly it is, we cannot defend ourselves and enter into a meaningless shadow fight.
Therefore, first of all, it is important to write down your fears. For example:
It's scary to leave your job and start your own business. What if I can’t and have nothing to support my family?
It's scary to loosen control and delegate what you used to do yourself. What if everything stops working?
It's scary to speak in front of a large audience. What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me?
The more specific you are about your fear, the more effective a “cure” you can find to neutralize it.
Step 2: Understand why you benefit from being afraid.
The world is not divided into black and white - there are pros and cons in every situation. It’s the same with fears: in addition to the obvious inconveniences (for example, they interfere with the fulfillment of desires, they are unpleasant to experience), they also have benefits for us. Most often hidden.
Let me give two examples:
Fears give us the opportunity NOT to do.
Let's say, if I'm afraid to do live broadcasts, I don't do them. And since I don’t spend time, it means I don’t have to study oratory skills and don’t prepare for speeches - this way I have more free time for other tasks.
Fear gives us the opportunity to feel the “peppercorn” - good stress.
I can put off a work task until the last minute - not think about it all week, and then sit down the evening before the deadline and complete everything by the morning deadline. The fear of not being on time stimulates my brain activity, and I generate more cool ideas. The main thing here is to properly manage stress without driving yourself to panic.
To find the benefits of your fears, write down next to each thing that is pleasant, useful, and necessary happens in your life only because you are afraid of what you are afraid of (endure what you endure; have what you have, and so on). First, let's look at the fears and benefits from them.
Fear of leaving employment and starting your own business. What if I can’t and have nothing to support my family?
I don’t take risks and don’t take on the responsibility of an entrepreneur;
There is stability - I receive a salary every month;
I don’t have to learn new skills to run a business, so I have free time for relaxation and family.
Fear of losing control and delegating what you previously did yourself. What if everything falls apart?
I don’t depend on other people;
Protected from change and new ideas;
I can act according to the rules, without changing anything either in myself or in my work processes.
Fear of speaking in front of a large audience. What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me?
I don't risk my reputation;
I can remain at the same level without working on myself;
I don’t risk receiving negative reviews and condemnation.
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Step 3: Find the real cause of your fear
When working with fears, it is very important to clarify what exactly you are afraid of facing. For example, when we are afraid to speak in public, the basis is not the fear of the mistake itself, but the fear of other people’s assessments - condemnation, shame.
When do we fear this? When you have formed a certain image of yourself in your head: “I am a great specialist / an intelligent person / a professional with a capital P.” And the fear of losing this ideal image is so strong that it outweighs the desire to become an expert, share knowledge, and increase income.
The focus shifts from goal to fear, and instead of developing and moving forward, we spend energy only on maintaining our status - it’s better to remain silent than to disgrace ourselves.
It seems that this approach is associated with self-doubt, although in fact the reason is the opposite: inflated self-esteem. We are so confident in our superiority over others that we strive for something that a living person is, in principle, incapable of: never making mistakes.
But difficulties and mistakes on the way to achieving goals are a normal course of life. If they are not there, then we are setting ourselves subjectively easy tasks. And easy tasks will not lead to great results.
If you find yourself holding on to the perfect image, know that the price is too high. In this situation, the “one wallet” principle applies: we have a limited amount of resources (time/money/energy) at our disposal, and if we spend them on maintaining our image, then these resources will not be enough for something really important.
The sooner you part with the ideal image and allow yourself to make mistakes, the sooner you will get what you really dream about. To do this, next to each fear, write down what you are really afraid of.
Fear of leaving employment and starting your own business. What if I can’t and have nothing to support my family?
I'm afraid to make a mistake, to disgrace myself - to look weak, stupid;
I'm afraid to take responsibility for solving new problems;
I’m afraid to learn new things in case it turns out that no one needs my skills.
Fear of losing control and delegating what you previously did yourself. What if it doesn't work out?
I'm afraid of being disappointed in people and having negative experiences;
I'm afraid to leave my comfort zone and look for new solutions.
Fear of speaking in front of a large audience. What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me?
I'm afraid to make a mistake and disgrace myself;
I'm afraid that everyone will see my incompetence.
I'm afraid that the audience will have questions, and I won't be able to answer them;
Step 4. Think about a way out of the situation
How will you react and what to do if your fear comes true? Make a list of possible solutions to the fears, benefits and reasons already listed above.
Fear of leaving employment and starting your own business. What if I can’t and have nothing to support my family?
I will return to my previous job;
I will send my resume to other companies;
I’ll borrow money from my mother;
sell things/jewelry;
I'll take out a loan.
Fear of losing control and delegating what you previously did yourself. What if it doesn't work out?
I will ask for advice from managers who were able to assemble a strong team;
I will ask for advice from managers who were able to assemble a strong team;
I will undergo delegation training;
I'll draw conclusions from the mistakes and try again.
Fear of speaking in front of a large audience. What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me?
I’ll ask for support, joke and kindly laugh at myself - it doesn’t happen to anyone;
I will soberly evaluate my performance and understand what skills I need to develop;
I will carefully prepare for the speech with a speech coach.
The more solutions you generate, the less you will be afraid and will understand that control over the situation is in your hands.
Step 5: Create your own cure for fear.
Why do you think some wishes come true and others don’t? My observation: because there are different options for desire:
- some are from the category “I would like”, “I would like”, “It would be nice” and so on;
- others are from the category “I really want this”, “I will do everything so that I have this”. Do you feel the difference?
No fear can stop a truly strong desire. If fear wins, it means your desire was not so strong.
Remember a situation when you really wanted something or even felt a vital need for it. Were you afraid to take action towards that “I want”? You may have been apprehensive, worried, worried - and that's normal. But I'm sure you acted anyway. After all, when desires are strong, fear is just reasonable caution. In all other cases, he controls our life and becomes its master.
Think about what desire your fear is preventing you from realizing? What do you really want? When you think about what do you immediately feel a surge of strength and inspiration? Write answers for each fear.
Fear of leaving employment and starting your own business. What if I can’t and have nothing to support my family?
Do what you love, get pleasure, recognition
Earn “no ceiling” on income;
Work with those I want and shape my own environment.
Fear of losing control and delegating what you previously did yourself. What if it doesn't work out?
Dedicate more time to yourself and family;
Increase income
Get tired less, do only important and favorite things
Fear of speaking in front of a large audience. What if I make a mistake and they laugh at me?
Become a sought-after expert;
Get recognition and promotion;
Confidently speak in front of an audience of thousands.
The expression “I really want this, but I’m afraid” from Russian into Russian is simply translated as “I don’t want this enough.”
And here there are two options:
- reduce fear - write down possible solutions, break a big plan into small steps, find ways to protect yourself;
- strengthen your “I want” - find a desire that outweighs fear.
Remember - fear has power over us only until there is a strong enough “I want” for the sake of which this fear can be overcome.
Any failure is a wonderful lesson
Shyness is something that many people suffer from, myself included. I believe that our upbringing and environment play a big role here. Don't be afraid of what other people will think of you. You don't have to make a big deal about it, you have to be able to take risks. Don't worry about someone making fun of you. Every failure, every failure is a wonderful lesson that will help you become more self-confident in the future. And don't forget to remind yourself that you will get through this problem.
How to get rid of fears forever?
Alas, there is no clear and precise answer to this. Even the most famous psychologists in old age, having vast experience in this field, could not give a specific answer. Fear is an opportunity to learn new things.
However, if you notice that your efforts are in vain and are not producing any results, seek help from a specialist or hire a personal coach.
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The online magazine “ Hard - Life ” was in touch.
Other people don't think about you at all
I'm also a shy girl and I've always wanted to change that. Every time I have to say even a couple of sentences in front of a large group of people, I say to myself:
They are strangers to you, they know absolutely nothing about you. It is unlikely that they will remember your name or recognize you after a couple of days on the street. Even if you do something wrong, they will just laugh and forget about it in a minute.
This may seem too simple and naive, but it really works, at least for me. For example, I don’t speak English very well, but I can focus on the main goal - to convey my idea to people and try not to pay attention to my mistakes.
Shyness is an inner monster
I was also very shy. It felt like there was some evil creature living inside me that wanted to take control of my body and life (it may sound stupid, but it’s true). My main goal was to fight this inner monster every day, that is, I tried to do exactly what he is afraid to do. Of course, I made a lot of mistakes and stumbled a lot before I learned all the rules of the game.
And then the inner monster left my body.
How do you deal with shyness? Share in the comments.
Exercise 5
The next step is to check and restore psychological vitality, i.e. normal functioning of personal structures of self-esteem and self-acceptance. In a situation where you are scared, say the following text (you should memorize it):
- I have every right to live. - I have every right to be the way I am. “I have the right to try to satisfy my human needs.” - I have the right to do “wrong” actions from the point of view of another. - I have the right to make mistakes. - I have the right to feel what I feel - embarrassment, fear, joy, etc. - I have every right to defend myself if I am insulted.
Restoring self-esteem is greatly helped by turning to your undeniable strengths, which you value, respect, and are proud of. For example:
- I value myself for my erudition, - I respect myself for my patience, - I am proud of my ability to understand other people, etc.
Practice identifying items of self-esteem, while checking how proud and valued you truly are of yourself. Self-esteem and self-acceptance are the basis for the existence of an individual. To help you navigate your rights, I will list the basic rights of every person.
