How to Increase Self-Esteem and Confidence - 7 Powerful Ways to Increase Self-Esteem and Find Harmony in Business and Personal Life

“No one will ever love me,” “I’m too stupid to understand this topic,” “I’m not strong enough to achieve this goal.” If you periodically say these or similar phrases to yourself, then you most likely have low self-esteem. And this probably prevents you from achieving success and living life to the fullest.

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You can increase your self-esteem with seven simple exercises.

Avoiding Negative Thinking

We often engage in negative internal dialogue without noticing it: “I won’t succeed,” “I’m too lazy to achieve anything,” “I’m too ugly for anyone to like me.” All these thoughts greatly influence our attitude towards ourselves.

The exercise is to write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself. At the end of the day, re-read them and turn each one into a positive thesis statement.

Instead of “I won’t succeed” - “I can do a lot, I can learn this too.” Instead of “I’m too lazy” - “I achieved what I have, and that’s already a lot.” Instead of “I’m ugly” - “Many people like me.”

Repeat these phrases every day for a week. Soon they will begin to appear in your head on their own.

What influences the formation of self-esteem

Self-esteem is developed in a person from early childhood.

• It matters how parents show their love for their child
  . If love is unconditional and does not depend on good behavior, such a child will grow up with normal or high self-esteem. When he understands that he will be loved only for something (put away toys, got an excellent mark, took out the trash), then in adulthood the person will believe that he cannot be loved just like that, and a good attitude must be earned.
• The attitude of parents towards the successes and failures of the child plays a big role
  . Parents’ value judgments such as “You can handle this”, “Such a smart kid will definitely do it” have a positive role in the formation of self-esteem.

Accordingly, statements in the spirit of: “They don’t ask you”, “You understand a lot”, “Well, as always, you are armless” for many years lay in a person the attitude that he is “bad”, good for nothing, stupid, incompetent, etc.

Self-esteem can decline already in adulthood. For example, a person tries to build a career, works a lot, improves his qualifications, but career growth does not occur. The individual begins to doubt his abilities. If self-esteem was initially normal, the reason for the failure will be found. Low self-esteem can drop even lower.

Women are often deliberately devalued by men with whom they are in intimate relationships. A complex partner deliberately humiliates his wife or girlfriend in order to be able to impose his will on her. The woman begins to be perplexed and analyze what is wrong with her. If her parents instill self-respect and love, then the girl will break up with a toxic partner; if not, she will suffer and prove her need to an unsuitable man.

Cultivating a good attitude towards yourself

Reread the negative thoughts you recorded during the last exercise. Imagine that a loved one—your best friend or family member—says all these things about yourself.

Think about how you would respond and write those words down. Tell me what you see as good in this person, what qualities you respect. Tell him you love this person.

Showing love to others is often much easier than showing love to yourself. When you “appropriate” your thoughts to people close to you, it becomes easier for you to see the big picture and understand that saying such things to yourself is ugly, rude and generally wrong.

Exercises

It turns out that there are complexes of not only physical exercises for sports, but also psychological ones to increase self-esteem. By performing them regularly, you can feel the first results within a week. Here are some of them.

Exercise 1. I'm good

Write at least 10 of your positive qualities. Re-read them daily. After a week, create a new list, trying not to repeat what was in the previous one.

Exercise 2. I was able to

Write down 5 achievements you have achieved in life. This does not have to be a victory in the Olympics or a beauty contest. Simpler things are enough: found a job, graduated from college. Re-read them daily and learn to be proud of them. After a month, try creating a new list. It should contain other items.

Exercise 3. I am strong

Write down the 3 most difficult situations in your life. Don't describe them in detail, just identify them. For example, the death of a grandmother, dismissal from work, divorce. Remember how you were able to survive this period. Even if you felt bad, now it’s all behind you, which means you have that inner strength that can increase your self-esteem. Every day, replay in your head how you overcame difficulties and be proud of yourself.

Exercise 4. I am a hero

Write 5 cases from your life when you helped others: you were with your friend when her husband left her; prepared a classmate for a diploma at a university; We regularly bought groceries for our old neighbor, who couldn’t do it herself. Re-read the list every day and be proud of yourself. Update it after a month.

Exercise 5. I am no worse than others

To increase self-esteem, you need to learn to be friends with the mirror. This is one of the most difficult exercises for insecure and shy people. We need to overcome internal complexes and master this technique.

Get yourself in order. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Smile at your reflection. Then you can choose to act: read a poem, sing a song, or just talk to yourself. The goal is to get used to it, look at yourself from the outside, learn to perceive your image objectively, and understand that you are no worse than others. Start with 5 minutes and increase this time every week.

Complexes of psychological exercises can be different. The main thing is the regularity and correctness of their implementation.

Freeing yourself from guilt and fear

For several days, write down all the fears and sources of guilt that haunt you. Then highlight those that are repeated especially often. Maybe you feel guilty because you skip going to the gym, or because you keep forgetting to call your relatives. Or you are afraid that you will not be able to achieve some goal.

Select one item from the selected ones and write a permit for yourself. For example: “I have the right to miss a workout,” “I have the right to be forgetful,” or “I have the right to fail.”

Place this resolution where you will see it often: on your monitor, refrigerator, or next to your bed. The next time you feel overwhelmed by fear or guilt, look at the note and you will feel better.

Saying “no” can help boost your self-confidence.

Learn to say the word “no”: Pixabay
People with low self-esteem often do something to please others and to their detriment only because they do not know how to refuse. Manipulators often use this. It's not easy to know when to say no.

Refusal to help can sometimes lead to the destruction of family or social ties. Therefore, psychologists have developed the law of seven “nos” - they have described situations in which refusal is a form of personal protection. Rules will help increase self-confidence. They must be followed when:

1. Internally they are not ready for any decisive action. Is your partner putting pressure on you to change something, to do something, but you don’t like it? Don't feel like it's right? Say no. You will do it when it becomes your decision.
2. Busy. Do not fulfill other people's responsibilities to your own detriment, do not overload yourself.
3. You think that the proposal goes beyond morality or is unacceptable for you personally (burdensome, traumatic).
4. You are being used - they are abusing your abilities, skills, opportunities, time, without providing equivalent services in return.
5. You can't do what they ask.
6. Solving other people's problems is an excessively stressful factor for you.
7. You are not interested in what was offered.

Accepting your characteristics

Almost every person has traits that they don't like. You know perfectly well what doesn’t suit you about yourself, be it short stature, excess weight or baldness.

Make a list of these qualities and write a thank you note for each one. For example: “Thanks to my bald head for helping me spend less shampoo,” “Thanks to my height for the fact that I can fit comfortably in any car,” or “Thanks to my belly for carrying my child.”

You may not like some of your traits, but they make you who you are. The attitude towards them can be changed. And loving yourself is much more useful and pleasant than always being dissatisfied with yourself.

Types of personality self-esteem in psychology

In psychology, there are three types of self-esteem. The classification is based on the degree to which a person’s self-importance corresponds to objective data. The more realistically a person evaluates himself, the more successful his relationships with people are and the higher his success in all areas of life.

Adequate self-esteem

With this type of self-perception, a person’s assessment coincides with reality. A person soberly realizes his strengths and weaknesses, knows his capabilities and needs, and determines his inner potential.

Such a person is capable of self-criticism and working on mistakes. Weaknesses are eliminated and strong characteristics are cultivated.

Inadequate self-esteem

Distorted self-esteem suggests that a person’s opinion of himself is far from objective. Radical self-perception can be overestimated or underestimated when a person either does not accept himself at all or believes that he has qualities that are not actually inherent in him. Inadequate self-esteem interferes with communication and professional achievement.

Mixed self-esteem

In this case, a person treats himself differently at different periods of his life, sometimes he shows more confidence, sometimes he becomes weak and complex.

We can also talk about a mixed view if we really look at ourselves in terms of some qualities, but inadequately in terms of other characteristics. For example, we confidently achieve success in our profession, but in our personal lives we consider ourselves unworthy of a suitable partner.

Exploring your history

Comparing ourselves with others is in our nature. Social media has made this task easier: people post the best things in their lives, and it can often feel like your reality is much duller.

To get rid of this feeling, it is useful to write your story. This can be done on paper or digitally. Starting from the day you were born, remember and write down the important moments in your life. Those that are dear to you personally, and not those that would impress other people.

Maybe your first slow dance was a real event for you, or you remember your acquaintance with the work of your favorite writer. Add in difficult decisions - these are also important milestones. For example, leaving an unloved job or moving.

Refer to this chronology every time you start to feel like nothing interesting is happening in your life. You will see that you have been through a lot and this will increase your self-esteem.

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Very often, parents are faced with the question of how to help their child accept himself and become more confident. Problems with self-esteem become especially acute during adolescence. The tips presented above are intended for independent adults. Children need a different approach.

If an adult is able to correct his own internal psychological processes, a child is not yet able to do this. The self-esteem of a little person largely depends on the actions of the parents. I'll tell you what you should and shouldn't do to increase it when necessary. Here are some tips:

1. Don't be too demanding of your child. You remember that excessive perfectionism is very harmful in life. Your personal vanity can become a source of big problems for your child. And also huge bills for the services of a psychotherapist to restore healthy self-esteem.
2. Praise your child for any success. Don't be a callous cookie who takes all your little one's achievements for granted.
3. Help your child discover and develop talents. Introduce him to art, take him to clubs and sports clubs. Be patient! It may take a long time before he finds his occupation.
4. Allow your son or daughter to be independent. Let him choose his own clothes, arrange the room at his own discretion, pay for purchases in the store, naturally, under your control.
5. Teach your child to solve problems, resolve conflicts, and defend their rights. If you do this for him all the time, he will grow up helpless and dependent. This will not have the best effect on self-esteem.

Exploring your skill map

This exercise will allow you to get to know yourself better and understand what strengths you already have and which ones you need to develop in order to achieve your goals.

Make a list of your fundamental attitudes, beliefs and traits. Then - a list of skills and strengths that you have developed throughout your life. List your goals and dreams separately.

Then start forming these points into a tree. You can simply draw it on paper, make an applique, or use a computer. The items on the first list (fundamental beliefs and attitudes) will be the roots and trunk. The second (qualities and skills) - in branches. And goals and dreams are leaves.

Autotraining

To get rid of low self-esteem, psychologists advise practicing auto-training. However, most people misunderstand this technique. This is not just self-hypnosis and working with your internal complexes. Initially, it related to therapeutic psychotherapeutic techniques. Self-education is only the second part of any autogenic training. Many people haven’t even heard about the first one, but without it, reciting the same affirmations is most often useless. We are talking about muscle relaxation, which consists of 5 main exercises.

Let's figure out how to properly conduct auto-training to raise self-esteem.

Part 1. Muscle relaxation

The task of this stage is to prepare physically for auto-training. To do this, you need to relax your body as much as possible and disconnect from the problems of the world around you. The German doctor Schultz (the founder of this technique) called this the switching point when the activity of the cerebral cortex decreases to a minimum. You need to achieve a state close to somnolence. This is the initial stage of hypnosis, intermediate between wakefulness and sleep.

To achieve this state, you need to consistently perform 6 exercises. But first, take the correct starting position: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.

Exercise 1. “Heaviness”

Goal: relieve muscle tone.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with heaviness and becomes leaden. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) arm (leg) is heavy.” You need to feel it physically. 21 days are allotted to master the exercise:

• 3 days work with the right leg;
• 3 days - with the left leg;
• 3 days - with both legs at once;
• 3 days - with the right hand;
• 3 days - with the left hand;
• 3 days - with both hands at once;
• 3 days - with all limbs at once.

Execution time: 7-10 minutes.

Exercise 2. “Warmth”

Purpose: to expand subcutaneous blood vessels.

Close your eyes and imagine how one of your limbs fills with warmth, as if you are plunging it into warm, even hot water. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My right (left) hand (leg) is warm.” Feel it physically. The sequence and time for mastering the exercise are similar to the first.

Exercise 3. “Pulse”

Goal: normalize heartbeat.

Lie down on a flat surface. Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart or wrist to clearly hear your pulse. Imagine your chest filling with warmth. Instill this in your mind: “My chest is warm, my heart beats evenly, clearly, powerfully.” Feel it on a physical level. After your heart rate reaches a normal value for your age and health, you need to learn to control it: slow it down (do not drop below 50 beats per minute) and speed it up (do not exceed 90 beats per minute) using mental affirmations.

This exercise helps you cope with anxiety in stressful situations, quickly pull yourself together, and avoid sweating and panting during public speaking.

Exercise 4. “Breathing”

Goal: to develop uniform breathing.

Before this exercise, it is recommended to spend 5 minutes doing any physical activity to slow down your breathing a little. Then you need to relax as much as possible and restore it as quickly as possible by taking a deep breath through your nose and exhaling as much as possible through your mouth. At the same time, mentally every 30 seconds you need to repeat the phrase: “My breathing is even and calm.” After 2 weeks of daily training, you will be able to bring it back to normal in 1.5 minutes.

This exercise will help you cope with an attack of anxiety in a difficult situation.

Exercise 5. “Solar Plexus”

Goal: to establish blood supply to internal organs.

Close your eyes and imagine your stomach filling with warmth, as if you were placing a hot water bottle on it. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My stomach is warm.” Feel it physically.

Exercise 6. “Cool forehead”

Goal: to put your thought processes in order.

Close your eyes and imagine how your head becomes cool, as if you are in the cold or have put an ice compress on your forehead. Mentally convince yourself of this: “My head is cold.” Feel it physically.

The exercise will also be useful in stressful situations, which so often insecure and shy people find themselves in. Surely everyone is familiar with this state when the blood rushes to the head, the temples pulsate, and thoughts refuse to work. When you learn to take control of these processes, it will be easier for you to make informed and correct decisions - one of the key points for those who increase self-esteem.

For 3 weeks, practice all 6 exercises daily in the order in which they are given. At first this will take quite a lot of time, but soon you will be able to achieve a state of somnolence in just 5-10 minutes. And only after this can you move on to that part of auto-training that many people practice - speaking affirmations.

Part 2. Self-hypnosis and self-education

Before pronouncing affirmations aimed at increasing self-esteem, you need to prepare for this:

1. Ensure complete silence: close the windows, turn off the intercom and telephones, warn your family not to disturb you.
2. Leave the position in which you performed muscle relaxation: half-lying, half-sitting, or the “coachman” position.
3. Close eyes.
4. Feel complete relaxation and a state of peace.
5. Imagine a pleasant picture: forest, nature, sea, beach, rye field, space - everyone’s illusions will be different. The main thing is that the color palette evokes peace.
6. Turn on relaxing music: it can be classics, sounds of nature, white noise. It shouldn't be loud.
7. You can use aromatherapy. Coniferous and citrus scents are recommended.
8. You need to practice either early in the morning, when your consciousness is still clear, or in the evening, just before bed - this way the affirmations are absorbed better.

Schultz called this moment of auto-training catharsis (culmination). Only after this is it allowed to recite selected affirmations to increase self-esteem. They also have many requirements:

1. It will be better if a psychologist suggests them to you in accordance with your individual characteristics.
2. Do not type more than 10 affirmations at a time.
3. Sets of 10 affirmations need to be changed every 1-2 weeks.
4. It’s better to memorize them rather than read them on paper or from your phone, as this will disrupt visualization (you can’t open your eyes). Another option is to listen to audio recordings with them, but not with headphones.
5. They need to be spoken out loud, in a clear, even, calm voice.
6. Pronunciation schemes can be different: the entire list from beginning to end, and then repeat it from the beginning, or say each phrase 2-3 times. It's up to you.
7. There is an effective technique that recommends working with only one affirmation until it becomes entrenched in the subconscious, and only then moving on to another.

Be careful! Auto-training is contraindicated in case of vegetative-vascular dystonia, acute somatic attacks, epilepsy, tendency to delirium and unclear consciousness.

The most common mistakes:

• using the future tense in affirmations;
• use of verb forms “can” and “will”;
• use of the negative particle “not”;
• Irregular work with affirmations (not every day);
• a vinaigrette of phrases: today - one block, tomorrow - another;
• lack of action: if you read the af, but you yourself once again refused to read the report at work, auto-training will be useless.

The task of auto-training is to clear the mind of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. A person with low self-esteem is a glass of dirty water. Activities of this kind are a filter that gradually clears it of unnecessary impurities. Do this until it becomes crystal clear.

Affirmations that increase self-esteem (approximate traditional block):

1. I am worthy of love and respect.
2. I act independently, without regard to other people's opinions.
3. Everything about me is beautiful: from the smallest details to serious actions.
4. Mistakes and criticism are inevitable, but they are just part of my experience and help me become better.
5. I forgive everyone who once offended me. And I myself let go of the feeling of guilt. All in the past.
6. I am the master of my life.
7. Everything works out for me. I'm lucky. I attract love, happiness and success.
8. I can take care of myself.
9. I am confident in the future.
10. Nothing can limit me in my actions and actions.

Lifehack. When you select a block of affirmations for yourself, write them down on a piece of paper with your left hand if you are right-handed, and vice versa. This activates the work of both hemispheres of the brain, and the effect of phrases on the subconscious will begin from this moment.

If you carry out auto-training correctly, you can literally increase your self-esteem in a month and love yourself even in the most advanced cases without the involvement of hypnosis and psychotherapy. This is an effective technique that is available to absolutely everyone at home.

Lifehack. Print or write affirmations on bright sheets of paper with inspiring pictures and hang them in different places in your apartment where you visit most often. When your gaze rests on them, mentally pronounce the phrase, convince yourself that you have read it, and do it all with a smile.

For auto-training, the correct formulation of affirmations is of great importance. For people with low self-esteem, they often become traps that, instead of treatment, drive them into an even greater dead end.

This happened to one of the writers. When she was young, her books sold well, but after the crisis of the 90s, publishers stopped taking her creations into circulation. She fell into depression, during which she convinced herself that it was not the economic situation in the country that was to blame for her lack of recognition, but a lack of talent. She stopped doing what she loved and sat at the checkout counter at a grocery store. Nervous work with capricious customers, undervaluation from her superiors, low salary - all this led to her self-esteem falling even more.

At some point, she realized the need to change something in her life and began doing auto training on her own, resumed work on a book, and left the hated position of a cashier. A month later, a tragedy occurred: all the publishing houses she applied to refused to publish her new work. The result is cut veins. Although everything worked out, thanks to the doctors who arrived on time.

Psychologists and psychotherapists began working with the writer. They couldn’t understand why auto-training, designed to increase her self-esteem, led to disastrous results until they looked at the list of facts, “My books are being sold like hot cakes by publishers,” and stuff like that. She convinced herself of what she had not yet achieved. And when these beliefs collapsed in real life, her subconscious could not cope with it.

Create a daily intention

Once you've figured out what habits and attitudes you'd like to adopt or change, it's helpful to create daily intentions. To do this, it is enough to choose an aspiration in the morning that will bring you closer to the desired result. For example: “Love myself, even if I’m lazy”, “Be more patient with yourself and others”, “Don’t be afraid of change” and so on.

Once you have chosen an intention, write it down somewhere and re-read it throughout the day. Over time, you will develop the desired qualities in yourself.

What is self-esteem

Self-esteem

- this is a person’s level of understanding of himself, his positive and negative qualities, assessment of his personality, part of the self-concept.

Self-perception is inextricably linked to the degree of self-love. The more a person loves himself, the more adequate and higher his self-esteem.

Personal self-esteem is a very significant indicator and influences how a person’s life will turn out. Confidence in your merits, faith in your own strengths allows you to achieve success. On the contrary, humiliation, feelings of guilt and shame, and unjustified shyness prevent internal needs from manifesting and being realized. Basic self-esteem is formed in childhood, but this is a category that can change over time and is subject to correction.

Books

To increase your self-esteem, read motivational and training books on this topic. If you work with a psychologist, he will suggest the list himself. If you study on your own, you can use a small rating of the best works written by well-known practitioners. Each of them is a real masterpiece that can change your self-awareness.

The main rule is to read carefully and follow all the recommendations that the authors give, take tests, analyze their results, and carry out the auto-trainings described in them.

1. Zimbardo F. Shyness. What is it and how to deal with it.
2. Levi V. The art of being yourself.
3. Mamontov S. Yu. Believe in yourself. Self confidence training.
4. Muir E. Self-confidence. A book for working on yourself.
5. Parfentyeva L. 100 ways to change your life.
6. Robert E. The main secrets of absolute self-confidence.
7. Santandreu R. How not to turn your life into a nightmare. 20 proven ways to escape the captivity of toxic thoughts to the shores of a new life.
8. Sergeeva O. M., Tarasov E. A. How to raise self-esteem and become self-confident. Tests and rules.
9. Frank P. How to become self-confident. Just 6 minutes a day. Training book.
10. Hibbard D., Asmar D. This book will make you confident.

Raising self-esteem is a long and difficult process. It is quite difficult to go through it alone, although it is possible. However, it will be better if you initially start communicating with like-minded people, find the strength to make an appointment with a psychologist, and enlist the support of your loved ones. These actions will force you to step out of your comfort zone and begin the path to the life you deserve, to those dreams that will now finally become reality.

Self-esteem and its functions

Self-esteem is a complex psychological system. The totality of mental processes, phenomena, and human activity allows the child to know himself and distinguish himself as part of the big world. The functions of self-esteem are a powerful stimulus for personal development. What are these functions?

Self-esteem has three functions:

• Regulatory – the ability to regulate one’s behavior and activities
• Protective - the ability to keep your personality stable and independent
• The function of development is by getting to know oneself, assessing one’s behavior through the prism of others’ assessment of oneself, and development occurs.

Movies

When you watch TV shows about a beautiful life, they plunge you into an even greater abyss of your own complexes. There is a constant comparison of oneself with on-screen characters in favor of the latter. It lowers rather than increases self-esteem. Therefore, while working on yourself, exclude them from your pastime. They have a worthy replacement. Firstly, various trainings, master classes and video trainings in the form of documentaries. Secondly, masterpieces of artistic cinema that motivate rather than destroy self-awareness.

Documentary:

1. Brian Tracy. Self-esteem. Psychology of success.
2. Depression and self-esteem. Jacque Fresco. Venus Project.
3. How to increase self-esteem? 10 proven methods.
4. Psychology of Personality. Low self-esteem. How to improve low self-esteem.
5. Self-confidence is the key to victory!

Artistic:

1. The Pursuit of Happyness.
2. Always say yes".
3. Peaceful warrior.
4. Never give up.
5. The man who changed everything.

Special cases

How to increase your child's self-esteem

Regardless of the child’s age, parents need to contact a child psychologist and not hide anything from him about parenting methods and problems at school. Don't act on your own. Otherwise, help may be useless.

Working with preschoolers

1. Don't criticize. Learn to accept your child as he is, with all his shortcomings.
2. Don't raise your voice, don't scold. Make comments calmly, do not shout.
3. Hug him more often, kiss him, show him your love, give him compliments, praise him for every little thing.
4. The child is your own reflection. Do not engage in self-flagellation in front of him.
5. Don't let him compare himself to others. Explain that every person is good in their own way.
6. Ask his opinion, ask him to justify it, gently correct his point of view if it goes against generally accepted rules.
7. Create a cozy atmosphere at home, without quarrels and scandals.
8. Provide him with enough communication with his peers.
9. Talk to the kindergarten teachers so that they don’t focus on his mistakes and scold him in front of the whole group.

Increasing the self-esteem of younger schoolchildren

We take into account all the recommendations for parents of preschoolers (they remain relevant at this stage of the child’s development) and add a few more.

1. Find activities for your child in which he is most successful, enroll in clubs and sections.
2. Motivate him to participate in competitions, relay races, Olympiads, but only in those areas where he can achieve success.
3. Always be a support and protection for your child if he is right.
4. Teach him to say “no” to both peers and adults.
5. Keep him a journal (diary) of his own achievements.
6. Never compare with your classmates in terms of studies.
7. If serious learning problems are identified, talk to the teacher about how to improve the child's progress. Do not refuse tutors if necessary.
8. In the case when he does the wrong thing, do not swear, but give examples from life of what such mistakes are fraught with.
9. Don't put too high demands on him.

With teenagers

And again, cheat sheets continue to work on how to increase self-esteem in preschool and primary school age, plus we take into account additional advice from psychologists that concerns only teenagers.

1. No matter how difficult it may be to endure adolescence, you need to be patient and avoid conflicts with a teenager as much as possible.
2. Learn to respect him and his opinion, which you definitely need to be interested in even in small things, from choosing a toothbrush to decorating the interior of a room.
3. Teach him to take care of his own appearance, which in adolescence is important for the formation of adequate self-esteem.
4. Do not allow a teenager to talk about himself in a negative way, humiliate himself, underestimate his own data and successes, compare himself with someone.
5. Listen to his wishes: if he wants to lose weight, help organize proper nutrition and create a workout plan, and not allow him to drive himself to anorexia.
6. Cultivate in him tolerance and humanity towards others. Psychologists say that this is one of the most effective methods for increasing a teenager’s self-esteem.
7. You can teach him auto-training.
8. Encourage communication with peers, but at the same time monitor his circle of friends in terms of reliability and adequacy.
9. Introduce a healthy lifestyle: proper nutrition, daily routine, adequate sleep, exercise and the absence of bad habits.

How to increase a woman's self-esteem

According to statistics, women are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem than men. They are too critical of their appearance, too keen on self-examination and are capable of turning a tiny fly into a huge elephant.

A few recommendations from psychologists:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Find the strengths in yourself that make you stand out.
2. Never speak badly about yourself, either alone, much less in front of someone. Stop yourself from even thinking about yourself in a negative way.
3. Take care of your appearance and health, which are interconnected. Looking well-groomed is half the battle on the road to adequate self-esteem.
4. Learn to respond correctly to compliments. Not “Come on, I’m ordinary” or “Why are you flattering me,” but “Thank you, it’s very nice.”
5. If you are constantly humiliated by your boss (husband, boyfriend, father, mother, girlfriend), either learn to fight back or stop communicating. Yes, it’s difficult: quitting your usual job, breaking off a relationship with a loved one, saying “no” to your own parents. But otherwise you will have to endure them all your life.
6. Find something that gives you pleasure and find time for it at least once a week: shopping, watching your favorite TV series, going to a beauty salon.

The main recommendation for men whose girlfriends or wives have low self-esteem: never compare them with others, give compliments and gifts more often. This is the best psychotherapeutic help in this situation.

Example from practice. A young man came to a psychologist with the problem that his girlfriend had too low self-esteem, and he could not raise it in any way. She had a difficult childhood when her mother left her small children in her care and forced her to work in the market from the age of 12. She never had beautiful things, she didn’t know how to take care of herself, and she wasn’t successful with her classmates. That is, the reasons for self-doubt were obvious.

Work began with a psychologist. The guy taught the girl to dress beautifully, take care of herself, helped her enroll in a correspondence course at a university, gave gifts, and was attentive and gentle. However, even after six months of painstaking work, little has changed. She was still too shy, unsure of her abilities, and still considered herself worthless.

And only then was it possible to find out the main reason why the course of psychological help remained ineffective: the guy reminded the girl almost every day about her unsuccessful childhood. And he did it without malicious intent, he wanted her to see the difference between the past and the present. But in fact, she only aggravated the situation, forcing her to relive those moments of humiliation again and again.

After identifying this error, the couple managed to cope with the problem, the girl blossomed, became a happy wife, realized herself as a good mother, and was even able to make a career.

How to increase a man's self-esteem

It is much more difficult to work with low self-esteem in men. Firstly, most often the reasons go deep into childhood, and they do not strive to advertise them, but carefully hide them, out of shame. Secondly, they themselves are more closed than women, and for psychologists it is trust that plays an important role. Thirdly, persuading them to go to a specialist is a big problem.

What should men do to increase their self-esteem?

1. Set a realistic goal for yourself, break it down into several tasks and gradually move towards achieving it.
2. Take every mistake not as a blow of fate, but as a chance to improve and become better.
3. Workout.
4. Update your wardrobe.
5. Find a hobby.
6. Expand your social circle.
7. Offer your boss some innovative ideas, give a presentation, or take on a new project with further prospects for career growth.
8. Help others.
9. Start a relationship, start a family, become a father.

Recommendations from psychologists for a woman/girl on how to increase self-esteem for her husband/boyfriend:

1. Encourage him in any endeavors, motivate him to take decisive actions and actions.
2. Enlist the support of his loved ones: talk to friends, parents, colleagues so that you all act together.
3. Don't nag him, don't insult him, don't humiliate him, don't criticize him.
4. Praise for any achievements.
5. Ask, take into account and respect his opinion.
6. Ask for help with household chores, studying, raising children.

And the most important advice is to love him. A man who has a loving and caring wife waiting at home is more likely to be successful in his career and does not experience problems with self-esteem.

Levels of self-esteem. Gradation by compliance level factor

Level of self-esteem – Low

A person with low self-esteem appears shy and unsure of himself. The opinion of loved ones is especially important for him, which determines his behavior in society.

An individual is influenced by other people and is easily deceived. To achieve his goals, he may go to extremes in achieving his goals.

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An individual with low self-esteem clings to the chance to prove his importance to loved ones. He strives to achieve the goal, so he chooses obviously simple tasks.

He is often vindictive, he likes to make a big deal out of proportion. He considers specific situations to blame for his failures and has difficulty surviving failures. He is envious, suspicious and vindictive.

Low self-esteem prevents people from seeing achievements that go unnoticed. This self-confidence comes from childhood, but can also develop in adults when constant comparison occurs.

Such a person is petty, clinging to loved ones for small mistakes.

Level of self-esteem – Normal

Normal self-esteem arises in a person when he soberly assesses his real capabilities and abilities. Such a person is confident in himself and can build dialogues with others without fear of condemnation.

An individual with normal self-esteem achieves success in life. He is not without self-criticism. However, it includes those abilities that a person actually has. Normal self-confidence is able to not depend on the opinions of others.

The normal level of self-esteem is influenced by several factors:

1. Personal considerations and formed perceptions;
2. Past experience interacting with people both socially and within a small circle of friends and family;
3. Past illnesses, surgeries;
4. Religion and social status;
5. Profession and type of activity;
6. Cultural well-being of the family.

The normal level helps to apply the strengths and eliminate the shortcomings of the individual. Normal self-esteem helps you realize your career and communicate with the outside world.

Level of self-esteem – Increased

People who do not see their real capabilities consider themselves special and privileged among others. They don't understand why they are underestimated. People with high self-esteem treat others with a certain degree of aggression, masking this with a conviction of their own superiority.

Their main goal is to convince others of their perfection. This is why others avoid a person with high self-esteem.

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People with high self-esteem consider themselves correct, often idealizing their own image. They want to receive support for their importance from others.

They do not recognize failures and failures, because this hides their psychological comfort. For them, he does not blame himself, the current circumstances, or other people.

An individual with high self-esteem sees his own weak traits as outstanding, often dictating to people what quality an ideal person should have. Over time, he stops listening to the opinions of others, considering only himself right.

Does not accept criticism, considering it a product of someone else's envy.

Inflated self-confidence is conceit, arrogance and aggressiveness. It is often accompanied by neurotic manifestations of suffering; the individual considers himself a failure.