How to increase a man’s self-esteem: tips, methods, films ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

If your boyfriend continually surprises you with strange actions, do not rush to get annoyed. Perhaps he's just insecure and thinks he's not good enough to be around. There are, of course, those who realize that the issue is self-esteem, and even try to somehow change their behavior. But make no mistake, there are only a few of them! If you want to solve the problem radically, take the situation into your own hands. In this article we will talk about how to increase a man's self-esteem.
From this article you will learn:

What is self-esteem and what does it affect?
What are the signs of low self-esteem in a man?
What are some ways to increase self-esteem in men?
How can a woman raise a man's self-esteem?
What films to watch to increase self-esteem with a man

What is self-esteem and what does it affect?

Self-esteem is very important in the life of any of us. It helps to build relationships between people in the family and society, achieve goals in study, work, creativity, achieve financial well-being, and satisfy physical and spiritual needs. A person’s understanding of his individuality and value when interacting with others, a sober look at his personal qualities, strengths and weaknesses - this is self-esteem.

What does it give:

feeling of security:
a person feels confident and independent of other people’s opinions;
freedom of action:
a person can perform actions based on personal choice;
opportunity for self-improvement:
to achieve success in life you need to constantly develop, you cannot stop there.

Self-esteem often depends on life situations and the opinions of others: most people care what friends, colleagues, neighbors and relatives think about them. Although ideally this important criterion should be formed solely on the basis of personal judgments about oneself.

Psychologists divide self-esteem into types (adequate, distorted and mixed) and levels (normal, low, high). Experts call the ability to most accurately assess one’s personal qualities, abilities and shortcomings adequate or ideal self-esteem, but, alas, it is in short supply. More common is low (leads to excessive anxiety, self-criticism, complexes and passivity) or high (prevents you from taking criticism sensibly, making reasonable compromises, and can lead to a loss of caution and other mistakes).

Psychologists note that low self-esteem is more common. It prevents a person from realizing their potential, demonstrating their abilities and talents, and in advanced cases leads to the development of an inferiority complex.

Adequate self-perception is to accept and love yourself as you are: with all the quirks and quirks. There are no ideal people; everyone has flaws. The main thing is not to get hung up on them, correct them if possible, but put your virtues first and believe in your strengths.

Experts in the field of psychology have identified an interesting pattern: most often for communication we choose people who are successful and self-sufficient. These are the people most of us prefer to deal with in business, friendship and marriage. But an insecure man is not the best option for a close relationship.

Where to begin?

Any journey begins with the first step. It’s the same when working on yourself. The first step is recognizing the problem . You don’t need to constantly close your eyes if something doesn’t work out and blame others for your failures. It is better to adequately evaluate yourself, your actions, and understand how you came to such results.

After awareness, you need to draw up an individual action plan - for example, you can repeat affirmations daily, meditate, and perform at least one action that brings you closer to your intended goal. Sometimes it can be difficult to cope on your own; in this case, you should not be afraid to seek help from an experienced specialist. Perhaps you will be fascinated by psychology - read articles by experts on topics that concern you.

Photo by Blair Fraser on Unsplash

How low self-esteem manifests itself in men

Perhaps the role of self-esteem in the lives of representatives of the stronger sex is exaggerated, and indecision is a trifle for them? And the question “how to increase a man’s self-esteem and confidence” is not relevant? Not at all. The inability to perceive yourself adequately can ruin your career and poison your personal life. Anyone who always considers himself a failure eventually becomes one: due to constant fear and indecision, he is simply unable to achieve success. Having experienced defeat, he immediately gives up and does not think of making at least one more attempt. It is difficult for such a person to change his life for the better.

At the same time, a man with low self-esteem is unlikely to admit his problem. Rather, he will mask it with arrogance, or even aggression. With such a “cargo” it is not easy to establish both professional and personal relationships. The only way out is to take others like yourself as partners. But this is a bad option for starting a family. You shouldn’t expect indecisive parents to raise children with a healthy sense of self-esteem.

You can “identify” an insecure man even by his appearance: he is unkempt and neglected. However, the opposite option cannot be ruled out: low self-esteem can be hidden in an elaborate appearance. Those who care more about the opinions of others than their own self-esteem find it difficult to get along with friends and colleagues. Quarrels and complaints are also inevitable in the family. People with low self-esteem are offended by others because of their bad luck.

Men who do not believe in their own strengths often make mistakes in choosing life guidelines and easily succumb to pressure. In addition, they quickly acquire bad habits.

It is a mistake to think that indecisiveness manifested in one area will not affect other aspects of life. If, say, an influential boss has difficulty communicating with women or has complexes because of his appearance, this nuance will most likely be reflected in business relationships: he may become familiar with his female colleagues or, on the contrary, humiliate them, tyrannize them with excessive demands .

Literature on psychology

Three books that will help you turn your mind around and start moving forward, raising your self-esteem and changing your life for a better, confident future.

"How to become confident" . Author Pierre Frank. After reading this book, you will learn to love your flaws, and several techniques will show you how to live happier. The author writes that you need to increase your self-esteem by allocating just 6 minutes a day.
"100 ways to change your life" . Author Larisa Parfentyeva. Motivates you to change your life, not be afraid of mistakes, find ways to change for the better and strengthen your self-esteem.
“How not to turn your life into a nightmare . Author. Rafael Santadreu. One of the most famous psychological bestsellers is practical exercises from a psychotherapist to restore personal respect, get rid of the panic of loneliness, without delaying until next Monday.

Reasons for low self-esteem in men

Many factors influence men's self-esteem. It is quite difficult to figure out why it is so low on your own; it is advisable to take professional help from a psychologist. He will give special recommendations on how a man can love himself and increase his self-esteem.

Often the roots of the problem of self-doubt lie in childhood; they are associated with mistakes in upbringing. If a child is subject to exorbitant demands, often criticized and compared with friends or classmates, citing their successes as an example, he will always lack self-confidence. By doing this to their son, parents form a loser complex in him from a young age, which will bring a lot of trouble in adulthood.

Low self-esteem in men can occur due to:

dissatisfaction with appearance;
presence of physical disabilities or diseases;
sexual problems: insufficient erection, decreased sexual function, partner dissatisfaction, etc.

The question of how to increase a man’s self-esteem after a divorce is especially relevant. Self-esteem can also suffer in cases where a man sets too high a bar for himself in business, in achieving financial success, in personal relationships, but cannot approach the given level. As a result, he feels disappointed both in life and in himself.

Even more about the motivation of men's actions here:

Tips for girls

How to increase your self-esteem in the eyes of a man? It's good when love works both ways. But if suddenly on one side it begins to weaken, then it can be refreshed and thereby get rid of self-doubt.

When a girl feels that her value in the eyes of her chosen one is falling, she can gain increased attention from other men. Interest from the opposite sex in her address will cause, if not burning jealousy on the part of the chosen one, then at least his dissatisfaction. Moreover, the fact that a girl is attractive in the eyes of other men sharply increases her value in the eyes of her partner. He understands that he did the right thing when he made a choice in her favor.

How can a woman improve her man's low self-esteem?

Do you want to feel comfortable next to a man? Make him feel strong, needed, confident. There are several ways for a woman to increase a man's self-esteem.

Accept your chosen one for who he is.

The main condition for a man’s adequate self-esteem is the confidence that his beloved will always accept him without condemnation or reproach. Not in an emphatic and forced way, as if you have to endure someone as you are, but loving them completely: both with a “bullet” in your head and with a complex character. Men have the right to weaknesses and shortcomings. You just need to remember this.

Don't let him doubt your love.

Have you heard that men are like children? Although they don’t show it, they really need constant love and affection. Try whenever possible to show how you value your union, how you value feelings. A man in society is assigned an unenviable role: to constantly win the sympathy of the weaker sex. And when he is pushed away simply because he is in a bad mood, he may mistake it for a breakup and feel terribly unhappy.

Admire the man.

Anyone can criticize, but what's the point? Constant comments do not inspire confidence in anyone. But praise is a completely different matter. Find a reason to admire it and admire it! Aloud.

Let him be silent when he wants it.

Men are not always ready to talk about their love. Do not “knock out” a narrowed confession - this way you show your distrust and deprive him of self-confidence.

Do you want to know how to increase a man’s self-esteem both at 30 and after 40? Remember the rules:

do not speak disparagingly about him in conversation with others;
do not compare him with more successful acquaintances;
praise always and everywhere, criticize extremely carefully;
celebrate his slightest achievement, if not with applause, then with a kiss;
smile at him every time you meet, be gentle;
surround him with coziness and comfort;
don’t take scattered socks as an insult, it’s better to accept it;
Don’t forget that men and women are aliens from different planets; they perceive space, time, and logic differently.

See about the influence of women on men:

Self-love: where to start?

What does it mean to love yourself and can you learn it? How to treat yourself correctly in principle? These questions torment people of different genders, ages and financial status. In order to stop being unhappy and become happy, you need to accept yourself with all your shortcomings and not always positive life experiences . Working on yourself should be fun. Correct what you don’t like, but try not to experience negative emotions .

Loving yourself means being able to set personal boundaries and defend them if necessary. A person with adequate self-esteem firmly understands what he wants and speaks about his rights. At the same time, during any choice, he takes into account the opinions of other people, but first of all takes into account his own feelings and listens to his intuition. You should not let others drown out your inner voice , because it is he who can often tell you how to act in order to get out of a difficult situation with dignity. A person who loves himself is unlikely to do anything to make himself appear better to others or to live up to their values.

Loving yourself means treating yourself right, not feeling the need for compliments and approval from other people. You understand and accept yourself, adequately assess your strengths and weaknesses, work to become better and stronger, so condemnation and misunderstanding from the outside do not seem scary to you.

Photo by Etienne Boulanger on Unsplash

Success Diary

A success diary is one of the psychological tools for increasing self-esteem and self-affirmation. In it, a person writes down all his achievements, even the smallest ones. Experts say that human memory is not capable of retaining positive information for a long time. The diary helps you remember your victories, relive pleasant feelings and pride.

The diary operates according to the rule of the three Ps: gradually, consistently, constantly. It is impossible to immediately realize the volume of positive changes, but in small grains an interesting picture emerges.

Benefits of a success diary:

Self-esteem and motivation increase.
Reboot, rethinking of values.
Erasing negative feelings, being positive.

Important to remember! Even the smallest achievement makes a person better.

Value yourself

You need to love and value yourself. But how to learn this? The one who truly values himself is the one who knows that he deserves the best, is ready to change to achieve goals and work on himself as much as necessary, and takes care of his own time and the time of those around him.

Psychologists offer a simple exercise to get rid of negative attitudes from the past . Write down negative words and phrases that undermine your self-confidence and devalue your achievements and qualities.

If you quickly remembered them, then they still have a strong influence on you. To enjoy the present, you need to let go of the past as soon as possible . Tear the sheet into small pieces, burn it, realizing that all negative emotions are gone, the words of other people will no longer influence you from now on. Repeat the exercise until you really get rid of heavy thoughts.

Photo by Mel Poole on Unsplash

Influence of the immediate environment

Our immediate environment determines our worldview, influences our character and attitude towards life. If in a person’s social circle there are people who are narrow-minded, scandalous, and prone to addictions, no good will happen. Gradually this way of life will become familiar.

Another case is manipulators, people with inflated self-esteem who consider themselves better than others. They are capable of destroying the self-esteem of a normal person and convincing him of his own inadequacy.

Communication with inert people who are accustomed to going with the flow has a bad effect on personal development. They gradually degrade without even noticing it.

Important! A person must constantly develop, become better, only then will he feel fulfilled and happy.

You need to surround yourself with active, purposeful optimists, adhere to a healthy lifestyle, and raise your authority and social status.

Exercises

It turns out that there are complexes of not only physical exercises for sports, but also psychological ones to increase self-esteem. By performing them regularly, you can feel the first results within a week. Here are some of them.

Exercise 1. I'm good

Write at least 10 of your positive qualities. Re-read them daily. After a week, create a new list, trying not to repeat what was in the previous one.

Exercise 2. I was able to

Write down 5 achievements you have achieved in life. This does not have to be a victory in the Olympics or a beauty contest. Simpler things are enough: found a job, graduated from college. Re-read them daily and learn to be proud of them. After a month, try creating a new list. It should contain other items.

Exercise 3. I am strong

Write down the 3 most difficult situations in your life. Don't describe them in detail, just identify them. For example, the death of a grandmother, dismissal from work, divorce. Remember how you were able to survive this period. Even if you felt bad, now it’s all behind you, which means you have that inner strength that can increase your self-esteem. Every day, replay in your head how you overcame difficulties and be proud of yourself.

Exercise 4. I am a hero

Write 5 cases from your life when you helped others: you were with your friend when her husband left her; prepared a classmate for a diploma at a university; We regularly bought groceries for our old neighbor, who couldn’t do it herself. Re-read the list every day and be proud of yourself. Update it after a month.

Exercise 5. I am no worse than others

To increase self-esteem, you need to learn to be friends with the mirror. This is one of the most difficult exercises for insecure and shy people. We need to overcome internal complexes and master this technique.

Get yourself in order. Stand or sit in front of a mirror. Smile at your reflection. Then you can choose to act: read a poem, sing a song, or just talk to yourself. The goal is to get used to it, look at yourself from the outside, learn to perceive your image objectively, and understand that you are no worse than others. Start with 5 minutes and increase this time every week.

Complexes of psychological exercises can be different. The main thing is the regularity and correctness of their implementation.