Types of love in psychology, how to learn to distinguish, features

Love comes in different forms. It is foolish to think that there is one true way of love that motivates everyone. How many people there are, so many types of feelings, which are influenced by personal experience, worldview, character and the objective situation that develops between lovers. In this article we will reveal the types of love that the ancient Greeks spoke about, describing the versatility of the human soul. Can you find yourself?

So, 7 types of love:

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

1. Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
2. Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
3. Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
4. Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

1. Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of ​​the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
2. Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
3. Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
4. Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
5. Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
6. Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
7. Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
8. Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

1. Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
2. Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
3. Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
4. Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
5. Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
6. Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
7. Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

About the types of love in more detail

How to define sympathy or friendship?
There are many types of love in psychology. You just need to remember that person to whom you can tell your deepest secrets absolutely without any embarrassment and without fear of being ridiculed or humiliated. Trust and support in everything are signs of friendly relations. You can feel sympathy for a friend or girlfriend, but this feeling cannot be classified as love. Falling in love may seem like a strong feeling, but it will never last because there is no intimacy and commitment.

It is usually caused by sexual desire. But before deciding on a long-term relationship, you need to try to understand whether this person is really so dear.

In psychology, a type of love is feelings for family and relatives. This is empty love. It is difficult for a person to imagine himself in the future without these people, but he does not feel physical attraction to them. They also do not share personal information with each other. Sometimes marriages can also be built on this type of relationship.

Read also: Who is the prototype of Ilya Muromets?

Many people know about romantic relationships. Romantic love makes your heart beat faster and your breathing becomes shallow at the mere memory of that person. The burning combination of close and passionate relationships is only an illusion of real feeling, but it will gradually fade away if it is not tested by time.

In some cases, long-term relationships can turn into friendly love. It is often sought out by older people, who, as a rule, are no longer able to experience physical attraction.

Fatal love consists of passion and superficial judgments about a person. He seems ideal, his character has no weaknesses, but all this is rose-colored glasses, because without exchanging life stories it is impossible to judge a person from an objective perspective; in fact, it turns out that he is a stranger with whom he has already decided to spend his life. Is it worth it?

Perfect love is a combination of all three components of this feeling - intimacy, passion and mutual understanding in the right proportions.

This leads to the fact that people simply cannot live without each other.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

1. Lovers do not notice those around them.
2. Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
3. There are no doubts about the choice.
4. There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
5. Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
6. The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
7. Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
8. Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
9. Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

Philia

The pinnacle of manifestation of philia is selfless friendship and sincere affection. Aristotle believed that a person can experience philia for another for three reasons: the other is useful to him; the other is pleasant to him and, above all, because the other is rational and virtuous. Friendship based on the latter is associated with mutual trust.

For Plato, the best friendship is that which lovers have with each other. This is philia, born from eros, which feeds and strengthens it, transforming it from lust into the desire to better understand and get to know each other, and after this the world around us.

True friends strive to live together honestly and openly, changing themselves and helping each other change for the better, and, in essence, play the role of therapist for each other.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

1. Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
2. Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
3. Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
4. Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
5. Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
6. Constantly share plans for the future.
7. Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
8. Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
9. Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
10. Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

Eros

Eros is sexual, or passionate, love. It is this type that best corresponds to the description of romantic love. In Greek mythology, eros represents the love obsession experienced by anyone struck by Cupid's arrow.

The arrowhead touches the victim of the playful deity, and she falls into a love fever. For example, like Paris, who lost his head over Helen, which led to the Trojan War.

In modern philosophical thought, eros is understood as a living, seething force that pushes a person to survive and continue life.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

1. Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
2. In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
3. Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
4. Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

1. Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
2. Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
3. Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
4. The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
5. Trust is not typical for falling in love.

Agape

Agape is the all-encompassing, universal, highest form of love: for a spouse, a child, the world in general—anything. In the Bible, agape refers to the love of God for man and says that it is “long-suffering, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, does not act in rudeness, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices with the truth, covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Unlike storge, agape does not depend on friendships and the degree of intimacy with the other party. Agape refers to merciful, selfless, altruistic love that is ready to sacrifice without demanding anything in return.

Modern research shows that altruism brings many positive aspects to a person in the long term: better mental and physical health, euphoria from helping another. In addition, agape helps create stronger social connections. In a word, it enriches and improves the quality of life.