How to forgive yourself for past mistakes: advice from a psychologist

October 1, 2019
Psychology of Personality
Marusya the Cat

“How to forgive yourself”? - this question is asked by especially conscientious people who have made difficult and not very serious mistakes in life. Self-flagellation does not allow you to sleep at night, does not allow you to enjoy life, and prevents you from further moving forward. There are always constant negative memories in a person’s thoughts that cannot be gotten rid of. We try to punish ourselves, humbly bear our guilt and refuse spiritual and physical pleasures. Experienced specialists will tell you how to get rid of this.

The essence of the concept

The saddest situation occurs when a person does not know how to forgive himself for mistakes, or more precisely, he does not know that he is in a state of non-forgiveness. This is a very serious psychological problem that is equivalent to an illness. And, like any illness, non-forgiveness has its own “symptoms,” which are as follows:

Negative attitude towards yourself (you always try to take all the blame on yourself, even if you have nothing to do with it).
No room for error (you do not allow yourself to make mistakes because you are a perfectionist who strives for the ideal).
Denial of the essence of forgiveness. You cannot understand what forgiveness means because you do not see the meaning in it. For you, this is simply indulgence when a person gets away with everything.
Condemnation. You always judge not only yourself, but also other people who commit unfavorable actions (in your opinion). This is an erroneous position, the basis of which is pride, which gives the right to feel like a world judge.

How to forget your past life?

The past does not leave me. I recently had a dream. There I met three of my former boyfriends. They accused me of breaking up with them. The dream was incredibly true! I woke up, cold sweat..., I was afraid to fall asleep again. I wouldn't want the dream to repeat itself.

Mistakes of the past

I admit that I have made many different mistakes. I can't suffer like this anymore! My friends advise me to be distracted in every possible way. Certainly! Talking is easier than doing something. But I am very grateful to them for their advice and support. It would be a million times harder if it weren't for them. I want to say that my friends, guys, support me. I have many male friends because I believe in friendship between a man and a woman.

Probably, only amnesia or all sorts of its analogues will help me. I no longer have the strength to fight with myself and my thoughts. They are also largely to blame! I try, for example, not to think about anything, but these “attempts” are completely useless. I can't get depressed. I drive her as hard as I can. Sometimes you can do it. And there are times when I give up.

Past Life Diaries

By the way, yesterday I re-read and burned all my personal diaries. It was a pity. What else can you do? I left the photos because I’m definitely not able to get rid of them. I have so many of them that I’ve lost count! The “dark streak” will pass and I will go buy albums for all my photos. I think that you will need to purchase at least five large photo albums (for the first time).

It's stupid to run away from what once was! However, I am sure that it will be easier for me and I will be able to live cooler than now. I'm planning to buy a trip to Venice. I have always dreamed of seeing sights built on water. I have a friend who also dreams about this. Will it be possible to “unite” your cherished desire and make it come true? She would go with her common-law husband, and I would go with mine.

I want to live only in the present

Yes…. I completely forgot to say that I have a fiance. Soon we will legalize our relationship, and I will become the happiest woman on the planet. Why doesn’t Vladislav’s presence help me “cross out” the entire past? I myself am at a loss. I love him to the point of complete madness. Words cannot express my power of love! What should I do if the force turns out to be powerless? He does everything so that I don’t dwell on what has passed.

There was no need to lead such a “saturated” lifestyle. There would be fewer “labyrinths” of memories and less torment. There is another reason that “forces” me to forget my entire past. The very first love. Light, romantic, fabulous... I regret that we parted ways. However, this ending happens to many (I am not the only “victim”). I am none the better for it.

Consequences of the presence of resentment

Forgiving yourself is of great importance, because without this action it is impossible to move on in life. If you don’t understand this, you can expect negative consequences that will become an obstacle to harmony both in your personal life and at the professional level. Not forgiveness means that a person is not fully aware of his mistake and considers it an absurd accident. And even if this is so, you need to analyze everything that happened to you, draw appropriate conclusions and try not to get into such situations again.

If you don’t know how to forgive yourself or simply don’t want to do it, you risk “canning” all your negativity, not allowing it to come out. This will be deposited in your mind as resentment, anger, jealousy, vindictiveness and other qualities that are recommended to get rid of. Moreover, non-forgiveness will certainly lead to complete self-destruction, when a person has nothing joyful left in life. There is even a proven theory that negative feelings lead to serious illnesses (including cancer).

Learn from mistakes

When you make the same mistake several times, there is reason to think about how to eradicate a specific flaw in yourself. Analyze your misdeeds. Let's say you discover that all your problems are due to your inability to keep your mouth shut. Draw a conclusion for yourself and give yourself an attitude for the future: “I will not say this or that phrase until I count to twenty in my head.” This time will be enough for you to realize whether it is worth voicing your thoughts or not. Using the same principle, eradicate other shortcomings that interfere with your life.

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Self love

So how can you forgive yourself for mistakes? You need to start with self-love. This is not about narcissism and indulging all your whims. This refers to a sincere and kind attitude towards oneself as a friend, close relative or loved one. You need to forgive yourself absolutely everything, just draw the appropriate conclusions. You need to perceive life as a school that every person needs to go through. At the same time, it will be easy to compare yourself with a good student who sometimes makes mistakes, but knows how to quickly correct himself and always receives a reward for completing a task.

Elimination of negative factors

You can understand how to forgive yourself by listening to your heart. Try to analyze what exactly is pressing on your psyche. It could be another person who hurt you, negative events you were involved in and now regret your decision, or simply yourself for hurting someone. Once you identify the cause of your discomfort, you can take proactive action. Instead of guilt and resentment, you will make efforts to correct the situation. For example, ask for forgiveness from the person you offended, change your living conditions or social circle, or resort to meditation, which will be discussed below.

How to learn to live in the present? The future depends on it

Do you want to feel alive? Yoga and other eastern practices will help. Having learned to control your own body and breathing, you will be able to put your thoughts in order.

Learning to live in the moment is incredibly helpful. As a result, a person begins to feel that he belongs to what is happening. I felt that my place was here and now.

Creativity turned out to be my salvation!

Such activities reflect our inner world. By creating something new, a person comes to life and begins to understand his purpose.

The Necklace of Life consists of varying numbers of pink and black beads. Some people only have them black or pink. Some have only a few pink beads, the rest are black. There are no people on earth with the same set of beads.

You can simply wear your NECKLACE OF LIFE with dignity. Or you can try changing the set...

Positive attitude

Focusing exclusively on the positive aspects is the best solution to the question of how to forgive yourself for past mistakes. Try to completely get rid of sad memories, do not leave a single drop of negativity in your soul. It may be difficult, but only at first. If you learn to control your thoughts and direct them in the right direction, past sad events can never become an obstacle in your path. If you have a bad relationship experience, think about the times when you had a good time with this person. There is no need to remember quarrels and scandals, much less the reasons that gave rise to your grievances. Protect your soul from negativity, feed it with bright thoughts and memories.

I'm haunted by the past

“Every person has his own necklace of life,

consisting of black and pink beads..."

/Eastern wisdom/

From a very early age I was interested in the question - why do people live in the past?

The older I got, the more I was concerned about the problems of existence - I had to survive in a harsh world, earn money. I forgot who I used to be. Thoughts were confused, jumping like flames. Peace and happiness were only in the past...

I dreamed of going back, but I could live in the present - friendship, love. In my youth, the future was seen in bright colors, but at that moment there was only an emptiness ahead that had nothing to fill.

Why did I come into this world? For what purposes? I definitely had them in my youth, but I lost them along the way. They scattered and rolled away like beads on a child's necklace. It seemed to me that I would never collect them. I was afraid of everything and everyone.

And most importantly, the future was very scary...

True Forgiveness

The main task is to understand the process of the most sincere forgiveness. This means that the person has identified the essence of his guilt (or the guilt of another, which you voluntarily took upon yourself) and honestly admitted to himself that this negative aspect still exists in his life. Forgiveness will become complete relaxation, restoration of the soul, and a transition to a new level of life. After this realization, you will understand that you are ready to bring dramatic changes to your life and the lives of your loved ones. Try to look at yourself from the outside through the eyes of a loving person. Do you deserve to bear the burden of your mistakes for the rest of your life? Isn't it time to cut this rope that's holding you in place? If you analyze everything, you will understand that the time has come to finally let go of all the grievances to yourself and everyone else.

How does “living in the past” manifest itself?

It is generally accepted that a person is “living in the past” if he is in constant regret about missed opportunities, lost love and old grievances.
It seems obvious to us that he is definitely mired in the past and it’s time for him to move towards a new life. But in reality, everything is more complicated, and each of us, to one degree or another, cannot let go of the past. Psychologists unanimously say: “All problems come from childhood.” Complexes, fears, negative attitudes - all this is sewn into our consciousness and is the result of the past. Even realizing the situation, many are not ready to so easily leave the usual way of thinking and take risks, building a new life with the opportunity to become freer and happier.

Regrets about lost time, painful memories, fear of failure - all this prevents you from moving on. What makes us live in the past?

Fear of facing difficulties in reality;
Traumatic experience in the past, severe shock;
Unlived emotions, unresolved grievances;
Denial of your past, rejection of it as part of yourself;
Fear of change, fear of leaving your comfort zone;
Dissatisfaction with the present, nostalgia;
Achievement depression;
Fear of life.

If you're tired of carrying this burden on your shoulders, it's time to start taking risks and little by little looking into a brighter future.

Technique with ash

There are many ways to understand how to forgive yourself and let go of all grievances. Surely each person will have his own recipe for solving this issue, which seems most effective. One of these options is a simple and constructive way to get rid of information that is weighing you down. Find a place in your home or somewhere outdoors that makes you feel most comfortable. Take a blank sheet of paper and a pen. Try to describe all your negative thoughts that haunt you. This could be a description of some life situation, a list of people who hurt you, or simply repentance for your mistakes. Putting information on paper will help you concentrate negative energy on the sheet. Then do whatever you want with these notes. Tear into small pieces or crush as hard as you can, and then simply burn and scatter in the wind or throw the ashes into running water (a river or a toilet).

How to learn to live on?

You can’t let difficult moments cross out the future and prevent you from living in the present. It will not be possible to build a new life while carrying the burden of the past. To start over, many try not to remember the troubles and troubles they experienced. But over time it becomes more and more difficult to do this. Therefore, psychologists advise not to forget, but to replay it and let go of the situation that prevents you from starting to live.

To do this, you need to give yourself the opportunity to say goodbye to an unpleasant event. This may take time, but without rehabilitation it will simply not be possible to draw the line between the past and the new life. To survive and let go of difficult life moments, you will have to make a lot of effort

It is important to understand that inaction will lead to an even greater aggravation of the situation, and in the future - to social alienation and isolation

Useful tips for overcoming a crisis

To let go of the past and forget the pain you experienced, you can:

Go on a trip. Previously unvisited places will distract you from thoughts about the past. And realizing how interesting and huge our world is will help you begin to look at problems in a new way. Against the backdrop of a mass of emotions, due to a change in environment, they will seem much smaller and insignificant.

Change your job or even change your occupation. Mastering a new activity and getting to know the team will require a lot of effort and energy. As a result, there will simply be no time to think about the problems that interfere with life.

Give up your usual routes

Traveling to work and home along unfamiliar routes will help you experience new emotions: seeing other people, paying attention to unfamiliar infrastructure, finding a better place for daily shopping or an interesting entertainment complex.

Change your place of residence. You can move to another city or change district - in any case, there will be no time and energy left to suffer about the past.

If moving to a new home is not possible, you just need to start repairs

Decorating an apartment with your own hands will not only distract you from the past, but will also make life in the future brighter and more comfortable.

If there is a lack of funds for repairs, you can do general cleaning. And the more old things that prevent you from forgetting the past are thrown away, the faster the next stage of life will come.

If you have too much free time, self-development will help you get distracted. To do this, you can start reading classic books, watching historical films, or even learn a new skill (learning a foreign language, dancing, swimming, cycling or wrestling). For those who want to forget the past, psychologists recommend giving preference to group classes, which allow not only to gain knowledge, but also to make new acquaintances.

To forget the past, you need to try to minimize communication with old acquaintances, who cause negativity and take away energy. Do not be afraid of loneliness - when saying goodbye to the past, it will only be beneficial.

But you can’t live in alienation either. New acquaintances will help you take your mind off negative thoughts

And it doesn’t matter whether this person becomes your best friend or just a passing passer-by in your life - communication in any case will give pleasant emotions and remove memories of the past.

Make a collage of desires - a wall board that is constantly in front of your eyes. On it you need to place both pleasant and bad reminders from the past, as well as motivational quotes, images of what you want (family, career, etc.) and a plan for its implementation.

Receiving bright emotions will provide an opportunity to let go of problems from the past and create a stable base for building the future. To complete the rehabilitation that helps you forget the past, you need to start supporting others. To do this, you can get a job as a volunteer in a rehabilitation center, orphanage or animal shelter. The feeling of your own need, the awareness that there are a lot of people around who need warmth and care, will make you believe in your strength again, begin to live on and enjoy every moment.

Having stepped to the next step, you need to realize that everyone has their own pain. You just need to learn to live with it, looking only forward. And come to terms with the fact that the past cannot be erased forever. But the memories of him will fade over time and will not hurt the soul.

Useful practices

If you don’t know how to forgive yourself for past mistakes, psychologists will tell you the right solution to this problem. They insist on carrying out useful practices that help get rid of feelings of guilt and improve relationships with others. And since the main part of the “suffering audience” are women, they are the ones who need these classes. Representatives of the fair sex are more sensitive and vulnerable; they can hold a grudge against themselves and their beloved man for many decades (for men this goes away much earlier). To get rid of self-flagellation, you need to master the basic rules of meditation:

It is not necessary to imagine the image of a specific man (ex-lover, father, brother), you can simply let go of your thoughts and allow them to move in any direction. Don’t be alarmed if an exact version of the negative events that happened appears in your head with all the details, right down to what your ex-lover was wearing that day. Also, don’t be afraid if some rather strange images appear in your mind. This can be not only people, but also animals, objects, cities, etc. Allow yourself to relax and draw all the strength and power of this cleansing.
Don't be afraid to cry during meditation, as these are tears of forgiveness. You help your mental pain, which is felt on a physical level, come out. This state often happens not only during personal practices, you can fall into it in a temple, in nature, in unique places, while listening to your favorite or sad music. Don't let the tears stop, let them flow as much as your soul requires. And if this happens during meditation, try to continue the sessions until you feel better. When you don’t feel like crying during your next session, you will understand that the pain is behind you.

How to forgive yourself for past mistakes and start life with a clean slate

The importance of self-forgiveness may seem overblown, but it is directly related to a person's sense of self, since it allows one to accept oneself as the natural version and the vision of others.

Forgiving yourself allows you to clear the emotional sphere of negative experiences, at least in your own direction, which for some is the dominant component of experiences that are toxic if there is discontent, aggression, resentment and other negative feelings. Long-standing unforgiveness and non-acceptance of oneself leads to the development of psychosomatic disorders, destroys the system of social connections and the general structure of the personality.

By forgiving yourself, you let go of the past and open the door to new opportunities, so if you were waiting for a stable family life, and it collapsed with divorce several years ago, then there are several ways - scold yourself for not coping, look for missed moments and stop your life, or admit own mistakes. Forgive your weakness and start building new relationships or traveling the world, but getting rid of the heavy burden of dashed hopes. By letting go of the past by forgiving yourself, you give the future a chance to be realized faster. Even if you didn’t become an astronaut, you can sit and drink away this grief every evening, criticizing your lack of composure and inappropriate physical characteristics, or you can accept your shortcomings and become a coach for future space heroes. It may well be that what you can do by admitting your mistakes and accepting them will be much more fun and rewarding than self-deprecation about failure.

Having learned to forgive yourself, you can more easily endure your mistakes, quickly reorient yourself to correcting them, and after this comes an understanding and accepting attitude towards others. Relationships become warmer when two imperfect, but living and forgiving people meet, than when perfectionists who do not forgive mistakes either to themselves or to those around them enter the fray - after this, only scorched earth remains, instead of feelings and human communication. The more claims and criticisms you have, the more conflict situations and clashes you will find in your interpersonal contacts. Many, trying to improve relationships, try to change their partner, but those who begin to treat themselves with more love, without trying to interfere in the life of another person, over time notice that the relationship itself has become better and more enjoyable for both.

Self-forgiveness helps you think differently about the failures that a priori will happen in life, because it is impossible to live it perfectly, but only now will it be possible to perceive these as lessons in development, and not as punishments and indicators of one’s unworthiness. A lighter attitude towards negativity in one’s own person prevents the emergence of severe emotional and physical blocks, and accordingly reduces the risk of somatic diseases, and releases a lot of energy spent on containment.

The past and its events influence the present, and the perception of this experience shapes the future. And if you treat the events of the past days as a reason to smile or be proud, then everything is fine, but not all events are like that, there are some that make you wake up in the middle of the night, reduce self-esteem, form a negative self-perception and do not allow you to cross the line where it begins new life.

How to forgive yourself for the past can become a question for one evening, if the situation is not very dramatic and you have someone with whom to shed light on its dynamics, relieve feelings of guilt, or it can become a topic of work for several months, requiring the lifting of very old layers of memory that influenced to these events and sensations. Forgiveness is not a decision, or a momentary change in the situation, it is a process that is triggered by making a decision, requires a change in attitude, but still affects various areas of existence and takes time.

You need to figure out how to forgive yourself and move on, and in exactly this order, since starting a new life is impossible with a load of misunderstood lessons behind you and without letting go of what has long lost its relevance. Actions of the past, now diagnosed as erroneous, do not allow conscience to sleep peacefully because those actions no longer correspond to the real picture, i.e. your moral and ethical values have changed in such a way that your previous behavior or judgment is no longer acceptable. It is precisely this mechanism of personal development that gives rise to a feeling of guilt or shame for what we were before, because there is a reassessment of both events and manifestations of one’s personality, and while in the process of such transformation, one must remember the need to focus not on punishing and blaming oneself , but it is better to shift the focus of attention to the changes that have occurred. Noticing what has happened to your personality, that you now consider what you did to be wrong, drawing conclusions from all this and applying them to your future life is the first stage necessary in turning the page. Try to derive benefit from internal discomfort for further development, albeit not directly, but useful in terms of experience, even if then your reputation and social connections suffered, now you will be able to understand the mechanisms of such actions. In addition, some past actions make us feel ashamed not because our value system has undergone changes, but simply because they were committed out of ignorance, which, again, instead of blaming ourselves, should be considered as experience and knowledge for the future.

To live a new life, the events of the past must be left where they happened, and not dragged into each new day with an attempt to correct it, i.e. you need to start living differently right this second. The option of yet another resuscitation of a relationship with a person, where he cannot stand it and is rude, speaks of an unlearned experience of incompatibility and a desire to still correct oneself or a partner, to change the past from the present, but in reality this only stops development, turning life into Groundhog Day.

If you are wondering how to forgive yourself and move on, then start by drawing up a plan for a new life and the required changes. It is important to analyze the desired changes relative to the past, i.e. you mentally choose another job, another answer to the offender, another city, another road. You need to devote special time to such a fantasy and let it feel what is happening to every cell of yours, imagining that changes have occurred. For many, this is a release of accumulated tension and a stimulus for real changes, when a clear realization comes that they were living an artificial and not entirely their life. But it is not necessary to actually change all the points that you wrote; some of them can be left as invaluable experience and inner wisdom. It’s hardly worth going to another country to give a different answer to a person’s question ten years ago, although the significance of this question may force you to buy a plane ticket and radically change your life - decide.

You will have to work with replaying negative situations in your head, since their constant presence only worsens the negative emotional state. Keep track of the moments at which these memories arise and try to control them, without immersing yourself as much as possible in experiencing guilt, but concentrating on logical analysis and drawing out the practical benefits of the experience, you can look at it from the outside to determine the degree of horror. The more often you include logical control over emerging thoughts, the more benefits you will gain, and when you realize everything that this episode could teach you, the subconscious will automatically stop showing the unsightly picture.

Be patient with this process and don’t push yourself, your task is to give yourself love and understanding that any changes require time and a pause, patience and possible returns to the previous level. Change your concept now and choose to praise yourself for your accomplishments rather than scold yourself for not being able to forgive yourself quickly, then a new page in life will become closer.

Give yourself a reboot in order to separate a new period of life with external events - you can leave your usual city, change your surroundings, enroll in new courses or a psychological group. You can change your social circle or simply add new acquaintances and topics of interest, or you can change your appearance or give up something harmful. Anything that will signal you about the onset of a new life has a right to exist, even if it’s a new country, even a toothbrush.

Breath of Satori

The question of how to forgive yourself for past mistakes will be resolved on its own if you use a radical method of getting rid of negativity. To do this, you need to retire to a separate room, lie down on the bed (you can turn on your favorite music, preferably rhythmic). Then begin to breathe actively and energetically. This procedure should last at least half an hour. At the same time, you should imagine how the negative leaves your body and leaves room for new life-affirming good energy, which you will now emit. Do not try to increase your breathing as much as possible if you feel discomfort. Try to choose the optimal rhythm and depth of inhalations and exhalations for yourself.

Alternative method

An alternative method to the breathing method will help those who want to forgive themselves for the mistakes of the past. To get rid of negative energy, you need to turn on loud music or sound with physical actions. You can simply scream, sing, hit pillows, break objects (for example, dishes), tear paper. All this allows excess emotions to come out and get rid of discomfort. Some people prefer to simply go out into nature (so as not to scare others) and shout loudly. In order to become stronger and healthier, you can use all available methods. Just don’t get used to doing this all the time. You should allow yourself to do this only as a last resort (if we are talking about breaking dishes or other objects). If you do this constantly after each of your mistakes, you can cultivate in yourself a feeling of aggression and the need for destruction of this kind.

What prevents us from forgetting the past?

Well, I just can’t seem to let go of everything.

Don't worry, you're fine.

There are completely objective reasons that prevent you from forgetting the past.

Here are the most common ones:

Guilt.
The past often does not let go of those guilty of some crime or even a minor misdemeanor.
The more conscientious a person is, the heavier the burden of his guilt will be.
If you did something bad without malicious intent, then you simply must finally forgive yourself.
But the surest way to forget the past and say goodbye to feelings of guilt is to try to correct the situation: return what was taken away, ask for forgiveness for the offense caused, try to somehow compensate for the loss.
You will immediately feel better.
The desire to return to the past.
Sometimes you need to forget not so much the bad things that happened in your past, but the good things.
The most telling example of foolish clinging to the past, because it was much better there than now, is the loss of property and position in society by the elite after wars or other disasters.
This was the case in the United States after the Civil War and the Great Depression, in Europe after the First World War, and in Russia after the Revolution of 1917.
The nobility and large entrepreneurs, who had lost their capital, palaces and titles, forced to adapt to a new life, spent all their energy on whining and complaints, not wanting to let go of the past and live in the present.
Read also: How to get a guy out of the friend zone and start dating a girl

How can you forget the past? Say goodbye to him forever!

Once upon a time, at one of the trainings, I heard an interesting idea that a marriage cannot be considered a marriage until it has undergone a ritual.

When we, young and modern, buzzed indignantly, the coach explained to us what she meant: not a stamp in a passport, but a ritual.

Decide for yourself what it will be: a traditional painting in the registry office, a wedding in a church, or some kind of playful ceremony on the seashore with friends, but without a ritual - nothing.

Rituals can also be used if you cannot forget the past.

With what ceremony you say goodbye to them is your business.

If we are talking about your ex-husband, you can take all his things and throw them away.

You can get rid of previously inflicted insults on you by writing a letter to all your offenders: “I forgive you for such and such...”, and then burn this letter.

You can come up with your own fun ritual, the main thing is to effectively say goodbye to your past, forget it as quickly as possible and start rapidly moving forward.

5 useful tips on how to forget the past

Sometimes you have to use your entire arsenal of means to finally start living in the present.

Here are some more useful tips that will definitely help:

Don't look back.
Train yourself not to say: “But if I had done this then...” or “But before...”.
The past cannot be returned and corrected.
Focus on the present and on achieving your goals in the future.
Live today so that you don't have to regret the past.
Every day gives us so many opportunities to change our lives for the better.
But for some reason, not everyone is in a hurry to take advantage of these opportunities, preferring to be nostalgic for what once was.
Don't be afraid of change.
No matter how much you love stability, you need to understand that nothing in this world lasts forever.
Everything changes.
You need to change with this world, otherwise you will quickly find yourself left behind.
In addition, many changes can only benefit you and not harm you.
Try to get rid of everything that reminds you of troubles that happened earlier, be it things or people.
Sincerely believe that a sea of happiness awaits you in the future as compensation for past troubles.

And the following video describes an interesting exercise:

by completing which you can forget and let go of your past:

Remember that you definitely need to think about how to forget the past.

If you do not make room for something new, but continue to cling to what is no longer in your life, then you will never be able to become an absolutely happy person.

The final stage

Another important question: “How to ask for forgiveness from yourself?” This can also be done using the methods described above. If you have spent a lot of energy getting rid of negativity (breathing heavily, screaming or breaking dishes), it is recommended to completely relax. After active actions, turn on calm music, mentally ask for forgiveness from everyone you have hurt, forgive them yourself. Try to understand that all the evil and resentment that had been accumulating all the previous time has now left you. There is nothing left that can throw you off balance or continue to torment you. Your soul and thoughts are bright, a new path is beginning, which must be perceived with optimism.

What to do?

Is this a familiar story? Don't despair! You will probably need the help of a psychologist. Or find a self-help group of people with similar problems.

But I perked up and decided to act on my own!

Make a list of your fears

The first thing I did was put my fears on paper. Everything, even childish and completely ridiculous! In this way I managed to get rid of many phobias.

Try to look into the past

People who live in the past idealize it too much. I tried to mentally return to the situations and places I wanted to go to again. It turns out that not everything was cloudless then... Remembering the unpleasant moments, I said goodbye to the idealized image.

Forgiveness Meditation by Louise Hay

This practice of experienced psychologist L. Hay is universal because it can be used for any occasion. Your offenders can be not only representatives of the stronger sex; it is quite possible to imagine familiar or abstract women in this image (sometimes there are cases that a girl, even in an unfamiliar person, constantly sees her rival). Practice once a month and you will soon feel relief. It won't matter if you were wronged or offended. All troubles will be a thing of the past, as it should be ideally. If you resort to this method, the thought that life does not forgive mistakes will leave you forever. The sequence is:

Find yourself a comfortable place where it smells of your favorite aromas, with quiet music or pleasant sounds of nature, take your favorite meditation position.
Completely relax your entire body (especially your face), let go of all thoughts and visualize the theater stage and yourself in a dark, crowded theater.
There is a person on stage who is your offender. He is very happy because he is experiencing a joyful event. Try to feel his positivity, recharge from his joy.
Now imagine yourself next to this person. You are also in a state of joy, you are both happy, but each in your own way. You are not partners, but you enjoy spending time together.

This ten-minute session will help you learn to experience positive emotions again. You will see a dramatic increase in positivity in your life.

Destroy the imposed image

For example, you were considered the ideal and wisest mother on earth, but you acted rudely with your child. And then there was public censure. “We didn’t expect it from anyone, but from you,” the people said. So remember that you are not obligated to meet anyone's expectations. And they should not remain in the same image. You are not an actor, you are a living person and you cannot be perfect. Destroy the image imposed by society or the image you have invented in order to become yourself and accept yourself with shortcomings.

Liberation from grievances against representatives of the stronger sex using the Sviyash technique

The practice of forgiving men by A. Sviyash will allow you not only to free yourself from the burden of negative memories of past relationships, but also to easily allow you to build new, positive ones. This session will relieve you of sad thoughts, give you the opportunity to treat the stronger sex more leniently, restore your self-confidence and allow you to enjoy life to the full again. This meditation will also help you let go of a dead man who hurt you (or you hurt him) and you did not have time to sort things out with him. The session takes place in the following sequence:

Imagine an image of your offender and ask for forgiveness, remembering him in the third person (this can be done out loud or silently). For example: “I forgive (name or status) with sincere gratitude and love, accept him as the Creator created him, and also ask forgiveness for my negative thoughts, feelings and actions towards him.” Repeat this until you feel a comfortable warmth in the heart area. In relation to the deceased, say that you are letting him go.
Eight times (this is an approximate number) say the phrase: “With gratitude and love (name or status) forgives me for negative thoughts, feelings and actions towards him.” These words will help erase all the negative thought forms sent to you by a man during your conflicts. Don't focus on counting the number of phrases you repeat, do it until you feel the warmth of relief. Imagine this person. A signal of complete self-forgiveness will be that he appears before you with a good-natured face and calmly leaves, waving his hand to you in a friendly way goodbye.
It's time to ask for forgiveness from your own life. Do it this way: “I forgive my own life and accept all its manifestations. I apologize for the negative thoughts, feelings and actions on my part. Life forgives me for thoughts, feelings and actions that were negative.”

Why you can't live in the past

While we look back at the past, moments and opportunities in the present elude us. Looking back is the same as walking backwards along the road: not noticing anything new around you, only your old traces. Your goals and plans may not be realized just because you are only looking back.

In the past, many people have people who were once dear to them. You need to understand that your paths have diverged. Everyone has their own path that they follow.

Someone has risen in life, someone has remained at the same level, someone has fallen... Just let them go and pay attention to those who are nearby

Often we remember past failures, grievances, problems. It is necessary to forget about all mistakes and forgive your ill-wishers. Live in the present day. Memories only “drag” you back and prevent you from moving forward into a brighter future.

How to get rid of the past

“Healing” will not come on its own. You have to want to get rid of it and start working on it. At one point you have to tell yourself “I'm done living with memories” and move forward.

Scolding yourself for past mistakes, choices, misdeeds - this means living in that time until the end of your days. You just need to realize that at that moment you simply could not do otherwise. Since you did not have enough knowledge, experience, or the level of awareness that you have at the moment. Just learn a valuable lesson from past mistakes. If there were no “old” you, then there would be no “real” one.

A person often lives in the past due to unhealed mental wounds. Some can be so strong that it seems like it happened just recently. To start a new life, wounds must be healed. If it seems that the time has not yet come for this, then it is not so. You are simply afraid to let go of this pain.

To make it easier to free yourself from the burden of the past, thank it for the experience and wisdom it gave. Write down a few past moments on a piece of paper, and next to them add what they taught you. Leave this experience with you in the present, and throw off the extra burden.

Forgive people who have hurt you in the past. Understand that you and they are already completely different people, and those who hurt you are no longer there. Forget and forgive everything.

To quickly get rid of your past, simply switch all your attention to the present. Direct all your energy to what you want at the moment: work, hobbies, goals, etc.

This way you simply won't have time for memories.

Summarizing

“The future worries us, but the past holds us back. This is why the present eludes us." Gustave Flaubert. This is a very correct statement. By holding on to past moments, you do not live, but exist in the present.

Letting go of the past is not as easy as it seems at first glance. Only strong individuals can do this on their own. If you need help with this, you can seek help from a psychologist. Don’t be afraid and think that because you came to him, there’s something wrong with you. He will help you put everything in its place and start living not in the past, but in the present. Never returning to the old problems again.

Kosarskaya technique

Many people are interested in the question of how to forgive themselves for past mistakes. Psychologist Kosarskaya is ready to share her unique methodology. The specialist claims that past grievances lead to severe physical ailments that have a detrimental effect on our physical health and mental balance. To get rid of them, you should do the following:

Seclude yourself in a separate room, take your favorite pose, surround yourself with everything you like.
Try to focus on the memories of your destiny, taking into account all the grievances and sorrows, even from the most distant childhood.
Replay all your thoughts, feelings, sensations. Don't be afraid to experience the physical pain that may be present when remembering. Experience it again, let it affect all your cells and every segment of nerve.
Visually transport yourself to a huge cinema and imagine yourself in front of its big screen.
Transfer all your memories of grievances to the screen, make the image bright and voluminous, watch a film about your own destiny.
When you see people on the screen who have hurt you, talk to them (mentally or out loud). Recall the hurt they have caused you (or simply summarize it in the form: “You caused me a lot of pain and tears.” Say that despite this, you forgive them and let them go. Then ask for forgiveness for your actions, say that you didn’t they wanted to cause harm intentionally and that this would not happen again.
Move from one “character” on the screen to another, from one offender to another. Don’t forget those people who were offended or underestimated by you.

Harmful reproaches

Self-criticism is always violence within the individual. You beat yourself up and then try to survive with broken ribs, a darned heart, a blocked throat, and a burning face from being slapped. How about we give ourselves a little freedom and remove the collar of reproaches with which we like to pacify and suppress ourselves? Maybe we are being too hard on ourselves?

In response to the beatings, our tormented and bleeding self will only grin, revealing fragments of knocked out teeth and spit blood at our feet. Comparing ourselves with others, scolding ourselves at all costs, lowly and inadequately assessing our actions, ourselves, our appearance, we not only do not help ourselves, but even cripple ourselves. It is impossible to “become better” through brutality and violence. This is how we raise only a slave: bitter, weak, withdrawn, closed and not trusting anyone.

It is not surprising that we often do not find a place for ourselves in life, in new companies. We have no time to be interested in other people and new opportunities, because we are busy monitoring ourselves and counting the “minuses”; we only have time to kick and slap our inner selves: “Sit up straight! Don't mumble! Say something smart! What are you talking about?! I look like...” We are anxious, suspicious and apathetic.