Serious relationships: what it means, description in psychology, characteristics for the individual

Young people often rush to bring the illusion of “adulthood” into their lives by placing too much emphasis on things like attraction, flirting, or even just being polite to the opposite sex. However, in the life of every boy and every girl there comes a moment when a clear understanding of what a “serious relationship” means can protect them from premature mistakes and allow them not to miss out on a real feeling. All the exciting questions on this topic are discussed further in the article.

Serious relationship: what does this phrase mean?

All people, regardless of age, need a soul mate, and, starting from late adolescence, physical attraction is also added to the needs of a moral nature, expressed primarily in the desire to touch one’s chosen one. Choosing a permanent companion is almost always a process of trial and error, although each time a person may think that he has found his only happiness. Why does this happen?

The main mistake of failed relationships, revealed in the subsequent analysis of events, is the haste with which young people decide about the nature of their feelings and evaluate their partner’s reaction. What a “serious relationship” means for a teenage girl will most likely turn out to be a manifestation of paternal care on the part of a young teacher, and the clumsy coquetry of a frivolous young lady will be perceived by most guys as a call for intimacy.

Fleeting connections, if they are not a manifestation of sporting interest, leave a bitter mark on the soul, but they are also part of an invaluable experience on the path to understanding important truths. By comparing one's expectations and reality, learning to accept the individuality of a partner, a person forms his own personal idea of a serious relationship. What this phrase means, everyone will explain in their own way. And the interpretation may not coincide with the opinion of the majority, because human views can change repeatedly over the years, but this phrase will serve as a guideline in finding a partner for a specific period of life.

Rules of open relationships3

If an open relationship suits both partners, it can last a long time, but if it’s just one, it’s a road to nowhere.

Each couple sets their own rules:

Understand for yourself (what kind of format this is, is it suitable). You need to decipher the concept of “open relationship” for yourself. Make sure that you can accept your companion’s trips to the left.

Thoroughly agree with your partner. Agreements must address the fundamental issue of what is allowed and what is not. It is definitely worth discussing not only rights, but also responsibilities. Both partners must agree to mutual freedom. You can set visiting days, a time limit, after which you cannot invade personal space.
Honesty. Talk about everything openly, heart to heart, without complaints or conflicts. Even the most slippery and unpleasant moments do not need to be kept to yourself.
No jealousy. Freedom of relationship implies connection with other partners on the side. By agreeing to third-party relationships, everyone agrees to forget about jealousy. Otherwise there can be no talk of any freedom.
No feelings. You can't fall in love or make long-term plans. If this happens, freedom is over. It is worth discussing the situation directly with your partner and deciding whether to break off the relationship or take it to another level.
Compliance with agreements. All of the above must be observed impeccably. In addition, partners can enter into a more detailed agreement, outlining the format, time and place of outside relationships, time spent together, etc.
Distance. It is necessary to designate everyone’s personal space and not allow its boundaries to be violated. Tenderness, hugs, and frequent intimacy lead to addiction.
No expectations. You shouldn’t expect your partner to “come to his senses” and propose a serious relationship, marriage, or family. There should be no illusions, they spoil relationships, look at your union soberly.

The rules can be changed and canceled at the request of one of the parties. The main thing is that the relationship is harmonious and does not bring discomfort. An open relationship is not suitable for every couple. In such unions, people living at a distance, overly busy at work, and deprived of attention coexist well.

How to recognize a serious relationship

What does it mean to have a “serious relationship between a man and a woman”? In the modern world, not all romantic love stories end with a marriage proposal, so the transition to a new level of relationship is often determined only by the presence of new signs in the partners’ behavior:

the chosen one seeks to take responsibility for the health and moral state of the other half;
young people do not hesitate to initiate each other into their innermost secrets;
partners are not looking for a reason to meet or call each other;
relatives and friends on both sides are aware of the relationship between the young people;
lovers have joint plans and long-term projects;
If an important event occurs in the life of one of the couple members, then the first person to know about it is the loved one.

Another very important sign of a serious relationship is that partners are sympathetic to each other’s hobbies, even if they are far from traditional or considered outdated. Young people don’t have to share the interests of their other half, but they certainly won’t treat their lover’s hobbies with ridicule.

Psychological differences between men and women

There are significant differences between the way men and women think... especially when it comes to relationships.

The problem is that both partners often don't even know about these differences! This means that they become easily irritated when their partner does not do what they expect.

For example, a woman can share problems with a man simply because she wants to relieve stress, she does not need ready-made solutions. If a man gives her advice instead of listening, she will subconsciously be annoyed because she expects different behavior from the man.

All she wanted was to talk to relieve stress. But the man did not know about this female feature.

Therefore, in order to avoid conflicts in relationships, it is necessary to know the differences between the male and female psyches.

“Harmony of relationships” . Interview with Oleg Gadetsky, founder of the Psychology 3000 project.

“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus ,” says John Gray in his book. In it, he describes two completely different types of life that must somehow coexist in this world.

Indeed, the difference between a man and a woman is so significant that we can assume that these are creatures from different planets.

Men and women react and view situations differently. Often their vision does not coincide at all. But men and women, in order to build strong relationships, need to take into account each other's characteristics.

Let's look at the main differences between men and women.

#1. Different needs

For a woman, the main thing in a relationship is the relationship itself, and the ideal man is the one who understands and accepts her.

While for a man the main thing is recognition, respect and achievement of results. A man is a protector by nature, and the ideal woman for him is one who unconditionally accepts his authority and considers him the head of the family.

When a man is having a bad day, he is not going to talk about it in detail like a woman does. He wants to be alone to cope with the situation.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be more emotional during difficult times. This turns into a need to be listened to and empathized with.

It is very important for both men and women to be loved. But women, as a rule, need words to satisfy this need, while men need actions.

#2. Logic vs intuition

In most cases, men are guided by logic, and women by intuition. Therefore, men are more objective - feelings and emotions do not prevent them from adequately perceiving what is happening.

Women are more observant due to their innate ability to focus on small things. These details are the source of women's intuition.

#3. Decisions versus feelings

For women, emotions and feelings are the most important thing in any relationship, while men live in a world of action and responsibility.

In difficult situations, men ask themselves the question “What can be done?” , while women ask “How to do this?” or “With whom?”

Recommended reading → 42 unknown quotes about fathers and sons

Men make laws, women make morals. It's important to understand this difference when it comes to building long-term relationships.

#4. Emotions

-You are so indifferent! You didn't answer my call! Oh, you're cheating on me! You do not love me! – I just went out to drink coffee!

It's not hard to guess where the man is and where the woman is, right?

Women often cannot cope with their emotions, also due to the constant influence of monthly hormonal cycles.

Men are more consistent. Yes, they also go through a number of hormonal changes, but the rest of the time they are very stable and balanced.

#5. Physical intimacy vs emotional

Before sex, it is enough for a man to have visual contact with a woman, while a woman wants romance and emotional intimacy.

A man is attracted by the spectacle, a woman by the personality of a man. A man can start right away; a woman needs time to prepare emotionally and psychologically.

#6. Achievements vs. Relationships

Men value their achievements, and women value their relationships. That is why for most men the main thing is work and career, while for most women it is family.

Men are very sensitive to professional successes and failures. To feel fulfilled, men must achieve their goals.

For women it's the other way around. If no one cares about a woman, this is not good , even if she is a self-sufficient and independent entrepreneur.

#7. Independence of decision making

Men are less influenced by the environment, so they are more likely to be decisive and confident.

Women, on the other hand, listen to different opinions, weigh the pros and cons, and have strong doubts in the decision-making process.

Men care too little about what women have to say, and this isolation sometimes leads to women feeling emotionally abandoned.

#8: Substance vs. Details

Women see the details, men see the essence.

On the first date, she will analyze his every word, gesture, sign, smile, face, nails, eyebrows, shoes and much more. He will see the woman as a whole.

In a long-term relationship, a woman worries about dirty dishes in the kitchen, lots of socks around the house, and stains on the curtain.

A man doesn't do this. Often he doesn't even notice that anything is wrong. "Mess? I don't see any disorder..."

Women also pay a lot of attention to others. They will never miss someone's teary eyes, trembling lips, poor appetite or unusual restraint. Men may well not notice this.

#9: Temper vs. Patience

Despite the emotionality of women and the stability of men, which we have already talked about, in conflicts women are more flexible and pliable, while men often swear and argue a lot.

Moreover, women's patience is especially noticeable when it comes to illness or fatigue. A woman may go to work, cook lunch and carry bags from the supermarket with a high fever.

At the same time, most men turn a runny nose into a struggle for survival.

# 10. “Channel” of love

And last on this list is how men and women perceive the world. For men, the main thing is what they look at; for women, it’s what they hear.

Woodrow Wyeth's famous quote . ”

Contrary to popular belief, men fall in love at first sight: they quickly examine the girl and begin to act.

Women, on the contrary, need to find out as much as possible about their prospective partner, listen to his opinions on all life issues and then make a final decision.

How to deal with these differences?

Most often, problems in relationships arise when men and women do not know how different they are from each other.

Our inability to accept and respect these differences leads to bitter disappointment, stress and, as a result, the end of relationships.

So, the key to overcoming differences in a relationship between a man and a woman is understanding the differences between the two sexes.

How to build relationships correctly

In every relationship there is a risk of being “left behind”, and it will never be possible to completely get rid of this possibility of events. It is within the capabilities of partners to reduce this risk to a minimum, but such work will only be fruitful if equal efforts are made jointly.

To begin with, lovers should decide what a serious relationship means (any person can probably tell you in their own words about the meaning that can be put into this concept) for each of them. Are there not significant differences in both theories and is not something of little importance for one of them that seems vitally important for the other? Mutual confessions and frank conversation will remove all existing misunderstandings and give an understanding of what young people want to get from a new relationship.

Compromise and concessions are not weakness when it comes to respecting the opinions or interests of your lover. At the beginning of the romantic period, partners tend to idealize each other and begin to feel deceived when events do not develop as in their fantasies. It is easy to avoid this if you immediately accept both the positive and negative sides of your loved one, and do not turn a blind eye to his minor shortcomings, hoping that they will eliminate themselves over time.

All expressions of feelings are welcome

A conscious relationship is a room in which you can feel anything. This is a room where you can share your feelings and dreams with your partner. This is a territory of uncertainty.

It's rare to be honest about who you are and help your partner do the same. You may not like what you hear; this conversation can bring the absolute hell out of you. But you have to be prepared for this if you want to be your true self.

We are used to bending and changing to please the people we love because we don’t want them to stop loving us. But this destroys love.

The only way out is to be completely honest: to identify the part of ourselves that is difficult for us to share, and allow our partner to do the same. This will lead to understanding, which in turn will increase love.

Different points of view

The meaning of a serious relationship for a person changes not only with a change of partner, but also over time. A young couple can position themselves as strong and established in the presence of a harmonious sexual union, and being abroad for their 50th birthday, people will pay more attention to the sensitivity and prudence of their partner. This explains the huge difference in views and values between people with large age differences.

Modern views of young people on relationships are also ambiguous. Despite the fact that in their dreams most girls adhere to the traditional relationship scenario prescribed by the classics, in reality they have to literally prove to a potential companion their right to exist next to him. Of course, this doesn’t always happen, but more and more young people are entering adulthood with the confidence that a serious relationship comes not with taking responsibility for their significant other, but after a certain number of successful dates.

Subjective reality

Every person must accept and come to terms with the fact that there are people for whom physical intimacy is of paramount importance. For many, this may seem immoral, but it is quite normal. They express their feelings or demonstrate their freedom through sex. Therefore, for them, short-term affairs and one-night stands are normal and commonplace. If you have a completely different personality type, for which physical intimacy is in the background, then the relationship with such a partner will not last long.

There are also people for whom intimate intimacy is important, but emotional intimacy is much more important. They view sex as one of the components of a relationship, and when choosing a partner, they focus on mental connection.

How to recognize a guy's serious intentions

Before moving into the stage of a romantic relationship, young people communicate a lot, try to interest each other and prove themselves to a potential partner. This mutually exciting game, if you don’t rush into it headlong and leave a little room for discretion, can tell a girl a lot about a guy’s real intentions.

You should pay attention to how the guy listens to his companion. If he endlessly interrupts her, often changes position, “wrinkles” during a conversation, then most likely he is only creating the illusion of interest in the girl’s opinion or story. Perhaps he only needs a listener who would admire his exploits, or a friend for a few dates, whose life story is not at all interesting to him.

A good sign is if the guy himself asks his chosen one leading questions about her family, hobbies, friends and listens to her “to the point” every time without interrupting. A young man who really likes a girl is in no hurry to “pour out his soul,” talk about painful issues, or make hasty confessions.

If a guy brings up all serious conversations only after drinking alcohol, it is better to immediately give up hope for a strong relationship, since in this way passively minded men seek to relieve themselves of responsibility for further events. If they receive a refusal, they can easily blame everything on their inadequate state and not resume attempts until the next binge.

Actions are an indicator of relationships

Men cannot help but make promises, and their nature varies from explicit ones (“We’ll go to the cinema on Saturday”) to veiled ones (“It would be nice to go to the cinema one of these days”). It has been noticed that guys who are determined to win a girl very rarely use “vague” messages and try to put more certainty into their promises. Conversely, frequently used indefinite word forms that look like promises always show uncertainty, lack of a direct goal and fear of committing oneself to the consent received.

If a promise is made, it must be kept. Following this rule will show what a serious relationship at this stage of life and with a specific companion means to a man. A very common mistake of gullible girls is to constantly forgive a guy for his “mistakes” and wasted words. Men quickly lose respect for their chosen ones who are too “understanding” and subsequently consciously avoid moving “from words to deeds.”

Signs of a destructive relationship

Relationships can be both healthy and destructive. Each person determines the purpose and methods of their construction for himself independently.

may indicate that you are in a destructive union :

Regular reluctance of the partner to discuss problems that have arisen.
Lack of respect for the feelings, interests and desires of another person.
Mistrust.
Deception (from minor concealment to major lies).
Violation of personal boundaries.
Imposed control, ranging from managing a partner’s finances to checking correspondence on social networks and instant messengers.
Forced sexual activity or reproductive violence.
Lack of equality.
Insults and humiliation.
Psychological or physical violence.
False accusations.
Manipulation.

Couples who use destructive behavior during arguments (such as yelling, insults, personal and hurtful criticism of the partner, avoiding discussion of the problem, and even using physical violence) are more likely to separate than couples in which partners express their points of view constructively and respect each other's opinions.

Disagreements are part of any human relationship. With the right approach to them, you can get a lot of advantages, because often it is in a dispute that the truth is born. However, not everyone can constructively resolve differences of opinion that arise. Using constructive strategies, such as listening to the other person and understanding their feelings, is a healthier way to deal with disagreements.

There can be a huge number of reasons for conflicts, ranging from socks scattered around the house to issues of raising children. Both cases are absolutely normal, but only if they are resolved correctly. If you quarreled over an unclosed tube of toothpaste and after 5 minutes you forgot about it and continue to enjoy each other’s company, then there is no reason to worry. It is much worse if a minor quarrel becomes the reason for insults, manipulation, or silence for several days or even weeks [American Psychological Association, 2020].

Every relationship has its ups and downs, but some factors are more likely than others to lead to a crisis. One sign of a problem is repeated conflicts for the same reason. For example, constant quarrels over financial issues or household things. In such cases, it is recommended to contact qualified family psychologists who will help couples improve interaction and find healthy ways to resolve conflicts.

Don't wait until there are signs of trouble in your relationship before you begin to strengthen your union. There are special programs and courses that examine the system, model, rules and features of building family relationships. The goal of these programs is to teach partners such important skills as good communication, listening and resolving disagreements, thereby significantly reducing the risk of conflicts and divorces.

One such program is our online course “Building Relationships.” In it we have collected the secrets of creating happy and harmonious couples. The program is suitable for both people who have been married for a long time and those who are just planning to start a family and are at the stage of choosing a life partner.

Intimate question

Of course, not every couple who waits until after engagement to have first sex lives a happy life together, and not every relationship that starts in bed falls apart in the first few years. However, statistics of successful marriages say that it is better not to rush into an intimate relationship until the partners have completely gone through the stages of preliminary acquaintance and courtship. There are several reasons for following this sequence:

It is very important for men to be a conqueror in a relationship, and too easy access to a girl’s body deprives them of the opportunity to express themselves fully;
Having achieved sex during the first dates, a guy may come to the conclusion that he has become involved with a frivolous person and stop taking her seriously;
sexual intimacy between people who do not know each other well usually causes disappointment, which leaves a negative imprint on the relationship as a whole.

Patience and the effort to first get to know a person's intentions, habits and values are always rewarded with quality sex that feels like a reward rather than a predictable event. Psychologists do not name the exact period of “waiting” for the desired moment, but they definitely advise to refrain from sex during the first 5 dates (provided that they occur 1-2 times a week).

Open relationship format

An open relationship is a model of behavior between partners when they are satisfied with communicating with each other without a stamp in the passport and responsibility. A synonym for the expression “open relationship” is sex without obligations. That is, everyone is free to enter into an intimate relationship with anyone without coordinating it with the other half.

Classic relationships differ from free ones in the presence of jealousy and control. In a marriage, there can also be dalliances, but they are unauthorized and cause feelings of jealousy in the other partner. There can be no jealousy in an open relationship.

There are many types of open relationships. Each couple independently determines for itself the boundaries of what is permitted. The relationship can be partial, i.e. Flirting on the side, walking, going to restaurants, going to the movies, but without sex is allowed. This is something like a “friend zone”. Intimacy only in couples!

A complete open relationship is when any outside relationships are allowed. Having a common budget, shared living space and even children, partners give each other absolute freedom of action. In the presence of his companion, the partner can arrange a date, look for a temporary or permanent lover.

In practice, complete open relationships often evolve first into partial ones and then into classical ones. Having met, a man and a woman have a pleasant time without limiting each other in anything. Then they have feelings. And they agree on freedom without sexual infidelity.

And when people become so close that they begin to trust each other, they try to create a stronger union. This is how classic relationships arise - marital ones.

There are other types of open relationships:

Guest marriage. The relationship is registered in the registry office, but the spouses do not live together, but visit each other. They can live in different cities and countries, there is no common life, but there is a certain freedom in relationships.
Friendly sex. Friendship without sexual overtones, which sometimes ends in intimacy.
Polyamory. The presence of a third party in the union by mutual consent of the partners. This is a group marriage or the so-called “Swedish family”.
Swing. This is one-time or regular sex between heterosexual couples, implying the exchange of partners.

Couples who prefer not to push themselves into the framework of “normality” choose open relationships:

Childless couples.
Couples with high sexual activity.
Couples who prefer variety in partners.

Not everyone is capable of such relationships. A free union is suitable for psychologically stable people who can forgive infidelity.

How to recognize hopeless relationships

A person who clearly understands what a “serious relationship” means will seek this understanding from his potential partner, but the goals of young people may not coincide initially. An attentive girl will easily understand whether a guy is ready to connect his future with her or perceives her as a temporary girlfriend. Here are the signs by which it is easiest to recognize a ladies' man:

after 3-5 dates, the girl was unable to find out anything about her boyfriend other than general information;
It is considered normal for a partner to disappear without a trace for several days, and then reappear with a carefree appearance;
the man mocks the serious relationships that other couples have, and also openly denies the institution of marriage;
all dates of a young couple follow the same scenario, in which the man does not strive to prove himself, but rather waits for the first step from his girlfriend;
the guy, even after several months of close relationships, still does not introduce his chosen one to friends and relatives;
a man never asks his girlfriend leading questions about her life and always gets off with general phrases of false interest (“How are you?”, “Well, what do you have there?”).

And finally, a guy for whom the entire description of a serious relationship fits into the concept of “keeping someone close” will under no circumstances ask his chosen one for help or participation, and will not allow a situation in which she could do this.

Disadvantages of a physical spark

They occur in a large number of couples. And there are three things to note here:

they occur when too much emphasis is placed on physical compatibility;
the disadvantages depend on your own expectations from the relationship, no matter from what perspective you view it;
You need to take into account that every person needs space for personal growth and development.

It follows from this that if there is no physical compatibility between partners, this does not mean that it cannot exist at all. According to experts, under certain conditions it can appear.

The path to happiness or the path to nowhere

When describing their problem of an unfulfilled or collapsed relationship to a psychologist, many people (mostly women) emphasize that they were deceived, betrayed, or even used under the guise of serious intentions. Finding themselves alone and beginning to analyze their recent happy past, these people come to the conclusion that they did everything possible, “put their whole soul” into making a strong union take place. In other words, they were confident that by their actions they deserved guarantees of a successful outcome.

However, life does not give any guarantees, and the person who caused the breakup is not at all to blame for the fact that the partner initially perceived him as a party to an unspoken agreement, and not a person with free will. He could have really serious intentions, but circumstances developed in such a way that a relationship became impossible. Such an everyday situation, if not analyzed from the point of view of useful experience, can give rise to a feeling of fear of the relationship in the deceived partner.

Fear, as many famous psychologists say, is the antonym of love. Without giving oneself the opportunity to hear a former lover and understand the motives for his departure, a person deliberately deprives himself of the opportunity to move on. Therefore, if such a situation does occur, you should not dwell on the failure and regret the time spent. You should give yourself a break to realize all the benefits received in connection with the death of an unnecessary person and continue to move forward.

Every person comes into a relationship with baggage from the past.

Conscious couples understand that we all have old wounds that will come back to haunt us one way or another, especially in relationships. In other words, people expect to be abandoned, deceived, rejected, and underestimated. These and other bad feelings come when you get close to another person.

Most of us still believe that people in relationships should only feel good about themselves, and when negative feelings arise, it seems that everything has gone wrong. Only often in this situation we do not see that all these negative sensations arise due to our negative experience. Such feelings have nothing to do with our partner, they have nothing to do with our own prejudices.

Conscious partners are ready to sort out the problems of past and present relationships, because they understand that due to such prejudices, relationships can follow the disastrous path of previous ones. Problematic behavior patterns can be destroyed, but only if you take full responsibility yourself.