Jealousy. The view of a psychologist and the opinion of a psychiatrist. How to get rid of feelings of jealousy

Psychologists about jealousy

From the point of view of a psychologist, jealousy is one of the phenomena of the human psyche, which in many situations is a normal reaction to the emerging conditions of a lack of attention from a significant person. That is, it is assumed that in any normal healthy person this feeling is possible. Jealousy is a negatively colored experience and therefore causes suffering. Like any negative emotion (envy, humiliation, guilt, desire for revenge, etc.), jealousy has a “useful meaning”, allowing our psyche to better adapt to external stress factors. According to psychologists, the so-called unconscious jealousy is especially insidious and “toxic”. Unconscious jealousy is manifested by aggressive or codependent behavior with loved ones, self-aggression. At the same time, the person himself does not understand that he is jealous and is trying in this way to regain attention, recognition or love.

Risk group for the development of pathology

Doctors were able to establish that more often people experience delusions of jealousy who:

abuse alcohol;
take psychoactive substances;
suffer from hallucinosis, paranoid personality disorder;
have been abused in the past;
experience difficulties interacting with members of the opposite sex;
have pronounced sadistic tendencies.

Psychiatrists about jealousy

From the point of view of a psychiatrist, jealousy, in addition to being a negative emotion and a complex feeling, is also a symptom. Symptom - because jealousy causes suffering and can cause mental pain. And because for many mental illnesses it is a specific indicator.

What diseases can jealousy be a symptom of (“pathological jealousy”):

Paranoia.
Psychoorganic syndrome (encephalopathy).
Dementia (dementia).
Mild mental retardation.
Personality disorders (psychopathy).
Alcoholism.
Epilepsy.
Depression.

Based on modern knowledge about the physiology of the brain, jealousy can be classified as a type of anxiety (fear, phobia). Just like with any anxious state, with jealousy there is overexcitation of certain structures in the brain. Only in cases of jealousy (unlike most phobias) does the focus of overexcitation exist for a long time, contributing to an imbalance in the processes of inhibition and excitation throughout the brain and changes in chemical processes in neurons.

Causes of the disease

Psychiatry today is not able to indicate the exact causes of delusions of jealousy. Psychiatrists use several theories of the occurrence of “Othello syndrome,” each of which is quite viable. Many factors that can influence the development and course of the disease have not yet been fully studied by specialists.

The main reasons for the development of the disorder in men include:

delusional disorders, schizophrenia;
alcohol addiction;
sexual problems;
long-term depression, dysthymia;
cerebrovascular diseases;
hormonal disorders;
reduced self-esteem.

The main reasons for the development of delusions of jealousy in women include hormonal disorders in the body and chronic alcoholism. Since this condition is often accompanied by depression, the likelihood of suicide is high.

Delirium is a common symptom of a considerable number of mental disorders, but it cannot be considered the initial stage of the disease: for example, in the case of schizophrenia, it develops much later.

How to get rid of feelings of jealousy

If jealousy arises as a reaction to real external events (the departure of a loved one for another, unrequited love, lack of attention), then there is no need to specifically get rid of it. In such cases this is normal. Psychologists recommend waiting it out (“press pause”), switching gears (going on vacation or working with your head), working with your anxiety and your, usually in such cases, low self-esteem. Psychologists have a lot of exercises and activities in their arsenal for this type of help: special trainings, psychotherapy using the symboldrama method or emotional-imaginative therapy.

In cases where a feeling of jealousy covers the entire consciousness, subordinates behavior, changes perception, then the help of a psychotherapist or psychiatrist will be required. In mild cases, pathological jealousy manifests itself in the form of obsessive thoughts; a person may remain critical of his condition and understand that he cannot cope with it on his own. In severe cases, the preoccupation turns into delirium (erroneous conclusions that cannot be dissuaded), critical understanding is lost, and here help is only possible in cases where relatives notice this and can arrange an examination by a psychiatrist. Only treatment can get rid of such feelings of jealousy.

What symptoms accompanying feelings of jealousy should be noted as dangerous and requiring the help of a doctor:

Checking someone else's phone, mail, social networks and other personal correspondence. Checking personal belongings. Regularly and for no reason.
A strong belief that “he (she) is definitely cheating on me” without evidence of cheating.
Sleep disturbances in the form of late falling asleep and (or) early awakenings.
Decreased appetite, weight loss.
Aggression.
The feeling that others are “discussing, judging or hating me.”
Guilt.

How to tame a pathological jealous person? Psychologist's advice

Poison that corrupts the soul and destroys the body - this is how jealousy was described in Ancient Greece. And it’s hard to disagree with these words. Suspicion, reproaches, resentment - all this destroys even the strongest, it would seem, feelings and sometimes cripples people's destinies.

Everything aroused suspicions of treason among the young man Yulia, even a call from a friend. He would track her on the street and put her mobile phone under his pillow at night. It was worth being 15 minutes late and asking “Where have you been?” increasingly ended in beatings.

Yulia Saltykova, victim: “Once he found tickets from an entertainment center on me. After that, a forensic examination showed that I had 36 bruises and three broken ribs on my body.”

When Yulia decided to leave, the threats began.

Yulia Saltykova, victim: “I even went home with security at one time. He said, either I’ll kill you, or I’ll make you a freak for life, to the point where I can throw acid in your face.”

Tatyana now hides her eyes behind dark glasses - she no longer sees. Doctors say the acid scars will last forever. She can’t work, now the girl is a disabled person of the first group.

Tatyana Polskaya, victim: “There was a guy standing near the porch. I got up, saw him and began to approach the intercom. I felt that it began to splash in my face. Then he ran to the side, and I started screaming and washing myself with snow.”

And although there is no evidence, the attacker was not found, Tatyana is sure that his former lover hired him. Pathological jealousy could have pushed him to commit a crime. He was twice his age.

Tatyana Polskaya, victim: “He was even jealous of his girlfriends, didn’t allow them to go somewhere without him, checked their phones. And we had a case, he raised his hand to me when we were relaxing at the recreation center with him, and he became jealous.”

Natalya Litvinovskaya is not satisfied with scenes of jealousy; she herself arranges them for her boyfriend. She says she didn’t notice how she started trying to control his every step.

Natalya Litvinovskaya: “I start to be jealous when he looks at other girls, I start to be jealous when someone calls him, and I think it’s normal to ask who called. This immediately raises suspicions.”

I went to a psychologist when I realized that the more one drowns in the abyss of suspicion, the colder the relationship becomes.

Natalya Litvinovskaya: “Sometimes it gives him pleasure, it pleases his pride and increases his self-esteem. Sometimes, when this takes catastrophic forms for me and reaches the point of a scandal, he begins to take offense.”

The course on getting rid of jealousy begins with the psychologist explaining that jealousy is normal. Within reasonable limits, it stimulates partners and forces them to improve themselves. And most importantly, if you value relationships, you should talk openly about jealousy.

Marina Nakhalova, psychologist: “If you ask a person directly when you felt jealous, he will tell you exactly. And you can already adjust your behavior based on this, if you love and don’t want to cause harm.”

But being jealous does not always mean loving. It could simply be a sense of ownership. People who are suspicious and insecure are more jealous. Previous experience also has a strong influence.

Marina Nakhalova, psychologist: “If you are faced with the fact of betrayal, it is very difficult to trust your partner, to believe that this will not happen again. Or men can often become jealous when they realize that they themselves are not pure, and expect the same from their partner. It’s the same with women.”

If jealousy takes painful forms, the person himself may not be able to cope, and an urgent need to contact a specialist. Threats, and especially assault, should not be tolerated under any circumstances.

For those who create scenes of jealousy, it is important to remember that you can retain trust and freedom, and eternal suspicions and control will sooner or later lead to what you fear most - an exhausted partner will simply leave.

Guest in the studio - Candidate of Medical Sciences, psychotherapist Irina Panyukova

Presenter: Often the cause of a break between close people is jealousy. However, there is another opinion: he is jealous, which means he loves. Is it good or bad if your partner behaves like Othello? Candidate of Medical Sciences, psychotherapist Irina Panyukova will help you figure this out.

Tell me, is it possible to immediately, even before all these scandals start, understand that your partner is a jealous person?

Guest: There are a number of signs that allow one to suspect a pathological jealous person. Firstly, if from the very beginning of the relationship your partner shows too close an interest in your biography, shows interest in the intimate details of your relationships with other partners, and constantly asks you to compare how they win or lose compared to him. If he arranges constant checks in the present, he meets you in unexpected places.

Presenter: In such a situation, what is better - to break up with the person right away, or can you still try to build a relationship?

Guest: When jealousy is situational, that is, when there is a real reason for it, then relationships need to be built. That is, you need to find out the reasons for jealousy, see how justified it is, and not give reasons for jealousy. And in cases where jealousy is pathological, then the partners of pathological jealous people, of course, have a very difficult time in life. Because a pathological jealous person is jealous without any reason.

Presenter: To any lamp post.

Guest: And even without a lamppost, but to objects that exist only in his imagination.

Presenter: Do I understand correctly that a jealous person is, as a rule, an insecure person or an owner?

Guest: Indeed, the word jealousy is, it is very capacious and can hide a variety of feelings: fear, envy, greed, and self-doubt.

But in the same way, manifestations of jealousy can be observed in the structure of a wide variety of mental disorders. And in the structure of schizophrenia, and in the structure of pathological changes in personality, and in some senile diseases. Delusions of jealousy are also quite common in people who abuse alcohol and certain psychoactive substances.

Presenter: Women often develop jealousy with age. They are afraid of losing their partner, they understand that they are no longer so young, not so beautiful. In this situation, how can you help yourself?

Guest: Men also have a manifestation of jealousy that appears over the years and is associated with a decrease in sexual abilities, that is, when they suspect their wives of having young lovers. And I think that in cases where jealousy is not connected with anything, you need to set yourself up in some positive way in advance and strengthen your relationship with your other half.

Presenter: What should you do if you suddenly accidentally stumble upon what you think is evidence of treason? After all, if you don’t talk to your partner, then it can develop into some incredible fantasies and just sharpen from the inside. If we speak, then all this could result in some kind of scandal. What to do in such a situation?

Guest: I think that if you don’t know what to do, it’s better to do nothing for a while. It’s better to take a break, calm down, consult with someone close to you whom you trust, preferably one person, and not cover this story widely.

And it is very important to calm down in order to decide whether you need this conversation, and whether your partner needs this conversation. And before having such a conversation, it is important to answer one simple question: how will what I want to say improve our relationship?

Often jealous people look for confirmation of their partners’ infidelity, but they themselves are very afraid to find it in reality. And in reality, they are not looking for confirmation of infidelity, but evidence of their partner’s fidelity.

If you want to maintain a relationship with a jealous person, try to give him as little reason for suspicion as possible. There is no need to talk about your old romances, ask friends of the opposite sex to call you less often, try to give up provocative things in your wardrobe.

However, all these measures may turn out to be completely useless if you are facing a pathological jealous person. Such people will suspect their significant other, even without the slightest reason for this. And remember, often times a partner is harassed with unfair reproaches either by people who are unsure of themselves, or by those who, as they say, have their noses in their mouths.

The cause of incredible jealousy can be excessive alcohol consumption, and even mental disorders. So, if you notice that the search for a rival is becoming an obsession for your partner, contact a specialist.

If you yourself are constantly jealous of a loved one, make your life more varied. Chat with friends, come up with a hobby, go travel.

And one more piece of advice: if you are tired of unreasonable jealousy, and all attempts to change your partner have been unsuccessful, think about whether it is worth continuing such a relationship. Sometimes in such a situation it is easier to break up.

What methods do doctors use to treat morbid jealousy?

Pathological jealousy is difficult to treat. Therapy is preceded by the doctor’s determination of the psychological, social and biological characteristics of each specific patient. The greatest successes in therapy can be achieved with the help of psychopharmacotherapy: specific neuroleptics, mood stabilizers, neurometabolic therapy, sedatives. Psychotherapy and physiotherapy are used in combination with medications. Isolation from the familiar environment (for example, hospitalization in a hospital) can have a positive effect on the prevalence of ideas of jealousy.

If you or your loved one exhibits the symptoms described above, please contact us. We provide psychological assistance and, if necessary, treatment of pathological jealousy.

Treatment of delusions of jealousy in our clinic

Treatment of delusions of jealousy should be carried out in a psychoneurological hospital and under the supervision of experienced psychiatrists and psychotherapists. This is due to the fact that the patient is not able to adequately perceive many things. In addition, exacerbation of delusional disorder can pose a threat to the patient or those around him. This requires constant monitoring of the patient.

Treatment of delusions of jealousy in a hospital has another undeniable advantage - it allows for a full diagnosis of the body, identifying all mental and physiological deviations from the norm. Also, during treatment in a hospital, you can choose and apply the most effective therapy, while protecting the patient from factors that provoke an exacerbation of the condition.

Treatment of delusions of jealousy in men and women is carried out in the following areas:

treatment of the underlying mental disorder;
prescription of psychopharmacological drugs;
conducting cognitive behavioral and family psychotherapy.

The earlier the disorder is identified, the more effective and efficient the therapy will be.

What is a man's jealousy

In men, jealousy is born from the desire to possess only a woman. By its psychological nature, the definition of jealousy is close to envy. Jealousy is associated with possessiveness and selfishness.

Insecure and inhibited men are more susceptible to jealousy. They are afraid of losing a woman, so they try to establish total control over her meetings, communication, and correspondence. Confident men who respect their women are not prone to caution and suspicion: their relationships are based on mutual trust. If such men begin to suspect that their partner is unfaithful, they decide to have an open conversation or end the relationship, rather than reproaching, beating, or restricting personal freedom.

Children

There may be children left over from a previous marriage. Men's jealousy can manifest itself towards babies, but they did not choose mom and dad.

Appears in the following form:

high-profile scandals;
reluctance to establish contact;
persuasion to give the child to the ex-spouse.

More often, preference is given to the child rather than to the boyfriend. After all, it was he who came from outside. Children often perceive their mother's new husband negatively. The younger ones will unite with the older ones, speaking out against the mother’s chosen one.

Therefore, if you want to maintain the relationship, you need to establish contact with the children of your chosen one. If you can’t fall in love with other people’s kids, then first just make friends with them. Warm feelings will appear over time.

It is not necessary to replace a father for a child if he does not need it. You can be an older friend and mentor for him, who will help with advice in difficult times.

Kinds

Jealousy characteristic of men can be divided into four main types.

Competition, stereotypes. This condition is caused by the presence of a rival when building a relationship with a girl.
Projected, mirrored, inverted. A person has a desire to “go to the side.” He transfers the peculiarities of his thinking to another person - the girl he loves. In his opinion, other strategies of desire are unacceptable.
Innate, trauma-induced jealousy.
Delusional, paranoid jealousy. This condition refers to a type of mental disorder that most often develops against the background of alcoholism.

Unfounded

This type of jealousy is not a real threat, but it is unpleasant. It affects men who have unresolved intrapersonal conflict rooted in childhood. This emotion is especially common in people born into large families where they had to fight for attention. With good deeds, illnesses, good behavior, grades, etc. Such “unloved” children, in their opinion, pass this pattern of behavior on to their partner in the future. Unreasonable male jealousy brings discomfort to both him and his girlfriend, because it is not based on anything.

Reasonable

There is a basis or logical explanation for such jealousy. If a woman spends the night with her girlfriends, often goes to clubs without her lover, drinks alcohol, openly flirts with other men, her partner’s jealousy is guaranteed, and that’s normal!

Or, for example, a woman remains on good terms with her ex-boyfriend. And there seems to be nothing wrong with that. But then why is a man still jealous of the past, because then he didn’t even know it? There is an explanation for this:

he understands that you were close to this person in every way, and it hurts;
constantly comparing yourself to your ex-boyfriend, which keeps you on edge;
any gestures you make towards your ex will be perceived as a potential risk of losing you.

If you think this is an innocent friendship, face the truth and mentally switch places. Male jealousy is most justified here - he will not tolerate any “tribute from the past” on his territory. And don’t even try to make friends with your men - they don’t need it!

Pathological

This is the most dangerous jealousy of a person. He doesn’t need a reason or fantasy - he is sure that his woman is cheating on him. The partner’s behavior does not play any role here - all equally chosen ones will harass her. Jealousy is dangerous because, in addition to moral humiliation and horror, a woman faces the fate of physical retribution. You should be especially wary of a person intoxicated - freely chosen words will provoke outbursts of aggression and anger, which can have the most dire consequences.

How to recognize a pathological jealous person:

Bans on everything: leaving the house, making phone calls, beautiful clothes, working in a male team, female colleagues, going to the pharmacy where the pharmacist is a man;
Sudden outbursts of rage and threats of physical violence against the chosen one and her (alleged) lover;
Real surveillance of his woman (we are not just talking about phone calls, pages on social networks and wiretapping, but about real persecution).

Of course, we are talking about a mentally ill person. Your arguments and logical explanations will be accompanied by even more resistance and bitterness. After all, the idea that his wife is unfaithful to him and that everyone around him knows about it and laughs at him is, of course, alive in his mind. Sooner or later, his stressful state will turn into something big and terrible, from which it is better to escape in advance.

exaggerated

It is more difficult to live with such a jealous person, because he does not show his jealousy in public. With a smile on his face, he communicates with his wife in company, but at home he turns into a real brawler and despot. If, going out into the street, he kissed his brother on the cheek - your man mentally put you to bed, get ready for such a hot interrogation!

Treatment of this disease

Usually they resort to the help of psychotherapists and psychiatrists. Jealousy can be dealt with easily by simply isolating the cause of its manifestation. This will not work with pathology. In addition to eliminating the source of pathology, it will be necessary to normalize the person’s mental state, which was disturbed during this period of time.

Diagnostics

Analysis of the patient’s behavior during the period of pathology;
Personal conversation with a psychotherapist;
Collecting information through surveys, drawing up questionnaires and passing tests;
Interview with close relatives and friends.

Based on a set of data, the specialist makes his verdict on the diagnosis and condition of the person.

The husband is jealous for no reason. What to do

To figure out how to cope with a husband’s jealousy and mistrust, it is not always enough to visit a psychotherapist, since, in addition to the fact that the spouse will have to be persuaded, one-time consultations do not bring significant changes to the jealous person’s temperament. In addition, this is an expensive pleasure, and as a result, after a dozen methods, you will spend 20,000 rubles, your husband will be jealous, the advice of psychologists will be ignored and not applied in everyday life. If you want to get rid of the disease, you will have to conduct psychoanalysis yourself (preferably without the supervision of your spouse).

A sequence of actions to help you begin to eradicate the problem:

Determine the reason why the husband is jealous for no reason (see Why are men jealous of women?) (Not having information about the origins that cause such outbursts means not understanding the truth of the behavior of the chosen one. Ask him or his relatives about life in his childhood, first love, studying at school, interacting with others, friends, classmates, relatives. Note the relationship with your father and mother - this is the first and important aspect, on its basis a picture will begin to form that emerges in the husband’s subconscious before “igniting a zealous flame ");
Coping with the cause of jealousy (Here you need to open your husband’s eyes to reality, make him believe that his furious fear of being deceived and abandoned arises because of the plot from early childhood that you managed to find out about. Example: parents divorced, his son was not yet born and 5 years old, because of this, his mother always poured out all her anger on him because he looked like his father, he stopped feeling parental warmth and went out into the street with friends or in search of a girl who would fill the void in his life. his heart);
Determine why your husband doesn’t trust the ladies (Here you need to rely on his past with other girls. If at least one of the exes left for another, cheated, or after breaking up “bitten” harshly on a sore spot, distrust of women will persist for a long time);
Overcome the reasons for mistrust (the emphasis is on mutual dialogue, where the male side must understand that not all women are capable of meanness);
Prove your affection for your lover (Remember the last time you did something nice to your spouse, which caused an intensely positive emotional outburst, then repeat or come up with something new (maybe with a hint of purity of intentions and the absence of third-party connections));
Do not provoke new jealous outbursts (You will have to start with the fact that you succumb to complete male control, the final stage will be its absence along with improving the woman’s integrity).

Now, in more detail about each aspect from the step-by-step algorithm of the wife’s actions.

Peculiarities

Male jealousy is associated with a sense of ownership. You don’t want to share your loved one with anyone. It appears in all men, but in different forms.

It may begin without any special symptoms. A man monitors the behavior of his other half more closely, analyzing it. Then he suspects the girl of liking her best friend. At this stage, different developments are possible. The owner dispels suspicions and lives calmly, without torturing himself and the girl.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Another option is pathology, which is expressed in constant distrust of one’s partner. It is often accompanied by moral and physical violence. Such relationships need to be ended, since the man is not able to control feelings and actions. A young man can greatly harm the health of his beloved.

Signs

The onset of male jealousy occurs suddenly.

More than 9,000 people have gotten rid of their psychological problems using this technique.

It begins with detailed questions about work, colleagues, and friends. If a girl went to lunch surrounded by male colleagues, then you can see from her partner’s face that he really doesn’t like it. After conversations with passion, it is possible to present claims about the girl’s frivolity, insulting imaginary competitors.

After this, the feeling is expressed through checking social networks, messages and constant meetings after work. These actions are accompanied by systematic accusations. Bans on makeup, revealing clothing, and walking with friends are gradually being introduced. All the girl’s actions begin to be controlled.

Many men are ashamed of displays of jealousy and try to hide it, appearing completely indifferent to their partner’s life.

The feeling can be recognized by the behavior of a man when he is jealous:

increased interest in work, friends;
searching for information about cheating on forums;
conversations about the truth of feelings and fidelity;
nervousness, sullenness and short temper.

Based on these signs, the girl should understand that the guy began to suspect her.

Interesting fact
Jealousy is more common in couples under 30 years of age. After this age, the feeling experienced begins to decrease.

To maintain the relationship, she should not provoke the young man with improper behavior. The best way to resolve a conflict is to talk openly, dispelling doubts about cheating.