Psychology of love: types, stages, stages and concept

The psychology of love is the realm of the unknown, a favorite topic of thousands of poets, novelists and even scientists. No scientific community can fully explain the actions of a person in love. A lover is a mystery and at the same time a challenge for science. After all, love exists autonomously, lives on its own, does not obey the laws of logic and reason. It can have both a destructive effect on people, incinerating everything inside, and a creative one, “raising it to heaven.” Most people consider people in love to be slightly crazy, and hence love itself is viewed as a kind of mental illness. However, according to a number of scientists, love is a means of socialization of an individual, a mechanism for his involvement in the system of social relationships.

Concept and functions

The concept of “love” has many interpretations. This is a chemical reaction, a habit, a spiritual impulse, affection, a desire for protection, care.

Psychologists cannot identify a single interpretation for this concept, since each person perceives it differently.

Love can be called an interested, attentive, caring attitude towards someone.

This feeling combines many positive mental and emotional states, which begin from ordinary pleasure and reach sublime virtue.

Main functions:

Caring is shown towards the object of affection.
Respect - without it, relationships will turn into ordinary exploitation of the object of interest.
Knowledge - a loving person constantly learns this feeling, develops it, not allowing it to fade away.
Responsibility - a person on a subconscious level protects the object of his adoration from all troubles.

All functions are interconnected. If any of them is not fulfilled, love cannot be called complete.

Why are relationships needed?

The desire to find your soul mate is primarily driven by the desire to procreate. I want to start a family, give birth and raise children.

Besides this, there are other reasons:

It’s easier to live together and experience life’s difficulties;
It’s more joyful to experience pleasant moments together;
In difficult times you can rely on someone;
There is someone to care about and someone to turn to for advice;
To have someone to meet old age with.

The reasons are different for everyone, but, in any case, it is much more difficult to live alone than with a loved one.

Stages of development

There are several stages in psychology:

Falling in love is the initial stage. This is the stage of romance, enchantment. At this stage, the first idea of the partner is formed and idealized. Positive qualities are exaggerated, negative ones are denied. When you fall in love, it seems that your partner is your soul mate, with whom you can go through all life’s obstacles. The sensations are caused by the action of hormones.
Habituation or saturation. This stage comes after several months of living together. Hormones no longer have an enhanced effect on the psyche, uncontrollable cravings cool down. Partners begin to devote more time to their personal interests. At this stage, the first quarrels and resentments appear, but this is a normal phenomenon. To move forward, lovers must learn to make concessions, forgive, and not pay attention to quarrels.
Disgust. A difficult stage at which many couples break up. Ideals crumble, a desire appears to change something or replace a partner. All this leads to focusing on the shortcomings of a loved one. If you do not learn to seek compromises in quarrels, the relationship will be destroyed.
Humility. If the couple has gone through the stage of disgust, the lovers begin to understand each other better. They notice something new, begin to develop relationships together, set goals for themselves, and achieve them through joint efforts.
Studying. At this stage, lovers define their roles and clarify the nuances of life together. For example, when you need to be alone, go to relatives, etc.
Proximity. Psychologists believe that you need to get married at this stage. The lovers begin to trust each other.
Doubts. After several years of living together, some suspicions arise. Spouses begin to compare their lives with the dreams that they had before, and think about how their life could have turned out without marriage - for the better or for the worse.
Sexuality. To strengthen relationships, spouses begin to look for variety in sex.

The last stage is love. This is a feeling that is taken to the absolute. The spouses know how to have fun together and completely trust each other.

How understanding is born in dialogue: he and she

When starting a dialogue, a girl often encounters male misunderstanding. Men are pragmatic; they prefer to express their love and affection not with words, but with gestures and actions in everyday life.

You need to understand that society teaches representatives of the stronger sex to hide their feelings and not talk about them. Everyone wants to see a man strong, in control of his emotions in any circumstances. This leaves an imprint on the man’s personality, his manner of conversation and communication. He was so used to hiding his own feelings that he forgot about their existence in the woman he loved.

A man cannot trust and open up, because he considers it his duty to hide his feelings. A woman is given a great opportunity to show intuition and the ability to compromise. She must understand this property of male nature, brought up by society.

It is a woman who can and should take the first step towards creating a serious relationship - learning to communicate in confidence together.

From now on, you must set yourself a goal: to fully and completely understand your partner, especially to understand his differences from you.

This is the key to a serious relationship, the foundation for creating a family. You need to be aware that what is done for her is done for the other half, for the general happiness of the couple.

Classification

Psychologists distinguish several types of love:

Mania is a manifestation of feelings as addiction. This form appears at the initial stage of relationship development. The danger arises when mania begins to drag on and intensify. A sense of control over the partner begins to prevail in the relationship, which negatively affects the lovers. Such relationships resemble the connection between a maniac and a victim.
Consumer love is ludus. There is no real intimacy. One of the partners wants to receive something from the other - intimacy, expensive gifts, emotions. When the goal is achieved, interest disappears and relationships are destroyed.
Passionate love is eros. This type is similar to mania, but does not have negative preconditions. Lovers focus their attention on intimacy and want to get maximum pleasure from each other. Partners constantly want to be close to each other and can spend whole days in bed. Over the years, passion fades and shortcomings emerge. Most couples who grew up on the basis of eros are destroyed.
Love that is created on a sense of duty - storge. Such feelings are not built on animal passion or romance. People come to such relationships after years of living together. At the same time, the partners have grown together so much that they cannot imagine life without each other. For them, family comes first; they do not know how to betray.
Selfless love is agape. This type of feeling is clearly visible between mother and child. For a couple in love, this can be a bad and even destructive manifestation of love feelings. If one of the partners feels selfless, he can forgive everything, forgetting about himself. Slowly this will lead to the destruction of the relationship.
Rational love is pragma. Formed between people who are looking for comfort. They do not need financial gain, any achievements, they do not pursue sporting interests. Such partners are looking for a reliable ally in each other, a friend with whom they can go through life without fear.
Friendly love is philia. There is no physical attraction in such relationships. Harmony of the soul, division of interests, equality of thoughts reigns. Partners like to spend time with each other, communicate, watch movies, listen to music. Anyone can destroy such a connection.

Each type of love relationship is characteristic of different ages and has characteristic differences. In order for the relationship to be strong and not to be destroyed at the first difficulties, it is necessary to simultaneously and proportionately develop flirtation, friendship, passion, and responsibility.

Ideal relationship

Lucky are those who have experienced such love. The psychology of love and relationships is worthy of research for greater understanding and prevention of mistakes. Until the climax, you are able to have friendly relations with many people and switch to one or the other.

But you can only love one; you can’t love two, because it’s some kind of obsession. Focusing on one person is the basic requirement of a romantic relationship.

Every little thing associated with the person of adoration is elevated to a rank, be it a letter, a comb with a tangled hair, a walk in the park and suddenly blossoming buds, cooking dinner together, everything is of great importance in his imagination. Flaws in a loved one also seem unique and cute, they are not noticeable to a sane mind.

It feels like there are pink curtains on your eyes—“rose-colored glasses.” They say that love is blind. So it is, consciousness refuses to perceive the shortcomings and vices of the object of passion, they do not bother it.

Characteristic signs

Symptoms:

Lovers do not notice those around them.
Partners cannot answer the question - “why do you love him (her)?”
There are no doubts about the choice.
There are frequent manifestations of jealousy.
Every day the partners become better, they try to look more beautiful for each other.
The ability to forgive and seek compromises arises.
Relationships do not stand still, they are actively developing.
Achieving the set goals is carried out through joint efforts.
Lovers know how to enjoy silence with each other.

It is believed that you can fall in love only once in your life, but this is a wrong opinion. By nature, people are polygamous. After the end of one relationship, you can move away from the pain and continue searching for a partner.

Advice for women

Finally, some practical advice from psychologists:

In order for a man to feel important and needed, it is necessary to allow him to feel responsible for his beloved. Ask him for all kinds of help: moral, material, friendly.
At first, with the appropriate behavior of a woman, fear of losing her, and then respect, fulfill their important function: a man strives for his partner, and he does not have time to look around, searching for “new prey.” In marriage, it is important to learn to maintain this delicate balance between partners.
Men's actions mean more than words. Therefore, women should build a relationship strategy based on facts, not what is said.
A man needs warmth and affection no less than a woman. You just need to observe moderation in giving pleasant emotions.
To understand the truth of a man’s feelings, you should pay attention to his manner of sorting things out. If he is afraid to break them, this means that he values his woman. Meeting his friends and parents, on the initiative of a man, will confirm this.
You should not compete with a man, since due to his natural instincts, he has a desire for leadership. And the intention to surpass it will give rise to a spirit of competition.

How to save fading feelings?

To prevent feelings from fading away, you need to:

Learn to distinguish between sex and love. These are different concepts.
Constantly ask your significant other what he (she) thinks about the relationship. You need to be sincere to achieve true love.
Set goals and achieve them through joint efforts.
Respect your partner in his choice and opinion. You cannot humiliate or ridicule your loved one.
Say right away what you don’t like about your partner or his actions. If you remain silent, the negative effect will accumulate.
Constantly share plans for the future.
Maintain self-esteem and self-respect.
Constantly look for new interests. It is advisable to have a joint hobby.
Diversify your sex life and make your fantasies come true.
Solve joint problems immediately after they arise.

Advice will help develop and strengthen relationships, increase interest between partners.

The main secret: the psychology of men in love

There is no need to be upset if you realize that your chosen one does not like you. You can win his heart by embodying 4 images of women at once:

Maria is an assistant, advisor and soulmate.
Eva - creates comfort and keeps the hearth, can easily replace a mother.
Sofia is a muse, a wise woman who can inspire a person to new exploits.
Elena is a good lover, capable of enchanting a man with her sex appeal.

By combining in yourself a reliable friend, a good housewife, a kind mother and an erotic lover, you can win the favor of any man in a short time. Not a single representative of the strong half of humanity can resist such a woman who can become everything to him. Try it and you will definitely succeed!

IMPORTANT! Informational article! Before use, you should consult a specialist.

How is love different from passion and infatuation?

Differences between love and passion:

Passion is built on fundamental egoism, which gradually seeps into conversations and influences actions.
In passionate relationships, partners put achieving their personal desires first.
Passion doesn't last long. When people get what they need, they become cold towards each other and look for new goals.
Searching for compromises is not typical for passionate relationships. Any quarrel could be the last.

Differences between love and infatuation:

Partners try to get physical pleasure, not spiritual.
Lovers ignore each other's flaws.
Falling in love makes people see an illusion around them.
The foundation of falling in love is hormonal effects.
Trust is not typical for falling in love.

What do famous psychologists say about the definition of the word 'Love'?

Sternberg: The results of combining the components of love

Sternberg believed that this feeling can carry an objective load in three semantic components: attraction, passion and responsibility towards oneself and the other half.
Ideal love is one in which all these components merge together, feelings become strong and flammable!

Types of love	Intimacy	Passion	Responsibility
Sympathy	+
Passion	+
Imaginary feelings	+
Romance	+	+
Friendship	+	+
Blind feelings	+	+
Perfect love	+	+	+

What does E. Fromm say about the definition of love?

He considers love to be a momentary feeling that appears in moments of great joy; the motivation of feelings can be fear of loneliness, and in rare manifestations - sadism.

Love according to E. Fromm is similar to a commercial transaction, to love is to take and give to the fullest
, to open up, dedicate your secrets and let into your innermost world of love and experiences. Be strong, don’t let feelings go by themselves, control the process, no matter how paradoxical it may sound.

The first violent outbursts of emotions are replaced by brave and strong feelings that help keep the raft of love afloat, and not allow it to break on the rocks of enmity, hatred, constant quarrels and scandals.

A.V. Petrovsky argues differently

He describes love as external manifestations of feeling, accessible to everyone
. The way a person changes outwardly when a feeling of attachment to another appears, he renounces his previous life and begins to commit crazy actions. Love is conditioned by intimate attractions and presupposes sincerity and openness to each other.

If there is a lie, then this is not love, but the unscrupulous exploitation of someone else's trust, fraudulent actions, sometimes thoughtless. Feelings should be replaced by actions, but at the same time testify to the same thing. If I love, then it manifests itself in all relationships.