Is love necessary in marriage and is it worth saving the family if there is no love?
Is love so important in family relationships? Let’s consider different points of view.
For example, Orthodoxy does not consider unions that are not based on mutual love to be a sin . Sin, according to the church, is fornication - relationships not bound by marriage.
On the other hand, the Bible says that in a marriage, husband and wife become one flesh, and complete unity is impossible without sincere, real feelings.
If we look at the family from the point of view of modern relationships, then loveless marriages have their advantages:
- partners have no fear of losing each other. There is no mutual tension between them, there is no crisis in the relationship - everything proceeds smoothly and stably;
- There are no manifestations of jealousy between spouses who do not experience romantic feelings. According to psychologists, jealousy is a common cause of divorce;
- if, instead of love, the basis of a marriage is mutual respect and compatibility of characters, such a project has every chance of becoming long-term.
Regardless of whether there is love in the family or not, a marriage can fall apart when the spouses take it too lightly.
Reasons why people get married without feeling mutual feelings:
- uncertainty about the future;
- public attitude to the situation when age or other reasons are pressing;
- unplanned pregnancy;
- the desire to take revenge on a loved one.
Depending on the stated reason, people can feel quite comfortable in family relationships.
romantic love
When people talk about love, they most often mean affection for a person of the opposite sex. Family, children, harmonious close relationships are inseparable from the concept of a successful destiny. What should those who failed to find their soul mate do? How to live without love all your life? Good health, an impressive bank account, and a model appearance will not save you from spiritual emptiness if there is no soulmate nearby.
However, not all so simple. The relationship between a man and a woman is multifaceted. Sometimes they inspire heroic deeds, give inspiration, give inspiration. Sometimes they bring suffering and pain.
The negative aspects of romantic feelings include:
- constant fear of losing a loved one;
- fears that happiness will be fleeting;
- reduction of personal space;
- loss of independence;
- psychological trauma, depression, disappointment in case of a breakup.
Despite the listed nuances, a person dreams of love, because a prosperous physiological existence does not save him from loneliness and leads to unpleasant consequences:
At first there is sadness. Lost interest in the surrounding world. Communicates less, is not interested in current events in the lives of friends and relatives.
Then he is left alone with himself. It closes itself off, fenced off with a wall of indifference. Irritated by sympathetic looks, refuses frank conversations, and does not accept help.
Finally he becomes depressed and stops doing things. A prolonged depressed state can provoke serious psychological disorders and attempts to commit suicide.
People have not learned to control the feeling of falling in love. It is impossible to make someone fall in love by order. To fill the void, you need to look for a replacement:
- try getting a pet;
- start doing something that interests you and brings you satisfaction;
- plan a trip;
- communicate with friends more often;
- go out into nature.
The absence of a romantic relationship cannot be fully compensated for by another type of love. But you can get rid of the feeling of inferiority, the painful search for a partner, and the expectation of happiness. And then: “Love will unexpectedly appear when you least expect it”...
Reviews
The opinions of those spouses who find themselves in a similar situation differ. Some people believe that it is possible to live without love and that families should be preserved. Others say that such a marriage deprives a person of the opportunity to build another relationship - one based on real feelings.
Let's look at a few examples from life:
- Svetlana , having never met her love, at the age of 38 got together with a man. Financially independent, courteous, persistently asked for marriage. Formalized the relationship. After living in marriage for several years, the wife adjusted to her husband, reassuring herself that many people lived this way. The result is prolonged depression, a nervous breakdown, mutual reproaches, divorce;
- Elena considers arranged marriage to be the norm. She got married, gave birth to a child, and is financially independent. I went abroad with my husband for permanent residence. There is respect, trust, understanding in the family. Planning a second child;
- Alina did not feel love for her husband. He is a wonderful person, kind and considerate. He says he loves me, but there has never been passion between us. As a result, after living with him for three years, she gradually fell in love. Not in the positive qualities of a spouse, but in a man. Happy and satisfied with life. I’m glad that I saved the marriage, although thoughts of divorce often came to my mind;
- Sergei - considers the main things in marriage to be sexual attraction, interest in each other, mutual respect and willingness to compromise. He builds his relationships according to this principle. He is happy in his marriage and feels comfortable. Has one child.
What to do
Of course, each person has his own destiny. Some people start falling in love in kindergarten. They go on dates with classmates. They lose their heads with love in their youth. They find the one and create a happy family. Others suffer without the attention of the opposite sex for many years. Should I try to change the situation or meekly accept loneliness? Don't wait for sea weather. If your head is turning grey, and your personal life is not working out, start taking active action:
Stop dwelling on failures and considering life unfulfilled.
To the question “Can a person live without love for a member of the opposite sex?” answer in the affirmative. Analyze your internal state. Find love in other areas of life.
Don't give yourself peace to your loved one.
The less free time, the less sad thoughts, empty expectations, and regrets about unfulfilled hopes. Try:
- change the situation;
Go on a trip (not necessarily to a foreign resort, just to a neighboring city). New impressions, unexpected meetings, chance acquaintances will dispel the blues. There will be a chance to correct the situation. Don't expect a miracle, enjoy freedom, develop by learning new things.
- find a new hobby or remember an old hobby;
Increase your range of interests. If you don’t have enough patience and perseverance, change your occupation. Tired of visiting contemporary art exhibitions, go to a film premiere. Tired of knitting alone - learn to dance. Change your field of activity until you find something you like.
- communicate more;
Attend parties, holidays, corporate events. Make appointments with friends and girlfriends. Visit relatives. Call by phone. Take an active part in discussing interesting topics on Internet sites. Sincere sympathy for the problems of other people is salvation from loneliness and melancholy.
- work with full dedication;
Throwing yourself into work, secluded in your office, leaving no time for weekends and lunch breaks, is a wrong decision. But active participation in new projects, advanced training courses, and business trips will undoubtedly be beneficial. Set ambitious goals for yourself and pursue career growth. Love what you do. Self-development and self-education will increase self-esteem and increase confidence.
Take care of yourself.
Stop looking for the answer to the question “How to live without love all your life?” Otherwise, the temporary lull in your personal life will become permanent. Take loneliness as a gift of fate. Now is the time to work on character flaws, think about the mistakes you have made, and transform yourself externally and internally. For this:
- read smart books to become an interesting conversationalist;
- go in for sports to bring your figure to perfection;
- visit a beauty salon;
- change your clothing style, hairstyle;
- seek help from a psychologist.
Remember: every coin has two sides. Look at the one that is more attractive.
Decide on your desires.
Mentally or on paper, create an ideal portrait of your partner, not forgetting that people are imperfect. Determine the qualities that you would like to see in a loved one. Think about what weaknesses and shortcomings you could forgive and not notice. Consider the field of activity of your future chosen one, range of interests, hobbies. Imagine appearance, age, social status.
Engage in self-criticism. Analyze your own strengths and weaknesses. Be objective so as not to be disappointed or disappoint your partner.
A game like this will help make your dream come true. As a result of the work done, it becomes clear where and with whom to look for acquaintances.
Reconsider your social circle.
You can't rush from one extreme to the other. Equally harmful:
- become isolated, rejecting friendly support, and listen to tactless remarks from friends about their unfortunate fate;
- avoid new acquaintances and look for a partner using the selection method.
Life without love becomes empty and colorless. However, there is no need to rush to change the situation in any way. It is forbidden:
- abuse alcohol or drugs to forget;
- emptying the refrigerator, trying to “eat away” the stress of separation;
- lead a promiscuous sex life, changing partners;
- sit in a dark room around the clock, reveling in grief;
- try to evoke pity from friends and acquaintances.
Stay
Over the years, common interests, values and goals keep people together. Perhaps your couple has not only a past, but also a future, if you can figure it out and accept what is important to you and your partner today. Once you feel like you have something for both of you, you can become intimate in a different way.
“The best way to maintain or renew a feeling is to develop emotional intimacy. It's hard to find anything more important in a relationship. It’s worth trying to look for a different quality of sincerity, start expressing your new feelings honestly and completely, telling the truth to both yourself and your partner,” says Tatyana Gavrilyak.
Summarize
Each person is an individual, therefore he understands and feels love in his own way. In addition, over the years the feeling changes. Is it possible to compare youthful love with passionate desire in adulthood? In one's declining years, love is reborn into care, sympathy, and understanding. To maintain a close relationship, you need to work, sacrifice, give in, and forgive.
Can a person live without love? Maybe, if he doesn’t feel the disadvantage of such an existence. You can devote all your strength to work, uncontrollably indulge in pleasures, change partners and meet old age alone.
It is wiser to take a different path, working on yourself, and not lose hope for a happy meeting. Perceive the lack of love as a test that must be overcome in order to receive a reward for work and patience.
Love, like a boomerang, can return.
How to position a man?
Make your man feel like a protector. Women are weak creatures, but in their zeal they are able to shoulder all the worries of the world.
Remember, it is important for a man to be needed. In this way he is able to express his true purpose. Find reasons that will make the young man care. Give him such pleasure and he will always protect you.
Find new talents in yourself. Every woman has secret knowledge, but not everyone manages to reveal it. Develop comprehensively, find a hobby that will bring joy to your home. Create panels, learn to crochet. Beautiful, elegant things will bring comfort to your home and create a warm atmosphere. My husband will definitely appreciate this.
Share interests. Is it possible to live without love if your husband is constantly busy with work? Show interest in his activities and take an interest in his problems. Find information that tells you more.
Spend your leisure time together: go fishing, become a football fan, learn to play cards. Find common ground to get to know each other more. Believe me, at first your husband’s hobbies will be incomprehensible or hateful.
May you be warmed by the thought that you could have spent this time apart instead of together. You may enjoy a new hobby, and common interests will definitely bring you closer.
Show tenderness and affection. If a family is created without love on one side, every effort must be made to rekindle the fire of passion. Show cunning, but not deceit.
Use your imagination. Imagine that you need to give a man a helping hand so that he too takes the path of love. Show attention, participation, warm him up with the warmth of your body and soul.
