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There are situations when a colleague is terribly annoying. Anything in a person causes irritation: behavior, manners, actions, ridiculous statements. But the main problem is that such conflicts at work are difficult to resolve. Scandals or accusations are not a solution to the situation. You need to start by working on yourself. It is important to change your attitude towards the stimulus. Change your negativity to positivity. Sometimes psychoanalysis, art therapy and group classes help.
If a colleague is annoying, you will have to do some hard work on yourself
Arrogant snob
When Arrogant Snobs start singing their favorite song, “I'm better than you,” the method of calm questioning works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like “who told you that you are better than others?” or “why wouldn’t you talk to such a person?” usually they are knocked off their arrogance, since they do not know how to respond to this.
It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your Attacks. If you find that you have suffered enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, leave them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they are better than you don't deserve attention.
Form a personal circle of communication
When some colleagues are annoying and others are not, this is due to compatibility on a biological level. Several employees of a company may have the same bad habits: banging a pen on the table, slurping, laughing loudly, etc. But an employee can calmly talk with some, or drink tea together during a lunch break. And in others, the cause of irritation can be anything.
Women are more vulnerable. They find it difficult to control themselves and their own emotions in moments of irritation. In most cases, women also piss them off.
Men have a higher level of self-control. If a colleague is a good specialist, is not afraid of hard work, and delivers everything on time, then they will calmly tolerate such an employee. Men will reduce communication during the working day and any contact with such a companion to a minimum and will work calmly.
Imposing your point of view
A vegetarian and a meat-eater meet at the dinner table... Sounds like the beginning of a promising joke. However, in practice, everything is not so funny.
Sometimes these people are the cause of serious table battles, which other employees inevitably witness.
Some call their opponents “corpse eaters,” while those do not remain in debt and call vegans “herbivores.” Discussions about the benefits and harms of animal protein, about childhood vegetarianism, about the decomposition and rotting of meat in the body... The list goes on.
Sometimes the fanaticism of both sides simply goes off scale. Needless to say how annoying this is to others?
“I eat meat and will never eliminate it from my diet. Just came to have lunch with colleagues during a break. And here are the eternal debates: healthy lifestyle, veganism, meat... And for some reason, it’s usually the adherents of the “plant world” who start.
I can’t understand why they can’t sit quietly, that is, silently? Well, you eat only plant foods, cabbage will help you! Do you want meat? Chew the sausage!
Are you attracted to a raw food diet? Yes please. Do you want to be a fruitarian and eat only fruit? Forward! Even if you feed on solar prana, I don’t care.
Just don’t get into my plate and wrinkle your vegan nose with contempt! Are you offended that I’m devouring a juicy steak while you’re choking on your zucchini?”
Valery, driver
Tactlessness
A sense of tact - it either exists, or “Didn’t you get enough sleep? You look terrible!”
Tactless questions irritate, confuse and even make you blush. Such people violate the personal boundaries of others with incredible ease and seem to even experience hidden pleasure in doing so...
“I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate this. The head of the department is an adult woman, but she behaves like a boorish minor.
I understand everything: respect for her age, her superior position, but it seems to me that I will soon send her to hell in plain text.
Helen, this skirt doesn’t suit you at all
You have gained a lot of weight, donate blood for hormones
Are you going to give birth at all? How old are you now?
“It’s none of your business,” I really want to answer that way. But, probably, my problem is my inability to fend off her tactlessness and inappropriate questions.
Are we even at work or where? I'm not your girlfriend, but a subordinate. I try not to interact with her too much and avoid communication as much as possible. Well, very unpleasant madam!”
Elena, marketing specialist
Have an honest conversation with your colleague
If the irritant is bad habits, then you should tell your colleague about them. You can offer your own options for eliminating them. The main thing is not to keep feelings to yourself and learn to tolerantly voice what you don’t like.
It happens that such aspirations of colleagues irritate:
- get a promotion;
- get a salary increase;
- become the manager of a large project;
- be appointed head of department, etc.
This is a manifestation of ordinary envy. It is important to recognize that your colleague is truly a professional in his field and deserves a promotion. It is necessary to think about what the envious person lacks to achieve such a goal. You need to analyze the character traits and qualities of your ambitious colleague and try to develop them in yourself. If the person is lazy, offer the boss to pay a salary based on performance. This can motivate a colleague. And also the director will know who to monitor, and if the employee does not cope with his duties, he will be fired. This is a great opportunity to express yourself and show your high professionalism.
A colleague's desire to earn more can cause envy
Analyze your behavior
But before you express dissatisfaction with your colleague, analyze your own behavior. If conflicts in a team arise due to personal qualities, then you should discuss this with colleagues. We need to come up with a tolerant way of expressing all grievances so as not to offend anyone.
When you are alone, use the method of free association. During the process, you need to say everything you think. Don't filter your statements. Don't forget to record everything on video or recorder. Listen to the recording carefully later. This will help identify complexes and the true causes of irritation.
Perform a transfer analysis. It happens that childhood feelings and fears are transferred to a current colleague. And it’s not him who infuriates, but the image from the past. A detailed analysis of the behavior, character traits, and professional qualities of the annoying employee will help you cope with this. Learn to notice positive qualities. You should not be limited by your own skills, views, habits.
Follow up later. It consists of understanding the causes of conflicts and finding a way to change behavior patterns.
Psychologists advise simply focusing on the work process. Then the person will stop paying attention to stimuli, and productivity will be high. The result is a healthy psyche and good mood.
Fatal fighter
All the Fatal Fighter needs is tenderness, love, care. It’s simply amazing how quickly the method of love and kindness can cool his ardor and even transform him. It won't necessarily happen instantly, but eventually you will see a kinder, more flexible person in front of you.
If the Doom Fighter becomes aggressive, unleashing his fury on you, the only way out is to use the retreat method, say: “goodbye”, “ciao”, “bye” - and never come back. The method of retreat is also indispensable when it becomes simply impossible to continue a relationship with such a person.
If no methods help in communicating with the “Fatal Fighter,” you have no choice but to bow out.
The dangers of an unhealthy work environment
Staying in a toxic environment for a long time is fraught with decreased self-esteem, loss of faith in one’s own strengths, and disappointment in the profession. And if there is a constantly stressful atmosphere in the office, this can negatively affect your health. Insomnia, loss of appetite, irritability, emotional burnout, depression - the consequences are different, but they are all equally unpleasant.
An unhealthy team climate can affect other areas of your life and significantly worsen its quality.
What to do if you are in a toxic team
Distance yourself
While you are still working in this team, you need to somehow protect yourself from it. And in this case, rebuilding is a viable option. Especially for people with a heightened sense of justice, who get angry even if the situation does not concern them.
Buy noise-canceling headphones to block out discussions. Mute informal work chats. If possible, sit back. Finally, remember that you are not responsible for the behavior of your colleagues. You are not one, but simply strangers brought together by your profession for a while. This should make it easier.
Find a safe place
Find shelter in case things get really unbearable. This could be a room with a coffee machine or a corner behind a ficus tree, where you will have the opportunity to exhale and catch your breath.
Get support from like-minded people
Among your colleagues who are alien to you in spirit, there are probably several pleasant people. Communication with them will help to level out the oppressive atmosphere at least a little. It will also remind you that you are not a lonely violet in this world of cacti, and you meet good people no less often than bad ones.
Rethink the potential scale of disruption
Usually a toxic atmosphere is even more oppressive because it seems like there is no way out. You get paid for your job and you live on it, so you can't just leave. This gives you the feeling that you are stuck here forever.
In reality, it's just a job. It is only a part of your life and does not define you. Therefore, you can pay a little less attention to what is happening, and the loss of your current place most likely will not be a disaster. Of course, this is much easier to say than to truly accept. But it's worth at least trying.
Separate work from the rest of your life
Don't let the toxic atmosphere spread its tentacles outside the office and poison your personal free time. It's not easy, but it's necessary. To make it easier, you can, for example, come up with a ritual that will draw the line between the two worlds.
Get rid of emotions with art therapy
Art therapy is a direction in psychotherapy based on creativity. Includes the following types of art:
- choreography;
- modeling;
- vocals;
- playing musical instruments;
- knitting or embroidery, etc.
You need to choose the type of art that most impresses and pleases the patient. The main goal of art therapy is to learn self-knowledge through art. The method of sublimation is used - the transfer of internal conflicts to the creative product.
Draw your experiences on a piece of paper if isotherapy is used as a basis. Choose different shades of colors. You can even draw elementary shapes, strokes, lines. Draw a picture of your colleague, his habits, actions, and other things that cause severe irritation.
After this, do whatever you want with the drawing: burn it, crumple it, tear it, smear it with other paint, trample your feet, etc. It is important that subsequently all the negativity goes away and is replaced by peace and peace of mind.
You don’t have to spoil your creation, but place it in a visible place. Look at the drawing from different angles and in different moods. This will help you understand all the problematic aspects.
Art therapy helps relieve fatigue and tension, increase self-esteem, understand one’s own thoughts and fears, harmonize one’s inner world, and normalize relationships in society. The main thing is don’t be shy to draw, even if you don’t have similar skills and talents. In art therapy, the creative process itself is important.
Art therapy with musical instruments will relieve stress
Learn new behaviors
You need to forget about past experiences, feelings, negative experiences. It is important to focus on the present and relevant.
Exposure therapy is carried out only under the supervision of a psychotherapist. During treatment, the doctor shows the patient how he behaves with a colleague. It displays different behavior patterns. This technique is called “target behavior.”
The doctor shows the client “interference behavior” - how he should behave in moments of high tension, stress, or if a colleague is annoying. Most often, this is a calm person who does not pay attention to strangers and works hard.
The psychotherapist invites the patient to depict his vision of “ideal behavior” during irritation. Emphasis is placed on facial expressions, speech, character traits, and reaction to the words of a colleague.
The work is carried out based on 3 techniques:
- Hidden sensitization. The doctor shows the patient how to correctly enter a state of complete relaxation. Then he asks you to close your eyes and remember the colleague who is annoying you. And again imagine what brings peace.
- Gradual exposure therapy. The sessions are slow and calm. Additionally, calm, quiet, instrumental music can be turned on and an aroma lamp with lavender, mint, and chamomile oils can be lit. In such a situation, you need to understand the causes of irritation. You need to understand what exactly causes such a reaction in the patient and such behavior.
- Flood method. A situation is played out that should provoke aggression and hysteria in the patient. During the process, the doctor observes the patient’s reaction to stimuli. If no violations are found, the course of treatment is completed. Or another treatment technique is chosen. The “flood” method is used at the end of the treatment course.
The patient’s task is to change his attitude towards a colleague who is annoying. You need to learn to notice positive qualities. After all, irritation appears due to a person’s personal experiences.
The “flood” method is characterized by putting the patient into a state of hysteria
