I haven't liked being the new girl since school. I always spent the first days in a new class or at a children's camp gritting my teeth. A week before departure, it was possible to brush aside unpleasant thoughts: a lot of time separated me from the test and future experiences seemed distant and not so inevitable.
On the eve of day X, there was no place to put off the anxiety, and it did not leave me all day. Unpleasant thoughts were spinning in my head: what if I don’t find friends in the new class? What if I do something stupid on the first day and everyone laughs at me? My mood deteriorated, it was hard to fall asleep in the evening, I didn’t want to have breakfast in the morning, and I had trouble talking to new acquaintances. Then everything somehow fell into place, and the adults said: “See, you were worried.”
As I grew up, my fear of being the new girl stayed with me, as did my social awkwardness. It’s still hard for me to talk to someone I don’t know well, I’m embarrassed to ask questions, and when I’m nervous, I talk nonsense and sometimes make inappropriate jokes. The good news is that I've somehow learned to live with it. Moreover, sometimes the only one who notices my mistakes is myself. And although the first days at a new job are still stressful for me, it turned out that joining a new team is quite a feasible task. Even for socially awkward introverts.
So, what should you do to fit into the new team? How to feel confident if the situation is not conducive to it?
Accept temporary difficulties
You will feel out of place - you can’t live without it. Even if you have everything in order with soft skills and you are the soul of the company, it still takes time to remember the names of your colleagues and understand the processes. Personally, the first few days are the hardest for me to cope with stress. Therefore, when I start a new job, I briefly lower my expectations of myself.
I know that in the first week I will definitely not do anything remarkable - simply because most of the time I will be worried and aware of what is happening. On the very first day, I skip lunch because I'm too nervous, and then I go home on shaky legs. My adaptation always goes like this - I know about it and one day I made a strong-willed decision to just come to terms with it. There is no escape from this, this is my usual path to assimilation - and there is no other way. So I'll go this way. It will be uncomfortable, but one day the bumps will end – and somehow unnoticed by me.
Accept temporary difficulties - this way you will save energy that would otherwise be spent on worrying about how you look from the outside.
Watch
So, in the first days, I lower my demands on myself and do two things: observe my colleagues and digest information. That is, of course, I don’t eavesdrop and don’t look over my shoulder at other people’s monitors. I just look around, listen, and draw conclusions.
This way I learn a lot of important things. Is it customary to speak formally and to the point here, or can you throw in a couple of slang words and tell a story from your life? How is it customary to celebrate a birthday: bring a cake, invite everyone to a business lunch at the nearest cafe, or order pizza? Do they bring souvenirs from vacation, and if so, is it a couple of bottles of wine for everyone or a refrigerator magnet for everyone? Are there people in the company who are openly liked or disliked? For what?
Watch, and in a few days you will at least understand a little how everything works here. Knowledge of colleagues will be a bonus. You will understand who is a lover of order and who is an office rebel; distinguish talkers from silent ones, silent ones from bullies, and at the same time identify potential friends for yourself.
Work after vacation
The first day at work after vacation can be real torture. Even inveterate workaholics, by the end of a well-deserved rest, can become depressed from the need to begin their routine duties again. As psychologists assure, this condition is quite normal and passes over time. However, it is better to prepare for the end of your vacation in advance. Plan your vacation in such a way that the vacation ends 2-3 days before going to work. At this time, it is worth adjusting your sleep schedule - getting used to going to bed early and waking up early again. But you shouldn’t plunge headlong into everyday affairs, because you are still on legal vacation. It is worth noting that it is quite difficult to sustain a full work week after rest. That's why try to plan your vacation so that you can start your duties, for example, on Wednesday or Thursday. This way, you will have time to get into the working rhythm before the weekend and won’t have time to get too tired.
To make your first day at work after vacation easy and calm, follow these recommendations:
- reward yourself for a job well done (for example, a delicious dinner or a trip to the cinema);
- To make the return to the previous rhythm painless, start with the most interesting things and leave the routine for later;
- take short breaks every 30-40 minutes to avoid overexertion (at this time you can review photos from your vacation or share your impressions with colleagues);
- immediately start keeping a diary in which deadlines for the most important things will be set;
- Be sure to have snacks throughout the day (bananas and dark chocolate can stimulate brain function and ensure a good mood).
Ask and ask again
I'm constantly worried about how I look from the outside, and I'm afraid of seeming narrow-minded. When under stress, anxiety increases. Before asking any (even the most necessary) question, I doubt it, say it to myself and figure out whether it’s worth it. In the end, of course, I ask – and not just one question, but a whole bunch.
At first it’s hard for me to ask for help, but then, along with other difficulties, I accept this too. Google doesn't have anything about processes or traditions in a specific team, but I need this information to perform my tasks well. All that remains is to ask your colleagues. Once you flip this switch in your head, the embarrassment disappears.
What stands apart in this topic is the need to ask again. It can be difficult for me to admit that I didn’t understand the answer, but... this road also needs to be walked. If you are embarrassed to ask again, it is important to notice this feeling and come to an agreement with yourself. In the end, what would be better: to remain silent, not to seem stupid and not learn something important, or to ask again, even if it’s awkward for me? The second option always wins - both when I didn’t catch the name of a new colleague, and when I didn’t understand the technical details.
And then, if you ask a lot of questions, it means you care. Everyone will like your indifference.
Try to be social – at least a little
I know it doesn't sound very good. And yet, I strongly recommend that you step towards fear and invite colleagues to lunch or offer them help in something everyday. If your colleagues invite you somewhere, agree too. While you are eating or erasing notes from the board together, the conversation starts by itself - and now you have already forgotten why it was awkward in the first place. Here we make a small reservation: choose neutral topics and do not rush to tell how bad it was at your last job. It's better to discuss something safe like movies or pets.
Finding out the reasons
Before making any decisions, let's carefully analyze why you don't like the job. The reasons may be as follows:
- Not satisfied with job responsibilities.
- The team is unsuccessful.
- I don't like the manager's attitude.
- The salary is different than promised.
- Not at all what I would like to do.
Now let's look at each of them in detail.
Don't try to impress
The advice may seem illogical, but I’ll explain everything now. Every time I want to impress someone, it doesn't end well. I begin to closely monitor my every movement, word, position in space and because of this I become even more constrained. Therefore, no casual jokes or fresh ideas for you - just a robotic “Ha. Ha. Ha." and unnaturally long pauses.
In the first days, I am overcome by the desire to show how hard and how well I work. “Now I’ll write a business plan in a day” or “I’ll organize a conference in a week.” By the age of 25, I learned to answer myself just as cheerfully: “You can’t organize. Or you organize it, but it turns out to be complete nonsense.” There is no need to take on a bunch of tasks and heroically sit on them until midnight. Nobody expects this from you. In addition, raising the bar at the entrance is short-sighted. Everyone will think that you can work for five people, and will expect exactly this from you. It will end with overwork, persistent fatigue, or something else equally unpleasant.
In the very first days, do not try to be in front of your superiors and impress others with your wit and efficiency. Better set yourself another goal - not to aggravate your stress.
Manager's attitude
Don't like your new job because of your boss? At the interview he was just a sweetheart. But before the newcomer had time to really join the team, it all started. A quibble here and there. And all this is done so sarcastically.
What to do? Try to call the manager for a conversation. Ask him what he doesn't like about your job. And consult with him how this can be corrected, what result he would like to see.
An adequate boss will appreciate this. If you come across a careless leader who asserts himself at the expense of his subordinates, there is nothing you can do about it. You'll have to endure it or quit.
Do not lie
My first job taught me this. In an attempt to make small talk, a new colleague asked if I was familiar with the work of Leni Riefenstahl. I lied and answered “yes” so as not to seem stupid. Then he began to discuss her propaganda films with me, but, as you understand, nothing came of it. After that conversation, I watched both “Olympia” and “Triumph of the Will,” and at the same time I remembered: it’s better not to lie at a new job.
Do not embellish your skills, do not exaggerate your experience - they will believe you and give you tasks that you cannot cope with. You've already made an impression once you've been hired.
You shouldn't lie about your hobbies either. Don’t pretend to be a real runner if your jogging means running to the next metro station and back twice a month. There may be an experienced marathon runner nearby who will want to carry on a conversation with you. Or you will be offered to participate in the corporate team at the annual race, and you... Well, you know. Therefore, the truth and nothing but the truth.
Need forced
Don't like the job? A new job was found “on the run.” It happens? It happens quite often. For example, we had a fight at a previous job and quit under the influence of emotions. There are no savings, but we need something for something. Here you don’t have much choice, we go to the first place we come across.
It would seem a completely absurd situation. However, it usually occurs among young professionals. I don’t want to make concessions; it seems that all roads lie at my feet. Wherever I want, I’ll go and work there. You have a diploma in your pocket; with a higher education they will take you anywhere.
Alas, the reality turns out to be different. Parents drive them to work, and an employee with minimal experience is not particularly needed. We take what they give.
Or they laid off workers from the company. They paid the necessary sums of money, double the salaries. And the person is the only breadwinner in the family. And the sums, which seemed large, began to melt before our eyes. He tries to find a job in his specialty, but nothing comes of it. Something more or less suitable turned up, so I went there.
In this case, it is natural that you do not like the new job. What to do? If you practically never had to change your job, then you can take a risk. Start searching for what you like. But don't leave this job until you find something you like. It won't be easy. Sometimes the search takes six months or more. Don't give up, keep searching.
Have you found a suitable option, passed the interview and realized that it’s not for you? Write a statement of your own free will.
Give yourself time
It will be hard at first. You will absorb and comprehend new information, and you will have much less energy left for work than usual. This is fine.
It’s normal to be shy and hesitant before asking your colleagues a question. It’s okay to ask again. It’s okay to joke inappropriately. Feeling tired, even if you seem to have done nothing all day, is also normal. These are temporary difficulties that we agreed to accept at the very beginning of the text.
After a few months, the tedious awkwardness will be replaced by your usual productivity. Well, okay, not a change - it’s unlikely that you will turn into a carefree, cheerful person who loves to be the center of attention. But you will definitely feel better, and going to work will no longer put you in stress.
How to undergo adaptation: 10 tips
Make a plan.
Before starting work, make a list of actions and, if necessary, ask your boss for help. You must clearly understand what you plan to get from your new position and what you expect. This will help you get into the right mindset for work and build your plans taking into account your job responsibilities.
Write down more.
Carry a notepad with you and write down everything that might be useful: the names of colleagues, the location of important offices, lunch breaks for different departments.
Don't beat yourself up.
Don’t worry if no one talks to you, invites you for coffee, or even looks in your direction. Smile, act casual and do not impose your company.
Join the team gradually.
The process of adaptation in the workplace involves gradual acquaintance with the team. Find out about the company's traditions and don't refuse to participate in corporate events.
Don't refuse help, become a student.
Don't be afraid to learn new things, even from colleagues who are lower in position than you. Any information about the company as a whole and the team is important.
Be efficient and punctual.
Do not violate labor discipline. Frequent tardiness will cause senior management and colleagues to form a negative opinion of you. Try to constantly improve your performance, improve results and always strive for the best.
Don't be afraid to make a mistake.
Everyone makes mistakes, even professionals with extensive experience. And you just took a new position, joined a new team. During the probationary period, it is possible to make a mistake. Don't be afraid of it. You don't need constant nervous tension. Let go and allow yourself to make mistakes.
The difficult adaptation period at work lasts about a month. After this, you will confidently enter the office, find a common language with colleagues, and begin to get used to your job responsibilities.
