Author of the material:
Inna Trofimova
writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist
Hollywood screenwriters have a popular technique: the film begins at a moment when the main character finds himself in a dead end, and it seems that the light at the end of the tunnel will never appear. That's when the most important thing begins. Hopelessness gives so much energy that the hero changes, accomplishes feats and finds a new meaning in life. So we are no worse than these hyped superheroes. Let's try to understand the components of hopelessness and learn to overcome them step by step.
What is hopelessness?
Hopelessness is an affective, negatively colored feeling associated with the loss of faith and hope for a positive outcome of an event. The feeling of hopelessness is always accompanied by the following feeling: “Circumstances are stronger than me, I can’t change anything.” It comes when a person notices that it is already late. That life consists of a continuous black stripe. That the disaster has already occurred, and he is in a sinking boat.
Hopelessness occurs when something extremely valuable to a person is destroyed. If there is a war, if a house is destroyed, if you have experienced violence or a relationship falls apart - how to move on? When the present and the future are in ruins, a person loses his support and comes close to a blank wall - he is at a dead end. Because hopelessness is the absence of a way out. Or unwillingness to look for it.
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Hopelessness is closely linked with despair and powerlessness. Despair is painted with the colors of fear and loneliness. When your relationship with yourself collapses, fear arises: what should I do with my life now? Powerlessness just signals that nothing can be done. For example, we are powerless over the weather or other people's stupidity.
But the explosive mixture of hopelessness, despair and powerlessness is dangerous for other reasons.
Completion
Today we looked at how to deal with despair. I believe that every person can have a breakthrough. We ourselves can both heal and kill ourselves. If the first one is more suitable, buy yourself or brew a drink, for example, “Sbiten”, which consists of honey, healthy herbs and spices. And call it the balm of joy, happiness or health. And in the morning, pouring two spoons into hot tea, decide that you are drinking nothing more than a drink of joy, happiness or health. And behave all day according to what you are filled with. And don't forget about the sparkle. Happiness to you and all the best.
Why is hopelessness dangerous?
Paralyzes and makes a person passive.
That is, he feels that he must do something, but he cannot do anything - he cannot save his home, he cannot live in a relationship, he cannot create. He is unable to do what has always been important to him.
Takes away dignity.
In a state of hopelessness, a person feels like a victim of circumstances. And the victim has no value or dignity.
Weakens faith.
Faith and hope are a 100% vaccine against hopelessness. It’s not for nothing that they say “despair is cured by hope.” Aspiration is living with hope.
Devours life energy.
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In fact, energy enters the body not so much from food. The maximum burst of energy comes from motivation - the more interesting something is to us, the brighter our eyes burn. And vice versa - if there is no interest or sincere desire to get out of the situation, the brain goes into “sleep” mode and does not generate any ideas.
It makes it difficult to understand what to do next.
In fact, no one is immune from a hopeless situation. But some search, flounder, try, while others prefer to complain about their helplessness.
Forces you to focus on the problem.
Obsession is harmful for three reasons. Firstly, it prevents you from stepping back and looking at the situation from the outside. Secondly, it makes it difficult to listen to outside advice. Thirdly, it does not allow you to relax and rest, because the brain is constantly processing the problem.
Strengthens negative emotions.
Negative emotions are the main enemy of a person in a state of hopelessness. Panic, anger, anger not only overwhelm, but dominate, preventing you from concentrating. Although in a calm situation the way out of the deadlock is much faster.
Instills fear of the future.
Negative scenarios are scary and take a lot of energy to think about. And since there is nothing good in a dead end and there is no way out either, the fear of the future intensifies.
The problem is within, not without.
In a state of hopelessness, the main truth is forgotten: “everything that happens to us is the result of our actions or inaction.” As soon as we stop blaming someone for our failures, our internal energy increases and solutions appear on their own.
Our mind does not tolerate idleness, so it fills the emotional vacuum with any experiences or obsessive thoughts on useless topics. All this is even more disorienting and unsettling. But it is despair in moments of hopelessness that gives you the strength to change something and change yourself.
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A deep sense of loneliness and the struggle for a worthy place in the sun
Since man is a social being, he constantly needs communication. It is important for him to have friends who would listen, support and help him cope with difficulties. Otherwise, he considers himself unnecessary and “superfluous at this celebration of life.” If the feeling of loneliness is not dealt with, it eventually becomes chronic and needs to be treated. What will help you break down the “concrete wall” of alienation and enjoy life with other people? A few simple tips.
Understanding your essence
The psychology of loneliness has several facets. Some people specifically set aside time to be alone with themselves. Such moments bring them real satisfaction. In a calm environment, they think, do what they love or read books.
For them, loneliness is a lifeline from the hustle and bustle, and not a problem.
However, there are those for whom alienation brings unbearable pain and suffering. Therefore, to get rid of loneliness, you need to analyze your inner world. Identify the reasons that prevent you from being a full-fledged member of society. On a piece of paper you can describe in detail your feelings and motives. Make an honest analysis, set an achievable goal and take action.
Positive heart attitude
Everyone knows that people are not able to read other people's thoughts. Therefore, you should not attribute bad motives to others. For example, a person on social networks sees photos of friends having a wonderful time. A positive attitude will help you be happy for them rather than jealous. As a rule, loneliness does not arise due to specific situations. The main problem is the attitude towards them.
By focusing on something positive every day, you can gradually develop a positive attitude.
Avoiding unrealistic generalizations
When a person is especially lonely, sad thoughts come to his mind:
- "Nobody loves me."
- "Nobody needs me".
- "They always avoid me."
Such generalizations cause even greater feelings of loneliness. As a result, a person finds himself in a vicious circle. He makes himself an outcast. Therefore, experts advise not to rush to conclusions. The words “nobody”, “never” and “always” are devoid of common sense.
Every person has relatives, work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and true friends. This means that in reality there are no absolutely lonely people.
Desire to communicate
Experts have noticed that the antidote to loneliness is live communication. It helps get rid of sad thoughts and gives confidence in life. A conversation can be started on any topic. The main thing is to show sincere interest in the interlocutor and listen to him carefully. There is no need to get hung up on one person. It is better to expand your circle of friends who will help break down the wall of isolation.
According to experts, a lack of beneficial communication often leads to premature death. This is 2 times more serious than smoking 15 cigarettes in 12 hours.
As a rule, such effective advice is only the beginning of the path to freedom from loneliness. There is no need to slow down and give up if something doesn’t work out. Let every step be a small victory that gives you strength to fight the feeling of loneliness to the end.
What to do with hopelessness?
In fact, hopelessness is not such an energetically negative state. Yes, it can lead to alcoholism or suicide. But this also requires energy. So it's not a matter of its absence, but of an incorrect application.
Come to terms with the situation
First, try to come to terms with the situation that exists. Draw for yourself the worst-case scenario: no one will love me anymore, everyone despises me, I spent my last money. Sometimes you have to admit defeat: yes, I lost in the confrontation with my partner. And then start working with this situation.
Relax
On the one hand, fatigue is a reason to reconsider your priorities and values. But on the other hand, it’s just fatigue, which can be treated with good rest. To get through a difficult period and fill the “hole” of positive emotions, you need to allow yourself to do what you love: eat something delicious, read a good book, lie on the beach. Perhaps in this moment of positivity there will be a way out of a hopeless situation.
Find your goal
Psychologist Viktor Frankl, who visited a concentration camp, was most familiar with despair. But he said that in the face of hopelessness we can still do something - change ourselves. Thanks to his purpose, he survived and helped others survive. Therefore, psychologists advise finding a goal for yourself - any goal. Not necessarily sublime or noble. And immerse yourself in it so much that there is no time left for idleness.
Get away from total negativism
Negativism is more associated with the teenage desire to do everything in spite of. But an adult, in moments of despair, also begins to reject all more or less useful advice. There is no need to wait for guaranteed correct exit schemes. Try, make mistakes, try again - this is the most effective scheme.
Don't isolate yourself
From a psychological point of view, it is important that a person in a state of hopelessness can talk about it. If you talk to someone, it means you can share the problem and get support. This means that a person is no longer left alone in a dead end. You should try to have a heart-to-heart conversation with someone at least once a day - this will help you look at the situation from the outside and simply talk it out.
Mini-practice on getting out of a deadlock
Once upon a time, American entrepreneur James Altucher found himself in a difficult situation. And then he came up with his own mini-practice, which helped him and then helped others.
It’s not difficult to do - you need to do one of the following points every day:
- Do not turn on the TV or gadgets.
- Eat twice instead of three.
- Reply to a letter you received a year ago.
- Read the spiritual text.
- Express gratitude to a friend.
- Don’t complain, don’t gossip, don’t evaluate all day.
- Surprise someone.
- Cross out one item from your usual daily routine and don’t do it again.
- Cook your own food and eat it at home.
- Tell yourself: “today I will save someone” and try to save.
conclusions:
- Hopelessness is a feeling in a situation when a person does not see a way out and does not see a solution.
- The feeling of hopelessness does not arise at one moment - it is caused by a combination of circumstances and the absence of any action on the part of the person.
- Sometimes, to get out of a dead end, you need to start saving others.
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