The power of introverts: is it really so bad to sit at home and not talk to anyone?

The modern world is built on communication and interconnection. From early childhood, a person does not have the opportunity to remain alone for a long time. Kindergarten, school, after university and work. How should an introvert behave in a society where everyone strives to communicate as much as possible? Let's first understand what introversion is and how it affects our perception of the world. Our inner comfort and sense of balance depend on this. Understanding what is going on deep inside each of us, it is easier to adapt to life so as not to be branded as an eccentric and a psycho.

Who are extroverts and introverts

Socionics, which studies personality types, divides all people into extroverts and introverts.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung believed that both types exist in a healthy person. But often one outweighs the other, determining lifestyle. Extroverts are individuals who are energized by social interactions. Every new acquaintance, any party or just a meeting of friends is a source of vitality. They strive not to miss large gatherings, do not refuse to have lunch together, and always strive to join the company. This is a subconscious need that cannot be avoided.

The peculiarity of introverts, on the contrary, is the generation of energy within themselves. They do not need communication and avoid it whenever possible, this is the main difference. For this type, it is much more interesting to be left alone with a book or film. But this does not mean that they completely avoid live communication. It’s just that such people choose a company for themselves more carefully and thoughtfully.

Golden rules for communicating with an introvert

Friendly and positive extroverts seem to be made for communication. To have a heart-to-heart conversation with an introvert, you will have to try hard. He won't make contact that easily. It is especially important to understand how to communicate with an introverted girl or guy if you feel sympathy for them. The further course of events depends on the first impression. And it can be difficult to come to mutual understanding with introverted colleagues and friends. Therefore, from the general information about communicating with this personality type, we have identified several important rules:

1. Start a conversation with an introvert alone. In noisy companies, they get lost and withdraw into themselves, immersed in their thoughts in order to abstract themselves from uncomfortable conditions. Try to find a time and place to communicate with an introvert where no one will disturb you. Then the interlocutor will have no choice but to pay attention to you and take a closer look at you as a person, and not as a disturber of his peace. Don't raise your voice and speak calmly. Expression in conversation irritates introverts, and a person who shows excessive emotions causes antipathy.
   

   An introvert values ​​predictability in communication. Put him at ease by warning him about the upcoming conversation. Then the person will have time to prepare for the conversation, so that later he will feel at ease. This tactic will help make communication between you as comfortable as possible for both of you.

2. Don't chatter, bombarding the introvert with bursts of questions and statements. He has his own world, where there is no place for vanity. Many people make the main mistake when communicating with an introvert: having captured his attention for a minute, they try to fit in as much information about themselves as possible and find out everything about the interlocutor. Believe me, a conversation of this kind may be your last. Don’t bother the introvert, catch his wave – quiet, calm and a little cosmic.
3. Start the conversation with general topics. It is better not to communicate with a closed person on intimate topics, especially if you do not know him very well yet. By violating his personal boundaries, you risk being blacklisted as an introvert forever. Yes, yes, it’s not at all easy with him, but the goal is worth it. After all, introverts are truly interesting, smart and deep interlocutors, but they are just a little unsociable. Try to find a neutral topic of conversation to build rapport and gain their trust.
   

   How can you tell if an introverted man or woman is in love? There is nothing simpler, because in this state introverts show themselves from a completely different side. They open their souls to their chosen one or chosen one, which is not typical for them when communicating with strangers. Did you hear stories from childhood or about former partners in conversation? Most likely, the introvert is not indifferent to you.

4. Listen. Psychologists advise not to talk too much if your interlocutor is reserved. The fact is that an excessive flow of speech on your part confuses him and does not allow him to come to his senses. Learn to listen to an introvert, and occasionally ask leading, non-intrusive questions to get him to talk. Then the interlocutor will see that you are worthy of his attention. Never interrupt an introvert's speech, because he is very touchy.
5. Take the lead in communication. An introvert is unlikely to approach you first to make acquaintances or even just start a conversation out of necessity. Don't think that these people are too proud or arrogant. It's just the opposite. They are shy and sometimes don’t even know where to start a conversation. This type of personality is also characterized by a cartload of complexes that prevent them from taking the initiative in communication. Want to talk to an introvert? Take the first step yourself and don’t expect decisive action from him.
6. Read body language. How to communicate correctly with an introvert if he has a vacant look and a gloomy expression on his face? Pay attention to his posture and facial expressions. Arms crossed on the chest, a tense wrinkle on the forehead, pursed lips - all these are signs that a productive conversation with an introvert will not work now. Wait for the moment when his posture becomes open, and his face is relaxed or with a slight half-smile.
7. Avoid excessive compliments. Introverts are not at all susceptible to flattery. They do not like to be over-praised, and generally dream of being invisible to others. Praising them is the wrong tactic and will not win you over. Show moderation in everything, including conversation. If you want to show your admiration for the appearance or actions of an introvert, try to do it very discreetly.

By acting gradually in accordance with our recommendations, you will definitely win the trust of an introvert. Don’t count on instant results; this type of person takes a long time to open up to strangers. When you finally achieve your goal, you will understand that your efforts were not in vain. Further communication with an introvert will pleasantly surprise you: not a trace will remain of gloominess, and his rich inner world will open up before you.

Pros and strengths

If we talk about the benefits of introversion, there are quite a lot of them to get the most out of life and achieve what you want.
Calmness and the ability to think more deeply is a distinctive character trait that helps an introvert survive in any environment. The strengths of this type include: • Listening and hearing skills. Paying attention to what is being said allows you to highlight the most important things in the flow of information. Thanks to this, passive people understand oral tasks faster. • Attention to detail. Some people consider introverts to be meticulous. In some moments this is indeed true. But, on the other hand, a thorough study of all the nuances of a certain issue helps to solve it faster and not return to it again. • The absence of impulsive temper inherent in extroverts makes it possible to make more balanced and correct decisions. • Thanks to developed empathy, an introvert makes an excellent friend and partner. They are capable of deep and sincere feelings and empathy.

Include physical activity

Physical activity also has a good effect on the psyche - not just thanks to silence, but also at the neurochemical level. When you exercise your body, your brain begins to produce endorphins, dopamine and serotonin, known as the “happy hormones.”

For an introvert, it is better that the activity is not a team activity, but a solitary one - jogging or swimming does not require interaction with people, which means the effect will be enhanced by them. Physical activity is not necessarily sport. Walking or cycling can also produce the desired effect.

I like yoga - in my opinion, there is no better way in the world to escape into yourself. Yoga teaches you to control your consciousness - first at the level of the body, when you simply can’t think about anything except your muscles that are stretched to the limit, and then at the mental level, when you begin to monitor your breathing and meditate. The effect of exercising in the evening is especially good - all the stress of the day goes away.

Minuses

Reluctance to contact someone often leads to disastrous consequences.
For example, intros rarely turn to doctors, sometimes delaying the development of the disease to a critical state. The very fact of the need for such treatment contradicts the internal foundations of these people. A closed and silent character often gives rise to unpleasant consequences. The same disadvantages include carefully protecting your comfort zone and personal space. Letting someone get as close as any extrovert does is difficult. It will take a long time for this to happen. In most cases, a person (if he is not the same intro) simply does not have the patience to wait, as a result, communication fades away before it even begins. Negative aspects Introversion has a rather serious negative impact on a person’s life. In a world where, from childhood, people are taught to work in a team, make friends, and develop communication skills in every possible way, it is very difficult for those who avoid all this. And the problems start from school.

Teenage children are cruel people. Quiet and calm classmates, as a rule, are hurt and bullied in every possible way. Only with a strong character and strong nerves is it possible to graduate from school without receiving moral trauma. The university is a fairly calm place, most people don’t care about each other, no one will intrude or bother you, the attitude towards any type is quite normal.

Already at work, a team of extroverts demands (unspoken, of course) that each employee be an equal part of all unofficial events. Those who refuse evening gatherings at the bar or corporate events are looked at askance. People like this are discussed and tried to be put under pressure. And this does not contribute to comfort at all.

Forward technique

When it's useful

If you need to ask for help, ask for a bonus from your boss, tell your neighbors that loud music is disturbing you, tell the salesperson that you have been shortchanged, make an appointment by phone, and so on.

How to use

In football, a forward is an attacking player whose main task is to score goals. In essence, the forward defends the interests of the team by attacking. And this requires a certain amount of aggression. For introverts, aggression is directed inward, not outward, so it is always difficult for us to ask, insist, and defend our interests. We also love to think about the opponent’s reaction: how he will react to the request, whether he will get angry, whether he will be able to answer, or whether he is busy with important matters. We can walk for hours in indecision.

Take the courage to take the first step and send the ball to the other person's side. Act without thinking.

Start with everyday situations, and then transfer them to more significant ones for you.

The secret to this technique is to move out of the position of asking and into the position of a player defending the interests of his team. Mentally shift the focus from yourself to your loved ones. Asking for someone is always easier. For example, you ask for a salary increase to pay for your son’s courses; discount from the seller to buy more products for a family dinner. Remember about your inner Kant: loud music from his neighbors prevents him from dozing off.

How to tell if you're an introvert

The definition of introversion is simple, listen to yourself. Some signs clearly indicate that you have this particular, calm and passive personality type.

1. You prefer to spend time at home, surrounded by familiar furnishings.
2. Having to talk to a stranger or ask someone for help makes you feel stunned and almost have a panic attack.
3. You are extremely reluctant to respond to invitations to visit even very old friends. If possible, find things to do that prevent you from accepting such invitations.
4. You like to think and fantasize a lot. You can easily not say a word all day. At the same time you feel great.

In addition, you can do a deep DNA analysis. It will help reveal your tendency towards self-knowledge and your ability to generate energy internally. Any sign will indicate your introversion. By the way, personality type is not inherited, and two extroverted parents may well have an introverted child, as well as vice versa.

As if

When it's useful

On a date, at an interview, if you need to speak publicly, at a crowded party, and so on.

How to use

Introverts tend to overthink and doubt everything. And the quality of thoughts, as is known, directly affects feelings and behavior. Let's go the opposite way.

Start behaving as if you were the life of the party, a charismatic speaker, attractive, sexy, easy - that is, possessing those qualities that you lack for self-confidence. Fake it until you make it. Take the initiative, smile, keep up the conversation, share your knowledge and experience.

The more often you act as if you are confident, the more confident you actually will become.

The emotions you experience will change the way you think. No miracle: even feigned positive emotions send signals to the brain, in response to which endorphins begin to be produced. In psychotherapy, this method is widely used in the treatment of various anxiety disorders.

The secret of this technique is to make “as if” part of ourselves. An imaginary space where we can feel confident and relaxed helps us relax and collect ourselves in various life situations.

Why the world is made for extroverts

The need to gather in large groups and interact with each other has been inherent since the time of the first people.
Individuals had very low chances of survival. Much later, when life became calmer and safer, introverts got the chance to exist in comfort and without obvious threats. However, the majority are extroverts. They more often achieve high goals, their ambitions are much higher, and their energy comes in waves. They are the ones we see every day on the streets, in offices and on television. They make up the bulk of humanity. Extra-humans practically require mutual communication and close connections. Therefore, the question of how to live as an introvert in the modern world often arises.

6. Time to think

According to Dr. Marty Olsen Laney, author of The Invincible Introvert, people with this trait may rely more on long-term memory than short-term memory—by the way, the opposite is true for extroverts. This may explain why introverts so often struggle to express their thoughts in words. They often need extra effort and time to think before answering, and think about serious problems much longer than extroverts. Without this time to process and reflect, introverts become stressed.

How to live in a world of extroverts

First of all, remember the basic rule: if you are an introvert, this does not mean that there is something wrong with you.
It’s normal to get tired of too active participants and communication, to stay at home when others are running to the party. Learn to accept yourself as you are, this will be your first step to a comfortable life in a society filled with extroverts. We will help you define a style and demeanor where you do not feel completely comfortable. Thanks to this, the modern, overly active and changeable world will not seem aggressive and unfriendly to you. At the same time, you don’t need to change or step over yourself at all; the features that everyone has are quite enough.

Make a deal with extroverts

This should be done if introverts have to spend a lot of time with extroverts. This could be marriage or friendships. It is difficult for people with different characters to understand each other. An extrovert wants to go to a club all night. And the introvert should stay at home and, wrapped in a blanket, watch a soulful film. It is useless to argue here, since everyone has different interests and desires. It is better to draw up an action plan and agree in advance.

For example, an introvert and an extrovert can write a schedule for spending time together. Let's say you should go to a party one weekend. The second should be devoted to joint leisure.

To avoid misunderstandings, an introvert should discuss such situations in advance with family and friends who are extroverts. This will help protect yourself from conflicts and resentments.

What to do at work

If you want to avoid unnecessary intrusiveness from your colleagues, it is better to immediately explain that you are an introvert and you are tired of too much communication.
In most cases, such honesty leads to understanding, and you will not be persistently invited to join the company. But nevertheless, you should not spend all your working time only on the computer or papers. Spend about half an hour a day talking to other people. This will support your productivity without causing discomfort. Don't forget also the importance of promoting your own ideas. If you find it difficult to express your thoughts in general meetings, do so electronically directly to your manager or partners. This way you can show off your strengths without making yourself feel constrained and awkward.

When to wear the extrovert mask

According to psychologists, a child is born with an already formed personality. Its features are determined by several factors:

• genetic predisposition;
• brain function;
• properties of the nervous system.

And yet, despite this, a person can adapt to the environment and expand his capabilities. For example, the likelihood of an introvert becoming an extrovert is close to zero. However, any introvert can learn to be more sociable, engage in small talk and speak in public.

Sometimes introverts hide their inner world from others for many years. It's wrong to do that. It is better, if circumstances allow, to remain yourself. Of course, we need to change. However, this should only be done temporarily.

You shouldn't put on the extrovert mask just to satisfy someone else's ego. An introvert needs it only in exceptional cases:

• for truly important projects;
• for loved ones;
• for what is of the highest value in life.

And even here it is important to exercise prudence and moderation, not forgetting about yourself and your needs.

Introverts don’t need to break character or do something they don’t like for too long. Such violence against a person will not lead to anything good. If it is not possible to change the situation, you should find a way to restore vital energy. This could be a walk alone in a nearby park or a short break during the work day.

How to behave in a big company

It is impossible to avoid the company of other people all your life. Therefore, you should know how to communicate in a company so as not to create an unpleasant atmosphere for yourself.

• It is better to conduct any conversations while sitting, if possible.
• To avoid direct eye contact, which can be tiring, sit to the side of the person you are talking to.
• Find something to do, for example, offer to photograph the event. This way you can relieve tension and avoid too intrusive conversations.
• If you feel tired and need peace at home, just leave. You don’t need to think that you can offend someone with this, you shouldn’t overpower and force yourself.

Difference #2: Women get depressed, men get angry.

Women: “I failed the most important relationship in my life.” Men: “If I meet my wife’s lover, I will kill him.”
A common female reaction to infidelity is self-deprecation. Men tend to be angry and attack those who have hurt them, at least in their fantasies.

According to a recent Mayo Clinic study, women are twice as likely to develop clinical depression as men. One reason for this trend is women's tendency to turn criticism inward on themselves rather than outward on others.

The second reason is that women more often define themselves through relationships with other people and associate their worth with whether they are loved or not. When a relationship breaks down or fails, a woman is more likely to experience low self-esteem and depression because she doesn't just lose her partner, she loses herself.

A man, on the contrary, would rather direct his rage at his wife or her lover than at himself. Aggressive men are more likely to have to restrain their violence, but even passive, introspective men sometimes find themselves fantasizing about attacking the “enemy.” Either way, anger gives you back power and control by driving away anxious feelings like shame or self-doubt. Some of you will want to see your partner as a victim who has fallen under the influence of a tempting lover. This way, you avoid the painful possibility that your partner made the decision to have an affair because he was disappointed in you.

Choose what you like

You need to learn to live the way you yourself want, and not the way it is accepted in society. Don't be afraid to turn down meetings if you're not interested. Do you like spending holidays at home more than going to a restaurant with a crowd? So celebrate them at home. You need to be able to live for yourself, and not for the world around you, so that you don’t have to look for how to recover after a noisy company. Choose a job where you don't need to interact with other people often, this will give you more strength to develop.

Method 2 – enroll in acting classes

Classes in a theater studio are a simple way to stop being an introvert and become sociable in a short time. Now in large and medium-sized cities there are many affordable courses lasting from 1 month. After training, talented actors (and just lucky ones) are even hired to act in extras or commercials.

During acting, a person gives vent to accumulated emotions and becomes liberated. In addition, he has to interact a lot with partners, and this allows him to train his communication skills.

This is interesting! Did you know that among world-famous stars there are many introverts? Emma Watson, Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, Salma Hayek and even the outrageous Lady Gaga told journalists about their character traits.

Know how to find compromises

It often happens that two different types of people decide to create a couple. In this case, frequent misunderstandings and, as a result, resentment may arise. Simply because the needs are different. You need to be able to find a compromise and an optimal solution in everything that concerns these differences. For example, spend your free time in different ways: some weekends at home with a movie, others - outdoors with a bunch of friends. This way you can meet each other's needs without causing yourself too much discomfort.

Know how to come to an agreement with yourself

Once you have set a goal, set certain rules for yourself. For example, if you are planning to organize a personal business, once a week or two, attend various seminars or other events where you make useful contacts. This will not only help you achieve your goal faster, but will also completely remove the feeling of guilt that may arise when you stay at home. The main thing is not to violate your own conditions and strictly follow your plans.

Improve your public speaking skills

The advice may seem counterintuitive at first glance, but it works in much the same way as sports training. To lift weights, you first need to build up your muscles, and to build up your communication endurance, you have to communicate with a couple of hundred people at the same time.

At first, this will require colossal mental costs. When I first started speaking, valerian was my constant companion, and after each report I wanted to lie down for three days. But the more you train, the easier it is for you not only to perform, but also to simply communicate with people.

After talking to dozens or even hundreds of people, a one-on-one conversation is almost never tiring, and there is no need to recover from it. Now I can spend two days in a row at a conference, give a speech, participate in all the workshops, go to an after-party, relax in the evening and go to work the next morning.

Rules for raising an introverted child

Introverted children prefer to spend time at home, doing their own thing.
Remember that you cannot force your child to go outside with his peers - this is a lot of stress for them. As a rule, such a personality leads to the child having calm and meditative hobbies, such as drawing, sculpting or designing something. Support any endeavor to develop sufficient self-confidence. Little introverts may get bad grades from school, but not because they are bad students, it’s just hard for them to be at the blackboard, in the center of attention of the whole class. You should not scold or punish children because of this. Spend more time on homework, and, if possible, transfer these children to home schooling. This will give much better results in the future.

Be careful on your days off

The culture of “success” on social media dictates that we spend our weekends wild and fun. Anyone who hasn’t been to a party, hasn’t gone to a concert, or hasn’t opened or closed another season of something is a worthless loser. I know people who drag themselves somewhere on the weekend, only so that on Monday they will have something to tell their friends - however, then it turns out that on Monday they only want to lie, covering their heads with a blanket, and not say a word to anyone.

In general, whether an introvert wants it or not, he will have to save his weekends. For example, think about how you can limit interaction with unfamiliar people - usually it is with them that it is most difficult to communicate, because you have to read intonations and non-verbal signals, process them on the fly and adapt. This is precisely where the lion's share of resources goes.

I try to plan at least one quiet day off - for example, if I meet friends or go to an event on Saturday, I definitely leave Sunday to read, watch a movie and do household chores. If it turns out that both days need to be occupied with active interaction, then I will definitely spend the next weekend at home - otherwise, by the beginning of the third week without a break from communication, my productivity will drop below the baseboard and my mood will be disgusting.