Updated July 23, 2021 949 Author: Dmitry Petrov
Hello, dear readers of the KtoNaNovenkogo.ru blog. “The colors are very harmoniously combined”, “the melody gives me a feeling of inner harmony”, “he harmoniously joined the team” - an adult has heard such phrases at least once in his life.
They are all united by the word “harmony,” which has the same meaning but is used in a variety of contexts.
Pessimists and optimists - what's the difference?
In life, you often have to decide what is more important: health or money, love or freedom. Some cannot refuse any of the opportunities, and as a result are not happy about having all the others, which makes them deeply unhappy. After all, you want to have everything at once!
And some people are completely deprived of the opportunity to choose. God (life circumstances, fate, other people) have already made a choice instead of them. The inaccessibility of pleasures and any blessings in life makes them dissatisfied with their lives and gives rise to envy of those who have it all.
And there are those who simply have nothing to choose from. They are deprived of all the joys of life, they wander through it sadly, they are haunted by failures and they look sadly, with envy, and sometimes with anger, at the “lucky ones” from the first two categories.
There is an expression: if God wants to punish a person, he deprives him of his mind. If we translate it into modern language, it might sound like this: if life wants to punish a person, it deprives him of optimism. The pessimist takes everything else from himself. And in this case there is no question of any harmony. The pessimist refuses it, from happiness, he revels in his misfortune.
At first, the pessimist gives up his desires. Not because there are no opportunities to implement them - he simply does not have faith in this possibility. He joins the ranks of people dissatisfied with life. Thus, he allows other people or life circumstances to control his life.
When a person buries his capabilities, he stops noticing them at all. He moves into the category of unfortunate people who eke out a miserable existence, are angry with the whole world and mourn their fate. There is no time for harmony with the world and people...
But in real life there is no such thing that a person cannot find a reason for joy. It's just that each of us looks at the world differently. Someone got into an accident and laments that he dented his car, while another in the same situation is glad that he is alive and did not harm anyone.
Someone ended up in the hospital and is sad that they lost a lot of time in vain, and even the scar from the operation will remain ugly, while another, in the same circumstances, thanks God and the doctors that he remained alive.
Someone’s wife left him, and he became the most unhappy person in the world and decided that life was over, and someone thanks God that He took the unfaithful man away from him in time.
That is, an optimist will always find something positive in any situation, although perhaps not immediately, but over time. Only real grief unsettles him, but even in such a situation he will recover faster.
A pessimist sees only the “dark” sides of life, and in order to bring him to a happy state, something very positive must happen. But everything in the world is relative, so an optimistic outlook on life is more suitable to real life and brings a person closer to harmony.
Although there are few absolute optimists and pessimists in life. We all often succumb to a bad mood and see the world in faded colors, and sometimes, on the contrary, everything seems bright and colorful to us, we rejoice, happiness and harmony come into life. You just need to learn how to get rid of negative thoughts in time.
Steps to finding it
It is important to be able to determine the problem area and replenish it.
To achieve harmony, balance is required in four main areas:
- bodily - physical components of life, health, sports, intimacy;
- spiritual – dreams, plans, fantasies, creativity;
- social - contacts with friends and relatives, surrounding people;
- material – everything related to money, work, hobbies.
If an individual has a deficiency in one of his areas, there can be no question of a harmonious personality. To determine the balance of spheres, psychologists suggest using a piece of paper on which you need to draw a circle, divide it into four parts corresponding to each sphere. Next, you need to determine for yourself how full each of them is. This should be done intuitively, without thinking for a long time. When problem areas are identified, you need to work on them:
- if there are problems with the material sphere, it may be necessary to change jobs;
- if it’s physical, give yourself a day off more often, accompanied by a visit to the gym, massage or sauna;
- if it’s spiritual, it would be nice to develop your creative potential, start writing, drawing or sculpting;
- if socially, spend more time with loved ones and make new acquaintances.
Why negative thoughts deprive us of peace and harmony
Thinking negatively and being unhappy (or rather, feeling unhappy) is harmful. This feeling prevents us from enjoying what we already have. It deprives us of self-confidence and takes away the will to win. We develop a “victim complex”.
A person who is confident in his bad luck misses chance after chance to improve his life. But he will definitely take the opportunity to further aggravate his misfortunes; he seems to attract them.
A “dead zone” forms around such a person, where no one wants to step. He is surrounded by a negative cloud, and it is no longer clear whether he himself attracts bad luck, or whether failures actually pursue the unfortunate person.
All his bad premonitions come true. Bad luck covers all areas of his life. Failures in the family lead to problems at work, money flies by, then health problems follow - a huge lump of failures in everything is formed.
Neuroses, chronic depression, digestive problems, cardiac disorders - this is what often accompanies an unhappy person.
But he wanted happiness in life, to live in harmony with the world and people. He wanted to be healthy, wealthy, loving and loved, but did not believe that this was possible and became sick, unhappy and lonely.
How to break this vicious circle? How to bring harmony into life? Is it possible?
We see reality through the prism of our mind
The Buddhist monk Shantideva wrote in his philosophical treatise:
You can conquer everyone by conquering only your mind. All fears, as well as all endless suffering, originate in the mind
Shantideva
If you analyze your feelings in certain unpleasant situations, you can come to the shocking conclusion that it is not the situation itself that causes us suffering, but our attitude towards it. This is a twist, right? There is such a fairly widespread disease as cynophobia - the fear of dogs. And sometimes this fear is so irrational that a strong, healthy man can shake with fear, like a child, at the sight of a small, harmless puppy that doesn’t even really have teeth.
And, as a rule, no arguments work here - a certain negative attitude in the subconscious is triggered, generated by a traumatic situation from the distant past, and that’s all - fear covers the person. Irrational, illogical animal fear paralyzes an adult, adequate person, who in everything that does not concern his phobia is completely reasonable and sane.
So what causes suffering? Harmless puppy or inadequate reaction of the mind? The answer is obvious. But if in this situation the answer is obvious to many, then considering the cause of his suffering, for example, bad weather or a long stay in a traffic jam, is practically a rule of good manners, and if you tell such a person that he invented his suffering for himself, he will extremely indignant.
But by and large, this situation is no different from the situation with a puppy - only our attitude towards certain things makes us suffer or rejoice. For a person who does not suffer from cynophobia, a puppy will only cause a storm of positive emotions, that is, the object is the same, but the perception is different.
Most often, we cannot radically influence what happens around us. But we can change our attitude towards this.
Yes, it’s hot in the summer, cold in the winter, the boss is a tyrant, and the neighbor smokes on the balcony in the morning, interfering with doing exercises. But if there is no real opportunity to change the region of residence, work and adequate dialogue with a neighbor is impossible, all that remains is to learn to treat this with equanimity. In addition, we should remember the law of karma, according to which we cannot face a problem greater than the one we ourselves created. And awareness of this immediately allows you to moderate your indignation and gain patience.
Try applying this idea in real life. Start with something simple - if there is something that somewhat poisons your life, try to be indifferent to it. But if you manage to understand that all difficulties lead to development, perhaps you will also be able to fall in love with your problem.
How to bring harmony into life?
You can break the circle of bad luck and bring harmony into your life, you just need to turn on positive thinking . This term came to us from the West and means self-programming for success.
A person needs to gather his willpower and concentrate on the positive aspects of his life. For example, a problem has arisen. You need to carefully consider the option of a successful solution, consider the happy coincidence of circumstances from all sides, and imagine in pictures how it all happens.
Our brain is designed in such a way that it cannot simultaneously think about two opposing versions at once. A person determined to successfully solve a problem notices everything that can help him and strives to realize his dreams.
When a person is in a positive mood, waves of confidence and calm emanate from him. Such a person is harmonious, people are drawn to him, who know that everything will work out with him, everything will be fine.
Perhaps a person with positive thinking does not feel complete harmony and happiness (do not forget that everything in the world is relative), but he does not dwell on the bad, on the contrary, he changes this bad for the better.
Therefore, in order to have harmony in your soul and life, you need to strive to become an optimist.
What it is
Harmony is an equal combination of all spheres of an individual’s life. This is an internal state accompanied by sensations of events independent of surrounding people and external circumstances.
In ancient times, thinkers and philosophers thought about the concept of harmony, among whom was Pythagoras, who put forward the idea of the harmony of the spheres, which became the basis of idealism, which still exists today in the philosophy of Kepler, Leibniz, Giordano Bruno and Shaftesbury.
Human harmony is the merging of individual components of one personality into a single whole. We can talk about it when all areas of life are balanced. We can say about a harmonious person that he is happy.
Why is life harmony needed? The answer is determined by the following basic provisions:
- this is a way to feel complete inner peace;
- the opportunity to make your path easier on the way to achieving your goal;
- better understanding of your needs and the essence of your partner;
- the opportunity to improve personal qualities and relationships;
- the ability to feel inner freedom.
Inner personal freedom
The problem of inner freedom is as old as the world. For many centuries, people have been striving to understand their essence, the world, to find freedom and harmony. Why do we often feel like prisoners of life, refuse opportunities, are afraid to decide to change, to go towards new discoveries? Freedom is a life choice; you can live by the rules of others or find your own path, act according to the dictates of your heart.
A free person is distinguished by courage, confidence, a clear position in life, and commands respect. Such people often become leaders, help others understand the world around them, find their calling and values.
Limiters of internal freedom - thoughts, prohibitions, negative attitudes, fear. We often drive ourselves into a “dungeon” on our own due to lack of faith, lack of positive thinking, the presence of complexes, and a negative attitude towards ourselves and the world.
Life is the same for everyone
But still we see a special world,
From the existing obstacles,
The strongest of all are the shackles of the soul. ©
Negative thinking and attitudes distort the picture of life, exaggerate the colors and present everything in gloomy tones. But there is always a way out: discover potential, “learn to fly,” strive upward.
The book “Jonathan Livingston Seagull” by Richard Bach will help you understand and feel inner freedom. The main character is Jonathan the seagull, he strives to learn to fly higher than other birds, but the flock does not support his aspirations, why strive upward, be like everyone else. But faith, burning desire and constant training work wonders. He became free, learned to fly, and later taught wisdom to those who wanted to find freedom.
The book carries a special spirit of freedom, everyone can fly, the main thing is to believe. A person’s inner freedom is the rejection of negative assessments of others, the ability to live by one’s own ideals and goals. It's better to make a mistake than to live a life that isn't yours. It is important to find self-expression: sing, dance, draw, reach your horizons.
The path to freedom is a road of untrodden paths, understanding of one’s own inner world, the ability to live, overcoming fears, complexes, and the opinions of others. A person’s internal freedom and non-freedom depends on the ability to go beyond the usual, think outside the box, creatively, understand the world around him, and feel flight. There lives a “free seagull” in everyone; we often don’t let it into the sky, preferring a bird in our hand.
How difficult it is sometimes to overcome all restrictions and boundaries, to follow the dictates of your heart, to get off the ground, to fly towards your dreams and goals. But anything is possible.
Maintain a single personal and work calendar
We often plan our day based only on work tasks. Meetings, work on reports, planning meetings and work calls are put on the calendar - these are things that come from a feeling of “must”. It turns out to be a plan for an employee or manager, but you are more than an employee or manager.
Life is not only work. In addition to the things that “need” to be done, put both personal affairs and internal desires on your calendar or to-do list - call a friend, read interesting material, eat ice cream, go for a walk in a beautiful place.
How to fill out a plan: a case study
Every morning Ilya remembers what was good about yesterday, and thinks what makes his life better now, which he can be grateful for. “What will I be grateful to myself for tomorrow?” and you will understand what you want to do today. Energy appears for such things; procrastination does not arise here, since important things motivate in themselves.
Ilya’s plan for March 4, 2021, personal and work blocks are mixed:
It’s enough to put two to four important things in your plan, the motivation for which is the strongest. The remaining tasks will be organized on their own, and they will be easier to do, since you will do everything important without coercion.
Taking care of your body
If you are grateful for the very first gift you received in your life (your body), then you should take care of it. This means making “healthy” choices in your life. Exercise and physical activity, a balanced diet, and a healthy diet will allow your body to rest when it is tired and take care of it when it needs it.
Your body is an instrument that allows you to experience many wonderful moments in your life, so you need to take very good care of it.
A harmonious life is impossible without a harmonious body.
Meet yourself
Humanity knows many ways to avoid meeting itself. Going to work is a legal way of escaping from oneself, which is encouraged by society. One of the frequent requests to a psychotherapist is “busyness”, the inability to be in a state where you are not busy with anything.
Why being a workaholic is not a compliment: Advice from psychologists in the article “What kind of workaholic are you? How to separate personal life and work"
Running away from yourself prevents you from listening to your real desires, sensations and feelings.
How to find out what kind of person I am
Emotions can be suppressed, you can be distracted, or you can immerse yourself in them in order to live. The third option is one of the ways to meet yourself.
What will help you see what experiences you have:
- meditation - without esotericism, concentration on sensations in the body and their causes;
- doing nothing - doing nothing for half a day, not blending into roles: not consuming content, not discussing plans, not solving work problems.
Sometimes, in a moment of doing nothing, you can plunge into some kind of trauma, then it is worth discussing it with a specialist in order to get out of it safely.
