How to cope with irritability and calm down

Some emotions help us, while others drive us crazy and prevent us from making the right decisions. It happens that one wrong word can ruin your mood and cause anger. A person, not remembering himself, lashes out at his interlocutor and expresses everything he thinks. It’s like pouring out a bucket of dirt and then greatly regretting it. If you know this situation firsthand and you want to learn how to manage your emotions, then use 4 simple tips from this article. By the way, we took some of the recommendations from our free online course “Emotional Intelligence: How to Develop and Use in Your Career,” which is available for training to everyone.

Irritability - what is it?

This emotion, unlike anger or joy, accompanies a person for a long time. Absolutely any situation throws you off balance, be it spilled tea or an untied shoelace.

Because of this, you stop expecting something good from life, and subconsciously expect something bad. And every trifle becomes a reason for anger and lashing out at relatives.

We must understand that irritability is a part of our life, and everyone faces it from time to time. However, if it interferes with normal life, work and communication with others, this is a cause for concern.

Anger. Fear. Resentment. How to learn to manage?

Emotional Intelligence: Founding Fathers

American psychologist and specialist in the field of emotional intelligence Daniel Goleman has identified several components that help us communicate with people and remain ourselves.

“Personal competence is the ability to cope with oneself, to negotiate with the most important person in one’s life.”
Daniel Goleman

Self-awareness

- knowledge of one’s own states, preferences, capabilities. Understanding how I react, the ability to evaluate, predict my own reactions, the ability to reflect. Sometimes correctly asked questions (What exactly am I afraid of? Why does this cause anger?) help to find the answer and understand why we react so strongly to certain events - for what reason, for example, resentment arises.

Self-regulation

— The ability to cope with one’s internal states and impulses.

Often people do not want to do anything to part with negative emotions. But the first step to stop being offended is to stop shifting responsibility for your life to someone else, to understand that I manage my own life independently.

When a person is overwhelmed by emotions, he may misread the states of other people.
Before judging the emotions of another, check in with yourself: most likely, you are the one who is sad or irritated. Another psychologist and specialist in the field of emotions is Paul Ekman. He believes that basic emotions appear due to neural programs embedded in a person from birth, so that most of these emotions are innate. On their basis, complex social structures and phenomena are formed.

Basic emotions:

Joy
Astonishment
Sadness
Anger
Disgust
Contempt
Fear

Please note: There is no offense intended in this list.
And all because resentment consists of two different emotions. Robert Pluchek and Henry Kellerman created the wheel of emotions and said that emotions can change very quickly. Scientists emphasized that emotions, unlike moods, can replace each other instantly and proceed quite intensely.

Wheel of Emotions

Emotions correlate with character traits. If, say, a person tends to experience more fear, then he is most likely timid. The same feature applies to other emotions:

joy - friendliness
expectation - curiosity state of sadness - depression anger - aggression

Emotions are based on genetics. And for this reason, sometimes it is almost impossible to change something about yourself. What is inherent in the core of character will, in one way or another, accompany a person in the background all his life - this is practically equal to the physiology that is given to us from birth.

Anger. How to cope yourself and help others?

The worst thing you can say to an angry person is “calm down.”
If there is a state of anger and excitement, a person will not be able to instantly switch to calm, he must experience the entire spectrum of emotions. The energy of anger is the energy of movement. If you feel a rush of excitement and anger, change your body position. If you were sitting, stand up, if you were standing, sit down. Reset your energy: exhale deeply, hold your breath, inhale again.

Shake your hands as if shaking something off them. Clench and unclench your fists. Do push-ups against the wall, stand in a plank position if possible. Place a chair in front of you and tell him everything that you would like to say to your offender (child, parent, boss, friend - whoever the conflict occurred with). Crumple and tear a piece of paper or a rag, you can even try to tear a tennis ball. Another good tool is light colored sticks that you use to swim in the pool. Beat them, wave them into space.

To avoid yelling at the offender in a fit of anger, immerse yourself in the sensations of your body. Try to capture how your toes and fingers feel in your shoes. Try making yourself an anchor - some bright object that will stand on the table and into which you can place your aggression and anger. Look at him during a rolling storm of emotions, immerse yourself in this state, and give him everything that you almost blurted out on a real person.

We yell, they yell at us - unfortunately, we don’t experience anything other than a surge of emotions, anger and resentment at this moment. Therefore, learn to direct the conversation in a constructive direction.

If a conflict occurs with a child, in order not to give off too violent an uncontrolled reaction, you can first try to warn the offender, and, if necessary, even raise your voice: “I’m very angry, I’m going to scream now.”
This will help both you and the child. The child will turn on some kind of safety mechanism, and your emotions may recede, because you have already helped yourself with this phrase. Look into the child's eyes, be physically on the same level with him, do not fall on him from above so that he does not experience powerful fear. Later, if you still couldn’t restrain yourself and the emotional wave broke out, warn the teenager - now he has seen what he shouldn’t do: “Those were unnecessary emotions, forgive me, now let’s get back to what I want for you.” say". And just like with parental emotions, sometimes you don't need to try to stop your child's tantrum. Let him shout - he will release anger, resentment, irritation. He can simply shout something like “hey!!!” - if it makes it easier for him, why not. But such practices should not be part of the system. If you are frightened by the frequency of similar reactions, contact a psychologist to have a sufficient number of practices in stock for working with negative emotions.

Resentment. What to do?

Resentment is a reaction of unreacted anger to some words, to injustice.
People can live in resentment for years. But let's see if we can manage resentment. The correct answer is yes, and moreover, only the offended person himself can change the situation. After all, it is he who makes the decision to be offended, not his offender. Sometimes the people we are offended by did not want to offend us at all. Ask yourself a question: what is stopping my offense? Communication with this person with whom I am offended, or maybe something else?

It's a good exercise. Say as you inhale: “I”, and as you exhale: “I forgive...”.

Help your child survive the insult, and in general, do not devalue your children’s feelings. If a teenager is offended, feel it, live this offense with him. Remember: by trying to force him out of some kind of negativity, you are breaking parent-child communication. Instead of preventing your child from experiencing an emotion, join him in the moment, do not protect him from it. In short, show empathy.

Fear. How to survive?

Fear is a reaction to a threat - real or imagined.
But remember that fear and fear can be a completely normal reaction to something new. When a child says “I don’t want to,” it most likely means “I can’t,” or maybe even “I’m afraid.” Fear of communication, fear of not being able to cope with something new, fear that is based on past experience.

Objective fear has a protective function - without it, we would not be afraid to go out the window on the 14th floor and could calmly step into an empty elevator shaft. Subjective fear also protects us from some kind of psychological experience. But in order to curb children's fears, we, as parents, must create as many comfort zones for them as possible: enter these states with them, be afraid with them in order to feel this emotion.

Technique “Cutting fear into pieces”

When we talk about fears, it is important to name what exactly I am afraid of.
If, for example, I am afraid of old age, then I need to understand what exactly scares me about it? Maybe fear of loneliness? Then what can I do right now to avoid being lonely in old age? Start making a plan! What then to do with the fear of uncertainty? The same! Ask yourself what can you do right now? You don’t know what will happen tomorrow and the day after tomorrow, but today is in your power - the moment when you can make a decision.

Do not try to solve in uncertainty problems that relate to the meaning of life. Just write down three things in a notebook that you can solve the next morning.

Another technique for working with fear

Activate the traumatic event. Describe the situation/problem in as much detail as possible. It could be anger, resentment, fear - anything.
Consequences. Describe your behavior and emotions that arise and that you want to change: “I feel this way, I do this (yell, get offended, leave...), etc.”
Search for “bad” thoughts. Describe the thoughts that trigger emotions: “if he doesn’t call, it means he despises or has forgotten, he’ll definitely grow up to be a scoundrel...”. Then write down the desired emotions and behavior: “At this moment, I want to feel this way. I want to do this, etc.”
Rational beliefs. Describe rationally and logically, without emotions, “refuses - is afraid of this task”
Take ownership of the new strategy.

Don’t suppress your emotions, give them free rein, but it’s better to use them in some kind of sports activity or creativity, don’t transfer negativity to living beings.

Causes of irritability

They are psychological and physiological. Modern people are subject to constant stress; the pace of life leaves almost no time for rest. Problems at work, quarrels with family, naughty children - all this puts pressure on us.

In the second case, the cause of nervousness may be poor nutrition, hormonal imbalance, toothache, etc. If you are worried about physical ailments, it makes sense to consult a doctor as soon as possible.

Outbreaks of temper most often occur in women due to the fact that their body is subject to hormonal changes. It is also more common for girls to place everything on their fragile shoulders: work, household chores, and children.

Symptoms

Irritability and aggression manifest themselves in the form of somatic and mental symptoms.
The first consists of pain, dizziness, disorders of the digestive system, disorders of sexual desire and other physical abnormalities. Mental symptoms manifest themselves in emotional stress - anxiety and irritability for no reason, isolation, fixation on problems, phobias, photophobia, increased sensitivity to temperature changes, inferiority complex and others.

Recommendations from a psychologist

There are enough ways to help you overcome increased irritability, calm down and return life to normal.

What you can do yourself

Take time for yourself. At least half an hour a day, even if you have a lot of things to do and troubles. Allow yourself to be alone with yourself and relax. Many psychologists recommend meditation: there is a lot of information and video tutorials on the Internet that will help you figure it out.
Keep a diary. Write down everything that doesn't suit you and causes negative emotions. Analyze which situations most often provoke your irritation and try to avoid them.
New hobby. Find a source where you can throw out the accumulated negativity. It could be anything: dancing, boxing, drawing. The main thing is that it brings joy and relief.
Daily regime. Establish your routine, get at least eight hours of sleep, and eat healthy. Believe me, your body will be grateful for the care shown!
Communication. Talk to someone you trust. Tell us about your problems and experiences. After all, the support of a loved one is exactly what we sometimes lack.
Breathing exercises. If you feel irritated and angry, try to inhale and exhale deeply and slowly. This will help stop the oncoming outbreak of uncontrollable feelings.
Going to the doctor. Not all problems can be resolved on your own. If you have a broken leg, you will not treat it at home, but will go to a specialist. In some cases, it is worth resorting to the services of a psychologist or psychotherapist if your health does not improve.

Nootropics and neurometabolic agents

This is a wide group of drugs that have a “general strengthening” effect, improve the metabolism of nerve cells, and have a positive effect on cognitive functions (memory, attention, learning).

Used in courses, has fewer contraindications (compared to previous groups of funds). Effective for aggressiveness caused by overwork, the consequences of organic damage to the central nervous system, neuroses and personality disorders.

The main representatives of this group:

glycine;
nootropil;
aminophenylbutyric acid;
Vinpocetine.

All medications have indications and contraindications. Be sure to consult your doctor. Remember, medications must be prescribed by a doctor!

How not to ruin your relationship with your family

Due to frequent irritability, we begin to lash out at loved ones. Warn your family about your problem. If you need more privacy and personal space, don't be afraid to voice it. It would be much worse to throw out all the negativity on them.

If you feel that you are about to lose your temper, it is better to postpone the conversation until later and then solve the problem with a cool head on your shoulders. Don't make claims or blame. Remember that you are fighting against the problem, not against each other.

Normotimics (normotimics, mood regulators)

Drugs in this group are most often used for long-term planned treatment of aggressiveness. The mechanism of action of these drugs is associated with restoring the balance between the processes of inhibition and excitation in the brain.

Prescribed for aggressiveness resulting from overwork, the consequences of organic damage to the nervous system (trauma, surgery, infection and intoxication), alcohol and drug abuse, epilepsy, affective disorders (depression, manic states, bipolar affective disorder) and other endogenous mental disorders.

The main drugs from the group of mood stabilizers:

carbamazepine;
lithium strength;
valproic acid;
lamotrigine.

Overview of Soothing Natural Remedies

Products that soothe facial skin should be developed based on natural ingredients. The main thing is to approach home care wisely. Don't overdo it and take daily baths or use too many cosmetics. Active substances may begin to “argue,” which will only aggravate the situation and increase irritation. In this case, such a statement as “I’ll put more in, I’ll sit longer” doesn’t work. Everything is good in moderation.

If you don’t know how to soothe your skin from irritation, check out the list of the most effective and safest products:

Salt scrubs. Suitable for sensitive skin, because abrasive particles dissolve in water, exfoliating gently and without damaging the epidermis. They have a pronounced regenerating and antiseptic effect. The essential oils included in the composition nourish the skin, increasing elasticity and maintaining water balance. They will have an antibacterial effect and soothe the skin. The result is softness and silkiness without inflammation or irritation.
Tropical Touch Coconut Milk Scrub. A delicate product suitable for dry, thin and sensitive skin. Formulated with Epsom salts, grape seed oil, coconut flakes and coconut milk powder. At the same time, it cleanses and nourishes the skin, improving its structure and increasing its protective properties. Organic ingredients rejuvenate and moisturize the skin, restoring its natural beauty.
Home SPA. Mixes of sea, Himalayan and Epsom salts, dried chamomile and calendula flowers and bath bombs developed on the basis of baking soda have a complex effect, effectively eliminating the problem of irritated skin.
White Velvet Blend. Contains three types of natural salt, dry cream, jasmine buds, macadamia and almond oil, white clay and coconut milk. The recipe was developed based on the ancient recipe for Cleopatra's bath. The unique composition provides hydration and nutrition.
Set of bath salts. Epsom salt eliminates swelling and has a lymphatic drainage effect; pink (Himalayan) – contains 84 minerals, nourishing, moisturizing and increasing skin elasticity; Dead Sea – rejuvenates and increases the protective barrier; Crimean - moisturize and smooth the epidermis.

To ensure complete skin care and prevent irritation, it is recommended to use a dry massage brush. The procedure gently exfoliates dead cells, stimulating blood circulation. Dry rubbing helps restore not only the upper but also the deep layers of the skin. Dried cactus fibers help prevent skin irritation by stimulating the protective properties of the epidermis. As a result, the skin becomes silky and toned.

Cosmetics without fragrances, parabens and preservatives are much safer and more effective than the products that many of us are used to using. You can achieve ideal skin condition with the help of natural oils and salts. Natural products created by nature are effective for the beauty of the face, body and hair, and also help achieve peace of mind.

Natural cosmetics replace salon procedures, solving problems quickly and comprehensively. Natural monocomponent products, with regular use, give visible and lasting results. If there are a lot of substances in cosmetic products, then this only worsens the situation, confusing the skin. Cosmetics should contain only those substances that are really necessary (panthenol, hyaluronic acid, vegetable oils, etc.). This approach allows you to quickly cope with irritation, soothing and restoring the skin.

How to relieve irritation

Irritated skin should not be constantly exposed to negative factors. She needs soothing care and protection. It is also important that the agents used have an anti-inflammatory effect. Since itching can be very unpleasant when the skin is irritated, it is recommended to use soothing products. Natural salts with plant flowers (calendula, chamomile) are effective. Herbs help restore and heal the skin. Salts saturate with minerals (magnesium, sodium, potassium, calcium, phosphorus) and increase the protective properties of the epidermis. Itching is eliminated, which reduces the likelihood of skin damage, for example, at night through unconscious scratching.

Cosmetologists advise using tea rose oil when acne or irritation appears, because it has an antiseptic effect. But it can also dry out the skin, so long-term use of this product is not recommended. Combined with natural Himalayan and Epsom salts, as well as lavender flowers, tea rose relieves irritation without negative effects on the skin.

All skin needs a combination of oil and moisture. The appropriate ratio varies depending on skin type. Itchy skin and a feeling of tension usually lack moisture. Oil emulsion-based care products are ideal:

Slim Citrus. Accelerates metabolism, activating the lymphatic drainage effect. Normalizes the skin's water balance, cleansing it of toxins and impurities, improving its appearance.
Muscle Care. Relieves stress and relaxes muscles, minimizing negative factors that worsen skin condition. Provides nutrients and restores the protective barrier, preventing acne and irritation.
Balance & Calm. Smoothes and tightens the skin. Effectively eliminating peeling and eliminating dehydration. Quickly relieves irritation, fights peeling and acne.

You should also pay attention to the “Perfect Skin” set, which contains Dead Sea salt, Coffee Cocktail scrub and salt with essential oils. Comprehensive care promotes restoration - the skin becomes smooth, even and radiant. After 1-2 weeks of regular use of the products included in the set, you can forever forget about irritated skin prone to peeling. The tools included in the set complement each other. The complex effect will definitely be appreciated: relieving fatigue, relaxing and improving skin condition.

You can treat dry skin at home, for example, with magnesium oil, which will soften by delivering nutrients to the deep layers of the dermis. If the epidermis is excessively dry, a burning sensation is possible. You just need to rub a few drops into the affected areas of the skin. Magnesium oil has a pleasant consistency, is quickly absorbed and forms a transparent protective film that retains moisture in the layers of the skin and at the same time allows it to breathe. Thus, irritated and damaged areas of the epidermis are restored.