How to break up with a psychopath painlessly

Living with a psychopathic man is like an eternal nightmare. These are men who have serious mental health problems, so being with him can even be dangerous. The problem is that most often the psychopath keeps the whole family in fear and therefore the woman does not even think about how to leave the psychopathic husband.

Who are psychopaths?

Before we understand how to part with this type, let's figure out who is classified as a psychopath. Their features:

Self-centeredness.
Inability to empathize.
Deceit.
Laziness.
They parasitize their partner.
Incapacity for depth of feeling.
Lack of remorse.
Tendency to undertake life-threatening ventures.
They don't follow laws and regulations.

Their personality is a combination of these traits, and most importantly, they simply cannot build a relationship with another person. They may be charming, but this is just a manipulation to get you to become their new victim. The only way is to run as far as possible. In addition, this type never changes and cannot be treated.

What is sociopathy?

Modern society modifies and adapts many words, which are not always originally carriers of the essence of what was attributed to them.
Since psychotic states and the norm have been sufficiently studied, emphasis should be placed on the borderline state. It is this that undergoes various renamings, and it is often not specialists who undertake this task. Sociopathy is a very old name for today's dissocial personality disorder. Although in general this word very clearly reflected the essence of the problem, socio is society, and pathia is violations. Disturbances in the symbiotic life of society.

Someone might say that there are a lot of such people, that the Internet turns everyone into sociopaths. But in fact, the criteria are quite clear, since not all closed individuals are sociopaths. And sociopaths cannot always be equated with psychopathic individuals, although there are some similarities.

Doctors, according to the ICD 10 classifier, classified sociopathy as a dissocial personality disorder, but this did not change the global essence of everything. In general, a sociopath, as an individual who harms society, remains the same in terms of his worldview for many years

Society pays a lot of attention to such individuals, because they frighten and at the same time fascinate

Cinematography often turns to these roles in the film, since they are bright and excite the mind. They are often capable of doing things that the average individual would never do. Why such characters are so attractive is worth thinking about and philosophizing about. Perhaps it is their ability to do things differently that is so valuable to us. But the path they take when committing their actions cannot be called cordial; it is usually to the detriment of the people around them.

Sociopathy is quite multifaceted in its manifestation and can be quite significant in society. There are so-called high-functioning sociopaths who are very productive and capable of a large number of activities, and due to a decrease in moral sense, they can perform jobs that are beyond the capabilities of non-sociopaths.

Sociopathy can be considered an antisocial personality, since it is characterized by an excessive craving for profitable relationships, with a reluctance to have some kind of intimacy and even an inability to do so. This pathology is not detectable, like, for example, pathologies of the major psychotic series, since an individual with sociopathy is able to express his character and adapt differently. But in institutions of the penitentiary system, the percentage of sociopaths is much higher than in the ordinary world.

The prevalence of sociopathy is more pronounced in men and is 2% higher than the prevalence in women. The connection between this and certain factors is studied and is most clearly expressed in the reasons. This pathology has been considered by a large number of psychotherapists and psychoanalysts, since the presence of such people is very disturbing to the subconscious.

This is not introversion or isolation, it is a serious pathology of certain structures of the psyche, which undoubtedly affects all spheres of an individual’s life, as well as his interaction with society. It is impossible to independently try to diagnose the pathologies of such groups, since it is impossible to evaluate it independently.

• Sociopathy in men appears more often due to the possibility of its expression.

• Sociopathy in children is most characteristic of adolescents, since character traits begin to come into closer contact with external difficulties and do not coincide with the demands of the world.

• Sociopathy in women is not similar to other psychopathy and should not be confused with various types of neuroses or hysteria.

Advice from another psychopath

The best advice can only be given by someone who is this type themselves.

The best thing to do is to make it seem like it was his choice to break up with the psychopath:

As with ticks or other parasites, you need to “poison the well” from which it draws energy. Then the sociopath willingly leaves. Call it the “guerrilla way” of getting out of a relationship with a psychopath.
Become a helpless, emotionless burden. Start being useless or, on the contrary, pretend to be tired, sick and depressed. Be the problem person, but make it look like an accident.
If the sociopath freaks out, apologize, but don't change. Say, “I don’t know what came over me.”
Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, allow yourself to be as insufferable as possible without going into open conflict. In about three months (give or take), the sociopath will disappear from life.
After the sociopath has left, he will have to maintain his “legend” for three to six months. After this period, the sociopath will likely no longer need you to meet his basic needs.

When your child or teen is a sociopath

A child suffering from sociopathy is not yet able to realize the full seriousness of his disorder. Therefore, its signs will most often be associated with a challenge to society. For example, he may regularly cause various brawls at school or kindergarten, bite, fight and show aggression in other ways.

At the same time, the baby will do everything to attract the attention of others.

In addition, a sociopathic child (signs of his psychological disorder can be expressed in his behavior) is prone to committing reckless acts. For example, he can incite his classmates to steal something from a supermarket, set fire to a school toilet, beat someone up and post a video on the Internet. In a word, morality and normal human values do not exist for such children, and later adults.

Psychologist's advice

Here are recommendations on how to break up with a psychopath painlessly, as quickly as possible and at the lowest cost from a qualified specialist. Yes, there will still be problems, you will be scared and it will seem like it lasts forever.

There will inevitably be some post-traumatic stress to deal with after he leaves. The reason lies in the fact that the psychopath psychologically “rapes” his victim over and over again, inflicting ever stronger wounds in the soul. But if you do not follow the recommendations below, the situation will be much, much, much worse.

We can protect ourselves by taking immediate action.

Main principles:

Keep your feelings to yourself.
Don't tell them you want to leave.
Don't be confrontational or ask questions.
Continue to be pleasant or behave as before.
Don’t think about anything when you’re with them: no thoughts, no feelings—emptiness.
If necessary, lie.

It is not difficult to predict how a psychopath behaves after a breakup. Sociopaths are all the same. They have the same tactics and limited thinking, so you can use their weaknesses to force them to leave.

Take away what the sociopath enjoys

To stop being a victim of a psychopath, become completely useless to him. If you usually cook dinner, stop. If you take out the trash and make your bed, don't do it. Passively, quietly, humbly, meekly say, “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry, honey,” and nothing more.

The sociopath will be confused, dazed, furious and will have to leave within a few weeks.

Reconsider your views

People who become victims of psychopaths very often experience fear of them. This feeling is often confused with respect. It seems that if someone is terrifying, then that person definitely deserves respect. Therefore, when discussing how to protect yourself from a sociopathic psychopath, it is worth learning to see the difference between these two feelings.

You can respect someone who is friendly and really offers constructive solutions to this or that issue. He will never scream or act like a real sadist. If the interlocutor shouts, behaves immorally and even spreads his hands, then he can cause fear, but not respect.

In this matter, everyone chooses their own path. Someone, deciding how to talk with a psychopath, will prefer to abandon the role of the victim and begin to defend their interests, realizing that they have nothing to fear from such a person. Weaker people resort to the help of third parties. Both of these methods are effective.

For example, if the son is a psychopath, what should the mother do in this situation? Try to seek help from the father of the family, who is most likely a great authority for the guy. You can try talking to his friends and teachers at school. The most effective method in this situation is to contact a specialist. The sooner the family recognizes that the child has a problem, the faster the psychologist can develop a program that will help the boy.

Be steadfast

Psychopaths often write provocative nasty things about their exes - do not respond under any circumstances.

If you communicate something to this person, it should be quiet, calm and unshakable. He must understand that you cannot be manipulated or pushed into any reaction, no matter what he does or says.

Keep a positive attitude, smile and be confident (even if you don't feel like it) at all times. Any sign of weakness will be seen as an opportunity for a comeback or for another psychological attack.

Causes of sociopathy

Sociopathy is a multifaceted concept in terms of the root causes that provoke its occurrence. The theories are mostly psychological, but there are also objective organic reasons.

The psychodynamic direction is based on the foundations of psychoanalysis with the addition of essays by later psychoanalysts. It is based on violations of the stages of formation and development of personality, which is often associated with upbringing, problems of parents and normal identification of the child

For the neonatal age, that is, the time immediately after birth, it is very important for the baby to receive affection and care, and this does not always happen in life. This period, with an incorrect attitude towards the child and a lack of warmth and love, ends with great disappointment in life.

It is the mother who teaches the child the right attitude towards himself and others, and if this does not happen, then the child will never again trust his family, much less any strangers. Accordingly, building any kind of relationship after such a relationship is, in principle, impossible. The early experience of alienation forever closes the child’s path to healthy relationships and normal existence in society.

Genetic aspects also play a role, as there is evidence of some abnormalities in the brain structures of individuals with these personality disorders, but they are so minimal that they cannot be detected by standard research techniques. This can also be suspected, since there is psychopathization of character after TBI and similar disorders.

The behavioral aspects of the theory suggest that symptoms are acquired as imitative behavior and can no longer be carried out otherwise by interaction with society. This can have several aspects. On the one hand, a child can imitate the aggressive behavior of his parents, carrying out such behavior on those around him, but on those who do not resort to violence. Or the child notices that he can achieve something by resorting to violence and then he will use this as a habitual pattern of behavior. Sociopathy in children is formed precisely on the basis of these two principles. Sociopathy in men is usually just such an aggressive pattern of behavior. There is also a theory that some parents deliberately instill aggression in their children, supposedly to protect them from a cruel life.

Sociopathy in women, as in general and in all individuals, can be formed when it is impossible to accept attitudes that not only one’s own needs are significant, but also the needs of others. At the same time, views of the world that differ from theirs are simply not perceived. This leads to serious disruptions in communication and greatly desocializes.

Biological causes may manifest as genetic causes. Studies conducted in many countries show that a large number of sociopaths experience low levels of anxiety. And anxiety often prompts an individual to follow herd instincts and conform to social norms, but sociopaths do not worry and therefore do not succumb to social norms and do not require society for a normal life. Often they lack the radicalism that is necessary for normal learning, and they do not adopt behavioral patterns, following their aggressive instinct. It is characteristic that behavior is not corrected by the framework of society and the individual cannot be “squeezed” into a certain behavioral framework.

Also, due to some disturbances in hormonal regulation, there may be an acute desire for adrenaline surges, which may be associated with a general lack of catecholamines. There are also some peculiarities in the work of physiological arousal.

Forgive yourself

The main condition for freeing yourself from the influence of a psychopath after a breakup is to forgive yourself. You were not a criminal, but a victim, and therefore you may feel like a complete fool, but you are not.

Anyone can fall prey to an experienced psychopath, and it happens every day in all walks of life and at all levels of society.

You couldn't have foreseen this, but now you are much less likely to experience it again. Perhaps you can help others see the signs of such relationships around them - or at least realize - that there are evil people, virtual wolves in sheep's clothing, who seek to destroy the lives of others without remorse.

Legal assistance

To prevent pressure from your husband during a divorce, it is wiser to contact a lawyer. A lawyer knows how to think clearly and knows exactly how to behave in court and how to protect you. Your presence in court may not be necessary, which will avoid pressure and a stressful situation.

The legal process is a potential minefield and, unfortunately, in most cases the woman is not protected. It is very difficult to diagnose a disorder such as psychopathy in a man, so he is quite capable of showing himself to the court as a respectable, adequate person.

It is best if you have evidence that your husband periodically used violence and threatened you. Perhaps this will be testimony from neighbors, relatives, and acquaintances.

The division of property will also be painful. The sociopath strives to ensure that his wife gets nothing. Therefore, he can sell off his property in advance, re-register it to someone else, and triple down on a low-paying job.

They steal

When a psychopath abandons a victim, he very often steals. Therefore, the first thing you need to do is to protect yourself and your things immediately, and most importantly, secretly.

Psychopaths love to take things just to tell others, “I was there!” They often want to get last-minute money for a car, a credit card, and ideally leave you naked and barefoot.

They steal DOCUMENTS AND MONEY.

Are they really stealing everything? Every time? If that's what they want, yes. They have no conscience, guilt or feelings of love. They are criminals and very evil, so it is better to protect yourself in advance than to suffer tragically later.

Types of Dissocial Disorder

Sociopathy can be classified according to several criteria.

Psychiatrists distinguish the following types of dissocial disorders, depending on the severity of symptoms:

Active sociopaths usually tend to feign normality, superficially observing social norms, only in situations where it can be advantageous. The rest of the time, they can calmly violate generally accepted rules of behavior in society, acting exclusively in their own interests. It is this category that includes repeat offenders and serial killers.
Passive sociopaths usually have a calmer personality, and their actions do not shock anyone. At the same time, they are guided in life by external ideals (for example, religious dogmas or political beliefs brought to the point of fanaticism). This type includes domestic tyrants, inadequate bosses and other people with whom there is a chance to encounter much more often than representatives of the active type.

Some psychologists place high-functioning sociopaths in a separate category, capable of subtle manipulation of others, able to adapt to moral standards and observe public decency. By nature, such people may openly despise the foundations of society, but their behavior expresses this to a lesser extent.

As a rule, these are individuals endowed with high intelligence; they often give preference to what they love, to which they treat with maximum dedication. Some experts classify such individuals not as sociopaths, but as schizoids, or speak not of a personality disorder, but of an accentuation of character.

Checklist for protection

Here is a list of things that definitely need to be protected. Yes, breaking up with a psychopath is that serious. Put everything on this checklist in a safe place: a friend's place, your workplace, or a safe.

First, everything that we perceive as important or valuable to ourselves is at risk. Whatever comes to mind first is what it is. If he knows you value it, protect them.

Psychopaths often rummage through your things during a breakup.

Need to hide or securely lock:

Valuable jewelry made of gold, silver, precious stones.
Anything they can pawn or sell.
Cameras, laptops, phones - anything that is easy to pick up and take away.
Photos of the two of you. Including evidence of his abuse.
Documentation. Make copies of everything you can for yourself and your child, and then
together with the originals, securely remove them from your home.
Passports.
Birth and marriage certificate.
Mortgage papers.
Vehicle registration.
Car insurance.
Credit card information, statements and all numbers.
Bank account information.
Stocks, bonds, CDs, all banking, investment or monetary records.
Immigration documents.

When breaking up with a psychopath, change all passwords, PIN codes and logins.

If you have additional keys to your house or apartments, give them to a trusted friend for safekeeping.

Write down the numbers or better yet, take a photo:

Sociopath's passport, ID cards, driver's license, credit cards.
Bank or credit card statements.
Receipts, photographs or copies of money transfers from or to him.
If you have a car, write down its license plate number, make and model. Keep photographs of his face in case you need to identify him to law enforcement.

Organize your support

Because you will need it. You should find a professional - a psychologist, lawyer or doctor - who has experience dealing with psychopaths. You will need someone who will be on your side, helping you maintain mental and physical health, because if the psychopath is not willing to let you go in peace, really ugly things will happen. You may think that your friends will be a good source of support for you...it will be a complete surprise to you that if your psychopath saw this coming, he or she may have already worked with your friends, spreading false stories about you, so that the time you contact them... they will be sure that of the two of you, it is you who is the psychopath (although, of course, they will be afraid to tell you about it to your face). So your friends, of course, can be the best support system... unless your psychopath has already worked with them and released a dose of poison towards you.

Protect yourself

Protect your assets. Psychopaths completely drain their victims, and this is not only about the emotional state, but also about everything else that you have, including money, power, social status or reputation, as well as any other property. If a psychopath sees you as a threat to his prosperous existence and an obstacle to manipulating other people, he will strive to destroy you and will watch with ecstasy as you lose everything step by step. And the point here is not that he or she wants to take over your things or status; they are simply obsessed with the desire to see you completely destroyed and stripped of everything you had. They demand that you pay exactly this price for not allowing yourself to be persecuted anymore. Don't let them take everything from you. Do what you can to save at least something of what you have... of course, if it is not too late.

If you want to save your job, contact your boss and let them know that you are in a relationship with a vindictive and lying psychopath, and that you are taking steps to get out of this relationship and cut off all ties. This is a true preventative measure, because the psychopath will try to deprive you of your job. This is the usual revenge of a psychopath, which is always expressed in such an attack. If management is warned about this, they will be less likely to believe new information that begins to appear to them. For example, that you received bribes at work, engaged in theft, used or sold drugs, spread rumors discrediting your superiors, shared confidential information about the company with competitors, and so on, and so on. Regardless of the specific content, all stories of this kind will sound very plausible (down to the smallest detail) and will be aimed at discrediting and firing you.

As soon as the psychopath begins to understand that you are avoiding him, not communicating and not spending time with him, if he feels that it has become more difficult to manipulate you, he will certainly begin (if he has not already started) to throw mud at you; especially if he understands that you suspect that he is a psychopath. Sometimes - and such cases are quite rare, when if your relationship for a short time was limited to only light flirting and did not have time to develop deeper - a psychopath may not see you as a threat to continue manipulating other people, and therefore will allow you to simply disappear from his life and eventually just let it go.

No contacts

Consider registering a new mailbox and redirecting all your mail there.
Passwords, PIN codes and logins - change them all.
If possible, block him or her on social media so that he or she no longer sees your activity.
We won't be able to see them either, which will prevent the psychopath from showing off his new relationship.

You must stop all contact with the psychopath. Of course, this is easier said than done, and the difficulty of breaking ties depends on your level of involvement.

If the relationship was casual, then breaking up may be easier. Deciding to stop communicating with a psychopath is the first step, but it alone is not enough to actually reduce all communication and interaction with this predator.

How to protect yourself

It is also important that you take steps to protect yourself at all stages of the divorce process.

As soon as possible, collect documents, photographs, cash, valuables and hide them in a place inaccessible to the psychopath. This could be a safe deposit box at a relative's or friend's home, or a rented safe deposit box.

Enlist the support of family and friends. Don't be afraid to ask them to help you. If someone offers to help, don't refuse! Rely on people for a while.

Rest often to keep your mind clear and relieve negative emotions. Sleep and walk more, surf the Internet less.

Why are sociopaths dangerous to society?

In the movies, a sociopathic and psychopathic person is a scoundrel who abuses innocent people. In reality, many people with this disorder are not violent. Instead of violence, they use manipulation and risk. They treat everything with composure and calculate every step. They know how to achieve what they want and are ready to go over their heads.

One of the main dangers of communicating with a sociopath is that you may find yourself a victim of manipulation. At the same time, you yourself will not even understand how and what happened.

Sociopaths are great con artists who are always pursuing some personal agenda because they are after love. This allows them to achieve their goals. To achieve what they want, they first mingle with the crowd. To do this, they learn how to behave in it - smile, say hello and seek recognition.