Why do exes come back, and is it worth giving a second chance? The psychologist explains

Intimacy

For some, sex is one of the components of a relationship, but for others, it is the most important component. And some men return to their former partners solely because they have not found another girl with whom it would be just as good in bed. If for some women a union built purely on sexual relations is unacceptable, then for others it is more than satisfactory. For some, an emotional connection is important, but for others, male libido and the ability to use it to their advantage are enough to be happy.

This difficult life together

One of the reasons why men leave their significant other is that they are disgusted with their everyday life. The flower-candy period has ended, the partner in a dressing gown and without makeup does not look so attractive, romance is gradually giving way to everyday worries. A man wants romantic adventures, so he has a mistress on the side - seductive, sexy, desiring him. But after a short time, the womanizer lacks ordinary human warmth and care. He wants to return home, where a warm dinner and a loving wife await him. A reassessment of values occurs, and the man makes an attempt to return to his previous partner. Then it all depends on the woman. Someone will listen, understand, forgive, and the relationship will become even stronger and more reverent. Someone will point to the door, and someone will have a new partner during the absence of an unfaithful friend.

What to do if your ex-husband returns

The main thing is not to show your interest in a man. Cold indifference in such a situation is the best thing you can do. Don’t agree to a personal meeting, he must understand that you no longer need it. The meeting will mean that you have something to say and it doesn’t matter how you present it. Leave the fire of his ego without wood.

Usually, after parting with a woman, a husband or lover quickly calms down. He is sure that he is a male, that he is happiness for any free woman, and as soon as he becomes free, the best representatives of the fairer sex will begin to fight for him. There is simply no point for him to suffer over lost love, because there is a bright future ahead and single women awaiting his freedom.

“So don’t let anyone get you!”

Injured pride and the desire to take revenge on an ex-girlfriend can also push a man to try to re-conquer the woman he abandoned. Seeing his former passion happy with another, a lonely man feels insulted - “she quickly forgot me, how can that be, I’m so wonderful.” He wants to prove that he really is the most beautiful, the best, the very best. Calls, courtship, and attempts to win the woman again begin. But - attention! He proves his superiority and dignity not to his former passion and not to her new gentleman, but exclusively to himself. His goal is not to win the woman back, but to upset her new relationship. To take revenge for your hurt pride.

Why does your ex want to come back?

Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:

He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.

A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.

We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.

Nostalgia for the past

And one more situation. An ex-man, lonely and free, suddenly appears in a woman’s life - by email, by phone or on the doorstep with a bouquet of flowers. Over a cup of coffee or a glass of elite wine, an unexpected guest begins to remember past relationships, how good it was together... Perhaps, if the woman is also single or is going through a crisis in her family life, nostalgic memories will continue in the bedroom or hotel room. But the chances of renewing the relationship are minimal. Most likely, a lonely man is looking for tenderness and affection, so he calls or visits all his ex-girlfriends, hoping to get what he wants from at least one of them.

There are many stories of ex-men returning. But a man is not a boomerang, and may not return. Therefore, girls experiencing a breakup should not look at what happens to others, but live their own lives. Indeed, along with the statement “what has passed cannot be returned”, there is another – “if it’s yours, it will definitely return.” This also applies to men.

Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion

Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.

And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.

Don't rush to accept your ex-boyfriend

In any case, the ex will make attempts to restore the relationship. They usually do this via SMS, calls or messages on social networks. If he calls or writes, try not to show your feelings, get offended or throw a tantrum. Since the decision was not easy for the beloved and it took him a lot of courage to contact you.

Therefore, be calm and try to communicate positively. Do not remember the past and mistakes of your loved one. You should have done this during the separation period. And if you rub his nose into his unsuccessful past again, you will only indicate to him that you do not believe in his sincere desire to make peace.

Why exes come back

It’s very simple - all decisions must be made with a cool head. Emotions are not the best advisors in such situations. That is why psychologists unanimously advise, upon learning about your husband’s infidelity, the first thing to do is:

take a time out
think and weigh
and only after that decide what you should do.

In cases of separation, advice like “Follow the first call of your soul!” does not work. If I followed the first call of my soul, all my exes would be in local traumatology. Thinking is very useful! This is a wonderful skill to teach your daughters. Before you say or even do anything, think!

So, when emotions subside, reason comes first. And the exes too. And the former, who until recently was relevant, realizes that due to his own stupidity he lost:

Secrets of male psychology

Guys deliberately enter into serious relationships. Fleeting romances of a day/two/week are not of much importance to them. They clearly understand what kind of partner is needed according to today’s emotional background and life circumstances. The dissimilarity of male and female thinking gives rise to many conflicts. If the weaker half gives priority to feelings, experiences and words, guys prefer to act rather than conquer and convince with verbal arguments.

Often, the initiators of breaking up long-term serious relationships are girls who find it emotionally easier to cope with the current situation. It is not common for men to notice details, trifles, analyze the behavior, and mood swings of their beloved halves.

Do exes come back?

Sometimes it happens that a man and a woman break up. Often the initiator of a break is the stronger sex. It's easier for him to deal with it. A woman needs more time and effort to get back on track.

There are frequent cases when she already forgets her beloved, he appears on the horizon. Many sexologists claim that this happens due to a sense of ownership and hunter instincts. This happens if he has not met a new love or is disappointed with her.

Why do exes come back? Psychology

Psychologists have identified several reasons why exes come back when you are no longer expecting them.

Lack of a new passion. A person needs love. The monotony in a relationship bores both partners, but due to their natural selfishness, they can simply turn around and leave. But why do men return to their exes? This behavior consists of the following: he took a walk, compared, and realized that he was in a hurry with the breakup.
A sense of ownership. The appearance of a gentleman and the resulting jealousy is the motive for the return.
Experiment. He leaves, then returns, again provoking a break. He wonders if she will accept him again.
Naivety. Having lived his life with one woman, an aging womanizer meets a young nymph, to whom he leaves his faithful life partner. He is convinced that his young partner is interested in his intelligence, potency, appearance, but not his finances. When he understands how things are, he returns to his abandoned wife.
Sex. Male psychology has proven that sex in marriage comes first for the husband. If you don't get what you want, a break occurs. He satisfies sexual needs on the side and calmly returns. Sometimes the wife doesn’t even know about the man’s infidelity.
Call of Duty. The abandoned woman begins to have psychological and financial problems, and he returns.
Love for children. The children ask dad to return to the family.
Yearning. They return to their abandoned passion because they begin to yearn for their wife and their life together.
Appearance. The beloved ceases to suit her externally. When she finds the reason for leaving and puts herself in order, he returns.
Love. Parting gives him a chance to realize that he loves this particular woman and life without her is not sweet.

Why do husbands return to their ex-wives?

Why do men return to their ex-wives? Why ex-husbands return, the psychology is that after a divorce he may begin to miss his wife and wants to return. In such cases, husbands seek reunification if:

He is guilty and wants to be forgiven.
Wants to prove his importance to his wife.
He loves his wife very much.
They miss their children.

Here are the reasons why ex-husbands return to the family.

Why ex-men come back

Those who come back are those who realized that without their beloved it is bad. Some men need time to understand that their abandoned lover is dear to him. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to rush, but to give him the opportunity to sort out his feelings himself.

Why do ex-lovers return? The reason for this may be simple jealousy. Even in separation, he continues to monitor the life of his ex, scaring away his rivals. He transforms again into an attentive gentleman and a sensitive lover.

In many cases, the desire to return is driven by comfort. He was accustomed to the comfort of home, clean clothes and delicious food.

There are many reasons why men always return to their exes, but sometimes it is difficult to understand his true motives. Sometimes a woman, refusing to accept a prodigal husband, makes the right decision, and sometimes she makes an incorrigible mistake. The main thing is to listen to your heart and not let it manipulate you. Before reuniting or parting forever, you need to think and weigh everything.

"I'm not guilty. He came himself"2

But there are such “unhappy” moments when only he alone, (even if abandoned by her) will be able to console and pat her on the head exactly the way she loves and wants. Only he is the only one.

The reason is the sensuality of the partners. The couple breaks up, but the sensual connection remains between them forever. They don’t communicate for years, and then unexpectedly their eyes meet - and she understands that he was sent by heaven itself.

Well, you can indulge yourself with such illusions or justify it with an emotional breakdown. But the fact remains that things done in the heat of the moment often torment one’s conscience for many years. If there is no feeling of guilt, then everything may be done correctly. But this is only in relation to herself. For an existing partner, this will always be considered cheating.

The male scenario for the development of such events is typical for creative people who store images of people and attach vivid emotions experienced to them.

Why and for what reason exes come back

As they say, you cannot step into the same river twice. Everyone knows this saying. But at the same time, life proves that sometimes this still happens, and more often than you might think. For example, quite often we return again and again to some past stages of our lives. So, often men and women return to people with whom they had a family in the past

. What pushes us to return to our former partners and how many chances are there to mend relationships that have previously been torn to shreds? Psychologist's opinion:

Sometimes you can hear conversations like this: “he left her, and after a while he came back, she had a good time, and then came back to her husband...”. It is very easy for strangers to talk about this, but rarely does anyone realize that in fact all this hides a deep drama behind it. After all, for people to leave or return, there must be serious reasons. And it is difficult to imagine how much mental strength a person must exert in order to forgive his former partner for betrayal.

The main problem with which people come to a psychologist for help is that they simply cannot re-establish relationships with their ex-husband or wife who wants to return to the family. These people are tormented by the question of whether they should forgive and accept their partner back or not. This decision is very difficult, and in order to make it, you should first find out the reasons why your partner decided to leave you and why he wanted to return to you.

Reason number 1.

Your partner needs a temporary break. After being alone with himself for some time, he realized that he really needed you and decided to come back.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among all the options, this is the most harmless. In this case, the person does not leave his family in order to build a relationship with a new partner, but simply wants to be alone for some time and think about his relationship. Similar relationship crises can happen to anyone.

Reason number 2.

Your partner does not like your marriage, and he decided to leave you to find another partner for himself, but he did not succeed, and then, in order not to be completely alone, he decided to return to you again.

Psychologist's opinion:

Such behavior will not solve the problems that have arisen. If there are certain problems in a marriage, they will not be solved on their own after the wife or husband wants to return to the family. Therefore, you need to think about what exactly needs to change in the relationship. And only in this case will there be a chance to save the family.

Reason number 3.

The new partner turned out to be worse than the previous one.

Psychologist's opinion:

When a partner breaks up his marriage and begins to build a relationship with a new wife or husband, it is quite possible that this will result in disappointment for him. For example, the first wife always pampered him with delicious pies and other dishes, but the new wife, besides sex, cannot offer anything else. And good sex is not the only condition for a good marriage... there are also cases when, after some time has passed from the start of a new relationship, it turns out that a new partner is interesting to date periodically, but he is absolutely not suitable for living together. As a result of all this, a person understands that he was much better off with his previous partner.

Of course, in such a situation we can hardly talk about feelings; this, most likely, can be called a consumer position. It is up to you whether you agree to reunite with your “Prodigal” partner, but one way or another, do not expect your relationship to be the same as before.

Reason number 4.

The partner is pushed to return to the family by a sense of duty when special circumstances arise. For example, difficulties arose with children, a previous partner became seriously ill, etc.

Psychologist's opinion:

On the one hand, it’s not at all bad when a person believes that he is responsible for his children and ex-marital partner. But at the same time, one must remember that in this case he is also not guided by feelings. He is driven by duty. Naturally, you can accept your ex-partner back, agree to his support, but at the same time you will feel that he will no longer be able to be completely yours, as he once was.

Reason number 5.

A partner who has divorced is not ready for changes in his life.

Psychologist's opinion:

Over the course of some years of living together, you have already gotten used to each other, learned to put up with shortcomings, and become family. And family life with a new partner seems completely unfamiliar and foreign. As a result, after a while, longing for what happened before appears. It is because of the desire to return to a familiar environment that a person tries to return. But the fact is that even if he is accepted back, this does not mean that after a while he will not want to leave again. Moreover, after some time, leaving and returning will become his way of life and it is possible that he will live with two families at the same time. If this happens, then he needs to be given an ultimatum: he must once and for all decide which of his families he chooses, with whom he wants to stay.

Reason number 6.

You used to be husband and wife, and then you separated. Now that some time has passed, you are older, you have new goals in life, and you realize that you want to get back together.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among other options, this one is quite acceptable. At a young age, people can break up due to everyday problems, quarrels due to emotional temper, lack of specific goals in both partners or in one of them. People can meet again when they have decided on their life values, solved material, everyday and housing problems, and formed as individuals. It is possible that after this meeting an even stronger attraction will appear than before, and all grievances will simply disappear, as people will understand that in the past they were simply mistaken. In this situation, there are good chances to start the relationship from scratch.

One way or another, before you agree to take your ex back, you should have a serious conversation with him about your relationship. How strong your marriage will be depends on the efforts that you and your partner will make for this.

How did you break up

It is very important how exactly you broke up. Personally, I am deeply convinced that in any, even the most difficult and difficult situation, you can remain on top and “save face.” Even if you unexpectedly returned home and found an unfamiliar woman in your dressing gown in the kitchen, drinking coffee from your cup, and the items of her clothing scattered in disarray in the bedroom leave no possibility of doubting what recently happened here, it is not at all necessary to grab her by the hair and drag him down the stairs. For at least three reasons:

there is no need to inform your neighbors about the difficulties in your family;
the girl may turn out to be stronger and you will not be able to cope with her;
a lot of honor for the girl, and even more so for your husband. There will be no concert.

However, there are a lot of people in the world - both women and men - who like to leave smoking ruins behind them. If you are one of them, well, it’s your business and your choice. Pour boiling water over your husband, throw his computer out the window, drag the girl down the stairs by her hair extensions, and so on. Just keep in mind that in this case, most likely, you won’t have to think about why your ex came back and what you should do with him now. However, it is possible that his return was not part of your plans.

If, after seeing the girl off with a smile and inviting her to “come in if anything happens,” you calmly inform your husband that he no longer lives in this house and help him pack his things, it is quite possible that after a while, when the resentment and disappointment pass, you can continue to communicate. And there is nothing surprising in this - frankly speaking, this is nothing, an everyday matter. You may not believe me, but 70% of women had girls in their kitchens in their dressing gowns and drinking coffee from their mugs. These women simply did not return home unsuccessfully.

Therefore, choose between the options: “Bastard, I don’t want to see you anymore, so that you die along with your creature!” and “I think you should leave, I don’t want to see you” only you can. It depends on your upbringing, temperament and the situation in general. After all, it is possible that you came home from your lover when his wife suddenly showed up in his apartment. Then you could be more lenient towards this unfortunate girl - you were just in exactly the same place.

What should a woman do if she wants a man to return?

After a period of emotional distress, pouring tears into the pillow and several evenings spent in the company of girlfriends, discussing which guys are ungrateful, a stage comes when something needs to change. Whether men return after a breakup mainly depends on the woman's attitude - what measures will be taken and what result will follow.

The first thing to do is take care of yourself. Left alone, a woman gets a little more free time, which should not be spent bursting into tears, reveling in her own grief and complaining to everyone she meets about her tragic fate. This period can be perfectly filled with useful activities. First of all, calm down, listen to yourself, understand what you want and not what you need. It's time to love your nature. This is where building healthy and happy relationships with people around you begins. A woman who values and loves herself will definitely attract a worthy partner.