Don't want to waste your time on a hopeless romance?
Read the article to the end and find out:
- what signs indicate frivolity of intentions;
- why he doesn't want to invest in a relationship.
And most importantly, get a ready answer to the question: “What to do if a man says he’s not ready for a relationship?”
Where to start: the first reason
First, you should look at the person you have chosen as your soulmate. Why was he attracted to you, what are his strengths and why does he not want a relationship with you?
If a man is young enough, then the reason for his frivolous attitude may be inexperience and the desire to find a potential wife among a wide variety of women of his age. In simple words, such a boy has not yet worked up. But bribes from them are fine if they immediately warn you that they do not want a serious relationship. And they will even be glad if you do not have false hopes and do not have romantic feelings for them.
Trying to change such a man will lead nowhere. The solution to this problem is time. If you are ready with all your heart to love this person for a long time, then perhaps someday it will bear fruit. Leaning on such a person and annoying with your feelings is a direct path to rejection on his part.
Looking for Barbie
Mass culture shapes our consciousness from childhood and influences our choice of partner in adulthood. Our generation of men was brought up in a culture of sexualization of the female body: a girl with an ideal figure and long hair in a micro bikini appeared everywhere - from music videos and magazine covers to advertising for detergents, personifying the female image desired by a man, and porn and erotic magazines that served men textbooks on sex education, demonstrated standards of beauty that do not exist in the real world. Thus, men have been instilled with an inhumane attitude towards female sexuality, which not only forces them not to stop searching, but also to criticize without shame the “imperfect” female heels .
What happens when he doesn't hold on and doesn't let go
First, let’s understand what “doesn’t let go” means. Did he handcuff you to the radiator? No? Then you don’t need to take the phrase “he won’t let me go” so literally. Maybe the reason is you. And you are the one who doesn’t want to leave him and always finds a reason to stay with him. But he’s happy with everything, and he doesn’t want to change anything.
It often happens that the reason for such a situation is precisely a woman who is not ready to let go of a man. And he just lives his normal life, and from time to time he remembers you. And then only when you do not appear on his horizon for a long time. When you meet, he showers you with compliments and says that he really needs you. That's all. From what she hears, the woman relaxes and resumes the relationship.
Somewhere there will definitely be greener grass
Men are accustomed to the fact that society gives them much more time to find a permanent partner than women, without bothering them with either the biological clock or the old maid complex. Today they can use this “bachelor credit” to the fullest on dating sites, which turn this task into an endless process, where, like on Tinder, one beauty in the photo is immediately followed by another, and so on until the thumb gets tired or the battery on the phone will not run out. As a result, settling on just one seems like a simply impossible task: you open the application, and more and more new options are waiting for you.
Common phrases by which you can understand that a guy does not want a relationship
It doesn't happen often that a guy says he doesn't want a relationship. As a rule, he finds thousands of excuses (sometimes made up) and does not speak directly about his reluctance. Not all women can understand the essence of such words, while continuing to hope for a common future. In order not to build false hopes, it is worth finding out in advance what phrases can signal an unpleasant outcome. These are:
Money and ambition
From childhood, men are taught to play and win, so when they reach adulthood, they perceive the career ladder as a competition in which they must win - one day become a big boss or the owner of their own business. Work drags on and takes up all your free time, but you can’t stop so easily, because, if you believe the gossip columns, you’re far from cool until you have your own yacht or at least a cozy loft.
How to behave as a woman
The man you love said that he doesn’t want a serious relationship, but wants ease and communication without obligations... Well, at least he said - at least your further behavior will be meaningful.
Yes, this is bold, frank, but how to react to such words? How to behave and are such statements normal? Such phrases are unpleasant, but acceptable in a relationship, because they immediately show you the cards. Your job is to figure out what to do with these cards.
The first step is to have a serious conversation on this topic. Find out - he doesn’t want it at all or right now? If now, limit the time frame. For example: let’s meet (live) like this for 3 months, if nothing changes, we’ll have to break up. This is how the companion makes it clear that she refuses to waste time. This strategy is perfect for those situations if the couple already lives in the same territory or the chosen one is too young in age.
If your partner is repulsed by your behavior, find out what exactly irritates him. As soon as a woman rationally approaches this issue and begins to change, the man’s attitude towards her will change. He will see that you are interested in him, value him, value him, and this is the main thing.
If your chosen one is with you due to the lack of another woman, tell him honestly that you are ready to become his faithful and devoted companion, but in the case of a normal relationship. You will not allow yourself to be used. This will make him look at you with different eyes. Believe me, after this, respect for you will increase by 200%.
If a man ignores a serious relationship because he is fixated on himself, either accept him as such, be a shadow and a faithful companion, or become like him. Just match the image of the queen.
If you are just with an indecisive man, know that this will be the case all your life. There is no need to talk here, you just have to take everything into your own hands. Write an application to the registry office, buy him a suit, choose a vacation spot. Exaggerated, but honest.
Is it necessary to talk and work on relationships in all cases? There are times when you need to run without looking back. These are situations when a man is guided by selfish motives, if he is a typical womanizer or a neurotic person. Believe me, in these cases the chances of a serious relationship are zero.
Phrase No. 1
“It’s a shame, I saw potential in you and I’m sure that together we could achieve more.”
The phrase is ideal when you are working together on a common project, even if it is a project for your future life together.
Men do not like to leave ambitions and potential unfulfilled, and therefore your words will touch your beloved to the quick.
But don't expect him to immediately rush to apologize. The man has a serious decision to make, and therefore you will have to wait. The words he heard had already created doubts in his head.
When he once again spins the phrase about achievements and potential in his head, his masculine nature will not let him just take it and miss the opportunity to achieve an enviable result.
Therefore, if you and a man are not only lovers, but also colleagues, business partners, or two people with developed pragmatism, you should talk about love in a more down-to-earth way, at least for a while.
How to spice up your relationship
Revitalizing a relationship is a great job. It should be carried out only if love really reigns between people. Therefore, recognize in time what it is: fear of entering into a serious relationship or reluctance? If a man avoids spending time with you, has become cold in bed, gets angry, argues and argues for no reason, has become secretive, then, alas, you are dealing with indifference. Then it will be a completely different story.
If the relationship is simply frozen in place, be patient. Patience is the most basic quality that you will need now. You must become wise, which means patient, pliable, sexy, sincere, forgiving, faithful and stable.
The first thing you need to understand is that it is impossible to change an adult man. You can adjust his attitude towards something, but nothing more. Therefore, no reproaches - it hurts his self-esteem. Praise, admire, support. Let him understand that he needs you. You are a ray of light, without which it is still dark for him.
Become emotionally independent of him. You will be sorry, hug, praise, but excuse me, you have to get up early tomorrow and it’s time for you to sleep. How can you do this to him, the center of your universe? Well, that's it, you are a planet on your own. Then the man will want to get closer to you to prevent you from slipping away.
Agree with him more often. Smile playfully and agree. This will introduce a healthy note of interest and puzzlement. Just let it be in adequate situations, otherwise a violent scandal is inevitable.
And of course, always surprise him. Be unpredictable in a positive way: in sex, behavior, reactions, words, gestures. Let him want to get to know you. Being interested in you is the final step towards a serious relationship.
If a man is afraid of a serious relationship
Fears in adults do not form out of nowhere. If a guy doesn’t want a relationship only out of personal fears and doubts, then you have every chance of building a harmonious union. It just takes time.
So, if a girl is sure that there is love between them, but for some reason the young man is afraid to step forward, she needs to prove that they can be happy together. Prove not with words, but with deeds, behavior, attitude. There are several recommendations from psychologists on this matter.
The first, main step is to let him know that you are a mature ally. There is a category of girls who, for any reason, throw hysterics, scandals, cry, and get offended by little things. This behavior is incredibly frustrating and repels the male sex. Ladies mistakenly elevate themselves to the rank of bitches, but with such individuals, their fears of getting married only worsen. Try to moderate your ardor. Passion is great, but avoid being overly dramatic. Try to become a good friend for your partner, with whom he should have mutual understanding and trust. Then you can calmly discuss future relationships and existing fears. Talk and decide, of course.
The second step is to be a mature ally, but a vulnerable woman. Trust me, it's compatible. Start needing your man. Let him take care of you, take care of you, and give you positive emotions. However, without whims and instructions on what and how to do! He's in charge, so give him the helm. But for this to happen, you must first learn to please and surprise your partner. Start, he will be pleased, and he will definitely reciprocate.
The third step is to constantly develop yourself. A man is afraid not only of loud, hysterical women, but also of stupid ones. Your task is to always be interesting and exciting. The guy needs to see how unique a person he is. Then he will be completely absorbed in you, and will never want to let you go.
The last step is to have no inhibitions. A young man who does not want a serious relationship is afraid of losing his freedom. Show him otherwise! Let your man do what makes him happy. Let him go fishing, go out to a bar with friends, and tinker with his motorcycle on Saturdays. The main thing is don’t sit at home at this moment and don’t worry in vain, otherwise a scandal is guaranteed. Keep yourself busy with something interesting, let the fourth step remind you of this. Learn to trust him, because if a girl is still confident that her partner will run to the left, why are they together?
This only works when the reasons for the reluctance to enter into a serious relationship are fears. Then, step by step, you will cross the desired finish line.
Why doesn't a man want a relationship with a woman with a child?
In cases where a man starts a relationship, and even a serious one, with a woman whose children are quite rare, they usually prefer to avoid such situations, especially if the man himself does not have children. The first reason for this is that building relationships does not begin according to the usual scenario and instead of elevating the man to first place and giving him maximum attention, the woman’s priority is the child. This includes jealousy, misunderstanding and simple selfishness with the desire to receive the necessary dose of attention and care.
Even if a relationship has begun, it is built simultaneously not only with the woman, but also with her child, who is not possible to love as if he were his own; in addition, there is a constant fear that the child will not love and accept the man, and will accordingly influence the choice mother. To get involved in something like this means to bear a double amount of responsibility, and not everyone can say whether they want a serious continuation even with an absolutely free woman. In addition, the appearance of a common child, along with joy, in this case will also bring another crisis and tension in the situation.
If the child’s father is unknown, died, abandoned them before birth, then in a sense this brightens up the future, but if this is an ex-husband visiting his offspring, then the need to put up with this presence of many men plunges them into an inadequate state. The child constantly draws the mother’s attention to himself, while he needs to make friends with him, and also somehow withstand competition with his ex-husband, observing the line that the father is always more important than the newly appeared uncle. Dancing like this between all the lights, a man remains a man and the instincts to drive another away from his territory continue to work, so self-control may not always work. Situations can be of varying degrees of severity, but what men immediately see is a greater number of difficulties and responsibilities, a need for the manifestation of wisdom. Although if there is true love, then the relationship develops harmoniously and children become a wonderful part, and not a burden.
GuruTest
We have previously talked about how to assess the seriousness of a man’s intentions, but it is also very important to know that sometimes intentions and real actions are two different things. Be careful and be aware of the following signs that a man and a serious relationship are not compatible.
He doesn't consider the opinions of others
If a man stubbornly sticks to his line, showing everyone his rebellious character, this directly indicates that he is definitely not ready for a long-term relationship. The fact is that relationships are scales, on the scales of which there should be approximately equal weight. A man who doesn't listen to anyone will shift the balance in his direction.
Perhaps this is a truly experienced man, but in a relationship he will be unbearable. A woman will have to either resign herself and live according to his orders, or continue searching for her ideal man.
In general, such a man can be a great person and comrade, but he is simply not mature for a relationship. An interesting fact is that many men of this type have been in relationships many times, but each time the woman runs away in horror.
He was not fulfilled in terms of work
There is a separate type of man who can be 30, 40 years old, or even older, and they are still in search of a job, a favorite activity, the meaning of life, so they sit on the neck of either their mother or their woman. They do not have a job, or they do have one, but it is temporary and unpromising.
You shouldn’t have a negative attitude towards those who were wealthy but lost everything. These men will still succeed because they don't mess around. Anyone who has not realized himself in any way may turn out to be an extremely infantile person. Of course, in a relationship he will not be able to offer a woman anything good. A serious relationship with such a man will go downhill very quickly or will not begin at all, because he does not need it.
He's afraid to even talk about relationships
This is how twenty-year-old guys behave, but if a man in his thirties is afraid to talk about relationships, you should be wary. If he ignores various questions on this topic, it is better not to even count on a serious relationship with him.
Of course, he may not be ready to enter into a new relationship, but an emotionally mature person will say so. Adult and serious men are not afraid to talk about such topics - they honestly and openly state their position.
He is overly proud
When a person respects and loves himself, this is normal, but everything is good in moderation. If a man is a pronounced narcissist, then nothing will work with him in the long run.
Narcissists are pure egoists. Such a person does not see or hear anything that happens around him and does not concern him. Getting help or support from him can be almost impossible. Instead, he constantly pulls the blanket over himself - asks for something, sets conditions, ultimatums.
The problem is that such men do not know how to look at themselves from the outside. It seems to them that everything is in perfect order, that everything is as it should be. They accuse a woman of not doing something or doing something wrong. Their victim in this case feels helpless and feels an acute attack of guilt. Such men are not only not ready, but not created for relationships, so it is better not to communicate with them.
There are men to be wary of because they pretend they want a relationship but quickly disappear once they get theirs. We are talking about womanizers and pick-up artists. Always remember the three common tricks of pick-up artists so as not to become their victim and end up with nothing.
Our Yandex.Zen channel always has the most interesting articles on this topic. Be sure to subscribe!
05.08.2020 01:40
Analyzing myself
Before looking for a problem in your lover, you need to understand yourself. You need to think about whether you really want a serious relationship. If so, how does this manifest itself in behavior? Sincerity is important in this matter, since many women follow the example of their friends and, afraid of being left alone, try to marry the first man they meet. In fact, you should not rush in this matter, so as not to make a mistake that could ruin your whole life. A girl should listen to her own desires, and not follow the example of others.
