Treason is a very sore subject for many people, as it has taken place in their lives. Cheating with an ex is more painful, since the person who was cheated on already considers himself a part of the life of his loved one. And he, in turn, decides to return to the previous path of relationships. Or not to return, but simply to plunge once again into the memories of past years. And now the person is already asking the question “why do they cheat with their exes,” because I am better, smarter, kinder, richer. What is the reason then?
Cheating with your ex is like a time machine. It will allow you to plunge into hateful feelings and regain your former passion. The main thing is that it is not too painful or offensive in the morning. After all, the feeling of “you were used” goes along with betrayal.
"I'm not guilty. He came himself"2
But there are such “unhappy” moments when only he alone, (even if abandoned by her) will be able to console and pat her on the head exactly the way she loves and wants. Only he is the only one.
The reason is the sensuality of the partners. The couple breaks up, but the sensual connection remains between them forever. They don’t communicate for years, and then unexpectedly their eyes meet - and she understands that he was sent by heaven itself.
Well, you can indulge yourself with such illusions or justify it with an emotional breakdown. But the fact remains that things done in the heat of the moment often torment one’s conscience for many years. If there is no feeling of guilt, then everything may be done correctly. But this is only in relation to herself. For an existing partner, this will always be considered cheating.
The male scenario for the development of such events is typical for creative people who store images of people and attach vivid emotions experienced to them.
What to do if you cheated on your boyfriend and decided to tell him about what you did?
In cases of terrible emotional pressure, when there is no strength to restrain oneself or the risk of publicity is terribly great, many confess to their husbands of infidelity. There are several ways to smooth out the violent reaction of a man who suddenly finds himself in the role of a “cuckold”:
- We strongly do not recommend telling a guy about the details of an intimate relationship with his lover.
- Conduct the conversation in the softest form, without descending into hysteria and screaming.
- Some try to seek justification in their husband’s past or alleged misdeeds, throwing retaliatory accusations, which is extremely dangerous. Groundless reproaches will only anger a man and increase the risk of his inappropriate actions. If you want to save your family, it is better to immediately take responsibility for the betrayal on your shoulders, trying to beg for forgiveness.
- Try to find the most convincing motive for your infidelity.
- The main task is to convince a man of your love that the betrayal was an accident that will never happen again.
“My revenge will be terrible”3
Men know how to be offended, they store resentment deep in their souls. Most often, plans for revenge are born from such grievances, which work 100%. And it seems that they broke up without a scandal, the relationship was not spoiled, the feelings of guilt passed. It seems to the girl that everything is fine, she doesn’t owe anyone anything. Meanwhile, the offended partner waits for the offender who left him to improve his personal life.
And then, showering her with compliments and offering a friendly meeting, he puts his plan of revenge into action. Moreover, he can humiliate, insult and cause pain, trying to explain how he felt during the breakup. Of course, the reason for such betrayal is one’s own carelessness. Either the breakup contained an understatement, or the previous partner was not entirely adequate.
In women, such plans of revenge arise in their heads less often. On the contrary, they are trying to prove that everything will be better and cooler than with the previous partner. But it also happens that a plan for revenge arises in a cunning head and is executed according to the same scenario. And in the morning even men’s complexes can bring humiliation. Men do not tolerate being compared, and not in the best light.
What happens if you cheated on your boyfriend with your ex?
Close contacts with an ex often lead to stupid and even dangerous situations. The worst thing is if a man deliberately provoked you into adultery in order to quarrel with a new guy (spouse). In this case, you should expect imminent publicity of the details of the event. You need to figure out why you contacted your ex in the first place? Maybe the old love has not subsided, and breaking up with this person turned out to be a fatal mistake? Sort out your feelings and decide exactly who in reality is your real chosen one.
“Come back, I’ll forgive everything”4
A desperate attempt to get the relationship back. The ex can prove that he is better than the current choice. All arguments are used, the first, of course, is sex. Moreover, it will probably be at the highest level and with a romantic beginning, maybe even better than the candy-bouquet period of the past relationship.
The reason for such betrayal is the undying feelings of the partner, attempts to return a loved one. The couple had a reason for breaking up, and if it is not eliminated, then it will be “the same rake, only in profile.”
There is also a downside to this story. When you provoke your ex into sex. A girl, for example, having started a new relationship, comes to the conclusion that her ex was better. How else to apologize so that everything becomes clear. Or will they not apologize, but simply compare everything thoroughly again and weigh the pros and cons? This behavior is typical for both men and women. Everything is relative.
57% of women and 27% of men who cheated with their ex were in love with them. British Research Surveys.
Psychology of female infidelity
Often, girls commit such actions because of a sudden surge of feelings that they once experienced, which they later regret and blame themselves for what happened. If the girl does not plan to break off the relationship, then it is better not to tell her current boyfriend about the incident, because this could put an end to their union. It is better to leave everything as it is and never repeat such mistakes again.
There are different types of cheating, ranging from intentional to accidental. If a girl cheated on purpose, then most likely there is something that doesn’t suit her in her relationship with her current boyfriend. As a rule, this is the result of an unfinished relationship with a previous man. A girl may decide to take revenge on a guy for his betrayal with the same coin. Or betrayal is caused by still smoldering feelings in a woman’s heart.
This usually happens when a girl starts looking for new love too early.
After all, psychologists usually advise to rest for at least a year after the end of an unsuccessful relationship, to understand yourself and your feelings in order to avoid cheating with your ex.
Read more: Honesty and dishonesty: why people lie If the guy does find out about the betrayal, then it will not be easy to explain to him, and sometimes even simply impossible. Sometimes, even if a guy loves his girlfriend very much, he cannot forget the betrayal. He will suffer greatly from love and from resentment, but he will not be able to forgive. This is the worst thing in the case when for a girl it was a mistake and she really regrets what happened. If a guy has a different character and he simply idolizes his beloved and knows that he cannot live without her, then he will forgive, but will still remember this at the first opportunity.
A very difficult case when a girl cheated on her boyfriend with his friend. This is a double betrayal, as a result of which a man loses both his friend and his beloved. Only a few will be able to understand and forgive such a cynical act, so it is foolish to count on this for a girl who has taken such a rash step.
Show it to the guy6
Hey buddy, do you know why she cheated on you? Yes because you:
- I decided that she wasn’t going anywhere. That's your mistake. A woman must always be conquered, surprised, amazed. You don't have to throw endless parties, but if you took her to the cinema a year ago, expect her to find someone to watch the new movie with.
- Traded it for a job. It's admirable that you're trying to make a ton of money. But don't forget that all the money in the world is not worth your girlfriend. She, of course, wants a fur coat, a car, and some trinkets. But if you are “married” to your job and forgot about her birthday, then someone else will give her all these goodies. Yes, disappear in your office on weekday evenings, but on weekends, be kind enough to be with her. And never stay more than 15 minutes, don’t postpone going to a restaurant, even if you have the main contract signed. Just plan everything in advance. And if force majeure happens, then figure out how to brighten up her loneliness.
- Stuck in computer games. Tanks are cuter? Well then, she will 100% have a more pumped up tanker. While you are upgrading your virtual machines, there will be a real dude who will upgrade it with such body kits that your rating will fall below the baseboard. No offense, bro!
- Rogue. Heh, the question is, of course, controversial. With a cute one, heaven is in a hut, but only if there is a hut and a river nearby that has fish. So leave your “communist utopias” and let’s all make money together. Those times are gone, and now you can’t even give birth for free. Women always view a man as a provider. And if you can’t do the basics, then there will always be a more viable male.
- I walked to the left myself. Well, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Or did you think that you could, but she couldn’t? Fuck there. Your infidelity automatically removes all her obligations to you. So be offended only at yourself.
Covering our tracks3
Now let's think about how to save your soul. We need not only an alibi, but other things.
A one-time betrayal may not be considered at all. This either happened due to drunkenness or in a stressful situation. For example, I had too much at a corporate party, and now there’s a joint in the chief accountant’s office. The variant is so-so, but the essence is clear. The second situation is stress. I quarreled with my friend, got angry with him and decided to cry on the chest of a classmate. He consoled...
In such a situation, turn off your heart and emotions and turn your brain to full blast. First you need to think through everything a few steps ahead. Remember how you hid the fact of losing your virginity from your mother. Then, too, a grandiose plan was invented so that she would not guess anything. You can sleep under the following conditions:
- Second betrayal. Sleeping with someone twice is no longer an accident. This is a pattern. Since you go to meet a stranger again and again, then we can talk about establishing a stronger, spiritual connection. You may feel in love, you may become thoughtful and absent-minded. This change in behavior will not go unnoticed by your boyfriend. He will begin to look for confirmation of his guesses: correspondence, call details, things that appeared unexpectedly. Anything will attract his attention.
- Alibi. If you are scared now, you can easily get confused in the testimony. Always keep an eye on events. Remember where you went, who you talked to, who you saw on the day of the betrayal. Don't try to make anything up. Don't drag in a get-together at your friend's if you haven't been there and haven't seen her. Otherwise, the guy may just accidentally find out completely different things. Just tell me about your day, you didn’t spend all your time in bed with your lover. If you were gone all night, then it’s more difficult, but you can get away with it, for example, I was at my mother’s. Believe me, mom will always confirm your alibi, but then she’ll rip your head off. But it's better than getting pierced. And yes, if this is a conscious trip to the left, then it is better to warn your mother in advance. Then you will explain everything.
- Girlfriends. The ones who shouldn't know anything are the girlfriends. “A secret to the whole world,” do you remember this proverb? Girlfriends may blurt out this story to complete strangers, but they may know the guy personally. And a quarrel with them is fraught with consequences. They may tell you to spoil things.
- Stigma into the cannon. The one who is the most jealous cheats. It is truth. So, you shouldn’t turn into a fury and look for a guy’s infidelity. By playing an excessively jealous person, you risk getting into trouble and becoming an object of suspicion.
Don't tell everything down to the smallest detail.
Why:
The information you are being asked for now is not just information. Your partner is going through an attempt to connect two worlds: the former and the one that has opened to him. And it seems to him that you, knowing both sides, have the answers to all his questions.
But that's not true. You are now also not in the most stable emotional state, moreover (looking ahead), shame, guilt and anger are bad advisers. With each question, think through the consequences of the answer for all parties!
What to do:
To the question “Where does he/she live?” It is unlikely that you need to give the exact address; this information does not belong to your couple, but also to a third person - a lover or mistress. But the question: “How long did this last” or “How long ago did it end” - is just about the two of you. It can and should be answered.
Don't praise your relationship
Does this recommendation seem absurd to you? But many people do this, thinking to explain to their angry or upset half why this happened. “He was a great kisser,” “she took such touching care of me,” “you’ve gained weight, but she’s slim,” “you’re always at work, and he’s nearby...”
The meaning boils down to one thing: “In our relationship, I was missing something, and I borrowed the lack from the side.”
Refrain from making such excuses. No person can be reduced to any single characteristic: weight, age, character type. And not a single sign or lack thereof is an excuse for your choice. But such remarks can hurt easily and for a long time.
Don't devalue your relationship
Many victims receive a kind of relief when they hear that “she can’t hold a candle to you, I’m just attracted to variety / the demon has led me astray.” One of the painful questions at such moments is: what did he/she have that I didn’t have? Why is he or she better?
There is a great temptation to answer such questions: “nothing” - and begin to describe the imaginary and real disadvantages of the third party. Showing mercy? But in the long term, phrases like “she didn’t mean anything to me”, “it was a random partner”, “he can’t be compared to you” and so on do not help, because they do not explain why this insignificant person turned out to be you more interesting than your main relationship, and why did you go for it then.
And also because now your partner knows that you are capable of casual relationships. And also because one day, when things have calmed down, your partner will realize that you probably told the same thing to the other party.
What to do:
For example, answer: “It’s not about comparisons. It's about me."
