Why do exes come back, and is it worth giving a second chance? The psychologist explains

Why do men come back after a breakup? It is impossible to give a definite answer regarding the reasons for returning after a breakup, since it concerns the individuality of the intimate history of each unique relationship. However, the most common trends stand out. It happens that they come back after trying several other relationships, which gives the formation of an experienced understanding that the ex-woman is more suitable, and her importance increases. The everyday side of the issue also comes into play, making a man, satiated with romance and adrenaline, miss his organized life and his usual slippers. There is also full-blown jealousy, like a drive towards the past, and an inability to experience the new happiness of the former companion. Debt to children, reproaches from friends, image at work, paying off a mortgage, a feeling of shame, inadequacy in everyday life - everything can become a motive for returning. Although the most ethically correct reason why men return to their exes after a breakup is the presence of a desire to be together, due to mutual feelings and the same direction in life.

A woman faces a difficult choice about accepting back a man who wants to return. Such a passage of a crisis can give a new understanding of relationships, or it can take time and nerves, and the success of ending such an undertaking depends on the initial motives, efforts made and internal capabilities.

Why did you break up

I am sure that the first reason for returning is the circumstances of the separation. Everyone knows that you can break up in three cases:

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you “didn’t get along.” No matter how trite these words sound, they reflect reality very well - you are just tired. In the morning you are as cheerful as a sunbeam, and your beloved can barely open his eyes by lunchtime. You want company and communication with friends, but he wants to spend the evenings watching TV with beer. You love reading Dasha Dontsova, and he likes Murakami’s prose. You love to invite your girlfriends home and gossip with them over red wine, and he calls your get-togethers, which you need like air: “These fools are at it again.” And so on. In the end, quantity turns into quality, and one of you packs your bags;
you stopped loving him. Well, I fell out of love, and that’s all. Just yesterday his nightly snoring caused tenderness, but today I want to push him away and send him to his mother. Or somewhere else, just out of sight. You didn’t have any new men, you just really wanted to get rid of the old one. Or vice versa - the same feelings are experienced by your husband, who, it seems, just recently carried you in his arms and made coffee in the morning;
you have “another one”. And you, like an honest girl, do not want to deceive anyone and miserably break off the relationship, rushing into a new life with a new loved one. Or the same thing happens to him - he has “another woman”, he solemnly announces this to you and leaves for a new happy life. And you remain - covered in tears and lipstick;
a banal betrayal by one of you, which the other partner found out about and slammed the door in anger.

I'm not talking about exotic cases - a serious illness in one, when the other could not withstand the ordeal, the birth of a sick child, when you suddenly realize that only you need this unfortunate child, and your other half absolutely does not want to share this horror with you, mom husband who screams: “Either me or this rubbish” and threatens suicide.....

I’m now talking about average situations, which often boil down to breaking up with exes. Naturally, taking into account the characters, the specifics of relationships and the atmosphere of the family, different variations are possible, but the main themes look exactly like this.

Symptoms of a "broken heart"

The patient’s appearance is important: a sad facial expression, a minimum of emotions, a monotonous voice (without intonation), frequent changes in body position while sitting.

Many types of depression are often accompanied by gastrointestinal disorders, headaches, and body aches. The main symptoms of broken heart syndrome include:

lack of joy (anhedonia);
lack of energy (anergy);
negative personal evaluation;
guilt;
thoughts of suicide;
activity disorder;
sleep disorders;
appetite disorders;
loss or gain of body weight.

Depression becomes apparent if at least four symptoms from this list are identified simultaneously, and they persist continuously for a week. If the severity of the disease is not great, symptoms may regress spontaneously within a few days.

Divorce is always associated with stress and emotional problems. In many cases, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist. Thanks to appropriate therapy, it is easier to start a new stage in life and strengthen your self-esteem. However, when the first signs of depression appear, you should not hesitate, but seek the help of a psychologist.

Intimacy

For some, sex is one of the components of a relationship, but for others, it is the most important component. And some men return to their former partners solely because they have not found another girl with whom it would be just as good in bed. If for some women a union built purely on sexual relations is unacceptable, then for others it is more than satisfactory. For some, an emotional connection is important, but for others, male libido and the ability to use it to their advantage are enough to be happy.

What to do if your ex-husband returns

The main thing is not to show your interest in a man. Cold indifference in such a situation is the best thing you can do. Don’t agree to a personal meeting, he must understand that you no longer need it. The meeting will mean that you have something to say and it doesn’t matter how you present it. Leave the fire of his ego without wood.

Usually, after parting with a woman, a husband or lover quickly calms down. He is sure that he is a male, that he is happiness for any free woman, and as soon as he becomes free, the best representatives of the fairer sex will begin to fight for him. There is simply no point for him to suffer over lost love, because there is a bright future ahead and single women awaiting his freedom.

Why does your ex want to come back?

Every man who wants to reunite with his former passion has certain goals. Psychologists identify several main reasons that encourage exes to return:

He realizes that he made a mistake. Sometimes people make rash decisions, driven by emotions, and then regret their actions. Representatives of the stronger sex with high moral qualities most often return to ex-girlfriends. They believe that the chosen one will have a difficult time without him, and her life will become worse.
He was tired of loneliness. Having been a bachelor, the guy notes that delicious food does not appear on the table, the house is not cleaned on its own, and shirts are not washed or ironed. Being lonely, a man is forced to solve all everyday problems on his own. If the couple shared all expenses in half, then the desire to return may be due to commercialism.
Disappointment in other women. Some men are accustomed to seeing certain qualities in their life partner that they expect from new passions. However, not every woman wants to be a cook, mistress and cleaner all rolled into one. As a result, a person begins to suffer from a lack of attention and care. Therefore, guys often express a desire to return to their former passions.

A sense of ownership. In such a situation, even after breaking up, they continue to monitor the lives of their exes, because they do not want to put up with the loss of power. Realizing that the girl in whom he invested his time and resources may end up in the arms of another, the man returns.
If he quit on his own. Men rarely return to women they leave themselves. But if the girl who initiated the breakup beckons, then in almost all cases they return, despite the fact that they may have a new relationship.

We have common children. Many women wonder whether their ex-husband will return. If they have children, then this is a common story of husbands returning to their wives. However, without feelings for a woman, children cannot always become a decisive factor in the return of a spouse to the family.
Emotional pressure. There is a category of girls who can achieve anything they want with their tears. They begin to put moral pressure on their boyfriend, acting through his friends, relatives and acquaintances.
He managed to compare. The young man sees some shortcomings in his chosen one, and therefore decides to break up with her. But having started a relationship with another girl, he becomes convinced that his previous passion was much better. However, this does not always mean that the relationship can end with a happy ending. If on his life's path he meets a girl who meets his ideals, he will go to her.
Real love. It’s hard for people together, but bad for people apart. And the lovers once again quarreled and decided to separate. They start a new relationship, but at one point they break off all ties with new passions and return to their exes. This can only be explained by true love.

Advice from practicing psychologists

When girls are abandoned, they wonder why their lovers do not return to them after breaking up, and wonder what psychology says about this. Many young ladies make mistakes, become annoying, trying to often catch the eye of their former gentleman. They call, write messages, blackmail with children. You need to pull yourself together and let the man go with ease, because this will worsen the relationship.

After a woman is abandoned by her boyfriend, she begins to take care of herself, learns to cook, and maintain order in the house. These actions had to be performed at all times. To be able to accept him back and restore the relationship, you need to work on yourself.

There are many reasons for breaking up a relationship, objective and impulsive. Sometimes you can restore a relationship with a guy if he left. But in some cases it is better not to do this. Only with the desire of both partners and willingness to work on themselves will it be possible to renew the union.

Why men come back after a breakup - men's opinion

Initially, it all comes down to the fact that they are interested in how his former passion lives. And if there is nothing interesting in her life, then he may not appear in her life soon.

And if her personal life has improved or career growth has occurred, this arouses interest and indignation at the same time that he did not become a participant in such cardinal events in her life.

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If a couple has children, then the man considers it normal to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes such appearances can cross boundaries when he expresses a desire to stay overnight or asks to borrow money. Some even consider themselves entitled to kick out their ex’s new boyfriend, citing the fact that he is the father. On a subconscious level, they try to protect their offspring from the influence of another man.

Sometimes gentlemen decide to return because he does not want to start a new relationship and pursue another woman. With the ex, everything is simple, he knows all the approaches to her. In addition, some spiritual closeness pushes men to write or call their ex-lover when difficult life situations occur.

The ideal woman is one in two

Look at the funny kids in the sandbox. One little one comes out with a bucket and shovel, another with a dump truck, and a third with a tractor. But there is one selfish kid who roars endlessly, trying to take everything from everyone, because it would be convenient for him to pour sand with a shovel into a dump truck, make a road through the sandbox with a tractor and make Easter cakes with a bucket.

Or you've probably seen a bawling toddler in a supermarket, bending over in hysterics and demanding sweets, a jar of lollipops, a bottle of Fanta and a donut hole. He’s not happy that only grated pumpkin puree is tasty and healthy, but he can’t eat anything else. He wants to eat sweets and drink tasty drinks.

A man grows up, his whims stop, but the habit of “doing everything at once” remains. He would like to find the ideal woman, and he doesn’t care that he himself is far from this ideal. He marries the one who was more or less close to his desired standard, but then it started:

Everyday life began to kill love, especially since the couple encountered it for the first time.

Both have a “bull” character, young stubbornness rushes “from the nostrils” without concessions.

The wife is not so pretty without makeup, hair and casual clothes.

If the marriage did not immediately break up and got used to it over time, then the man will probably want to find another lady. Even if not an ideal woman on the side, then at least one who complemented his life with what he lacks. Like a dump truck and a shovel. Like puree and Fanta.

Having found the “missing half” of the whole ideal, he calms down. A typical situation is described in the article. But it often happens that the secret becomes clear, and a man has to make a choice, which is most often in favor of the family.

Time passes, and again life’s puzzles don’t fit: the man lacks the buzz that he had in a dual relationship. Quietly he sneaks back to his mistress, and if her feelings have not yet cooled down, then the romance continues. True, this time very carefully.

Why exes come back

It’s very simple - all decisions must be made with a cool head. Emotions are not the best advisors in such situations. That is why psychologists unanimously advise, upon learning about your husband’s infidelity, the first thing to do is:

take a time out
think and weigh
and only after that decide what you should do.

In cases of separation, advice like “Follow the first call of your soul!” does not work. If I followed the first call of my soul, all my exes would be in local traumatology. Thinking is very useful! This is a wonderful skill to teach your daughters. Before you say or even do anything, think!

So, when emotions subside, reason comes first. And the exes too. And the former, who until recently was relevant, realizes that due to his own stupidity he lost:

Do exes come back?

Sometimes it happens that a man and a woman break up. Often the initiator of a break is the stronger sex. It's easier for him to deal with it. A woman needs more time and effort to get back on track.

There are frequent cases when she already forgets her beloved, he appears on the horizon. Many sexologists claim that this happens due to a sense of ownership and hunter instincts. This happens if he has not met a new love or is disappointed with her.

Why do exes come back? Psychology

Psychologists have identified several reasons why exes come back when you are no longer expecting them.

Lack of a new passion. A person needs love. The monotony in a relationship bores both partners, but due to their natural selfishness, they can simply turn around and leave. But why do men return to their exes? This behavior consists of the following: he took a walk, compared, and realized that he was in a hurry with the breakup.
A sense of ownership. The appearance of a gentleman and the resulting jealousy is the motive for the return.
Experiment. He leaves, then returns, again provoking a break. He wonders if she will accept him again.
Naivety. Having lived his life with one woman, an aging womanizer meets a young nymph, to whom he leaves his faithful life partner. He is convinced that his young partner is interested in his intelligence, potency, appearance, but not his finances. When he understands how things are, he returns to his abandoned wife.
Sex. Male psychology has proven that sex in marriage comes first for the husband. If you don't get what you want, a break occurs. He satisfies sexual needs on the side and calmly returns. Sometimes the wife doesn’t even know about the man’s infidelity.
Call of Duty. The abandoned woman begins to have psychological and financial problems, and he returns.
Love for children. The children ask dad to return to the family.
Yearning. They return to their abandoned passion because they begin to yearn for their wife and their life together.
Appearance. The beloved ceases to suit her externally. When she finds the reason for leaving and puts herself in order, he returns.
Love. Parting gives him a chance to realize that he loves this particular woman and life without her is not sweet.

Why do husbands return to their ex-wives?

Why do men return to their ex-wives? Why ex-husbands return, the psychology is that after a divorce he may begin to miss his wife and wants to return. In such cases, husbands seek reunification if:

He is guilty and wants to be forgiven.
Wants to prove his importance to his wife.
He loves his wife very much.
They miss their children.

Here are the reasons why ex-husbands return to the family.

Why ex-men come back

Those who come back are those who realized that without their beloved it is bad. Some men need time to understand that their abandoned lover is dear to him. Therefore, psychologists recommend not to rush, but to give him the opportunity to sort out his feelings himself.

Why do ex-lovers return? The reason for this may be simple jealousy. Even in separation, he continues to monitor the life of his ex, scaring away his rivals. He transforms again into an attentive gentleman and a sensitive lover.

In many cases, the desire to return is driven by comfort. He was accustomed to the comfort of home, clean clothes and delicious food.

There are many reasons why men always return to their exes, but sometimes it is difficult to understand his true motives. Sometimes a woman, refusing to accept a prodigal husband, makes the right decision, and sometimes she makes an incorrigible mistake. The main thing is to listen to your heart and not let it manipulate you. Before reuniting or parting forever, you need to think and weigh everything.

Psychology says

Why do men come back after a breakup? Everything is primitive. The main reason for all returns is insight. That is, the understanding that you cannot find a better passion. Perhaps the ex met someone else, perhaps he tried to build a relationship, but the other one turned out to be, roughly speaking, “not a fountain.” She has a difficult character or bad habits, or even worse - she is bad in bed. This is where it turns out that finding a worthy replacement is not so easy. No, of course, it’s easy to find; it’s not easy to have a long-term relationship. After all, for this you need to adapt, adapt, learn better, and so on. For a man, this is a whole heap of problems.

Let's see what else will trigger your ex's return to your arms?

If a guy is not married, he may find himself under pressure from relatives: how long will you be single? Desperate, he will take it and return to you. At least for a while. To leave him alone.

The reason will also be a fear of loneliness or banal ordinary needs: no one to walk with, go to the cinema, to parties, etc. At one point he realizes that he was never as comfortable with anyone as he was with you.

Also - inspiration, praise, laughter from his unfunny jokes and most importantly - sex. If you can somehow live without the first three, then you can’t live without the fourth. But the former lover doesn’t want to have sex with just anyone - after all, he’s not an animal! Therefore, he returns to an already proven girl.

It happens that the reason is mistaken love. That is, during separation, the partner idealizes the image of his girlfriend (this often happens) and supposedly falls in love again. And it happens that, after talking with others, a guy “knows everything in comparison” and thinks that he can’t find anything better than you.

And, of course, true love. This is the most pleasant reason for a woman. And he left, for example, because he got a little confused:

In the heat of the moment he ran for the first short skirt (they tricked him, but he, the fool, fell for it!).
I decided to return to my wife and become an example (which turned out to be boring).

Don't flatter yourself. It’s not uncommon for an ex, especially a married one, to use the word love to hide the main reason they came back: sex. Perhaps you're amazing in bed? Well, or so it seems to the dear one after long, insipid years of family life. Unlike other lovers or spouses, you:

You are hungry for experiments.
Charge with adrenaline.
Think and act creatively.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Marriage agreement for a mortgaged apartment

The man also comes back because he seeks to get rid of moral pressure. If at home he is forced to report, listen and silently provide his brain for sawmill services, then with his beloved girlfriend it’s the opposite. And if you are one of those lovers who does not require meeting friends, going out together, getting married and having a child, then you are just a treasure for a married suitor. Don't be surprised that he doesn't want to break up forever.

Well, the last arguments on this issue:

You alone understood his pain. Maybe the guy has special personal problems that he confided only to you.

Jealousy. God forbid someone else will possess your ex.
Significance. He is pleased by the fact that you were waiting for his call. After all, they didn’t refuse.
Avoiding problems (any).

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Why and for what reason exes come back

As they say, you cannot step into the same river twice. Everyone knows this saying. But at the same time, life proves that sometimes this still happens, and more often than you might think. For example, quite often we return again and again to some past stages of our lives. So, often men and women return to people with whom they had a family in the past

. What pushes us to return to our former partners and how many chances are there to mend relationships that have previously been torn to shreds? Psychologist's opinion:

Sometimes you can hear conversations like this: “he left her, and after a while he came back, she had a good time, and then came back to her husband...”. It is very easy for strangers to talk about this, but rarely does anyone realize that in fact all this hides a deep drama behind it. After all, for people to leave or return, there must be serious reasons. And it is difficult to imagine how much mental strength a person must exert in order to forgive his former partner for betrayal.

The main problem with which people come to a psychologist for help is that they simply cannot re-establish relationships with their ex-husband or wife who wants to return to the family. These people are tormented by the question of whether they should forgive and accept their partner back or not. This decision is very difficult, and in order to make it, you should first find out the reasons why your partner decided to leave you and why he wanted to return to you.

Reason number 1.

Your partner needs a temporary break. After being alone with himself for some time, he realized that he really needed you and decided to come back.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among all the options, this is the most harmless. In this case, the person does not leave his family in order to build a relationship with a new partner, but simply wants to be alone for some time and think about his relationship. Similar relationship crises can happen to anyone.

Reason number 2.

Your partner does not like your marriage, and he decided to leave you to find another partner for himself, but he did not succeed, and then, in order not to be completely alone, he decided to return to you again.

Psychologist's opinion:

Such behavior will not solve the problems that have arisen. If there are certain problems in a marriage, they will not be solved on their own after the wife or husband wants to return to the family. Therefore, you need to think about what exactly needs to change in the relationship. And only in this case will there be a chance to save the family.

Reason number 3.

The new partner turned out to be worse than the previous one.

Psychologist's opinion:

When a partner breaks up his marriage and begins to build a relationship with a new wife or husband, it is quite possible that this will result in disappointment for him. For example, the first wife always pampered him with delicious pies and other dishes, but the new wife, besides sex, cannot offer anything else. And good sex is not the only condition for a good marriage... there are also cases when, after some time has passed from the start of a new relationship, it turns out that a new partner is interesting to date periodically, but he is absolutely not suitable for living together. As a result of all this, a person understands that he was much better off with his previous partner.

Of course, in such a situation we can hardly talk about feelings; this, most likely, can be called a consumer position. It is up to you whether you agree to reunite with your “Prodigal” partner, but one way or another, do not expect your relationship to be the same as before.

Reason number 4.

The partner is pushed to return to the family by a sense of duty when special circumstances arise. For example, difficulties arose with children, a previous partner became seriously ill, etc.

Psychologist's opinion:

On the one hand, it’s not at all bad when a person believes that he is responsible for his children and ex-marital partner. But at the same time, one must remember that in this case he is also not guided by feelings. He is driven by duty. Naturally, you can accept your ex-partner back, agree to his support, but at the same time you will feel that he will no longer be able to be completely yours, as he once was.

Reason number 5.

A partner who has divorced is not ready for changes in his life.

Psychologist's opinion:

Over the course of some years of living together, you have already gotten used to each other, learned to put up with shortcomings, and become family. And family life with a new partner seems completely unfamiliar and foreign. As a result, after a while, longing for what happened before appears. It is because of the desire to return to a familiar environment that a person tries to return. But the fact is that even if he is accepted back, this does not mean that after a while he will not want to leave again. Moreover, after some time, leaving and returning will become his way of life and it is possible that he will live with two families at the same time. If this happens, then he needs to be given an ultimatum: he must once and for all decide which of his families he chooses, with whom he wants to stay.

Reason number 6.

You used to be husband and wife, and then you separated. Now that some time has passed, you are older, you have new goals in life, and you realize that you want to get back together.

Psychologist's opinion:

Among other options, this one is quite acceptable. At a young age, people can break up due to everyday problems, quarrels due to emotional temper, lack of specific goals in both partners or in one of them. People can meet again when they have decided on their life values, solved material, everyday and housing problems, and formed as individuals. It is possible that after this meeting an even stronger attraction will appear than before, and all grievances will simply disappear, as people will understand that in the past they were simply mistaken. In this situation, there are good chances to start the relationship from scratch.

One way or another, before you agree to take your ex back, you should have a serious conversation with him about your relationship. How strong your marriage will be depends on the efforts that you and your partner will make for this.