10 reasons why you will never succeed in life

There have probably been times in your life when you had a great opportunity to take on a new project, get a good job, or do something you always dreamed of, but you lost this opportunity because of fear. What is it - fear of failure or success? In many cases this is the second option. We have enough experience, skills and knowledge, but we are still afraid to grab a great opportunity. Fear of success is a very common phenomenon in our society. Consciously or subconsciously, we stand still, unable to decide to achieve our goal. In our article we explore the nature of this phenomenon.

SLAVES OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM

This problem manifests itself in the deep-seated belief “I’m really nothing of myself” and a lack of self-confidence that does not change even under the influence of real achievements.
A person constantly experiences anxiety and devalues any of his successes, being confident in his heart that the results achieved are random and do not belong to him, “just lucky” and at any moment he can be exposed as a fraudster and “kicked out in shame.” His main internal problem is the inability to “appropriate” his results and achievements. A person constantly feels a deep experience of his own uselessness, unimportance, and inadequacy. He is sure that he is simply deceiving those around him, and this bluff can be revealed at any moment

In his distorted picture of the world, his own efforts and merits are in no way connected with the result. And hence the constant anxiety of making an irreparable mistake. Where did such Akaki Akakievich come from in the modern world?

As usual, the origins lie in early childhood. Most often, the parents of such a child demand too much from the child and rarely praise him. Having failed to realize themselves, parents begin to expect endless victories and rewards from their child, mercilessly criticizing and humiliating the child for every mistake. The child does not feel loved and “unconditionally accepted.” Often this situation is aggravated by a younger brother or sister, whom parents love “just like that”, without achievements. And as an adult, such a person endlessly tries to prove to dad or mom that he is capable of winning and is worthy of their love, and often breaks down.

People who come from a dysfunctional family or “from the bottom” often also feel like upstarts, whose achievements are dictated by a lucky coincidence of circumstances, and not by internal qualities and hard work.

This problem can be aggravated by any failures and setbacks that hit self-esteem.

It doesn’t matter if your loved one rejected you or fired you from your job, it often takes years to regain self-confidence after a fiasco.

PEDAL BOLDLY!

What to do if you find such signs in yourself?

Remember all the childhood episodes of parental criticism and dissatisfaction. What did your parents tell you? Now think about it. For a long time now, that young woman who dreamed of a first place for her little child in order to confirm her own importance as a good mother has not existed. You have the right to perceive your childhood achievements and failures differently. From the perspective of an adult, re-evaluate the victories and defeats of the little child you were. As a result of this work, you will allow yourself to make mistakes and not always be perfect.

Write on paper the story of your life successes and victories. List in detail absolutely everything, even the most insignificant achievements. Everything that may not be in the life history of other people. For example, passing an excellent exam, receiving a diploma, successful performance, winning a competition, promotion, a published article or an interview with you. Determine what exactly is your merit and your work, and what part of success is the result of luck. You will be surprised to discover that you have achieved almost everything in life yourself.

Get yourself a “notebook of achievements.” Every evening before going to bed, write down what successes and victories you had during the day. At first, it will be difficult for you to admit that much is achieved thanks to your efforts. Then you will begin to appreciate your own merits.

Give yourself permission to make mistakes. You don't have to be able to do everything and always know the right answer. Learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. Without failure, it is impossible to learn anything and achieve nothing. Think of your mistakes as feedback to help you understand what you need to do differently next time. Think back to yourself as a child - how many times did you fall before you learned to ride a bike? But if there were no falls, there would be no result. Start doing something completely new to you - dancing, an unusual sport, drawing. You will see how mistakes give a powerful impetus to achievements.

Take criticism calmly and be guided by the facts. Often negative remarks addressed to others are caused by envy or other internal problems of the critic. You don't have to believe everything you're told. Objectively evaluate how fair the criticism is, whether it corresponds to reality, and whether it does not distort the truth. Separate the critic's emotions and thoughts from the facts. Do you really need to worry so much about the opinions of strangers? Why should you be guided by the judgments of sometimes less successful and competent people?

Celebrate your successes. Be proud of yourself. Practice saying “Thank you” in response to compliments. I am very pleased that you consider me…” and repeat the compliment. Learn to brag about your victories. You really put your work and knowledge into the result achieved!

Thank the world for the rewards you have received. Your task is to enjoy these gifts, to feel pleasure from your achievements. Ask yourself the question: “Why do I need this?” – how you live your success is much more important than why you achieved it.

When it comes to success, few people realize that it can be feared and sabotaged. Think about it: do you have a fear of achievement? Do the exercises we suggest and come out on top. Why not?

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Reasons for fear of success

It is very difficult to talk about the reasons for uncertainty and changes in attitude towards success in the last, decisive minutes before achieving it. The reasons for fear vary from person to person. Both other phobias and living conditions, character, complexes influence. Psychological education also matters. Fear of success can arise due to:

Fear of hearing someone else's opinion. Life in society is impossible without communication. Simple conversations and advice from loved ones and friends leave their imprint on the subconscious. A person projects the thoughts and desires of other people onto himself. He constantly worries about whether his actions will satisfy others. All these thoughts are filled with anxiety and loss of complete control over the situation.
New worries. Having achieved what he wanted, a person finds himself in new conditions that require psychological adaptation. The conservative nature of thinking ignores achieving the best. It is easier for such people to give up success and maintain an established way of life.
Fear of unpreparedness for a new social role. People's goals and plans change when they make important decisions in life. When it is necessary to accept a new social role, some people find it easier to avoid it than to begin to solve the tasks at hand. Awareness of reality causes fear in a person, a feeling of imminent failure, etc.
Low self-esteem. People with such self-esteem live by established rules and perceive any success as something beyond their strength. Positive change for such people is a test for which they will never be ready.

The reasons for fear of success lie deep in the subconscious. According to psychologists, most of them originate in early childhood. When a child grows and develops, his psyche is formed, any little things can affect the ability to control his own thinking. Fear of success most often arises from family problems related to parental mistakes.

In some families, the relationship between parents and child is subject to strict rules. This may be adults’ condescension towards mistakes or constant criticism of the child on their part. The origin of fear arises due to the injustice of decisions, condemnations, etc. In adult life, fear of success can begin in a job where a person has failed. Failing an exam, interviews, undeserved criticism and other problems can break a person’s psyche.

Criticism from adults negatively affects children

Features of overcoming fear

Dealing with fears is individual. You can solve problems on your own or seek help from a psychotherapist. The specialist’s task is to determine the reasons for the fear of success and find ways to resolve them. Such fear does not pose any threat to human health, so therapy is limited only to psychological methods.

Treatment is based on instilling in the patient the benefits of success.

Independent work with fear is based on changing your own attitude towards things, yourself and your environment. Psychologists advise:

Forget about the problems that caused the development of fear.
Start acting without thinking about shortcomings and mistakes.
Believe in your strengths and capabilities.
Create comfortable conditions: make rearrangements, repairs, change the image.
Get out of your comfort zone every day: drink juice rather than coffee in the morning; choose from your wardrobe not jeans, but classic trousers, etc.

Working with fears requires analyzing your own actions and actions. Having realized his past mistakes, it will be easier for a person to make the right decision in the future. You can get rid of fear only by overcoming difficulties.

The two main fears of an entrepreneur: fear of failure and fear of success.

You have no idea how real the fear of success is. It is even more insidious than fear of failure. Fear of failure is easy to identify.

Fear of success is not conscious, it works on a subconscious level and ruins your chances of achieving your goals. Most people don't even notice it.

At the same time, when you set any goal, in 99% of cases it is accompanied by a fear of success.

Psychologists have studied this phenomenon since the 50s, but previously it was believed that women were more susceptible to such fear than men.

Later it turned out that men are no less susceptible to it (and maybe even more, since men more often set ambitious goals).

Causes of metathesisphobia

A successful person reaps the laurels of fame, everyone applauds him, respects him, he has a certain authority over others and a high status in society.
Perhaps many people have this idea of success. But everything is not as wonderful as it seems: success puts significant pressure on a person. With every victory, with every achievement, the demands on oneself grow, and expectations from the outside also grow.

How long can you withstand such pressure and remain honest and fair?
Or maybe there will be negative sides?

Often, for the sake of success, you have to give up many habits dear to your heart, devote little time to family and loved ones, forget about rest and entertainment. How do you like this side of the coin?

Fear of looking stupid

Very often people hesitate to do what they want because they are afraid of looking stupid. They think: “I’ll do it next time.” In fact, this is just another excuse that will be used again and again. We often act as if what we want to do is wrong.

Why not do it now? The answer lies in the fact that people are dependent on other people's opinions. They are so afraid of looking stupid that they deny themselves even basic desires. You need to believe in yourself more.

Some of the world's greatest decisions were accidental. Time after time, people have spontaneously deviated from their original plans and lost their way to success. Trust your instincts and know that you are making the right decision. You will look stupid if you do nothing.

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Fear of offending others

People must be bold in their actions if they are going to achieve their dreams. Many people are afraid of offending others with their self-promotion for fear that it will come off as arrogant. However, no one will recognize your talents until you show them. Unfortunately, you can spend your whole life waiting, watching your more arrogant and less talented colleagues achieve success.

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Psychology of fear

In one second, a person is exposed to millions of stimuli. But only a small part of them is perceived consciously. Which part exactly is decided by the brain. The brain filters out, first of all, those stimuli that are important for survival. Thus, the most important stimuli are those that signal danger. Therefore, in a dangerous situation, a person is able to act so quickly and decisively. This system is especially typical for people with phobias, be it fear of confined spaces, fear of driving, fear of animals. Such people react more intensely to appropriate stimuli.

It is known from psychology that the more you try to avoid the source of fear, the stronger it becomes. This can continue until it is completely blocked.

Most of these fears are completely unfounded, or are simply convenient excuses.

Some concerns are well founded: success changes people. In most cases, change begins with relationships with friends and colleagues: some stay with you until the end, some end their relationship with you.

As the level of success increases, so does responsibility. The decisions you make now have an impact not only on your life, but also on the lives of other people.

It is inevitable that some people will be offended or offended.

It is important to learn to forgive and forgive forgiveness

Fear of becoming a workaholic

Watching successful people, we understand how much they work: meetings, conferences, negotiations, technical issues, conflicts, inspections, reporting... Trying this on ourselves, it seems that there will never be a calm and measured life. Friends, fun, relaxation, hobbies are a thing of the past.

What to do?

1. Understand whether the goal you are striving for is really yours? Maybe you are quite happy and successful in your own way right now?

2. Reasonable time management has not yet been canceled. You will be able to learn how to plan both work and leisure time.

Causes of neophobia

Various factors contribute to the development of neophobia, including heredity, cultural influences and traumatic events in the past. People who have close relatives with neophobia are three times more likely to suffer from a fear of new things than those who do not have a similar family history. In addition, the following reasons for the development of neophobia can be identified:

Anxiety about the unknown. Even if a person is tired of the current situation or has outgrown it, it is understandable and safe for him, familiar obstacles can be overcome relatively easily. Any new situation carries the potential for discomfort. Therefore, the reptilian part of the brain actively generates worst-case scenarios and alarming “what ifs”, thus trying to protect a person from troubles and keep a person safe.
Fear of failure. This fear is closely related to the feeling of shame. A person’s feeling that there are flaws inside him that can lead to failure in front of other people immobilizes and stops in the bud the desire to master new things. The desire to avoid the shameful feeling of failure fuels neophobia.
Fear of success. The development of neophobia is also facilitated by anxiety about how success in a new endeavor will change life, affect friendships and a person’s sense of self. Fear is felt especially acutely by those who were instilled in childhood with the idea that standing out from others and being special is dangerous. Such people are tormented by an internal question: “If I manage to become a “new person,” what if my old friends leave me, judge me, or become jealous?”
Fear of death. Although this is an unconscious reaction, a person may hesitate to make big changes because they raise the idea of the finitude of life. Being in a familiar routine, we lose the passage of time, and changes are sobering, leading to the realization that death is inevitable. This fact causes fear and reluctance to change anything.
Self-judgment. Hesitation before any change, even positive ones, is normal, but if a person does not understand this, he may interpret his hesitation as weakness or cowardice. Thus, feelings of guilt and self-blame are trapped, overshadowing the desire to try new things.
Fear of evaluation. If a person is planning an unconventional change, such as quitting his job to have more free time or moving to a smaller apartment, he may worry that other people will think of him as a weirdo or a slacker, judge him, or judge his actions as “wrong.”

Instead of experiencing a feeling of happy anticipation of change, a person suffering from neophobia feels immobilized by a stream of fears. The good news is that any fear can be overcome. We will talk about how to overcome neophobia a little later in this article.

IS IT WORTH STANDING OUT?

On the launch pad to success, as a rule, we all suddenly begin to be afraid of... change. Some quickly cast aside doubts and rush forward on the wings of victory. Others (the vast majority) begin to lie awake at night, suffer and worry. It seems to them that any achievement will definitely change the usual life and attitude of people; they begin to fear being rejected by their immediate environment - family and friends. In general, all sorts of thoughts are overwhelming: they will sharply increase their social status - even close relatives will envy, they are afraid of facing aggression and the envy of acquaintances. Or become a victim of a crime. They are afraid that friends will start asking for money and, God forbid, not return it - and the friendship will be upset. Or quite funny: don’t swear off money or prison...

The subconscious may worry that a lot of money will make a person unscrupulous and inhumane - especially if the rich were scolded in your parental family, then you will not want to be a “capitalist shark”. Perhaps as a child you were taught the folk wisdom “keep your head down,” and an incomprehensible anxiety now prevents you from rising above your usual social circle. You may fear feeling guilty that you have taken the place of people more worthy of success.

And, finally, the most important thing - if the social status changes, how to correspond to the achieved level? Where is the guarantee that you will cope with the new responsibility and new problems that come with victory? Constantly maintaining success will undoubtedly require enormous efforts, incomparable with the current ones; there may be no time left for meeting friends, for entertainment, even for family. And, unconsciously fearing all these problems, a person himself often begins to hinder his well-being.

Main causes of fear

Since each person is individual, the reasons why this fear arises and develops may be different. A big role is played by what family a person was born into and how he was raised. This helps to detect formed complexes and habits. Psychologists identify five main reasons under the influence of which a fear of success can form.

Someone's mind. Some people are used to living all the time with an eye on what others will think about them.

Even when making this or that important decision, they act as their friends, acquaintances or colleagues told them. As a result, they become so accustomed to other people’s advice that they stop making independent decisions, lacking a definite point of view and being afraid to express their opinion.

They always live with an eye on what people will say about them. Having become leaders, they still continue to depend on the opinions of others. New worries. Successfully achieving a certain goal in any area significantly changes our way of life, forces us to express ourselves in a new way, and forces us to acquire additional skills and abilities. Not everyone likes change. Conservative people who hold traditional views in life perceive them especially hard, so it is understandable that such individuals will avoid any changes, even very successful ones. Fear of being unworthy of a new role. After achieving success, we are usually assigned a certain role in society, and people have expectations of us. As a result, a person develops a fear that he will not cope with the responsibilities assigned to him and will not live up to the trust. Since you have been achieving your goal for a long time and have put a lot of effort into making your dream come true, you may feel confused after you have achieved everything. Low self-esteem becomes a stumbling block when a person has a chance to change his way of life. His self-doubt grows and doubts about his own abilities develop. Many talented people waste their abilities precisely because of low self-esteem. Fear of change. It is formed when a person is accustomed to living a monotonous life for many years, so any changes in work or place of residence are real stress for him, and he does not dare to take any specific steps that could make his life more successful.

Low self-esteem prevents a person from changing his life for the better

Signs of a phobia

How can you tell if you have a fear of success? To do this, you need to ask yourself a series of questions that should be answered honestly. If you gave positive answers to most of them, you should think about what to do with your fear. The questions go like this:

do you have a specific goal in life;
what you do to achieve it;
whether you had to consciously avoid the chance to change everything;
Have you been putting off changes that could improve your lifestyle until a later date that never came?

Most often, the main reason that a person experiences fear of success is the fear of being left without a goal.

After the plan has been achieved and translated into reality, many people feel that they have nothing left to strive for. They feel empty, lonely and out of touch with life.

As a result, they experience stress and fall into depression, which is accompanied by a feeling of guilt, since they did not live up to the expectations of their family and friends.

List of values that a person should strive for

You can't take time out

Business can be very demanding, especially in terms of the personal time you are willing to devote to it.

In the past, being a workaholic meant staying in the office until 7 or 8 pm or taking work on the weekends.

Now, with the advent of laptops, the Internet and mobile phones, being available 24/7 is becoming the norm rather than the exception.

What opportunities are you missing out on if you take time out? How will your business function if you are no longer available every minute?

To live a healthy and happy life, a healthy work-life balance is essential.

The IT director turned off his phone at 7 pm every day.

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He said that he completely trusts his subordinates, who are on shift and are able to solve any problem. And if it's an emergency, they know where he lives.

We love to feel indispensable, but we can always take a time out if we really want to.

The more fears you can overcome, the more success you will achieve.

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Symptoms of success phobia

Fear of failure and fear of success are often related and share the same anxiety symptoms. These phobias are unconscious: often a person does not even realize that he has them.

People suffering from them are unable to cope with success: they can act with the aim of self-destruction: drinking, taking drugs, having reckless sex, and then losing everything they have achieved.
Many people refuse to set goals for themselves at all.
Often, having achieved success in business, a person closes it or does something incomprehensible, contrary to common sense.
The need to avoid success leads to drug use or alcoholism, in some cases even to suicide.

What is success?

If you draw in front of you the image of a successful person, then for all people it will be approximately the same - this is a person who has a certain level of income, respected, educated and capable of achieving his goals. In fact, the image of a successful person is a projection, that is, what the person himself wanted to become in order to feel successful. We must not forget that success is not only a material component; among other things, success has spiritual values. It is most correct if the image of a successful person is harmonious, because one is impossible without the other. For example, when achieving good results at work, you need to realize what benefits this brings in spiritual terms.

In pursuit of success, a person faces two main problems:

First, is the desire to be successful a true one? For example, a young man may achieve certain results in life and feel happy, but his parents or immediate environment demand more from him. This is how false goals are formed, which as a result do not bring pleasure and success itself, accordingly.

Secondly, you can face the same fear of success. Advice from friends or popular articles on the Internet say that “fear must be overcome” in order to become successful, but in simple terms, overcoming, reducing, forgetting fear is nothing more than ignoring the problem. First, you need to figure out where fear grows from.

HOW TO BREAK FROM THE CAPTIVITY OF DOUBT?

Take five concrete steps to ensure you overcome your fear of change and are on top of your success.

First answer the question: what are you willing to pay for success? How ready are you to change – to become a different person? Visualize your new life in advance after achieving the desired result. Imagine yourself in the future five years from now – what does your environment look like? Where and with whom do you live, what do you drive, where and how do you relax? What is your relationship with relatives and friends? Have you refused to communicate with pessimists who are dragging you down? Are you ready to move to a new environment that suits your social status? How do you communicate with colleagues and subordinates? What do you spend your earned money on?

Now ask your future self, looking back, how did you become so successful? What have you been through? What did you sacrifice? What did you give up? And write down in detail, year by year, exactly what you did to get to the top. Now you have an action plan for the next five years. Regularly return to your dream - adjust and complete the desired image. And implement an action plan to become exactly what you want.

Find a team of like-minded people - people who share your values, who will strive for success with you, and not pull you back into the usual swamp. It's even better to start communicating with people who are more successful than you are now. For example, you can join the entrepreneurs club in your city so that the transition to the next level is as painless as possible for you.

Discuss where you see your future in five years with your spouse or best friend. Create a dream together. Perhaps together it will be easier for you to overcome all the steps on the way to the top. And a common goal usually brings people together.

Arrange with a person of higher standing that you respect to become your mentor. With his advice and recommendations, he will help you quickly make a career or achieve success in business. In exchange, you can provide feasible services.

Sports psychology in life

Sports psychologists can answer this question. Motivation is the main problem of athletes and their mentors; without it, it is impossible to achieve good results and achieve victory. Preparing for competitions includes not only, let’s say, physical, but also psychological work. After all, no matter how gifted an athlete is, if he doesn’t have a sparkle inside, you can forget about great achievements. Since the existence of sports psychology, hundreds of methods for increasing motivation have been developed, including emotional, moral, psychological and material aspects. And all for the sake of achieving higher goals. Closely related to the concept of motivation is another concept—resistance. Todd Herman, a top-notch sports psychologist who helps athletes win Olympic medals, describes his own theory of resistance. It must be said that it has a serious scientific basis.

Features of fear of success

Research into the phenomenon of fear of success has shown that this phenomenon is quite common. Its various manifestations are observed in 2 out of 10 people. The fact is that any efforts of a person, his work, household chores, etc., are aimed at his own well-being, comfort and prosperity. This work is painstaking and complex. Having reached what he wants, all that remains is to accept the fruits of his work. Not everyone is ready to do this. Some people give up their happiness. This is how fear of success manifests itself.

What does a person lose from failure? The first is success itself, the time and effort spent.

The second is the lack of motivation for further struggle. Without this, a person stops in his own development, gives up and loses the meaning of life. There is only one conclusion: fear of success becomes the most powerful and insurmountable barrier to improvement.

There are many examples: money, promotion on the career ladder, improvement of social and living conditions - all these are changes that a person cannot normally perceive. A feeling of anxiety overcomes the patient. At the moment of fear, he may think that money will change the attitude of others towards him, a new position will ruin his relationship with the team, etc. There is a certainty that he is not ready for change, despite past desires, long work and desire for his goal. Success implies a change in social status. And this is new responsibility and problems. A person may find himself in conditions that require psychological adaptation.

Consequences of fears

Emerging fears influence the formation of a person’s character and ability to adapt in various conditions. The patient may have overestimated or underestimated demands on himself. This also affects self-esteem.

Leading a certain lifestyle, social activity and simple human relationships potentially pose a threat to the psyche. Any mistake or failure can become a starting point for the development of mental health problems.

The fear of success rarely manifests itself, but its existence deprives one of material wealth and the desire to develop. The fear complex can take many forms, the most common being the Jonah and Imposter complex.

Jonah complex

This concept was given to the psychological phenomenon by psychologist Maslow. This is the tendency of people to fear their own lives. The Jonah complex appears:

non-acceptance of one's own individuality;
fear of standing out from the environment;
fear of being the best at something;
fear of realizing one's own plans.

The patient is not able to overcome all difficulties due to the belief in envy, jealousy and ill will of others. It is easier for him not to stand out from the crowd than to attract attention to himself through well-deserved work, determination, etc.

A person with a Jonah complex is convinced of the constant envy of others

Imposter syndrome

This psychological disorder manifests itself in a lack of faith in one’s own strengths and an underestimation of one’s own merits. Someone with impostor syndrome may suffer from:

self-deception;
lack of confidence in one's competence;
fear of inadequacy of personal or social role.

It seems to the patient that his efforts are undeserved, and he himself does not have the strength to solve new problems. A person suffering from impostor syndrome thinks that success came to him by accident.

Simple exercises against fear of failure

Some simple exercises can also help combat the fear of failure.

When the fear of losing sets in, let’s drive it away with deep breathing.

Making fear go away is not at all difficult. We proceed like this:

Fear makes breathing quick and short. We return everything to normal with the help of deep, slow breaths.
We slowly inhale oxygen through the nose for 5–10 seconds. We do this with the diaphragm, so that during inhalation and exhalation it is the abdominal cavity that moves, not the chest cavity.
We also exhale carbon dioxide slowly through the nose. Let's exhale completely!

We repeat this simple exercise until the fear of failure is gone. This will happen quickly - in 5 minutes maximum.

Fear tenses your muscles. If you relax them, fear will instantly loosen its grip:

alternately tense and relax different muscle groups;
We start with the feet, then move higher - to the calves, thighs, stomach. We “go through” the whole body.

How to get rid of the fear of failure

If the fear of failure persists, then what to do in such cases? This fear can be overcome by identifying the cost of failure and its cost. Every decision a person makes and every action taken has its own price.

If, when the need arises to take a step in any important action, fear appears, then in this case a person should evaluate the possible consequences: assign a price to failure. For example, in our above case, if a person called and was denied employment, what would he lose? Actually, nothing, but by not calling, he lost his chance to get the job he wanted

This is a simple example with a minimal cost of failure, but a very high cost of chance.

Fear of failure, being a very strong emotion in life, often takes over an individual. And if at the moment of making a decision fear turns on, then it makes sense to evaluate the chances of success and failure

The bottom line is that it is important to learn how to correctly evaluate your actions. You should stop being afraid that something will suddenly go wrong and if the chance is worth it, and the mistake will not be catastrophic, then you must act and try to achieve success

At the same time, you should not mindlessly take risks and not put your life and health at risk. Any person who knows how to act correctly and set priorities realizes that they receive significantly more benefits from life. This means that such an individual has a better chance of achieving what he wants than those people who still remain in the grip of the fear of taking a new step.

A person needs to ask himself: “Do I like the current situation”, “What am I risking if something changes”, “Am I happy that I periodically miss out on great opportunities to prove myself, just because I’m afraid.”

To start getting rid of it, you need to admit to yourself that fear exists. If a person understands that the causes of all his troubles are fear of failure, then this will be the first step towards overcoming it. For example, a person is afraid to give valuable advice to his boss, is afraid to speak publicly and for this reason is not promoted, or is afraid to meet people, start relationships, and is therefore lonely. Next, you need to admit to yourself that the reason for missed opportunities is not family, not colleagues and boss, not the country itself and its instability in the economy or other reasons. Only the person himself makes life exactly the way he makes it. It is necessary to understand what exactly a person is afraid of.

It's important to think about this carefully. And in connection with this, begin to act

Psychologists recommend that people do what they are afraid of and then the fear will surely recede. Develop self-confidence, believe in yourself, communicate with successful people. If it is difficult to cope on your own, then training to increase self-esteem and self-confidence can come to the rescue.

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The most effective ways to overcome your fear of success and finally achieve your dream

“You have a problem that many people would like to have: you are afraid of success. Most people do not need to fear success because they believe that such danger does not seriously threaten them. For them, your fear is a luxury, like the fear of great wealth, says famous life coach Barbara Sher, author of the best-selling book What to Dream About. “They can’t understand how painful it is to drop the ball every time when the winning shot is almost guaranteed. They don’t understand why a person with such abilities misses amazing opportunities over and over again.”

This is also a mystery for you. You know you're gifted because you get noticed. You were given many chances, and the people who offered them were not wrong. They've seen what you're capable of.

Barbara Sher

Talent expert, life coach, lecturer at Harvard and New York universities, author of the books “Dreaming Isn’t Harmful” and “How to Understand What You Really Want and How to Achieve It.”

However, every time you got close to fulfilling a desire, something happened: at a key moment you lost concentration and directed energy towards something unimportant, or your mood mysteriously fell and you felt tired when you most needed to be cheerful.

Sometimes, instead of outright sabotage, you lose focus and become detached from what you're doing. Take a good look at your life and you'll likely see a history of missed opportunities that goes back to childhood.

And if you understand why you have such a strange relationship with success, the past will no longer influence your future.

Why do you have a fear of success?

Do you think it's the other way around and you didn't try because you were afraid of failure? People who believe they are afraid to fail are misunderstanding the situation. In fact, they are afraid of success.

If you were truly afraid of failure, you would be very successful. When people are afraid of something, they try to avoid it by any means possible.

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By your standards, you are already failing - so why are you afraid of failing someday in the future? What if you are afraid not of failure in general, but of failure in a specific matter?

“What if I try my best to become a writer, dedicate myself entirely to it, and I fail? Then my deepest fears will come true. I’m learning that I really don’t have the ability to do this,” you might say.

Nothing like this. If you fail in your attempt to study to become a lawyer, or to become an artist, or to find a date, it will prove nothing except that success is not easy. There's nothing new here. Trying until you succeed is common sense. If you can't bring yourself to keep trying, I'll be a little suspicious.

Maybe you don't want success. Maybe you did this so that you could say with a clear conscience: “Have you seen everything? I tried!”

You are looking for excuses for inaction, and it’s time to wonder: why do you want to organize your life this way?

What can you confuse fear of success with?

1. Unexploited opportunities are not necessarily a fear of success.

If you're shying away from what seems like a great opportunity to other people but not to you, that's not fear of success. Convincing yourself that you love something that in reality you don’t like is a direct path to being unhappy.

2. Not all missed opportunities are your fault.

Exactly. Space does not obey you. If your industry is in serious decline or you're trying to get something that's out of reach for most people (like acting on Broadway), you may come to believe that you're sabotaging and not trying hard enough, when in fact you're not. It is not always possible to arrange everything as you want in a short time.

Where it all began

Your fear of success may have several sources.

1. You are afraid to become more successful than your loved one.

It's amazing how many children don't want to surpass their parents' success. If you are a man and bypass your father, he is experiencing a conflict of emotions.

On the one hand, he wants to tell his friends what an amazing son he has, on the other hand, he asks the question: “So, am I second class?” Nowadays, the problem is gradually losing its gender dimension: women begin to have the same problems.

Even children who achieve success in professions that are very far removed from the occupations of their fathers and mothers sometimes feel that, by becoming winners, they take away the status of “hero” from their parents.

2. You are a woman (and are not expected to be successful)

This problem may be decreasing, but it is not completely gone—culture is not changing as quickly. The little girl is rewarded for being caring and helpful, but is discouraged for being too interested in her own success.

Starting in kindergarten, teachers approve of boys who aggressively demand attention, but dislike girls who behave in the same way.

Women with careers are still easily convinced that they are neglecting family duties, while men with careers still feel that they are fulfilling responsibilities to the family.

3. Your family members have failed often.

If failures made your parents lose their self-confidence, it affects you too. Some decide to achieve unprecedented success in order to get rid of bad luck, while others want to protect their parents.

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The desire to protect conflicts with attempts to achieve success for oneself, as if this success would tell the family: “You didn’t have enough gunpowder.” Or: “Your world is not good enough for me. I chose another, better one.”

4. You were a prize as a child.

If you've received the unspoken message that your success is not yours, strange things happen to your ability to move forward.

Rarely does a parent understand that pride in a child’s achievements is an ambiguous feeling.

This pride implies a sense of ownership. You don’t go up to a famous athlete and say, “I’m proud of you.”

Such a conflict intensifies if, when you were a child, your parents did not show themselves in the best way. Then the thought of them taking credit for your achievements may seem overwhelming.

5. You're waiting to be rescued.

Sometimes we allow ourselves to get into unpleasant situations over and over again because we are waiting for salvation from someone. Either our parents saved us too often or failed us so regularly that we spend our adult lives getting into trouble to give them another chance to come to our rescue.

If you are waiting to be rescued, then you are not enjoying the opportunity to solve your own problems like most people. And when you start to organize your life, you feel that no one wants to take care of you.

. 6. You had envious people and other ill-wishers

Let's face it: the world is full of people who are difficult. It is not true that “everyone has good intentions, but sometimes there is misunderstanding.”

Sometimes there is no misunderstanding - people want to hurt you. From birth you could easily be a victim of jealousy or envy.

Perhaps you have become the center of attention in the family instead of an older sibling, or even a parent. Although this is common and normal, it has an extremely strong impact on a small child.

You will expect that any success you make will provoke irritation and dissatisfaction. And when faced with real hostility, you will lose your peace of mind. But you don't have to be a victim.

7. Your parents were mentally ill or abusive.

If your parents had mental problems, were addicted to alcohol, drugs, or abused their children, you will develop feelings of both guilt and insignificance.

You feel like you don't deserve success or love, and you avoid it because you haven't done anything worthy of reward.

How can I finally fix everything?

1. Understand where you have fallen short of success.

Take a piece of paper and write down the earliest age when you probably began to fear success. If you don’t remember exactly, write “5 years”, below “10 years” and continue like this, in five year increments, until your current age.

Next to each age, write down what you did to avoid getting what you really wanted. If you don't remember sabotaging, write down any notable things that come to mind about that year. There may be some surprises waiting for you.

Take a close look at your notes. Has it ever happened that you created a problem for yourself exactly where everything could have turned out very well? Sometimes, avoiding success is as simple as refusing to be active for yourself.

2. Let the voice of success sound in full force

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One part of you really enjoys success—and it has a voice. He says: “I love getting what I want!” And this voice longs to be heard.

Imagine that you have found everything you dreamed of. Choose a life that best reflects your idea of success. Close your eyes and imagine it all. What does it look like? How do you feel when you get everything you want?

3. Release the voice that resists success.

Now you know why you hate the idea of becoming successful, say it loud and clear. Say out loud all the negative thoughts that come to your mind.

4. Rewrite your life

Search your memory for an important moment when you went astray, let yourself down, missed a big chance—or didn't even try. Review past events until you find a time when you wanted to put more effort into something, but gave up.

Now imagine that everything went differently. Imagine that you didn't give up, grabbed a great opportunity and took advantage of it. Where would you be now?

What did you discover when you rewrote the past? Hasn’t the pain of what “didn’t happen” become almost unbearable? Or, after releasing your feelings, you thought, “I was such an idiot! It’s all my own fault!”

5. Stop blaming yourself

If you blame yourself, try to stop right away. It's not productive. But the main problem is not even unproductivity. The point is that self-blame is based on an illusion of guilt that you have created in order to feel more significant than you really are.

When a person has the strength to do what he needs, he does it! But if he is burdened by too many internal conflicts, he is not capable of this.

And the most important thing

You thought you were afraid of the future, but in reality you were afraid of the past.

The unpleasant feelings you experience when thinking about future success were actually due to the return of pain and anger from the past.

When good times come, your mind will play another trick on you - the fear of losing what you have achieved as a result will arise: “What if something terrible happens and I lose everything? I can’t stand this.”

Again, you may think that you are afraid of a future loss.

But the loss has already occurred. We never fully realize how bad things have been until life starts to improve.

And we are amazed at how strong the pain from the past was, only after feeling the clear contrast between the painful past and the happy present.

Remember, talent obliges.

That is, your responsibility to the world is to try your best to do work that you love. You are also a natural resource. What you love is your treasure.

This is nature's gift to you. By freeing yourself from hidden hindrances, you will not only ensure your happiness, but you will also simply be doing the right thing.

Hoping for success, are you afraid of failure?

It has been suggested that those who have a strong desire to succeed may actually suffer from a fear of experiencing failure. This hypothesis makes logical sense since achieving success is by definition the opposite of failure. Some researchers have tested this hypothesis, but the results are not clear-cut.

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The results of the study seem to indicate that hopes for success and fears of failure are not necessarily related. In fact, it seems that many who fear collapse do not necessarily hope for happiness.

Rather, they are often inclined to take the safer route, to make conservative choices that will allow them to get by without problems. They don't consider riskier paths where there is a greater chance of failure.

The concept of neophobia and its impact on life

Neophobia is a fear of everything new, an irrational fear of change, new situations, people, ideas or places. On the one hand, man is a creature of habit. He can live in the same house for decades, work in the same job, drive the same car, and even eat the same dish every Friday night. On the other hand, it is human nature to seek adventure. We look forward to promotions and vacations to visit another country, constantly striving for knowledge and new achievements.

Neophobia challenges a person. In its mild form it does not cause discomfort, but in its severe form it becomes a real problem and limits life. If a person feels comfortable in their current circumstances and does not seek drastic changes, this does not mean that they suffer from neophobia. You need to think about the problem in the case when he makes a conscious decision not to stand out from the rest; refuses to try new vacation spots or avoids opportunities to make new friends; rejects innovative ideas and products, desperately clinging to the old.

Neophobia has a serious impact on everyday life. It's easy to get stuck in a rut, avoiding challenges that, when overcome, could lead to personal growth or social fulfillment. To succeed or fail, you must take risks. Both outcomes are potentially life-changing, forcing one to adapt to new circumstances. If a person suffers from neophobia, they may feel that the potential benefits of success do not outweigh the potential upheaval of introducing something new.