Why do you only see girls on your smartphone screen?
Either you are so perfect that girls are afraid to approach you, or you yourself are to blame for the situation in your personal life.
Of course, I'm sorry, but we are still inclined to the second option. Forgive us generously and start reading the article.
Together we will find the problem and try to solve it.
If you make the effort, friend.
They are no match for me_8212
Excessive demands. To be fair, it is worth noting that everyone is guilty of this - both boys and girls.
Ideal appearance, ideal character, minimum ex-boyfriends and maximum sexual experience - if a girl does not meet at least one requirement, you cross her off the list of candidates for your heart.
As soon as you find a princess who matches your ideal, a fiasco awaits you. You're not her type! She has the audacity to make demands on you!
Solution to the problem: if you apply, comply. The princess always has a bunch of knights ready to rescue her from a high tower.
Lower your demands. There is a high probability that your cosmic standards are the fruit of your own cockroaches. And fears of the female gender.
Where does the “voice” come from that “nobody likes me”?
The critical inner voice begins to form very early in our lives. It builds on any hurtful negativity we were exposed to as children, especially from serious caregivers. For example, if a parent viewed us as lazy, helpless, or troublemakers, we tend to internalize these attitudes on an unconscious level throughout our lives. We also tend to be influenced by how our parents felt about themselves: if they were socially awkward or had low self-esteem, we adopt some of their self-critical perceptions as our own. Add to this the many other social experiences we have had where we felt humiliated, ashamed or rejected (a teacher who humiliated us in front of class, a bully at school who humiliated us every day) and we can see how our inner critic.
Appearance is not the main thing
Girls really admire men who know how to dress beautifully, choose the right haircut and take care of their facial hair.
Good looks are a plus. A huge beautiful plus. For both the guy and the girl. So it was, is and will be.
If you are lucky with your facial features and figure proportions, for God’s sake, don’t waste the gifts of nature and your parents. Take care of your appearance, go to the gym. Choose the right haircut, update your wardrobe and enjoy life.
Problem solution: Do you have an ordinary appearance? There is no need to give up - it’s better to go and pump them up in the gym. All other tricks work for you too - change your hairstyle, start worrying a little more about clothes and shoes.
You are escorted by your mind, but you are greeted by your clothes. Taking care of your appearance is an investment in the future. As soon as you stop testing the durability of the same sweater for years and learn how to clean your shoes, you will significantly increase the number of interested female glances in your direction.
What could be the reasons
What attracts the male population to a woman? Visual attractiveness, tenderness, charm, mystery, charming smile, ability to communicate. The list goes on. Understanding why guys “stick to one girl like flies” and avoid others is not easy. Answering the question why none of the guys get to know me, psychologists identify a complex of reasons.
External
Visual perception is the first thing that creates an impression of us. Therefore, the external effect has a decisive influence on the desire to get acquainted. A man’s gaze stops at girls whose appearance corresponds to his ideas of what his chosen one should look like.
Undoubtedly, tastes are different: some people like blue-eyed blondes, others prefer scorching brunettes. Therefore, any type of girl has a chance to please her. But stylishness in clothes, neatness in hair and makeup, and a fit figure are what attract young people.
It is not at all necessary to spend hours every day with a cosmetologist, makeup artist, or hairdresser. Every woman finds her own way to look good. One visit to a specialist is enough to choose the right hairstyle and makeup, learn how to take care of your nails, do a manicure, and develop a clothing style.
Beauty does not mean artificially plump lips, glued eyelashes, inflated breasts, expensive clothes. Today, naturalness and simplicity are in fashion. And men subconsciously fear fatal beauties with provocative appearance.
Well, as for the figure, it’s generally a moot point. Girls with curves can very well be very attractive and beautiful. There are guys who like chubby people much more than skinny ones. The main thing is harmony with yourself.
Appearance complements behavior. Facial expressions, gestures, smile, communication style are no less important than makeup and hairstyle. A young man is unlikely to want to meet a gloomy lady who is offended by the whole world.
So it turns out that the man is looking from the side, but is not approaching to get acquainted. If a friendly smile or a friendly “Hello” is met with an angry or dismissive look and gloomy silence, further communication is excluded.
Attractive appearance is undoubtedly important, but the problem remains: I’m beautiful, but guys don’t meet me. This means that we need to look for other, deeper reasons.
Domestic
While it’s quite easy to deal with external reasons—it’s enough to take care of yourself and control your behavior—the internal ones cause much more concern. Dealing with them is not so easy.
A person’s character is formed in childhood, as are complexes. And throughout our lives we reap the benefits. It is difficult to communicate with an unsociable, problem-obsessed person.
Subconsciously, men feel this. Judging by her behavior, facial expression, and gestures, it is clear how open the girl is to communication and new acquaintances. This is exactly what can turn off a guy from the first minutes who pays attention to a pretty, attractive girl.
Young people are attracted by friendly, sweet, calm young ladies who are ready to give warmth and a smile. Therefore, pay attention to the mood and facial expression in which you react to people of the opposite sex. When answering the question why men don’t get to know me, analyze who you are: “a wild cat” or a “cute, affectionate kitten.”
Another reason is the internal attitude that all guys “only need one thing, but I’m not like that.” Don't think that meeting a man will necessarily lead to disappointment. With the conviction that “all men are assholes,” it is unlikely that you will be able to find mutual understanding and a common language with a representative of the opposite sex. Thoughts, internal complexes, beliefs are easily read by face and behavior.
Men seek warmth and affection when communicating with women. They, for the most part, also dream of a family and a cozy home. In addition, the guy doesn’t want to get turned around. Therefore, he is unlikely to approach an unapproachable, stern beauty, even if he liked her.
Loser2
One day you personally wrote your name on the list of losers. And from that very moment you decided that not a single girl would look at you. Never. “Even for a hundred thousand miles.”
No attempts to get acquainted. They'll send you away anyway. This is one hundred percent. No girl I know will ever look at you. And the girl with whom you have been hopelessly in love for a long time would not date you, even if you were the last guy on Earth.
That's what you think? And you walk around looking like a beaten dog. And with all your appearance you show what a hopeless loser you are. Maybe you’re also complaining to everyone about your inferiority.
Hmmmm. Well, we don’t even know why girls don’t fall for you.
The evil eye, probably.
Solution to the problem: approach and introduce yourself. Talk to girls you know and show them signs of attention. Will they send you away? So, what is next? You will never stop being afraid of rejection if you never encounter it. You won't stop considering yourself a loser until at least one girl shows sympathy for you. No girl will show affection for you until you give her the opportunity to do so.
“How to deal with the fear of talking to girls?”
No way. Step into the terrible unknown, face your fear face to face. By the way, this works in all areas of life.
Body language and nonverbal communication
Sometimes women themselves push away potential gentlemen. They behave harshly, abruptly, too boldly, loudly or uninhibitedly. Do you want a serious relationship? How to deal with this?
- Try to move smoothly, softly, femininely.
- Control your hand movements. Excitement, stiffness and self-doubt are indicated by fingering, excessive gesticulation, and touching other parts of the body or clothing.
- A man needs a certain amount of courage and confidence to meet a girl. Looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, focusing on his face, concentration are signs that the object is of interest. Avoiding eye contact, sharp glances, and transferring attention to other objects can frighten a man and make him think that he is not interesting to his interlocutor.
- Constant staring is not pleasant for everyone, especially when meeting for the first time.
- Guys subconsciously consider a woman's wrist one of the sexiest parts of the body. Don’t be afraid to openly show your wrist to your interlocutor, keep your hands relaxed.
- Crossed arms and legs are a “closed pose.” From this, a man can conclude that the girl finds it unpleasant to communicate with him.
- Don't create a barrier between yourself and your interlocutor if you are sitting opposite each other. A handbag, outerwear or other things can become a barrier.
- If a guy interests you, tilt your head slightly in his direction. This is a gesture of interest, sympathy, affection.
- Be reserved and calm. Men believe that these qualities are signs of a confident woman.
- Beautiful and correct posture attracts the attention of guys. A girl who keeps her back and shoulders straight looks graceful and graceful.
They have nowhere to find you3
Girls might want to meet you, but they don’t know about your existence.
Stupid girls have no idea that their destiny is sitting at home right now. He is sad, drinks beer and thinks about his loneliness. So they should find you themselves, conquer you and take you under their wing? No, he crushed the feminine gender, crushed it.
Solution to the problem: You will have to take everything into your own hands, since there is no hope for the girls. Help them conquer themselves - show up in public more often.
Having previously taken care of your figure, hairstyle, clothes and shoes, remember?
A negative inner attitude prevents us from getting to know each other
Starting a new relationship after a bad experience is difficult. Many people close themselves off and set themselves up for another failure. How to avoid this?
- Put your affairs and thoughts in order, try to live in harmony with yourself and with the world around you.
- If you were abandoned, offended or betrayed, then it is not necessary that the situation will happen again. Previous experience has made you wiser, you will no longer make the same mistakes.
- Talk to your guy about calm, general topics, avoid talking about negative experiences at the beginning of the relationship.
- Avoid painful thoughts and negative attitudes. Take your mind off them by any means possible: sports, chatting with friends, going to the movies, reading books, finding new hobbies. If you constantly think that “All guys are traitors and assholes,” the level of hormones responsible for femininity and sexual attractiveness will drop.
Great Martyr4
You have a very hard life. And you definitely don't deserve it. Problems come at you. You drown in them, like in a swamp. Your strength is leaving you.
What to do with all this? Maybe we should start solving our problems?
Hmmmm. Well, that's just the idea. I’d rather complain about my life, get a portion of pity and calm down.
It would also be nice to throw mud at people who have achieved more than me. So what if they worked on their lives? I, too, you know, spend a lot of strength and energy when I complain about life! Can't you just give me money, a cool job, a Maserati and a girl?! Am I asking that much??
Problem Solving: It's okay to talk about your problems with your friends. They support, give advice and suggest methods to solve the problem. Then you either act on their advice, or do as you see fit. This is a healthy approach.
Complaining to everyone about your life and spitting bile towards more successful people is an unhealthy approach.
Girls are always ready to be patient listeners and on-site psychotherapists. But they will always like strong men who are ready not only to solve their problems, but also to save their woman from the heap of everyday problems.
Are the boys to blame?
There is a reason for this too. Not all men are ready for decisive action, even if they like the girl. Young people also have a lot of psychological problems and complexes that they have to cope with. Not everyone dares to approach a girl, talk, and ask for her phone number.
There are enough reasons for this:
- you behave like an unapproachable, unfriendly person;
- the guy is not confident in himself and believes that such a beauty is not for him;
- he thinks that such and such a beauty definitely has a boyfriend;
- there is a girlfriend or work colleague next to you, he is shy;
- fears being rejected again;
- he is with friends and is afraid of being publicly rejected.
If you notice that a guy looks, smiles, winks, shows signs of attention, but does not come up to meet you, then perhaps he is indecisive. Help him: smile and wink back, come closer and speak first. What if this is fate...
Misogynist5
You throw mud at girls, and then you wonder why they don’t approach you?
Strange creatures indeed.
Talk less about what a girl should and shouldn't do. What she should look like, who she should work with, how she should talk, how many boyfriends she should have. To any of your “shoulds,” the girl will respond with “shoulds,” and then tell you to go to hell.
Don't speak negatively towards your ex-girlfriends. If, of course, with such an approach you ever had them.
While you are painting a portrait of your terrible ex to a new friend, millions of thoughts are running through her head. She's considering what it might cost her to potentially break up with you. “God forbid we start dating and then break up, will he talk about me like this to a girl he’s known for half an hour?” – no one wants to get into your little black book of offenders.
Problem solution: Talking about exes is not the best topic for a first date. You don’t have to touch this topic in conversations at all. It was and was.
Change your attitude towards women. Or girls will never start dating you. Even for a bet.
Who has difficulty getting along with others
If a person is depressed by the lack of normal communication, it means that he has already identified this problem for himself and is looking for a solution. In this case, you cannot do without analyzing your own qualities. So who can’t count on shared love and acceptance? First of all, these are people who are fixated on the importance of their personality and do not want to be the first to make contact.
They are sure in advance that they will not be understood and try to prevent unnecessary worries about this. But other members of society often remain unattended. They are the ones who often worry that no one wants to communicate with them.
Articles on the topic
- Fear of responsibility and how it prevents you from making decisions 12/11/2021
- Fear of conflicts: why you can’t live with it, but need to get rid of it 12/11/2021
- Fear of success - why achievements can cause failure 11/27/2021
- How to overcome the fear of failure and continue to live fully 11/24/2021
Selfish people
Those who put their own interests above others, choose the topic of conversation based on their preferences, impose communication and do not listen to the opinions or statements of their interlocutors are unlikely to become the soul of society.
Melancholic people
Being constantly sad, always upset about something, they are not the best interlocutors. Tears that are ready to fall from your eyelashes at any moment are annoying. Anyone who decides to console them will be enveloped in an aura of quiet sadness. Melancholic people are not without good qualities - they are most often compassionate, empathetic people, ready to immediately respond to a call for help. It's not easy to change yourself. But if a melancholic person can control his emotions, the attitude towards him will change.
Skeptics and pessimists
Not everyone is ready to listen to cynical comments with or without reason. Anger and discontent emanate from eternally gloomy people. Those who strike up a conversation with a skeptic quickly lose their mood. Therefore, a pessimistic person should not expect the manifestation of joyful feelings from others. However, this is what happens.
Gossip lovers
Everyone tries to stay away from such people. After all, today they turn the life of one person inside out, and tomorrow of another. Is there any guarantee that they will leave someone alone and will not whisper behind their backs about the good and bad moments of his life, envy or judge.
Antisocial personalities
People whose behavior can hardly be called adequate are often left alone. Among them are patients with severe mental disorders, alcoholics, psychopaths, whose behavior can only partially reflect their true essence.
People with congenital or acquired defects
Many people worry a lot about their repulsive appearance or some other physical abnormality. They believe that for this reason it is almost impossible for them to make friends with someone or find a mate. However, there are many communities that organize communication and meetings for people with disabilities, pensioners, and those who cannot find friends on their own. This category includes people suffering from unpleasant body odor or bad breath. Nowadays many products are being produced that allow you to solve such problems and live a normal life.
Last chance6
The smell of despair is not the best perfume. Both girls and guys who hang themselves with the opposite sex look equally pathetic and asexual.
Solution to the problem: Don’t go to extremes - approach girls, get to know them, take the initiative. Throwing tantrums at a new acquaintance and limiting her freedom is the best chance to go on a trip.
Walking erotic - that’s what aesthetes seem to say about the three-letter message?
Closedness and tension pushes away new acquaintances
It's difficult to act easy and relaxed when meeting a nice guy. The voice begins to tremble, interesting topics for conversation fly out of your head, you want to remain silent rather than say something out of place. It happens to everyone. How to overcome internal tension? Psychology comes to the rescue:
- Don't pretend to be someone else, be yourself. There is no point in pretending to be a crazy party girl if you are a quiet, homely girl. The deception will sooner or later be revealed.
- Talk about things that interest you both. When the conversation goes in the right direction, communication will become much easier.
- Create an excuse to exchange numbers, email addresses, or links to social media pages. For example, you could ask for an email address so you can send them an interesting article about a new video game or book series.
- Demonstrate that you enjoy communicating with a man. Laugh at his jokes and witty phrases, show interest in his hobbies, and give him a compliment.
- Remember that this is an ordinary guy. He also eats, drinks, meets with friends, worries, and lives an ordinary life. Don't idolize him.
- Don’t set a specific goal for meeting a man. Just enjoy the communication, bask in the rays of his attention. Time will tell how the relationship will develop.
- Fight excessive closedness, tension, and shyness. Often behind this lies the unsuccessful experience of past relationships, internal barriers and complexes. Find out what is preventing you from behaving naturally, consult a psychologist.
- Remember that the man likes you, otherwise he wouldn’t come to meet you. Feeling your own attractiveness adds confidence in communication.
Little secret!
Get to know the man gradually. First, make friends with him. If his feelings deepen and he begins to show signs of attention, the relationship will begin on its own. There is a lot of useful information in the article: How to meet a guy.
By what principle does a man and a woman “join”?
What we usually call “love” arises from different points of contact.
1. From the point of “recognition”. How it happens: we met a man, and somehow he immediately attracted us, became nice and close. The heart rejoices, rejoices at the meeting, the imagination draws pictures of the “one and only” that has finally been met. What is really happening: in him you saw your best qualities, he, like a mirror, reflected them. The man is understandable, recognizable, accepted. At some stage, you will want to look at yourself in the mirror from a different angle - come closer, turn sideways, etc. The situation has changed a little, the reflection in the mirror has changed. The man reflected your other qualities that are unfamiliar to you or not accepted by you. And then disappointment sets in and thoughts: “I thought he was the best, but he’s a scoundrel” and the like. 2. From the point of “non-acceptance”. How it happens: you meet a man, you understand with your mind that he has qualities that are unpleasant to you and not valuable. But you are drawn like a magnet to this person who hurts you over and over again. What is really happening: a man reflects those qualities that you do not accept in yourself, repress, avoid, often in an exaggerated version. And the more you try to drive him away, the more he holds you. And, of course, there are moments of “enlightenment”. When you look in the mirror from a different angle or from a different place, you can see a lot of good things in the reflection, in the man. We moved a little - and again there was pain and a monster in the mirror. 3. From the point of “love”. How it happens: you meet a man and get to know him with sincere interest, without projections of yourself.
What is really happening: it is still a mirror, but in this mirror you accept everything. You may like something to a greater or lesser extent. You examine yourself calmly, consciously and choose the mirror in which you are most beautiful. It can also be backlit, thanks to which you become glowing and magical. You won't want to part with this mirror.
Don't forget to give the floor to your interlocutor
It will be difficult for you to get bored with a person if you give him the opportunity to talk about himself no less than you. An excellent option is the ability to ask open-ended questions that require free answers. All this is necessary in order to help the interlocutor engage in the dialogue. The questions must also be chosen correctly. For example, most likely the question “How long have you lived in Moscow?” will entail a monosyllabic answer, and if you ask your interlocutor why he moved to Moscow and whether he likes this city, here you can get a more interesting and detailed answer, which in the future will make it possible to develop the dialogue in new directions. This way, you will be able to find out more about your friend or acquaintance, which will provide the basis for further communication.
“Well, let our money go to waste”
I started helping the homeless at the same time, in 2003. On the porch of the temple where I began to go, a gypsy woman, a mother of five children, was begging for alms. I took full responsibility for its content. And over time he became responsible for parish charity. My task was to collect things and funds for those in need - people from all over Moscow flocked to us, knowing that money was being distributed to everyone here.
One day our parish was visited by a priest who had a shelter for the homeless - one of the first he opened in the Tver region. And when I saw how we indiscriminately handed out to everyone what they wanted, I was horrified: “What are you doing?!” “We are fulfilling the commandment. We don't care about the rest. Even if people deceive us and spend this money on drink, the main thing is that we help our neighbors,” I explained to him with unshakable confidence in my rightness.
This position was very convenient. And then the wife of one unfortunate man, whom we regularly helped with money, came to us and accused us of killing him. “You don’t care about the fact that he dies under your fence, getting drunk, you don’t care about our family, which you are destroying.” Since then, I began to check the stories of everyone who contacted us for help. And it turned out that 95% were lying about their true situation. I realized that those who really need help must first be given shelter.
Understanding the essence of the problem, I continued to volunteer in other places. And in October 2011, the House of Diligence “Noah” from the Temple of Cosmas and Damian was opened in Shubin. At first, he continued to work as a driving instructor and maintained the shelter with his own and borrowed money, and opened new houses. But it soon became clear that it would not be possible to combine them. By February 2012, the shelter began making enough money to support itself, and I ended my business and devoted myself full-time to helping the homeless.
Nobody gets to know me
You wait and wait for this prince, but he never appears. I looked through all my eyes. I’ve already been to night clubs, and at dance parties, and on dating sites, and in the smoking room of the Lenin Library. But He is still not there. Why?
Let's remember how things were in ancient times. When the prince found out that a princess lived somewhere, he mounted a white horse and rushed to the neighboring castle. If he liked the princess, and the princess liked him, then the matter was decided. And if they don’t like each other, then the prince rides on.
What's happening today? Essentially the same thing. A man who intends to start a relationship looks around in search of his woman. The woman, fortunately, has also stopped sitting in the tower for a long time, but is actively looking around. And so they met their eyes, both ready for a relationship and wanting one, talked - and things went on. Why doesn't this always happen?
