Polygamous woman or girl as a cultural phenomenon of the 21st century

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The idea about the permissibility of a second wife in the family came to one of my friends during maternity leave. A full day of troubles with the child, in the kitchen and with housework did not leave the slightest hope that 8 working hours in the office could still be squeezed into this mess. What then will be left for the family and yourself? It would be much more convenient with : while one earns money, the second realizes herself as a mother and cooks borscht. Then they change places. And now the second one entertains the children and takes care of the house, and the first one satisfies her ambitions and builds a career. Of course, no one in their family took a second wife, and the money issue was resolved with the help of remote work. But her husband said that he would definitely tell his employees about her thoughts. So, to brag about how wise his wife is and how she understands the psychology of men. But only men?

Monogamous marriage - does it last happily ever after?

What is polygamy

Polygamy is a form of family relationships, which is characterized by the presence of several official love partners for one person. To put it simply, this is polygamy or (less commonly) polyandry. Polygamy involves one person having multiple partners of the opposite sex.

A distinctive feature of polygamous relationships is that they are officially registered. This means that having multiple intimate relationships with multiple partners is not polygamy. Also, polygamy cannot be equated to a succession of marriages and divorces with different partners.

History of polygamy

Polygamous families began to appear because people took their cues from animals:

• dolphins show signs of attention to several females at once (in addition, they mate not only within their own species, but also with other amphibians);
• during estrus, a female rabbit mates with several males;
• the female antelope cannot be called picky in deciding the issue of procreation;
• The marsupial mouse mates with several males at once.

Polygamy among people originated in Greece. In ancient times, polygamous marriages were concluded between people belonging to the upper class. In almost all countries of the world, polygamous marriages were not empty words; they were given important political and economic significance.

During the primitive communal system, many countries practiced male polygamy, since this form of love relationship made it possible to quickly increase the population in a particular city. According to community traditions, the head of the clan had the best qualities, so he was the first to begin impregnating women. It was believed that the strongest offspring would come from the head of the clan.

People's ideas about an ideal marriage were formed on the basis of cultural trends, philosophical views, and legal documents in force on the territory of the state. In ancient times, they were influenced by patriarchy and harsh living conditions.

In China and Polynesia, for many centuries there was a belief that polygamy of men (a man’s personal predisposition to multiple sexual contacts) is the only way to preserve their potency. The attention of several wives provided the man with spiritual comfort.

In Egypt and India, kings surrounded themselves with several women, but among the common people in these countries, polygamous families were very rare.

Additional information: Polygamy was replaced by monogamy when many countries came under the influence of Western European culture. The restructuring of the institution of marriage began with globalization in Rome.

Causes of polygamy

Psychologists believe that the reasons for polygamy are:

• cultural traditions of a particular country;
• religious views;
• social foundations of society;
• deficiency of maternal affection and love in childhood;
• a man’s lack of emotional ties and trusting relationships with his mother;
• the desire of men and women to satisfy their needs in full;
• love;
• temperament;
• an attempt to assert oneself, solve psychological problems through intimate relationships with several partners;
• pathological self-esteem (overestimated or underestimated);
• a person’s reluctance to compromise, make a choice, make a decision;
• the confidence of polygamous people that polygamy will help them maintain physical health;
• the desire to survive and prolong the family line in war and post-war conditions;
• wealth and wealth of a man;
• a man’s desire to show his dominance and superiority.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

Ask a Question

Are men polygamous and women monogamous?

If previously it was believed that every male is polygamous, today scientists have refuted this statement. There is a logical explanation for this. Polygamous relationships are usually divided into polyandry and polygamy. This is proven by the fact that not only a polygamous man can have several wives, but also a woman can build a family with several husbands.

A polygamous marriage is often created by a man, surrounding himself with the attention and care of several wives at once. But there are also examples of such a choice among women, which in sociology is called polyandry (polyandry). The same thing happens in animals: there are polygamous males, and there are females with the same preferences.

It cannot be said that by nature all men are polygamous and women are monogamous. This form of marriage as a polygamous family is chosen not only by men, but also by women.

Disadvantages of polygamy for men8

If we consider polygamy from the point of view of the institution of marriage, and not just sexual relations, then in essence monogamous marriage is the most patriarchal institution. It would seem that any man has not thought about how wonderful it would be to have several wives: how clean the house would be, how much affection and attention a man would receive, how much pleasure and variety in sex would await him. But has anyone thought about the other side of the coin: how much effort and attention several women need to devote, how much they need to earn to support a large family - all their wives and children.

Marriage implies the common responsibility of all participants for the life, well-being, and health of children. However, take for example Islamic states where polygamy is a common practice. Women do not work there and all responsibility for welfare is placed on the shoulders of men - more and more men prefer to stay with one woman.

Polygamy in men

Male polygamy is a man’s need to produce numerous offspring. Previously, this behavior ensured rapid population growth. And now, in the attraction to this form of marriage and family relations, psychologists see a man’s desire to prove to others his success. Behind this desire is an inferiority complex or the desire to compensate for the imperfections of one partner.

Polygamy of men

Some researchers consider the tendency towards polygamy to be a natural instinct of men, but what should prevail: the call of nature or the ability of a person to subordinate instincts to his will? In addition, modern polygamous males strive to satisfy their intimate needs with several women, rather than pursue the goal of numerous procreation.

Polygamous men say that each wife is unique, and together they give an amazing feeling of harmony. What one woman doesn’t have in her character, another woman has. The same applies to figure imperfections.

Polygamy in women

If there is a justification for polygamy, then polyandry has no such justification. A woman’s desire to acquire several husbands has always been condemned, so it is not customary to talk openly about polyandry.

Psychologists suggest that polyandry is caused by a girl’s desire to find a more promising man to reproduce good offspring. Experts see a connection with feminist views in a woman’s desire to have several husbands.

However, there are countries where polyandry is legal:

• southern regions of India;
• Tibet;
• China;
• Nepal;
• South America;
• certain areas of Africa.

Frateral polyandry in these countries is due to the difficult economic situation and the lack of possibility of equal division of material wealth between brothers. Therefore, parents choose a common wife for their sons. Children born in this union are common; all the woman’s husbands treat them with equal warmth.

Polyandry is explained by the desire of the family to preserve their lands, therefore this form of marriage and family relations is more characteristic of the privileged class. Among the aborigines, unions are more often concluded between one woman and one man, because they have no agricultural wealth, brothers have nothing to share.

Examples of female polygamy include the following situations:

1. If a woman is not officially married, her polyandry can be considered as an experimental search for the most successful option for marriage. In addition, it is not necessary that her goal is to find an ideal husband. She can explain her behavior by freedom and independence.
2. A mature lady whose children have already grown up, and her husband has stopped satisfying her in bed. In this case, she finds another partner who is much younger than her in order to improve her own women's health.
3. A young woman has several men who play different roles in her life. She needs one of them, because with him she feels real pleasure in bed, the other is the father of her children, the third is needed so that she will not be ashamed to go out into the world.

Polygamy in women

Polyandry in culture and life3

One of the rare forms of polygamy is polyandry or polyandry. And if we talk about a polygamous woman in the context of polyandry, we should first admit that such an institution of marriage does exist: in Sri Lanka, Tibet, Brazil and some other regions of Asia, Africa and South America. Of course, such a way of life is sharply condemned in a patriarchal culture, however, when viewed objectively, it is a fairly logical institution of marriage.

In the union of one woman with several men, as opposed to the union of one man and several women, the boundary of the gender distribution of labor and responsibility is erased, the members of the union are recognized as equal to each other and do not turn into service personnel.

Polyandry provides additional protection to offspring, reduces infant mortality and reduces the birth rate in general. A child with two fathers has a significantly greater chance of surviving in unfavorable conditions.

Polyandry is a solution to the growing gender imbalance. For example, in India, where the birth of girls has long been considered undesirable, there are now many more men than women. Therefore, in some villages polyandry is a common practice.

There is also fraternal polyandry, when the husbands of one woman are brothers to each other. This tradition is still present in poor countries and is associated with the need to leave all property within one union.

Polyandry, contrary to judgment, is a logical form of union that provides regulation of populations, a partial solution to poverty issues, and protection of offspring.

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is traditionally divided into the following types:

• polygyny - polygamy (one man has several official wives);
• polyandry - polyandry (one woman has several official husbands);
• sorority marriage (a man marries his sisters);
• Swedish family (a group marriage in which several men and women live together and have a common household, or several married couples exchange partners for sex)

Swedish family

Polygamy in the modern world

This form of marriage and family relations as polygamy in the modern world accounts for 10% of all marriages. It is believed that a polygamous man is not capable of the fidelity with which monogamy is associated.

However, researchers of the institution of family and marriage put forward the hypothesis that monogamy has outlived its usefulness as a form of marital relations. If this is not so, then why in the modern world the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages? In addition, betrayal is often a reason for divorce. A man is polygamous by nature, and female polygamy has its advantages. Maybe polygamy will solve the problem of adultery?

Sociologists today include simple cohabitation as this form of marriage relationship. Researchers are alarmed by the fact that more and more girls and young people prefer open relationships without obligations, refusing to tie the knot. Also an alarming bell is the fact that young people practice partner exchange: geneticists have proven that such behavior threatens a healthy gene pool, because such connections spoil male chromosomes.

In the modern world, polygamous relationships are prohibited in most countries. But this form of organization of family and life is preserved today in Muslim countries. For example:

• in the UAE;
• in Afghanistan;
• in Saudi Arabia;
• in Algeria;
• in Brunei;
• in Guinea;
• in Egypt;
• in Senegal;
• in Tanzania;
• in Pakistan;
• in Nigeria;
• in Syria;
• in Myanmar.

In Australia and Oceania, polyandry is enshrined at the legislative level, which is explained by the matriarchy of these countries.

Regulatory documents regulating the creation of a family in different countries mostly promote monogamy. Polygamy is officially prohibited by almost all Eurasian countries, as well as Western states.

Psychologists are against polygamy. After all, a polygamous person does not experience a real emotional connection, which occurs only in a couple. A polygamous male is driven by natural instinct.

Advantages of male polygamy7

Today, male polygamy looks like nothing more than a convenient excuse for adultery. Still, it is very easy to shift the burden of responsibility onto base instincts and turn a blind eye to the fact that a person is a thinking being, responsible for the decisions made and their consequences.

Of course, polygamy, which does not go beyond the bounds of reason, has its advantages:

1. Gaining experience. Alas, no one is born with a universal package of knowledge about how to have sex correctly so that all participants in the process receive pleasure. A polygamous man has a unique opportunity to gain valuable experience.
2. Obtaining social status. Men have driven themselves into a patriarchal framework, where status is measured not by intelligence and achievements, but by visual indicators of success. Frequent changes of partners and the presence of mistresses are a measure of the success of a modern man. We can only believe that this will change following the change of generations.
3. Fighting stress. Boxing, running and sex are the best anti-stress practices. The pressure on a working person in modern society is so great that it is often almost impossible to cope with it. Sex certainly allows you to relieve tension and fight stress.

Polygamy in Islam

The traditions and customs of Islam have been carefully passed down from generation to generation for many centuries. It is on them that the approval of polygamy is based. The Koran makes all the wives of one man equal to each other. Every Islamic man, upon reaching adulthood, decides for himself what type of marriage and family relationship is suitable for him.

If a man chooses polygamy, he must treat all his children and women who are part of his family equally. A polygamous male should spend the same amount of time with each wife.

Monogamous marriage is chosen by those men who do not feel strong enough to maintain a harem and share their love among all the concubines.

Cunning men who preach Islam, not being able to support several wives, nevertheless take them. They do this to force women to work. The polygamous males themselves live off their working ladies.

Positive effects of polygamy2

In the 21st century, fortunately, more and more women are not afraid of their own voices and opinions, and sociologists and therapists have the opportunity to learn the stories of polygamous women first-hand, and not from speculation. Up to certain limits, polygamy has a number of positive and understandable consequences:

1. Understanding your own sexuality. A single partner, no matter how wonderful a lover he may be, is not able to reveal all the facets of a woman’s sexuality. What if fortune didn’t smile and instead of a skilled lover, an inexperienced woman got a boy who can’t do anything himself? Tolerate until the end of life or make a choice in favor of the next one?
2. Increased self-esteem. Not the best way to work with self-esteem, but perhaps one of the simplest. The right kind of male attention can make a woman feel beautiful and desirable. And the more men are ready to butt heads over the possession of a particular woman, the higher her self-esteem soars.
3. Emotional release. Many women are not ready for marriage or any long-term relationship for various reasons, but they are also not ready to do without sex. The solution is short-term connections with clearly defined goals.
4. Male model of behavior. In order to achieve success in the professional field, women are forced to try on a male model of behavior. Unfortunately, it is often impossible to separate work and personal life, and the “male model” takes on exaggerated forms, including the male way of dealing with stress.
5. Repressed homosexuality. It often takes women many years to admit that they are not attracted to men. In order to recognize their own orientation, women first try with all their might to prove the opposite to themselves. The positive aspect of polygamy here is the understanding that one man may be bad in bed, but if it doesn’t work out with everyone, the problem lies elsewhere.

Polygamy and domestic mentality

The desire of a man to acquire several wives, as well as the desire of a woman to have several husbands, is not supported by the domestic worldview. In Russia, polygamy is prohibited, since the principles of organizing life in such a family contradict the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

In Russia, upon learning that a partner is polygamous, the second spouse feels offended and deceived. This is why adultery is becoming the most common cause of divorce in modern Russia.

The polygamous type of marriage and family relations contradicts not only the domestic mentality, but also the Orthodox religion. Therefore, from childhood, parents try to develop in their children loyalty to one chosen one.

Russians tend to be monogamous

Monogamy and polygamy as forms of marriage

originated in ancient times.
It served as a support for preserving benefits within the clan, increasing the number of the community and other goals. However, almost immediately two forms appeared:

1. polygamy, when one person has several partners;
2. Monogamy – remaining faithful to one partner for life.

These are two opposing concepts that cause a lot of controversy to this day. In some cultures and countries, polygyny is recognized at the state level, in others it is prohibited. This is due to the formation of attitudes towards marriage at the national level, through the development of a particular people and other factors.

Not registered in Russia. However, monogamy in its pure form is also rare in modern conditions. This is due to the permissibility of entering into a new marriage after the completion of the previous one, which is no longer monogamy.

Pros and cons of polygamous relationships

The fact that polygamous relationships exist in the world means that they have both pros and cons.

enshrined at the legislative level, polygyny allows you to quickly increase the population in a particular country;

the need for love, attention, sex is fully satisfied without the use of moral violence;

Quarrels and showdowns in polygamous families are rare.

jealousy between numerous wives or husbands, which can push people to commit crimes;

lack of emotional intimacy;

the unfavorable financial situation of several wives;

decreased female self-esteem;

personal relationships between women and men are discussed with third parties;

the subtleties of the relationship between spouses are hidden from children, as a result of which children experience distrust of their parents.

Is it possible to change polygamous behavior to monogamous behavior?

Deciding for your partner with whom and how he should live is obviously a losing proposition; it will never lead to good results. Even if outwardly he agrees, internal resistance will lead to ever-increasing conflicts, quarrels and a complete breakdown in relations.

Situations arise when a person independently comes to the conclusion that he should abandon polygamy and continue his life with only one partner, remaining faithful to him. Most likely, he will be able to do this with some effort.

How to help your partner become monogamous:

• Finally and irrevocably eliminate noisy showdowns, scenes of jealousy, reproaches, scandals, hysterics, tears.
• You should absolutely not try to manipulate your partner with the help of children or blackmail them.
• Create a trusting, cozy and calm atmosphere in the house, make it pleasant to return and stay there.
• Build smooth, calm, trusting relationships based on mutual respect.
• It is necessary not only to listen, but also to hear your partner, listen to his opinion and desires.
• Always strives to understand a loved one and try to help him.
• Constantly work on yourself, your appearance and behavior. Try to meet your partner's expectations.
• Try to understand and share your partner’s hobbies, appreciate those things that he considers important.

The format of a relationship is the free choice of each person. Although there are many more supporters of traditional marriage, polygamy and monogamy have a right to exist.

The concept of “norm” in this case does not regulate the conditions of marriage. First of all, you need to focus on the needs, interests and preferences of everyone. Of course, provided that this does not lead to restrictions on the rights and freedoms of other members of the union and does not cause moral or physical harm.