In this article we will tell you:
- The psychology of cheating with a married man
- Behavior of married lovers if they want to break up with their mistress
- Peculiarities of behavior of an abandoned married lover after separation
- Rules of conduct with a married lover
A woman who indulges in relationships on the side will one day want to know how married lovers behave. This is due to the fact that she wants to understand the motives and desires of her partner: does he really value a “hidden” love affair or is it simply the satisfaction of biological needs.
We have prepared an article in which we described the subtleties of the behavior of married men. You will also learn about the key principles of interaction with your secret boyfriend, which will help you understand what exactly you want.
Relationship with a married man. Basic rules and advice from a wise lover
Loving and dating a married man can be very painful and rarely anything good comes out of it. But this article is not intended to condemn anyone. In this article, we will openly and honestly describe the typical experiences and consequences of such relationships, so that you can be more prepared and know what to expect and how to deal with it.
Here are our top tips:
Remember, his priority will always be his children and wife.
If at the beginning of your relationship he lied, saying that he was not married, then you should seriously think about whether you can trust him in the future?
Don't sacrifice everything for him. Be independent. Go on dates with other men. After all, he doesn’t give up everything for you, so you shouldn’t give up everything for him.
Your relationship will change if he gets divorced for you. It won't be so fun and interesting with him anymore.
Capitalize on your relationship. Let him support you financially, or at least make sure you get as much out of the relationship as you put in.
Be honest with yourself. What you are doing is risky. Admit this risk to yourself. After all, it is very likely that he will not leave his wife for you. And it hurts.
No matter what he says, he still has sex with his wife. Don't let your relationship stop you from dating other people.
How many men do you know who ruin their lives because of a woman?
So, how many women do you know who have sacrificed everything for a man? Women must think and act just like men to find their happiness.
Ask yourself a few questions, seriously think about whether he is the one for you? When did he admit that he was married? Before or after you started dating him? This is the main factor as to whether he can be trusted.
On the other hand, the factor of children must be taken into account. After all, even if he loves you very much, he is unlikely to leave his children for you.
Is your relationship strong enough to withstand the phases of divorce? How long have you been dating this person? Usually, after a year, the relationship tends to move to a more serious level. Think about it.
Perhaps you are now experiencing the most wonderful feelings and are truly happy in your relationship with him, but when you start living together, the old romance will most likely no longer exist and everything will change.
But even if he divorces for your sake, you both will go through a lot of sorrows and difficulties. During these difficult times, will you still love him as much as you do now?
How long do they last?
Many people are interested in how long a love relationship between a man and a woman lasts.
Scientists say: depending on the characteristics of character and temperament, the feeling of falling in love finally passes after one and a half to three years of acquaintance.
Therefore, a relationship based on sexual attraction usually does not last longer than this period - as the attraction fades, common interests do not appear, which is not at all conducive to the continuation of communication.
But when deep love and affection arises, the union has no time limits and lasts a lifetime.
Partners do not think about themselves, selfishness and consumerism, jealousy, and mistrust disappear.
Deep feelings do not arise instantly, but are formed as a result of long-term, trusting relationships.
Tips for women who are in love with married men
Don't sacrifice yourself for him.
To find happiness, women must think and act just like men. How many men do you know who ruin their lives for a woman? So, how many women do you know who have sacrificed everything for a man?
Men never put their relationships first. At least successful men don't do this, which is why they are happier than women. Women tend to date a guy and then focus their entire lives on him. They stop growing or put their business plans and careers on hold after meeting someone. Such a sacrifice is completely inappropriate, even if the guy is not married. But if you sacrificed your career or studies for a married man, then consider yourself shooting yourself in the foot because you gave a part of yourself to someone who belongs to someone else. Over time you will suffer more and more.
Look soberly at your lover for who he is, do not exaggerate his role in your life and control your emotions. If he is clearly lying to you to keep you around, consider whether this relationship is worth your time or not.
Be honest with yourself
If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have dated many women over the years. Usually, when a man has this tendency, he dates a woman until she demands more from him. He then dumps her, finds someone else to just sleep with, before getting rid of her when she claims she's tired of being a backup option.
The truth is that he will fool you as long as you let him.
At least benefit from such a relationship
If he can help you in some way in your life, make you more successful, pay your bills, or buy you a house, then you'll be well worth your time with him. Ask yourself, “What do I get out of a relationship with a married man?”
You need to ask this person to make the relationship worth your time financially and to help you move forward. But if your boyfriend “plays with you for free” and then goes home to his wife and plays the role of husband there, you will only suffer from the fact that you are a kind of prostitute who works for free.
Be wise, it's time to ask your "friend" to help you financially. That way, when you're no longer together, at least you'll know he was helpful in some way, like helping you pay your mortgage.
Before you start ranting about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and your relationship is all about love, remember that dating a married man is also not entirely moral. Believe me, when you break up, the money invested in you will make you say to yourself: “at least I got something out of it.” And this is much better than the feeling of being simply used and abandoned. Most likely, it seems to you now that your situation is completely unique and you are not in danger of separation, because he really loves you, and you love him, etc. But sooner or later, you will come face to face with real stress when he gets tired from you, and will return to his wife. As a rule, this is what happens.
The real story of a relationship with a married man
For nine years, my friend Yulia dated a married man and now regrets it. Her lover insisted that he loved her, but since he had two children from his legal wife, he could not leave his family. He also claimed that he no longer sleeps with his wife. Now Yulia understands that if he wanted to leave his wife for her, he would certainly do it. Moreover, Julia managed to find out that this man was very often jealous and tested his wife’s fidelity.
Love is blind
Yes, love is blind. I was often angry with Yulia, trying to convey to her that if he loved her, he would rather divorce his wife rather than play games with her. Poor Yulia had excuses for everything. She defended and justified him in every possible way, saying that if a person has children, he cannot get a divorce. I have met several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three children. After the divorce, they took care of their children.
The truth is that a man will change his life around and do anything to win you if he truly loves you. If he is only satisfied with sex with you, and he does not take any steps to achieve a permanent life with you, then you must realize that he does not see you as anything other than just a lover.
If he really loved you...
I know your ego doesn't want to accept this fact, but for a moment, put your stubbornness aside and think. If you lived with someone you don't have sex with and don't love, but you have someone on the side you really love and have a passionate relationship with, you would want to go home to your unloved person, knowing at the same time, that your lover is left alone and that he can find an available replacement for you at any moment?
Just thinking about it probably makes you break out in a cold sweat.
It is very important for men that their woman is completely at their disposal. If he doesn't care who you're with or what you do, then this is real evidence of disinterest on his part. If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will realize that other men are after you and will do everything to get you before someone else does.
Excuses
For many years, Julia justified her married lover in everything. She believed his stories that he supposedly couldn't stand his wife and that they didn't have sex. He lied to her very convincingly.
The situation worsened when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Julia worked opposite her lover's house and could spy on her wife from time to time. Julia's lover assured him that his wife had been torturing him for many years to give birth to another child, and he finally gave up. He even told her that he had to get drunk in order to touch his wife and that they only had sex once so she could get pregnant.
So, let's say that a man is lying while you are not yet engaged or married. But if he cheats on his wife, then he will continue to lie, and you will never know how far he can go.
The main signs of falling in love
When a man is interested and important to a woman, he will not disappear for a long time, not call or be interested in her life. On the contrary, he will strive every free minute, when he is outside the walls of her house, to find out how she is doing. How can you understand that your lover has truly fallen in love and has not started another affair on the side?
There are a number of main signs that indicate a man is in love:
- A special look reveals a male in love. Maintaining eye contact for a long time indicates that he is pleased to enjoy the woman he is with.
- Facial expressions and gestures that a man uses when he is alone with his mistress. His knees, hands, head are always directed towards his partner.
- A man listens carefully and remembers everything his mistress says. Equally important is a sincere interest in your partner’s existing hobbies.
- He doesn’t disappear for several days, he always calls and writes messages.
READ
How to make your husband not pay attention to others
His posture and gaze can tell about a man’s feelings.
Should a married man be faithful?
In a relationship with a married man, you must understand that he is using you for some fun on the side. So by all means, date other men. Remember that this is not cheating on your part, because he is married and you are single.
Until he separates from his wife, you are free to do whatever you please. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone. Date other men so you don't get too attached to this person and keep control in perspective.
When Julia finally listened to me and began dating other men, her point of view changed dramatically. Her married lover began meeting her only for sex. They met in hotels and in his car after work. He no longer took Yulia to restaurants, did not feed her, did not take care of her. Sometimes they would go to a bar, have a few drinks, and then go have sex.
Liberty
When she started posting photos of herself on dating sites, she felt more powerful and confident because she became interested in single men. Some of these guys invited her to interesting places, bought her nice gifts and even offered her money. She became much happier.
So, when you're dating a man who abuses your emotions, don't feel guilty about dating other men. Benefit from everything and every relationship. Be freer and bolder!
Cons of forbidden fruit
Married lovers. There are fewer disadvantages here, but they are still present. The main danger is that sometimes lovers get a little carried away. Not only conscious adults enter into such a connection, but also those who have not matured, with terrible inferiority complexes. It happens that a person truly falls in love and passionately desires to possess his beloved/mine completely and completely. Even though he himself does not plan to get a divorce. It’s good if the desire to create a joint family is mutual, bad if it’s one-sided. After all, the second partner, who only needs sex and adrenaline, doesn’t need “Santa Barbara”. Yes, he can stop meetings and leave, but will they let him go, will they let him live in peace?
Often, hysterical people destroy families with their behavior. As we already know, such behavior is observed less often in the stronger half. But a beautiful lady is capable of desperate acts. Especially if a woman, being married, is deeply unhappy. It happens that the reason why a lady starts cheating is to escape from her husband to another and to put a new stamp in her passport. But the attitude of a lover towards his partner is often completely different. His first task is to preserve what he created - his family.
This is where the problems begin. Even the strongest couple can fall apart under the strong pressure of a desperate couple. And everything will end badly not only for the spouses, but also for the mistress herself. After all, after calls, threats, going to work, meetings with his wife and everything else that an angry fury is capable of, the loved one is unlikely to want to return.
Another disadvantage is unplanned pregnancy. It will be especially difficult in this situation for the weaker half of the couple. After all, the test of living with her husband under the same roof and lying that the child is a joint one will fall to her lot. Terminating a pregnancy is also not an easy act, and again it is up to the woman to decide.
Perhaps, divergence of goals and pregnancy are the most dangerous disadvantages that long-term relationships between married people have.
How to behave with your ex-lover?
Relationships between ex-lovers can be different. Some women manage to maintain friendship with their former lover, while others keep resentment or hostility in their souls all their lives.
Therefore, it is quite difficult to give advice on how to behave with a former lover. You need to take into account the circumstances under which you separated. In any case, there are general rules:
- Don't sort things out and don't bring up the past. Don't show that you are upset, suffering or regretting anything.
- If your relationship gradually fades away, do not look for those to blame, but accept it as a normal occurrence. You should not cling to this connection or seek a meeting with your ex-lover. Don't call him or write to him.
- When you meet, be friendly. But be natural, don’t pretend to be overly happy.
When friendship has been preserved between former lovers, and they sometimes intersect, then often one of the meetings can end in intimacy. Psychologists advise not to do this. As a rule, for a man it’s just sex, but a woman has new hopes.
Don't give in to temptation. If, nevertheless, you could not resist and spent a night of love, treat it as a small, easy adventure. Don't go back to the old ways and make this your last meeting.
The situation can be very delicate if the ex-lover is a work colleague. You may even want to quit. However, you should not do this if the job suits you. Get over yourself. Maintain subordination both within the team and outside the office. Communicate only about work matters.
- Don't take revenge, no matter how much you want to. Don't spread gossip about your ex. Revenge never brings positive results and does not make a woman beautiful.
- When you get married or enter into a new relationship, do not devote your other half to the details of your former relationship. Never introduce your current husband to your ex-lover, even if you separated a long time ago.
- If meetings with your ex-lover are painful or unpleasant for you, stop seeing him. Turn the page and move on with your life.
Danger
In a romance novel, there are certain dangers. One of the most important is psychological imprisonment, which is aimed at married lovers. This is due to the betrayal of one of the family members. When his significant other finds out about this, his wife develops a desire for revenge. A fleeting affair can provoke a strong attraction in lovers to each other. The love relationship between them begins to be perceived in the same way as a family relationship in their official families. The lover becomes a dear and irreplaceable person. Thoughts appear in your head that you have met the same person. With whom you can create a truly strong and loving family. Do you dream of becoming happy by truly finding sincere love? The love that is told about in fairy tales. In reality, these feelings are bursts of love and pass after a while.
Psychology of relationships
A married man and a married woman are having an affair without any commitment to each other. This relationship does not fit the definition of a romantic relationship. They are more like spy games. It is mystery and insidiousness that continues to support the love affair.
It often happens that family ties are destroyed due to a meeting with first love. While young, the couple in love got engaged. However, their family did not work out. But both men and women have memories of past first love flashing in their minds. It may happen that the life path of these people decides to bring their destinies together again and feelings will flare up again. In this connection, meetings with first love turn into a secret romance.
Attention. Often, thrills on the side can lead to attachment to a person and the formation of a secret romance. It happens that married people are looking for unusual sensations, ones that will excite them. It happens that ordinary intimacy can develop into a long union.
When a married woman fell in love with a married man or vice versa. Their psychology is very complex and different from the usual psychology. In certain situations, an affair on the side restores previously extinguished feelings of the spouses. But, in most cases, it is the reason for their separation. This situation becomes much more complicated when the couple has children. Everyone knows that children react sharply to disagreements between parents in the family.
