How to break up with a married man. How to break up with your lover

Not every girl or woman can boast of having an ideal relationship with the opposite sex.
Many continue to remain in the status of mistress year after year. A man can have a fairly long affair with the subject of his passion, however, often at some point he refuses to continue the relationship. Why does a lover leave, and how to avoid mental trauma after breaking up such a relationship? Should I try to restore mutual understanding and continue the romance? Let's talk about this in this article. From this article you will learn:

Why breaking up with a lover is traumatic
What are the reasons why your lover left you?
Why do married lovers leave and go back to their wives?
How to survive a breakup with your lover and learn to live again
How to survive a breakup with your lover and fall in love with your husband again

Issues

In a long-term relationship between a woman and a man burdened with a family, the woman begins to have many destructive thoughts in her head. A woman constantly asks herself:

“If he says he loves me, then why doesn’t he leave his family?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why is he deceiving me?”

This provokes internal struggle. At the initial stage, the woman realizes that her lover is deceiving not only her, but also his family. He understands that most likely he will never leave his legal wife.

Then, when she becomes unbearable from understanding the current situation, the time comes for internal contradictions and struggle with the thoughts that torment her. A woman begins to look for excuses for a man’s actions, or evidence that they have a real serious relationship, and not a banal affair.

This problem can only be solved in a positive way. In fact, this is difficult to do, because a woman in such a relationship is in a state of constant stress. On the one hand, there is a loved one, and on the other, she constantly thinks about how she can get out of this relationship, how she can part with her lover.

If there are feelings, and not just material or career interests, this is much more difficult to do. This is due to the fact that after a breakup you will be drawn to the person and you will need to hide your desires, even from yourself.

If you're left alone

Ding-ding, reminder once again: he was not free from the beginning! If he was not going to leave his family, then the denouement had to begin sometime. What ways can you think of to forget this man?

It will also be useful: How to find a lover

Drastic changes

There is one tricky way you can try to deceive yourself. Do you remember the movie “50 First Dates”? There, the main character forgot every previous day, living only for today. She had her own habits, starting early in the morning.

You need the same thing - just remove from yourself the time in which you lived, loving your married man. To get started, do this:

You cannot change your place of residence, but you can move the furniture in this apartment. This is necessary so that the old environment does not remind you of the visits of your ex-boyfriend, if the meetings took place at your home.
At least change the curtains to a more cheerful color if you can't re-stick the wallpaper. Orange, yellow and green shades lift your spirits and help cope with depression. A small thing, but very important.
The reflection in the mirror should also give off some other image, different from today’s. Yes, everything is banal and simple - change your hairstyle, hair color, clothing style. This is not for beauty, but for dramatic changes.

Now change your habits, starting in the morning:

Are you used to drinking tea and sandwiches for breakfast? Drink cocoa with croissants.
Do you like girly melodramas? They are of no use now, watch comedies.
Do you usually go to bed with your head facing west? Shift to the east.

Changes must occur in your life that contradict your usual way of life, even in small things. It is from this day that your fight against depression will begin.

Don't think it will be easy right away. But you just need to focus on that unusual day for you, which will become a habit. It will be easier later. But this is the first step towards liberation.

Why you should break up

It would seem that if there are two people who love each other, then why do they need to separate? If love in itself is a reason for joy, then is it worth thinking about how to break up with the married man you love?

Agree, a mistress is not a beloved woman with a stamp in her passport. As a friend, you can tell her about family problems, complain about how a man is not valued in the family. At the same time, she will regret it and will not refuse intimacy. But in fact, in a conscious, mature age, love and romance alone are no longer enough to turn the established way of life upside down.

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Other people's spouses are burdened not only with family. They have an established circle of friends, relatives and their own environment. They have responsibility, and, after all, a reputation. Deciding to change all this because of romance on the side is very difficult. Therefore, it is much easier and more painless for a married man to part with his mistress.

So what should you do if, while dating a man, you suddenly find out that he has a secret from you? Even if you initially knew that you were not the only woman in his life, the situation is delicate and most likely traumatic. In fact, this is a reason to think about how to organize a separation from someone else’s spouse. A married lover is probably comfortable with this situation where he meets and has a good time, but bears neither moral nor material responsibility.

Some ideas for revenge

The best way to take revenge on a man would be your own happiness, demonstrating your good life without him. But if you want to take radical revenge, for example, if your married lover rudely abandoned you, you can stoop to low methods. After all, until a woman achieves justice, she will not calm down. You need to act brazenly, even rudely, but without crossing the line of law and common sense.

Dirty tricks may be used, such as damaging his property and plans (painting a car, infecting a computer with a virus, withdrawing money from a virtual account). If you still have some ridiculous photos of your ex, they can be sent to his work colleagues, thereby tarnishing his business reputation.

A surefire way to get revenge is to make friends with his wife or new girlfriend. Then the man will simply be crushed morally and fall into confusion, not knowing how to behave.

How to prepare for a break?

Among the many reasons for breaking up with a lover, we can highlight the main prerequisites for how to break off a relationship with a married man:

The pointlessness of making plans for a joint future. Mistresses are basically a means to realize their polygamous nature, a sexual adventure.
Lack of attention from a lover. A man won’t be able to spend weekends, holidays with you, and most likely you shouldn’t count on joint trips either.
Separating from your married lover on his initiative can happen completely unexpectedly for you, since it costs him nothing to end the relationship at any time.
There are often cases when other people's spouses have several relationships outside of marriage, which reduces the obviously low chance of a serious continuation of your romance.
We are all women, each of us can find ourselves in the same situation, but in a different role. Therefore, we should not forget about such a concept as female solidarity and show respect to a woman who constantly suffers from her husband’s infidelities.
Often, having relieved emotional stress outside the home, the husband becomes exemplary and surprisingly calm, happy with everything in the presence of his legal other half. The constant feeling of guilt before his wife does not allow him to find fault with little things or start quarrels. Thus, a mistress is a free psychologist for a man.
By wasting time on a married lover, a woman deprives herself of the opportunity to create a relationship with the goal of starting a family.
Self-deception and a feeling of loneliness on holidays and weekends, the need to hide a lover from your family and loved ones.
There is almost zero possibility of creating a serious relationship, because if he once had a relationship on the side, then nothing prevents him from repeating this experience in the future, even if a new official marriage is concluded.

Typical mistakes of abandoned women

The main mistake of a woman who has been abandoned is scandals and hysterics. She tries to cling to the past, which only makes the situation worse.

Forget yourself with the help of alcoholic drinks. If you want to relieve stress, relax a little, have a heart-to-heart talk with a friend, a glass of wine will not go amiss. However, trying to drown out the pain of parting with large amounts of alcohol is the path to rash actions and problems.
Overeating due to stress. Of course, you can treat yourself to extra candy or order your favorite pizza. This will help you relax a little and take your mind off what is happening. However, there is a great danger that you will want to repeat it the next day. All this leads to extra pounds. This will only add a new problem. The best thing is the right combination of food and exercise. Join the gym, become the best version of yourself.

We figured out why a lover leaves and how to continue living in new circumstances. Perhaps the time has come for changes and dramatic changes in a woman’s life for the better, which she did not dare to make as a mistress. The main thing is not to despair and try to turn even failure into an advantage for yourself. Good luck!

Prerequisites for saying goodbye: options

It is impossible to hide the connection indefinitely. Sooner or later you will begin to feel that you are not living your life, but yours is passing by, and loneliness and hopelessness will become your constant companions. So maybe you shouldn’t waste your life on this and think about how you can break up quickly and no longer meet with your married lover. Do this so that the situation does not develop into negativity, mutual accusations or experiences that can last for years.

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You need to think everything over carefully and understand how your separation from your lover will proceed. A married man is unlikely to agree to such a step right away, even if many reasons are given. You need to act decisively and quickly in such a situation. The main thing is not to doubt that thanks to this the future will turn out much better.

Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly

Only you can decide how best to get out of this situation:

The quick method is extremely radical and painful for the parties to the relationship, but allows you to resolve the situation without additional loss of time. Alternatively, you should turn off your phone, block the man’s number, move to another area or stay with relatives in a neighboring city, and go for permanent residence abroad, if possible. Distance creates a serious obstacle to continuing the relationship and will open up opportunities to find a potential spouse. At one moment, all connections that existed between people are cut off, without explanations or meetings.
Some women cannot cope with feelings and emotions. They break down under the weight of their emotions and meet again with their ex-partner. For such women, a slow method is preferable, in which a radical rupture does not occur. Since the distance from the object of love occurs gradually step by step.

Breakup plan

Whatever path you choose for further action, you will need a breakup plan:

Take a sober look at the situation . Think about why you decided to break off your relationship with your married lover. If you are not sure that the decision to stay with someone else's spouse is correct, a list of reasons will help you understand the circumstances. When compiling it, an understanding will come of why a break is necessary and that the relationship has no prospects for the future. By reminding yourself of the reasons for the breakup, you will understand that the time has come to end the affair and tell your lover that we are breaking up forever.
Change your behavior . Remember that you are not in love with a real man. You completely changed your attitude towards him after deciding to break up. Remember that when you date someone's spouse, they paint an image of an ideal and perfect guy. You don't see him for who he really is. Be self-sufficient - tell them about the breakup first.

How to get over a breakup

To make it easier to finally make the decision to break up, use a well-known technique that has long become a classic: counting the pros and cons of the relationship. Try to find as many positive aspects as possible in the upcoming separation. Think about them, how tempting your state of inner freedom will be, how many new opportunities will appear.

This will serve as good motivation for a difficult decision and will help maintain the woman’s status as single after she has separated and is not dating a married man. Use this time to your advantage, take care of yourself and your affairs to quickly get out of the difficult emotional state of the breakup.

Avoid meetings and conversations

If you have found a way to break up with a long-married man, quickly or slowly, it's time to start taking practical steps. It is better to do everything possible so that the man does not find you. Change your place of residence, turn off the Internet and block your phone. All attempts to “sort things out” must be resolutely refused and the demands ignored.

When ending a relationship, you need to cut off all opportunities for contact with your former lover, avoid meetings and conversations. If you are colleagues or neighbors, do not be alone with him. Try to completely erase your ex-lover from your life.

Discuss the problem with a loved one

If you have a relative or friend you can confide in, discuss the problem with your loved one and talk to him about your decision to end the affair. Come up with a plan together on how to beautifully break up with a man; you need to explain to your lover as clearly as possible that such an attitude is unacceptable and there is no desire to continue the relationship.

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Try not to be left without support during this time. It would be a good idea to discuss the problem with a loved one. Invite a friend you trust and talk it out. This will help you look at the situation from the outside. Try watching comedies or your favorite cartoons, order or cook a new dish. The main thing is to try to avoid alcohol: it can cause a rush of memories, which can make it more painful.

A change of scenery

You will also need a change of scenery. Take a break. There are many ways: playing sports or completing a quest with friends, driving or makeup courses - it’s up to you to choose. The main thing is to have more new positive emotions and thrills, this will help you get over the separation easier and quickly forget about how to separate from your married man, especially if the decision has already been made.

Find your favorite thing

During this period, there is no need to re-read literature, blogs, websites with articles on how painful and quick it is to part with your lover. If this has already happened, you should completely distance yourself from the problem and start making plans for a new life alone. Perhaps direct your attention to the courtship of other representatives of the stronger half.

The best way is to find something you love and practice a hobby. Any activity can become an outlet: handicrafts, soap making. They will fill all your free time. Finding something you love means for you to escape from sad thoughts and enjoy life again, forgetting the past. Even if you love, but have decided to break up with your married lover, you cannot indulge yourself, correspond with him, send reports about your day, letters about how difficult it is without him. This can lead to a renewal, and ultimately a delay in communication.

Take care of your appearance

If during a date with her lover a woman looked “at 100,” then now is the time to change her behavior. Become less tender and caring, you can simply “turn on the bitch” and start demanding something beyond your control from your lover. There is no need to pick out the best clothes and do your hair while waiting for a date with him.

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In the absence of your lover, you can visit a salon, go to a spa, take time for pleasure, and take care of yourself. It is recommended to sign up for yoga or a gym or dance class. This will not only restore your emotional state and physical health, but will also open up new opportunities and increase self-esteem.

After you decide to break up with the man you love and who is married, change your image. Change your hairstyle or hair color, visit a stylist, or update your wardrobe. Treat yourself to new shoes and a blouse, or maybe a new perfume? Shopping always helps to cope with a bad mood.

Control thoughts

The most important thing is that if you have made a decision and finally decided how to break off a relationship with a long-time lover, go to the end, without turning back. Control your thoughts and do not allow yourself to even think about the possibility of restoring a completed relationship. You will have a difficult and possibly very long period after the breakup. If a relationship lasts a long time, ending it is not much more difficult or easier. It all depends on the mood of the mistress and her determination to change herself and her life, to start living in a new way.

Don't start new relationships

And one more piece of advice: take your time. After you have spoken about breaking up, and telling your lover about a breakup is not as easy as getting over it, it is better to take a break and not start a new relationship for at least the first couple of months. Before you start dating a new man, calm down and try to understand yourself.

What to do in such a situation

Young lovers often leave women because they want variety, new emotions, a beautiful body. Surrendering to depression and looking for the negative in everything is not a solution. The girl needs to pull herself together, start a new life, try to get rid of bad thoughts. You shouldn’t think about whether your lover will return or not, you just need to live on, develop, find a hobby for the soul.

Psychologists often encounter such problems of modern girls, so they know exactly how to act in this situation:

New hobby or interest. Find a new resource to receive a positive emotional charge, go in for sports, dance, music. Your free time from work should be completely filled. This will help compensate for the lack of attention, care and affection. If you start doing what you really like and plunge into a carefree life, bad thoughts about losing your loved one will immediately fade into the background. Thanks to the acquisition of new pleasant hobbies, any losses are experienced much easier.
Journey. New countries and cities always have a positive impact on the health and psyche of a person who experiences mental pain and disappointment. Go on a trip to any country, take your friends with you, and spend this time usefully. During rest, any negative thoughts will fade into the background, and impressions will fill all the emptiness that was created after the breakup.
Self-development and career growth . Learn to be a strong woman, improve your career abilities, improve skills that will make life much easier. Take advanced training courses, go on business trips, where you can also meet new friends. For most unhappy women, work is a sufficient constant consolation that helps them cope with any life difficulties.
Get into a non-serious relationship. Sometimes it is another man who allows you to forget your ex, fill your heart with new feelings, and suppress negative emotions. But also take into account the level of psychological state, so that such an act does not make yourself worse.

Every girl can find herself in a similar situation, so it is important to know what to do in order to cope with everything, maintain self-esteem and not lose confidence. Dedicate as much time as possible to development and interests, do not focus on those things that cannot be returned back.

Useful advice from psychologists

When breaking up, you should listen to the recommendations. Advice from a psychologist on how to break off a relationship with a married man you love:

Please understand that you are not the first to ask this question. Try to learn from the experience of other women, how they broke off relationships and quickly reached a different level of life and perhaps legitimized a relationship with another man.
You need to break up decisively. Think about how to tell your lover that we are breaking up as openly and sincerely as possible. Prepare a short and concise speech in which you clearly describe the problems and experiences that you experience while being in this relationship. He needs to understand that you are suffering from the toxicity of your relationship. Understand that you are not obliged to tolerate such a man’s attitude towards you, sacrificing yourself and your interests, spending your life in expectations.
Throw away the gifts. In order not to cry every time remembering him when your gaze stumbles upon the photo frame or souvenir he gave him, just get rid of it once and for all.
Accept yourself. As a rule, women who agree to the role of mistress have low self-esteem. They are not confident in themselves. An insecure woman, if she does not love herself, will continue to attract partners who sense and exploit her vulnerability. Men, like predators, instinctively sense weaknesses and behave according to how she feels about herself. This applies to both women who are free from official relationships and those who are married. If you are unable to part with your lover, it means that he will continue to use the relationship. Therefore, understand yourself, agree with yourself about everything that causes internal contradictions. Accept yourself as you are. Self-sufficiency, love and self-respect are what any woman needs to put first. Remember that you are alone.
Everyone makes mistakes; the past cannot be changed. Leave this relationship in your memory. Breaking a relationship with a loved one is always a painful and difficult experience. But nevertheless, there is no point in holding on to someone who does not belong either morally, physically, or legally. Time will pass, not as much as it might seem, and the pain will begin to subside. It will become easier. You will feel the way you feel after a long illness - light and free.

If the decision on how to painlessly part with her lover has not been made or the woman cannot decide to take such a step, then it is important to remember that life goes on and a meeting with a worthy man is still ahead. New fans will definitely appear in your life. Let some of them into your life.

Don't be afraid of a new romance, but most importantly, it should be a story about a relationship with a new man. With a new, free person and joint plans for the future.