How to break up with a married man: tips and best ways

Whether to break up with her lover, and at what point it is better to do this, each woman must decide for herself independently. The fact remains undeniable that maintaining a dual relationship is tiring for all the men involved in this interaction, which means that not only the lady will be in a bad state. At a certain stage, a choice may arise or the situation will turn towards one’s own reluctance or the impossibility of such a continuation, despite all the advantages and expected development.

If you start a relationship, showing your ability to betray, without appreciating what you have, then you should understand that the lover also views you as a temporary option and all the planning at night after the pleasure received about the development and deepening of interaction can only concern the first moment in order to maintain illusion. Breakup happens, so it makes sense to end an unsuccessful relationship yourself, doing it as correctly as possible, rather than waiting for an unexpected collapse.

The first step to parting with your lover will be to admit in your inner world your changes and unwillingness to continue, to see that you have no longer been chosen as the only woman. The lover is already sharing you with another, which shows your minimal value and lack of responsibility for your destiny, perhaps he himself has another relationship. It may seem that this is equality - you are not obliged to anything, the two of you have an official relationship, but on the energy of continuation, priority and care, neither you nor your partner have completely chosen each other.

That buffer that helps to preserve the main relationship, to receive what is not given (or there is no opportunity to ask) from a permanent partner, is the desire to take without paying for the good of one’s own soul, the inability to return any experiences, an infantile position in building interaction.

When the thought “I want to break up with my lover” arises, then questions should arise about what the relationship brought me, because then, without drawing conclusions, you risk returning to an unsuccessful relationship, repeating the scenario ad infinitum. Before any radical changes, it is important to understand yourself and your needs, because no matter how frustrating the relationship is, they are optimal for satisfaction, and it is worth finding other more comfortable and nourishing ways for the soul to restore gaps in desires.

After your own needs have been identified, you need to look at your partner without various filters. According to the theory of systemic constellations, a lover is not the destiny of a lifetime, not met by coincidence before - it is simply an element that allows one to stabilize the relationship between spouses. He has his own unique set of negative habits that can infuriate him much more than his husband’s shortcomings; he can be extremely disgusting in everyday life, but seem ideal simply because you rarely see each other.

If a couple finds the ability to talk to each other frankly, to present their needs not in the form of a scandal, but of necessity, then it often turns out that the third is not needed and evaporates on its own. You can get the same awareness without direct contact with others, but in your own head, using your imagination or with the help of a psychotherapist. As a result, you risk getting a not very pleasant image of not an ideal, but a very real person, with whom it is much easier to part with.

How to get ready for a breakup

Being a temporary mistress, not everyone knows how to break up with a married man without causing harm to him, themselves, or his family. To save yourself and improve your personal life with a more worthy man, you need to make the right decision - to break up with your lover.

READ The girl stopped communicating as before: reasons and ways to solve the problem

Putting an end to a long and hopeless relationship is not easy. Therefore, here you will need the help of psychologists who give practical advice showing how to painlessly break up with a married lover:

Look at the situation soberly. Some women are simply obsessed with “forbidden” partners, and therefore unknowingly spoil their lives, introducing fear, constant stress and negative emotions into it. You need to evaluate the qualities of your partner. If they are truly ideal, then you need to try to fight for your happiness.
Put yourself in your wife's place. No one ever wants a “third wheel” to appear in the family. If you don't know how to end this, put yourself in your wife's shoes and feel all the pain and suffering that she is experiencing at the moment.
Look at relationships not through rose-colored glasses. Sometimes we don’t notice all the pitfalls, we build unjustified illusions and see only what we want. You need to reconsider the relationship and behavior of your partner, try to identify all the disadvantages that will not allow you to be happy in the future.
Don't look for excuses for your partner. Being in a state of wild love, women stop noticing shortcomings and disrespectful attitudes towards themselves. Under no circumstances should you look for excuses for a man’s actions; it is important to look at the situation soberly. And if, after six months or a year of relationship, the partner does not make plans to leave the family, it is worth leaving such a man.
Make plans for the future after the breakup. It is important to understand exactly what goals need to be achieved in the near future in order to spend minimal time and nerves on worries and memories.

If you know about these tips and try to implement them fully, parting with your beloved married man will be less painful and fatal for a woman. Psychologists recommend taking this moment less seriously, without worsening the quality of your life, without losing its meaning.

The role of temperament during a breakup

Temperament influences behavior in different life situations.

Each type has features:

Choleric people approach relationships pragmatically and do not consider creating a family their main goal. They study a potential partner for a long time, looking for similarities in interests and outlook on life. Such people rarely fall in love, but they leave the relationship quite painfully and become strongly attached; due to frequent changes in mood, they are able to abruptly break off ties, even if they regret it.
Sanguine people primarily look for a friend in a partner and strive for variety; they tend to fall in love often. They do not strive for constant control over their chosen one, they are generous with attention, and love to give gifts. Feeling discomfort in a relationship, sanguine people quickly pull away and easily leave.
Phlegmatic people see their partner as a helper and choose with their mind, not their heart. They seek traditional relationships and predictability, value accepted moral principles highly, take relationships seriously, and are slow to let people approach you. Phlegmatic people leave after carefully weighing all the pros and cons and justifying the decision.
Melancholic people are the most sensitive of all types. These people value romance, devote themselves completely to new relationships, become emotionally attached to their partner, and make sacrifices and concessions. They idealize their partners, have high expectations and are often disappointed, and they endure separation hard, do not let go of feelings for a long time and cannot hide them.

What thoughts will help you break up?

A breakup is always scary, painful and offensive, no matter what the situation is. Having feelings, it is much more difficult to leave, and you need to be prepared for this in advance so as not to injure either yourself or your partner.

Parting with a beloved and dear married lover forces you to prepare for this on a subconscious level, to deal with your thoughts, which will go in the right direction.

The following thoughts will help you get ready for a break:

Imagine that a man left his wife for his mistress, and then did the same with you, finding “love” on the side. Does such a man deserve your time and suffering?
Review all the pros and cons of your partner. If in a state of wild love certain shortcomings seem trivial, think about what will happen in a few years.
Put yourself in the shoes of a wife and his children who find out that a faithful, loving and kind father wanted the love of another woman. Feel the experiences and childhood traumas that you can inflict through your actions.
Sort out your head, go in for sports, find a hobby that, after a breakup, will be the best assistant in the fight against stress and anxiety.
Say the words for separation in your head several times, choose softer expressions to show the man that family is the most important thing, and exchanging it would be stupid and wrong.

Never ask a man to remain friends, because if you continue close communication, you will never get him out of your head and start your personal life. It is much easier for a woman to break up with her married lover than it might seem at first glance.

The main thing is to find all the priorities in life and love yourself enough not to share your loved one with someone else. Only after such thoughts and actions can you easily and painlessly leave such a lover.

Reasons for goodbyes

Here are some of the main reasons why you need to break up with your beloved “married man” :

It happens that a man leaves routine family life for his mistress . After all, there is variety, sexual passion, and no boring boring everyday life;

Important! A relationship with a lover is just a lustful attraction, a spark for a change.

with a busy man on the side .
Insufficient attention from a man , because he will spend the main holidays and weekends in his family, with children. And there won’t be as much time left for the mistress as she would like.
There is unreliability in a person , because he can put an end to his adventures at a completely unexpected moment.
There may be more than one mistress . Only a man knows how many partners he can choose for himself on the side. Therefore, it is a mistake to believe that you are his chosen one. You should not think about your uniqueness and assume that there will be no betrayal on his part. For him, perhaps, it makes no difference at all which woman brightens up his time.

If a man has a desire to have a relationship on the side, then it will come true, no matter who this woman turns out to be.

Solidarity for another woman . Any wife can be cheated on; you can show a little respect to a woman who is constantly betrayed.

Attention! For many married people, after dating on the side, family relationships only improved. After having a good time and throwing out all the emotions and mental negativity with new women, the men at home became calmer and more content.

An awkward feeling of guilt in front of his wife stops the husband from quarreling again; in this case, the mistress plays the role of free psychological help .
If you live in anticipation of your “married partner’s” divorce, you may miss real opportunities to build a relationship with a free young man .
A feeling of lies and secrets , because you won’t be able to appear at events with your lover and you need to keep the relationship secret. There will also be a feeling of being busy - there seems to be a guy, but it won’t be easy to introduce him to his parents and friends.

Prerequisites for saying goodbye

Relationships with a married adult man most often lead to failure and loss of time. When should you leave such a lover?

READ How to understand that a girl has stopped loving you: the main signs

There are several reasons that force women to do such an act:

Loss of trust in a partner;
Rudeness and humiliation;
Lies about leaving your wife;
Different views on life and goals;
Psychological or physical violence;
Lack of a shared future;
Partner's addictions;
Boredom, lack of feelings.

These are the main prerequisites that force women to leave men and begin to build a different life, in which everything will be different. Very often, after a woman breaks up with a married and beloved man, there remains a deep emotional connection between them, which can only be dealt with on a psychological level.

READ How to break up with a girl if you love her, but there is no future

Psychological preparation

Some representatives of the fair sex do not want to endure an uncertain relationship for a long time with a man who already has a family, so they prefer to leave a married man. The stories of these women are different: for some it works out easily, since the lover also has doubts about further communication. Others have to suffer for a long time, because the man categorically does not agree with the prospect of losing the joy of communication with two loving women.

If a woman has finally decided to break up, psychologists recommend preparing mentally for this. To do this, it is necessary to soberly and objectively analyze the situation that has developed. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated (this is exactly what is happening in your relationship now, even if you consider this connection to be your initiative). Surely you were hoping to build a serious relationship, but you were simply deceived. And if your plans included only physical relaxation, variety in routine life, or a thirst for extreme sports, consider that you have already gotten what you wanted.

Which is better to leave: quickly or slowly?

Telling a man about breaking up is sometimes difficult. Some decide to quickly cut from the shoulder, others delay this process for a long time, thereby reassuring both themselves and their partner.

Psychologists advise telling a man everything at once and in a calm state, without using quarrels and scandals.

If you are unable to say goodbye to a man on your own, make sure he does it himself. To do this you can:

stay late on dates;
ignore intimacy;
create scandals at the expense of his wife and family;
quarrel over trifles, hinting that life will seem like a fairy tale to you even without him.

Only weak women resort to such manipulations; strong individuals make quick decisions and talk about their feelings as they are. It will be psychologically correct and honest.

Breaking the rules: why is it exciting?

No conversation about relationships can avoid the sensitive topic of rules and our more than human desire to break them. Priya may be scared that she is sidelining her marriage. But this is precisely the appeal of breaking the rules - we like to risk what is most precious to us. Knowing full well about the existence of gravity, we dream of flying. This can lead to either transformation or destruction, and sometimes they are inseparable from each other.

Priya often feels like she has become a walking contradiction: alternately horrified by her own recklessness and delighted by her audacity, while simultaneously fearing exposure and not feeling strong enough (or simply unwilling) to end the affair. Surely neuroscientists would say that in everyday life she follows the rational commands of her frontal lobe, while romance is entirely the responsibility of her limbic system.

The desire to break rules is in a person’s blood. Moreover, as many of us remember from childhood, hiding, hiding, behaving badly and being afraid of exposure is very interesting, especially if you then get away with it. In adult life, all this sometimes becomes a powerful aphrodisiac.

Sexologist Jack Morin's famous "erotic equation" states: "Attraction plus obstacles equals arousal." He explains that we are especially aroused when we are a little off balance, feeling insecure, “finding ourselves on the fine line between ecstasy and disaster.”

This helps us understand why people in happy, stable relationships are also attracted to the opportunity to break the rules. Priya is tormented by the question: what if, just once, I act as if the rules don’t apply to me?

Fast way

If you have 100% decided that you do not want to be with a person and are ready to break up with him, you need to do this as quickly as possible. Every day only brings more difficulties, and the sooner you tell the whole truth to a person, the faster you can return to your old life.

Psychologists recommend using the following methods to answer the question of how to break up with a married man:

Say that you have fallen in love with another;
Convince the person that all your feelings for him have cooled;
Agree to be only a temporary mistress who does not want to build a serious relationship;
Tell him that you realized the mistake and don’t want to take him away from the family.

Quick ways to break up are always better than quarrels, scandals and decreased self-esteem for yourself and your partner. In such cases, psychologists recommend learning to burn bridges and never return to the past.

READ How to leave a girl who loves you and not offend her

Or maybe...?2

What if he still leaves her? I love him so much, we feel so good together.

What if I don’t love anyone like that again?

What if I can’t find anyone else?

But what if?

How strong is our faith in miracles!

There is a chance that you will be together.

But!

Let's add a little (blatant lie, actually a lot) ointment to the ointment:

He may decide to divorce for a long time. And when we say “a long time,” we don’t mean months or even years.

And decades.

Think about it. Decades of lonely evenings, New Years hugging a bottle of champagne and the president’s speech. Decades of secret dates and asking your parents when you'll introduce your boyfriend to them. Decades of pain, jealousy and agonizing waiting.

Life is in his rhythm. You will go on dates and go on vacation when it is convenient for him. You'll miss your friend's wedding and your parents' wedding anniversary. You will cancel your business trip or even refuse to move abroad. And all for the sake of being with him. After kissing you goodbye, he will return to his wife and go to bed with her.

To everyone who is familiar with your situation, you will be a homewrecker. The bitch who ruined someone else's family and left the children without a dad.

Still thinking about continuing this relationship?

Then here is the last argument for you - more than 70% of men return to their wives after some time. Considering the fact that most of them, in principle, do not leave their wives, these 30% are a pathetic bunch of renegades. Two and a half diggers.

Why do they return to their wives? Yes, because their rose-colored glasses fall off. The mistress turns into a wife and begins to download her license. Everything is already clear with my wife. You know how to calm her down and how to appease her. But with this new girl, not a damn thing is clear. Why should I go into all this?

No, dear, I'm going back to my wife.

Breakup plan

Breaking up with a married lover is not easy, sometimes women ask questions regarding how to break up with a married lover if there are feelings, but the realization has come that this is wrong. Here are some tips that will help you do everything right and less painful for both of you.

Take a sober look at the situation

Not knowing how to break off a relationship with your beloved married man, you should look at the situation with different eyes, excluding all embellishments and falling in love. Each person is endowed with shortcomings that are not immediately considered, or even do not allow us to pay attention to them at all.

Every day you need to evaluate a man from the other side, begin to notice his shortcomings, which over time, on a subconscious level, will lead to a breakup. If you do not want to face the boomerang effect, immediately agree with yourself that you will end all relationships with this person and will build a completely different personal life that will not cause pain and disappointment to anyone.

It is enough to convince yourself that a married person is not your option. And a prince awaits you on a white horse, who will be free and loved only by you.

Change your behavior

Changing your behavior is one of the quick and accessible methods that answer the question of how to break off a relationship with a married lover. To do this, you need to become a little rude, callous, avoid intimacy, try to pay more attention to yourself, ignore calls, then call back after a certain time. For any man, such behavior will immediately be alarming, making you wonder what followed such indifference.

In addition to the relationship, you can increase your demands on your lover. Request expensive gifts, demand trips to expensive restaurants, travel together. This behavior will alert a man and make him wonder whether he needs such an object of attention.

After such behavior, you can safely invite the man to break up, and he will most likely agree to this without any problems.

How to get over a breakup

When deciding to leave a married man, women can still be depressed for a long time. It is associated not only with the loss of a strong shoulder, but also with drastic changes in life and responsibility for oneself. In order to adequately survive the situation, you need to know about all the advice from psychologists that show what to pay attention to and focus on, tuning into a positive wave.

Avoid meetings and conversations

After a breakup, people for a long time cannot get used to the idea that this really happened, that they are no longer in each other’s lives. As a result of this, communication lasts, rare meetings occur, which only disturb the psyche and make the heart break.

Psychologists strongly recommend immediately stopping communication and any meetings, taking willpower into your fist, and being distracted by other interests. If possible, you need to immediately change the situation, go on vacation to another city or country, recharge with new emotions, and not visit those places and establishments that only remind you of the loss. If we are talking about a boss and a ward, it is best to change jobs. You also need to get rid of joint photos, gifts and any things that from time to time may remind you of your former love and the unsuccessful end of the romance.

The more attention a woman pays to herself, the easier it will be for her to cope with all the difficulties after a breakup. Men sometimes experience loss much easier, and nervous breakdowns, depression and other psychological conditions bypass them.

Discuss the problem with a loved one

After breaking up with a man, a woman should not be left alone. She needs to surround herself with maximum communication, even if she doesn’t want to talk to anyone at all. If you don’t have a loved one nearby with whom you can discuss the current situation, you need to find an uninterested interlocutor and simply talk it out to him. The more people know about your experiences, the easier you will feel inside.

If you have the strength and desire, you can throw a small party with your loved ones; it will definitely make you forget about what happened, at least for a while.

A change of scenery

Not knowing how to behave after breaking up with a married man you love, you first need to change the situation. In this context, absolutely everything is meant:

job change;
changing of the living place;
trips;
extreme actions;
driving school training.

Any new emotions and sensations will allow you to switch to a pleasant wave as quickly as possible, and will help you forget about the breakup and your past life.

Find your favorite thing

If you've always wanted to take care of your figure, improve your skills at work, or learn English, now is the right time. After the loss of a loved one, you should always try to become a better person, no matter who initiated the separation.

Doing something you love helps not only distract you and occupy your free time, but also make new acquaintances and friends, and improve your emotional state. The main thing is not to take on all your desires at the same time, so that due to excessive fatigue you will not stop what you started.

Take care of your appearance

After changes in life, many may become depressed and completely forget that they are beautiful girls. If, after your mistress breaks up with a married man, it is not clear how to move on with your life, you should take care of your appearance and improve it.

A beautiful woman is a confident person! As soon as you see a beautiful, bright and well-groomed lady in the reflection, thoughts about your ex will immediately stop bothering you and creating an emotional conflict with yourself.

Control thoughts

Positive thoughts are 90% of success. The way a girl thinks after a breakup speaks volumes about her strength or weakness. Thoughts should always be positive, you should exclude any self-pity, get rid of memories, delete all photos that provoke it.

You need to remember that thoughts are always material. And the more bad things are present in them, the worse future life will seem. It is important to find harmony with yourself, not to succumb to depression and stressful situations, to lead an active lifestyle and enjoy what you have.

Don't start new relationships

After a breakup, the “wedge by wedge” method is extremely rarely correct and appropriate. First, you need to plunge into your thoughts, understand yourself, understand what you really need now. It’s better to actively get down to business, develop, improve your beauty. Only after complete harmony with your thoughts and self-confidence can you look at other men and think about the future.

Talk

Before leaving the married man you love, you need to prepare yourself mentally (this was discussed above). Then they should act in the following way: do it quickly and sharply. Don't let yourself or him doubt your decision. First of all, think about your upcoming constructive conversation. There should be no place for tears, aggression, insults, reproaches or conditions like: “If you had spent more time with me (left your wife, etc.), I would have stayed with you.” The conversation should be calm, concise and uncompromising. Don't give yourself a single chance to hesitate, you have already decided everything. It may be cruel to the lover, but he does not deserve to be treated differently. This person has wasted a significant part of your life without giving you the opportunity to live it fully.

Useful advice from psychologists

After a breakup, both men and women may experience psychological problems that need to be dealt with.

To easily cope with the biggest disappointment in your life, it is important to listen to the following advice:

You need to radically change your image: dye your hair, get eyelash extensions, get a haircut, grow bangs. With a change of image always comes a new life, in which there will be no past memories.
If possible, go on a trip. Any change of scenery will be beneficial after a breakup. You can take a vacation, go with a friend to the sea or to another city for the weekend. Once you return, you will see improvements in your emotional state.
Don't hold on to past relationships. At first, you need to fight with yourself, with your habits and desires to call or write to your ex. Such manipulations will only aggravate the situation and destroy you from the inside even more. Psychologists recommend cutting off all connections and meetings from the first day.
Engage in self-development. A beautiful and confident woman never goes unnoticed. Just love yourself and you will see how much the world and others love you.

These tips from psychologists will help you tune in to the right wave in life, gain psychological stability and get out of a state of depression and depression as quickly as possible.