I'm afraid of my husband's betrayal: how to get rid of obsessive thoughts

In this article we will tell you:

1. Reasons for fear of betrayal
2. The main signs of fear of betrayal
3. Ways to deal with the fear of betrayal
4. Medication assistance for pathological fear of betrayal
5. Mistakes of women that make you really afraid of your husband cheating

“I’m afraid of my husband’s betrayal” - it is this obsessive thought that often torments girls who have already experienced betrayal in their personal lives. It’s even worse when such manic fear begins to haunt a woman whose family is generally doing well. Then this is clear evidence of personal psychological problems.

In any case, healthy and strong relationships should be built on mutual trust, and not on empty reproaches and worries. We will tell you in this article how you can get rid of the fear of betrayal and live in peace.

Reasons for fear of betrayal

When you love a person, jealousy is present in the relationship. The main thing is that it be moderate, since too jealous behavior is another, sad, story.

Each of us at least once in our lives has experienced a feeling of anxiety for a loved one. However, you need to learn to control your emotions so as not to harm your loved ones. So, if your boyfriend is constantly jealous of you, then this is a serious reason to think about pathology, which is almost impossible to fight.

Psychologists say that this is not a character trait or a temporary phenomenon. As a rule, a painful behavior pattern is a pathological deviation. However, with the right and timely approach, it can be corrected.

Why does jealousy arise? The reasons can be very diverse: lack of self-confidence, childhood traumas, negative experiences in relationships, complexes, etc. Let's look at each of these reasons in detail.

• Negative experience

This is one of the most obvious and simple motives for jealousy. For example, a man had experience of a relationship in which a woman constantly cheated on him. Or a young man has repeatedly witnessed regular quarrels between his friends over female infidelities. So he unconsciously transferred someone else’s experience to his life. And he began to fear that sooner or later his woman would also cheat. Often a man subconsciously expects his partner to cheat and tries by all means to prevent this situation. So he begins to be jealous of her for any reason!

• Childhood trauma

If your childhood memories are such that your parents showed more love and care towards your brother or sister than towards you, then it turns out that you were regularly deprived of the love that a child so needs in childhood.

Gradually, the opinion formed that there is always someone better in the family, who is loved more. In the future, these attitudes are transferred into adulthood and into one’s own relationship with a partner.

• Diffidence

Lack of self-confidence and strength, complexes also lead to constant jealousy of the partner. This happens when the relationship is based on fear. A woman is afraid that her chosen one will leave for someone more beautiful, interesting, younger, etc. She imagines cheating in everything, and this becomes an obsession.

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• Sense of ownership

As a rule, traditional culture represents a man as the head of the family, a person who provides for his loved ones and is responsible for them. A certain kind of sacrifice and humility is expected from a woman: she can sacrifice a lot for the sake of her family. Such attitudes are laid down from childhood and are instilled in the child every day. So, growing up, a man can feel some kind of power over a woman and even permissiveness. Such a person perceives his wife as property who must obey him in everything, controls her actions and dictates his own rules. If the woman does not obey, then he begins to lose his temper, and jealousy takes on even more severe forms.

• Mental disorders and other illnesses

Often, constant jealousy on the part of a man is a sign that he may have mental disorders. In some cases, perhaps even schizophrenia.

Provoking factors

Cheating is a blow to feelings. It can be either regular or an isolated incident. Every betrayal has a reason; if it is identified and eliminated in a timely manner, long-term relationships can be built.

By nature, a man is polygamous. Scientists have proven that after 3 years of marriage, the love idyll ends and if the couple does not make an effort to maintain the relationship, this will push them to look for new partners. In men, the reproductive instinct is similar to the instinct of animals: the more contacts, the more offspring. To prevent this, a woman should always remain interesting.

Women's infidelity is caused by their partner's inattention. They push a woman into the arms of another, where she can feel loved and desired:

• lack of romance in relationships;
• everyday problems;
• the opportunity to prove your importance to yourself;
• a woman can be provoked by her husband's betrayal.

Both men and women can be equally susceptible to the fear of being deceived and becoming a victim.

The main signs of fear of betrayal

It is important to understand the difference between fears of betrayal that are caused by real facts and those that are based on one’s own internal problems. If betrayal does happen, then it should become an experience, but not a reason to then be afraid of betrayal in a new relationship.

Let's look at the main reasons for fear:

1. Constant control of the beloved . Losing power over another person is the main fear of betrayal. The young man believes that if he controls every step of his significant other, then betrayal will definitely be avoided. However, such excessive control looks extremely oppressive. The husband can even limit the freedom of his wife, establish possible rules that are acceptable only to him. It seems to him that these tyrannical methods can save him from his wife’s infidelity.
2. Hysterics . A person can no longer cope with his fear and emotions, aggression becomes more and more obvious and constant. A woman can easily fall into hysterics, shed tears, scream, break dishes, and use blackmail. It is doubly difficult if the man in a couple loses control over his fear. After all, this literally creates a threat to the entire family.

How to behave if you find out that you are being cheated on?

Consider the situation: just yesterday you found out that your partner cheated on you. What to do?

Psychologist Oleg Ivanov

recommends first of all not to cut from the shoulder. Express your emotions, but don't make decisions. If you want to scream, swear and cry - please. But don’t rush to throw things away or kick the cheater out of the house. This is how the first stage passes - the stage of denial. This painful period can last quite a long time, up to two weeks. While you are in a state of shock, it is difficult to make any adequate decisions regarding your future relationship. So give yourself time - as much as you need.

Next comes the acceptance stage. Yes, there was betrayal, nothing can be fixed. You need to calm down and choose further tactics of behavior:

– If your partner regrets, repents and asks for forgiveness, make a decision whether to continue the relationship or not.

– If cheating implies separation (the partner leaves), then you need to try to let go and move on.

“Any decision requires a serious and thoughtful conversation with your partner. And also a look at the situation from the outside. Cheating doesn't always mean breaking up. If partners want to stay together, it is important to view cheating not as a betrayal, but as a starting point for a new relationship. Don't look back, your goal is to move on. To get out of the crisis and restore trust, serious joint work is needed. But if a couple copes with this, their relationship will certainly become more serious and deep,” notes Oleg Ivanov.

Photo: YAY/TASS
Maria Babushkina advises talking with your partner about why this happened and how to live further - together or apart. If you are experiencing cheating in your relationship, consider the following questions: ⠀

1. What's going on with your relationship? Maybe you are in crisis? How are things going in the sexual sphere?
2. In a relationship, does everyone get what they would like to receive?
3. What would each partner like to receive that was not available in your relationship?
4. Did cheating help meet everyone's needs?
5. What plans and guidelines does everyone have after what happened? ⠀

“These questions don’t have to reduce the pain of cheating, but they can help analyze what’s happening and provide a basis for dialogue with your partner. Everyone decides for himself whether he is ready to forgive betrayal or not. Advice from friends, mothers, celebrities is useless; everyone has their own, unique situation. The most important thing in the process of healing trauma from betrayal is to switch from endless analysis of who is to blame and think about how this can be corrected. We cannot control another person. And we may never even understand the true reasons for his actions, we will not be able to understand his needs. Our values ​​and desires may be different. And this does not mean that you urgently need to reshape yourself in order to match someone else,” says Maria Babushkina.

Ways to deal with the fear of betrayal

Psychologists are sure: if the phrase is constantly spinning in your head: I’m afraid of my husband’s betrayal and betrayal, you need to look for ways to get rid of obsessive ideas. The main thing is to choose methods that will help cope with negative experiences, since they can harm not only the victim herself, but also all her loved ones.

• Body work. We can say that the main method of increasing self-esteem is self-improvement. So, any physical activity not only has a beneficial effect on your appearance, but also allows you to fight anxious thoughts and obsessions. By attending group classes, the victim of fear can meet new people, get distracted and look at the whole situation from the outside.

  Jogging, Pilates or yoga will help you gain self-confidence and feel inner harmony.

• Working on thinking. Without working on your thinking, you will not be able to cope with fear. Constantly thinking about your partner’s betrayal means doubting the correctness of your choice. But a loved one deserves trust and respect.

  Psychologists advise paying attention to auto-training, which gives good results. Systematic exercises will help get rid of obsessive thoughts, increase self-esteem and improve your overall mood. The main thing is to fight your insecurities and pay more attention to your strengths, of which every person has many.

general information

Fear of betrayal and jealousy are close in meaning, but still different concepts. Many people confuse these phenomena. If jealousy, within reasonable limits, is useful, since it does not allow passion in a relationship to fade, then such a mental anomaly as fear of betrayal can destroy the relationship.

Fear of betrayal is a feeling that can significantly ruin your life.

This fear is based on distrust and suspicion towards everything. A partner may be an exemplary family man, but the other half is constantly expecting betrayal.

It is necessary to define the very concept of treason.

Medication assistance for pathological fear of betrayal

I'm afraid of my husband's infidelity, betrayal... Such fears force me to live in constant stress and can even lead to depression. If you want to significantly reduce the symptoms of fear, you can use one of the following medications:

• " Phytosedan " helps prevent the negative destructive effects of stress. This is an absolutely natural herbal mixture that needs to be poured with boiling water and allowed to brew for about 20 minutes. The course of treatment lasts about two weeks.
• " Persen " has a relaxing and calming effect. It is especially effective in acute neurotic conditions, as it relieves feelings of fear and anxiety. It is enough to take one tablet three times a day.
• " Deprim " is an effective remedy in the fight against obsessive thoughts, as well as depression. The therapeutic effect appears after two weeks of treatment. However, if you notice that your condition does not improve, you should stop taking this drug and consult your doctor.

Infusions of soothing herbs and healing decoctions from them can help in the fight against nervous excitability and irritability. Such plants include peppermint, motherwort, lemon balm, and valerian. You can prepare an infusion yourself by pouring a glass of boiling water over 1 teaspoon of herbs. The decoction must be left to steep for about 40–50 minutes. You should take half a glass no more than 3 times a day.

Use immersion therapy

Driving away bad thoughts is not always the right tactic. Sometimes psychologists recommend looking fear in the eye: imagining in vivid colors that the man you love has cheated and fantasizing about what will happen next?

Usually after this comes the realization that life does not end there, and maybe it is just beginning.

All this can be imagined in an absurd form, for example, fantasizing about how, after betrayal and divorce, the ex-husband will evade alimony for the cat, or how the wife and mistress will become friends and run away to Mexico, leaving the cheater with nothing.

Humor can help change your attitude towards a frightening situation.

Development of events or debriefing2

Option 1

The average woman successfully gives birth to an heir, goes on maternity leave and enthusiastically takes care of the child. Rattles, cubes, all kinds of early development schools, walks, menus for babies. In general, the time is completely devoted to the offspring. But, besides this, there are other chores: cleaning, washing and other things. It's good if he succeeds. If not, you can always cover yourself with a diaper and make an offended face. There is no time left for my husband.

The spouse has to be content with a short greeting, listen to a huge stream of information about the number of “sneezes, poops and peees”, learn about promotions on diapers and choke on a steamed cutlet with the remains of porridge. An attempt to mention one’s affairs runs into a blank wall of indifference. My wife is simply not interested. Even if she listens, everything will fall on deaf ears. Her mind is busy thinking about the baby. It’s good if the spouse gets access to the body in the evening.

But there is a high probability of an endless “shh, be quiet, you’ll wake me up”, jumping out of a hug in the middle because the baby squeaked, and most likely it will sound “not today, dear, I’m too tired.”

Attention question! Who started to betray whom? Well, just like that for a minute, purely rhetorically... Option 2

Option 2

The woman decides that she will definitely not be a slut. And she begins to attend all kinds of trainings and seminars for advanced mothers on maternity leave. If he has enough strength and dexterity, he will open his own business. During endless courses, a nanny is invited for the child, home-cooked food smoothly turns into fast food, and all conversations boil down to endless stories about a new trend in psychology, business and other equally exciting things.

Constant travel with a group of like-minded people turns the wife into a “flying Dutchman” who is not visible, but is there. And the husband sits in the evenings with dumplings from the supermarket and a child on his lap, and communicates with his wife only in instant messengers. And again a rhetorical question: who betrayed whom.

There is another option - the third. But this type of wife usually does not face betrayal by a man.

The impact of a phobia on life

Fear itself is a defensive reaction. An acute reaction of the body always has a specific root cause and reason. The reasons can be formed from early childhood, when the basic concepts of an adult are laid down. Even the thought of betrayal, anxiety, or a random event becomes the reason. The irritant creates the appearance of danger, to which the body immediately reacts.

The phobia is based on the victim’s low self-esteem: she accepts fear and does not consider herself worthy of better. The cause of an irrational illness is experienced psychological trauma or developing primary phobias. Whatever the reason for the fear, the subconscious interprets it as a normal reaction. The more often a person thinks about a traumatic event, the more often panic attacks occur.

The meaning of the word "adultery" in various dictionaries

Interpretations of the analyzed concept can be found in various sources of reference literature. In this section we will look at academic definitions of the concept of “adultery”. What does this word mean according to language dictionaries?

The Small Academic Dictionary of the Russian Language gives the following meaning of the analyzed concept: “marital infidelity.” In this case, the man or woman receives the missing pleasure, combined with the danger of publicity.

D. N. Ushakov considers the word “adultery” in two versions:

1. The fact of adultery.
2. The person who committed it.

The dictionary of foreign words understands “adultery” as betrayal by one of the spouses to the other.

T. F. Efremov interprets this linguistic concept as outdated and proposes to consider it the infidelity of a husband or wife.

The modern explanatory dictionary also provides a description of the concept of “adultery”. The meaning of the word is formulated here as “adultery.” In this case, the semantic group includes such components as “compensation for the lack of thrills”, “extramarital affair”, “sexual relations”, “emotions”.