Love with a pen pal: is it possible to fall in love with a person on the Internet?

Is it possible to fall in love on the Internet?

You correspond with a person every day, receive compliments and sweet speeches , it seems that you have a lot of common topics, the same views, the interlocutor is sweet and charming.

A feeling is born . This is not love, but rather sympathy, infatuation. You are drawn to a fictitious image rather than to a real person about whom little is actually known.

The ideal picture is a figment of the imagination. After meeting in the real world, fantasies may dissipate, the person will turn out to be less attractive, and the feelings will go away.

In the event of a more favorable development of events, if there is confirmation of pleasant impressions, communication will continue. And in this case, the birth of love is possible.

If you or your interlocutor refuse to transfer acquaintance from the virtual world to the real one, preferring to enjoy illusions, perhaps not everything is going smoothly in your life at the moment, there is a feeling of dissatisfaction.

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Rules of communication for guys

To please a girl, you need to conquer her. And when the only tool is correspondence, you have to rely mainly on personal qualities and communication skills. For some, this comes naturally, but if you don’t feel strong enough or experienced enough, I’ll help you with the basic rules.

Be polite. Say hello, say goodbye, inquire about news and well-being, and say thank you.
Be interested. Don't just ask the trivial question “what's new?”, ask about the girl. About what she likes, about childhood, about plans, about opinions on various issues.
Try to write in an original way. Tell us how unusual some events look to you. Ask unexpected questions, praise for the unobvious, make jokes.
Don't pester me with questions. If a girl doesn't answer, she might be busy.
Follow the rules of spelling and punctuation.
Don't talk about everything. There is no need to retell everything that is happening in your life and demand the same from the girl.

Prerequisites for the development of feelings

What were the preconditions for the feeling to arise? Perhaps it:

Disappointment . Online affairs are a common consequence of disappointment in real relationships. After a breakup, a person is not ready for a new serious relationship for some time. The soul is not yet sick, the past has not been forgotten. Correspondence allows you to cheer up, feel needed, and at the same time gives a feeling of protected personal space where you don’t have to let your interlocutor in. When there is discord in family life, virtual flirting helps to get the emotions missing in life, add bright colors to life, while some manage to save the family.
Personal characteristics .
Lack of self-confidence, complexes about appearance, physical disabilities, fear of being ridiculed and rejected interfere with dating in the real world. There are people who are closed by nature. The Internet provides an opportunity to meet shy people, homebodies and introverts who do not know how to start live communication, who do not like and do not know how to meet people in real life. In online love, it all starts with conversations, expressing thoughts, finding out common interests and similar worldviews. Appearance and social status are relegated to the background.
The desire to gain recognition . To be liked, to hear approval addressed to you, to receive a positive assessment of your activities is pleasant. If these steps come from a stranger and are repeated many times, it fascinates and excites. New acquaintances attract because they give a new portion of admiration. They get carried away by a person, wanting to receive even more attention and interest in their personality, and then they are not far from falling in love.

Relationships or the illusion of relationships? The main problems in online relationships:

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What attracts you in correspondence with the opposite sex?

Pros of virtual relationships:

proximity effect. You can share secrets with your interlocutor, tell personal stories, and spill out what you don’t want to tell your loved ones. In response, you can get a response to your feelings, or silence and misunderstanding. You need to be prepared for this.
complete freedom of expression of thoughts, absence of fears and boundaries. Without blushing, you can write on any topic, debate, discuss any issues, and not be shy about anything.
no need to worry about your appearance, bad hairstyle or unironed suit. The interlocutor does not see you.
distance doesn't matter. You can communicate with a person from the other side of the planet. If the language barrier allows. And feel like the closest people with him.
the right to choose. It's up to you to decide with whom to communicate and with whom to take a break in the relationship.
You can simply block a boring or unpleasant interlocutor. In real life, this is more difficult - it is not always convenient and polite to tell the truth to your face.
availability of time . On the Internet you don’t need to react instantly. You always have time to come up with an original answer to a question, think about what and how to write correctly in order to interest a person of the opposite sex, emphasize your strengths and hide your shortcomings.
the opportunity to experience very real emotions . You may be overwhelmed by joy, sadness, tenderness, admiration, jealousy. It's all for real.

What words to write to a girl you know

On the one hand, it is easier to establish communication with a girl you know - because you already know each other and can guess what she likes and how best to communicate with her. On the other hand, it’s more difficult, because she has already formed an opinion about you and is guided mainly by it, and not by emotions. You need to think about how to start a conversation with a girl. Knowing your weaknesses, she dismisses you as a potential partner in advance. Changing this opinion and creating feelings can be difficult. The main task in this case is to express your own intentions and show yourself as a young man, and not a friend. And the best tool for this is flirting. It should be light, unambiguous, but not vulgar.

Here are ten examples:

“Yesterday you looked so stunning that all my phrases for tackles simply flew out of my head.”
“It’s a pity that you left so early - you didn’t have time to stop admiring it.”
“How about coffee tomorrow night? I haven’t heard your laughter for a long time, I’ve already missed you.”
“I’ve heard so many good things about your Labrador—can’t wait to meet him!”
“The pencil skirt you wore recently opened my eyes to the beauty of your legs.”
“Without makeup, your eyes are even brighter and more expressive—a rare trait!”
“I’m ready to talk to you for hours, but work doesn’t wait. Shall we continue in the evening?
“Your sense of style is great. Can you give me some tips on how to organize a wardrobe?”
“They say that Coffeemania has excellent mocha, but I’ve heard where they make it the coolest. Shall we check it together?
“Don’t you have a few mountains to move? Because you inspire me to do great things, and I need to do something with all this energy."

Use emoticons and emoji in your communication to make your correspondence brighter and more expressive, but don’t communicate exclusively with them. Send pictures, gifs, videos and music so that the correspondence is not boring and monotonous and there are more topics for discussion.

Cons of Online Relationships

Disadvantages of online relationships:

You have very little information about your interlocutor . Everything that is available is taken from his words. The relationship is based on faith in what he says and how he describes himself. On the Internet, everyone shows only what they want. A correspondence lover will not show his negative qualities and character traits. And during face-to-face communication, all this will definitely appear. Your hero may not want a serious relationship, but openly lie, asserting himself at your expense. But in relationships on the Internet, everything is built on unconditional trust.
In correspondence, people often offer fictitious information about themselves , embellish, endow themselves with non-existent advantages, and invent unrealistic details of their lives.
This is especially true for interlocutors with low self-esteem: on the Internet you can be strong, beautiful, successful, without considering yourself such in reality. Sometimes in reality the partner may be of a different age, and even gender. On the Internet it is easy to be someone you are not. No one will notice the change.
You independently invent the character traits of your interlocutor , attribute non-existent qualities to him and create an unrealistic image. By idealizing your hero, making your chosen one the very best, in a real meeting you can be very disappointed.
Vast distances may separate you. And if you suddenly decide to transfer your love to the real plane, it will be difficult to do.
Psychological dependence may occur . You are constantly drawn to the computer, there is no time left for walks, hobbies, or live communication. If at a certain moment the interlocutor does not get in touch, it is difficult for you to cope with his absence.
Correspondence relationships are illusory ; in real life, partners remain lonely, or live not with the objects of their ardent feelings, but with completely different people.
Virtual love can be dangerous. There are mentally unstable and anxious people online.
If you do agree on a first date with a guy on the Internet, be sure to arrange it in a public place.

Social network addiction, virtual love, internet addiction, psychotherapy:

Prospects

Having fallen in love by correspondence, people want to meet in reality and live a long and happy life together. This is where disappointment overtakes many.

Sometimes a talkative, sociable interlocutor disappears after an offer to meet .
He is busy all the time, there are many important things to do, there is a rush at work, family circumstances urgently require him to move to another city. Most likely, your hero has reasons to leave the relationship purely virtual, so as not to turn from an ideal into a completely less than ideal person. Or he already has a very real relationship with someone other than you. In any case, the persistent reluctance to meet and excuses should be alarming.
Once the meeting has taken place, sometimes not everything goes smoothly. A person can be the complete opposite of the created image. You will have nothing to talk about. The relationship ends, you are overwhelmed with a feeling of resentment and injustice.

Most close correspondence relationships end overnight after the first real meeting. Sobering up is a common outcome of the first dates of virtual lovers.

Cases when online correspondence develops into true love, ending in a wedding and the creation of a happy family , happen less frequently. They are possible if you know how to behave correctly and how to communicate if you want to continue the relationship.

Myths and tragedies of virtual love:

Is it possible to feel a person from a distance? Find out about this from our article.

Final thoughts

Admit that such letters could greatly decorate and enrich your life. So what’s stopping you from writing a love letter to a loved one, even if you’ve lived with him for 45 years and just this morning you were drinking tea together in the kitchen and complaining to each other about insomnia and pain?

Love has many languages, many ways of expression, including such a unique way - verbal. Through the written word, without physical contact, without touching or kissing.

Now is the time to master this language perfectly so as not to put your loved one in danger. And let your love letters touch the heart of your loved one! The soul will understand, tremble and reciprocate!

Advice from psychologists on how to communicate

Psychologists recommend adhering to the following rules:

be yourself. There is no need to invent non-existent hobbies for yourself, lie about your social status, or attribute the achievements of others. If you want to meet the object of your feelings, the lie will definitely be revealed. This will put you in an awkward situation. And who would want to start a serious relationship with deception;
talk about more than just yourself. Be more interested in your interlocutor, ask questions. Look for topics that interest both of you. You don’t really want to continue communicating with self-obsessed individuals;
communicate politely and reservedly. Try not to make mistakes when writing. Vulgarity and illiteracy are a deterrent;
use your sense of humor . Funny jokes and the ability to laugh will defuse the situation in case of awkward silence and enliven correspondence;
be sincere, no need to play a role and pretend. Do not dump your problems on your interlocutor, avoid complaining about life and fate;
Be careful, there are a lot of strange people, swindlers and scammers on the Internet. Don't mindlessly give out your personal information and phone number. Try to get to know your interlocutor better first;
Don't get hung up on love correspondence. Real acquaintance will take the relationship to a new level.
The faster it happens, the less you will have time to think about each other. Don’t delay, if you feel that you have found a congenial person who can change your life, invite him on a date.