A woman’s natural desire to find love. And this desire is not always fulfilled with the appearance of a husband. We tell you why women need a lover, who he is, and what his responsibilities are.
Is a lover good or bad? There is no clear answer to this question. All people are different, as are life situations. Everyone chooses for themselves. In any case, the existence of a lover is an indisputable fact. By the way, doesn’t it seem strange that the words “lover” and “love” have the same root?
- Why women need a lover
- Lover: who is he and his responsibilities
- Risks for a woman with a lover
Common reasons why a married woman takes a lover
Often, the reason why a married woman takes a lover is simple disappointment in marriage. At the beginning of a relationship, people reveal only the best sides of their character to each other, and even at the very beginning, a person is often driven by passion.
In marriage, various difficulties arise that cannot always be resolved without quarrels. As a result, relationships may begin to “crack at the seams” over time, and sex may even become rare.
In order to feel attractive and desirable again, a woman decides to find a relationship on the side, without rushing to file a divorce from her husband.
Often, a lady is pushed into betrayal by the news of her husband’s infidelities.
Systemic reasons
According to statistics, most often representatives of the fair sex look for a partner on the side, having crossed the thirty-year mark. But why do women find lovers? Systemic reasons and psychology are completely different for men and women.
- For representatives of the stronger sex it is a search for new sensations, exploration of the unknown and diversity.
- For ladies, these are attempts to fill the gaps associated with material, emotional and other needs. Wives also often cheat on their life partner out of despair.
Having a lover helps a lady look more well-groomed
Common reasons
Why do you need a lover, what reasons push a married lady to cheat:
- Boredom. Not only men cheat out of boredom, but also women. This reason is especially true for those ladies who are at home, do not work and are trying to find new entertainment for themselves in any way.
- Dissatisfaction. A monotonous family life, when both spouses have thoroughly studied each other’s preferences in bed and can predict every next action, becomes boring over time. The effect of novelty disappears, which leads to irritability. In this case, a woman most often sees the only way to get long-awaited satisfaction in bed - to find another man.
- Conquering a new object. Some representatives of the fair sex cannot live without flirting and are often unable to stop the game in time, as a result of which cheating occurs.
- Curiosity. This reason is especially suitable for those ladies who married innocent or who did not have much experience in their sexual life.
- Financial side. This reason sounds ugly, but if the husband is not able to buy his wife an expensive thing that she dreams of, then the woman begins to look for financial support on the side.
A single lover in love can cause a lot of problems in the future if he decides that the lady should be his only and does not want to share her with her husband.
It is noteworthy that unfaithful wives are most often not ready to leave their husbands. For them, an affair on the side is just a way to diversify their life. While I don’t want to change my established life at all.
READ
How to forgive the betrayal of a loved one
A wife who is not distinguished by fidelity is almost always in a state of stress, fearing that her relationship with another will be revealed
Other popular reasons
Other popular reasons why women find lovers include:
- Life Ensuring the cleanliness of the apartment and preparing food - all this falls on women's shoulders. Performing the same actions every day can throw any woman off balance. Meetings with a lover are free of hassle - only romance and fresh sensations reign here.
- Lack of support. If the husband takes all his wife’s actions for granted, does not provide support, ignores all problems and is not capable of masculine behavior - this is another reason why a woman needs a lover.
- He's incredible. His facial features are beautiful, and he himself looks like Apollo, who makes a woman feel like a queen - in this case, even the most highly moral person is unlikely to be able to say “stop” to herself in time and not disappear in his arms.
- Revenge. No matter how trivial it may sound, the desire to take revenge on her husband for cheating and show him what it is like to be humiliated forces the wife to find a lover.
According to statistics, husbands are not inclined to stay married to their cheating wife, even if they themselves have a mistress
Risks for a woman with a lover
- Bacterial vaginosis and STDs. You need to use a condom with your lover to protect yourself from unpleasant consequences, for example, from unwanted microflora that provokes vaginosis and thrush. There is no guarantee that a man has an intimate relationship only with you? He could get an STD from another partner and not know it until symptoms appear.
- Uncertain paternity. An intimate relationship with a lover can lead to an unplanned pregnancy if the rules of contraception are accidentally violated, for example, the condom breaks. How can one determine in this case who the father is if there are regular intimate relationships with both?
- Family breakdown. If your spouse finds out about your affair, it is possible that he will want to file for divorce.
Thus, lovers are not only a source of hatred and a catalyst for disintegration, many psychologists believe that they can save a marriage by becoming a reason for renewing relations with a spouse. But still, if you have a lover, then you need to take all measures to minimize the risks of meeting him.
Source
How to have a lover: pitfalls
Married women find it somewhat more difficult to have a man on the side than those who are not burdened with obligations. But, on the other hand, many representatives of the stronger sex prefer married mistresses, since this option eliminates the need for future marriage.
So, a few tips for a successful search:
- You can engage in a targeted search or rely on the will of fate, for example, cherish the hope of meeting in a cafe or other places.
- It is better to choose a lover who lives far from the spouses' home.
- You cannot tell anyone about your search, especially if it was successful, even your friends.
- The best option is a married man, who also benefits from keeping meetings secret.
As for the pitfalls: there is a danger of confusing passion with love. A woman, if she wants to save her marriage, must not lose her self-control.
It is necessary to be aware that new sensations, even if they add spice to a measured life, do not have a deep meaning.
Before you decide to cheat, you should think about the fact that such an act could cause your marriage to fall apart.
Lover: who is he and his responsibilities
A lover is an object of love, a man, a sexual partner who enters into an intimate relationship outside of official marriage. From a psychological point of view, women are accustomed to romanticizing the image of a lover and associating this man with real feelings, love and passion.
The main responsibilities of a lover through the eyes of a woman:
- Feel passion for a woman and show desire. Anytime and anywhere.
- Be able to give a woman maximum satisfaction. Intimacy should be such that the partner “is in seventh heaven.” She can endure and pretend in bed even with her husband.
- Talk to your lover only about pleasant things, for example, about how beautiful she is. He shouldn't talk about his problems. That's what a wife is for, period.
- Must spend time with a woman. Five minutes of sex in the office toilet is not a good time. With your lover, for example, you need to celebrate all the holidays, of course, even if not every day, but you should still spend romantic time together outside of bed.
These are the main tasks of a lover. If he cannot cope with them, then it is worth looking for another candidate. At the same time, financial assistance and solving women's problems are not the responsibility of the lover - this is the husband's lot. Of course, if the sexual partner has a desire, then he can give such a bonus, but you should not demand additional “care” from him.
Pros and cons of female infidelity
Every lady decides to commit adultery for certain reasons, but it is worth noting that female infidelity has both positive and negative sides.
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How to start a new life with children after divorce
Positive sides:
- This act gives a feeling of power over another man and increases self-esteem.
- Allows you to change your life 180 degrees and experience vivid emotions that were so lacking before.
- Gives a feeling of novelty and allows you to get a thrill.
- Regular sex has a positive effect on women's health.
- Cheating for revenge can be a good way to humiliate your husband and at the same time experience new emotions in bed with someone else.
An unfaithful husband is most often not ready to forgive his betrayal of his wife. Do not think that such an argument will be accepted.
Negative sides:
- A girl who has a lover is constantly in a state of stress, as she is forced to hide him from her husband and come up with constant excuses about her delays at work.
- You need to take care of yourself. Over the years of marriage, passion fades away and the husband is no longer as important as what his wife looks like, unlike a lover who wants to see a beautiful picture in front of him.
- The possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or becoming pregnant from a partner, even if contraception is used during intimacy.
- The possibility of destroying a marriage if the husband becomes aware of his wife’s betrayal.
Dissatisfaction with intimacy with a spouse is a common reason for a wife's infidelity
Systemic reasons
Statistics say that the average age of a representative of the fairer sex when she gets a partner on the side is usually 30 years or more. Why do women have lovers? The psychology of men and women is completely different in a situation where someone appears on the side.
For men, cheating is a search for something new, still unknown, a kind of variety. For a woman, these are attempts to make up for what her man does not provide, be it financial, emotional or any other need. And very often beautiful ladies cheat out of despair.
It happens that the husband does not even understand what is happening, because at this time his wife behaves almost impeccably. She is a wonderful housewife, she takes better care of herself and looks better, she is always in a great mood and has fewer complaints about her husband. Even self-esteem becomes higher.
And this is so because she is no longer so attached to her man and is not afraid of losing him, because she is already enjoying the connection on the side. And since there she already gets enough of what she needs, in marriage with her partner, she is no longer so dependent on him.
Some statistics
Experts in the field of family issues conducted a study where the fair half was asked to answer the question whether a married woman needs a lover. The respondents were also asked to answer the question whether they had cheated on their husbands.
So, according to the data obtained, the following statistics were compiled:
- 57 out of 100 women experienced deep feelings for their lover, even love.
- Before reaching the age of 40, 47% of women working in an office and 27% of women working at home had cheated on their spouse.
- Representatives of the fair sex who work in an office full time are more likely to have a man in secret from their husbands than those who work from home.
Every third marriage breaks up due to adultery on the side
Is the husband to blame for his wife's betrayal?
Men and women have many gender differences established by society, upbringing and physiological aspects. For guys, the manifestation of love is expressed in the amount of money earned, ensuring a decent standard of living for their family. For a girl, emotions, warmth, tenderness, and care are more important. When a woman feels loved, she will be faithful to her husband.
READ A dish that is served cold, or how to take revenge on your husband’s mistress
Can we say that betrayal is entirely a man’s fault? No, the responsibility lies with both partners. If a wife does not feel happy, does not receive from her husband what is a priority for her, then she can look for another man. The couple needs to figure out what led to this situation.
A woman needs kind words, signs of attention, a common language with the person she has chosen for marriage. Mutual understanding can make relationships sincere, without betrayal and deception on the side. If a man pays attention to his beloved woman and gives her romance, then married life will improve.
When spouses cannot understand each other or come to an agreement, sooner or later one of them will start an affair on the side.
Psychologist's advice
According to psychologists, a married woman consciously comes to the desire to cheat on her husband. Most often, in this case, betrayal occurs through the fault of a man who either himself cannot boast of fidelity or has ceased to see his wife as a woman.
Almost any betrayal is the result of the wrong actions of both spouses when there are problems in the relationship and family.
Be that as it may, even if your wife has had adultery, you should not leave your family for your lover, especially if he does not need it. You should also stop in time so as not to be discovered by your husband.
Thus, it is impossible to unequivocally answer the question of why a married woman takes a lover. Cheating can happen for completely different reasons. Moreover, it is worth noting that even the best husband, who honors and wants to please his other half in everything, can be devoted.
conclusions
Why might a married woman commit adultery? The reason for this may be disappointment in the partner, in one’s own choice, in the feelings that have arisen. Or a too early marriage, when at first they were completely different people, but over time they turned out to be so strangers to each other that it turned out to be impossible to change anything.
A wife always experiences her loneliness very hard, even if her husband is next to her. Physically, but not present in her inner life. She can throw out her dissatisfaction by going to some thematic forum of offended wives, but someday it will seem to her that this is not enough, and then he will appear. After all, why would a woman, completely satisfied with her family life, look for some feelings and connections outside of it? Will she need someone else if she is happy with her partner here and now?
If you analyze the reasons why they have lovers and try to understand what can be done about it, then it is quite possible to improve your married life. It is important to be open and talk about your dissatisfaction, grievances, and expectations.
Lover after 40
How to find a lover after 40 years? This question is asked by many girls. Not only a young lady, but also a mature woman can have an affair on the side. There are a large number of cases when betrayal in the family occurs at this age, and often this happens precisely on the part of the fair sex.
The main thing is not to lose faith in yourself and constantly be loved, and then you will radiate confidence in your own attractiveness, and the desired relationship will find itself.
To feel a second youth - that’s why young ladies after 40 need a lover. This has a positive effect on health, since sex is beneficial at any age. In addition, a lover at 50 years old is a chance to once again experience the beauty of a relationship, which includes romance, flirting and falling in love.
The path to intimacy and fidelity
This is not as bad news for men as it seems. A normal woman does not demand the moon from the sky, and a man who wants to prevent such scenarios does not have to turn himself inside out. All that is needed – and we have successfully walked this path with dozens of clients – is to understand what a woman wants and learn to “speak” more or less well in her “language”, and not just in your own. Moreover, “everything new is a well-forgotten old”: during the courtship period, most men somehow coped with the task and gave their beloved kind words and flowers, knew how to listen and sympathize, some even managed to be gentle and courteous.
So, men, nothing is impossible. Pay more attention to what brings your life partner joy, what puts her in high spirits, what makes her happy and delights. For as long as you will be the source that fills her heart with love, for that long you will be her only beloved man to whom she will be faithful.
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female psychologycheatingloverlove trianglemale psychologymarried relationships
—What can push a woman into the arms of another man?
Question answer
What do women want from sex? — There are several reasons, but the main one is the lack of emotional support from a man. Perhaps the woman lacks a sense of her own attractiveness and importance in the eyes of her husband. At the same time, she may really love him, her family, children, home, but she needs affection, compliments, attention, but her husband does not give them.
It happens that a woman not only lacks emotions, she does not need a family. However, she remains married because society puts pressure on her: marriage is once and for life, you have children. And the woman is trying to find some kind of outlet in this situation, because, in essence, everything does not suit her. The only thing that can help her feel happy is the care of another person. Such women in their affairs on the side do not chase enviable lovers, but respond to almost the first person they meet, who captivates her with conversations about the stars and scatters them with compliments.
There are betrayals due to lack of adrenaline. When a woman’s life is normal, but she’s incredibly bored. And suddenly some corporate evening arises, where she drinks a glass of wine and immediately finds herself a hero, next to whom she can feel already forgotten feelings. The most important thing in such betrayal is to hide from someone. This is a kind of quest - “Hide your love from everyone.” The woman lacks game, and she finds it on the side.
In addition, it happens that a man simply does not satisfy a woman in sex, and here we are talking about both the most banal physical dissatisfaction and emotional, but more often both are present.
And some people cheat out of spite. When a wife finds out that her husband has a mistress, she tries in such a strange way to take revenge on him or prove to herself that she can still please men.
Good men rarely leave. But by “good” I don’t mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half.
— It turns out that if a woman cheated, the man is guilty?
Article on the topic
Is loneliness a torment? Why do we suffer from lack of communication - No. In any betrayal, both are to blame. But men are inherently polygamous and, even when married, pay attention to the opposite sex many times more than women when thinking about sex. And a woman, when she finds a man whom she loves and is comfortable with, plunges headlong only into him, letting others pass by. For her, marriage is a kind of status, she values it. Good men rarely leave. But by “good” I don’t mean Batman, no. I mean a man who satisfies the emotional needs of his other half. If a woman is not satisfied physically, she is able to survive this, but if emotionally, then most likely she will look for a relationship on the side. The excuse “I make money and this is my main function that makes her happy” does not work. A woman can understand with her brain that her husband works, she lives in a luxurious house, she has an expensive car, her children study in the best schools, but at the same time she will feel very lonely.
Inessa Armand and Vladimir Lenin7
The same person who will forever remain in world history as a controversial figure - Vladimir Ulyanov (later Lenin) early married Nadezhda Krupskaya. They were both educated, well-read, and translated Marxist works from English.
Vladimir Lenin and Inessa Armand
Nadezhda had been his reliable companion for a long time. They hid together, traveled with fake documents, stayed in Europe and were engaged in revolutionary activities. She came to him in exile in Siberia. Over time, she developed Graves' disease. She began to feel unwell, her face became puffy and her eyes bulged.
At the beginning of the 20th century there was no effective treatment. She had part of her thyroid gland removed, but that didn't help much. A hundred years later, effective hormonal medications and low-traumatic operations appeared, but at the beginning of the last century there was little choice.
Inessa was an extraordinary person. Before she began becoming a revolutionary, she was married twice and gave birth to four children. Lenin's book made a strong impression on her. After which she joined the Bolsheviks.
She was in exile, fled to St. Petersburg, went into hiding, and moved to Switzerland. I buried my second husband.
The fateful meeting took place in Brussels. Lenin at that time was already 39, and she was 35 years old. What attracted them to each other? He was a fiery, authoritative figure, a banner of the revolution. She is lively, bright and extraordinary.
Armand, Lenin and Krupskaya
Historians still argue about whether there was a connection between Lenin and Armand. Inessa openly advocated for the recognition of the institution of marriage as unviable and promoted free love. Her adventurism, artistry and desire to fight were fascinating.
In 1917 she arrived in Russia with Lenin in a sealed carriage. Friendly relations reigned between Armand and Krupskaya. A year later, Inessa was sent to help French soldiers, she was arrested, but she was released. Lenin threatened to start a war with France, so the government decided not to aggravate the situation.
In the modern imagination, Armand was a feminist who fought against patriarchy with all her might. She died of cholera in 1920.
Famous examples8
At the beginning of the twentieth century, Spencer Tracy was a sought-after actor. He won an Oscar twice and played many iconic roles. He was married, but this did not stop him from having an affair with Katharine Hepburn. They played in several films and this contributed to the development of sympathy. However, Tracy never divorced his wife. He was a Catholic and therefore divorce was not allowed.
Among lovers and mistresses you can find many interesting and mystical stories. Marilyn Monroe was a sex symbol, a beauty icon, and her favorite was none other than Kennedy. There were rumors that she preferred his brother, but she chose John.
Marilyn Monroe and Kennedy
For the public everything was decent. Marilyn visited the White House by invitation only. They didn't advertise the rest. Some believe that the diva was the reason for the murder.
Another famous Kennedy favorite is Judith Exner. She was first Campbell's wife, then Sinatra's mistress, and then the muse of presidential candidates. Jacqueline knew about the affair, but could not do anything. But Dujdit did not remain faithful to John either and went over to the famous leader of the criminals.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were secret lovers. They met on the set and dated for five years. Pitt's legal wife has received sympathy from others for a long time
