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In psychological practice, the phenomenon of maternal hysteria is often encountered. This is an emotional state that occurs as a result of prolonged stress or severe nervous strain. At this moment, emotions and experiences control the woman so much that she cannot curb them and take control on her own. You need to know what reasons underlie this behavior and how you can effectively help the mother cope with this severe mental condition so as not to harm the child.
Definition of hysteria
From birth, a close emotional relationship is established between mother and child. The baby unmistakably recognizes the woman who gave him life by her voice and hugs, and especially needs her affection, care and love.
Babies react very sharply to their mother’s mood swings.
If she is upset, worried, scared or worried, the child will definitely feel it and begin to worry. A special unity remains even in adulthood, so many mothers find it very difficult to let their children go into independent life.
Hysterics are strong emotional outbursts, during which the mother does not always behave adequately, screams, swears, cries loudly and waves her arms. At this moment, it is very difficult for the fair sex to control themselves; they get rid of the accumulated feelings of fear, mental pain, sadness, uncertainty - from all those negative experiences that they cannot cope with.
During hysterics, women are not aware of their actions and find it difficult to calm down without outside help.
Hysteria has the following development mechanism:
- as a result of external factors or internal experiences of a woman, which arose in the process of active mental activity with constant “chewing” of negative emotions, there is a strong impact on the nervous system;
- the mother begins to irrationally perceive any events and the attitude of the people around her, thinking up and attributing to her family and colleagues thoughts, feelings and actions that are unusual for them;
- over time, the situation worsens, as the woman’s psychological state heats up, the colors become thicker, and experiences accumulate, which leads to an emotional explosion.
The resulting closure turns off the voice of reason, leading to inappropriate behavior during hysterics, loud screams, crying, and sometimes a nervous breakdown.
Often, hysteria can be a manifestation of various mental diseases or the result of problems with the nervous system. Sometimes such behavior is a character trait: for example, due to lack of self-confidence, excessive compassion. Psychologists call such patients “hysteroids” and emphasize the fact that it is important to be able to distinguish a hysteria caused on everyday grounds, in order to clarify relationships, from a clinical one, which is based on impulsive manifestations of personality.
Women susceptible to hysteria have a delicate mental organization and an easily excitable psyche.
Being self-centered people, they are focused only on their experiences, so they allow themselves to throw a tantrum from time to time.
Often, mothers’ tantrums become a way to effectively manipulate children. Over time, this model of behavior becomes fixed at the subconscious level: without realizing it, a woman will behave in a similar way every time she needs to achieve a certain reaction from a child.
She yelled at the child, but didn’t hit her
Most of my life passed under the slogan: “Just don’t touch him!” This was my mantra, my eternal, barely audible muttering to myself. When your hands clench into fists, and scarlet sparks of rage fly from your eyes. When you want to convulse on the floor from the anger that grips you. And you allow yourself to scream so hard that your own eardrums burst, and the child is pressed somewhere into the horizon line.
But you understand that this is still better than hurting him. And you scream, almost not understanding the words, with only interjections, obscene words, supported by an animal roar, and it is very, very difficult for you to stop.
And you will experience this cry later together. When he grows up and also learns to yell in response, because of adolescence, because of self-affirmation, because he is also angry and full of rage, and because once upon a time, in childhood, you allowed him to do this in advance with your behavior.
Have I tried not to yell? Yes. But it didn’t work out for long. Because children are a constant test of the strength of a mother’s patience. They don't do this on purpose. But this is how it develops day after day.
When you accumulate within yourself during the course of a day everything that the universe throws at you: a boorish saleswoman, a disgruntled boss, being a second late before the train departs, a torn bag near a puddle, and God knows what else. Because you are a working mother and you have a child. Or even children. And a lot of problems, as a rule.
And in the evening, you yourself don’t notice how one single phrase, “well, maaaaam, I don’t want to, leave me alone,” becomes the last straw. The same one.
Which is immediately followed by an explosion.
But it's still better than a fight.
And how good it is, you think, that at least he’s never been beaten. Your child. He's just a little psychotic. From an eternally screaming mother. But at least physically intact.
Causes of female hysteria
To cope with hysteria, you should know the main factors that influence its development. Let's take a closer look at the reasons that cause hysterics in mothers.
- Problems with the nervous system. Due to the peculiarities of the development of the central nervous system, a woman may be prone to increased irritability and nervousness, which will lead to constant scandals, screams, showdowns, unfounded suspicions and claims. This reason can only be determined by a psychotherapist who, after conducting a diagnosis, will select psychocorrection methods that will help the patient cope with her emotions and not lash out at people around her.
- Hormonal disorders. Experiencing a decrease or increase in hormonal levels (during pregnancy, menopause, during PMS), women become especially sensitive and vulnerable, and are subject to constant mood swings. The feeling of unreasonable anxiety and worry gives way to depression, and then a period of hyperactivity.
- Emotional release. Often, a mother’s hysteria is an effective way to throw off negative energy and relieve emotional stress. After a fit of hysteria, a woman may feel guilty for her behavior and try with all her might to make up for the negative impression she made on her child and family. An alternative way to cope with a bad mood would be to indulge in a healthy lifestyle, dancing, drawing - you need to find a hobby that will help you take your mind off family matters, relax and reduce the nervous load on the body. In many cases, hysteria occurs due to a feeling of unfulfillment, when a woman is completely absorbed in everyday life and raising a child, and she does not feel the necessary support, love and respect from her husband. Forced maternity leave, numerous family responsibilities, the feeling that no one understands or appreciates her, aggravates the mother’s psychological state, which causes regular hysterical fits.
- Stressful situations. The modern rhythm of life, problems at work, constant conflicts in the family, raising a child provoke stress. A constant feeling of fear, anxiety, worry about any reason depresses a woman’s consciousness and leads to hysterical attacks.
Understanding the reasons that led to hysteria will help correct the situation, build a healthy relationship with the child and strengthen the family unit.
Features of behavior during hysteria
Mothers prone to hysteria are prone to mood swings. Any little thing can make them feel irritated and indignant. The child has not cleaned his room, is capricious and does not obey, has not done his homework on time, has not answered when asked - all these events instantly throw them off balance and lead to a scandal.
This behavior is the result of accumulated fatigue. Mom is forced to work a lot, which is why she spends little time with her child, does not have time to raise him, entrusting him to the care of his grandparents. As a result, she begins to experience a strong feeling of guilt, shame, and increased nervousness. The woman’s relationship with her husband deteriorates, and she begins to quarrel with her parents, who keep repeating about the improper upbringing of their grandson.
Here, hysteria is a natural result of prolonged overwork and the stressful situation in which the woman finds herself. Experiencing internal discomfort and not being able to cope with her conflicting emotions, a mother can flare up and throw out all the accumulated negativity on the child.
It is not difficult to establish that the true cause of hysteria was a stressful situation.
Such outbursts occur with a certain frequency, and after the hysteria the woman calms down and feels normal for some time.
If you are prone to hysteria, existing psychological problems will be visible to the naked eye. In this state, the mother cries a lot, gets offended over trifles, ignores all attempts by her family to talk about the reasons for her bad mood, and overly dramatizes the events that happen at home.
If hysteria is a consequence of the woman’s character traits, then it will be much more difficult for relatives to understand the cause of the hysteria. Under the influence of their mood, representatives of the fair sex can cause scandals and showdowns, showing excessive theatricality, wringing their hands, shouting ultimatums. During hysterics, they do not pay attention to what their family members tell them, continuing to insist on their own.
Such behavior has a negative impact on the child. The baby will either do his best to avoid such situations and get away from the existing problem, or he will be ready to do anything just to please his beloved mother and make sure that she does not worry.
Mothers in a fit of hysterics do not think that they are harming the fragile child’s psyche by being a bad role model. As a result, children may close themselves off from their parents, not wanting to share their experiences and feelings with them.
As a result of this behavior, the child develops numerous complexes and fears, self-doubt, weak character, and may have difficulties communicating with other people and creating relationships with the opposite sex. Having barely reached independent age, the child will try to leave his parents and begin to lead a separate life, rarely being at home.
There is only one way out of the situation. Do not turn a blind eye to the existing psychological problem, but do everything possible to solve it. By seeking professional help, a hysterical mother can not only understand the reasons for her behavior, but also learn to cope with negative emotions and solve her own psychological problems.
What to do to change the situation?
- Try to get away from constant guardianship and criticism, ideally, start living separately from your oppressive mother.
- If this is not possible, then begin to behave more autonomously: do not report to her for your actions, do not tell the details of your personal life or relationships in the team, then you will not hear moralizing and reproaches
- Do not consult with her on every step - let her see that you are able to exist separately from her, make independent decisions, live your own life.
- Set communication boundaries. First of all, for myself, and then for my mother. After all, your life is yours alone. It is not simple. First, these borders will have to be built, and then protected and defended.
Of course, blackmail will begin, and you will hear that your mother is your closest and dearest person, and this gives her every right to claim your personal space.
At these moments, it is very important to remain calm and not succumb to provocations. The mother will manipulate in order to take the usual position of “on top”. And it depends only on your endurance whether you can defend your own rights to independence and autonomy.
Firmly and systematically stop attempts to violate your personal boundaries and, in the end, your mother will understand where she can and cannot go. It is important to understand that this is how your mother is and you cannot change her. Learn to accept it “in all its glory”: with criticism and moralizing, complaints and unnecessary advice.
Learn to listen calmly and then make your own decisions.
And when the initial storm subsides, try to hear behind your mother’s lectures and criticism what she is really trying to say. Perhaps she speaks of fear of loneliness, fear for you, but she cannot express her feelings in any other way.
However, it happens that the relationship with the mother cannot be “warmed” in any way and the only way to live normally is to reduce communication with her to a minimum.
In addition to solving the problem at the level of action, it is also important to work through the inner pain and emptiness that gapes like a wound in your heart. If you lived with an unloving mother, then this baggage accompanies you every day, complicating your personal life and preventing you from developing self-confidence and self-esteem.
If you see that the situation has gone too far and you understand that you can no longer cope with all this alone, come to me for a consultation, I have been working on this topic for more than 14 years and step by step I will lead you to changes in your relationship with your mother and by herself, to heal wounds, without anger, resentment or guilt.
Together we will identify and work through all those messages and beliefs that have been spoiling your self-esteem throughout your life, and we will replace them with adequate ones. We will also work through your difficult feelings so that they stop hurting you. You will learn to set boundaries without anger, regret, or guilt. As a result, you yourself will decide what kind of relationship with your mother is comfortable for you and you will be able to bring it to life. And most importantly, your childhood misfortune, the feeling of unloving, uselessness and injustice will let you go.
Do you want results ? Make an appointment with a psychologist. Carefully and efficiently
Veprintsova Svetlana Yurievna
Candidate of Psychological Sciences, family psychologist
RECRUITMENT FOR ONLINE GROUP 06/7/2021 “Relationships with a tyrant mother according to new rules”
Relationships with mom - a tyrant according to new rules: online group (12 online meetings on Mondays)
Ways to solve the problem
Despite the violent manifestation of hysteria, loud screaming and a sea of tears, this condition does not pose a danger to the health of the woman, her family or the child. During individual or group sessions, the psychotherapist will help the mother get rid of old grievances and negative emotions, teach her to cope with her fears, understand the hidden motives of hysterical behavior and control it. The wife and husband may have to sign up for a family consultation, during which the doctor will work with the partners’ existing psychological problems.
A mother who is subject to frequent hysterics will have to carry out enormous internal psychological work on her own.
If the cause of hysteria is fatigue, it is important not to take it out on the child, blaming him for all the troubles in the world, but to pay attention to yourself, trying to analyze and understand what causes an internal feeling of dissatisfaction and protest.
The ability to identify hidden emotions and experiences, as well as to be frank with loved ones, will be very useful for a woman in such a situation. You cannot turn a blind eye to the existing problem; you should remember that such destructive behavior can negatively affect the child’s psyche, so you should not be afraid to admit to your husband that you are tired and expect more help and understanding from him.
In this case, psychologists advise mothers to keep an observation diary, in which the slightest changes in mood are carefully recorded. All events that preceded the scandal and could have caused hysteria, thoughts and feelings towards the husband and child, causing the woman to be upset and worried, are also recorded.
Mom will need to stick to a daily routine, finding time to rest from household chores. Proper nutrition and regular walks in the fresh air will help minimize the effects of daily stress. You can do meditation, which will help you find lost peace and restore confidence.
In order not to constantly take it out on the child, the mother needs to find time for herself: play sports, visit a cosmetologist, read a book. A new hobby can also help solve the problem - it could be painting, cooking, photography, design or handicrafts, which will give you the opportunity, while on maternity leave, not to be angry with your child and to distract yourself from negative thoughts.
If the cause of constant hysterics is a hormonal imbalance, it is imperative to obtain medical advice. The doctor will help you choose medications that will normalize the woman’s emotional state and restore her hormonal levels.
Tips for a hysterical attack
You should not persuade a woman to calm down and appeal to common sense. This will only anger her more and lead to an even bigger scandal. She won’t be able to think logically in this state, so it’s better to let her talk it out. Be calm and do not get into an altercation, otherwise you will provoke a more severe hysteria.
- If you witness hysteria, it is best to leave the room for a while, leaving the screaming woman alone. In this case, the attack will pass much faster than if you try to sort things out with her.
- If a child witnessed the scene, be sure to see him from the room and try to stop the scandal as quickly as possible. Do something that is not at all expected of you. This will attract the woman’s attention and prevent a quarrel from flaring up. After the seizure is over, give the girl a drink of cold water, take her out into the fresh air, or suggest she walk down the street.
After everyone involved in the incident has calmed down, try to talk to the hysterical mother. Find out the reasons for her dissatisfaction, without reproaching or blaming her for anything. Focus on your own experiences, as well as the feelings of the child, urging the woman to the fact that this problem must be solved without fail.
How does your relationship with your mother affect your life?
Mom is a guide to adulthood. How it will turn out depends on my mother’s love and attitude towards us. Will it be happy, bright, filled with joyful moments or dull, hateful, devoid of any colors.
Our attitude towards ourselves depends on our mother. The extent to which we accept and love our own appearance and personality. If a mother constantly criticizes, then a mountain of:
- complexes;
- clamps;
- self-rejection.
If the mother praises, speaks kind words, and supports, the girl is assigned high self-esteem.
She values herself in any situation and knows how to defend personal boundaries. In relationships with men, she knows exactly what she wants. What is ready to accept from the opposite sex, and what will never be tolerated.
Summarize
A mother’s hysteria is a strong emotional outburst, which can be provoked by a variety of factors. This is a common phenomenon that occurs as a result of prolonged stress or nervous strain. Due to internal negative emotions, women take it out on the child, throwing out the accumulated negativity.
Often the cause of hysteria can be problems with the nervous system, neurosis. This behavior of the mother has a detrimental effect on the child’s psyche, leading to the development of all kinds of complexes, fears and phobias, causing mental disorders, and complicating relationships with other people. Working with a specialist will help a woman get rid of accumulated internal psychological problems and again feel the joy of motherhood.
