I'm really not interested in living, I don't know what to do with it, except die

Perhaps you, too, have once felt the emptiness that sometimes arises inside: in moments when we suddenly realize that we don’t want anything at all. Life turns into a “home - work - home” scheme, where neither one nor the other brings absolutely any joy. On the one hand, such a state, if it lasts for a long time, may indicate [depression], on the other hand, short episodes can only indicate that life has not been going well lately, but this can be corrected. We figured out how interest appears in general, which motivates you to develop, and what to do if it leaves you.

What is interest

In psychology, there is such a term as personality orientation - this is a set of stable motivations that motivate a person to understand what he wants and determine how he perceives the world and how he can achieve the goals that are set for him. Desires and motives themselves are dynamic and depend on a person’s situational needs, which correspond to his values and worldview, as well as certain obligations to other people. Nevertheless, psychologists identify several fixed categories, which can include everything that we are trying (or at least want) to achieve:

Installation. An individual’s unconscious willingness to act to satisfy needs.
Attraction. A stage in a person’s life when he does not yet understand what exactly he wants, but feels the desire.
Interest. An emotional manifestation of curiosity and cognitive need, which is felt as a feeling of sympathy for an object/activity.
Wish. A conscious need to get something.
Intention. The same conscious understanding of what a person plans to do.
Beliefs. A set of perceived needs according to which a person builds his life.
Worldview. Reflects a person’s views on the world, social relationships, social norms and rules.

We are most interested, of course, in interest, which is always based on different needs. For example, you may be interested in finding a cafe where you can have lunch today because you are hungry, or meeting with friends because you feel a lack of social contacts. Any conscious desire for a certain activity or object is an interest that we realize with the help of other components of the personality’s orientation. However, we often find ourselves in a situation where there seem to be inclinations, but it is not easy to deal with them, and clearly defined interests do not seem to exist at all. Or they were there, but for some reason they disappeared.

Psychologists and psychological assistance

Good afternoon!!! I want to tell you my story... I really want to talk!!! I think this is the best place! My name is Anna, I'm 22 years old! For 2 years, I dated a guy, we knew him almost since childhood, we had a serious relationship, everything was heading towards marriage... Life turned out so that we moved to different cities! Half a year later, he persuaded me to move to where he lived, I didn’t know anyone there, but I took a risk... I still believed in love then... and the word is forever! Then his grandmother fell ill, and his parents sent him to Altai to look after her, and I stayed to live with his parents in the Moscow region. I got a good job, everything was just great! Until his mother started turning her son against me! Like we’re not a couple, we’re different, that he needs to stay with his grandmother…. Sometimes it seems to me that she arranged his departure on purpose... The only thing I don’t understand is why she called me then and asked me to move in with them... We fought very often, but out of respect I kept silent more... I endured everything... and did as she wanted..... One fine day, a guy texts me from Altai, that he has cooled off towards me, that we need to part, that he will not return..... The ground has gone from under my feet..... like, the man whom I loved more than life itself! for whom you gave up everything and did everything, could he do this to me!!!? His mother was happy, but didn’t show it... I cried, she felt sorry... but I didn’t see sincerity on her part!!!! she achieved... what she wanted!!! about a week later, he calls me and asks me to move away from his parents, since this is not right: we broke up, and I live with them...... I didn’t recognize this person, it was as if he had been replaced... I was terrified it hurts….. I didn’t want to live!!!! I couldn’t go home….. I really liked my job, and my pride didn’t allow me to go back…..I stayed, stayed there! They helped with housing at work! I didn't have anyone... I thought I was going crazy!!!! I cried, constantly walked along the streets where we walked... and couldn’t believe that everything was happening to me!!!! After half a year, I was promoted at work, my salary was increased, and a colleague looked after me!!! Everything seemed to be getting better... but there was emptiness in my soul.... incredible!!!! Now, I’m not alone, next to me is that same colleague... everything is fine with us! I don’t feel love for him, but rather a dear person, support, support!!! he's different! not like everyone else!!!! Recently the same guy who did this arrived... I love it, still do! I forgave him everything! But I can’t go back, I just don’t believe it!!!! We have no future!!!!! I don’t know what to do in this situation! Give up this love that has brought me so much suffering!!!!? Or give it another chance! and not torment either myself or the person next to me? Or leave everything as it is? I don’t know…….. After what happened to me… I don’t trust people! I'm on my own!!!! I can’t tell anyone all this…. because they won’t understand, they will judge...... this makes it so bad! I'm not interested in life!

Why am I not interested in anything?

Daniel Brownie, author of The Source of Energy. How to turn on the body’s hidden reserves and stay energetic all day,” devoted a lot of time to studying the mechanisms of productivity and came to the logical conclusion that energy is not an endless source. Every day we spend it and replenish it, and when we feel a lack of strength and lack of any interest in life, this indicates that we have spent more than we could restore, and we continue to do so. When exactly and for what reason the problem manifested itself, it is impossible to say exactly without the help of a specialist and deep reflection, since some may be in a state of demotivation for several months and ignore this state, others - only for a couple of days or a week. However, there are several reasons why we may lose interest in life.

Excessive severity with yourself. John Maxwell, an American writer and speaker, in his book “The 15 Laws of Growth,” expresses the opinion that the value judgments we apply to ourselves are the most powerful psychological factor influencing our performance. Thus, it turns out that if you often scold yourself but never praise yourself, or constantly feel dissatisfied with your work, while striving to do better and better, then most likely you will lose motivation very quickly.

Lack of a compelling goal. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?”

, and if you don't have a clear answer, then that's a bad sign. Often it is the lack of understanding of what you are striving for that gives you a feeling of hopelessness and despair.

High expectations. Despite the fact that a person is capable of achieving anything if he has the desire and understanding of how to do it, there are often cases when the goal turns out to be beyond our reach. It seems to put pressure on us with the fact that it remains unattainable no matter how much effort we put in. This happens because we incorrectly estimate the volume of tasks, set priorities and deadlines incorrectly. As a result, there is no result, and this is really frustrating.

Lack of environmental support. You can strive for complete autonomy as much as you like, but people are still social creatures who largely depend on what those around them, especially their close circle, think and want. And if instead of support you are judged, confused and reminded of failure at every corner, this is understandably demotivating.

Unhealthy Lifestyle. The lack of sleep alone is worth it, not to mention irregular nutrition and the lack of at least minimal physical activity with a predominantly sedentary lifestyle. Despite the fact that physical condition is not directly related to intellectual activity, it is difficult for the body to function properly when basic needs are not met for a long time. As a result, both interest in life and motivation to do anything gradually fade away, and in the long term you risk finding yourself in a state of deep depression.

To all this, as a separate point, it is worth adding stress, which for various reasons we experience more often than expected, which depletes our nervous system and ceases to have interest in anything at all.

I'm not interesting - why do I feel this way?

“I'm not an interesting conversationalist. Uninteresting guy to girls. Not interesting to other people. No one is interested in me as a person.”

This self-awareness of oneself as an uninteresting, boring, flawed person - where does it come from?

Let's trace the components of this phenomenon

Own self-esteem

If we try to dig deeper into your soul, we will see a little person there, a child. Who really lacks a sense of self-worth.

But adequate, healthy self-esteem will always be the basis for any communication with other people.

Non-recognition, disapproval by society

Every person has a very important need - recognition and approval. This need is not only socially conditioned. It is even biologically important. Because, you see, for a person to simply survive in society, he needs the society in which he is located to approve of him.

And this desire for approval by society dates back to ancient times, when people still lived in autonomous tribes. If you are not approved by your tribe, if you behave in some way incorrectly, then the pack will expel you. And then you are doomed to death.

Lack of family recognition and approval

Plus, the need for approval and recognition from the person (mother, most often) on whom your survival depends in early childhood.

All three of the above ingredients for feeling bored and uninteresting are interconnected. How?

Here's how: there is one very interesting phenomenon. It's called the "mirror effect". The people around us unconsciously read our own self-esteem and return to us exactly the attitude that will be equal to our deep inner sense of self.

And, it turns out. Deep down, we consider ourselves a boring, uninteresting person with whom there is nothing to talk about. We ourselves recognize ourselves as flawed, bad, unimportant. And, at the same time, we urgently need people, especially close ones, to approve of us.

An internal conflict arises. The knot is tightened.

How to fix it

Take small steps

Don't start big; you'll set the bar too high, given that at this stage you're in a state of disinterest, much less willing to do anything. Think about what you previously wanted or what dreams remained unfulfilled, and then start making a plan. Research has shown that planning—even if it's short-term—helps keep you in shape and leads to greater resilience.

Introduce rituals into your life

Despite the fact that freedom, of course, is what any person needs to realize his needs, nevertheless, certain restrictions will help you not to waste time and do only what will be truly useful. Therefore, formulate a few rules, for example, how you will start your morning: with a glass of water, reading 10 pages of a book, taking a shower - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that it becomes a habit. By doing this every day, your brain will feel good and your motivation will increase.

Make checklists

If you understand in your head that you need, say, to improve a foreign language, but you don’t have the desire or energy to do it, try motivating yourself by creating checklists. Determine for yourself the optimal amount of what you are willing to do now, set a schedule, and then start marking the days on your calendar when you completed the task. For example, learn 10 words daily. And each time you do this, paint the day with a bright color, and let the calendar itself be in a prominent place as a reminder of the goal you have set for yourself.

Try to be kinder to yourself

There may be a lack of interest for various psychological reasons: from deep self-doubt to extreme perfectionism, when there is a feeling that everything should be perfect, which is almost never justified. Either reason exhausts us, and it is normal that sometimes we feel exhausted. Try to figure out how you prevent yourself from being interested in life around you. If you can’t do it on your own, you can always contact a specialist who will help determine the cause of all the problems. But the most important thing is not to judge yourself for “wrong” behavior and understand that at the heart of everything is caring about your well-being.

Tips for finding yourself

Will psychology help if you are not living your life and don’t know what to do? Undoubtedly! Psychologists and personal growth specialists know very well what to do in such situations.

Below are 15 powerful ways to get in touch with your inner self.

Don't give up and don't go with the flow. Be active and active. The famous physicist Einstein believed that life is like riding a bicycle: to maintain balance, you need to constantly move.
Don't neglect 8 hours of sleep. The habit of always getting enough sleep helps maintain health, good spirits, fresh skin and productivity.
Don't be afraid to say no. Of course, the movie “Always Say Yes” is very positive and inspiring, but you still shouldn’t take its message as a literal recommendation. You have the right to say no if you are asked to do something you don't want to do. Even if the request comes from a friend or relative.
Stick to positive thinking. Believe that everything will be fine and that you deserve it.
Don’t give in to stereotypes, don’t think in stereotypes, this will only prevent you from moving forward.
Don't stop on your way to your goal, no matter what happens. Remember that a black stripe is always followed by a white one.
Don't stay in circumstances you don't like: change them or leave if you can't change them. You don’t need to endure a job you don’t like because it gives you stability, or stay in a hateful relationship so as not to be alone. This is a sure path to neuroses, the feeling that you are not living your life, and panicky thoughts of “what to do?”
Rest.

Life in the Flow. How to understand that you are in the Flow, a simple test!

Gain new knowledge, improve your skills. Take courses, watch webinars, read articles. May each day enrich your mind.
Do any kind of creativity that you like. This will help develop creative thinking skills and relieve stress.
Don't miss the opportunity to pamper yourself and show yourself love. This is simply necessary, because if you don’t love yourself, the people around you won’t do it either.
Don't be afraid to try new things, even if it means making mistakes. It is from mistakes that you can learn how to do things right and ultimately achieve your goal.
Don't let everything take its course, but plan. Always make a step-by-step plan for how you will complete an important task.
Make new connections and acquaintances. Improve your communication skills, it will always be useful in life.
Don't look back at the past, don't reproach yourself for past mistakes, live in the present.

Another important recommendation from psychologists is to get inspiration and motivation from all the sources that suit you. If you do this regularly and use this inspiration to change your life, anxious thoughts will stop visiting you.

How to get rid of despondency?

Advice from psychologists

Pay attention to your condition at work . You may be experiencing burnout. In this case, it’s absolutely worth changing something.
Try to do new things in your life, find a hobby . You can find a new activity to your liking anywhere. For example, just listening to music on social networks. One of the girls listened to music like this and came across a new group, after which she began helping this group organize events. You can also become a volunteer in any area of public activity, walk dogs in shelters, help children in orphanages adapt to life.

In general, there are a lot of activities and everyone can find something to their liking.

Look around you, pay attention to your social circle . How do these people live? Are they interesting? Maybe it's worth finding new acquaintances?

Find an interesting series

What to do if you are not interested in anything? Watch the series. Today you can download many long series that will help while away your leisure time. Every person has moments when they don’t want to do anything and don’t want to go anywhere. If this is the period in your life right now, then find a series that interests you and watch it. To spend time not only having fun, but also usefully, it is advisable to watch those films that are considered recognized masterpieces. Of course, you can find a pearl among little-known TV series, but it’s still more difficult to find it there. So, don't make things difficult for yourself and watch some of what are considered classics.

Lack of time

It may seem strange, but some people may find life boring because they believe that they do not have enough free time. Firstly, as stated above, they can try to enjoy what they spend most of their time doing.

You can try to arrange a day for yourself without the Internet and TV. This will help you notice how much time is actually wasted. But they could be devoted to something actually interesting: learning a new language, a hobby, communicating with loved ones.

What leads to a boring life?

Routine, responsibilities and a constant measured lifestyle can cause boredom. But it is worth noting that many, wanting to quickly fill their lives with bright colors, resort to drastic and often rash actions - engaging in extreme sports, using tobacco or alcohol products, or even drugs. These are extreme measures from which you should try to abstract yourself.

Few people look for truly useful activities and thus make their life more interesting.

A boring, monotonous life can cause:

nervous tension and depression;
desire to work constantly without breaks for rest;
overstrain as a result of constant active work of the brain;
aggression and irritability;
addiction to tobacco and alcohol, other bad habits;
lack of ability to concentrate.

I will name 3 main reasons that stimulate boredom:

Deceptive stability. Many people do not change anything in their own lives for years, not wanting to part with the sense of stability that they impose on themselves. In the minds of such people, any change can destroy their usual way of life.
Laziness is the most common cause of boredom. It is the reluctance to act, do something and change your life that leads to boredom. It is easier for a person to do nothing and constantly be where he is.
Lack of self-confidence. The reluctance to concentrate the attention of others on themselves, the fear of criticism and gossip force many to lead a routine, monotonous lifestyle.

Travel more

When does a person live? When he learns something new and does something unusual or familiar but loved. New impressions and emotions can be gained if you travel more. You won’t be able to discover anything interesting while sitting at home. It is clear that you will be able to read about something, or watch something. But the visual picture that you draw in your imagination or see on the TV screen will be different from the one that you can see with your own eyes. When traveling, a person always changes. He reconsiders his views on the usual way of things; what he liked before, he may begin to consider stupid. It's always nice to change and see how people build their lives in other countries around the world. Therefore, if you are bored and don’t want to do anything, take a vacation and go on vacation to another country.

Change your job

When a person begins to notice that there is nothing interesting in his life, then the person needs to think about his work. A person spends most of his life earning money for his comfortable existence. Are you satisfied with the field of activity in which you are engaged? No? Then why don't you change your job. Over time, people change, and it is quite obvious that their interests also undergo changes. It is not surprising that a person who applied for a job 20 years ago has lost interest in it today. Don't be afraid to change your professional field. Be afraid to spend the rest of your life in a job that doesn't bring you any satisfaction.

When you're looking for your dream job, consider making your hobby your job. Agree, it's nice to spend most of your day developing your knowledge and skills in an area that interests you.

Attend recreational events

Are you sad and lonely? Then go to some social event. You can choose the entertainment that you like best. For example, if you like art, then go to the opening of a new exhibition. If you are interested in new technologies, visit a robot exhibition. Do you love animals? Go to the zoo. Well, what to do if nothing is interesting? Then visit an amusement park. In a crowded place where there is always a festive atmosphere, it will be easy for you to get a charge of positive energy. Have fun with those around you. Ride on those attractions that you never dared to even look at before. This kind of exit from your comfort zone will help you rethink your values and understand that making your leisure time interesting and varied is very simple.