- September 6, 2019
- Psychology of relationships
- Maria Kravets
For a woman to refuse sex to a man is quite normal. But when everything is the other way around, then many questions arise. “The guy doesn’t want me” - such a statement literally freezes the heart. Of course, the beautiful half of humanity begins to look for shortcomings in themselves, which then develop into a whole baggage of complexes. But is it true that it's all about the woman? Let's try to understand this issue in more detail.
World turned upside down!
This is precisely the slogan exclaimed by girls who are faced with denial of intimacy. If earlier the fair half most often suffered from headaches, now the “disease” has become contagious and has spread to the stronger sex. If you are faced with the problem “the guy doesn’t want me,” then before you start self-flagellation, you should analyze his behavior, lifestyle, and overall character. The fact that men only need sex is a myth that has long been dispelled. In fact, their problems are very similar to ours. Psychologists identify 6 main reasons why a guy doesn’t want relationships and intimacy. Let's find out more about them.
He has another
This version is usually the first one that comes to our mind. And it is precisely this that is persistently promoted by all kinds of “advisers”. Of course, this scenario cannot be completely ruled out. But I did not hesitate to ask secretly the men I knew who were, so to speak, uninterested. Everyone unanimously says that there are probably men who cannot sleep with two women at the same time, but there are very few of them. Most manage to combine perfectly.
Work work work
Workaholic men are not uncommon these days. The crisis forces them to work more and more. A normal working day is also accompanied by stress and a busy schedule. Of course, there is no energy left for sex and other pleasures. Overwork has a negative impact on the nervous system. Hence irritability, apathy and a complete lack of desire for intimacy.
Instead of crying into your pillow and constantly repeating the phrase “the guy doesn’t want me” in your head, start taking action. And first of all, you need to achieve at least a week's vacation. Convince your man that he needs rest. A glass of good wine, a warm bath - all this will help you relax and enjoy. You can offer to give him a massage. Just don’t be offended if the man falls asleep at this time. Only when he gains strength and energy will everything change.
Symptoms: hidden and obvious
First of all, medical booklets tell us, prostatitis is indicated by impaired urination (often and in small portions) and pain (in the anus, perineum, testicles, lower abdomen, sacrum). But a man does not necessarily complain even to his own wife. In particular, it is unlikely that he will explain his reluctance to make love by pain “there”. He'll probably come up with some other reason. If your husband keeps waking up at night and running to the toilet, there will be no doubt about it. What if the situation is not so advanced? Other signs will most likely be noticeable to us: a decrease in this same sexual activity and constant irritability, anxiety, poor sleep.
Various dependencies
Negative habits have already ruined the lives of many couples. These include:
- alcohol;
- drugs and cigarettes;
- computer;
- gluttony.
Each of these addictions affects a man’s body in its own way. Alcohol helps you relax, but if you drink more than you need, your sexual desire decreases and you want to sleep. And if this happens after a hard day at work, then full sex is out of the question. If you really want to drink and relax, then a glass of good wine is perfect.
Drugs and cigarettes have a detrimental effect on sexual health. Some important male organs even begin to behave unpredictably. These substances can also affect attraction to the opposite sex. Perhaps you should help your man quit these bad habits.
Computer addiction is on par with the previous two. Sometimes a man cannot tear himself away from his gadget for hours. Well, when all the news has been read and the games have been played, you don’t really want sex anymore. Because of this addiction, many young people cannot find a partner at all. The guy doesn’t want to date girls, because spending time on the computer is much more interesting for him.
Food can also be a barrier to good sex. And all because it is extremely inconvenient to do this with a full stomach. Dinner should not be too greasy and light. It’s good if it contains natural aphrodisiacs:
- greenery;
- seafood;
- nuts;
- chocolate.
Depression tormented me
It was called the disease of the twentieth century. The current one, the twenty-first, seems to inherit all the problems of the previous one.
Among the symptoms of depression, one of the first indicated is “decreased libido.” Simply put, depression is when you don’t want anything, not even sex.
I’ve heard the opinion that, in addition to traditional “medicines” (trips abroad, picnics with friends, wasting money in restaurants), it helps to simply take a vacation, put all things aside and not try to have fun through force, but for a while really do nothing at all. This means that the most important thing, no matter how trivial it may sound, is to try to understand the man and be patient until this goes away for him. Don't pull, don't reproach. Well, if time passes, and the melancholy and apathy do not go away, but only intensify, I think it’s worth taking you to a psychologist. They don't bite. Only in our latitudes people are somehow not used to addressing them. But in vain. If you can’t cope on your own, it’s better to seek the help of a specialist.
Relationship problems
It is a scientifically proven fact that a decrease in sexual desire can be the result of conflicts and quarrels. And this requires no explanation. The husband is offended by his wife and, accordingly, does not want intimacy. If each partner constantly restrains their emotions, they are stored somewhere deep down in the soul.
Over time, this baggage of grievances and misunderstandings interferes with a fulfilling sex life. A man can behave absolutely calmly and at ease, but in fact a fountain of emotions is bubbling inside him. Try to talk about this with your boyfriend. If he stops holding back his emotions, he will immediately feel better. The girl, in turn, also should not keep everything to herself and suffer from the thoughts: “the guy doesn’t want me.” It is best to talk frankly about this topic with your boyfriend. When you tell him what worries you, you will also learn about his problems.
Tension in relationships
Many girls rack their brains over the question “what to do if a guy doesn’t want you,” but they themselves don’t think that the reason could be their behavior. Constant tension in relationships leads to the fact that a man often disappears at work, and at home he behaves very sluggishly and apathetically.
Analyze your relationships. How often do you raise your voice at a man or insult him? Such female behavior, even if it is justified, leads to the fact that the loved one ceases to feel like a man. And, accordingly, there is no desire to fulfill marital duty. What to do if a man doesn't want you? Try to become more gentle, affectionate, smiling. Try to praise your partner. Remind him as often as possible that he is strong and courageous.
Causes of early prostatitis
Urologists include infections as provoking factors, as well as a sedentary lifestyle, irregular sex life, colds and all the same stress and depression that I have already mentioned. And most often all these factors influence simultaneously. The risk group includes not only truck drivers, but also programmers, managers and other office workers. Particularly harmful, moreover, is forced irregular urination, and this problem is familiar to workers in many professions. Prostatitis is also caused by sexually transmitted diseases. Doctors also warn that hypochondriasis contributes to the development of this insidious disease.
Various fears - including the fear of getting prostatitis - are a release of adrenaline, which causes vasoconstriction, and this in turn has a very negative effect on the functioning of the male genitourinary system.
So the husband’s nerves must be protected, and conversations about prostatitis should be conducted very carefully, avoiding empty horror stories, pushing the man to specific actions for prevention or treatment.
Feminine attractiveness
This may also be the reason why intimacy with a loved one becomes a very rare occurrence. And we are not talking about impeccable beauty or ideal weight. But a woman near a man should always be neat and clean. The same applies to housing. When there is chaos and chaos all around, and the wife has many holes in her tights and robe, such an environment in itself is not conducive to intimacy. Do some spring cleaning, light some scented candles and put on some killer lingerie. But at the same time, you don’t need to jump on a man and demand intimacy from him. Act as if nothing happened.
How to talk about this with your husband
Of course, it is not easy to get a person to open up. Therefore, try to take the advice of family psychologists. A heart-to-heart conversation should take place in a calm, cozy atmosphere. Don't terrorize your tired spouse after work. Select a day off. During the conversation, do not throw hysterics, do not blame or reproach. Don't download your license.
Maintain a soft, friendly tone. But don't overdo it, men hate pity.
If your partner refuses to have a serious conversation, try to unobtrusively find out the reason. Do not set conditions for a man: “I decided to talk, drop everything and listen, otherwise you will regret it.” Start the conversation softly: “We need to have a serious conversation. When you will be free?".
If the husband does not agree to be frank, the psychology of family relationships advises the wife to increase her husband’s credibility.
Give your man a bath and foot massage before bed. Fill a bowl with warm water and add relaxing essential oils, such as lavender or mint. Wash your husband’s feet and dry them. Give yourself a massage using a cream or oil with a pleasant aroma. After a couple of similar procedures, the partner will begin to trust more and make contact.
Relationships before marriage
The problem described above is faced not only by married couples, but also by those who have not yet decided to take this step. Sometimes people date for years, but the relationship does not move to the next level. “What to do if a man doesn’t want you?” - the question is not very popular, but very exciting. And the girls can be understood, because they think that love and sex are interconnected.
But in fact, there are many reasons why a guy doesn’t want intimacy. Some male representatives do not believe that there is a need to rush things. And sometimes they are simply afraid to take the first step, so as not to scare the girl. Young guys who fall madly in love sometimes just don't work out with the girl they love. This happens due to strong excitement.
When it comes to sex, a man has more responsibility than a girl. And that’s why guys often have complexes. Some are sure that the size of their organ is too small, others are afraid to do everything too quickly and thereby upset the girl.
Its advantages
In fact, if a guy doesn’t want a relationship, he says so directly, but avoiding intimacy is a stupid and incomprehensible act. It turns out that the reluctance to have sex has another hidden meaning. The advantages here can only be seen if you have recently met your partner and have not yet had your “first time”. In this case, everything indicates that the man is not trying to use you and, most likely, is afraid of losing you. In this case, a smart girl will not rush things and show her depraved sides. Most men take the first step themselves, and in general this is correct.
However, one should not go to extremes and pretend to be an “impregnable fortress.” Not all men like to get sex from a girl. If a well-mannered guy sees that the girl is not ready, most likely he will not insist. Sometimes the question is asked differently: “The guy wants me. What to do?" If you are not ready, then you should be open about it and not lie.
Stress
Firstly, it causes physical fatigue, and a man simply does not have the strength to do “this”. Secondly, constant stress at work often “does not let go” at home, preventing you from switching to other thoughts and enjoying simple joys, even with the woman you love. If your husband mutters something about the economic crisis even in his sleep at night, it’s not surprising that he has no time for sex. Therefore, it is worth trying to protect him from stress, at least at home. Yes, forgive once again the loose toothpaste, crumbs in the bed and scattered socks. A delicious dinner (especially, they say, walnuts, celery, seafood and ginger are good for this), kind words, a relaxing massage, erotic lingerie - all these simple feminine tricks still work.
What psychologists advise
Sexual health problems are a sensitive topic that people try to avoid. Ladies rarely talk openly about this to their partners; most often they go to their friends for advice. Those, based on personal experience (and sometimes simply out of harm), can give recommendations that will only aggravate the situation. Psychologists advise not to do this under any circumstances. The best thing to do is talk to your partner. If a guy doesn’t want to communicate, then this is a serious problem in the relationship that needs to be solved. In most cases, the couple manages to find a solution to the problem after a frank conversation.
