Pregnancy is a wonderful time. Newly made parents picture in their dreams that bright and carefree life that will be filled only with joy and happiness because of the little toddler. That's who, but they will definitely raise their child to be the best, obedient and independent.
Turning a blind eye to all his visits, allowing a little too much, neither parents nor grandparents notice how they are approaching the important date of the baby - 2 years. This is where the first problems usually begin...
There's really only one problem. Only now it concerns all aspects of the child’s life and his environment. The once sweet, flexible and kind baby sometimes turns into a “monster” and a domestic tyrant. The child stops listening and usually answers all questions about help briefly but clearly: “I myself!”
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And that's not so bad. An even bigger problem is that against the backdrop of all this, the baby’s parents begin to quarrel over raising the baby. And sometimes they shift responsibility for bad upbringing onto each other. But what happens to the child? Shortcomings in upbringing or something else? We need to figure it out!!!
If we turn to psychological terms, this difficult age for a child is called the “Two-year-old crisis.” This crisis is due to the fact that in an instant a child can turn from a cute toddler into a stubborn and capricious one. Freaking out and hysterics - they will become the child’s “best friends” in the near future. A bad mood can occur several times a day, most often without reason.
The main goal of a child demonstrating this behavior is to get what he wants at any cost. And the older the baby gets, the more difficult it is to switch his attention or distract him with some tricks. Now the child stands to the last, like a stone wall.
Parents' confusion
When this difficult and difficult period for everyone comes, parents are lost and do not know how to behave and how to react to all this. Even if this is not the first baby in the house, the situation in the family is still tense. And it becomes unbearable for family members to live in such a difficult atmosphere: a nervous child, constant hysterics, strained relationships between household members.
Unfortunately, a family that is faced with such problems rarely seeks advice and help from a specialist. And most often he turns to various forums and his friends for advice. The advice of such acquaintances varies. And no one is safe from receiving “toxic” advice. In such cases, people advise frightened parents to “ask well so that they know for the future.”
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But here it should be remembered that such a method will not only not bring good results, but will also break the trusting relationship between the baby and the parent. Thus, by resorting to such methods of education, parents make the child more and more nervous. And his behavior is deteriorating more and more, and now his parents’ nerves are on edge...
How does the 2 year crisis manifest itself?
The crisis of 2 years, unfortunately, manifests itself very violently. The child begins to demonstrate his dissatisfaction with every little thing, throws things and toys on the floor, and even hits his parents. The sources of scandals and screams of the baby can be (most often) minor little things.
For example, a baby may throw a water bottle on the floor because it is only half full. Or the child wants to wear warm pants or rubber boots outside, not taking into account the fact that it is hot outside. In such cases, explanations are unlikely to help. And all stories, as a rule, end in scandals.
Most parents admit that it is not the child’s reaction to refusals or tantrums out of nowhere that frightens them, but rather the reaction of the people around them. Most often, if a child throws another tantrum in a crowded and public place, he will find some “well-meaning” person who will start spouting moralizing lectures without really understanding the situation.
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But now we are not talking about strangers, and not about the bad manners of individuals. Let's return to the child. When such “ugly” behavior takes over, parents begin to go through all sorts of cases - at what stage did they miss the upbringing of their child, and how to turn back to fix everything.
But, no matter how ironic it may sound, in fact, the parents are not to blame for everything that is happening. The very reason for all this is the crisis. Its reason is that the child begins to more and more actively master the world around him. It's interesting and exciting for him. And he wants more and more independence.
But, due to his age, he will not yet be able to completely do without the help of his parents. And here comes the turning point. Do it yourself and reject the help of your parents, or accept this help, which means staying small. Of course, every child wants to grow up faster. It is this desire and desire that is inherent in this behavior of a two-year-old child. “I myself!” - the motto of this difficult period. And it is by this phrase that one can “recognize” the crisis that has begun.
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When the child was little, he happily walked into the arms of his mother or father, ate from a spoon, lay obediently and waited for him to be dressed and allowed many more manipulations to be done to him. Now the baby begins to understand that there is “he”, there is “mom” and “dad”. Also, the child learns the limits of what is permitted; in other words, he tests the waters.
During this period, it may seem to parents that the child is deliberately trying to piss them off, trying to manipulate or establish power over others. But this is far from true. The child just wanted to be a little more independent. He learns to interact with this world, which is still so frightening and mysterious, but at the same time, so interesting and fascinating.
The main task of adults during this difficult period is to be patient, not to give in to provocations, and, of course, to allow the baby to be a little independent. There are no exact dates when a child will begin this crisis. There is only an age to which this crisis is “tied” - 2 years. It starts around this time. And it continues until the baby turns 3.5 years old.
About the importance of the problem
Let's consider what is associated with regular whims, disobedience and hysterics at 2.5-3 years old. First of all, it is increased nervous excitability. Moreover, in some children it is observed from birth and represents personality traits, in others it arises with age under the influence of external factors (both the education system as a whole and specific events).
Such behavior can be observed on an ongoing basis or represent attacks that occur as a response to psycho-emotional stress that accumulates over time. It is extremely important for parents to understand these factors and solve the underlying problem, otherwise all this will carry over into adulthood and become the reason that the matured child will be considered nervous, intemperate, even aggressive.
It is interesting that some children are constantly hysterical, wanting to manipulate their parents, to force them to “dance to their tune.” Babies do something similar, trying to get their mother’s attention at any cost. Older children, at 2.7 years old, become much more cunning - they understand how others will react to one or another of their actions, and often very skillfully subjugate their parents.
What should parents do during a 2-year-old crisis?
How should parents behave in those moments when the baby begins to become hysterical? And in general – how to behave during this difficult period??? The best way is for parents to provide more independence than before. Allow him too much (unless, of course, it threatens the baby’s safety). And also two rules:
Don't give your child all the toys at once
You should not give your child access to all toys at once. The fact is that the child will very quickly lose interest in them. If there are really a lot of toys, then you need to put some of the toys in a box and hide it for a while. After a couple of months, you should take the toys out of the box. And put in the box the toys the child has been playing with these months.
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Create activities and entertainment for your child. It happens that tantrums that arise out of the blue are the result of the fact that the child is... simply bored! Due to his age, the child cannot always come up with some kind of game or find entertainment. When playing, you should abandon boring moralizing and give your child complete freedom, of course, within the framework of permissiveness.
Become a child's partner
You always need to be ready to help your baby. After all, now a child is nothing more than a generator of new ideas. And very often it happens that he himself is not able to carry out his idea due to limited physical capabilities. In such cases, it is not possible to help the child and mom or dad should come.
But it is also important to remember the motto of this wonderful age: “I myself!” This means that in order for a child to continue to want to play with adults, it is very important to know the line where the child should be helped and where the child should be allowed to be independent for a little while. For example, you can bring a jar of water to the flowerbed to your mother. But the child will be able to water the flower from this jar on his own.
!!!Important!!! It should be remembered that the child has not yet learned to correctly express his negative emotions. It is faster for him to show his dissatisfaction in this way than to explain to his parents what exactly caused the storm of indignation.
If a child wants to play with his parents, then he should be given this opportunity. And also refrain from comments like “Well, just 10 minutes, and then you can do it yourself!” Then the baby will not be able to fully devote himself to the game, but will wait for when this time will end. Here you should just relax and enjoy playing with your child. And in the end, let him get such pleasure from the fact that he himself finished the game.
Causes of whims in children
Reasons why the “whimsy” visits the child:
- Overwork (this can be caused by a violation of the daily routine, a change of environment, an abundance of new impressions).
- Malaise.
- Someone else's bad mood (children are good at reading the emotional state of loved ones).
If these are whims, then it is useless to provide educational influences at this moment. You need to try to calm yourself, calm the child, feed him, put him to sleep - whatever the situation may be.
How to behave if your baby is hysterical
No matter how carefully the parents behave with the child, someday he will still have a tantrum. Not alone. And it is unlikely that it can be avoided. Children at this age are often prone to hysterics, attacks of aggression and anger.
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Parents are very frightened by their child's behavior. Also, if crying continues for a very long time, the baby may vomit. It becomes difficult for mom and dad to watch such a picture with folded hands. But you should calm down - the child will not be able to cause much harm to himself. The body's protective reflexes will come to the rescue.
Help a child
First, you need to reconsider your daily routine and life in general. This is necessary in order to prevent nervous overload and overwork of the baby. After all, if the child is very tired, then hysterics will become more frequent.
You should follow some rules to help your baby:
- There is no need to place too strict boundaries around the child. If you often do things contrary to the baby’s demands, this will aggravate the situation, and hysterics will only become more frequent.
- You should not prescribe sedatives yourself based on reviews from the Internet or your friends. For this you should consult a doctor.
- Keep your child safe during tantrums. Remove all piercing and cutting objects. Try to hold the child so that he does not injure himself.
- You should not prove something and try to “bring yourself around” a child who is hysterical. Nothing will affect the baby until he calms down on his own. While the child is hysterical, you should not shout or hit him. The baby may become frightened by these actions and begin to scream even louder.
- After the end of the children's screams, you should not be the first to start talking to the child. Most children think that mom or dad made a concession to him, and the tantrum will most likely begin with a vengeance. In this case, it is better to wait until the child comes to his senses and comes up on his own. Then you need to give your baby a large portion of love and affection. You also need to behave as if nothing happened.
- You need to make it clear to the child that he will not achieve anything with his terrible behavior. Even when the baby calms down, you should not allow him what he wanted to achieve. Continue doing what you were doing when the child stops hysterical. And don’t remind your baby about it.
By adhering to all these rules, you will help your baby explore the world and show him the limits of permissiveness. Do not forget the main thing - any hysteria ends someday. And when this happens, the little monster who was rolling on the floor and screaming until her voice was hoarse will again turn out to be a small, tiny baby. And he, like no one else, will need a double portion of love and affection. And at these moments you should give it to him.
Recommendations for preventing hysterics from experts
- Create a clear daily routine, stick to it every day and with the whole family, repeating actions in a certain order. If changes are planned in the daily routine, they should not be spontaneous for the child; the child should be told about this. This will prepare him for the changes.
- A separate point about sleep. There should be enough time for it, and there must be a day’s rest.
- Develop a clear system of rules, restrictions and prohibitions that applies to the child regardless of what day it is, where and with which family member he is.
- Do not overload the child’s nervous system, try not to saturate his day with too many bright emotions and impressions - a little of each good thing.
- Talk to your doctor about special magnesium and vitamin C supplements for children (usually in gummy form). Magnesium will help strengthen the baby's nervous system. Consultation with a specialist in this matter is required.
- If you see that the child's indignation is already close, try to distract him to avoid hysterics.
When to contact a child psychologist?
The child’s behavior itself is frightening and abnormal. But there is a certain line that distinguishes – when everything is fine, and when it is worth contacting a child psychologist. First of all, you need to pay attention to the hysterics themselves. If they drag on for a long time and become too frequent, then this will be the first call to contact a specialist.
Also, if parents are more inclined to believe that their child needs a child psychologist, then it would be better to make an appointment with a neurologist as well. He will conduct an examination and, if necessary, prescribe sedatives to the baby. At this age, natural herbal preparations are recommended for children.
Sometimes the cause of frequent children's tantrums is strained relationships between parents. Even if a child has never witnessed family squabbles, he still feels the negative relationship between mom and dad and reacts to them in his own way. It is worth trying to improve relationships with each other and put your thoughts in order. Then the baby will become much calmer.
Do not forget that during this period it is much more difficult for a child than for adults. There are so many new and interesting things around for him. He tests the limits of what is permitted and explores the world, simultaneously testing the strength of his parents’ nerves. Be that as it may, time passes quickly, and this difficult, but necessary for proper development, age will be left behind. And there will be new problems and worries ahead.
conclusions
Every parent experiences their child's tantrums. In some children they occur more often, in others less often. The peak of hysterics usually occurs in early and early preschool age (1-3 years), older preschoolers are already sufficiently able to control their emotions. At the moment of hysteria, be close to the baby, help him understand his feelings, analyze the situation together and find out the cause of the hysteria. By including your baby in a dialogue with yourself, you prevent a further increase in emotional tension. Only after this is it necessary to express your position and explain to the child why in this case you are making this or that decision.
