- November 3, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Ksenga
Who are difficult people? These are people who are unlike those around them. They have their own view of this world and their own idea of how they should live. People around them may judge them, believing that they are antisocial and not always tactful. But they are distinguished by sincerity and directness. We will consider the character traits of complex people in the article.
Problems from childhood
Why do some children grow up to be good kids, while others grow up to be headstrong tomboys? It's all about education and permissiveness. Parents who forbid their child a lot, but do it in moderation, will raise a normal person. But is it so good to be normal? The fact is that people who did not have their own opinion in childhood and followed the eternal instructions of their parents will continue to adhere to this style of behavior in adulthood. Such persons are good subordinates. They meet deadlines and always act according to instructions.
Those individuals who are called complex are very self-willed. Their creativity and initiative were not limited in childhood, therefore, with age, they only strengthened the opinion that this world should be examined and any opinion can and should be doubted. Such people cause a lot of problems to others. They always have their own opinion, do not want to agree with anyone and are not afraid to openly quarrel. It is impossible to listen to their conscience, and sometimes it seems that it simply does not exist. But it should be understood that such people rarely go beyond the bounds of decency and rarely intentionally cause harm to others.
Assertiveness
How do difficult people behave with others? Such people always have something to say, and they are not afraid to flaunt their candidacy. It should not be surprising that complex personalities often become the life of the party. Those people who have little interaction with an assertive person do not understand his shortcomings, since they are not noticeable. They can only be noticed in case of close contact with a person. A person will defend his opinion too stubbornly and will not consider it necessary to take into account the point of view of others. Even if a person understands that she is wrong, she is unlikely to immediately admit defeat. A person will defend his point of view to the last and only then, alone with himself, will he realize that he has committed a stupidity. People often commit such unreasonable actions. A person may think that she understands a question well, even if she spent 10 minutes studying it, and not half her life. It is impossible to argue with a person. But we must admit that over time he understands his mistakes and draws conclusions from them.
We react to aggressors
Do you have to communicate with an active-defensive aggressor? Let him know that you can hit him with an even stronger wave of aggression. But for now you are skillfully holding back. And your silence is not weakness.
Better yet, shoot such a comrade with an arrow of crazy humor. Assertive, ironic and very powerful. Aggression is afraid of laughter and humor. Knock out the aggressor with the first blow.
Why is it difficult for a person to live? Why is he trying to pinch the other, to make a sarcastic joke about him? When faced with a passive defensive aggressor, ask these questions. What made a person like this? And if you find the reason, try to make every effort to eliminate it.
Passive aggressors love to impress with their “heavy” energy. After talking to him for a couple of hours, your head starts to ache. My temples are already pounding. Don’t give in to this, extinguish your “ward” with light and cheerful energy.
You will have to have patience and endurance. Communicate with him evenly, and ignore the jokes or destroy them with humor.
Heightened self-esteem
Complex personalities often suffer from narcissism. Narcissism and high self-esteem make them irresistible in their eyes. Such individuals think that those around them will also pray for them if they themselves extol their virtues. People get offended if they notice that others do not admire them. They demand attention and admiration. Sometimes people are even ready to mistake flattery for truth. The complex feelings of a person are difficult to describe. He suffers from internal inferiority if he wants to constantly receive positive feedback about his activities.
But a person does not always need the opinions of others. Truly strong people are often complex. They do not take into account other people's opinions and consider themselves unrecognized geniuses. Sometimes their intelligence and creativity are truly appreciated. But even if this does not happen, a person’s self-esteem does not fall and he continues to be confident in his uniqueness.
If your lover is a complex person
A man’s difficult character is a difficult test for every lady. At the beginning of a relationship, usually the shortcomings of the stronger sex do not appear as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When a gentleman realizes that he no longer needs to court a girl in order to gain her favor, he gradually begins to show his true colors.
In any couple, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But ordinary relationships are characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort on the part of the man and woman, can be overcome and leveled out. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks around, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and invite her husband to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them exactly at the target.
But if the spouse is stubborn and has a difficult character, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raises a hand against his wife - here you should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.
Constant criticism
A person who considers himself unique gives himself the right to criticize others. He thinks that those around him are stupid people who, without smart advice, cannot do anything on their own. Criticism of people is most often adequate, but sometimes people play around and express their opinions just to say something. This quality is inherent in many individuals. But it cannot be said with certainty that any person is complex. There are ordinary people who do not criticize anyone and do not want anything. Such persons are very limited in their development, and therefore cannot be called complex.
But complex people criticize not only those around them, but also themselves. They approach their work responsibly, so they are often dissatisfied with the result. Persons work on their mistakes and try not to step on the same rake twice.
Poor attitude towards others
Do you often think that you are a very difficult person? Then think about your relationships with others. Difficult people are often lonely. Despite their large circle of acquaintances, they have few close friends. They communicate well only with people they themselves have chosen. Strong personalities despise other people, considering them stupid or unworthy of their society. Moreover, people often do not even hide their contempt for others. They openly admit that they do not like society and find it easier to work alone.
What other ways does a bad attitude manifest itself? Difficult people, as a rule, do not need love. They are self-sufficient. If a person starts a family for some reason, he does not pay as much attention to it as his spouse and children require.
Other cases of severe people
The same applies to those cases when a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than having to endure your husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who want to maintain psychological balance are also recommended to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, no matter in what field of activity they have to deal with.
If the difficult person is a relative, the problem here requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy to find common ground and make communication softer. But one thing needs to be remembered: if a person himself does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.
If the soul refuses to accept this person with his terrifying shortcomings, this is a signal that it is time to change his environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be erased from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.
Suspiciousness
The internal complex system of a person does not allow a difficult nature to trust others. Such people are very suspicious. They see a catch everywhere and in everything. They do not trust others, and therefore do not demand it from themselves. You can’t keep secrets with such people. They will not consider it necessary to withhold any information and will believe that if it was shared with them, it means that something was wanted from them. It is difficult to be friends with such people. A person perceives any good deed with hostility. She thinks that she will have to pay for any service, even a very small one.
Difficult people do not consider it necessary to help others and do not demand that they be helped. They achieve everything on their own and demand the same from others. They are not afraid that they will be judged or misunderstood. They are mentally prepared for this and will not even be offended by the person who insults them.
and what makes it so?
First, a very important digression 〈 !!! 〉
Pay attention to the well-known joke and saying of psychologists: “If you want to see a neurotic, look in the mirror.”
She says that certain neurotic traits, inclinations and needs can be found in any person without exception.
This also applies to the dark signs of bad character listed below. Almost all of us have them.
But! The point is not in their very presence, but in their strength and level of development.
A need, trait, tendency becomes neurotic, i.e. painful and begins to interfere with the life of a person and those around him if it is overdeveloped, if its strength exceeds the average level of normality, if it begins to control a person’s behavior and thinking.
In all other cases, if it is not noticeable or manifests itself very rarely, then it is not possible to say about a person that he has an intolerable character.
So, …
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1. The need for a strong and responsible friend or partner
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Such a person wants someone to take responsibility for his life and for most of his key life decisions.
This could be a friend, husband, wife or parents.
He wants such a person to act as an Assistant for him. And he will play the role of the Victim, receiving certain dividends from this.
For example: managing life, solving everyday and any other problems, finding a job, making money, etc.
At the same time, the master-victim skillfully manipulates his assistant, gradually turning him into a victim and becoming a pursuer.
Example: sofa husband.
As soon as the wife gathers the courage to throw off the burden of the Savior-Helper and stop supporting him and pleasing him, he either begins to get sick and suffer, causing self-pity.
Or she turns into a tyrant husband, tormenting her with physical and emotional violence.
But he can’t live without her, and neither can she without him. As a rule, there is someone third (child, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, etc.).
Together they create the Karpman triangle, and grow into its neurotic structure.
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2. The need for power over others
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This is mainly expressed in the need to constantly control everyone.
In an effort to subordinate people and life events to your will and reason. Such a person is afraid of everything that he cannot check and control, even if such control is imaginary and far-fetched.
He does not tolerate a state of uncertainty well. He is devoid of spontaneity and plasticity of behavior.
Such people often bow to authority, power and strong people. At the same time, they despise the weak and dependent.
They strive to achieve superiority over others in order to effectively manipulate them.
If such a person's need for power is not satisfied, he feels very bad.
He is oppressed by anxiety and a feeling of uncertainty. He becomes nervous and irritable.
Dealing with him is always difficult, and sometimes downright dangerous - you can lose your psychological health.
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3. The need to exploit others, using them for one's own purposes
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Such a person treats others as a means of satisfying his personal interests and achieving his goals.
At the same time, he does not think about the problems of others, and is even offended if another person does not want to help him and indulge his whims.
This is the one about whom they often say: “He was just using me.”
He is an excellent manipulator, easily makes others dependent on himself, but he himself often depends on someone.
Read more about this in the article:
Codependency or living next to a vampire
Such a person is always “charged” with the pursuit of profit. In this case, there may be different areas of effort: money, relationships, feelings, sex, business, etc.
If such a person has not received something from someone, he begins to be “choked by a toad” and oppressed by melancholy for wasted time and effort.
You can deal with this if you know how to resist his manipulations, keep your distance, know how to refuse and say “no” effectively.
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4. Need for approval
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Such a person constantly strives to please others and gain their approval. He constantly tries to satisfy the expectations of others and earn their praise, while acting to the detriment of himself.
In triangles of interpersonal relationships, such a person plays the role of the Savior.
But if suddenly he does not receive approval for his merits and helping others, then very easily he first slips into the role of the Victim, drowning in self-pity.
And then into the role of the Accuser, turning into a tyrant and psychotic stalker.
Usually such people have low self-esteem and other bad character traits.
They are afraid of hostility from other people and become depressed if those around them, especially people significant to them, are too dissatisfied with them.
They reject and suppress their feelings and desires and therefore live a life that is not their own.
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5. Narcissism or the tendency to constantly admire yourself
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Perhaps this is the key factor shaping a person’s bad character. Such a person creates an image of an ideal self in his head and replaces it with the image of his real self, which is always very, very far from the ideal.
He wears a mask that he is in love with, but which actually hides nothing. Because often there is nothing behind it.
He has very high self-esteem. He loves to brag about his achievements and his qualities.
Naturally, it is very difficult to interact with such a person, because he is egocentric and the whole world revolves around his person.
And if you let him know that this is not so, if you even for a second doubt the greatness of such a person, then you will forever become his enemy.
The other (unconscious) side of narcissism is vulnerability, loneliness, vulnerability and low self-esteem. Therefore, narcissism is often associated with...
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6. The need to be perfect
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Such a person strives to be higher and better than others in everything. He wants to be flawless and infallible.
This applies to both large and small matters, and personal qualities and characteristics.
Sometimes this is achieved not through real achievements and development, but by belittling the merits of others and artificially inflating one’s own small successes.
Such a person is concerned with who he is and how good and perfect he is, and how well his business is going.
He wants to be the best in everything, but deep down he is very afraid of even the smallest defeat.
He often suffers from workaholism, as work becomes a tool for him to achieve perfection.
It is very difficult with him, since even the most correct criticism addressed to him knocks him out of his psychological rut, and he becomes conflicted and begins to take revenge for the weaknesses and imperfections discovered in him.
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7. The need for social recognition and prestige
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The self-esteem of such a person depends entirely on the opinions of others.
He does everything to look successful and lucky in their eyes and achieve a privileged position.
This manifests itself in everything: clothes, accessories, cars, housing, etc.
In his social circle, he chooses only those who are significant to him from the point of view of confirming his own importance and status.
He peers at others like a mirror, anxiously looking for evidence in them of recognition of his success.
Obviously, communication with such a person is filled with problems and conflicts. Especially if your status is lower than his.
By the way, in our time, most narcissists and people neurotically striving for public recognition and success suffer from self-mania.
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8. The need to be invisible and avoid life
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Such a person constantly limits his life and tries to be content with little.
Any changes frighten him; stability is important to him, devoid of any claims to improvement.
He denies his potential capabilities and resources, he is afraid of development, he is afraid to express his desires.
Such people are not demanding and unpretentious; it seems even calm and safe with them.
But the problem is that they react with hostility to any changes.
Moreover, when you are around them, you always feel that you are beginning to limit yourself, refuse to develop, and suppress your desires.
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Collective portrait
person with severe
character
As you understand, this is difficult to create, since there are so many different signs and manifestations of a bad character, often mutually exclusive.
Nevertheless, the following general proposition can be formulated.
It's uncomfortable and awkward to be with him. There is always tension and anxiety in a relationship with him.
He doesn't like others. Treats others either condescendingly or with servility.
It is very difficult to come to an agreement with him; he either often and unreasonably changes his opinion and plans, or adheres to them with reinforced concrete stubbornness.
Most often, after close and more or less prolonged communication with such a person, you feel tired and overwhelmed, or nervous and filled with negative emotions.
Based on this generalized portrait, three types of people can be distinguished.
Types of people
Sense of humor
A complex person is an individual who is not without self-irony. The person understands that her character is not sugar, but she comes to terms with it. Since complex individuals are mostly selfish, they do not understand why they need to change anything about themselves. But they are well aware of their imperfections and therefore try to joke about them. The truth doesn't hurt your eyes so much when you spice it up with humor. Any situation becomes easier if you laugh at it. Difficult people know this very well. They have a good sense of humor, and this is what helps them attract people. Charisma disarms others and forces them to obey the person who cleverly lured the victim into his network. Complex personalities do not need constant communication, but they do need people who will help carry out Napoleonic plans. Therefore, people often make new acquaintances, smile warmly at everyone they meet, and for the time being try to hide their character behind smiles and good jokes.
Interaction of a complex personality with the world
It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others and spoil their mood. They often begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:
- Reluctance to listen to the interlocutor.
- A sense of rightness even in situations where there is no reason for it.
- Aggressiveness, conflict, quarrelsomeness.
- Tendency to criticize and find fault.
- Depressiveness, tendency to dramatize.
If it seems that only such people are around, this is a reason to think: perhaps personal problems are not characteristic of them, but of the person himself.
Responsibility
How do you relate to people who are sharply different from those around you? Negatively? What kind of person is a complex person? This is a person who goes against the grain and is not afraid to stand out. A person knows how to take responsibility for his words and actions and is not afraid of condemnation. Responsibility is a character trait that is inherent in strong individuals. Weak people do not know how to be responsible even for decisions they personally make. But strong individuals can always account for their behavior, as well as answer for the actions of their subordinates. Because of this character trait, many people do not like them, because they believe that they take on too much. For this reason, subordinates frankly do not like bosses and cannot understand their actions. And decisions made with full responsibility seem strange to people.
Irritability
Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a difficult character. One person will behave calmly while in a traffic jam. Another will honk his horn furiously and curse everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan - someone steps on someone’s foot, or a child gets a bad grade from school, it can turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an innate character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the entire population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during life.
Competition
A person who is strong in spirit is never afraid of competition. On the contrary, he even craves her, because he thinks that she will make him stronger and better. A challenging person is not afraid to grow and compete with his peers. He believes that the intensity of passions will help to overcome the path faster. When a person leaves his comfort zone, he can make a revolution in his destiny much faster than if the person sat in his cozy cocoon and did not try to somehow change his life. The more competition, the better, as any complex person thinks. Many people do not understand this position in life, because they are afraid to lose, but the person is not afraid to act and take risks. Because of this desire for eternal disputes and bets, as well as for an eternal race, others do not always understand difficult people. They have to put up with a difficult character, and sometimes even indulge people who cannot be convinced of anything.
Pros of relationships with difficult girls2
The time has come to move to a closer level of relationship and the question arises for any guy: is it worth marrying her? When choosing a girlfriend in life, men are divided into two groups: they look for a simple one, and they deliberately look for a complex one. The first prefer to meet a girl with whom it is easy to come to an agreement; you can sail through life calmly and not worry about anything. The latter are looking for extreme sports, they don’t need a girl without pretensions, drive, someone who doesn’t know how to cut and just loves.
The girl’s complex character helps her not to sit exactly in one place, and she begins to move the man. This is an excellent partner for a creative union, a businessman, a guy with millionaire ambitions who is looking for a magic kick. Such a girl will be an excellent mover in the family. Only the man will have to accept that she is in charge, and she will set the tone in the relationship.
Perfectionists
Difficult people try to do everything well. Sometimes the situation reaches the point of absurdity, but people do not notice it. They want everything to go according to their plan, and they do not intend to deviate from the intended path. Any deviation from the plan is considered a tragedy. Perfectionism does not allow a person to develop and makes him stagnate for a long time. Difficult people are willing to put up with it if it results in them doing a flawless job. They demand similar results from others. And at the same time, people get very upset when they find out that one of their acquaintances or subordinates is working carelessly.
Is life difficult for perfectionists? Very. They constantly criticize others, give advice to everyone and hear a lot of unflattering reviews about themselves. Is it possible to get used to such a reaction? Difficult. People cannot change themselves. It is difficult for them to understand why work can be done poorly. Normal people understand that the best is the enemy of the good. But difficult people do not realize this simple truth, and they have to put up with the incompetence, laziness and recklessness of those around them.
How to behave with people?
Don't know how to deal with difficult people? Psychologists' advice would be:
- Don't indulge the person. Remember, you are also an individual and deserve respect.
- Don't try to change a person; a person will change only when he wants to.
- Treat difficult people kindly. Remember that every complex person is a child disliked by his parents.
- You should not show the person that you are offended by him. Even if a person deeply offends you, try to restrain yourself. Otherwise, you will constantly endure attacks from the person.
