Night tantrums in a 2-year-old child: reasons, expert advice, how to deal with it

For children of any age, sleep is very important. This is not just a rest after activity; at this time, the information that the baby receives during the day is absorbed, and his mental development improves. Therefore, sleep must be sound and healthy, so that he enters the new day cheerful, ready for new impressions. Not all children are able to sleep through the night. It is considered normal if the child gets up for physiological reasons or if he is hungry. But often a child wakes up at night with hysterics, and parents do not know how to calm him down so as not to frighten him or harm him.

Age characteristics

Don't rush to scroll through this item! It may seem to you that psychology is a boring thing and not particularly necessary, but it’s not like that: this science has a direct relationship to the process of raising a child, especially to changes in his behavior. It will be easier for you to understand your baby and find a common language with him if you know exactly what is happening to him.

First of all, speech development. At 2 years old, a child turns into a sponge that absorbs everything he hears and tries to reproduce. This applies not only to people’s speech, but to everything he sees and hears on television and radio. From which a completely logical conclusion follows: if possible, control the speech of nearby adults and what your child is watching. Also during this period, children are able to understand the speech of adults and conduct short but meaningful dialogues, respond to requests and ask in return. But the vocabulary is still small.

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Also, at 2-3 years old, the baby learns to express and control his emotions, but, unfortunately, he is not always able to do this, since joy and anger come over him very suddenly. Carefully monitor his condition: support him in moments of showing love or kindness and calm him down when the baby is excited about something. In addition, we need to teach children to control their emotions and express them correctly, and most importantly, show them where the boundaries of acceptable behavior are, what can and cannot be done.

The most important characteristic of a 3-year-old child is egocentrism. This means the following: he believes that everything that happens in this world is directly related to him. That is, when playing and communicating with peers, which begins to gain momentum, he will proceed solely from his own interests. Egocentrism manifests itself in the need for attention from adults every second, without a break for food or sleep. This does not mean that the baby will necessarily grow up to be selfish, it’s just that he is looking for the support of an adult who can help if something happens. This also includes the children’s desire to show that he can do a lot on his own.

It is worth mentioning here the so-called three-year crisis. In fact, the topic of this difficult time is quite extensive; it needs to be analyzed separately. The bottom line is this: the baby begins to realize himself as an independent adult with his own “I”, his own needs and desires, who copes quite well without the support of an adult. And then he is faced with the fact that he cannot carry out everything he has planned on his own due to various circumstances, the main ones of which are the ubiquitous adults and such a young age. Indignation at this is expressed by various symptoms: stubbornness, aggression, protest, self-will, despotism, obstinacy and devaluation of the established order of things. Hysterical states in such a crisis are quite common.

Main features

All children are individual, therefore, even if they fall into hysterics, each child behaves differently. Some scream loudly and stomp their feet in the hope of getting their way, others completely lose control of themselves and begin to roll on the floor. But this is not as scary as if aggression begins to appear. In this case, the child may cause harm to himself or others. If parents have already studied this process, then they roughly understand what will happen to their baby when they fall into hysterics. This will allow you to take security measures. As a rule, before throwing a tantrum, many children begin to behave characteristically. If adults manage to catch the right moment, they can try to prevent an attack.

There are special precursors to hysteria that signal an approaching attack. The child may begin to methodically rock his body, whine, snore, or grumble. His eyes fill with tears, his lips are pursed, his face turns red, his movements become sharp and nervous. However, the warning signs of hysteria may not always appear. Sometimes an attack begins unexpectedly.

What does the child do:

• screams and cries a lot;
• pounding with hands and feet;
• bangs his head against the wall;
• pushes and fights, bites himself;
• falls to the floor;
• coughs, breathes intermittently;
• in the process of rolling on the floor, he arches his back, which is involuntary spasms.

In addition, in hysterics, a child demonstrates a lack of reaction to words addressed to him by adults. Also, a child may, in a fit of aggression, shout at the adult at whom the hysteria is directed, use offensive words, or call him names.

What emotions are typical for a child at the time of an attack:

• aggression;
• resentment;
• anger;
• disappointment;
• irritation;
• anger.

When a child begins to have a tantrum, he is in a state of passion. This means that the child is completely unable to control himself. In case of self-harm, the baby does not feel pain at all at that moment. Undoubtedly, observing such behavior of your beloved child is scary and unbearable. If an adult has witnessed such a scene, he should know what measures to take to help the child calm down and come to his senses as quickly as possible.

Causes of hysterics

The main reason for tantrums in children 2-3 years old is the confrontation between the points of view of parents and children. The child grows, and with him the number of needs that must be satisfied increases. Previously, all this was simpler and important for life - food, sleep, hygiene and other needs, all these desires were fulfilled by the parent. Now everything is more complicated: the child wants not just to eat, but to eat a certain product, not just to play, but to play with his favorite toy, and a lot of more complex needs.

Here it should be remembered that simple whims and hysterics are different things, they should not be confused. Dr. Evgeny Komarovsky distinguishes children's tantrums of 2-3 years from whims this way: if a child can explain what he wants, it is a whim, no, it is hysteria.

Also, the stages of symptoms will help you recognize hysteria:

• scream: the baby does not speak louder, but simply screams;
• motor agitation: the child stomps his feet, may even arch and bang his head against the wall, scratch himself, tear out his hair, throw things around;
• sobbing: not crying, but tears in a stream, constant sobs that can last a long time.

The sooner you notice a tantrum and its symptoms, the better, since with each stage it becomes more and more difficult to calm the baby down.

If you notice the following symptoms during attacks, you should consult a doctor:

• breathing problems, sometimes stopping;
• frequent repetition of hysterics, characterized by aggression;
• trembling in the limbs or chin;
• increased or decreased muscle tone;
• dilated pupils;
• frequent regurgitation;
• poor sleep;
• loss of consciousness.

The most common causes of children's tantrums at 2-3 years old:

• discomfort associated with the disease or the onset of the disease;
• lack of sleep, overwork;
• hunger or, conversely, overeating;
• unstable nervous system;
• violation of the daily routine;
• injury received (bruise, cut, burn);
• desire to prove oneself, lack of opportunity to do so;
• an adult distracting a child from an activity in which the latter was passionately engaged;
• inability to clearly express wishes and disagreements;
• lack of a clear reaction to various actions of the baby on the part of the parents;
• desire to attract the attention of adults;
• overprotective parents who do not allow the child to do something on his own;
• strong severity, often accompanying the previous point;
• if a second child is born - jealousy of the newborn.

Knowing these reasons, you can avoid unnecessary nervous shock by neutralizing irritants as much as possible. Unfortunately, few people manage to do without hysterics completely.

Folk remedies

How to save a 2-year-old child from nighttime tantrums? Drugs may not be required at all, because there are many traditional methods for improving children's sleep and getting rid of nightmares.

1. Aromatherapy. Before going to bed, bathe your baby in warm water and add a few drops of lavender oil to the bath. This remedy has long been used for deep and restful sleep. The same oil can be dripped onto the far corner of the child’s pillow or blanket. After a couple of hours, it will begin to smell fragrant, giving the baby a restful sleep.
2. “Sleepy tea” can be bought at a pharmacy, or you can make it yourself. Brew 0.5-1 tablespoon of hop cones in a glass of boiling water, let it brew and cool, and before bedtime, let your baby drink a third of the glass.
3. “Sleepy cocktail” will appeal to those with a sweet tooth. Grind a banana with half a glass of milk (warm) and half a glass of chamomile tea. Add two drops of motherwort and a spoonful of honey.

Night tantrums

It happens that babies wake up at night screaming, screaming and crying, and all attempts by mothers to calm, hug and find out what happened are in vain, since the kids simply do not notice the presence of anyone. This is a separate type - night tantrums in a child aged 2-3 years. Such attacks happen to many people. They begin unexpectedly and end abruptly in the same way. Occurs in children aged 3-5 years.

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The following are typical features of nighttime tantrums in a child:

• the suddenness of the onset of an attack, accompanied by a sharp cry, arching of the body and crying;
• characterized by increased sweating, heavy rapid breathing;
• duration 5–20 minutes, possible periodic repetition of the attack during the night;
• attacks begin after the baby falls asleep (usually after 1.5–2 hours);
• the child does not respond to any attempts by the parents to calm down or redirect attention;
• when trying to hug or hold, the troublemaker breaks out of the hug and tries to run away from them;
• aggressiveness towards people and objects.

It is necessary to consult a neurologist if night attacks are accompanied by the following symptoms:

• loss of consciousness;
• duration of hysteria exceeding 30 minutes;
• the onset of an attack shortly before morning;
• urinary incontinence during an attack;
• desire to harm oneself;
• intensification of attacks with each repetition;
• tantrums occur for more than a year;
• the baby speaks incomprehensibly, in a “gibberish” language;
• Even during the day, the baby’s fears do not leave him.

Causes of night tantrums:

• an important event: a move, a holiday, a quarrel in kindergarten - any significant incident that left an imprint on the memory;
• microclimate in the family: conflicts between parents, the arrival of a new resident in the house (aunts and uncles who came to stay, a grandmother who moved, a newborn brother or sister);
• any sources of information within your child’s reach: advertising or news on TV, cartoons and videos on the Internet (there is a high risk of stumbling upon something negative or adult);
• illness, especially if the illness is serious;
• surgery under anesthesia.

In fact, there may be many more reasons. The essence is the same - too many impressions or one, but powerful enough to overload the nervous system.

Nightmares

Tantrums at night in a child can be caused by bad dreams. The cause of nightmares in sleep can be cartoons watched before bed. Today there are a lot of cartoons (especially animated series) that feature villains, monsters, evil robots and other evil spirits. For a child, especially a two-year-old, watching such programs is harmful and dangerous; they do not have the best effect on the psyche.

Do not turn on cartoons for your child at night at all, unless they are stories about Winnie the Pooh or other good characters (with no villains). For example, “Smeshariki”, Soviet and Disney cartoons are perfect. And best of all, before bedtime, don’t turn on the TV for your baby at all, play a quiet game, read a fairy tale.

Even if the child is just playing or running around, do not turn on action or horror films. The baby can see something out of the corner of his eye, and his brain picks up screams, gunfire and other unpleasant noise, which as a result can cause a nightmare and hysteria. Don't watch TV loudly when your baby is sleeping. Any loud sound can trigger a nightmare or a sudden awakening of the child, after which tantrums often occur.

Another reason for nightmares: someone suddenly (accidentally or on purpose during play) scared the baby, jumped out from around the corner, or the child ran a lot, hid, or was tickled. Such active games should only take place during the daytime; hyperactive pastime should not be allowed at least an hour before bedtime.

How to deal with tantrums?

The first option that comes to mind is the most correct and most common - ignoring. However, as Dr. Komarovsky emphasizes, it is not the child himself who should be ignored, but his seizures. “The child does not throw tantrums in front of the TV, in front of the closet, or in front of the bathroom. He throws tantrums in front of the person who is sensitive to hysterics.” That is why the association “I’m not yelling – mom is nearby” should be formed in a child under 2 years of age. Evgeniy Olegovich gives the following algorithm of actions:

1. put the child in the playpen;
2. leave the room, making it clear that you can hear him;
3. stand and wait until the screams stop;
4. go into the room.

If the screams are repeated, start from the second point. This method will take a lot of effort and nerves, but the result is worth it.

You should not calm your child down at the peak of hysteria, much less try to find out what caused it. It is best to wait until it passes, and only then calmly ask the baby what happened and calm the child down. You also cannot react aggressively to a child’s hysterics, condemn him, or try to suppress the expression of emotions.

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Unfavorable psychological situation in the family

Children react sharply to the family situation. If parents swear, drink, scandals and even fights happen - all this affects the child’s psyche.

A child can get nervous even when parents scold an older brother or sister for getting a bad grade at school, doing homework, for lack of order in the room, and so on.

You should not yell at a two-year-old child, much less spank him for some pranks or carelessness.

You can always explain everything to everyone calmly. Avoid scandals at home, especially in the presence of children, and especially do not yell at them. Children's psyche is very weak. First, nightmares, hysterics, and then more serious psychological disorders may appear.

Recommendations for preventing hysterics from experts

1. Create a clear daily routine, stick to it every day and with the whole family, repeating actions in a certain order. If changes are planned in the daily routine, they should not be spontaneous for the child; the child should be told about this. This will prepare him for the changes.
2. A separate point about sleep. There should be enough time for it, and there must be a day’s rest.
3. Develop a clear system of rules, restrictions and prohibitions that applies to the child regardless of what day it is, where and with which family member he is.
4. Do not overload the child’s nervous system, try not to saturate his day with too many bright emotions and impressions - a little of each good thing.
5. Talk to your doctor about special magnesium and vitamin C supplements for children (usually in gummy form). Magnesium will help strengthen the baby's nervous system. Consultation with a specialist in this matter is required.
6. If you see that the child's indignation is already close, try to distract him to avoid hysterics.

What to do

The instructions include several steps.

Interception attempt

To avoid hysteria, you need to:

1. Study the precursors (they are individual for everyone).
2. Be able to recognize an approaching attack in advance.
3. Urgently distract, switch attention to something exciting, interesting.

As distractions, you can use bright books, favorite toys, pets, watching what is happening on the street, looking for goodies in the kitchen, etc. Parents know their baby better and should be aware of what might really interest him. The technique is effective only if the hysteria has not yet begun. It is useless to use it during an attack.

Problem Identification

When the child calms down, it is necessary to find out the cause of his disorder and, having clearly formulated, talk about the problem that has arisen. For example: “You’re angry because I didn’t buy you a doll,” “You’re offended because you weren’t allowed to go out for a walk yet.” First, it will allow him to realize what happened. Secondly, it will teach you to talk about your own feelings.

After this, an explanatory conversation is held about why he did not get what he wanted: “We agreed that we would buy a doll for his birthday,” “We still need to have dinner, wash and play - we wouldn’t have time to do all this if we stayed for a walk.”

Such open, confidential conversations bring children closer to their parents, contribute to the establishment of closer contact, teach them to think logically and be aware of the presence of limiting boundaries that cannot be crossed under any circumstances.

Not everything will work out the first time - at first the child will argue and defend his rights, but gradually realizes the futility of such rebellions and his own wrongness.

Keeping Calm

If you couldn’t prevent the approaching thunderstorm, you can try to stop your child’s hysteria by following these instructions:

1. Do not prove anything to him, do not explain, do not educate him, since at this moment he is not able to adequately perceive speech and communicate normally.
2. Do not raise your voice under any circumstances.
3. Do not use physical force: pulling the arm, shaking, slapping the butt, slapping the head - this will only worsen the situation.
4. Do not regret, do not panic that he is in pain (due to the lack of motor control, pain is not felt).

While remaining calm, you need to lean towards the child or sit down in front of him so that your eyes are at his level (in no case should you communicate from top to bottom while hanging over him). In an even, peaceful voice, quietly say the key phrase: “I understand that you are offended, but you can’t behave like that.” She kills several birds with one stone:

• you show him your involvement: you understand him;
• you formulate the problem, helping him to realize his own emotion (resentment);
• remind you of the rules of behavior that should already be instilled.

The peaceful tone of voice and emotional equanimity of an adult should also have a calming effect. If you manage to capture attention, a hug and a kiss on the cheek will help you finally cope with a child’s hysteria. If educational measures were taken before, such actions on the part of an adult will be enough to stop the attack. But what to do if you couldn’t stop it?

Ignoring

If the hysteria continues despite all your actions, the only correct way out of the current situation is to ignore it. This is the most difficult thing for parents. After all, it seems to them that:

• The child is about to have a heart attack, he is screaming so hard;
• he will break and scratch his head and hands until they bleed;
• everyone looks at him and judges him;
• it will never end.

These thoughts need to be discarded. It’s easy to cope with such a panicky mood if you make sure once that a child’s hysteria does not lead to serious consequences (a heart attack or a concussion). Abrasions on the arms and forehead will go away quickly. As for those around you, if everything happens in a public place, think about the fact that you are seeing all these people for the first and last time, so their opinion does not matter. If there is someone you know among them, you can quietly apologize to him. An adequate person will understand that this happens to many people in childhood.

As soon as the child understands that the hysteria had no effect and the adult remained indifferent, he will stop screaming and hitting the floor. When a means to achieve a goal turns out to be useless, he needs to look for a replacement, which he will do, thinking over a new plan.

Attention! The behavior of an adult requires adjustment if the hysteria occurred in a public place where:

• a huge number of people, a tightly packed crowd (in public transport, for example);
• there are old people, disabled people, other small children, pregnant women next to you;
• silence is required (at a performance).

You need to understand that in such situations the child interferes with others and may even accidentally harm them (kick, bite, hit, scratch). The adult’s task is to prevent this from happening and take him away or urgently distract him. The most effective maneuver is the effect of a sudden switch of attention: “Wow! Look who's flying in the sky! Over there! Don't you see? Don’t know who it is?”, “Oh, where did your scarf go? I definitely remember you wearing it! Where could he have disappeared to? You know?". But keep in mind: every time you need to come up with something new. Children are unlikely to fall for the same trick twice.

Summarizing

After the hysteria ends, you should not immediately start scolding the child, educating him, or expressing your displeasure. You need to wait some time. At the same time, try to pay minimal attention to it. But don’t ignore if he asks something and tries, as they say, to build bridges. Be sure to answer, but in monosyllables, reluctantly, demonstrating with your appearance that you are unhappy with what happened.

Psychologists recommend waiting a pause of 15 minutes after a hysteria. If it drags on, it will be useless to talk: short-term memory is responsible for children’s emotions, so 20-30 minutes after the incident they may not remember why it happened and what exactly they are to blame for. It also makes no sense to start a conversation earlier, since the resentment and dissatisfaction will still be too fresh and everything could happen again.

First, the problem is identified and formulated: “You are offended / angry / upset because...”. This technique was described in detail above for stopping hysteria at the initial stage.

After this, it is necessary to draw the child’s attention to the consequences of the hysteria he threw:

• “Look: you scratched your hands / hurt your forehead.”
• “You really scared the girl who was standing next to you.”
• "You made me sad".
• “What you did is bad - you can’t behave like that, you and I have already talked about this. Therefore, you will have to be punished."

He must understand that this cannot be done. Don’t be afraid to punish for tantrums - the carrot and stick system gives its results in education. Of course, this should not be physical violence or deprivation of a walk (= fresh air). What is allowed:

• place for 5-7 minutes (depending on age) in a corner;
• leave him alone for a while to think about his behavior (if there are adults in adjacent rooms);
• deprive of sweets;
• replace your phone (tablet/TV) with a book with an instructive tale;
• go to bed earlier.

If a child learns exactly why he is being punished, believe me, next time he will think carefully before throwing another tantrum.

Actions for night tantrums

1. Stay calm and clear-headed so as not to accidentally harm the baby and come to the rescue.
2. Supervise your child to prevent him from hurting himself.
3. Adjust your daily routine so that your baby does not get overtired, and set aside at least an hour for naps during the day. Increase your sleep time at night by staggering your wake-up time or bedtime.
4. Do not remind your child about night attacks, so as not to provoke him even more.
5. After an attack, provide him with a sense of security: turn on the night light, read your favorite bedtime story, lie down with him until he falls asleep.

But the most important advice for any hysteria: be gently persistent, show the child that you love him in any way and will never turn your back on him.

Expert opinion

Insomnia is a problem that many children face. This condition is highly treatable, the main thing is to identify the root cause. As a somnologist, I want to say that insomnia in children can be eliminated without taking medications. Unlike adult patients, children do not require pills for proper sleep (except for particularly severe cases). Self-medication is also not recommended. While soothing teas with lemon balm or chamomile can be successfully used to treat insomnia, taking sleeping pills without consulting a doctor is extremely dangerous. This may cause side effects and worsen the clinical picture.

Sources

• Mindell JA, Kuhn B, Lewin DS et al. Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children // Sleep. 2006. Vol. 29. No. 10. P. 1263–1276.
• The International classification of sleep disorders [Diagnostic and coding manual]. 3rd ed. USA: American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 2014.
• Frank MG, Benington JH The role of sleep in memory consolidation and brain plasticity: dream or reality? // Neuroscientist. 2006. Vol. 12. No. 6. P. 477–488.