Autumn is a stressful time for many children. With the beginning of the school year, some go to school for the first time, others to kindergarten. And the latter begin... loud hysterics in the locker room. After all, you don’t want mom or dad to go to work!
In this article, psychologist Anastasia Kovaleva
gives ten valuable tips on how to help your child adapt to kindergarten. They will be useful even to those parents who have been struggling with morning tears for many years.
How to talk to your child about kindergarten
Almost all children want to go to kindergarten until they have been there several times.
The fact is that most kids develop completely unrealistic expectations from kindergarten. They imagine that this is a fairy-tale house inhabited by cute children who play and eat all sorts of goodies all day long. The fact that the mother is not there is somehow not perceived in advance, partly because many have not had the experience of being without a mother for a long time. Therefore, when talking about kindergarten, tell your child the truth and only the truth - maybe not the whole thing, but without distortion.
The child should know in advance that big children go to the kindergarten. He has grown up, he is big, so he will go to kindergarten. Under no circumstances should you be afraid of a kindergarten as a place where bad kids are sent. On the contrary, say that those children who cry when they are brought to kindergarten are simply still small.
You can ask the child if he is big or small. He will probably answer that it is big. And big ones behave like big ones. At least they're trying. Just don’t make him promise that he’ll be a good boy. Remember: children are often not masters of their behavior; they are at the mercy of strong feelings and emotions.
What to do to prevent a child from crying in kindergarten?
What parents can do to prevent their child from crying in kindergarten:
- conduct psychological preparation of the child 3-4 months before the start of the kindergarten;
- tell your child more often about the benefits of the garden, for example, many kids like to hear that they have become adults;
- on the first day in kindergarten, do not leave him for more than 2 hours;
- allow you to take a toy from home with you (just not too expensive);
- clearly define the time frame when mom will pick him up, for example after breakfast, after lunch or after a walk;
- communicate with your child and ask him about his day every time;
- don't be nervous and don't show it to your child, no matter how hard it may be for you.
When is the best time to go to kindergarten?
The ideal age for a child to adapt to kindergarten, according to psychologists and educators, is 1 year 8 months. During this period, the child has already mastered basic self-care skills, significant progress has been noted in his development, and the mother has not yet completed her maternity leave and has time to complete the baby’s adaptation period.
It is not recommended for your child to start attending kindergarten between October and April, when outbreaks of respiratory diseases are most common, which will increase the duration of the child’s adaptation period. The best time to enroll in a preschool institution is May-September.
Causes
Psychologists cannot accurately and unambiguously name the specific causes of age-related crises. Certain influencing causes of the 3-year crisis and factors that can be traced in certain situations are identified.
- Features of the child's temperament . Children with a weak or unstable type of nervous activity are more likely to experience a crisis with the most acute manifestations. It is especially difficult for children with choleric temperament or melancholic children. Sanguine and phlegmatic people are less susceptible to crisis changes.
- Authoritarian parenting is another reason for the serious crisis of preschool age. The constant dictatorship of parents, suppression of initiative and ignoring the wishes of the child leads to violent protests.
- Increased anxiety of parents and excessive care for the baby (overprotection) . The child’s aspirations and desires are suppressed due to excessive worry about his health. Parents do not consider the child independent; they do everything for him.
- Health problems . Mental disorders, neurological diseases and severe chronic pathology affect the reactions of children.
- Conflicts within the family . In this case, psychologists give recommendations for parents - not to involve the child in adult problems and to protect him from clarifying parental relationships and negativity.
How to cope: advice to parents from psychologists
It is important for parents to understand that a critical period is normal and will not last long. However, the situation cannot be left to chance. A student may not be able to adapt to a new situation on his own, and the negative experience will traumatize the psyche, cause neuroses, make him insecure and deprive him of friends.
To help a child overcome the 7-year-old child crisis, parents should follow basic recommendations from a psychologist:
- talk in a friendly manner, without pressure or reproaches;
- criticize not a person, but actions;
- give reasons for refusals and comments;
- learn to discuss problems, analyze the causes and consequences of a situation;
- analyze the emotional components of situations;
- talk about the past day, take an interest in the actions of the teacher, classmates, and also find out the child’s opinion about what happened;
- create a clear schedule that will include time for homework, helping parents around the house, hobbies, and also, of course, time for relaxation and favorite children’s games;
- maintain contact with the teacher, respond to any difficulties and problems in school life.
Recommendations for overcoming the crisis also include a number of actions that parents should avoid. Do not do it:
- raise your voice;
- punish physically;
- compare with others;
- criticize in front of others;
- treats the child as property;
- criticize the teacher's actions;
- violate rules that must be strictly followed;
- worry about minor comments from the teacher or bad grades;
- ignore growing up and continue to treat the child as a baby.
If the condition of a daughter or son causes excessive concern, and behavior becomes uncontrollable, parents may not be able to cope with the crisis on their own. In this case, you can contact a psychologist. The specialist will tell parents what to do, help the child adapt and ease the transition to school life.
Our Tanya is crying loudly. What is child manipulation and how to deal with it
There are situations when a child insists on his own, using all the methods and methods available to him. Persuasion, hysteria, threats, ultimatums, and deception are used. If the baby eventually gets what he wants, he understands that his tactics are working. Afterwards, he begins to constantly manipulate his parents and play on their feelings. Olga Fedorova, a psychologist at the Moscow psychological assistance service, tells how to behave as an adult in such a situation.
Not all wishes must
be fulfilled.
A child begins to manipulate when he feels overprotective. Parents buy the baby everything he wants and fulfill his every whim. Not getting what he wants, he begins to cry, get angry, and threaten.
“Such children measure their importance by the number of things they receive. When a parent buys him a toy that the entire store has demanded from a concert, the child confirms his worth and authority.”
, notes the psychologist.
There are parents who allow their child absolutely everything. So they are trying to give the child the opportunity to “express himself” and “grow as a free person.”
Children can throw their things around, damage furniture, draw on wallpaper, jump on the sofa with their shoes on, and ignore daily routines and meals.
“Such children have the illusion that they can get
whatever they want. Subsequently, they will have a difficult time in the garden and school - where they need to follow certain rules. They do not know how to adequately perceive criticism. It is often believed that a remark is a demonstration of dislike.
In the future, it will be difficult for them to take responsibility for their actions ,” says the specialist.
Often parents who cannot cope with their emotions try to protect their child from unpleasant experiences. They get upset if the child is sad, angry, or irritated. They want to be the best parents so that the child loves them and is completely dependent on them. And they are afraid that he may consider them bad, get angry or offended.
“As a result, children grow up, but do not learn to cope with their emotions .
Also, parents often show their child through their behavior how to achieve what they want. Phrases and persuasion: “ if you love mom , eat the porridge , ” “ if you want candy , go clean up , ” “ don’t cry, I’ll buy you some sweets .
” On the part of adults, this is also manipulation towards the child,” noted Olga Fedorova.
This is manipulation!
Manipulation has many faces:
Helplessness
The baby, who seems to know how to dress himself and hold a spoon, refuses to dress himself every morning, asks his mother to feed him, says that he is tired and that he cannot do it. He knows that his mother will take pity on him and will do everything for him.
Hysterics
Having once seen the confusion and helplessness of the parents, the baby understands well when he can achieve his goal: he needs to fall on the floor, scream loudly or stomp his feet, preferably in a crowded place. Then mom, in order to avoid the sidelong glances of other buyers, will buy another toy or forbidden sweet.
Pretense
Often restless parents are ready to fulfill all the wishes of the baby if he is not feeling well. They can give you more time to watch cartoons, more goodies, and allow you to break your daily routine. The baby begins to use this, more often he says that he is weak, that he is tired, wants to lie down, does not have the strength to go to kindergarten, his head or tummy hurts.
Suck up
Having once received material encouragement after showing affection and sympathy, the baby begins to specifically show love.
Rivalry between family members
One parent allows what the other forbids. The child begins to understand well who to turn to for what.
Tears
A baby can only communicate its needs by crying, and this is normal. Manipulation is when a child who can speak takes advantage of it. He understands that his parents find it difficult to bear his crying and they are ready to do anything to keep him from getting upset.
Touchiness
The child does not make contact, ignoring the parents’ requests in every possible way. He turns away, showing his offense. And he himself waits for his parents to complain and fulfill all their whims.
Aggression
Not getting what he wants, the child begins to destroy everything around or fight with others. He expects that, fearful of his reaction and consequences, his parents will make concessions.
Stubbornness
The child insists on his own and does not want to give in to anything. He argues with his parents and sees injustice in everything, refuses to follow the rules and daily routine, practically organizing a boycott of his parents.
Look for reasons
In order not to follow the child’s lead, it is necessary to understand the reason for his actions.
If your child avoids some self-care skills, it is important to figure out what he can’t do. Give more time to practice the skill, factor this time into preparation. It is often easier for parents to do it themselves rather than wait for the child to do it. It is important to encourage him: “how quickly/well/carefully you did it!”, be it dressing for a walk or feeding.
“ It is important that the parent himself is calm and can withstand the intensity of the child’s passions. It is necessary to name the feeling that the baby is experiencing ,
you are angry, you are angry, you are upset, you are offended , you would really like this toy, sweets, etc.” It is important to let your child understand that you share his feelings, hear him, but there are rules and agreements. The child must clearly understand that his actions do not work. If he showed aggression , tried to hit his parent, then it is necessary to say that “ you can’t hit me, but you can hit the pillow,”
says the psychologist.
If your child sucks up, also show affection and love. And in response to the request, calmly explain the reason for the refusal.
Press service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the Population of Moscow
Is it worth taking me to kindergarten if my child is crying?
From the point of view of sociology, psychology and pedagogy, kindergarten is considered as a positive factor contributing to the full development of the child and his proper upbringing. Collective life teaches a child to communicate with peers and with adults, thanks to which over time it will be easier for him to study at school and build relationships with management and work colleagues.
Timely preparation of a child for kindergarten begins several months before the planned event, but even in this case, problems with adaptation are possible. Children with a high degree of adaptation, for whom a change of environment does not cause much discomfort, get used to a new team most easily. It’s more difficult for kids with a low degree of adaptation. The term “non-kindergarten child” is often applied to them. What should parents of such children do? Is it worth taking a child to kindergarten if he cries?
Parents must answer the last question for themselves. How often the baby gets sick also plays an important role. Typically, children with low adaptation have a sharp decrease in immunity, so they are more susceptible to various diseases. If a mother can afford to stay at home with her child, then she may well make such a decision for herself. But it is worth considering that, as a rule, such children have difficulty getting used not only to kindergarten, but also to the team at school.
