Cheating - good or bad: psychology of relationships, reasons for cheating, advice from psychologists

November 10, 2018
Psychology of relationships
Marina Pislegina

What is treason? Is it good or bad when one of the partners starts looking for someone on the side? Many people believe that having sex with someone else while having a husband or wife is simply immoral.

Moreover, betrayal for most people is a betrayal that can hardly be forgiven, much less forgotten. It is for this reason that more than half of marriages break up. You will learn more detailed information on this issue while reading this article.

A short introduction

What is treason? Is this good or bad? The answers to these questions are of interest to many people, especially those who have experienced this themselves. So, betrayal is nothing more than the betrayal of a loved one. After all, only someone who was trusted more than themselves can betray. As a rule, these are loved ones and relatives.

If a man cheats on his wife, then in most cases the latter will be able to forgive him and simply turn a blind eye to her husband’s infidelity. However, many representatives of the stronger sex believe that if a beloved woman had intimate intimacy with another, then their relationship is forever destroyed and nothing can be returned back. But is this really so?

If one person truly loves another, then he will be able to forgive him. In addition, some psychologists believe that cheating helps strengthen relationships between partners who have been together for a very long time. True, most people think differently.

Position of science

From the point of view of neuroscience, love, affection, the desire for sex with only one partner is determined solely by the work of neurotransmitters in our brain. The main one is dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the formation of addictions. When partners experience joy from each other’s company, which is usually observed in the “candy-bouquet period,” the level of dopamine tends to the maximum. And sex with a loved one is perceived by the brain as a reward. And since everyone loves awards, interest in their spouse is maintained high.

But over time, changes occur in relationships. We begin to see our partner no longer “through rose-colored glasses,” but with his mistakes and behavior and actions that are not always pleasant to us. The “magical” effect of dopamine decreases, passion subsides. And since not all partners are ready to constantly maintain this “fire” in a relationship, the brain can “tell” you to look for pleasure on the side.

Another neurotransmitter that is important in relationships is oxytocin, called the bonding hormone. It is its sharp release after childbirth that forms the almost instantaneous attachment of a mother to her baby. It also influences the relationship between men and women, as it creates an invisible connection between them. Oxytocin is produced in response to physical contact: kissing, hugging, sex. And the more frequent and close this contact is, the stronger the “oxytocin threads” connecting the spouses will be. If there is no cuddling and regular sex, attraction and attachment will naturally wane and go away.

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a brief description of

Is cheating good or bad? Many experts cannot give a definite answer to the question posed.

From a moral point of view, betrayal is a very bad act, after which it is no longer possible to regain the previous trust in a person. For example, the wife believed that her husband loved and adored her madly, and at that time he had intimate relations with several other women.

But if you look at betrayal from the other side? What can you notice? Men cheat, in particular, for the reason that they simply do not have enough sexual relations with their other half. Therefore, representatives of the stronger half of humanity begin to look to the left. In addition, constant scandals with his wife, her not very pleasant appearance and extra pounds also take their toll. After all, an unkempt housewife who is only busy with cooking and cleaning will not look the same as an attractive employee of a company owned by her husband.

Therefore, in order for a husband not to cheat on his wife, she must always be beautiful and well-groomed, and not deny him sex. This rule must be remembered.

Why do men cheat?2

Women's and men's motives for cheating are very different. Naturally, there are people who do not meet the standards. This is due both to a specific person and his specific characteristics, and to the proposed circumstances.

Now let's focus on the top 5 reasons for cheating on the part of men. Yes, yes, a man doesn’t always cheat “on impulse” either. In most cases, the betrayal of a loved one, who is a wife, is pondered over for a long time. Guys are also capable of feeling, suffering and worrying. For a huge number of men, cheating is a way out of a difficult psychological situation. Contrary to popular belief that “give all men only mechanical sex.”

Regular refusals from the girlfriend

There are so many jokes and tales about wives with sore heads, stomachs, and the wrong mood for intimacy. If a husband regularly tries to seduce his wife, and she flatly refuses, criticizing and belittling him, he will definitely go to the left. Men want sex, on average, more often than women. He can tolerate it for a week or two, but in many families the bed is used only for sleeping for months or years.

Wife nags

This is another reason for comedians to write a sparkling joke, and for men to have a love relationship on the side. He comes tired to his cozy apartment, wants to eat deliciously, relax and make love with his wife. Not so. She is dissatisfied with everything: little attention, we don’t go anywhere on weekends, Irka’s husband bought a fur coat, you don’t wash the dishes, and stuff like that.

A person, especially exhausted due to stress at work, does not want to arrange daily showdowns. Men in general often do not understand the claims made by their other halves. To really relax, to receive female care and affection, he goes on a circumnavigation of the world using dating sites, or periodically visits a colleague for coffee in the evenings.

I want to show myself and look at others

It is not a rare situation when a couple has been together since adolescence, or even from school. At that time, none of them had money, a prestigious job, or a brand new foreign car. A man who has established himself in a profession, founded a business, or simply started earning good money wants to brag about it.

Many people invest free money in their wives. In this way they demonstrate their status. For some, it is important to receive approval from the female half. Then the male goes on the hunt for young girls who are ready to sigh enthusiastically in his company, rejoice at nonsense gifts, and in return give away their young body without any problems.

Wife wants to seem like a "boss"

According to psychologists, women are divided into three categories: plus, zero and minus. A positive young lady is self-sufficient, she respects her husband, listens, but has her own vision of the world. The relationship in such a couple is close to a partnership. Here the woman is the neck, the man is the head.

A zero young lady does not have her own opinion, and if she has one, she is urgently disposed of and breaks down to please her husband. Such women completely refuse independence. A man's word is paramount to them. His interests are placed on the first step of the pedestal. While the zero woman washes the dishes, fries cutlets and gives her beloved a foot massage.

Woman Minus is a story about the collapse of a relationship. She goes against nature. At work - the first, at home - the main one. Takes on all male functions. He also crushes the chosen one with his authority. He ceases to feel his strength and is deprived of the right to vote. Then everything goes along the well-worn path - the man sets out in search of a girl who will make him feel his importance as a male.

How does a woman's infidelity manifest itself?

According to most people who think whether betrayal is good or bad, the infidelity of one of the partners is a great sin. Not everyone can forgive betrayal. And there is an explanation for this.

Moreover, sometimes situations occur when not only men, but also women cheat. This happens due to the fact that the fair sex does not receive proper attention from their spouse or are categorically dissatisfied with their family life.

In certain cases, women cheat because they simply fall in love with another man, who surrounded them with the care and tenderness that was so lacking before. This also happens. Often, because of sudden love, even the strongest marriages are destroyed.

But how can a husband identify the signs of his wife’s infidelity? The psychology of the fair sex is designed in such a way that they can hide a relationship with another man from their permanent partner for a long time. However, the husband may feel that his wife is unfaithful to him. This manifests itself in the fact that a woman who cheats on her regular partner with another man simply moves away from him and becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband.

Reasons for divorce

abuse of alcohol or drugs by spouses or someone individually;
unresolved housing issue;
mutual guilt for various reasons (alcohol, boredom, quarrel, little communication, momentary weakness);
modern women have become more independent and confident in life and are not afraid of losing their spouse because of their infidelity. Signs that a woman has someone: she becomes rude at home, quick-tempered, uncontrollable, irritable, she begins to stay late at work, and often meets with “girlfriends”;
other women, over time, under the pressure of existence, stop taking special care of themselves, their sexuality is lost, they stop lighting up a man, charming and exciting him, they begin to resemble a book they have read. But you must always be different, mysterious, unpredictable, exciting and sexy;
interference of relatives in the couple’s family relationships;
Internet addiction, social networks;
I have some fantasies and dreams and wrong thoughts in my head: everyone is cheating, why don’t I cheat;
a person escapes from accumulated problems that he is not going to solve;
incompatibility of characters, intransigence, unsatisfied needs for understanding, there is no feeling of a kindred spirit and harmony, the impossibility of establishing trusting relationships, people exist on different wavelengths, there are no common interests, mutual understanding and frequent quarrels;
At home you don’t feel attention or respect, life has become gray and monotonous;
early, forced, ill-considered marriage or, conversely, marriage at a late age;
the person is not mature enough for serious family relationships;
the marriage was accidental and there was no love, fell into the trap of false feelings, into the trap of sexual addiction;
a marriage that was committed as a sign of revenge on another person;
sexual dissatisfaction, differences in sexual temperament, and sex is one of the strong components of a happy marriage. The wife often refuses sex, citing that she has a headache, and the husband puts forward the reason that he is very tired at work;
civil marriages, people unsure of their feelings;
feelings have changed, feelings have faded;
an unplanned child or, conversely, the absence of children;
arranged marriages;
financial situation, poverty and uncertainty;
long separations for various reasons (work specifics, imprisonment);
due to health problems of one of the spouses;
one of the spouses is building a career, all in business;
groundless strong jealousy;
infidelity of one of the spouses, animal instinct crushes human consciousness;
nothing provokes husbands to cheat more than jealous wives.

In addition

Many women are afraid that their husband will find out about the affair and file for divorce. Therefore, wanting to save the family, despite remorse, the latter still hide their relationship with another man from their permanent partner.

Women who cheat on their husbands begin to devote more time to their appearance, can spend hours on social networks, and also set a password on their phone so that the husband cannot read messages or answer calls. People are all different, and a noticeable change in a wife’s behavior may not always indicate infidelity to her partner. Everything will depend on the situation.

Statistics on marital infidelity

There are no official statistics on the number of adulterous affairs. It does not exist either in Russia or in the world. In 2021, BBC journalists decided to rectify the situation by conducting a large-scale anonymous survey of men and women aged 30-40. Respondents were asked two questions: have they ever cheated on their partners and do they expect their significant other to cheat? The survey revealed some interesting things.

Firstly, that most people, of course, do not expect cheating. 95% of respondents expressed confidence in their partner’s fidelity. And secondly, the frequency of adultery turned out to be much higher than is commonly believed. 70% of men and 65% of women admitted that they had cheated on their partner at least once.

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Despite the “impressive” numbers, according to the researchers, these results should not be interpreted as definitive proof of the fickleness of human nature. After all, as practice shows, people perceive the concept of betrayal differently.

For a woman, this is not only the physical intimacy of a partner with another woman. A spouse may accuse her husband of cheating if he chats with someone on social networks or pays too much attention to his “friend” at a party. At the same time, a woman may consider herself guilty before her husband if she began to communicate too closely, “mentally” with another man, for example, at work. Despite the fact that there was no physical contact, it is common for many women to scold themselves and feel shame only for close emotional intimacy and passion for someone other than their husband.

Men are more conservative in this regard. As a rule, they call cheating exclusively physical contact with another woman, while light flirting, correspondence on social networks and even open flirtations with office employees and the wife’s friends are not considered adultery.

“Most often, women who are faced with the problem of men cheating come to see me,” comments psychologist and coach Elena Gamayun. “Therefore, despite the fact that there are no official statistics on this issue, from my own experience I can say that men still cheat more often.”

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A little about male infidelity

In fact, for the majority of representatives of the stronger half of humanity, sex with another woman is not something special. Many men do not even perceive any affair with a pretty girl as cheating. Well, it was and was. True, there are those who specifically take on mistresses.

Some wives, having learned that their spouse has another woman, begin to pack their things and file for divorce. After all, betrayal is bad not only from the point of view of morality and morality. And for many women, the infidelity of a loved one can be the end of a long and strong relationship. But this doesn't always happen. And although cheating is bad, married women often turn a blind eye to their husband’s unworthy behavior. After all, not a single married lady wants to become a “divorcee” and raise children alone (if they are married).

Main reasons

Many people often wonder why spouses begin to cheat on their significant other? The answer will depend on the specific situation.

Men cheat only to find something new for themselves. Many husbands are so tired of the constant reproaches of their wives that they think that with another partner everything will be different. Although the reason for a bad relationship with his wife most often lies in himself.

How does a man feel after cheating? The psychology of representatives of the stronger half of humanity is designed in such a way that after a sexual relationship with another lady, a young man can feel discomfort from betrayal and euphoria at the same time. But this manifests itself differently for everyone.

Some men, after cheating, begin to shower their wives with gifts, others become more passionate in bed, and others simply pull away and are completely immersed in a new intimate relationship with a secret partner. It all depends on the person himself.

How to find out

Most often, women try to determine by their man’s behavior that he has begun to cheat. But sometimes representatives of the stronger half of humanity try so hard to hide it that the spouses simply do not realize it.

However, there are certain signs that a man is cheating. The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful spouse is manifested in the following:

he stays late at work (although this is not always an indicator);
set a password on his phone (which means he has something to hide from his wife);
began to pay a lot of attention to his appearance and clothes (including underwear);
he constantly talks on the phone and says that they are calling him at work (but the voice on the phone is heard as female);
changed the password on social networks;
the husband, who was very domestic, suddenly began to have constant business trips;
he spends all his time on the phone;
he is not interested in the lives of his children and wife;
began to give gifts to his wife for no reason;
traces of lipstick on the jacket and shirt (this is an obvious sign that the husband has a mistress);
became very passionate or, on the contrary, very cold in bed and refuses intimacy with his wife.

Of course, all people are different, and a man’s mood may change not because he has someone. There may be problems at work, or he is simply tired and needs to rest. Therefore, you should not take everything literally.

Signs of female infidelity

Women can find it difficult to hide their feelings. Therefore, she either herself admits to cheating, or she will begin to give herself away by the fact that her behavior is changing. Let's figure out how to understand a woman's behavior if she cheated.

Here are the main signs of betrayal:

Stealth. The most obvious sign of betrayal is the woman’s secrecy. If earlier she calmly left her phone unattended, now she always carries it with her and retires to another room for conversations. She also changes passwords for her social media accounts, her computer or laptop, and, of course, her phone.
Coldness in sex. The cheater begins to avoid intimacy with the man with whom she lives in every possible way. This applies not only to sex, but also to simple hugs and kisses. And if there is no sex in a relationship, then the relationship itself will soon not exist.
Nitpicking. A woman begins to be irritated by the actions of a man, which she previously tolerated. For example, scattered clothes, unwashed dishes. This becomes a reason for quarrels.
Indifference. But if a woman stops nagging a man for his scattered socks, wondering where he is and when he will return home, then this is a clear sign of indifference. She is no longer interested in him. Why not think about it?
Can't get through. It was impossible to reach the girl because she often allegedly forgot her phone in the car. Or she turns it off so that the phone does not distract her during meetings and other important meetings. Although before she always answered calls and literally immediately called back as soon as she noticed a missed call. This is a clear sign that the girl is hiding something.

Incitement to betrayal. Some women, who are tormented by their conscience because of betrayal, can offer their man to “go to the left.” Especially after yet another refusal of sex. She may even convince her partner that sex is not cheating at all, thus trying to save her reputation. After all, having succumbed to such persuasion, it will be he who will become the culprit of the breakup of the relationship.
New friends. Suddenly, the girl has new friends and girlfriends with whom she often spends time. At the same time, the girl is in no hurry to introduce her man to these “new friends”, after meeting with whom she returns very satisfied.
Agreement in everything. The girl began to agree with her man on everything and stopped quarreling with him. Although in the past she often argued due to disagreements that arose. She doesn’t want to have unnecessary contact with her man so much that it’s easier to agree with all his ideas.
Transfiguration. When a woman takes on a lover, she begins to take better care of herself. He goes to the gym, to the cosmetologist, to the solarium, to the beauty salon. More often than usual, he buys himself new beautiful and even sexy outfits. Such a transformation in itself is not proof of infidelity. This is rather a reason to think about what these changes are connected with.
Coldness in sex. The cheater begins to avoid intimacy with the man with whom she lives in every possible way. This applies not only to sex, but also to simple hugs and kisses. And if there is no sex in a relationship, then the relationship itself will soon not exist.
Nitpicking. A woman begins to be irritated by the actions of a man, which she previously tolerated. For example, scattered clothes, unwashed dishes. This becomes a reason for quarrels.
Indifference. But if a woman stops nagging a man for his scattered socks, wondering where he is and when he will return home, then this is a clear sign of indifference. She is no longer interested in him. Why not think about it?
Can't get through. It was impossible to reach the girl because she often allegedly forgot her phone in the car. Or she turns it off so that the phone does not distract her during meetings and other important meetings. Although before she always answered calls and literally immediately called back as soon as she noticed a missed call. This is a clear sign that the girl is hiding something.
Incitement to betrayal. Some women, who are tormented by their conscience because of betrayal, can offer their man to “go to the left.” Especially after yet another refusal of sex. She may even convince her partner that sex is not cheating at all, thus trying to save her reputation. After all, having succumbed to such persuasion, it will be he who will become the culprit of the breakup of the relationship.
New friends. Suddenly, the girl has new friends and girlfriends with whom she often spends time. At the same time, the girl is in no hurry to introduce her man to these “new friends”, after meeting with whom she returns very satisfied.
Agreement in everything. The girl began to agree with her man on everything and stopped quarreling with him. Although in the past she often argued due to disagreements that arose. She doesn’t want to have unnecessary contact with her man so much that it’s easier to agree with all his ideas.

If a girl shows at least some of these signs in her behavior, then she has something to hide. I also advise you to watch a video on how to understand that a woman is cheating.

Experts' opinion

And if one of the spouses nevertheless admitted to the other that he had cheated, should he be forgiven? It all depends on the specific situation.

Many psychologists believe that people need time to understand whether they need to forgive betrayal or not. Of course, if the unfaithful spouse realized everything and asked for forgiveness, then you can try to give him a chance. Although it is not a fact that this will not happen again.

What happens to a woman after her husband cheats? The psychology of behavior of a deceived wife manifests itself in such a way that she, as a rule, does not know what to do in the current situation. At first, the girl experiences pain and disappointment, and a reluctance to even see the cheater. But then everything goes away. And most women easily forgive their husbands’ betrayal and continue to live as if nothing had happened. It all depends on the specific situation.

If a man cheated and left for another, then should he be forgiven? Psychologists say that you need to try, but you don’t have to forgive your offender. Therefore, if the wife from whom her husband left cannot immediately forgive him, then there is no need to do this. It is possible that he simply does not deserve it.

But what to do in a situation where the husband first left for another woman, and then realized that he loved his wife and wanted to come back? Is it worth forgiving him, much less accepting him back? This is something every woman decides for herself. Spouses can seek help from a family psychologist. It is possible that the latter will help them find a way out of a difficult situation.

Reasons for female infidelity

Women are monogamous by nature. Therefore, cheating is a sign of a serious crisis in a relationship. It’s worth figuring out what reasons might push her to take this step.

Emotional vacuum

A woman needs emotional intimacy and attention from her partner. If a man is not interested in his lady’s feelings and considers them unworthy of attention, she begins to feel lonely and unnecessary. Realizing the lack of attention to herself, the girl becomes vulnerable.

And if at this moment another guy begins to look after her, show care and sensitivity, then betrayal may occur unintentionally. Which does not relieve the traitor of the blame for what happened.

Loneliness

If a man spends almost 24 hours a day at work or often goes on long business trips, the woman experiences a feeling of loneliness. She may even feel abandoned.

This feeling intensifies if, in rare moments of being together, the chosen one does not pay enough attention to his partner. Therefore, the lady takes a lover to overcome loneliness. But the woman does not plan to break off relations with the man with whom she lives.

This also includes those cases when the partner is physically nearby, but in terms of his range of interests he is very far from the partner. He is more drawn to virtual reality, to watching TV, to drinking beer with friends, but not to his chosen one. And if she does not dare to leave such a man and continues to live with him, then, most likely, she will soon have a lover with whom she will again feel interesting and desirable.

Boredom

In many couples, stormy emotions and trembling excitement are replaced by calm and boredom. This is especially true for marriages. The man had already won his girlfriend and calmed down. He no longer needs to actively court her, invite her on dates, constantly surprise her and give gifts.

Now she belongs to him. At least that's what he thinks. Therefore, he prefers chatting with friends, watching TV or playing computer games to spending time with his significant other.

A girl can have a hard time experiencing such changes in relationships. She will make every effort to change the situation and again “revive” monotonous and boring relationships. But if her chosen one does not meet her halfway, she may decide to cheat. Secrecy, excitement and passion will create a surge of pleasant emotions. At the same time, the girl will still love her permanent partner.

Sexual dissatisfaction

Sex, like emotional intimacy, is one of the main components of a relationship. At the moment of orgasm, the female body produces a fivefold dose of the happiness hormone - oxytocin. This hormone increases attraction to a partner, strengthens the feeling of intimacy, unity and harmony with the chosen one. Therefore, lack of sex may well become the cause of female infidelity.

Because a husband often denies his wife intimacy, a woman may get the impression that he is no longer attracted to her. Therefore, in order to feel desired again, she takes on a lover.

The other side of this issue is not the quantity, but the quality of sex. It happens that a couple has a lot of sex, but the game consistently “goes one way.” If at the same time a man makes no attempt to change the situation and qualitatively satisfy his partner, then most likely the matter will end in female infidelity. A woman will satisfy her need for sex on the side.

Sexual dissatisfaction is one of the most common reasons why married women cheat on their husbands.

Revenge

The reason for female infidelity may lie in a very strong desire to take revenge on her man for the complete betrayal. At the same time, the woman will not intentionally hide the fact of betrayal in order to cause him pain and suffering. Physical intimacy with her lover itself is unlikely to bring her anything other than sexual satisfaction. And even that is not a fact!

By cheating, a girl can take revenge not only for betrayal, but also for the rude attitude, humiliation, assault or drunkenness of her man. This is a kind of act of protest. At the same time, she will not rush to leave her chosen one, hoping that he will come to his senses and the relationship will improve again.

Money

A girl who is too fixated on material goods can cheat on a man if he is not able to provide for her and cover all expenses. To do this, she takes on a rich lover, but continues to live with her beloved guy.

However, women are more likely to cheat on their men, even when they have money and the couple does not feel the need. Financial success increases the level of the male hormone testosterone in the female body.

A successful lady depends less and less on her partner. Her level of the female hormone estrogen decreases. Such women are much more likely to want to have a one-night stand just to have fun.

In married women who are more financially dependent on their husbands, estrogen levels are much higher than testosterone levels. Therefore, they are more attached to their partner.

However, one should not assume that all representatives of the fairer sex who have achieved financial success cheat on their men. This can only strengthen the existing desire to commit treason.

Career

Cheating can even occur for the sake of career growth and obtaining the desired high position. Unfortunately, nowadays such cases are not uncommon. Most often, the initiator of an illegal relationship is a male leader, but there are cases when a woman herself expresses readiness to take such a step.

A break up

Breaking off a relationship, especially a long-term one, is not easy. The girl is afraid to admit to the guy that her old feelings have disappeared. Therefore, she decides to cheat in order to burn all bridges and end the relationship forever. In general, this happens quite rarely.

More often, a woman takes a lover in order to start a new relationship and not be left alone after breaking up an old one.

Age-related changes

With age, a woman begins to notice the loss of some qualities that previously made her attractive to members of the opposite sex.

Ladies begin to feel this especially acutely after 40 years. If your beloved man has already forgotten how to give compliments and has long stopped admiring his companion, she will again want to feel desired and sexually in demand. And he will begin to look for confirmation of this on the side.

Emotional immaturity

It happens that very young girls strive to start a serious relationship and even get married as soon as possible. Such a rush leads to the fact that partners do not have time to get to know each other properly. Subsequently, disappointment sets in in family life.

The girl has no emotional, physical, or material satisfaction. Therefore, she takes an example from her unmarried friends and begins, as they say, to walk.

A special type of woman

Despite the fact that women are monogamous by nature, even among them there are sometimes easily accessible young ladies. They like to change men frequently. The girl experiences great pleasure from this. At the same time, she is comfortable living with a guy who is resigned to her adventures, endures everything and constantly forgives her. These also happen.

There is such a psychological diagnosis as nymphomania. This is a phenomenon in which a girl constantly experiences sexual desire and wants sex. She changes sexual partners very often. This psychological illness does not allow her to remain faithful.

Why do women cheat

It's no secret that many men do not value their wives at all. Moreover, as time passes, they completely stop paying attention to them. And women want attention and affection. Everything is quite simple.

How does a woman cheat? The psychology of the behavior of an unfaithful wife may not be entirely clear. On the one hand, the lady becomes cold and insensitive towards her husband, but at the same time, the latter will try to hide the betrayal from her chosen one.

What will this behavior lead to? Sooner or later she will admit to cheating, or her husband will figure it out himself.

Why do women start cheating on their spouses? This only happens because of the inattention or bad attitude of men towards their wives.

A woman cheats because she is looking for something better, and a man cheats because he wants to find something new. The difference here is, of course, obvious. Therefore, if a woman feels loved and desired, she will never cheat on her husband. All men should know about this.

Where are the reasons?

It will be necessary to figure out where the reasons for this situation lie. Who is right, who is wrong? Maybe the reason lies not in your spouse, but in you. Maybe you stopped showing signs of attention to your other half for one reason or another, maybe you forgot to give compliments, and who doesn’t love them. They are sometimes very inspiring and inspiring. Maybe you have become less gentle and attractive, and the feelings of your significant other have gradually begun to cool down.

Flowers, surprises, joint trips to the cinema, the theater, the desire to pleasantly surprise each other and please each other become dull over the years. True, this happens for some almost in the first months of life together, for others years later, and for others after a long time after a seemingly happy life. And there are cases, although there are not many of them, that people link their destinies forever, for the rest of their lives, even die together.

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During a divorce, women are more likely to bring up everyday problems: the husband drinks, assaults her, has little income, does not provide any help at home or any attention, etc. Less often, women refer to the fact that the husband has another woman.

Men put forward slightly different reasons: he fell in love with someone else and cannot live without her, he lacks some kind of spiritual warmth. They refer more to feelings, rather than to everyday moments. Yes, betrayal and divorce are very difficult and painful. Life is unpredictable and treacherous, and no one is immune from relationship breakdown. Some cheat out of stupidity, some out of drunkenness, some out of revenge, and some simply find it difficult to resist temptation.

Women forgive their husbands for infidelity much more often than men do. Cheating on one's wives is a severe blow to a man's pride. The man begins to take revenge on her in every possible way. A man cannot approach his wife’s infidelity in a balanced and reasonable manner; he stops being aware of his actions and can cause a lot of trouble.

Family violence

Therefore, for women who find it difficult and unbearable to live with their husbands, it is better to first part with their husbands peacefully, and then look for another love. If mutual infidelity occurs, it is almost impossible to save the family. If the betrayals continue, and the person has ceased to respect and love you, then there is no point in holding him back and inflicting an even greater wound on himself.

As they say, you cannot glue a broken vase, and if it does, it will be fragile and sooner or later it will break anyway. Women are sometimes afraid to change their lives, no matter what it is. Yes, sometimes it’s difficult and scary to do this, but not changing a hopeless married life is stupid. When a person reads an uninteresting book or watches a boring movie, he probably doesn’t finish reading the book or watching the movie.

A person often holds on and clings to something bad and unnecessary. This is the power of habit. You must be able to cut off and leave, let go and get rid of. If your shoes squeeze you and make it difficult to walk in them, they cause blisters and hurt your feet. What are you doing? Either you try to endure it, or you try to wear your shoes in, or you simply easily change them for new ones. Everything that interferes with a normal life must be swept away. There is no need to hold on to the sinking Titanic.

How to forgive

In a relationship where cheating has occurred, everything either starts all over again or ends forever. For some very principled people, this is a betrayal. But living with a traitor under the same roof and building a family is very difficult, almost impossible.

In order to continue your relationship with your husband or wife after cheating, you must first forgive your loved one. Yes, for many it is difficult and almost impossible, but it is necessary. Otherwise the relationship will end.

By the way, spouses can live separately for some time in order to feel how important and necessary they are to each other. This is necessary in such a difficult situation. After time has passed, you can think about how to forgive the person. To continue with him or not. After all, as time passes, there will be no more acute resentment, and it is possible that the relationship will improve again.

A person should be given a second chance only if he himself wants it. If a man leaves and does not want to return, then the woman needs to let him go and forget. And the main thing is to forgive and build your life further without him.

It is not always possible for a woman to immediately see signs of betrayal in her husband’s behavior. The psychology of relationships between married couples is based on mutual trust, which means that the spouse simply does not want to see and hear the truth that her loved one is unfaithful to her. It is possible that this has its advantages. After all, many men cheat on their women, but at the same time maintain their families, and only a few leave in search of something better, and then return back. A lot depends on the wisdom and patience of a woman.