Arrogance is what it is: is it good or bad to be an arrogant person?

Remember the famous work “The Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights”, in which one of the heroines turns to the mirror: “My light mirror, tell me and tell me the whole truth: am I the sweetest, the most ruddy and whitest in the world?” In fact, this is not asked by the heroine herself, but by her arrogance. What happened after the answer that there is a more beautiful person? Anger, irritation, the queen’s anger and a broken mirror. A completely typical reaction of an arrogant person to outside criticism, alternative opinions and doubts about his uniqueness and superiority.

What is arrogance

Arrogance is an individual’s conviction of his own superiority, a disdainful attitude towards other people (lower in status, merit or position in the subjective understanding of the individual). An arrogant person neglects the needs and interests of other people, does not respect anyone except individuals of the same circle (elite) or no one at all except himself (with a pronounced god complex).

An arrogant person “measures” himself and other people highly. Only if he himself fits this bar, then those around him, as a rule, do not. We can talk about a subjective understanding of wealth, happiness, success, love, status. “I can do everything, and everyone owes me, because I am the best,” is the motto of arrogant individuals.

Arrogance is a variant of the manifestation of pride, although more often these concepts are identified. Pride (arrogance) is a mortal sin in the perception of believers and an intolerable personal trait in the understanding of atheists. The main difference between pride and arrogance is that pride does not require an environment; arrogance requires approval from someone or worship from someone, that is, there is dependence on other people.

Interestingly, successful, rich or wealthy people do not always suffer from arrogance. For example, a person who is convinced that success in life is achieved through connections, talents and fate, and who attributes his failure to “bad luck,” may be arrogant and arrogant towards those who have achieved this success. But you and I know that a person is the master of his own destiny, it’s just that some people don’t know this or don’t want to know. So they arrogantly say to more successful and accomplished individuals: “Teach me here again. It's easy for you to say. I also found a sage.”

How does arrogance manifest itself?

There are a fairly large number of examples of arrogance, but the most common include the following:

Critical attitude to comments;
Reluctance to admit guilt;
Constant criticism of other people, searching for their mistakes;
Constant expectation of praise;
Desire to often talk about personal successes;
Creating an image of a pleasant person during the first meeting;
Attempts to take the role of the “main” in the relationship;

Arrogance can be similar to the character trait of obsessiveness. But at the same time they cannot be called synonyms.

Signs of Arrogance

You can suspect arrogance based on the following signs:

disregard for other people and their needs;
conviction of one's own superiority and righteousness;
having your own opinion on every question and defending your opinion (contrary to the feelings and desires of other people);
heightened self-esteem;
egoism and egocentrism;
manipulation of people;
demonstration of one's benefits, virtues, achievements;
demanding of others and ignoring one’s responsibilities;
indifference, lack of empathy and compassion.

An arrogant person never admits his mistakes or asks for forgiveness. Even if he realizes (which happens rarely) that he was wrong, he will not apologize. Apologizing and admitting mistakes is beneath him.

Arrogance is written on the face, reflected in the gaze and gait. As a rule, it is indicated by a raised eyebrow, narrowed eyes, a grin or both lips slightly protruded with a raised chin, a sidelong glance or a “top-down” look. The gait is imposing, the shoulders are straightened, the back is straight, they will never give way on the way.

Vicious Arrogance: How to Recognize

Arrogance is a destructive flaw that can become a catalyst for anger, lies, selfishness and other vices. It is important to identify this negative trait in yourself in time. The following signs will help you recognize vicious arrogance:

Lack of desire to ask questions. A person considers himself smarter than others, so he does not need new information.
In a conversation, an arrogant person hears only himself. The point of view of the interlocutor is not interested.
A vain person loves to teach others.
Arrogance provokes a love of praise. The thirst for power and dominance is the main goal that a snob wants to achieve.
Subservience is the secret weapon of arrogant people who seek to please high society in order to strengthen their own importance.

Arrogance

The Origins of Arrogance

In a broad sense, two reasons for the development of arrogance can be noted, although these are completely different areas: overcompensation for shortcomings (a protective mechanism of the psyche) and arrogance against the backdrop of real success. Thus, the causes of arrogance are:

feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem, self-doubt (overcompensation);
inflated sense of self-worth and inflated self-esteem (including against the backdrop of real achievements);
egoism and egocentrism;
cultivation of certain values in the family, the example of parents, that is, hereditary arrogance (for example, nurturing arrogance from childhood based on social status);
education according to the “family idol” type;
flattery and servility (in relation to an arrogant person).

An arrogant person considers his point of view and his way of life to be the only correct one. He humiliates and ridicules everything else; he does not want and cannot understand and accept. More often, arrogance is based on material wealth or status, position, and much less often on human qualities.

As a defense mechanism, arrogance occurs when an individual is convinced that he is inferior to other people. So that his weaknesses are not noticed and taken advantage of, he attacks first (the best defense is attack). Sometimes behind the mask of arrogance there is a shyness or embarrassment of a person, an introverted personality.

How to deal with it

To cope with your own arrogance, you need to come down to earth, so to speak. An adequate attitude to reality, studying the world around us - the way it really is - will help to overcome this feeling. It is imperative to communicate with a large number of people. Getting to know a variety of representatives of the human race will allow you to realize your own weaknesses and the superiority of others in certain areas.

There is no need to be afraid of this superiority. Communication with people will also help you see that even initially weak people achieve success without really trying to hide these weaknesses.

To overcome arrogance, you need to learn to understand alternative points of view on a particular problem. Everyone can make mistakes, and you are no exception. But even if the other person is wrong, this does not mean that he is stupid and inferior. Our knowledge about a subject is formed on the basis of available information, and we obtain the maximum information largely by accident. A child born into the family of a rural priest and the son of a biology professor will receive different amounts of knowledge about a living organism, but the ignorance of the priest’s son will not be his fault. The same goes for wealth, fame and influence - they are the result not only of a person’s personal efforts, but also of the random coincidence of a number of circumstances.

Understanding randomness can help you overcome arrogance. After all, it makes no sense to be proud of what you got by pure chance: nationality, race, country or city of residence, level of education, parents, social status. If, knowing this, you still continue to fall into arrogance, then these are already signs of a serious mental illness, namely schizophrenia. Indeed, in this case, a person begins to believe that he is the favorite of God, fate, the entire universe, since he received all the best at birth. Thus, arrogance can give rise to religious fanaticism and other mental deviations.

Arrogance disguised as a victim

Sometimes arrogance takes a seemingly completely unusual and unrealistic form - sacrifice. Yes, sometimes playing “Mother Teresa” is nothing more than a belief in one’s own superiority. Such people try to reason with everyone, call for morality, set them on the right path, advise (when they are not asked for it), and express their opinion. And why all? Because they themselves always know everything better than anyone else.

Only the result is the same: irritation when their advice is ignored, manipulation (usually with the help of guilt), resentment for not being appreciated (insulted). So, an arrogant person, under the guise of virtue, cannot stand criticism and disagreement with his opinion, denial of help or advice. He imposes himself and tries to teach other people to live according to his canons. This is a hidden and more loyal form of arrogance, but no less destructive. Her motto: “Stupid, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing.” In essence, this is the same ignoring of the interests and needs of other people, elevating one’s opinion to a cult, denying the likelihood of one’s own mistakes.

Arrogance: good or bad

Let's dig deeper into the problem of arrogance: a person regularly proves to other people his importance and superiority, repeats this and tries to keep his mark. Accordingly, someone else’s opinion is important to him, which means he is vulnerable and unhappy: he cannot relax, has a hard time with failures, and cannot tolerate criticism. More often, arrogant people cope with this through denial (they don’t notice other people and criticism), but when the mechanism fails, the risk of depression and frustration increases (“I’m the best, how could this happen”). An arrogant person lives in a detached reality, his own world. This is not beneficial for socialization and personal development.

Arrogance is a trait of an immature personality, and accordingly it is a bad quality that needs to be gotten rid of. An adult personality knows that there is no limit to development. In addition, in any business there will be someone more successful and someone less successful, especially since you cannot be the best person in everything. And since you can’t be the best in everything, then you shouldn’t turn up your nose.

Our society functions on the basis that unique individuals complement each other, the more successful teach the less successful, rather than ridicule. Imagine this example: every teacher, having graduated and become one, begins to ridicule children and adults, calling them ignoramuses instead of teaching. Or doctors refuse to treat people of middle and low income, despising their standard of living. How long will such a society last? No.

Arrogance affects hostility, war, discrimination, aggression. At the personal level, arrogance can reach extreme forms and cause harm to health and life, for example, by proving to everyone that “he is not like everyone else, he is higher and more unique,” a person can work extremely hard, refuse sleep, forbid himself to express emotions and feelings, etc. Pride is a necessary and useful feeling, pride and arrogance are destructive personality traits.

What to do

So, how to get rid of arrogance:

Make a list of motives or highlight one, but persistent motive that will allow you to get rid of arrogance. In the future, always remind yourself of this goal. Without desire and motivation, you shouldn’t waste time on other tips.
Force yourself to communicate with people, learn and learn to understand other people's points of view.
Ask yourself if you are that good. Write down as many different types of activities and areas of work as possible, answer honestly whether you can successfully do at least something in each of them. For example, can you write a song, paint a picture, design an airplane, cure a tooth, build a house? I'm sure not. So it turns out that you are not the only and best person in the world?
You might be the best in the business. This may well be the case, and that’s great. But are you sure that right now a new, stronger and younger specialist is not aiming to take your place? There are no irreplaceable people, no doubt about it. In the modern world, replacements are quickly found, you need to keep up with the times, constantly improve yourself. For this, two aspects are important: criticality (reflection) and activity. Accordingly, you cannot become the best and stop; you need to constantly become the best version of yourself.
Learn to admit your mistakes. Pay attention to criticism and discuss the problem with your opponent. Force yourself to admit and apologize.
Stop focusing on yourself, pay attention to other people, their problems and interests. To do this, you will have to communicate with those who are “lower”. Who is it for you - decide for yourself. But remember that during communication, reproaches and neglect are not allowed. You must listen and try to understand the other person, see in him similarities and unique features as you.
Ask your friends to tell you about your shortcomings and strengths. Accept this portrait, make a correction plan. All people have weaknesses and shortcomings, learn to deal with them.
Map your life path and the benefits you have. For each stage, add people you meet along the way and who played a positive role in your development. Write down the people who brought negativity too: this negative experience made you exactly like this, successful and strong. Are you happy with yourself at the moment? If yes, then all the connections along the path of life were not in vain. All these people influenced you. Tell them thank you and stop being pretentious.
Play chess and checkers, board games, etc. Losses teach us humility, which means they get rid of arrogance.
Allow yourself to learn from others and share what you know. A frequent companion of arrogance is envy. Force yourself to do it, because there is no magic pill, there is motivation and willpower to get rid of arrogance.
Learn to be polite. Force yourself to say “thank you,” “please,” “I’m sorry,” and give compliments. In addition, every day write down five gratitudes addressed to someone in your environment, life, weather or day, to yourself (don’t get carried away and don’t go into devaluing yourself).
Praise, don't criticize. Arrogance runs deep, it is a way of thinking. You can change it only by starting to respect and recognize the dignity of other people. Practice every day looking for strengths in people and analyzing their success. You can consider someone from your environment or take random characters from books and films. As with kind words and compliments, praise (express your satisfaction) the person directly to their eyes.
Don't expect quick results. In each case, it will take your own period of time to get rid of arrogance, it all depends on desire and effort. Each time it will be easier and easier to say “you’re great”, “thank you”, “you did so great, teach me too”, “I understand you, but you also understand me”, “let’s think about what kind of compromise there could be” . One day you will not be able to act or think differently.

Adequate self-confidence, adequate self-esteem, healthy egoism and pride are necessary and useful properties that must be preserved. What is the main difference between a self-confident person and an arrogant person (these qualities are often confused)? A self-confident person always keeps promises, bears responsibility for his words and actions, admits mistakes, lives with benefit for himself and other people (responsiveness, goodwill, help, social and work activity). An arrogant person is strong in words, avoids responsibility and fulfilling promises, offends and humiliates others, and does not admit his mistakes.

Features of communication with narcissists

Dealing with narcissists is not an easy task. Arrogant individuals are good manipulators who are ready to get their way by any means. To avoid getting into trouble, when talking with narcissistic people, psychologists advise adhering to the following rules:

Setting personal boundaries is an important step when dealing with a snob. For example, if a narcissistic friend calls at an inconvenient time, there is no need to be afraid to refuse the conversation. You should communicate with an arrogant opponent of your own free will.
Since narcissists do not like to listen to criticism, comments addressed to them must be presented in doses. Psychologists recommend using the sandwich principle: first, a man or woman should give a compliment, then introduce constructive criticism into the conversation, and then again say a few words of praise.
Don't trust narcissists with personal information. Otherwise it will be used against the opponent.
People whose vanity and arrogance always come first do not know how to truly love. Under the narcissist's halo of care there is always a cold calculation. You should not accept favors or favors from an arrogant person.
There is no need to make excuses. The narcissist will try to make the other person doubt themselves. In psychology, gaslighting is a favorite tactic of arrogant people when communicating with others. By all means possible, you should not allow yourself to be confused.
The narcissist begins to show aggression in order to receive a portion of reciprocal emotions. You shouldn't behave provocatively. Ignoring is the best defense.

When dealing with a vain person, you need to remain calm. Yoga or meditation will help you practice endurance.

Afterword

Arrogance may be a manifestation of “star disease,” which is more often contracted after real achievements and victories or against the background of outstanding abilities. However, this forgets that every person is unique, everyone is capable of becoming a talented musician, actor, athlete or rich man. In addition, it is important to remember and understand how many people contributed to the success of one person. For example, was it only the actor himself who made a career for himself? Or did those who taught him at school, clubs and university, supported and helped, and, in the end, love and appreciate his work, also participate in this?

In society, all people interact from birth. Electricity in the house is the result of the work of many ordinary workers, and some arrogant person uses it and repeats how much he despises these workers. You may not like or respect specific people for specific actions, but you cannot exalt yourself above all of humanity.

“I realized that one person has the right to look down on another only when he helps him up.” - Gabriel García Márquez, Colombian writer, journalist and political activist.

Are there any benefits to being arrogant?

Arrogance has small advantages. Arrogant people are able to analyze their “I” and the successes they have achieved. Some individuals are able to give a correct assessment of their strengths and qualities. Others prefer to brag and present their achievements, which can hardly be called serious. Arrogant people are afraid to demonstrate weakness; they prefer to use arrogance and assertiveness as a mask to cover up their complexes and shortcomings, which can sometimes help in achieving their goals.

However, arrogance has many more disadvantages.