Author: Anton Potashev
The relationship between two people is work and the desire of these people to be together. But sometimes it seems that the partner has cooled down and would gladly interrupt communication. Most often, the weaker half experiences this feeling, since girls are more emotional and suspicious. Then they begin to be tormented by the question: how to understand that a man does not need you? After all, few people want to be a burden.
What indicates indifference
As a psychologist, I distinguish several aspects that clearly indicate that the chosen one is not serious. This includes many signs manifested in the partner’s behavior:
- The companion does not take into account the girl’s wishes regarding places to hang out. He makes dates himself, and in the remaining time he makes excuses for his busy schedule or does not answer calls. No matter how much he has to do, he will find a moment to chat or meet with his loved one.
- He prefers to see each other on neutral territory and only late in the evening or at night. Usually gentlemen allow themselves to behave this way with their mistresses.
- He does not want to introduce the woman to his family and friends. He says practically nothing about himself, and does not strive to enter the social circle of his chosen one.
- He often expresses dissatisfaction about his passion: her behavior, appearance or hobbies. But at the same time he does not part with her. As a rule, he seeks to hit the lady’s self-esteem.
- He may be the first to start a quarrel, and then disappear so that the girl feels guilty.
Another way to understand that a man or guy doesn’t need you is to listen to his speech. All compliments and pleasantries seem terribly vulgar and unnatural. If he doesn’t take it seriously, then he doesn’t consider it necessary to waste energy on such things. Moreover, he may use insults and profanity.
What advice and recommendations can you give if your husband treats you with disrespect?
Honestly and with all my heart, I advise you to leave such a man. If you feel that disrespect is ossified, ingrained in his flesh, that he will not be different - leave!
Take your children and run, take care of your children, so that they grow up in a normal emotional atmosphere, so that they do not grow up with severe psychological trauma.
If a girl is brought up in a family where her mother is constantly disrespected, then she will believe that this is how it should be. That it’s a woman’s lot to endure humiliation and suffer. Do you want such a fate for your daughter? I think not.
Boys completely adopt the behavior of their father and bring the same principles to their family. They, just like their father, will abuse their women. Do you want your son to grow up to be a moral monster? I'm sure you don't want this for your son.
There is a stupid opinion in our society that children must have a father. I'm sorry, but did someone ask the children what they want and how they want it?
You should always remember that your husband is an adult, and this means that he soberly evaluates everything that happens and understands what he is doing? And if he doesn’t understand, doesn’t realize, then why live with an imbecile?
Imagine for a moment that you are transported 10 years into your future...
What did you see there?
Most likely, in 10 years, nothing will change, your husband treats you the same way, the children have grown up, and you are left alone with a tyrant who takes pleasure in mocking you.
And you think with sadness that you should have left him 10 years ago... and you realize with bitterness that time is running out, and life has passed you by, and you were in emotional slavery...
Maybe it’s time now to free yourself from disrespect, from insults and humiliation of your dignity?
Yes... scary... really scary to take responsibility for your life, completely and unconditionally.
But if you decide, you will definitely find a solution to all the problems that arise when you decide to leave your husband.
And in conclusion, I would like to draw your attention to one point... Perhaps, after reading all of the above, you have not found these signs in your relationship, but you still feel that your husband does not respect you.
You probably have high expectations and demands of how a man should treat a woman.
I’ll decipher my thought..., for example, are you sure that when a woman enters a room, a man must stand up if he is sitting and greet.
Or, a man must definitely open the door for you, or hand you outerwear, or pull out a chair in a restaurant.
A man should entertain you if you are sad.
Such actions towards a woman speak of education, not disrespect. And these are two big differences.
If your husband is from a simple family, then it is quite possible that he simply was not instilled with the rules of good manners in relations with a woman. And if he also read few books, then he had no way to know how to communicate with a woman?
I’ll end here, and I hope that you received a detailed answer - why does a husband not respect his wife?
And finally, I would like to give a little advice - as soon as you understand your own uniqueness, self-worth, two things will happen:
1 thing - your husband will change his attitude towards you.
2nd thing - you realize your worth, and if everything is bad, then without a twinge of conscience, leave this man.
Be loved and happy!
Sincerely, family psychologist Natalia Gnezdilova.
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Factors of interest
A partner changes if he really has feelings. This is indicated by the following aspects:
- He listens to her opinion. Often we don't notice that a person really appreciates us. Even taking our opinion into account already says a lot. Especially if he doesn’t agree with him, but still does what the chosen one asks.
- Compliments. He often focuses on how gentle, beautiful, and talented the person is. These are not easy words, he notices every detail in her.
- Tenderness and care are a clear sign of his sympathy. And if he cannot live even a day without your loving gaze, then he needs you. Lovers devote a lot of time to their companions and completely forget about the clock.
- Present. Even if it’s one present in six months, you shouldn’t be upset by this fact. Every surprise is valuable, and women must understand this.
How to understand if a man needs you
If the gentleman is in love, then the companion will feel it, and the need to ask such questions will automatically disappear. Your beloved will not feel a lack of care and affection, and a busy schedule will not become an obstacle to spending the evening together.
Moreover, the companion will not dare to be secretive. In the very first week, he will introduce his chosen one to his close circle of friends, talk about himself and his interests. In addition, several other signs indicate the current location:
- He's trying to become better. For example, I was able to overcome negative habits, got a better-paid job, and bought a car.
- He notices every little thing and the slightest change in his beloved, and gallantry and politeness are felt in his behavior.
- Falling in love provokes jealousy in a guy. But he will not make a scene or start quarrels. When his companion communicates with other young people, he will simply hug her, letting everyone know that she is in a relationship.
There is an opinion that guys need time to sort out their feelings and realize whether they love a girl. And this is used as an excuse for his indifference. However, it is almost impossible to hide sincere sympathy, so the lady will understand how her boyfriend is feeling. Many people strive for stability and starting a family. But if the partner does not want to accept this, then there is no point in continuing such an affair.
Psychologist Daria Milai
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How to check if a guy loves you - Top 4 signs
We figured out that men and women perceive love differently and each expresses their feelings in their own way. Now I’ll tell you 4 signs that indicate a guy’s genuine love (let’s take a situation where you’re already dating)
Sign #1 - It demonstrates that you are a couple.
When you come somewhere together, the guy will definitely let everyone know that you are his girlfriend. This is done for several reasons:
- He demonstrates to other men that the girl is busy and she belongs to him;
- When a guy loves, he is always proud of his girlfriend. This means he will have a desire to demonstrate to others what a cool female is next to him;
But there is one important question: “What exactly is a guy proud of about his girlfriend?” If these are purely external data, then perhaps he is simply showing off in front of his friends in order to increase his status in their eyes. And in a girl he sees only a sexual object.
If a man is proud and demonstrates your talents, tells his friends about your achievements, then this already indicates strong interest.
In the case when a guy is embarrassed to tell others that you are together, hides you from his friends or family, then there is no need to talk about love.
Sign #2 - He is jealous of you
Important! He is not jealous of you every minute and does not check your correspondence - this is not love, but a sign of psychological deviation. A guy in love gets jealous when other men start flirting with you.
If you want to test his feelings, then create conditions in which he can be jealous of you and look at his reaction. But it is very important to do this subtly. The guy should not think that you are the initiator of flirting. In his mind, it should look like they are starting to approach you, but you don’t want that. You should look like a victim in this situation, and not like a provocateur.
Sign #3 - Solves your problems
We have already found out that a man in love perceives a woman as a part of himself. From this we conclude that in the eyes of a man in love, your problems are his problems! He'll hurt himself, but he'll help you. And it doesn’t matter what kind of problem it solves, be it large-scale or small. Everything is fine with him, he will solve any of your problems.
If a guy perceives a girl only as a sexual partner, then he will not want to solve her problems. He does not perceive the girl as part of himself. Therefore, you will not get help from such a guy.
Remember! You can’t ask a guy to solve your problems directly, be more cunning. Just mention them in conversation. If he is truly in love, he will not let this information pass his ears.
Sign #4 - Protects
The situation here is exactly the same as with sign No. 3. A threat to you is a threat to him. If someone behaves rudely to you, offends you or acts unfairly, then a guy in love will react to this. And it doesn’t matter how brave or physically strong he is. In a situation where the woman you love is attacked, all these factors fade into the background.
Read on the same topic: How to understand that a guy likes you, but he doesn’t show it (Opens in a new tab)
Let's sum up the intermediate results: 1) Men and women love differently. Most men are not inclined to express their feelings the way the female sex does; 2) A man perceives his beloved as a part of himself. And it will protect it from external threats; 3) Never demand anything. A loving man will do everything himself. If you demand something from him, you will be perceived as a foreign object that needs to be attacked;
Does love exist at a distance
In this case, it all depends on the situation. If you met on vacation in another country or in an entertainment venue, then the likelihood of creating a long-term and serious relationship is low.
However, a couple can meet at a distance due to study or military service. If a man needs you, then messages and calls from him will come often. He will tell you how your day went and take an interest in your affairs. He will definitely find at least a minute for you and will definitely not resort to excuses and false promises.
A woman should watch who initiates communication more often. If he rarely texts or calls first, then this is not a very good sign. Perhaps her life does not interest him.
It SEEMS to me that he doesn’t love me - fact No. 1
If a girl says that “I’m not sure he loves me,” then most likely she does.
Why did I classify this as facts? Because we are creatures who read information not only in words.
According to psychological research, only 7% of information is transmitted in words. We receive the remaining 93% through non-verbal communication. These are facial expressions, gestures, various signs from a person, postures, energy.
Therefore, no matter what a man tells you, you perfectly read his real attitude towards you. Especially considering that many girls have an increased level of mental sensitivity and empathy (the ability to feel another).
In addition to the fact that we read a person’s feelings through non-verbal communication, there are also obvious signs by which you can definitely understand that a man does not love you. His behavior, his actions are also facts that, despite your desire for him to love you, speak for themselves.
And looking at these facts, one day you say, “I don’t believe he loves me.” What are these signs? —
Checking feelings
If you have doubts about your lover’s sincerity, it is enough to check how he feels. A few tips will help with this:
- Stop showing interest in his affairs. Conversations about where and with whom the guy was, what he was doing, should be reduced to “no”. A gentleman in love will definitely not ignore the changes and will begin to ask why they happened.
- Make you jealous. It is enough to ask a colleague for a ride home after work, and during the conversation, gently hint about it, but without details. Calls and messages on your phone can also trigger this feeling.
- Change. A new hairstyle, shoes or outfit will make a gentleman wonder who his girlfriend got a makeover for.
At the same time, you should not fight for a connection that is too far from ideal. Why waste your energy and youth on this when you can find a truly loving and caring man.
“WHAT TO DO if he doesn’t love me” is a more important question
“No need, I love him.” What to do?
The most correct thing to do is to quit - knocking on a door that is closed to you.
For what? Waste your time, strength, youth and energy on someone who doesn’t need you. Go where you are loved. There are always people who like us and who are happy to communicate with us. They love us.
Women often tell me, “Yes, there is a fan. But, ugh, I don’t like him.” But this scoundrel who doesn’t need it - I love him.
This is the situation we always observe in the case of a destructive attachment scenario.
This attachment scenario is formed in childhood with close people - mom, dad, siblings (siblings are siblings).
For a variety of reasons, it is written in your (unconscious!) script: you need to love someone who doesn’t love you (or loves you poorly). That is, in childhood, for you, love was glued to suffering.
It could be anything: traumatic situations of rejection, abandonment, rejection, trauma of invisibility, toxicity in family relationships, mental (or physical) abuse, and so on.
But, whatever it is, the result is this: A loved one is the one who hurts me.
If this program is written in your unconscious, then it is in this case that those who love - “ugh”. Oh, give me this “I feel bad, he doesn’t love me - I’ll take it.” Exactly what is needed".
How to understand and check whether a guy needs you after a breakup
There are girls who cannot get out of their heads the obsessive thought of getting back together with their ex. But before you get down to business, you need to be able to determine how he feels about you now. Methods include:
- If he sends SMS or calls, it means that he values you as a pleasant interlocutor. When he gets in touch more than once a week, he definitely needs your company.
- Sports activities. After breaking up, representatives of the stronger sex begin to lead an active lifestyle. The method helps them cope with emotional shock.
- After a breakup, men try to cut off all contacts. And this is a clear method of understanding that your husband or boyfriend doesn’t need you. However, if he continues to see you and insists on friendship, then the feelings remain.
But before you decide to resume your relationship, first remember the reasons for the separation. Mental wounds inflicted during the period when you were together will not heal quickly. And even if the guy is ready to try again, this does not mean that the attempt will be successful.
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Well, he doesn't love me!
“….Well, he doesn’t love you! – with these words, his new girlfriend slammed the door in my face. He would never say that himself. For several months this girl was listed as just a “friend with whom you can talk, discuss hockey, she was also into hockey.” And then one day I came to his house. She came without warning, because something was really aching in her heart. She called and rang the doorbell. The light is on, the car is parked near the entrance. So, home. Oh, the door doesn't open. And only after I text-bombed him, he replied that he was not alone. And, she opened. To say that he doesn’t love me..."
Realizing and believing that you are not loved and you are not needed is very difficult, sometimes impossible.
Your own psychic PROJECTION is triggered. Projection is a phenomenon in psychology when you assign to another person what you feel for him. If you love, then it seems to you that you should be loved in return.
And then all that remains is to face the facts. Because facts are an inexorable thing. We can fantasize about anything. But the facts will tell the whole truth.
Characteristics of the zodiac signs
You can find out about sincerity by referring to the horoscope. Each of its representatives has its own characteristics and shows affection in its own way.
Aries
Men can hardly be called patient. They want everything and indicate it openly. But even despite their persistence, you should not believe in their love. They can express similar emotions to many. Serious intentions are evidenced by the fact that they suddenly stop rushing things and try to create comfort.
Taurus
If he likes a woman, she will know about it immediately. He will often contact her and conquer her with courtship methods. He will begin to invite her to various events and give her gifts. But his uncertainty can make the candy-bouquet stage too long.
Twins
Guys love to flirt, they inventively court the ladies, and their chosen ones will not get bored. However, gentlemen tend to idealize their companion. Therefore, after a while, they may become disappointed in her and go in search of another.
Cancer
This is a homebody who puts family and its values above all else. First, he will find out how the girl feels about women’s responsibilities around the house, and only then he will invite her to date. With real feelings, he will fulfill all the wishes of his beloved. But her loyalty and devotion are important to him.
a lion
He is characterized by ambition and straightforwardness. He immediately points out his location. And during the period of courtship, he takes his companion to restaurants and intrigues with his noble behavior. But women should not immediately think about their partner’s sincere love. You can understand that a man of this zodiac sign does not need you when he starts talking about his advantages and successes, without being interested in your life.
Virgo
You can safely trust these gentlemen. They love to analyze situations and give wise advice. But they are not used to being frank and show a predisposition to hint.
Scales
Guys are not prone to conflicts, are positive, but do not rush things with their chosen one. The reason for this is the fear of taking a responsible step.
Scorpion
Gentlemen have a characteristic charisma and charm and thereby attract the opposite sex. They are able to give their companion a lot of tenderness and care, they love to say pleasantries, but this does not mean the sincerity of their intentions.
Sagittarius
They express affection with gifts and courtship, but at the same time value their own independence. The girl must prepare for adventures and all kinds of adventures. After all, they are so attractive. But with sincerity and seriousness, the guy tries to devote all his free time to his beloved.
Capricorn
Distinguished by distrust. He is prone to double-checking and falls in love rather difficultly, as he is afraid to show emotions. It is important for such men to realize that they can completely trust a woman. And when this happens, they will begin to consult with her and make other signs of attention.
Aquarius
They are charismatic and love to express their affection out loud rather than through actions. It’s easier for a guy to infiltrate first his friends and then his lover.
Fish
They are distinguished by sensuality and emotionality. In relationships there are emotional quarrels and no less passionate truces. At the same time, they are too touchy. Therefore, if there are no feelings, they leave the partner. And it is unlikely that they will be returned.
He doesn't ask you out
Women's excuses: he does not dare to take the first step, he does not want to rush things, he does not want to destroy our friendship and is generally afraid.
A man's truth: the only thing he's afraid of is admitting that he's not attracted to you at all. If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he doesn't want to rush things, he'll tell you immediately. And yes, the date you invited him to doesn’t count. If a woman is interested in a man, he will take all the troubles upon himself. It sounds a little old-fashioned, but when a man likes a woman, he asks her out.
Factors of consumer attitude
Girls wonder why others have better relationships, what their advantage is. It's all about choosing the man next to you. Unfortunately, today we often encounter a similar variety. You can recognize it by the behavior of the chosen one.
He will not pay attention to a woman’s appearance, her interests and affairs. He makes his own decisions about meetings and when and how much time to devote to them. He sees in his companion someone who will fulfill all his whims. And you need to get rid of such contacts.
In my personal consultation, I will help you make your life brighter, raise your self-esteem, and also love yourself.
SIGNS that a man doesn’t love – Fact No. 2
1.He said he doesn't love me
A man might say this for two reasons.
First , he told the truth so that you would leave him behind and understand everything.
The second is that he manipulates you in this way, trying to break your will, bend you, subjugate you psychologically. That is, in the second case, in such a cruel way he tricks you into the behavior he needs.
Now, be careful. A loving man will never do either the first or the second. After all, “horseradish is not sweeter than radishes.” It makes no difference whether he told you that he doesn’t love you or whether he is harshly manipulating you. Because he doesn’t love – in both cases!
Behavior of a married man
In a situation where you like someone who is already busy, his manners will be somewhat different, because he is limited in his actions. Reasons that he cares about you:
Ask a question
- he will take into account your schedule and adapt to the schedule;
- he will not make false promises that he will soon divorce and remain honest;
- even if he is a busy person, he will find a minute to please his partner with gifts and attention.
But such relationships are quite complex. After all, there is no guarantee that he will choose his beloved girl and not his family.
Why a husband does not respect his wife, reasons:
That's how he was brought up.
If in the parental family the father was a tyrant and treated his mother rudely, then the child absorbed from childhood that this is how it should be. Many families have a disrespectful attitude towards women, but not all men become cattle when they grow up.
Why is this happening? No one can answer this question; much depends on what is inherent inside the child by nature. Some become an excellent family man and respect and appreciate their woman, while others completely copy the attitude of their father towards their mother.
Is it possible to somehow change the behavior of an adult man, is it possible to somehow teach him, or even teach him a lesson?
There is an unwritten rule - if a person doesn’t want to, you can’t force him. After all, such a man does not see any problem at all in his relationship with his wife. Everything is normal for him, as it should be. And he doesn’t even understand that he’s mocking a woman.
Rough disrespectful behavior, rudeness, is absorbed with mother's milk, and such men have specific views and beliefs about women, for example,
- A chicken is not a bird, a woman is not a person.
- All women are fools.
- It's a woman's job to cook food and wash the floors.
Why, one wonders, a woman from the very beginning of a relationship cannot discern such a tyrant, a misogynist?
Because he's pretending... maybe he doesn't even know what he'll be like in a relationship yet. After all, he didn’t have his own family, he had nowhere to show these negative qualities.
Complexes and low self-esteem.
One of the reasons when a husband does not respect his wife is complexes and low self-esteem.
When one person humiliates and insults another person, then at such a moment he feels on top, feels superior. And this state of affairs speaks of major internal psychological problems.
He wants to feel confident, to feel self-sufficient, but the complexes that arose in childhood or adolescence do not provide this opportunity.
Complexes can be very different - he does not feel courageous, sexy, does not feel his authority, he has fears, etc.
Unfortunately, with equal or strong personalities, such men do not show their inclinations towards rudeness, because, by and large, they are cowards. But with a woman who is weaker physically and sometimes emotionally, they literally “bloom.”
And after all, they move towards such destructive behavior in small steps, they said something, did something - they assessed it, what was the reaction?
Is it possible to continue to do this? Did you have a ride? She “ate”, remained silent, did not answer, which means that she can continue to slowly become impudent and trample on the dignity of a woman.
I am sure that if you have such a man, then he clearly knows with whom and how he can behave? In such cases, it cannot be said that he acts unconsciously, because he does not understand what he is doing.
He understands everything perfectly and does his dirty work completely consciously.
Can a woman somehow influence and change such a man?
In my opinion, it is unlikely. A change in relationships can only happen if a man decides to undergo a serious internal restructuring, a change in his perception. It is very difficult for such men to accept help, because he will understand how imperfect he is.
Psychological trauma.
One of the reasons why a husband does not respect his wife is psychological trauma.
When we talk about psychological trauma, we mean that there was a traumatic event that changed his worldview, sense of himself, and attitude towards people. Trauma can occur at any age. Of course, most often, childhood trauma has a huge impact on character and attitude towards oneself and the world.
Bad attitude, cruelty, lack of love and attention in childhood, all this creates a “shell” in relation to other people. During falling in love, when a man receives a lot of love and recognition, then love “melts” this “ice fortress”. But the views and character traits acquired earlier, over time, take over.
In my practice, there have been many cases where men who passed through hot spots received serious psychological trauma. Any war, participation in hostilities breaks the human psyche.
Unfortunately, it is not customary in our country for men to undergo rehabilitation after hot spots, no matter how seriously their psyche was damaged.
Such men show disrespect for women at times, often this happens during moments of alcoholic intoxication, when all the brakes are released and internal demons come to light.
Two of my friends, their husbands, went through hot spots and neither of them went through rehabilitation or ever visited a psychologist, although such a service can be obtained completely free of charge.
What was going on in their families?
When sober, they are white and fluffy, I love it, I’ll buy a tram, but if a drop of alcohol gets into my mouth, then all hell breaks loose.
Thank God that both friends were able to realize what was happening and ran away in time.
