The victim complex: what is it and how to get out of the role in the Karpman triangle?

Today, in science, society, and people’s consciousness, the phenomenon of “victim” remains diverse, debatable and ambiguous.
While remaining multidimensional, it includes the concepts of “role”, “complex”, “position”, “victim attitude”... The purpose of the article is to address important practical issues, such as:

Who is the victim?
How is she behaving?
What to do if she is next to you?
What to do if you suddenly recognize it in yourself?

In common understanding, a victim is a person who has suffered, suffered material or moral losses and needs help. Thanks to this understanding, a person who feels, behaves and is perceived by others as a victim receives special treatment from others. Having received help and the desired attitude, a person thereby satisfies his needs and derives a kind of benefit from this: in the form of material or moral (the attention of loved ones, getting rid of undesirable activities) benefits.

A considerable number of studies have confirmed that accepting the role of a victim occurs not only as a result of external traumatic events (wars, disasters, violence) and the attitude of others towards those who experienced it. Accepting the role of a victim can occur voluntarily in connection with existing personal psychological attitudes (“I don’t deserve better”), life position (“I’m not ok, you’re ok” or “I’m not ok” and “You’re not ok”) and personal characteristics (locus of control, level of self-esteem).

State Description

What is a victim in psychology? The science of victim psychology is called victimology.

The discipline is aimed at studying becoming a victim of a crime , in particular, at studying real victims as carriers of the ability to become a victim.

The victim state in psychology is a person’s position in which he blames others for his failures and troubles, and looks for those to blame for his troubles. Sometimes the victim deliberately takes on responsibility in order to unwittingly become a victim of circumstances.

Victimology

Victimology (lat. victima - victim, lat. logos - teaching) is a section of criminology, the study of the victim of a crime, the science of victims who have the individual or group ability to become victims of a criminal act.

Who is attacked more often by dogs and rapists? This question will probably surprise many. Is it possible to compare the reflex behavior of animals, who do not know good and evil, and the psychology of a criminal who deliberately causes suffering to other people? Of course, the difference is very big. Although one should not overestimate the intellectual potential of a criminal. Noble, sensitive bandits are often found in books and films, but almost never in real life. The overwhelming majority of rapists and murderers are rather undeveloped people, deprived in some way, suffering from many complexes, extremely unbalanced, evil and immoral. Therefore, comparing them with dogs that have broken loose is not too much of an exaggeration. However, this is not about them, but about their victims.

Misbehavior when in danger

It has been noticed that children often, even too often, suffer from both evil dogs and unkind people. Why? Largely because they themselves behave incorrectly. Having become accustomed to parental love and fairly smooth relationships with peers (conflicts between children proceed “gently” and literally almost painlessly), a small child is not able to react correctly to potential danger. Many children do not know how to handle dogs: they make gestures that the animal considers provocative, sometimes they themselves cause pain and discomfort to the dog, or even simply tease them. When an angry dog lunges at a child, the child most often tries to run away, thereby spurring the animal’s ancient instinct of pursuit. In communicating with an unfamiliar “good uncle”, the child also naively does not see any danger and therefore risks falling for some kind of bait and becoming a victim of a pervert. Education, in particular, consists of instilling in a child reasonable caution to protect against harm. Why does this insurance sometimes not work even for adults and experienced people? After all, accidents happen not only to children. Many of us know that, generally speaking, it is dangerous to tease dogs, but nevertheless we unwittingly continue to do it, thereby dooming ourselves to the role of the victim. Therefore, it is so important to understand the peculiarities of your behavior and break the yoke of doom if for some reason it darkens your life.

Character of the victim

Criminologists and psychologists have long drawn attention to the fact that many people who have suffered from violence share some common characteristics of character and behavior. The study of these features led to the creation of victimology - the science of the psychology of a potential victim. It was found that there is a category of people who are particularly vulnerable to violent attacks. The likelihood of suffering at the hands of criminals for such people is much higher than for all others. Discussions about evil fate are completely inappropriate here. As a rule, a person signs a serious sentence for himself, and only he himself is free to appeal and cancel this sentence.

Within the general and rather heterogeneous category of potential victims, two main types can be distinguished.

First type of victim

The first category includes people who are mentally weak, timid, and prone to exaggerated fears and anxiety. It’s not without reason that they say: when you expect trouble, it definitely comes. Faced with danger, these people perceive it as a fatal inevitability. They are terrified that their worst premonitions are coming true. This is a kind of psychological readiness for violence, which, however, does not give rise to resistance or attempts to somehow get out of the situation, but panic or shock, which makes the victim completely defenseless. The foundations of such a worldview are laid in childhood, and the family atmosphere plays the main role here. Potential victims are, as a rule, children of domineering and strict parents who profess the principles of authoritarian upbringing. From an early age, a person gets used to the fact that his fate depends entirely on someone stronger, who is free to caress or, conversely, cause suffering. Having gotten used to the idea that nothing depends on him, a person continues to wait all his life to see how others will dispose of his fate. With joyful excitement he awaits blessings and affection, with horror - humiliation and pain.

Therefore, it is so important to instill in a person self-confidence and self-esteem from a young age. One of the main pedagogical rules: as a child grows up, it is necessary to trust him to independently carry such a load as he is capable of lifting. A person should know that the solution to most of his life problems primarily depends on himself, and not on someone else’s arbitrariness.

Second type of victim

The provocative behavior of the victim is most often the result of ignorance of basic psychological laws. A person naively believes that others interpret his actions with the same meaning as he does. For example, it is known that women are more prone to eye contact than men. At the same time, their gaze usually means only very moderate interest, but the perverted mind of the rapist can evaluate such a gaze as a sexual appeal.

In general, it is very important not to make eye contact with a suspicious subject showing aggressive intentions. This simple recommendation was given by a great expert in animal psychology, Konrad Lorenz. In his book “The Ring of King Solomon,” he wrote that when meeting an unfamiliar dog, you should never look closely into its eyes. The animal perceives such a look as a challenge and often rushes to react aggressively. A criminal, overwhelmed by primitive instincts, is in some ways similar to an animal. So it is better not to tease either a four-legged or a two-legged animal in this way.

Finally, the most provocative step is the appearance of the victim in a place suitable for committing a crime. Every criminal is a coward by nature and will not commit violence in public. He chooses the opportunity to attack his victim where and when no one can protect him or even witness the crime. Sigmund Freud also drew attention to the strange habit of one of his patients walking in vacant lots. It turned out that the lady was both afraid of intimacy and longing for it. Therefore, she was unconsciously drawn to a place where this intimacy could take the form of an event completely beyond her control - rape. All that remains is to wish all lovely ladies not to be like Dr. Freud’s cantankerous patient.

Causes and Effects

The victim perceives the surrounding reality as an alien, aggressive world that wants to offend him.

This line of behavior is most often born from negative childhood events, memories of which haunt a person throughout his life.

There may be several reasons for this behavior:

Lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem, as a rule, uncertainty is born in childhood or adolescence due to a lack of parental love and care or bullying from older people, peers.
Dependence on the opinions of others , such a person tries to please everyone, adapting to the judgments of the people around him.
The fear of standing out from the crowd , of being different from others, this fear also “comes” from childhood, when the child tried to be as inconspicuous as possible for fear of being bullied.
Fear of failure , fear of being rejected.

As a result of these reasons, a person tries to find the cause of his troubles and suffering outside of his personality, looking for someone to blame.

Unsure of his abilities, he unconsciously tries to evoke self-pity , as if saying to life and those around him, “hit me,” “humiliate me,” “hurt me.”

Such a person acts only as he is told, being confident in the strength and intelligence of the people around him. He considers himself flawed and incapable of making the right decisions.

About the causes and consequences of victim syndrome in this video:

Helplessness

A person is constantly in this state. The eternal victim is characterized by the opinion that nothing in life depends on her, she cannot solve problems on her own. Psychologist M. Seligman defined the concept of learned helplessness. The acquisition of such a state occurs at the time of events that a person is not able to independently influence. The victim believes that she is not able to correct events, that everything that happens to her is an accident or a trick. His life does not depend on him. Moreover, a person can receive such a state into his “treasury of feelings” from others. If the society he is surrounded by has the same views, the victim easily succumbs to them. Encouragement is a negative way to get out of the victim state; the victim stops competing and loses initiative.

Types and types

Victims are divided into the following types according to their characteristics:

infantiles , such people are spoiled by the affection and care of their parents and are confident in their irresistibility. They are not completely unprepared for real life and the cruelty of some people,
risky, bright personalities , such people seek adrenaline and are ready to do anything to achieve their goal. Cruelty and violence are perceived by such people as a game, an opportunity to get a thrill,
“white and fluffy”, outwardly positive people, endowed with themselves, seek dependence on another person, economic, physical, emotional. Such people themselves are looking for an “owner” who could control them,
successful and independent people , accustomed to fight and go to the end. They are ready to sacrifice even themselves to achieve an illusory goal and will stop at nothing. As a rule, such people do not know the measures in any area of life.

How to become a confident man? Find out about this from our article.

Stages of changing the victim's consciousness

The way out of the victim state is divided into several stages:

Recognizing the problem and awareness of those moments in life that lead to unpleasant situations. This is the most difficult point, since a person who is accustomed to feeling like a victim becomes so accustomed to this state that it is not possible for him to behave in a radically different way. Victims of physical violence need to contact a psychologist whose work specializes in such patients. First of all, they need to survive the tragedy, and in this case it is not possible to do this on their own.
Give up the habit of complaining. For many of our fellow citizens, this condition is permanent and is considered normal. Complaints about the government, bosses, doctors, store clerks, neighbors and relatives - all this is considered the norm of everyday life. And this is a huge mistake that has a detrimental effect on the subconscious. If grievances are stuck in the head, but a person understands that he needs to get rid of them immediately, then the help of a psychologist will help to cope with the situation. The rest need to give up the state of helplessness, take their lives into their own hands and deal with problems if they exist. And if not, do not take rudeness and rudeness personally, do not cling to the words and actions of strangers. A lot of vital energy is wasted on dissatisfaction and complaints. By stopping this bad habit, you will feel a surge of strength and will stop attracting situations that provoke criminals to act against you.
Love yourself. If a person exudes love, then the world around him reflects this feeling and returns much more to him in return. Your attitude towards yourself should be based on respect, because you, like no one else, know that you are worthy of emotional and physical care. Love yourself even when things are going badly and your mood is at zero. Respect your choice, even if it turned out to be wrong and brought failure. Accepting responsibility for one's own body and soul removes the stamp of sacrifice from a person. He stops demanding from other people what he himself is able to provide better and more fully.
Positive thinking. It attracts good events into life. Don't cling to troubles, learn to learn from them and move on with your life. A person filled with positive energy changes the energy space around him. For criminals, as people who are mostly destructive and feed on the negative emotions of others, pleasant and energetic opponents cause anxiety. Their gaze is not caught by self-sufficient and favorably disposed individuals.
Psychologist. First of all, a specialist is needed for those who have been subjected to any type of physical violence. Secondly, to those who have deep grievances towards relatives (usually parents). The influence of these grievances can be traced throughout life and a person may not even understand that the root of most problems is in relation to oneself.

Potential victim

A potential victim is a person who has properties and behavioral characteristics that increase the risk of committing a crime or violent action against him compared to other people.

Such a person, as it were, provokes the criminal to commit an act in his direction.

The psychology of the victim is manifested not only in real crimes, but also in everyday life. Often in family relationships a situation arises where the husband becomes a tyrant, and the wife becomes a victim . This can happen for several reasons:

the husband earns money and provides for the family, putting the woman in a dependent position on him. He works and gets tired, which means he has the right to everything,
a woman's lack of self-confidence makes her justify everything her husband says or does,
fear of taking responsibility for her life, the woman herself hands over the reins of her life to the man, resignedly to him, submitting and taking all mockery and insults for granted.

Story

The development of victimology began even before our era. In the myths of Ancient Greece there are references to Orestes. The parable tells the story of a father who sacrificed his daughter. As a result, he was killed by her mother, and she, in turn, was killed by her son. A similar scheme became the basis of justice of the ancient Greeks and was considered fair for that time. The thinker Anaximander (Ancient Greece, approximately 610-547 BC) wrote:

“And the innocent have something to repent of!”

Thus, the victim was held responsible for the actions of the offender. They were asked to evaluate their behavior and identify their own mistakes that prompted the criminal to act.

There is a saying in Buddhism: “He who does not carry evil within himself will not receive evil.” From here, a cause-and-effect relationship between the victim and the perpetrator is inferred. Criminology will subsequently consider the same thing.

With the development of culture, victimology acquires clearer postulates and beliefs. Science is developing and scientists' views on the psychological connection between victims of violent acts and their tormentors are changing. The path of development of victimology is also changing.

What's the benefit?

A woman has a victim complex, why is it beneficial to be a victim? A victim woman often feels sorry for herself and looks for the culprit of her sometimes invented problems . She often cries, complains about life, and tries to shift responsibility for her decisions onto other people's shoulders.

But for the woman herself, this position often seems beneficial; she receives attention, support, and help from the people around her.

Sometimes with such a defenseless appearance she hopes to attract a strong man .

A victim woman is allowed and forgiven a lot, because she, poor and unfortunate, suffered from an evil world.

The role of the victim relieves a woman of many obligations, and it becomes easier for the victim herself to achieve what she wants .

How to conduct auto-training for self-confidence? Read about it here.

Victim behavior

Victim behavior is a person’s tendency to find himself in situations that threaten his life and health.

By his behavior, the person seems to be provoking an attack, although he does not consciously want trouble.

For example, a male rapist will choose exactly the girl who behaves insecurely . Such a girl will silently freeze with fear and will helplessly resist and cry silently.

Also, on the contrary, behavior that is too defiant towards an aggressive person can be an example of victim behavior.

A criminal can be provoked by a close, defiant look into the eyes, or too impudent behavior. The criminal is like an animal, so this line of behavior can be perceived by him as a call to action.

Victim behavior as a danger of becoming a victim is a line of human behavior that directly provokes a criminal to commit a violent act.

This may be inappropriate, too noisy behavior of a person, his deliberate tendency to damage property or insult people, and so on.

In teenagers

Victimization in minors manifests itself very differently than in adults - adolescents can become victims of violence not only due to their personal characteristics, but also due to the general victimization of the social group in which they are located.

Adolescent victimization is influenced :

negativity and aggression from surrounding people, antisocial behavior of parents and teachers;
neutral emotions and balance, calmness;
supervision or neglect of a teenager;
psychological characteristics of the child;
sexual ignorance;
emotional discomfort, “withdrawal”;
uncertainty, isolation, fearfulness.

Often, children from dysfunctional families who are exposed to violence and attacks from others from childhood become victimized individuals.

Victimization can also be caused by a person’s desire to stand out and become popular among his peers.

What factors influence?

Factors influencing victim behavior:

ideological characteristics of a state or a specific locality;
historical era;
social or professional community;
individual human qualities, psychological characteristics;
prevalence of crime in the region.

There are also some qualities that negatively or positively influence victim behavior.

Qualities that reduce victimization include confidence, emotional and psychological maturity, and composure. Traits that increase victimization include caution, withdrawal, and helplessness.

How to get rid of suspiciousness? You will find useful recommendations on our website.

What is victimization? About the meaning of the word - victimization:

Tyrannical relationships

Such relationships are built on the implementation of the “tyrant-victim” model, where everything is aimed at fulfilling the desires of the tyrant . He imagines himself to be perfect, and the victim accepts these rules of the game.

Such relationships are characterized by violence of any kind - both physical and emotional.

As a rule, the “swing” technique - swearing and fights are combined with periods of calm and prosperity, tenderness alternates with rudeness and humiliation.

How to stop being a victim in a relationship?

How to get rid of the complex?

To get out of the victim syndrome, you need to follow several rules in life :

Don't imagine something that doesn't really exist.
Don't be offended or blame people for your problems.
Focus on what is, rather than what is missing or missing in life.
Understand that no one owes anyone anything.
Do not be afraid to take responsibility, try to cope with all difficulties on your own.
Don’t be afraid to defend your interests, fight for what you really want.

Why is the victim complex dangerous and how to get rid of it? Tips in this video:

What is Stockholm syndrome in the family?

If a situation arises in which one person has power over another, then the second person needs to somehow adapt to the situation in order to survive. This mechanism is archaic.

It was he who helped humanity as a whole survive. In addition, this is how some individual ethnic groups were able to survive during wars for resources. Stockholm syndrome is simple mimicry, an adaptive tool.

Any biological creature can adapt to the aggressive influence of the environment if it changes its characteristics and behavior.

The everyday syndrome of the victim of love in a couple is that the situation changes under the influence of the power of one person over the other .

Often this mechanism manifests itself in people who grew up in families in which parents had unlimited power over children and abused it.

The mechanism can also manifest itself in those people who have experienced violence. It manifests itself in all relationships that such people experience in the future. This applies to all relationships, friendly, family, work and others that a person may have.

Such a person may try to take power over his partner. If this fails, he will adapt to the partner’s requirements, at the same time, he will completely abandon all his needs and individuality.

Power in cases of this type of relationship can be manifested in one or more ways:

either you do what you're told or get lost,
I don’t care if you’re nearby, I’ll tolerate you exactly as long as it’s convenient for me and I don’t care about all your complaints,
no one loves you, no one needs you, I’m more interested in other people.

Submission usually means that the submissive partner always finds a way to consider the interests and needs of the dominant partner. Besides, there is always a way to justify violent actions.

Sometimes the victim completely denies the presence of violent behavior towards him; often such a person, in principle, has little understanding of what is happening, what his needs are . He is confused and does not understand what he wants and needs.

In a stable couple, both partners may have these skills and take power out of fear that the other partner will take it.

This can happen at a time when the submissive partner has accumulated a large amount of anger .

In some cases, this role reversal can occur over a long period, sometimes just a few minutes.

Karpman Berne triangle, how to get out?

According to K. Bern's theory, in the triangle of interhuman relations, each participant plays his own role, Victim , Aggressor (Persecutor) and Savior (Deliverer).

A person can try on different roles in this triangle, but the main thing does not change, each participant is happy with the current situation: the Aggressor is happy with his role as the ruler of fate, the Victim likes to suffer and receive everyone’s attention, and the Sufferer likes to feel like a “good” person and receive gratitude from Victims.

To get out of the role of the Victim, you need to realize your position and try not to repeat your past actions.

The victim needs to take responsibility for his feelings and actions, not ask outsiders for help , but try to get out of the current situation himself.

Often it becomes difficult for the Victim to realize what she really feels and what she wants to receive and feel.

What is Karpman's Triangle of Doom? Find out from the video:

The science

What is victimology? There are three main definitions of this science:

Auxiliary for criminology. It is studied during the course of criminal law and criminology.
Independent victimology, as a science about the psychological characteristics of victims. The subject of her study is not only the victim of a criminal offender. The study includes individuals suffering from psychological pressure at home or at work.
Victimology defines one of the branches of criminology and does not exist as a separate science.

What is victimization?

Victimization is a tendency, a certain predisposition of a certain person to become a victim of a crime, an act of violence.

Some experts argue that this tendency is directly dependent on the state of crime. In psychology, such potential victims of crime are called victimized individuals.

In contrast to the victim complex, victimism is considered a social, public concept rather than a personal one. Victimized individuals behave this way because of the socially imposed line of behavior.

How to get rid of fear? Find out the answer right now.

What is victim behavior called in criminal psychology?

Victimization is the name given to a person’s tendency to become a victim of a crime. This term has become widespread in Russian criminology. In the West, this term is practically not used.

In addition, in the West it is believed that the assumption of the very fact that the victim can provoke a crime is blaming the victim and is subject to sharp criticism.

You will find auto-training to calm the nervous system here.

Prevention of victimization

Preventive measures for victimized behavior include :

Formation of a respectful attitude towards one’s own personality, acceptance of oneself and one’s characteristics.
Getting rid of complexes and psychological blocks, getting rid of past grievances.
Forming a positive attitude towards life and the people around you.
Analysis of your desires, preferences, life goals.
Finding balance in communicating with people around you.

The main thing in the prevention of victimized behavior is awareness of the equal value of your own personality and the personalities of the people around you.

The purpose of knowledge

The concept and subject of victimology is characterized by the study of the influence of the psychological state of the victim on the attacker. The temperamental characteristics of the victim are called victimization. It turns out that a person initially has psychological properties, a predisposition to becoming a victim of crime. For example, victims of scammers tend to trust strangers, have poor understanding of life, are often greedy or low-income, and believe in omens.