Relationships between people: sources of happiness and causes of suffering, psychology of good relationships

Svetlana Smyshlyak

philologist, writer, lyric poet

What are the relationships? How different are their shapes from each other? What types of relationships can be classified as positive, neutral or negative and what is their essence? The features of these types allow you to see how diverse they can be, what consequences they entail, and what is at the center of their focus. The meaning of relationships, their forms and the main strategies of behavior in them are further in the article.

What is human relations

The interaction of people, limited within the framework of a community or society as a whole, is called human relations (HR). In psychology, this terminology is defined as the relationship that individuals enter into in the process of forming small groups and their association.

For your information! From a psychological point of view, an attitude is the relative arrangement of objects, taking into account their properties, and is considered as a result of the individual’s connection with the environment.

Psychologists are interested in the conditions under which an individual forms his relationships, which form part of his individuality. Sociologists pay special attention to how such established relationships function in the social sphere. They call this social behavior and relate social connections to various structures and situations in society.

Human relations

Relationships between people: sources of happiness and causes of suffering, psychology of good relationships

4 49507 December 17, 2011 at 01:54 Author of the publication: Lidia Goldobina, philosophy teacher, candidate of philosophical sciences

Relationships are the world we live in. From the very moment I open my eyes in the morning until the last moment when a thought leaves my consciousness and sleep sets in, I understand... no... I feel a constant connection with people. This connection - I-and-Other - pulsates in me with a thought, is torn from my heart by love, compressed by suffering or fear, addressed by a word, a look, a touch... They are loved ones, family and friends, distant and unfamiliar - in my thoughts, desires and actions . I am in this relationship from my first to my last breath. My existence is possible only in interaction with the Other.

The feeling of a neighbor - an Other... But who is he, this neighbor who... here he is, nearby, but for some reason so far from me? And who am I to him? What does he want from me? What does he think about me? What is his intention towards me?

We look at life, at other people and do not understand either them or ourselves... We read books and magazines on psychology, immerse ourselves in religions and esotericism... Suddenly, at some point, we begin to think that finally, after the twenty-first bookcase of books read and two years of wandering through coaches, we have unraveled the mystery of the human soul, well, or, at least, we are somewhere very close... And so until the next unsuccessful experience, followed by further disappointments, melancholy, hysterics, depression, suffering - and not a single psychologist we are unable to help.

Relationships in a couple, family, group, society... Is it possible to comprehend everything that is needed for ideal interaction with all the people we meet on the path of life? Psychology of friendships, psychology of work relationships, psychology of teenage relationships, psychology of virtual relationships, finally! We set them up, create them, hold them, are tormented by them and endure them, suffer, want to break them, suffer or enjoy them. And all because we want to rejoice and enjoy life. It's all very simple! Do I need too much? Just be happy and see other people happy! I want there to be meaning in life, I want to know why and what for, to understand the purpose and intent... Is this possible?!

The key is self-knowledge, understanding yourself, and therefore other people. How to build harmonious relationships with yourself, in a couple, family, group, society? How to unravel the wisdom of the psychology of emotional relationships? It’s simple - you need to understand and see a person, his desires, thoughts, intentions that lead to actions. It seems to us that all people are the same. Hence the misunderstanding, disappointed expectations, broken lives...

We are different: the collective and the individual - a vector of interaction

We are different in our sameness: system-vector psychology provides the only scientific system of measures in its obviousness and observability, which reveals the psyche of each person. Eight measures - eight vectors - eight characters. In mixtures they form a complete personality. Each character is determined by a group of desires that guide a person’s behavior in various situations.

In system-vector psychology this is possible - awareness of oneself and understanding of the Other. And this is the basis of mutual understanding and harmonious relationships. Systems thinking allows us to interact with people in the most complementary way, that is, understanding our own and their characteristics. System-vector psychology trainings are thinking trainings, when a person first begins to realize what he is thinking, and to see what thoughts and intentions control the behavior of another person...

The main source of pleasure and suffering is the Other. More precisely, it is the relationships we create with people and groups that, in turn, create us. Through trial and error, we learn to interact with people, gain communication experience - positive or negative. It is the experience of relationships that hangs anchors on us, leaves unhealed traces-wounds, deep traumas or, as we say, “complexes.” They grow in us through family dramas, the misfortune of our children, difficult experiences, negative life scenarios...

On the other hand, it is the experience of relationships, interaction with other people that helps us develop, be filled with a sense of the joy of life, and see the beauty of every moment in a range of thousands of colors and shades! It is in relationships that we realize ourselves, reveal our potential and find a state of life filled with meaning. We can say that the human in a person is formed in relationships: in separation and unity with the Other - near and far.

"I!"

The process of human development took place gradually, each of the vectors made its contribution to the development of humanity. The last stage was overcome by the sound measure. The sound man 6 thousand years ago first said: “I!” And this was a decisive step in the development from animal to human.

Then for the first time we felt our “I” and the “I” of another, separate from mine, opposed to me and limiting me. My neighbor... The first feeling of his neighbor is hostility. With this feeling we go out to meet the Other, fencing ourselves off from him.

And only over time, the visual vector - the visual measure that created culture and art - built emotions and feelings over animal desires and their fulfillment, “taught” all other vectors love and compassion...

And this is another revelation for the training participants - an understanding of the nature of love, its essence and roots. Philosophers, psychologists and even physiologists have ruffled many feathers and broken many hearts trying to unravel this phenomenon. With little success... System-vector psychology gives us a clear idea of ​​this.

Only one of the vectors is capable of experiencing love and giving this feeling to the fullest - this is the visual vector. The paradoxical connection between love and fear is revealed in a surprisingly clear and obvious way during the training. Fears and phobias are what torment visual people. During the training, they naturally leave, their place is taken by compassion, love, euphoria, as evidenced by numerous reviews.

At the same time, demanding love, for example, from an anal or skin person in its pure form is simply meaningless. Each of the vectors has its own set of values, which you need to know before “starting” a relationship. Thanks to system-vector psychology, you will immediately see that, for example, this person will love beautifully, he will be a good family man and father, and Vasya, what can you do, is capable of treason, and Petya... Petya is capable of sadism and violence.

And friendship!.. We mistakenly assume that everyone can be friends, just like love. And then we are surprised by betrayals, infidelity, and for this reason we become disappointed in people... Representatives of the anal vector are capable of creating friendship as a special, “brotherly” bond. For them, friendship is the highest value.

If we could immediately understand and clearly see the person with whom we communicate, we would be able to accurately determine whether we can be friends with him, whether we can expect love from him, or whether he is by nature destined for someone else. Such knowledge is provided by system-vector psychology.

We and society

Man is a collective being, and the psychology of interpersonal relationships in a team is a fundamental topic. A person finds his own purpose, his own meaning precisely in the society of his own kind: “Who am I? Why am I? If I am for myself, then why am I?” Our whole life is walking in groups...

The group as an entity is united by a certain common task. In a team, each person, from the time of the primitive pack to the present day, strives to fulfill his own role, unique in terms of tasks and requirements. The inability to fulfill it, to realize oneself, causes a person enormous suffering. The reason for this is, first of all, a lack of understanding of oneself and one’s purpose.

System-vector psychology gives an accurate idea of ​​what tasks a person is capable of performing in a group, in what profession or position he will be successful, in what he will bring the greatest benefit and success to his team. To the extent that a person realizes his talents and abilities in a team, he is internally balanced, calm, and therefore finds personal understanding with group members.

One of the most important factors in successful, prosperous group interaction is communication. If we could correctly understand another person, his desires, intentions, see his personal characteristics, capabilities and abilities, then we would not expect the impossible from him, as often happens, we would not demand from him what he is not capable of. . This means that we would experience less disappointment, suffer less from misunderstandings, and conflicts would disappear.

Each of the vectors has its own set of values, its own desires and lacks. The training “System-vector psychology” forms in a person a special “linguistic” sensitivity, which is based on what you can see through the speech of a person’s psyche and communicate in his language, based on his value system, his needs. This is how you learn to talk to people - you understand them, they understand you.

Also, adaptation in a group and in society as a whole depends on the development of human vectors - the more developed they are, the greater the opportunities for implementation. A realized person is the happiest, his abilities and properties work, and this means that his desires are filled to the maximum, he receives satisfaction from life, sees himself in his place, feels full of meaning in life.

The psychology of relationships is very simple! It is built on self-awareness and understanding of the Other, a sense of the psychic eight-dimensional whole. Then - through systemic thinking - harmony and beauty of relationships, love and mutual understanding are possible. Just imagine groups and societies where people understand each other, where everyone perceives themselves and everyone according to their own and their real inner nature. There are no prejudices, stereotypes, false expectations and misconceptions!

If only we could know... now

…

Proofreader: Natalya Konovalova

Author of the publication: Lidia Goldobina, teacher of philosophy, candidate of philosophical sciences
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”

The basis of interpersonal relationships and their importance

Methods for resolving conflicts - what options exist, ways to prevent them

The name of such connections speaks for itself; they are based on relationships between people. They occur as a result of verbal (speech and writing) and nonverbal (visual) contacts.

Proven! The percentage of human communication in society using language is 20, 80% of contact occurs at the non-verbal level.

Arguments for communication may include the following points:

• desire to cooperate for the common good;
• craving for a feeling of security and avoidance of loneliness;
• exchange of useful information.

Ukrainian practicing psychologist Natalya Kucherenko notes in her lectures that perception (understanding of other people) also promotes and encourages communication.

How understanding is born in dialogue: he and she

When starting a dialogue, a girl often encounters male misunderstanding. Men are pragmatic; they prefer to express their love and affection not with words, but with gestures and actions in everyday life.

You need to understand that society teaches representatives of the stronger sex to hide their feelings and not talk about them. Everyone wants to see a man strong, in control of his emotions in any circumstances. This leaves an imprint on the man’s personality, his manner of conversation and communication. He was so used to hiding his own feelings that he forgot about their existence in the woman he loved.

A man cannot trust and open up, because he considers it his duty to hide his feelings. A woman is given a great opportunity to show intuition and the ability to compromise. She must understand this property of male nature, brought up by society.

It is a woman who can and should take the first step towards creating a serious relationship - learning to communicate in confidence together.

From now on, you must set yourself a goal: to fully and completely understand your partner, especially to understand his differences from you.

This is the key to a serious relationship, the foundation for creating a family. You need to be aware that what is done for her is done for the other half, for the general happiness of the couple.

Classification of relationships between people

How to manipulate people - can this be learned, methods of influence

There are the following types of classification of interpersonal relationships (IR):

• by purpose;
• the nature.

Selectivity is a characteristic feature of this division when choosing a partner for MO.

By purpose

There are two types of relationships between people according to purpose:

• primary - when they arise by themselves, without the desire of the individual, caused by necessity;
• secondary - based on some conscious action of one person for another.

For example, primary interaction can include the communication of people in a queue, when one person “takes” the queue, and the other “gives” the queue to him.

Another example is when residents of a house in a fire call the fire brigade to put out the fire. Firefighters, upon arrival, evacuate the victims and extinguish the fire. These are secondary relationships, they all share one goal.

Relationships linked by purpose

The nature

Formal and informal are the two types of relationships classified in this segment.

Formal relations are characterized by the following points:

• lack of emotional coloring and manifestations of feelings;
• restrictions on rules and norms of behavior;
• inability to choose partners for communication.

An example of such relationships is business professional relationships at work, between colleagues, superiors and subordinates during the working day.

Attention! In formal communication, people adhere to certain conventions, without showing personal feelings.

In addition, MOs are also classified according to the degree of involvement in these relationships.

Classification of MOs by depth of involvement

Emotional connection

The next type of connection is emotional. Some believe that this is the most powerful relationship, although not always successful. However, if you and the person have a strong emotional connection, your union will be strong.

It is difficult to overestimate this type of relationship. But many do not understand its power, because they do not know how emotions can help build a strong union. Men are insecure about this type because they do not like to show joy, happiness, sadness, despair, etc. Women, on the other hand, can overact and upset the balance with their hypersensitivity.

Types of relationships in teams and business connections

When considering what kind of connections exist between people, it is impossible to miss the collective relationships associated with professional and business activities.

Friendship between a man and a woman - how it differs from female friendship

A work collective is a group of people whose association is based on professional work within one organization or structural unit.

Applicable to a structural unit and a company as a whole, three types of relationships are considered:

• labor;
• public;
• relationships of life.

The labor type, also known as professional, consists of the following interactions between employees:

• subordination relationships (vertical) - from manager to junior employee;
• coordination relationships (horizontal) - between workers of equal rank connected by a common work process.

Social communication actions of employees are related to the activities of trade unions or other public organizations in whose work employees are involved.

The life activity of the team and the relationships manifested in this area include friendly communication during the lunch break (in the dining room, change house, smoking room).

Important! The two components of workers' MO are business and personal relationships. At the same time, a trend is visible: in a more developed team in the Moscow Region, the business qualities of a colleague are valued, in a less developed team, personal characteristics are valued.

Classification of MO in the workforce

Psychological connection between rivals

There is also the opinion of psychologists that such a connection appears between rivals or competitors. Such people, when communicating with each other, can show the same gestures, repeat filler words one after another and think in the same direction.

Interestingly, an experiment was once even conducted in which 25 male and 18 female couples took part. Each of them is used to playing a multiplayer computer game. At the same time, the rivals began to strive to win, and therefore expressed extremely strong emotions, but at the same time, a strong psychological connection arose between them.

Scientists believe that such a connection between people arose because each wanted to get into the other’s head, read his thoughts and predict his decisions. By the way, such an experiment prompted psychologists to believe that such a relationship strengthens friendships.

Types of interactions between people of either gender

Relationships between people of different sexes can be considered using the example of a school institution. Studying at school and the class, as a working team, are examples of coordination communication between students. Sharing notes during a break, helping each other in class - all this is interpersonal communication.

A number of relationships between people without regard to gender may be as follows:

• related - within close and distant blood ties;
• comradely - in a circle outlined by common activity;
• friendships - formed after meeting;
• friendly - arise from friendly ones, with closer rapprochement;
• professional - within the framework of a common cause.

It is noticed that only the mutual desire of the participants to maintain any relationship from these categories makes them stable.

Stages of relationship development

It is impossible to immediately become close and dear to a person. To do this, you need to go through certain stages of relationships from acquaintance to friendship and love:

1. First contact. People meet for the first time, practically do not know each other and cannot discern the true face of a new acquaintance. The stage of riddles and awkwardness allows them to take a closer look and determine the need for further communication. Sometimes acquaintance is a necessary measure. For example, an official reception or a change of job will require a person to come into contact with individuals unfamiliar to him. The transition to the next level or a delay at this stage depends on whether an emotional connection has appeared between people.
2. Friendly relationships. People are no longer just acquaintances: a little time has passed since the first meeting, and communication, little by little, begins to take on a more emotional coloring. Friends help each other with little things, have fun and feel quite comfortable in each other's company. But you can’t trust them with serious secrets, and in a really difficult situation it’s better to call a closer person for help. However, friends easily turn into comrades if there are prerequisites for this in communication.
3. Partnership. This stage is intermediate between friendship and friendly relationships. Companionship can be a great asset in life and helps you feel confident. A comrade will come to the rescue, give practical advice and will not set you up, but still he will put his own interests above and will not make serious sacrifices. Many people believe that camaraderie is friendship, although this is a little different.
4. Friendship. A friend is the closest person, sometimes closer than parents or even a significant other. Friendship unites two like-minded individuals. They may be completely different in appearance and character, but they complement each other and have common ideas. You can trust a true friend with everything that lies on your heart. He will not betray you and will not leave you in trouble. Not all people come to this type of relationship, because only selfless and kind individuals are capable of truly making friends.
5. Love and marriage. Friendship between two people of the opposite sex can develop into something more, that is, love. A strong feeling can also arise at the stage of acquaintance, but this is nothing more than passion. True love appears only after passing through all levels of human relationships. Then people get to know each other well enough and can really fall in love.

Not all people move from stage to stage, because they do not strive to become closer to a specific individual. Relationships can either move to new stages or return back. Friends often quarrel and become just acquaintances, while lovers separate and begin to be friends.

Types of relationships between a man and a woman

The clash of opposite sexes in society always gives rise to communication. A simple question: “Does friendship exist between a man and a woman?” always worried the public. What causes two sexes to spend time together if there is no love or sexual connection between them? By assigning what type of relationship is the process of describing such friendship regulated?

Experts are of the opinion that one of the “friends” experiences hidden sympathy, which the other has no idea about or does not show that he has guessed. By the type of relationship between people, you can determine how close they are.

Between husband and wife

One of the types of relationships is marital relationships, which arise between people of different sexes. They are distinguished by the following characteristics:

• relatively long relationships based on love and spiritual intimacy;
• there is a physical need for each other;
• the presence of common interests related to the birth of children and their upbringing.

Such MOs are one whole, consisting of two halves: “male rational” and “female intuitive”.

Marital MO

Theory of justice

One of the components of social exchange theory is equity theory. It characterizes relationships between people as mutually beneficial. That is, every member of society enters into one relationship or another for a reason, but in order to gain some advantages. From childhood, we are taught to share, speak politely, control aggression, and show compassion. It is assumed that we will be answered in kind, but in modern life the opposite effect is increasingly observed. Our innate sense of justice suffers from this, on the basis of which the theory of the same name is built.

The main postulates of the theory of justice are as follows:

1. People in relationships multiply their benefits from existence. It is difficult to earn money, run a household and raise children alone. Unforeseen circumstances make their own adjustments to a measured way of life, and positive relationships will help you feel more confident.
2. Groups of people develop their own norms and rules to distribute rewards fairly among everyone. This lengthy postulate simply says that colleagues, friends, comrades support and understand each other only after a certain time has passed. They gradually learn to interact and together enjoy and benefit from life.
3. Violation of justice leads to tension among disadvantaged group members. When one of the participants in the relationship decides to take control of earnings, attention, love, the balance between group members is upset. As a result, deprived people remain dissatisfied, and relationships become tense.
4. Tension causes members to interfere with the group's order and rules, leading to struggles for justice and action. If one person works, and the other does nothing, but receives the same amount, then the first will begin to be indignant. This is quite logical and easy to understand. But the theory of justice characterizes not only business relationships, but also interpersonal ones. For example, a constantly exploited wife will sooner or later rebel against her husband. And the parents of a capricious and demanding child will begin to deny him many things and will raise him more strictly.

In general, equity theory states that without equality and mutual respect, relationships between people will not be satisfying. Any connections between two or more individuals must be built on balance: as much as you give, as much you take.

Basic forms of political relations

Social science defines the points underlying their organization as follows:

• political inter-party competition;
• social support for parties by voters;
• cooperation with citizens (trade unions and party organizations);
• connection between the state and the citizen, responsibility to each other;
• interstate unions;
• conflicts, both domestic and interstate.

All political relations are determined by the distribution of power, powers and rights in society.

Signs

How does a mental connection work? Some attribute it to magic, while others associate it with psychology. For many, telepathy is quackery, since no solid evidence of its existence has yet been found.

One thing we all know: such a connection most often occurs between close people. Most often this is a mother and child, then a brother and sister, as well as a husband and wife.

How do we feel during a mental connection? At some point, we may suddenly become aware of what someone close to us is doing or feeling. Sometimes we may suddenly remember a friend when suddenly we receive a call from him. It happens that close people say the same words or finish a sentence at the same time. Most often, a mental connection manifests itself when words are not needed to understand a person.

What is meant by the development and problem of IR

The problem of interpersonal communication, both personal and social, consists of three vectors of development:

• material;
• social;
• psychological.

Proven! To increase labor productivity, material incentives (wages), social conditions (social package) and a comfortable psychological environment in the team must be established at the proper level.

In family relationships, the slogan “Paradise in the hut with the darling” stimulates the development of relationships and love relationships until the first serious everyday difficulties. On the other hand, without love in the connection between two people, the palace may seem like a “gilded cage.”

Types of Energy Communication

It is usually divided into energy channels and bindings. Esotericists study this area, which is why they explain this phenomenon. Experts usually talk about the existence of seven chakras, thanks to which energy, well-being and even the environment can change.

Energy channels are usually a one-time occurrence. In this case, people meet, “connect” to each other, exchange information and energy, and then “disconnect” and each continue to do their own thing. In this case there is no constant connection, so there is no constant exchange.

Energy bindings work on an ongoing basis. In this case, people do not “disconnect” from each other, but continue to interact. In this case, a joint dependence arises between them. Esotericists believe that such interaction harms the person’s personality, which came to this earth free. They even believe that such a connection can cause illness and psychological disorders.

The energetic binding begins to control the person. Such a connection between two people destroys both. Both show aggression, feel sadness and may even face suicide. Sometimes such relationships can lead to degradation, the reasons for which will be invisible at first glance.

Is it possible to manage relationships?

Answer: “You can!” In companies, this is done by the HR manager, who monitors the general psychological situation, identifying and eliminating reasons for outbursts of alienation and hostility between employees. Conducted trainings and constant tests among staff can show how united the team is. Material incentives for each employee, individual approach and collective events are the main tools for managing mutual relations.

People can manage interpersonal relationships if they listen to each other and make joint compromises. It’s worth emphasizing your partner’s strengths, putting up with your partner’s shortcomings, and allowing him to have his own vision of the situation.

Why can't you build relationships?

Sometimes it happens that a beautiful and smart woman cannot build a relationship with a man.

The reasons can be very different, but the main ones are:

• Bad example of parents. It is very important to understand that all people are different, as well as situations. It is quite possible that your life will be more successful than that of your relatives;
• Demands on men are too high. Give free rein to your feelings, not your mind. Treat men more easily;
• Takes on the male role. You shouldn’t do this and make decisions for men. This scares them away. Be feminine, gentle, defenseless;
• Idealization of a partner. Accept your partner for who he really is. Do not idealize him, do not attribute to him the qualities that you would like to see in him. Otherwise, you will have to be disappointed in him later;
• Self-dislike. Love yourself, be confident, smile more often. Do something you enjoy.

But very often a woman cannot build a relationship with a man because he:

• Womanizer;
• Egoist;
• Gigolo;
• Despot;
• Alcoholic.

If a woman has nevertheless linked her fate with such a person, it is better to end the relationship with him as soon as possible and try to find a worthy match. There is no need to dwell on negative experiences. Live, rejoice and believe that very soon everything will be fine for you.

Video

Accessory for Trottola strollers Rain cover for stroller cradle CLASSIC transparent

225 ₽ More details

Cup holder for stroller Nuovita Tengo Lux (Nero/Black)

599 ₽ More details

Demi-season overalls for boys sale