We constantly communicate with other people, and a lot depends on this communication. Therefore, it is absolutely necessary to develop effective communication skills and understand the psychology of communication.
In this article, we invite you to get acquainted with the classification of communication levels compiled by Anatoly Borisovich Dobrovitch, Candidate of Medical Sciences, author of popular books on psychology and psychotherapy. We are confident that you will find this information useful.
First level: primitive
At the lowest level, the interlocutor is still perceived as an object, and he is assessed on the scale “needed - hinders.” If the interlocutor-object interferes, there is a desire to get away from him as quickly as possible, without explaining anything. The inner world of the individual is not considered at the primitive level of communication. Speech is usually fast and terse.
This level is “primitive” also in a bad sense. The attitude towards the interlocutor is openly expressed, even if this may offend him; the interlocutors often interrupt each other and do not comply with communication norms.
Let’s say that a drunkard gets attached to a person going to work. It is unlikely that they will say hello and goodbye, and also try to examine each other’s inner world. By all indications, this is an example of a primitive level of communication.
Types of communication and suitable situations for them
Communication is not only verbal and non-verbal - this is only one, and far from the deepest side of it. If you observe yourself for at least one day, you will certainly notice how different your style of interaction with different people is. Of course, the situation in which you find yourself also has its influence. As a rule, we choose the type of communication unconsciously, and sometimes we get confused and nervous because of this. For this reason, it is important to clearly understand the differences in types of communication and use them only when appropriate.
Second level: manipulative
As the name suggests, at the second level of communication the interlocutor is perceived as an object of possible manipulation. The manipulator tries to control his victim, sometimes unconsciously.
An example of the second level of communication would be interaction with a sales consultant. You already follow the norms of communication, but you still treat each other indifferently and do not try to get to know each other as individuals. At the same time, the sales assistant is trying to influence you psychologically so that you make a purchase.
Life
We can observe the features of manipulative communication in everyday life. Surely, at least once they tried to convince everyone of something, citing statements by famous people or information from authoritative sources. This can be found everywhere. The calculation is this: a person, having heard a famous name, will believe what was said and act as his opponent wants.
Some do not neglect other techniques. For example, focus on loyalty and devotion. These are the most common phrases like “You love me!” or “You’re my best friend.” But they are the ones that are most widespread. But most often the emphasis is placed a little differently, like: “You don’t love me!” or “It turns out that you are not my friend at all.” The pressure is already felt here. A person, having heard this, becomes indignant that a loved one doubts him, and seeks to prove the opposite by action. Which is what the opponent expects from him.
Many manipulative communication technologies involve demonstrating to a person the benefits that he can get if he does something. This occurs both in everyday life and in advertising. But the most striking example is political agitation.
Pressure on pity is another cunning technique. People who want this or that task done for them resort to it.
And the last method that can be noted is force and threats. A striking example is the collectors from the relevant agencies, who explain to people in extremely clear and simple language what consequences they can expect in the near future if they do not pay off their debts.
Third level: standardized
Formal and superficial communication. At this level, people participate in communication from the perspective of a role, and not from the perspective of their personality. That is, the boss and subordinate are communicating, not Anton and Andrey.
This level is also called the “mask” level. These “masks” can be not only professional, but also any other roles with which a person covers his personality.
Of course, when a person puts on a “mask” in communication, he becomes insincere and closed. He does not show his real feelings, does not express his thoughts. After communicating at a standardized level, it is difficult to say what kind of person your interlocutor really is.
Social communication
This is a very convenient type of communication, which consists of the fact that you can talk about anything, but actually think about something else. It turns out to be a kind of conversation about nothing. Just remember that your interlocutors are last of all interested in your personal opinion on any issue, and expressing it is considered simply bad form. Usually this type of communication is appropriate at all kinds of exhibitions, concerts, on vacation or during a casual acquaintance. Here it was enough to be polite, tactful, to express approval and sympathy.
Fourth level: conventional
Cultural, polite and ethical communication. Both interlocutors have the desire and readiness to communicate. As a rule, communication at the fourth level takes place on equal terms (or close to it). There is no obvious manipulator and no obvious victim.
The interlocutors treat each other with respect, try to understand someone else’s point of view and, if opinions differ, strive to come to an agreement. Open and sincere communication.
We can observe a conventional level of communication at a business meeting of business partners and sometimes in family circles or among friends.
We communicate easily!
A level of communication based on improvisational forms that can be frivolous, humorous, even grotesque. So, several friends, talking animatedly and exchanging jokes, do not notice how a rather long logical chain is being built. Women's coquetry is also one of the most striking examples of communication at the level of mutual play. This level of communication is directly related to a sense of humor; it is very important for any informal relationship. For example, family relationships are unlikely to be sufficiently harmonious and constantly renewed without mutual play and humor.
It happens that people with a certain type of character and temperament use the game level in conversations that require a completely different level of communication. This does not mean at all that these people are not capable of serious action, it is simply a consequence of a certain mentality. Such people belong to the hyperthymic psychotype (cheerful, energetic people). By the way, if we are overly irritated by such optimists, maybe we should think about whether we take life too seriously?
Spiritual
The name shows that this level of communication is characterized by the greatest degree of disclosure of one’s personality and immersion in the personality of the interlocutor. This level sometimes requires considerable internal effort, which not everyone is capable of. The spiritual level of communication is used by some especially close relatives and friends. Confessing to a priest, a sincere story about yourself, will certainly require a particularly deep spiritual level of communication.
A special feature of the spiritual level of communication is the unhurried pace of speech, the reason for which is a special trusting attitude towards the interlocutor, towards communication with him.
Situation: She shows Him a notebook of her school poems, and He, instead of showing interest, makes the remark: “I thought you were talking about something serious.” This pattern of behavior is fundamentally wrong. She offers Him communication on a spiritual level, but He perceives it on a primitive business level. “Hmm, you made some pretty good sonnets,” he should say, even if it’s not entirely true.
Mask level
Everyone can count many masks. The interlocutor inevitably puts on a mask of friendliness, seriousness, and politeness, since sometimes it is simply psychologically impossible to invest all your mental resources and charm into communication. You should also take into account not only verbal contacts - no less often we collide with someone simply by looking at them, silently shaking someone’s hand, this also takes energy, and we protect ourselves with the help of masks.
Note that when you give a less-than-sincere compliment, you put on a mask so as not to get hurt by your own insincerity. The concept of lying is directly related to the mask system. The level of masks also includes the concepts of “Formal level”, “Level of maintaining contact”, “Level of standard conversation” (according to Byudzhental). The formal level is characterized by maintaining a certain impression of oneself and maintaining a certain distance. The level of maintaining contact is communication between people in a more relaxed manner, communication at the level of facts and opinions. The standard conversation level is an everyday dialogue between loved ones and acquaintances.
If necessary, use masks; sometimes you should not show your true mood to your interlocutors, since any deviation from the norm may be misunderstood. Your bad mood when communicating with a client, or your overly high spirits at a wake will not be entirely appropriate.
It is worth noting that constant communication in a mask often greatly interferes with the manifestations of one’s own “I”. Suppose, if it is appropriate to be polite and reserved on the street, then in communication with your beloved and friends it will even be dangerous.
In Buddhist and Taoist philosophies, the techniques of “putting on masks” are well developed, and thus the mask is a path to self-improvement - suppressing the shortcomings of one’s “I” with the help of a mask. For example, if you want to get rid of shyness, you put on the mask of a brave, decisive, even somewhat arrogant person.
Communication in a critical situation
There is also a special level - communication in a critical situation. Such situations contribute to the removal of masks, more fruitful subjective contact, and joint decision-making.
The faster a person determines at what level he needs to communicate with his interlocutor, the more successful the contact will be. It is sometimes impossible to determine at what level a conversation will take place, but a person’s clothing and manners are the first things to consider. When meeting people, it is best to start a conversation in a mask of restrained politeness, moderately open and friendly, but in no case with familiarity or sullen isolation. The moment of the handshake is very important. It should not be sluggish or so that the interlocutor’s bones crack - you should not set a goal in advance to suppress your communication partner. It is better not to shake hands with women, although this is done quite often; it is better to limit yourself to a slight bow of the head.
Of course, communication is an extremely complex research problem. However, you should not look at the problem of communication from the pages of scientific publications about psychology; perhaps you should think about the fact that communicating is also just pleasant!
Fifth level: gaming
There is genuine interest and sympathy for the interlocutor. A characteristic feature of the fifth level of communication is saturation with feelings and emotions. As a rule, those people who communicate at the gaming level are those who have known each other for several days.
The fifth level of communication is characterized by goodwill, tact, sensuality and sensitivity, care and compliance. Most often, interlocutors try to show their best side and create mutual affection for each other. That is why this level is called the game level.
An example of the fifth level is communication between a woman and a man at the stage of falling in love.
How is the level of communication determined?
Communication is the interaction of people, during which information of an affective-evaluative or cognitive nature is exchanged between them. Communication regulates joint activities and makes possible the relatively peaceful coexistence of people.
It is believed that the moment of the emergence of speech coincides with the appearance in ancient people of such a feeling as joy. Indeed, communication can bring great joy. Words can be used to support, help, negotiate, express love and other positive feelings and intentions. But not all communication is pleasant. In the same way, when communicating, people quarrel, express hostility, lie, severely criticize, humiliate, and so on.
Communication is extremely diverse. There are many types, styles, types and levels.
The level of communication is determined by the following components:
Express thoughts. To be able to speak smoothly, consistently and clearly, you need to have a rich vocabulary. The presence of filler words, long pauses and obscene language in speech indicates a poorly developed ability to express oneself clearly.
Ability
It’s not at all difficult to expand your vocabulary; you just need to read more and communicate more often with people who speak competently.
- Approach to communication . It is important not only to express thoughts in words, but also to pay attention to whether the interlocutor understands the meaning of the spoken words. Style and manner must be adjusted so that they are appropriate. The perception of speech and whether it will be perceived at all depends on this. When the interlocutor is addressed in a language he understands, he feels interested in communication and respect for his personality.
- Rate of speech . In some cases it is more appropriate to speak quickly, in others - slowly. The best option is to speak measuredly, evenly, at an average pace, so that all words are clearly audible, that is, pronounce an average of 2 words per second. In this case, thoughts will not get ahead of words and speech will turn out more beautiful.
Sixth level: business
There is a love for the common cause here. People united by a common goal are open to each other, communicate as equals and are always ready to help.
The business level of communication is distinguished by the openness of its participants, mutual trust, fidelity, sincerity, mutual respect and, as they say, “a sense of comradeship.” “Masks” at this level have no meaning.
At the sixth level, old friends and spouses who have already passed a stormy, passionate period communicate.
Other technologies
Only some manipulative communication techniques were listed above. However, there are many others that also cannot be ignored.
Many manipulators do not hesitate to appeal to the common sense of their interlocutor. They do not substantiate anything - they simply appeal to human consciousness. But it can be deceiving.
Others turn to the individual. Referring to certain characteristics of the interlocutor, discussing them. Some resort to ignorance. They literally “bombard” a person with provisions and facts that he is unaware of. Which he is naturally embarrassed to admit. And if he tries to stutter, his opponent looks at him reproachfully and says: “Don’t you know this? Well, well...”, after which, driving the interlocutor into blush, he continues what he started. As a result, the person believes the manipulator, considering him a “knowledgeable” person.
Some may still turn to vanity. Using undisguised flattery and boundless praise, the manipulator hopes to soften the interlocutor’s position and make him more flexible. This is usually accompanied by hurt pride: “Aren’t you capable of this? I had a better opinion of you, I considered you strong and fearless. Your colleague N. would probably agree!” This is also called antipodean motivation.
By the way, manipulations are often accompanied by phrases like “But you yourself said that...” or “So you mean that you are capable of this!” When an opponent turns to what the person supposedly had in mind, he literally disarms him.
About the transition between levels
The level of communication may vary. And both from bottom to top and from top to bottom. You can also communicate with the same person on different levels in different situations: for example, if you work with your friend in the same place and he is your boss, then at work you can communicate at a conventional or standardized level, and in your free time - on the gaming or spiritual.
In order for the article to be truly useful to you, we suggest that you analyze all your contacts in the next few days and determine the level at which communication took place. Does it suit you? Do you want to upgrade or lower it? Based on the level descriptions, how can you do this? These skills will definitely help improve your communication.
We wish you success!
Common phrases of manipulators
Phrases like these are often uttered by manipulators, and people who interact with them will probably remember the times they heard them.
- You are too sensitive/sensitive. A classic example of gaslighting: the manipulator tries to portray the victim’s reactions to his own words as something wrong, defective, trying to make her believe that there is something wrong with her.
- Phrases starting with “You are.” “You’re a girl,” “You’re a man,” “You’re a programmer,” “You’re a mother,” “You’re a doctor.”
These and similar phrases essentially became a meme on the RuNet. The person using them seeks to apply pressure using established stereotypes about genders and professions in society and to obtain the necessary reaction from the victim. - If you do this, I'll do this. “If you lose weight, I’ll definitely marry you,” “If you break up with this Tolik of yours, I’ll give you money to pay for university.” A person says all these manipulative phrases in order to satisfy his own needs and at the same time “re-educate” his victim.
- Disparaging statements. “Ha, I found a problem! People without arms and legs somehow manage, but you can’t find a job,” “I’d like your problems.” The manipulator devalues the victim’s difficulties while getting the desired reaction.
- I am joking! Usually pronounced after a series of insults of varying degrees of veil. In this case, the manipulator seeks to offend the victim, and then expose her reactions as inadequate and at the same time look innocent.
- You are incredibly selfish. Of course, it is beneficial for the manipulator that the person he influences shows sacrifice, compliance, pleases him, and does not stand his ground. This is why he pronounces such phrases.
- You don't know how to accept criticism/Learn to accept criticism. Also pronounced after a series of insults passed off as supposedly critical remarks.
Planning
People who need something serious from their opponent build entire plans, by following which they will be able to achieve what they want. This usually takes a lot of time, since there is something significant at stake that you can’t just get.
This occurs in the sphere of personal relationships. So, for example, a greedy girl, who most of all in her life dreams of a carefree but rich life, was lucky enough to meet a wealthy man. With her constant declarations of love and fidelity, she binds the “victim” to herself more and more strongly. True, such people are not stupid, and they will have to do things to prove their “serious and sincere intentions.” But in the end, by cunning it is possible to achieve the desired. The manipulated person is deprived of willpower. And the “organizer” of the scam gets the opportunity to control it.
Business and work
This is the area in which manipulative communication occurs most often. And it is completely common. The leader does not influence his subordinates by force - he controls them psychologically, creating in them the illusion of freedom and independence.
Whatever the goals of communication of this type, manipulation is always built according to one scheme or another. An excellent model was created by American psychotherapist Eric Berne. He created an interesting diagram with three ego positions. They are conventionally designated by scientists as “Parent” (P), “Adult” (C) and “Child” (D). How does the scheme work? Can be understood with an example.
Let's say a meeting is organized at a company. And the manager is also required to go there, as he was informed about. But he just doesn’t want to. The position of the “Parent” is: “I have to go - it’s my responsibility. And an example must be set for subordinates.” At the same time, “Adult” assures: “Meetings are a waste of time. My desk here is full of reports.” And the “Child”’s position is: “If I don’t go, the boss will be very angry.” As a result, the following decision is made: the manager goes to the meeting, but takes the papers with him so that he can sit further away and work on the spot. It turns out to be a reasonable compromise.
This simple diagram is an auxiliary tool for transactional analysis of manipulations. There is a slight psychological struggle and a question of choice, as well as the distribution of positions.
Impact of guilt
Guilt is most often used by manipulators in family life. By experiencing it, a person seeks to compensate for the damage caused. For example: “You were walking and having fun with your friends, and I am alone and babysitting the child, and creating comfort for you,” “It’s better for you to rest today, and I can do your work for you.” The manipulator will constantly press on the feeling of guilt or find new episodes. The recipient in such a situation will try to level out the discomfort and will fall into the same trap over and over again. The feeling of guilt subsequently gives rise to aggression, so the manipulator should use such psychological influence with caution.
Impact of pride
Vanity and pride are a wonderful lever for psychological influence. For example: “I see that my wife is tired at work. But you’re smart and an excellent housewife - surprise my friends with a delicious dinner,” “I’m preparing a promotion for you, but, unfortunately, your salary will have to remain the same for now.” The more a person strives to prove his skills to someone, the more often he tries to catch up and overtake his friends in success, the faster he will become a victim of psychological influence.
Family
This is another area where manipulation is common. The “Child in the Family” technique is often used by lazy husbands. Did your wife tell you to go to the store? He won't buy what he needed. Then the wife will go to the supermarket herself, so that she doesn’t have to get on her nerves and go shopping again. Of course, not all men are so vile. And you can easily find out that a woman is married to just such a “frame”. When naming the number of children, she will include her husband in it.
A technique called “Offended” also takes place in such an area as manipulative communication. Examples are numerous. One of the spouses, feeling that his other half will soon turn to him with a request to do something that he does not want to do, suddenly becomes offended. Who would approach an upset person to ask for something?
In general, the role of communication was initially positive. Only people ruin everything. With your manipulations. Many people get carried away by them, and then wonder why their relationship collapses. Here, for example, is another technique called “If you weren’t there.” Both husbands and wives actively use it. In order to make the partner feel guilty and begin to control him. “Why did I marry you? Look how they looked after me, and there were even businessmen! And I wasted my youth on you,” are such phrases rare? No. Maybe it will be possible to manipulate her once, but abuse will lead to divorce.
Taking it out of context
Another method that is identical to the one mentioned above. How to recognize that a manipulative level of communication has reached? Very easy and simple. If the opponent becomes a nightingale and talks only about mountains of gold. This is still the same area of work and business communication.
What does the manipulator do? It takes the whole point out of the real context. Leaving only what might arouse the interest of his opponent. This is how he manages to drive a person’s thought into a narrow corridor.
An example is currency trading. This is a real way to make money, but not for everyone and not everywhere. Unenlightened people don’t really delve into this, so when they receive an offer from a supposedly authoritative and respectable person who assures him that he has eaten the dog in this matter, they believe. And the real manipulative business communication begins. Which develops into something more. Then, as soon as a person becomes a victim, his “authoritative” opponent begins to manipulate his actions: he tells him where to invest money and how much, how to place a bet and what to follow. As a result, the victim comes to the realization that this is pure fraud. It just happens too late.
In family relationships
The most common family manipulations are hysterics, silence, demonstrative departure “to mom’s,” partying with friends, and drinking bouts. Psychological influence is used by both parents and children. This is a way to achieve your own benefit by playing on the feelings of others.
To avoid such influences in the family, you should learn to trust each other and openly discuss your desires and actions. Perhaps, at first, conflict situations will be a frequent occurrence. Over time, relatives will learn to calmly talk about their goals and motivations. But there are also constructive manipulations that can inspire a spouse or child to new achievements.
Impact of pity
This technique is often used by children and young girls. Its task is to evoke self-pity and a desire to help. For example: “I’m so tired, I don’t have any strength, and I also have to cook dinner for you,” “I’m the boss and every time I receive comments for your bad work and pay fines for you.” The victim receives help in this psychological impact. But she herself does not strive to improve her life, but prefers to complain. The slight energetic “vampirism” of this action subsequently evokes a contemptuous attitude towards the manipulator.
Techniques of manipulation in communication
The manipulator chooses appropriate techniques, depending on who his activity is directed at. This can be an impact on an individual or an entire audience. The media space has its own established ways of controlling human consciousness. Employers often use manipulation techniques to create their own image. In a family, there are separate forms of interaction between parents and children.
The main techniques and methods of manipulation in communication are based on feelings. They are capable of destroying a person’s personality and life. Therefore, you should learn the important points of mental interaction and try to stop them.
About the benefits of manipulation
We must not forget what the main role of communication is. It is about personal and spiritual development. There is nothing to be done - manipulation has always been and will be. In some cases they are even necessary. Sometimes, through manipulation and persuasion, you can force a person to do something that will actually be useful to him. This occurs in education, for example. Parents notice that their son spends more and more time on the computer, and this probably affects his studies. What to do? Put a password on your computer? This is unlikely to benefit the relationship. But if the head of the family at dinner, as if by chance, says something like this to his wife: “Listen, we haven’t been to Vanya’s school for a long time. We need to choose a time to go,” then it is quite possible that an “alarm bell” will go off in his son’s head and he will zealously grab the books.
There are many examples. They are found in personal relationships, in families, at work, in friendship, in business. Almost everywhere. Manipulation is ubiquitous. Therefore, it is important to remember all of the above in order to be able to recognize it. In the modern world, such a quality will not be superfluous.
In business relationships
Manipulations in business communication, their presence or absence, depend more on the professionalism of the employee and his confidence in his abilities. It is difficult to influence a person who knows his own worth. If the employee is incompetent or too shy to emphasize his merits, the employer or colleagues will not fail to take advantage of this.
Common methods of influence in a work environment are:
- ridicule, reproaches; the recipient is nervous, irritated and performs the actions necessary for the manipulator;
- demonstrative resentment is a reluctance to admit one’s point of view is wrong, and the addressee will try to fulfill all the whims of the offended person;
- flattery and support are intended to reduce a person’s vigilance and make him a victim of influence.
Manipulation in business communication can be avoided if you clearly express your opinion (which is obviously correct) and be confident in your professional qualities. During the impact, you can try to interrupt the conversation with a phone call or urgent matter. Even a simple change of topic of discussion will help avoid manipulation.
How to find out about the psychological impact?
There are different ways to communicate. Manipulation is one of them. But how can an ignorant person understand that they are being deceived into feelings or are trying to push him to a certain action? There are special keys that the manipulator uses to obtain the result. Here are some of them.
- Emotions. If the addressee felt that the opponent was “pressuring” feelings (for example, pity, empathy, shame, vindictiveness), then the process of consciousness control is underway.
- Incomprehensible words. Professional terms and “smart” words appear in speech. They are a red herring intended to disguise a lie.
- Repeat phrase. The addressee hears the repetition of the same statement in speech. In this way, the manipulator tries to “zombify”, to instill the necessary thought.
- Urgency. It creates a certain level of nervousness. The addressee does not have time to comprehend what has been said, and he is already being called to action. His attention is distracted, and in the bustle he begins to carry out what his opponent is trying to achieve.
- Fragmentation of meaning. During the discussion, the addressee is not given all the information. It is split into pieces in such a way that a person is unable to grasp the entire news, but draws false conclusions based on a fragmentary phrase.
- Imposing stereotypes. The manipulator deliberately refers to known truths, emphasizing the commonality of the addressee with them. This imposition of stereotypical thinking or actions leads to their implementation by the object of influence.
Manipulation in communication is necessary in cases where a person does not have the strength or confidence to achieve his desire. He is afraid to openly express his claims and would prefer to achieve his goal through hidden influence.
