How to learn to communicate with people: rules of effective communication and practical exercises

Why can't I communicate?

Most often, the inability to successfully communicate with other people is based on problems in the field of psychology. It can be:

• shyness;
• low self-esteem;
• fear of “blurting out” something stupid;
• fear of expressing your opinion;
• problems with diction (lisp, stuttering, burr, etc.).

The causes of these problems often stem from childhood, when communication skills are just being formed. Here are some of the factors that can lead to communication problems:

1. Rooted complexes.
2. Serious emotional shock.
3. A long period of loneliness due to various circumstances, and as a result - social degradation.
4. Severe restrictions on communication with peers (parents did not let the child leave the house, did not allow him to communicate with other children).

These are all quite serious reasons that require careful and long work with a psychologist. They manifest themselves in the fact that a person cannot even adequately respond to an appeal to him. He withdraws, hides, and can run away.

If a person can carry on a conversation, but does not consider himself a good conversationalist, then this skill can be practiced. There are a lot of different personal development trainings. They, of course, can inspire, but without regular practice, the theory is meaningless. That is why I have selected the most interesting and effective exercises for you. But before we get started, let's learn the basic rules for successfully communicating with people.

The art of interpersonal communication

Communication is a natural process. Under ideal circumstances, all people should have free contact with each other. But in reality, in real life, some individuals experience a fear of communication, which is called social phobia. In this case, the need for contact with other people is practically or completely absent. Often, such fear arises in adolescence, which is the most difficult stage in the life of any person.

If the first experience of conscious entry into society, the first communication with someone is negative, then in the future such a person will experience problems with interpersonal connections. This minimizes the need for conversations and conversations with others like oneself, often leads to isolation or creates a desire to avoid such “irritants,” that is, society as a whole. The importance of communication in human life cannot be overestimated. It is an art and skill that is acquired over the years. It is quite natural that a person’s communication skills depend not only on his personal characteristics, but also on the environment in which he was (is) at different stages of his life.

However, by following the rules of interpersonal communication, you can avoid many troubles:

• speak to another person in the way that you yourself consider best and only true;
• show respect to the person you are talking to;
• Express trust and understanding in the person you are talking to.

Rules for successful communication

The famous speaker Dale Carnegie published the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” more than 80 years ago. In it, he described the most effective basic communication techniques and rules that will help introverted and shy people become excellent conversationalists. These rules remain relevant to this day.

1. Genuinely showing interest in other people. Often we find it more pleasant to talk with those who are interested in our personality and ask various questions regarding our opinion and experience. Therefore, be sure to ask questions to your interlocutor. But don't turn the conversation into an interrogation with bias. Everything should be natural and sincere, and for this you must experience genuine interest in your interlocutor.
2. Smile. A person who smiles evokes positive feelings in us. Even if we don’t know him personally. During a conversation, your smile is proof that the interlocutor is pleasant to you and you like talking to him. Just try to avoid a fake smile. Smile not only with your mouth, but also with your eyes, soul, and heart.
3. Proper name. From birth, the sound of our name is the most pleasant sound. Therefore, always address others by their first and middle names if necessary. The name indicates the individuality of a person, his originality and uniqueness. This is the simplest compliment you can give someone. Just call him by name.
4. Listening skills. In conversation, people usually prefer to talk more than listen. Often they simply wait for their turn to speak and do not try to listen and understand what they are told. Especially during an argument. If you listen carefully to your interlocutor, ask him clarifying questions and successfully use phrases that he said earlier during the conversation, then you will pleasantly surprise him. Listening and hearing your interlocutor is much more important than speaking.
5. Interesting topics for conversation. Talk about topics that are interesting to your interlocutor, and finding out about them is quite easy and simple, using rule No. 1 - showing sincere interest. When a person talks about something exciting, his eyes light up. Even if this topic does not seem particularly interesting to you, still try to listen. Surely you can learn something valuable and interesting for yourself.
6. Compliments. Each of us has unique characteristics that are worthy of admiration. Try to notice them in your interlocutor and sincerely express your admiration, approval, and praise. Your compliments should not be exaggerated and resemble undisguised flattery. Falseness always feels good. A timely, sincere compliment will be very pleasant to your interlocutor and will make the conversation even easier and more relaxed.

Physiological basis of speech

The physiological basis of speech is illustrated in Fig. 5.

Peripheral speech support systems include:

1. the energetic system of the respiratory organs necessary for the production of sound - the lungs and the main respiratory muscle - the diaphragm;

1. generator system - sound vibrators (vocal cords of the larynx), the vibration of which produces sound waves;
2. resonator system - nasopharynx, skull, larynx and chest.

Syntagmatic and paradigmatic mechanisms of speech

Mechanisms

speech perception

Mechanisms for organizing speech response

Peripheral speech support systems: energy, generator, resonator

Second signaling system

Brain speech centers

Speech

Speech functions of the left hemisphere of the brain

Rice. 5. Physiological foundations of speech

According to the teachings of I.P. Pavlov, in humans there are two signaling systems of stimuli: the first signaling system is the direct impact of the internal and external environment on various receptors (this is also present in animals) and the second signaling system (speech). Moreover, only a small part of these words denotes sensory effects on humans. The work of the second signaling system consists primarily in the analysis and synthesis of generalized speech signals.

Special studies have established that a person’s ability to analyze and synthesize speech is associated with the left hemisphere of the brain. There are four brain speech centers: Brocca's center (located in the superior frontal gyrus), responsible for the volume of speech pronunciation; Wernicke's center (located in the temporal gyrus) - associated with understanding the meaning; visual center (located in the occipital lobe) – associated with the reading process; writing center (located in the middle frontal gyrus) – associated with written speech.

In addition, speech is ensured by the functioning of certain physiological mechanisms.

Syntagmatic and paradigmatic mechanisms of speech. Syntagmatic mechanisms reflect the dynamic organization of a speech utterance and its physiological characteristics during the functioning of the cerebral cortex. Paradigmatic are responsible for connecting the posterior parts of the left hemisphere with speech codes (phonemic, articulatory, semantic, etc.).

Mechanisms of speech perception. The transition to understanding the speech message is possible only after the speech signal has been converted. It is analyzed on the basis of detector coding, the phonemic interpretation of the information received by the brain. This means that neurons are sensitive to different sound signals and act on the basis of building a certain model of word recognition.

Mechanisms for organizing speech response. In an adult who speaks language, perception and pronunciation are mediated by internal physiological codes that provide phonological articulatory, visual and semantic analysis of words. Moreover, all of the above codes and the operations carried out on their basis have their own cerebral localization.

The complex process of verbal communication is based on the sequential activation of the mechanisms that provide it.

The first stage in the formation of speech structures is speech programming - building the backbone of a speech utterance. For this purpose, important information is selected and unnecessary information is eliminated.

The second stage is the construction of the syntactic structure of the sentence. The general structure of the phrase and its grammatical form are predicted, mechanisms are activated to ensure the search for the desired word, and the selection of sounds that most accurately reproduce it. Finally, pronunciation, the actual sound of speech, takes place. Thus, the process of “speaking” unfolds, during which the communicator encodes the information to be transmitted.

During the listening process, the interlocutor decodes the information received, which in turn is a step-by-step translation of the sounds of audible speech into the meaning of words, and this ensures an understanding of what the communicator wanted to say.

Useful tips for those who want to communicate well

The 6 rules of successful communication considered are the basis, without which it will be quite difficult to win over your interlocutor. In addition to these rules, I want to give you a few more tips that will help in communicating with people.

1. Maintain eye contact with the other person during the conversation. Your gaze should be open and friendly, not depressing or putting pressure on your interlocutor. Practice in front of a mirror if you are not sure that you can look another person in the eyes correctly.
2. Always try to keep your back straight and your shoulders back. This is a powerful signal that you are open to communication and are not afraid to engage in dialogue. A confident gait and gestures will complement your image of a successful person.
3. If you just can’t get rid of shyness and excessive restraint when communicating with unfamiliar people, try to imagine that this is your old acquaintance whom you just haven’t seen for a long time. As a result of such a pleasant experience, your gaze will become softer, your gestures and posture will become more open and friendly. Taken together, this will help to win over the interlocutor and erase unnecessary psychological barriers that make communication difficult.
4. Develop attentiveness and sensitivity towards your interlocutor. Learn to read the emotions and reactions of your dialogue partner. This will help guide the conversation in the right direction. Also, remember as much information about the interlocutor as possible. Subsequently, you can show your interest in him. This will flatter any person.
5. Expand your horizons. Read different books to have something to talk about and tell. Be interested in what is happening around you. Then you will become an interesting interlocutor, capable of maintaining a conversation on any topic. A broad outlook is an integral attribute of a person.

To remain a pleasant conversationalist with whom people enjoy communicating, you should never:

• complain about fate and discuss your problems;
• use obscene language, speak poorly of mutual friends and spread gossip;
• harshly criticize your interlocutor, say that he is wrong and stupid for thinking so;
• choose topics for conversation that are interesting only to you.

So, we got acquainted with the basic rules and tips. Now it's time to move on to practice. After all, theory without practice will not be of any use.

Exercises to practice communication skills

Communication skills need to be constantly trained. This is the only way you will learn to communicate easily and freely even with strangers.

If your shyness and timidity do not allow you to even approach a stranger, then you should seek advice from a psychologist. The following exercises will help you practice your communication skills.

Conversation with furniture

Every day tell your table, chair or indoor flower about how your day went, what interesting things happened. Try to hold back your fit of laughter and take this practice seriously.

This exercise will help you express your thoughts coherently, logically and competently, not get confused in them, and also adjust your facial expressions and gestures. If you can’t have a conversation with furniture, then a pet would be an even better listener for this exercise. A dog or cat will always willingly listen to the stories of its owner.

Monologue in front of the mirror

Go to the mirror and start saying out loud the thoughts that come to your mind. Gradually try to connect them logically, consistently developing them to create an interesting story.

This exercise will help you understand how you look from the outside during a conversation, learn how to write coherent sentences and establish contact with yourself. It is enough to exercise for 10 minutes 2 – 3 times a week.

Retelling

Surely you have a favorite blog or site that you read every day - for example, the “In Your Home” blog. This will be very useful when performing this exercise. After reading another article, try to retell it as closely as possible in terms of meaning and logic of construction. If the article is very long, then retell it gradually, in 3-4 paragraphs.

This exercise develops the skill of thinking and speaking at the same time. Thanks to it, your speech will become more coherent and meaningful. To achieve good results, you need to exercise daily.

Development of someone else's thought

The exercise begins by turning on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and continue his thought for the next 30 seconds.

This training develops mental flexibility and teaches you to find non-standard solutions. Exercise 10 minutes a day and you will be pleasantly surprised by the results.

5 strangers

The best training for developing communication skills is communication itself. Train yourself to start a casual conversation with five strangers every day. Not less! These could be random passers-by, from whom you can ask the time or clarify the route, a consultant in a store, to whom you turn for advice on choosing a product... In general, there should be no problems with finding strangers. They surround us literally everywhere. You just need to leave the house.

To practice your speaking technique, I recommend you watch this interesting video: