How to learn to communicate with men: advice from a psychologist

June 19, 2019
Psychology of communication
Angelica Braldi

How to learn to communicate with men? This issue worries not only young girls, it is also relevant for middle-aged women. Why is this topic so interesting? It’s not difficult to attract a man’s attention, especially for those who are young and confident, but how to keep him? What to talk about? What to interest? If, as a rule, there are no difficulties in communication with peers, then in relationships with an older man they appear very often.

Women who have been married for many years, oddly enough, also face this problem. One not particularly wonderful morning, they wake up with the thought that they have absolutely nothing to talk about with their spouse.

The question of how a woman can communicate correctly with a man is also of interest to those ladies who often have to deal with representatives of the stronger sex due to their official duties. What if you have to host your loved one’s friends? How to talk to them? How to behave? After all, you want to make a good impression.

Psychology has been studying the question of how to properly communicate with men for a very long time. Even before the advent of psychologists, philosophers and thinkers, writers, and poets dealt with this issue. Accordingly, a lot of knowledge has accumulated, which formed the basis of various psychological techniques that allow women to properly structure their communication with representatives of the stronger sex.

What should you forget about once and for all?

The phrase: “I don’t know how to communicate with men” is a taboo. You can’t just say that, you shouldn’t even think in that way. Of course, you need to be able to admit your shortcomings and be aware of your problems. But not in this case and not in this formulation.

Firstly, a thought has the ability to materialize, and even when expressed out loud it is a judgment. Thinking in this way, a woman lowers her own self-esteem, gains self-doubt and aggravates the difficulties that arise when communicating with representatives of the stronger sex. There is no need to brand yourself, because loss of confidence deprives you of attractiveness. It is better to utter utter nonsense with a royal posture and a raised chin than to discuss topics that are relevant and interesting to a man with drooping shoulders and an ingratiating, questioning gaze.

“I don’t know how to communicate with men - what should I do?” - this is not about a woman. This is about a “gray stocking” who doesn’t notice anything around him except the pages of encyclopedias, statistical indicators of economic growth or something similar.

Starting with such a statement is unlikely to make tangible progress. Successful communication between representatives of different sexes is based on flirtation, coquetry, ease and naturalness. You can’t approach it as a lesson that needs to be memorized and answered “excellent” at the board. There are no strict rules and restrictions; the correct manner of communication does not need to be learned, but felt intuitively. And in intuition and feelings, every woman is an expert from birth. But even the most experienced expert sometimes needs a couple of tips that will help him correctly assess the situation and achieve the desired result.

How to talk correctly with the man you love

Everyone knows that in a relationship the leading role goes to the woman. To build an eternal union, you need to approach it wisely. At my personal consultation you will learn about all the secrets of communicating with your chosen one. Let me give you some of them:

Politeness and delicacy are the basic rules for any woman. Already at the first stage, you should take them as a basis, listen to what he says, and confirm interest with facial expressions or words.
Does your partner have hobbies? Don't forbid him to spend time on them. After all, personal space is important for every person. Even if you want to spend all day long with him, try to curb this desire. Interaction with a guy should be measured, and then you are unlikely to get bored.
Realize that in life together there are not only positive and negative moments. Everyday life and “gray” everyday life also happen, so try to diversify your relationships.
Joint activities only bring us closer together. Therefore, put aside your shyness and ask your chosen one for help: let him feel reliable.

Small tricks - big results

How to learn to communicate with men? It’s very simple: you need to learn from the stronger sex. Of course, you don’t need to approach the man you like with a notebook and pencil, ready to take notes on a lecture on the art of communication.

You need to be more cunning and simply observe both the stronger sex in general and the person you like. You need to notice everything - demeanor, reactions, gestures, facial expressions, taste preferences, volume of speech. There are no insignificant trifles, when a person behaves naturally, he completely opens up, like a book, all that remains is to read it and draw conclusions.

The ability to observe, notice and analyze is the first female trick.

You should not approach a man and start a conversation with him. Everyone knows about this, although modern emancipated young ladies usually do not agree with this rule. What to do? You need to create an accident, thanks to which a man will have no choice but to meet and start communicating with a woman. The highest aerobatics is to create a situation in which a representative of the stronger sex feels like a knight on a white horse. How to do it? There are no limits to your imagination. You can accidentally trip on the escalator next to him or “bump into” a person in a cafe.

Creating situations is the second female trick.

But how to communicate with a man correctly? The answer is paradoxical: this must be done silently. Of course, you shouldn’t be silent in the literal sense of the word, but you need to make sure that the man speaks. You shouldn’t be sure that women’s chatter delights the stronger sex. You should not conduct a monologue, but skillfully manage the dialogue, filling pauses and asking leading questions that stimulate men's stories. Of course, you need to listen carefully: sometimes representatives of the stronger sex can be frank and give out a lot of useful information about themselves.

The ability to remain silent and listen is the third female trick.

If a woman makes them her habit, then she will never have questions about how to learn to communicate with men.

Speed up your learning process!

Focus on developing your communication skills. To begin with, try to express your thoughts briefly and give the interlocutor the opportunity to speak out. Make sure you don't overwhelm others in the conversation.

To learn how to express yourself better, pay attention to how television talk show hosts interact with their guests and viewers in the studio. Watch their facial expressions, gestures, glances, and postures. Watch how these experienced communicators adjust the pace of their speech and the pitch of their voices to capture the full attention of the audience.

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself, and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about you. Lisa Kirk, American singer and musical comedy actress (1925–1990)

If we embrace other people's experiences and strive to develop, we can become a good communicator in a short period of time. Start improving your communication skills immediately!

Conclusion. You are unlucky in love when you are considered a bad conversationalist. But if you learn to have easy and relaxed conversations, “tune in to the wavelength” of a possible partner, you will definitely be lucky in love.

Features of male psychology

Who are men at their core? On the one hand, each of them considers himself an alpha male and a breadwinner, a hunter, and on the other, they are all big children. Of course, this is a very exaggerated assessment of the characteristics inherent in the psychology of the stronger sex. Each man is a unique personality, with his own inner world. However, to build communication tactics, highlighting and taking into account stereotypical features is quite enough.

How to learn to communicate with men, because they are so different from women? No difficulties will arise in this if you do not forget that the woman is not a friend, but a “male”, “hunter”, “child”.

How does this affect communication? Men are comfortable and interested in the woman who makes them feel significant. How can this be achieved in practice? It is necessary to structure conversations in such a way that a man feels like a leader, while constantly fighting for the elusive attention of a woman and having the opportunity to show off his “toys.”

Consider that men have "attention deficit disorder"

Many women complain that they are surrounded by men who either do not listen attentively or prefer not to engage in long conversations at all. Often such women mistakenly believe that the problem lies with the man. By placing all the blame on the opposite sex, women absolutely do not take into account the influence they themselves have on the communication process. Just as tango requires two partners, a conversation must involve two.

If a woman communicates freely with her friends, then to get an equally pleasant result when talking with men, you need to make a little more effort. To easily communicate with the opposite sex, you need to bridge the gap of mutual misunderstanding. This is possible if you are able to understand the peculiarities of the perception of another.

It is impossible to forget a conversation between two people when the memories of it are pleasant to both, when it flows like music and captivates like sex. It has a rhythm and a predictability that everyone looks forward to and enjoys. Jessamyn West, American writer, author of The Land of Ruthless Loneliness (1984)

Therefore, in order to encourage a man to listen and willingly participate in the conversation, a wise woman must communicate with him “on the same wavelength.” Even if not all men are the same, there are still some universal rules of communication that are suitable for both shy people who are speechless and those who like to talk.

How to communicate on the Internet?

How to communicate with a man on dating sites, social networks, online games, on thematic forums? This question is extremely important these days. The Internet gives women the opportunity to find love or simply meet an interesting interlocutor far from home or work.

The basic rules of communication in the virtual space are no different from building a conversation in real life. But, of course, there are also some nuances. First, you should forget about generalizations. If in real life the phrase “about nothing” is supplemented by body language, facial expressions, gestures and is a stimulus for fantasy and arousing interest, then in the virtual space it acts exactly the opposite.

The lack of specifics leads, firstly, to a loss of interest of a particular interlocutor, and secondly, to an expansion of the audience. For example, if a woman’s page does not indicate her age, then both “ancient elders” and teenagers will write to her. If there is no good, clear photograph, both “lovers” of fat women and those who care about the numbers on the scale will begin to worry about her. In the absence of information about habits, fans of a healthy lifestyle and those who spend their evenings in billiard rooms will turn to them for a glass of beer.

What's bad about it? The only thing is that with an abundance of options, most of which are not of interest, the woman loses her “target audience.”

The conversation itself is structured the same way as in life. A man needs to be listened to, approved of his thoughts, laughed at his jokes, admired in moderation and, of course, shown interest in his “toys.” It is the achievements and hobbies of men that are the main topics for communication in the virtual space. Only by telling “about his beloved self” will he not lose interest in communication and will want to transfer it to real life.

What is important to consider when communicating by correspondence

Virtual communication is gaining popularity every day and is of increasing interest among young people. Most dating takes place on social networks, so you need to know how to interest a man through correspondence so that he wants to meet in real life.

It’s much easier to communicate online, because there you can not respond immediately or ignore a message you don’t like. There is a special table that shows how to properly talk to a man online in order to arouse his interest:

Wait for the man to write first. Only after 6-7 days of communication can you send a message yourself once. You should feel and see that the man is also bored and is not indifferent to you.
Do not rush to immediately respond to your interlocutor’s messages so that he does not think that you are waiting for them. In the first days of communication on social media. networks you need to maintain a little indifference, this will attract the partner’s attention even more.
Reply to messages in simple language, no need to use memorized phrases from the Internet.
Guys don't understand depression and bad mood. Even if you are in a bad mood, you should not tell your interlocutor about it. This will only worsen his opinion of you. Be positive and then the young man will be happy to write messages to you.
Forget about short replies to messages if you really care about a man. Answer in such a way that you want to continue the conversation.
Men don't like reproaches. To interest him, avoid such manifestations, because correspondence does not oblige you to anything, so you don’t need to demand anything from the guy.

Girls should always know how to communicate with men correctly in order to push them to take decisive action. Guys sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings due to insecurity.

If a girl wants to correct the situation, she must take personal control of it. Here it is important to learn how to clearly explain to a man that it is time to move to a new level of communication and start dating in life.

Should we talk about children and marriage?

A similar question often arises among those who want to understand how to communicate with a man in order to start a family. On the one hand, I want to indicate my own serious attitude towards “true values” and evoke respect from a representative of the stronger sex, but on the other hand, won’t he run away?

Of course, all people are different. If the acquaintance initially took place with the goal of starting a family, it is possible that children need to be talked about. However, it is better not to do this. A man by his psychological nature is a hunter. Listening to the interlocutor describe a house with a white fence, a couple of cheerful kids and a golden Labrador on the lawn by the porch, he will not be touched at all. Intuitively, a representative of the stronger sex will feel that he is being “driven into a trap”, that it is not he who is being “hunted”, but him. And this will cause a strong negative emotional outburst, the man will become very uncomfortable, and he will stop communicating.

And a little about secrets

To understand how to talk to a man when meeting a man or communicating for the first time on social networks, you need to familiarize yourself with the advice of psychologists:

Be sincere and friendly.
Do not respond to stasis to his messages, wait at least 5 minutes.
Always be yourself.
Don't make demands on your interlocutor.

Men immediately sense sincere and honest girls. If over the course of several days of communication the interlocutor’s interest in you has not disappeared, then you can hope that getting to know him will lead to the development of a relationship.

How to react if a man himself starts talking about children and marriage?

What to do if a man is interested in such topics? Laugh it off? Ignore? In no case. The representative of the stronger sex did not just start asking questions; the woman’s attitude to the topics of family and marriage is important to him.

But his curiosity is of a general nature; with his questions he does not call you down the aisle and does not invite you to start arranging the nursery. There is no need to describe your love for children and talk about your passionate desire to have them. Suffice it to say that sometimes such thoughts come to mind, but when and how exactly they will come true is a question. With this turn of the conversation, the man’s hunting passion will be stimulated, and not suppressed.

However, you need to understand that communication between a woman and a man does not have clear rules, patterns or stereotypes. If you have an intuitive feeling that something should be said or done, there is no need to suppress it just because psychologists do not recommend doing so.

What is a light person?

If you take an easy person as a whole and consider what he is like. So, here you can also highlight key characteristics and list them.

1. Acceptance of yourself with your feelings, emotions, appearance

2. Acceptance of life events. Although this does not strike the eye as having a very expensive car, which is immediately visible.

A person who accepts his life, as they say, does not argue with it. And accepts reality as it is.

Why? Because when a person does not accept reality, he is filled with resentment and irritation. It seems to him that everything should be different. People need to behave differently. Events should happen differently. People close to you should treat you differently. And, accordingly, if this is not so, then the person becomes very heavy. He is like a vessel with negativity. And, of course, it is very difficult to communicate with such a person.

In the language of psychology, such a person is called a Victim, or the opposite - Tyrant, Abuser. In the language of esotericism, such a person is called a vampire. In especially severe cases, in the language of psychiatry - a psychopath. And the psychiatrist would have found that he had mental disorders.

Whatever you call it, inside such a person there is always acute dissatisfaction with what is happening. And he is very difficult in relationships. And it's not just heavy - it can destroy almost anyone with whom it comes into close contact. Therefore, the opposite of him is an easy person. This is the one who, either from childhood, can accept reality as it is. Or, he simply learned not to argue with life.

As in the joke about Master Shifu:
Panda came to master Shifu and asked:
Master Shifu, how do you manage to get a lot done and be optimistic about everything?
“And I just don’t argue with anyone.”
- But this is impossible!
- Well, it’s impossible, it’s so impossible...

3. In addition, he is an easy-going person - he is easy-going.

He is older: how to build relationships

How to learn to communicate with an older man? This is a very difficult question with no concrete answer. You need to start from a certain situation. Firstly, it is important to know what age difference we are talking about. If there are 15-20 years between a woman and a man, then communication is based on general principles, there are no peculiarities in it.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. How to understand it?

It is a mistake to believe that a man differs from a woman only in physiology. Our purpose, functions, and views on life also often do not agree. And if you want to build a normal relationship, you should know several features of male psychology.

He's in charge. Just think about what you are looking for in a relationship? You want a reliable man nearby who will provide you financially, protect you, and make important decisions. And what feminine qualities does he look for in you? Tenderness, support, care, understanding. And he doesn't get it. Because instead of giving him the reins, you begin to pull the blanket over yourself. You are trying to prove your dominance, to control it. Naturally, a normal man doesn’t like this. There is a conflict between you.

He has a different type of thinking. Men do not perceive hints and understatements. Not because they don’t want to, no! Their brains are just wired differently. Therefore, do not rush to reproach him, saying, “You don’t hear me and don’t understand me.” Maybe you're just not speaking clearly? For a man, “You know, we haven’t been on vacation for so long” and “I really want to go on vacation, I’m so tired. Please buy tickets” – these are two big differences. In the first case, these are your arguments, which can be ignored. In the second - a specific request with justification

Women have more developed abstract thinking, so they attach great importance to details. For men, facts and specifics are more important. If you ask a man to describe, for example, a dress in a window, do you know what the difference will be?

Oh, it's fitted, with a floral pattern, knee length. It suits my figure exactly. And another 100,500 words per minute.
This dress. White and green, costs $500. All.

He is less emotional. And you often perceive his unemotionality as indifference. Scientists have proven that in a conversation a woman uses two hemispheres of her brain at once. Men are only one thing. Therefore, it is difficult for them to analyze something and at the same time demonstrate emotions. They constantly switch from rationality to feelings and vice versa.

In addition, from childhood, the boy is instilled with the program “A real man does not cry” - that is, he does not show his feelings. And he will follow it all his life. So don’t expect your partner to start being moved by cats and your childhood photos. It won't start! And that's okay, accept it.

Selective memory. The male brain is very similar to a computer: important information lies on the desktop, less important information is deleted. This is why guys often forget what your favorite color is or how many years you've known it. Do you think this is a minus? But the man does not remember and does not accumulate resentment. And the woman, who seems to have already cried and forgiven, remembers her partner’s “sins” at every opportunity.

Multitasking. Did you remember what I said about hemispheres? A man cannot perform several actions of different nature at the same time. That is, if he is reading something or watching football, he may not actually hear you. And he’s not silent because he’s ignoring you. A woman can perfectly cook dinner, talk on the phone with a friend and paint her nails at the same time. And believe me, we admire your abilities.

How to learn to communicate with men when dating?

It often happens that a woman does not experience any problems when communicating with men, but gets lost the moment she meets a handsome representative of the stronger sex. For example, he may start chatting incessantly and constantly giggle, or be overly rude, cynical, and harsh.

This is a manifestation of excitement. An adult, intelligent and experienced man understands perfectly well that such behavior is generally unusual for a girl, and simply waits it out. But not all men at the moment of meeting are ready to think about whether a woman is really so eccentric or not. And many of them are not at all confident in their own irresistibility, and therefore cannot imagine that they are causing excitement and confusion.

What to do? How can you cope with yourself and not do something stupid? You need to talk less and listen more. You should ask questions, not “read monologues.” But of course, when you ask about something, you need to listen carefully to the answer. It is also important not to abuse alcohol. Alcohol is liberating, but it also contributes to a loss of control.

The only difficulty that actually arises when communicating at the initial stage is your own anxiety. This is what needs to be dealt with. There are no templates for how to conduct a conversation.

Communication

Nature has endowed representatives of the two gender groups with completely different attitudes and views on the surrounding reality. That is why, in order to understand what your chosen one is thinking or feeling, it is necessary to delve into the analysis of the level of instincts.

Guys try to take the pedestal, win the hearts of girls and feed their families. The ability to holistically understand the structure of the world helps to cope with these tasks. Their concentration on the goal is so strong that they filter out other information that is superfluous.

In addition, guys do not have the ability to flexibly perceive reality, as women do. Therefore, the main rule in the psychology of communicating with men is not to make hints, not to take words out of their context and not to rely on emotions and feelings.

I recommend directly expressing your opinions and desires. It is necessary to touch on one priority topic so that the gentleman can fully concentrate on it.

The most effective conversation will be one that is addressed to the mind and not to feelings. It will be easier to guide your chosen one to the right decision if he sees rationality in it.

The importance of first impressions. Practical advice

Many famous psychologists, such as Dale Carnegie, emphasize the importance of first impressions. You shouldn’t neglect their advice when meeting a man.

If a woman is worried, she needs:

smile, sincerely and a little mysteriously, but by no means constantly;
speak not too loudly, so that the man can hear without straining;
look into the eyes of the interlocutor, and not to the side or down;
do not violate personal spatial boundaries;
talk less about yourself and listen more;
interrupt the meeting first, citing some circumstance and expressing regret about ending the meeting.

These are very simple and effective ways that will help not only cope with internal tremors, but also leave a lasting impression on yourself. After spending an evening with a woman who behaves this way, a man will begin to miss her even before she has time to fall asleep.

Is it easy to be like everyone else?

What if you try to be like everyone else? Will this bring us closer to becoming a lightweight person? For communication, for relationships. Here you can look at it from both sides - both from the side of uniqueness and from the side of the desire not to stand out.

That is, on the one hand, when you are too unique, unlike others, you behave very strangely and incomprehensible to people. Of course, you won’t be an easy person for them. They simply will not understand you due to their own limitations.

Because people - they tend to try to compare other people's experiences with their own. See how close and understandable someone else’s experience is to them. And it will be understandable and close to them if they have experienced this themselves. And the closer and clearer your experience is, and, accordingly, your behavior and external attributes, the easier it will be for people to find a common language with you. And the easier it will be for them.

How to learn to communicate correctly with male colleagues?

This question is very sensitive. It’s a rare woman who doesn’t sigh, looking with envy at how another easily builds a career or shifts the fulfillment of her responsibilities to men.

Communication with colleagues involves two main options:

"your boyfriend";
"beautiful woman".

The first option implies adherence to the principles of gender equality and completely excludes the perception by men of an employee as a woman. They see her as a colleague and friend with whom they can gossip, run to lunch, go to the bar after the end of the working day. If a woman is treated like this, there is no need to expect men to open doors, pay bills or help with anything.

Another option for building relationships is based on flirting. The woman who follows him should show her helplessness, admire the successes of her colleagues, give compliments, emphasize their masculinity, strength, and intelligence. This line of behavior evokes a “knightly reflex.” I want to help a woman like this. But there are also disadvantages to positioning yourself this way - envy and anger on the part of female colleagues, an abundance of gossip and the likelihood that some of the men will decide that they can go beyond flirting.

So how to communicate correctly with colleagues? The way it's convenient. Unfortunately, it is impossible to combine both options for building relationships with men at work. However, when choosing the “beautiful woman” type of behavior, it is important not to get too carried away and forget that those around you are colleagues, and not potential suitors.

Rules for communicating with a man or guy

What to pay attention to during dialogue

Having started a dialogue with a woman, of course, most men begin to evaluate her appearance, as well as the way she presents herself. In general, in a few minutes you can already get some impression of a person’s literacy, culture, and education.

Any girl should analyze her diction, clarity of pronunciation of phrases, vocabulary, and so on. If you feel that you have problems here, then it would be a good idea to read articles on this topic, visit or watch online trainings on improving oratory skills and working on diction.

Also, you probably understand that obscene words do not make any woman beautiful. Perhaps, in their early youth, due to inexperience, girls think that this may look “cool,” but most of them eventually come to the realization that there is nothing attractive in such expressions.

Some women do not realize that their voice can irritate the interlocutor - we are talking about high tones. If you notice that such cases have happened to you, then consciously lower your voice, speak calmly and softly.

In addition, it will not be superfluous to ensure that there are no filler words in your speech. Build phrases correctly and avoid slang.

How to behave with a guy, where to start communicating

Start communication with a smile! Having started a dialogue with you, let the guy see that you are inclined to talk, that you enjoy communicating with him - do not force him to seek an approach to you. Of course, the easiest way to show your positive attitude and disposition is with a soft smile. Be relaxed and positive.

What topics should you avoid?

You should not tell the guy in detail about your personal troubles - you can mention this in passing, if the problem is truly global. If the young man is interested, he will ask for details, but even in this situation there is no need to “get carried away” and completely move on to this topic, so that the interlocutor does not regret asking you some question.

There is also no need to remember your past romances and former lovers. You can talk about this when your relationship is already quite serious, but now, even if the guy asks, then tell only in general terms about the past. For example, say: “We broke up because he cheated,” and then move on to another topic.

Let your conversation be light and pleasant, and this will eliminate grumbling about unwanted relatives and family problems. You shouldn’t spend half an hour delving into a story about how dishonest your aunt (or sister, or mother, or anyone else) is, and how vilely she acts towards her loved ones. Such revelations are unlikely to add interest to you from a man.

What to talk about with a guy on a walk?

Below are examples of topics you can talk about with a guy to make him interested in you.

About outdoor recreation with friends.
About his hobbies.
About his friends and the jokes between them.
About cafes and places where delicious food is prepared .
About childhood. No matter how serious a man is, he is a child. Any woman knows this. Therefore, talk about his childhood: where he lived, who he was friends with, whether he went swimming with friends in the river, lake, mountains, caves, where and how he studied, what kind of teachers were at school. In short, remember your childhood and ask the same thing. Make him remember the coolest moments from his childhood.
About fishing and hunting. If he is a fan of this business.
Which cinema is better? When was the last time he was there, what did he watch? What about the theater?

Topics that work 100% and a man will be interested in you are highlighted in bold. The coolest thing is that you don’t even need to prepare for a conversation. Because he will tell you everything himself. Try to complement his story with bright colors and then the good impression of you will only intensify.

Bright colors:

Wow, cool, I want that too.
Great, what you say is so interesting.
Can't be! Let's do this together later too.

If he doesn’t talk much, then tell him about your childhood or hobbies. Then your man or boyfriend (you know best) will definitely remember interesting moments from his life and tell you about them.

How to become light: 4 components

How to become an easy person? At first glance, it seems that easy people are such a Gift of God to them. They were “born this way.” To some extent, this is true. Lightness may be an innate characteristic of a certain type of nervous system. And specifically when:

- balance of excitation and inhibition processes in the nervous system. The more balanced these processes are, the easier it is for a person and the easier it is for him. Agree, it is difficult to be light if one thing predominates in your nervous system - excitation or inhibition. Such a characteristic as fatigue of the nervous system is also important. There are people who are naturally tired - they get tired faster than others. And this depends on the ability of the nervous system to withstand prolonged stress.

- emotionality. Processes of emotionality can be from birth with a predominance of +++ emotions or with a predominance of - emotions.

At a second, more careful glance, the truth is revealed: you can become light if you analyze in detail and carefully the components of the lightness of being and “try them on, put them on yourself.” And then the question “how to become a light person” will be resolved positively EVEN for all those to whom nature did not initially give a more successful nervous system.

I want to be an easy person! First component

This is the first thing to do.

Create an intention for yourself. WANT to be easy.

At the same time, understand why you need it. After all, the motivation that is clear to you and ignites you will move the process of gaining lightness and cheerfulness forward.

Tell yourself firmly, “I want to be light!” And this will give me:

- the opportunity to live your life happier
-the ability to build smooth, loving relationships that I will have for the rest of my life
-I will be in demand among friends, I will have many useful, inspiring social connections
-also, I will be able to build a more successful career and, therefore, earn more money. And that means having everything you want

Become and be an easy-going person. Second component

“I want to be as light as the wind!” - you say to yourself. But, if you are still sitting at home in front of your computer (TV, phone), then it’s time to become an easy-going person. And this includes 2 factors:

1. The desire to move.

This is not so much a psychological as a physical desire. It is due to the fact that you are not lazy. Do physical exercise regularly.

You've probably heard examples of stories about people who radically changed their lives by starting to play sports. Why? Because sport turns your very NOT ready to move and changes it into readiness to move. Agree, it is impossible to be as light as the wind, to be an easy-going person without an acceptable physical shape.

2. Desire, thirst for impressions.

Openness to new experiences is a sign of psychologically healthy people. After all, life is a series of impressions. The desire to live = the desire for new experiences.

Look around: the world is so diverse! We are surrounded by thousands, millions of opportunities to diversify our dull existence. You just have to want it.

Become cheerful, be a positive person. Third component

It is possible to become light, positive and cheerful. By making a conscious decision:

Look for reasons, reasons for pleasure and joy in your life. Cultivate pleasant things in your life.

Remember the parable about brown and blue?

About how How a student asked his teacher: “Please tell me why I am always in a bad mood and why everything is sad around me?”
The teacher responded by telling him to carefully look at the room they were in and remember all the brown objects. Then, leaving the room, he asked the student to list blue objects.
To which he was very surprised: “But you told me to remember brown??”
The teacher replied: “That’s why you’re in a bad mood all the time - you focused your attention on brown, dull things. The secret of lightness, cheerfulness and positivity is to focus your attention on the pleasant, joyful, good!”

How to be easy in life - to be kind, and always young. Fourth component

Being easy in life also means being a kind person and young. Even with age, despite the wrinkles and general decline of the body, you can easily be a kind person, and easily be a young person. Believe me! The point, again, is in certain actions and the right approach:

“Once upon a time there was a dark period in my life. This was the period after the divorce. I was overcome by depression. And I only had enough strength to somehow go to work that I was tired of. And then lie there and suffer.
I once read an article in which a psychologist gave a recipe for bringing yourself back to life: becoming kinder to the world. Do small acts of kindness every day. Not for the sake of gratitude. For your own sake. I tried it, and the result really inspired and surprised me.
It is worth consciously saying a kind word to someone. Smile. Help with something. How life begins to change in amazing ways.
The period of depression after the divorce has long passed. I'm in a new, happy relationship. But I didn’t give up that habit. Being kind is easy. And this is necessary. Not for the sake of gratitude. For your own sake."
AND FURTHER:
“Youth is in the heart and soul. They talk about this all the time. But you only understand this after you’ve crossed half of your life. And you make a choice: either you are young, or you slide further and degrade. I chose to be young. For example, I took Lloyd Kahn, who is over 80. But he is young, rides a skateboard. That's where the easy man is! When I’m 80, I want to be just as young and nimble.”

How to interest a man?

Did you know that it is not recommended to spend your first date at the cinema, theater, rock concert and similar places? This advice is explained quite simply: all these “events” do not allow people to communicate well.

But this is exactly what two strangers need - to get to know each other. A lot depends on how the first dialogue goes.

The art of proper communication

What does a girl need to remember when she comes to her first meeting with a young man?

The beginning of the dialogue should occur with a compliment following the greeting. It doesn’t matter what exactly you notice in a man: his impeccable suit, pleasant perfume or anything else. Praise will make you fall in love with you. Everyone without exception likes compliments addressed to them.
Some ladies think that in order to win a man you need to give him something. You should not go too far in this matter. Of course, if you have a strong desire to give a gift, you can give some funny trinket. But in our time, everything remains as before: it’s right when a young man gives flowers to a girl, and in return she gives a maximum of a smile and positive emotions.
When meeting a man, you need to talk calmly and kindly. Initially, you need to set yourself up for a date as if it were the best moment of your life. If a young man is adequate, he himself will not show negativity and aggression. Only with a positive attitude can you have a chance that the relationship will develop in the future. Some ladies like to come to meet men in the guise of Princess Nesmeyana or the Snow Queen. A serious look, indicating that a girl is unapproachable, does not give a man a chance to communicate calmly and discuss all the topics that are important to him.
You need to be sincerely interested in the young man. But communication should not feel like an interrogation. Nobody likes to answer questions asked about everything without a break. You can, for example, behave like this: ask a question; listen carefully to the interlocutor, looking into his eyes and smiling, if appropriate, when the person answers; you unobtrusively clarify something without interrupting; express your opinion.
Many are sure: men love it when a woman has a mystery. This doesn't mean you have to sit there sullenly and say nothing at all. The conversation should flow smoothly and naturally. You can avoid answering some questions, but in some cases it is acceptable to intrigue. Moreover, everything must be done skillfully in order to really please a man, and not push him away with his absolute closedness.
Young people don’t like it when a woman turns a conversation into a long story about herself and her life. There are girls who really love to talk. They can start with a funny story from their childhood, jump to their student years, and along the way remember what a wonderful relationship she had with her aunt, who passed on to another world. A tongue without bones is not an indicator of intelligence. This situation, as a rule, does not relax the young man, but stresses him out: he cannot speak to his interlocutor, he cannot get a word in, and it is inconvenient to interrupt. We have to wait for the woman to speak out and tell everything about topics that interest her. In such a situation, relationships do not develop at all.
It can be very difficult to find common topics of conversation. It is a great success if a man and a woman have the same interests and hobbies that unite them. If there are no common interests, there is no need to despair. For example, the topic of football is of interest to most young people, but few women. At the first stage, it is important that people can build at least some kind of dialogue and establish mutual understanding. It's good if everyone can keep the conversation going by asking relevant questions and expressing their opinions. You can talk about topics that are understandable to both men and women. But the most important thing at the stage of the first meeting is to get to know each other better in order to understand what kind of person is in front of you.

On the first date, you can already determine whether the potential couple is able to get along with each other, whether people gradually become loved and loving.

Much depends on the girl's behavior.

If she has a positive attitude, speaks measuredly and to the point, and answers questions competently, most likely, the young man, who has already managed to appreciate external beauty, will be satisfied with her inner world.

What you shouldn't ask on a first date

The following topics do not need to be covered:

income level of the young person. Firstly, he may begin to feel shy, and communication will reach a dead end. Secondly, it may seem that the girl wants to meet you only for selfish purposes. In general, it is better not to touch upon material issues: money, cars, apartments and dachas, which a man has or does not have. The exception is that the young man himself began to boast about what he had managed to earn and acquire. Then you can carry on the conversation;
past relationships. The man is very confused by the question of why he is alone now. It can be interpreted incorrectly: “You are such an attractive and sociable guy, but for some reason you don’t have a girlfriend. There must be something wrong with you." Past relationships should not be a subject of discussion at all until the man himself wants to talk about it. And a confident girl shouldn’t care who came before her. It's not very important. You will be the best, right?

Men, unlike women, are not afraid of questions about age. It is not customary to ask girls about their year of birth. Many young people, on the contrary, are proud that they have lived for many years, accumulated a lot of experience, etc.

We continue to like you

Building a relationship in one date is an almost impossible task. You can only achieve the first positive reviews and likes, leaving a pleasant impression of communication. You also need to competently continue your relationship with a man so that he understands: he has found the woman with whom he can live his whole life.

And at this stage there are also a lot of secrets and tricks:

A girl should not demand anything: gifts, signs of attention, any actions. You just need to ask. You can control a man, but do it gently and carefully every time: without orders, scandals and hysterics. Otherwise, you can lose the man. He will disappear and you will never see him again.
Don’t “fill” a young man’s every day with just yourself. Everyone wants to build love while maintaining the right to personal freedom. This does not mean that a man in a relationship can sleep with whomever he wants. But we’ll give you very valuable advice - letting your loved one go “out”: sometimes it’s worth going fishing, playing football, or going to a bar with friends. He, like you, should live life to the fullest and not give up on his harmless hobbies.
Any young man expects support from a girl. It can be expressed not only in actions, but also in good advice. For example, it is always nice to hear words of approval from your beloved, to feel care and affection. The list of “pleasants” for a young man is different for everyone. Sometimes you need to act as a mother. Even the most brutal men are big children.

In general, if possible, avoid quarrels, scandals and hysterics. There is always room for compromise in life. If your husband doesn’t want to go to a restaurant, go with a friend. And let him relax with his friends fishing. This is the only way to continue a relationship long enough. Ideally - all your life.

What to talk about with a stranger

Strangers are often intimidating: you want to come up, say hello, strike up a conversation - but how? There is reason for timidity, but there are also trump cards. If a girl initiates the first conversation when meeting, she receives maximum attention from the guy.

These days, despite all the efforts of feminism and the desire for equality, it is still something amazing. For guys, the ability to meet a girl on the street is an indicator of coolness. They have an established opinion that only the most dashing and confident guys who cannot be embarrassed can do this.
Girls, on the other hand, do not take this ability seriously: it may speak of courage, but it is unlikely to be considered an important trait or considered something like a developed superpower. You will get his full attention and keep him interested no matter what you say. This is a fun game: even if the first line is something strange and out of place, the guy will answer and continue the conversation out of surprise.
And most likely you will seem not like a girl who failed the acquaintance, but rather unusual or mysterious. That is, even a mistake will be beneficial - and this is incredibly convenient. You will have to pull topics for conversation out of thin air: if the situation is unfolding in a public place, observe what the guy is doing and say something about it. If you need to meet a guy online, we suggest what is best to write - here. If there is no reason, say something about the guy himself or ask about him or anything else.

But it’s better to be on the safe side: here are a few topics for conversation with a stranger or a guy you barely know.

Hobbies. Questions like “What are your hobbies?”, “What do you usually do in your free time?”, “Do you have a hobby?” are suitable questions.
Hedonism. Usually - in terms of food. “What is your favorite dish?” “What dish would you like to try?” “What would you never eat?” “What food do you associate with childhood?” “What kind of cuisine do you like?”
Purchases. “Do you like shopping?” “Which stores do you usually dress in?” (here you can also praise the style), “Do you think online stores will eventually supplant regular ones?”
Family. Quite a personal topic, but you can approach it carefully. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" “Do you get along with your relatives?” “Do you have family traditions that everyone respects?” “Tell me about the relative with whom you have the best relationship.”
Pets. "You have a pet?" “Do you like cats or dogs more?” “Have you ever wanted to have a pet? If so, which one?” “Why does your cat have this particular nickname?” “What is the most unusual pet you have ever seen?”
Compliment + question. “You have a great figure. Do you play sports?”, “Wow, you are very smart, you probably read a lot. What kind of books do you like?", "What a quick fix you got with that thing. Perhaps you understand engineering?”
Favorite books and films. It’s a blissful topic that we can talk about for a long time - after all, everyone has them.

On the street

The street is the best place to meet on a casual occasion. Questions and compliments are great topics here.

Here are two of the most working examples:

Young man, you have a very beautiful scarf. The color matches the eyes perfectly.
Young man, won’t you help me get to Krasnoznamennaya? I seem to be lost and can’t figure out how to reach her.

If you feel confident enough, you can use some pick-up artist tool: ask to smile, say that this is a fateful meeting or something like that. Remember that you will have attention and interest in any case.

It’s convenient to meet guys on the street who walk dogs. His pet is the perfect first conversation topic. Praise the dog, ask about its breed, name, age, character. If you dare, offer to take a walk together sometime. Most likely, he will not refuse.

By correspondence

Dating by correspondence is safer: you don’t see your interlocutor, and everything is not felt so acutely. Again, girls text first much less often than guys, so even “Hey, you look really cute :)” would be a great start. Men so rarely receive attention from women first that they are always sensitive to it - no matter how it is expressed.

When the conversation starts, move on to one of these topics:

Interests and hobbies.
Discussion of profile details - activities, interests, favorite music, if you communicate via correspondence on VK. If it’s on a dating site, you can ask about it without being able to look in the corresponding blocks.
Travel - accomplished and desired
Outlook on life
Plans
Job
Attitude to various issues
Entertainment
Plans for the weekend
Cinema and books