How to learn to communicate with people and become an interesting conversationalist

In this article we will tell you:

Differences between communicating with people and speaking
Reasons for the inability to communicate with people
6 rules for communicating with people
8 exercises to learn how to communicate with people
Psychological techniques in communicating with people

How to learn to communicate with people, to be heard and to be able to listen are natural questions, because we all live in society and interact with each other. If a person is sociable and easily finds a common language with others, then his life is simple, he feels like a “fish in water.”

However, there are people who find it difficult to make contact. Don’t despair, as it is quite possible to develop effective communication skills. And in this article we have collected for you the most useful tips and effective recommendations in this regard.

Differences between communicating with people and speaking

Communication is an important element of every person's social life, so we need the right communication skills every day. But, unfortunately, for many, effective communication is the prerogative and the main component of the arsenal of business psychology. They are sure that “ordinary” people who have nothing to do with negotiating or attending important meetings do not need to learn something like this and, what’s worse, it makes no sense. Such reasoning is a huge mistake, which can later “cost” a lot.

Communication is an important element of our life. Thanks to the ability to competently express your thoughts, convey feelings, clearly convey your position, and also listen, you can achieve great success in your career, make friends, find support, build a strong partnership, and improve relationships within your family and marriage.

Experts are confident that most conflicts and disagreements in a person’s life, including personally (marriage and divorce), arise precisely because people do not know how to communicate and negotiate. How many people around the world suffer from loneliness and lack of love, just because they are afraid to talk to the one they like! That's why it's so important to learn how to communicate with people.

In general, one thing is clear - communication skills are necessary for each of us. And they are our chance, as well as the main tool for success and victories in all areas of life. Famous leaders and world politicians, diplomats and other important people certainly would not have been able to reach their “peaks” without being such bright and courageous, convincing speakers.

For example, Steve Jobs became so popular not only because of his innovative computer developments, but his ability to speak in public is what first attracted attention and the media to him, which is what made him so “special.” The legendary beauties from the past, depicted on the canvases of great artists, in fact do not amaze with their beauty at all. However, in memoirs and historical chronicles they are all known as ladies. Those who knew how to skillfully present themselves, as well as individuals who competently participated in conversations, could support any topic.

By the way, it is worth noting that the concept of “communicate” is not the same as “speaking”. Communication is a complex system that includes what we say and how we say it. And the second is much more significant, because the listener is primarily influenced by timbre, posture and gestures, and only then does the meaning of the words we speak reach him.

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And finally, our feelings and thoughts that we keep deep inside ourselves. They influence the listener's reaction. Thus, it evaluates and determines our communication skill as well as character.

What is the reason for our inability to speak? It's about fear, shyness, fear of making a mistake, expressing your opinion, seeming stupid. Also often the “root of evil” can be self-doubt, low self-esteem, problems with diction and appearance. The basis of all these problems is psychology, which helps to look for their origins from childhood.

After all, often in adulthood we forget many unpleasant moments that once upon a time became the “first bell” for the development of harmful emotions and self-doubt in us and which at the moment have a strong and, as a rule, negative impact on our lives and actions .

Big confusion

The fear of loneliness is one of the most powerful. It arises from a lot of confusion that often occurs in our minds. For many, the concepts of loneliness, isolation, and worthlessness are synonymous. Therefore, when left alone with ourselves, many of us feel rejected and useless.

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In fact, loneliness and isolation are completely different things. Loneliness is a natural state for each of us. We cannot merge with the world around us, become part of other people, we can only learn to build relationships with them. At the same time, each of us is unique, and no one except ourselves will be able to understand our own capabilities and desires, evaluate our strengths and weaknesses, and see our uniqueness. Therefore, it is not only not harmful for each person, but even necessary to remain alone from time to time.

However, most of us do not appreciate this state, believing that as soon as we find ourselves alone, the world disappears and life stops. To get rid of the fear of loneliness, you must first of all realize that if there is no one next to you now, this does not mean that you are thrown out of life and no one will come to your aid. Then it is important to understand whose support you need in a particular situation. After all, it often happens that not only relatives, but also people with similar interests, psychologists or social workers can rid a person of the fear of loneliness.

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How to find a common language with the older generation? Psychologist's advice

Reasons for the inability to communicate with people

The most common causes of communication problems include:

embarrassment, timidity;
low self-esteem;
fear of saying the wrong thing, of being stupid;
inability to express one's opinion;
problems with pronunciation and diction.

But the incentive for all this could be:

complexes, especially those “born” in childhood;
emotional turmoil
loneliness, social exclusion and degradation;
strict boundaries and restrictions in communication, most often set by parents in relation to peers.

All this must be carefully and time-consumingly eliminated and worked through with the help of a competent specialist. After all, these problems get worse every year, make a person withdrawn, unsociable, provoke in him the desire to hide, run away, and become invisible to others.

This will also be relevant for people who know how to carry on a conversation, but do not consider themselves a good or worthy interlocutor for others. For this purpose, a great variety of courses and trainings have been developed that can inspire and become an excellent basis for practice in reality.

Who to contact?

The first people we turn to to get rid of painful thoughts associated with loneliness are our loved ones. With age, many people develop the need to communicate with loved ones almost 24 hours a day. In this case, a person is often isolated from everyone except family members. Because of this, conflicts often arise. Relatives begin to consider the elderly person to be overly intrusive, and they are considered ungrateful. But, as they say, children are not a savings book, and attempts in old age to regain the time once spent raising a son or daughter inevitably lead to family quarrels.

The roots of the need to constantly be in the company of loved ones lie in the fear of death. “I will die and no one will even notice” is a thought that often haunts older people. Here you need to understand that relatives are not able to rid a person of this fear. In such a situation, the help of psychologists is important. Don't be afraid to contact psychological support services. This can be done by the elderly person himself and his loved ones. Only in this way can harmonious relationships in the family be built. Sometimes, in order to cope with fear, the appearance of a social worker in the life of an elderly person is enough. If someone comes on schedule to help with the housework or brings food, the fear of being alone before death recedes.

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Lack of communication in adults

In modern society, there is a stereotype that an adult does not have much need for communication. His life is enclosed in the circle of work - family - household responsibilities. This is not true, because a full life goes far beyond offices and apartments.

However, even at the work-home levels, the need for interaction with other people must be fully satisfied.

At work, a person communicates with colleagues. Look around - almost everyone you know is developing friendships in the workplace. You spend lunch breaks together, go shopping, drink coffee. Some people have contacts that go beyond their offices - people attend exhibitions, concerts together, walk with their children, and travel.

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It is impossible to imagine a family without live, constant communication. But today there are cases when spouses, while at home, communicate via instant messengers. It’s more convenient to write to a partner sitting in another room than to come up and talk in person. The internal connection is lost, communication is formalized. As a result, each family member experiences dissatisfaction and often begins to look for deeper connections on the outside.

There are also cases, especially among people who have lived with each other for a long time, as well as among parents with children, when contacts are limited to the questions “How are you,” “Go eat.” In such a situation, a lack of communication is manifested by negative traits - nagging, addiction, stress.

Lack of communication is a real scourge of our time. You can hide the fact that a person is experiencing problems, but they come to the surface through depression, anxiety, psychosomatic illnesses, and general dissatisfaction with life.

Heavy character

People with this problem also lack communication. If a person is too closed, has a pessimistic attitude, does not trust anyone and deliberately does not make contact, sooner or later a lack of communication will arise in his life. People are afraid to deal with incomprehensible, secretive personalities. It is enough to misbehave a few times and you will get the impression of an unbearable character. Introverts and phlegmatic people should try to have more contact with people; over time they will learn to do this correctly.

Recommendations for the elderly

Older people often complain about a lack of communication. They strive to communicate and are ready to do this around the clock, but relatives perceive this as an intrusiveness. Experts give important advice that will help solve all problems. You just need to create a circle of like-minded people. This will happen as soon as a person finds something to his liking. It is necessary to join a community of interests, attend social events, and come up with interesting joint activities with your neighbors.

The idea that a person is lonely is more than erroneous. If there is such a feeling, it means that he simply does not want to communicate with others. You need to understand yourself, understand the reasons for your melancholy and actively engage in battle with a pessimistic attitude. You just have to look around and a huge number of people will immediately respond and want to be nearby.

Keep communicating – even virtually

In the current situation, a huge number of people are facing serious stress or even depressive disorders, says Mikhail Kumov, a psychotherapist at Meditsina JSC.

“Constant worry can make people feel blue and depressed, especially if a person lives alone. During this time, people tend to resort to negative thoughts and question the meaning of their lives. The coronavirus pandemic could trigger a global mental health crisis, the UN says. Those most at risk are health care workers, older adults, teenagers, and people with mental disorders. During the pandemic, people more often began to experience emotional exhaustion, irritability, outbursts of anger, depression, feelings of loneliness, and complain of insomnia,” states the doctor.

Now, in difficult times for the whole world, it is very important to be in agreement and understanding with loved ones, because the support that relatives provide to each other is irreplaceable, Kumov emphasizes.

“Keep communicating, even virtually. Organize video conferences with friends, share your experiences, tell us how you spent your day, laugh. Spend a lot of time outdoors with your family and walk in parks. Regular rituals throughout the day will help you maintain your tone. These are some kind of bridges, crossing which a person switches from one thing to another. Such rituals will give a feeling of orderliness in life, its strength and stability. They can be listening to your favorite music or physical exercise, walking - do all this according to the schedule you have come up with and try to follow it. The main thing is to perform rituals at the same time every day. Move more. Give your body physical activity, dance to music TV shows, do exercises in the morning. If you spend a lot of time at the computer, do it standing, change your position more often,” the psychotherapist advises.

Purpose and background i

First, think again and confirm whether you really can’t build a dialogue with the opposite sex. Because in reality, everything may turn out to be much better than your modesty or perfectionism allows you to believe. Observe other people and compare their conversation patterns with yours - and draw conclusions based on the results of the comparison.

Now about the background - if you get acquainted with the goal of simply making a friend without any sexual contact or anything else - this is one thing. If you are looking for a girl “for a couple of sticks of tea” - that’s another matter. And if you crave a long and stable relationship - even the third. Moreover, in all three cases you will need to use very different approach methods, which will be discussed a little below.

“It’s scary to initiate communication”

It may be difficult for you to approach the person you are interested in and start communicating. You are afraid that your behavior will be perceived as inappropriate, unpleasant, or disturbing. Won't they ignore me, won't they turn me away? After all, next time it will be even more difficult to get closer and make an attempt.

These are completely normal experiences. Most people are scared and anxious to take the first step towards. This requires effort, courage, and a little bit of overcoming yourself. But there are ways to alleviate this condition.

First, choose people who seem least dangerous to you - usually in any team there are kind, sympathetic, pleasant interlocutors who do not try to humiliate others or put them in an awkward situation.

If such people have not yet come to your mind, take some time to observe - imagine that you are a spy or secret agent and you need to collect information about your team. You can even take notes.

Secondly, start with small steps - if you are anxious, do not break yourself and start a large-scale discussion in the cafeteria. Give someone you like a compliment about work or study. Next time, ask about something more personal. Gradually the relationship will begin.

"They don't understand me"

Perhaps you find it difficult to communicate because you do not find understanding with the people around you. For example, your interests seem strange or boring to them. And what interests these people, in turn, is not interesting to you.

There are also two approaches here.

The first is to look for communication based on interests. Thanks to the Internet, this has turned from a big problem into an adventure. It has become easy to find like-minded people in any corner of the world, in any language. Common interests sometimes unite people stronger than family ties.

The second is to refocus from intellect to emotions. Sharing information is just one component of communication. An equally important part is the emotional exchange, receiving positive feedback. “I’m here and you’re here, I’m good and you’re good, I notice you and you notice me.”

If in your life there is a lot of forced communication with people whose interests are alien to you, try to perceive the emotional message that is being conveyed to you. Whether a person is happy or upset, afraid of something or relaxed. “I see that you are happy with this purchase.” “You seem scared of this situation.” Such communication can be no less exciting.

In turn, you can also share your emotions, not just information. Tell us not about a specific concert of an underground and little-known band, but about the emotions you experienced at this concert. Emotions are what unites people from all walks of life.

How to “pick up” a girl for the evening 4

As a matter of fact, as soon as you get used to feeling confident in the previous case, making acquaintances one time will be noticeably easier. Moreover, if the only goal is sex, then a magical world of lies will open before you, where you will be free to “fill in” everything that your imagination and conscience allows you.

It goes without saying that you should only give her compliments and any flattery, no matter how frank it may be. There is also no doubt that you should approach a girl for this purpose in conditions that obviously allow you to abandon a number of formalities - in a bar, at a concert, in a nightclub. In such places, by investing a little in alcohol, which, by the way, will make not only her, but also you, cheeky, you can achieve noticeable results much faster.

Advice for young mothers

“There is not enough communication while on maternity leave, what should I do?” is a question that concerns almost all young mothers. Women face this problem immediately after childbirth or some time later. There is no need to dramatize the situation, because maternity leave allows you to get your baby back on his feet and return to his previous physical shape. To avoid getting bored, you need to take the advice of experts:

Don't try to be perfect. If the status has changed, this does not mean that responsibilities and excessive demands have increased. There is no need to try to do everything, you need to give yourself time to recuperate after childbirth.
Don't focus solely on the child. If a mother devotes her time only to the baby, she will have problems in her personal and social life. And the baby will grow up spoiled, which will have a detrimental effect on his future fate.
Take time for yourself. If a mother takes care of herself, her husband, her child, and everyone around her will like it.
Communicate more. You shouldn’t sit within four walls, you need to go out and contact people. This way you can get a lot of positive emotions and make new friends.
Going out into the world without a child. It will be great if young parents do not forget about spending time together. It is also useful for a young mother to sometimes go to a friend's house or go shopping.
Involve your husband and relatives in caring for the child. If there is not enough communication while on maternity leave, you need to allow yourself to rest or do what you love. After all, not only the mother is obliged to care for the baby, the father and other relatives will do it with pleasure.
Raise your intellectual and spiritual level. This is the most important thing that can be advised, since the future fate of the family will depend on personal growth. If mom doesn't lag behind the times, it will raise her self-esteem, which will have a positive effect on her psychological state.
Learn to dream. Having given birth to a child, a woman has already fulfilled the main goal of her life. But this is just the beginning, because from this period all the fun begins. A representative of the fair sex needs to indulge in dreams in order to make promising plans for her future life.

How to learn to communicate

Do you want to become a sociable and pleasant conversationalist? To gain communication skills, try using the following recommendations:

listen carefully and do not interrupt the speaker;
do not judge or devalue the words of your interlocutor;
develop empathy: learn to empathize and respond to people’s feelings;
carefully observe the gestures and facial expressions of your interlocutor;
do not advise unless asked;
overcome your fears and improve your self-esteem;
learn to speak competently;
be friendly and respect other people's opinions;
get to know and communicate more with different people;
don't be afraid to open up.

Remember that communication skills do not develop quickly. It will take months, or even years, to get results. You will have to make an effort. With daily practice, don’t doubt – everything will work out! If you can’t cope on your own, seek help from a psychologist.