Sometimes it is difficult for us to look the other person in the eye: this phenomenon has a scientific explanation

In everyday life, we often use the following phrases: “eyes dart”, “promising look”, “strangely sparkling eyes”, “shoot with eyes”, “jinx”. The eyes are called the “mirror of the soul”, “window to the world”, “brain turned inside out”. Man himself is sometimes called a “big-eyed animal,” emphasizing that it is through vision that he receives most of the information from the world around him.

Without looking into your eyes

Conversation is the most common way of exchanging information. But there are situations when a person avoids looking his counterpart in the eyes. Psychologists have identified a number of reasons why a person looks away and does not look his interlocutor in the eyes during communication. He's not necessarily lying, although most people would think so. In fact, a person may avoid eye contact for a number of reasons:

shyness;
lack of desire to delve into the essence of the conversation;
manifestation of indecision;
sympathy for the interlocutor and shyness;
irritation;
lack of empathy for the partner;
attempt to deceive.

View in gender relations

Gaze is of great importance in intersexual communication. Many women claim that they fall in love with a man after the first eye contact. If a man can withstand a woman’s persistent gaze, expressing his determination in it, in further communication she will unconsciously show more respect for him.

A woman’s look at a man is the primary test of his masculine qualities.

To quickly look away in such a situation and become embarrassed means admitting defeat. However, a woman must also be confident enough in her abilities to decide on such a test.

If the person you like averts your eyes, continue looking at him. If after this he looks at you again, this is a sure sign of sympathy. If at the same time a smile appears on his face, you can start the conversation without a doubt.

Which look is considered accidental and which is considered a conscious challenge? The normal time of eye contact, after which both people naturally avert their eyes, does not exceed 2–3 seconds. If a person looks at you longer, he probably has an interest in you.

Why is it important to make eye contact when speaking?

A strong and confident look speaks of a person’s strength. It is not enough to speak confidently and back up your words with actions, you need to behave like a confident person. This can be done using your gaze. Reasons why direct eye contact can be very important:

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a confident look elevates you in the eyes of another person;
is a sign of confidence and serious intentions;
speaks of openness and honesty.

Why is it important to make eye contact when speaking? How to learn not to be afraid to look people in the eyes? Most often, people do not look their interlocutor in the eyes because of fear and uncertainty. But a direct gaze builds trust and helps build relationships.

Shyness

This is one of those factors that is based on scientific statements. Shy people most often hide their feelings, which is why they cannot look directly into the eyes, because a look can tell everything. The deepest feelings and sensations will be read in it, be it love or hatred. Shy people are mostly closed, and therefore they do not want to be revealed.

Scientific research

Research from Kyoto University shows that during face-to-face communication, the brain becomes confused because it is unable to manage two apparently independent processes at the same time. To better understand what happens in the brain during a conversation, scientists asked 26 volunteers to take part in an association game, and each had to use a default noun to which they had to add a verb as quickly as possible. At the same time, they looked at photographs of people. In some of the pictures people made eye contact, while in others they looked away.

The first tasks were relatively simple: the standard word “knife” was easily answered with “cut” or “cut.” For the noun “ball,” the word chosen most often was “throw.” Other associations were more complex, for example, for the noun “folder” they selected the words “open”, “close”, “delete”, “search”, etc. In addition, it was more difficult for respondents to find associations when looking at a picture of a person, who looked into their eyes.

Eyes are the mirror of the soul

Experts from the University of California are convinced that 93% of the quality of communication is determined by non-verbal means. Body language, tone, timbre of voice and, of course, the expression of the eyes - all this helps to understand what a person really wants to say.

Other figures are given in a study led by Steven Janik and Rodney Wellens from the University of Miami in Florida: 44% of attention during communication is focused on the eyes and only 12% on the mouth. It is the eyes that are the “litmus test” of our emotions: they reflect fear, disappointment, bitterness, joy... But why then do we look away so often?

Scientists' conclusions

Although these two actions seem independent, people often look away from the other person during a conversation. Thus, scientists assume that both of these processes are connected. The effect was more pronounced when people tried to find a verb that went with less common nouns, so it follows that this activity uses the same parts of the brain as eye contact. The results show that in such situations, the brain, to avoid overload, breaks eye contact and concentrates on solving a word problem.

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The importance of eye contact

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How else does our perspective influence communication? The following facts are known in psychology:

People who make eye contact during conversations are perceived as more honest and open.
Lack of eye contact in a dialogue is interpreted by us as a lack of interest.
When speaking in public, a good speaker always looks around the audience to make eye contact with everyone. This makes his speech seem more convincing.
Eye contact when meeting someone is extremely important. An open and good-natured look forms 30% of a person’s primary attitude.
Quickly looking away during an acquaintance is read as instability of character and readiness to submit.

One thing follows from these facts: the strong-willed ability to hold gaze at the eyes of another person makes the image of the beholder stronger, more powerful and influential.

However, these rules cannot be called universal. Much depends both on the nature of the gaze and on the person. Someone will consider a long look as a sign of impoliteness, someone will start to get angry, someone will get scared.

It is necessary to maintain a balance of modesty and perseverance in the gaze, corresponding to the specific situation of communication with a person.

The main thing is not to provoke a defensive or negative reaction. You can subjugate a person to your will with your gaze by inspiring respect and demonstrating strong character, not aggression. The gaze should be calm, intent, without a shadow of pretense or shamelessness.

The reason is misfortune

Dr Peter Hills, who teaches psychology at Anglia Ruskin University, and Dr Michael Lewis from Cardiff University, have published a paper which suggests that unhappy people tend to avoid eye contact.

They are more likely to pay attention to a new hairstyle, beautiful shoes or the scent of perfume. Perhaps this happens because the suffering person does not want to immerse himself in the true emotional state of the interlocutor. He has his own problems “through the roof”!

Eyes as a mirror of facial expressions: functional load of gaze

The external manifestation of emotions is carried out through specific expressive movements that are the result of muscle activity. Although emotions are subjective experiences, research shows that they can be classified and grouped into basic categories such as anger, fear, sadness, joy, surprise, and disgust. These categories appear outwardly in similar ways among people from different cultures. The emotions of others affect people and infect them. The interlocutor’s smile causes an uncontrollable response smile, and the expression of anger causes wariness and a defensive reaction.

Let's consider individual facial expressions and their semantic load.

1. Pupil sizes

Eyes play an important role in human communication. Not everyone, however, knows that the reason for this is the size of the interlocutor’s pupils at the time of communication. Dilated pupils (a sign of arousal) are perceived by most people as an attractive sign. A person with dilated pupils is assessed by others as friendly, emotional, responsive, and benevolent. Constricted pupils, on the contrary, cause hostility. The same person, but with constricted pupils, is described by others as cold, distant, uncommunicative, selfish. You can recognize the gaze of a person in love by the pupils. Observations indicate that when looking at someone whom a person loves, his pupils reflexively dilate. Moreover, dilated pupils cause reciprocal excitement in the partner.

When analyzing this indicator, one must, however, keep in mind that the size of the pupil may depend on a number of external factors, such as the general illumination of the place in which the person is located, the position of his head relative to the light source. In bright light the pupils will be constricted, and in a dimly lit room they will be dilated. The size of the pupils also depends on the visual acuity of the individual. In people suffering from myopia who do not wear glasses, the pupils are dilated, while in people who are farsighted, their pupils are constricted. Conclusions regarding changes in the emotional state and comparative comparisons can only be made taking into account these parameters.

2. Frequency and duration of gaze

The frequency and nature of the gaze (its duration and angle of direction) may indicate the nature of the attitude towards a given partner.

Within our culture, a glance directed at another person can be directed to different areas of the face and body and, depending on this, carries different information about the nature of communication. Thus, a business look concentrates on the forehead and eyes of the interlocutor and creates a serious atmosphere. Social gaze focuses on the level of the interlocutor's eyes and mouth. This look is conducive to friendly communication. An intimate gaze extends from eye level down to other parts of the interlocutor’s body (in close contact - from the eyes to the chest, when communicating at a distance - from the eyes to the level of the crotch). The intimate gaze is used by men and women, and its purpose is to establish a relationship with a potential sexual partner. In men, an intimate gaze is more pronounced and more accurately recognized by women than vice versa. Using a businesslike attitude when courting often causes alienation.

A direct gaze means a threat, a warning, or a challenge. This demonstration is widespread in the animal kingdom. Typically, dominant gazes are directed towards subordinates if they violate the rules of etiquette, or at a stranger who dares to invade someone else's territory. In this context, it serves as a threat signal. A gaze-threat in monkeys is often accompanied by other components of facial expression—raised eyebrows, movement of the skin on the forehead, chewing movements, and a grin. Subordinates, as a rule, avoid looking directly at high-ranking group members; their gaze is quick, sliding, half-turned. The signal is also clear at the interspecies level (dog owners know well that they should not look their pets in the eyes. This either causes frustration or aggression in them). In human society, a direct gaze combined with a tense face is often perceived as threatening. Representatives of all cultures understand such facial expressions. It is easy to recognize such a hostile gaze by the constricted pupils.

The gaze is often combined with raised eyebrows and raised upper eyelids (giving the impression that the eyes are bulging) and in this context is clearly read as a threatening gaze in many cultures. Gazing can also be a sign of love and affection (partners look at each other more than 2/3 of the time they communicate). However, in this case it is difficult to confuse it with a threat, since other components of facial expressions are sharply different. Thus, the pupils are usually dilated, there is a smile on the face, wrinkles appear in the corners of the eyes, and the corners of the mouth are raised.

According to ethological observations, if during communication a person looks at his partner less than 1/3 of the time, then this may be a sign that he is not telling something, is trying to hide something, or that he is too timid by nature (the latter is easy to establish even with a slight acquaintance). People undoubtedly use and recognize such signs in their daily lives, and they are able to evaluate the quality of relationships between others according to this criterion.

3. Frequency of glances

This sign is the most important universal indicator of social status. It has been shown that the frequency of glances directed at a more senior individual is much higher than the frequency of glances received by a subordinate from a dominant. These glances have a shorter duration, and they are difficult to confuse with gazes-threats even to an inexperienced observer. The frequency of glances describes the “structure of attention.” The term was proposed by M.R. Chance and was first used to describe social structure in monkeys. The structure of attention describes the hierarchical relationships between group members sometimes more accurately than the frequency and direction of agonistic contacts.

This indicator has an unambiguous interpretation in relation to many social species of animals, including humans. It is especially effective for describing the structure of social connections in children's groups. By which of the children most often finds themselves in the center of attention, on whom the views of the majority are directed, on whom they try to imitate and copy, one can calculate the leader and subordinates in various cultures (among Russians, Kalmyks, Germans and Bushmen).

4. Blinking one and two eyes

This action is an important non-verbal signal in many cultures, particularly in Russian. People wink at each other to reach a certain agreement or to show that they understand each other when someone else is present. However, in many Asian cultures, winking is often perceived as an insult, and if you wink during a conversation, the other person may take offense at you.

5. Eye Contact: Gender and Cross-Cultural Differences

Eye contact is especially important for initiating social relationships. This behavior has gender differences and is more significant for women. As observations show, men rarely decide to start communicating with women if this is not preceded by a look from their side. This look can take the form of direct open eye contact, or a shy gaze. In the latter case, the contact lasts about a second, then quickly moves to the side (this action is accompanied by a slight smile and a slight blush, often while the woman again looks sideways at this partner).

His social success significantly depends on how skillfully a person uses his gaze. Experiments show that with the help of gaze you can improve relationships with other people. To do this, when communicating, you need to make eye contact with this person at least 60-70% of the time. Recommendations of this kind are applicable, however, not in all cases. Great difficulties arise when representatives of distant cultures come into contact.

Significant cross-cultural differences regarding the role of gaze in social communication and its expressiveness can be traced between low-contact and high-contact cultures. Southern Caucasians are characterized, for example, by a high frequency and usually longer duration of gaze compared to northern Caucasians. As a result, such natural, from the point of view of Italians or Spaniards, behavior as direct looking into the eyes of the interlocutor or simply openly examining others, when contacting the British or northern Germans, is often regarded as an insult. True, in some cases, among northern Caucasians (Swedes, Danes), with a low frequency of gaze, its duration can be very high.

Misunderstandings associated with different ideas about the permissibility of gaze are also common when communicating between representatives of high-contact cultures. The gaze, for example, plays an extremely significant role in the lives of Russians and Japanese. However, for Russians, it is the expressive gaze as such that speaks, while for the Japanese the main burden falls on avoiding the gaze. Japanese etiquette prohibits looking into the eyes of your interlocutor when communicating. Women don't look men in the eyes, and vice versa. Japanese lecturers do not look at the audience, but somewhere to the side. A subordinate receiving a reprimand from his boss lowers his eyes to the floor and smiles. When communicating, the Japanese, as a rule, direct their gaze to the neck area, which causes Europeans to feel a lack of contact with the interlocutor. In turn, eye contact from Europeans in the direction of the interlocutor is almost intolerable to the Japanese.

In terms of the nature of eye contact, differences are observed even between American and English cultures. Americans look into the eyes of the interlocutor only to make sure that he is listening to them. For similar purposes, the British look into the face of their interlocutor, blinking periodically. In Russia, a close look in the direction of the speaker is a sign of good manners and upbringing. However, Russians look at their partner longer and more directly than the British, therefore, when they get to England and follow the traditions of their native culture, they risk getting into an awkward position. However, a direct, long gaze is typical of the Danes and Swedes, and in this indicator they sometimes even surpass the Russians.

In the culture of the peoples of the Far East (for example, the Japanese), a straightened back when sitting and a slightly tilted head with closed eyes means close attention and deep interest in what the interlocutor is saying. A European lecturer who is not prepared for this can experience deep stress at the sight of such a completely detached, from the point of view of European standards, student audience. In many hierarchically rigidly structured societies, people with low status are prohibited from raising their eyes to their superiors (countries of Western Asia).

The prohibition on looking can be gender specific. In some cultures (Arabs, Turks, Georgians, Armenians), men can look directly in the direction of both men and women, but a woman's direct gaze in the direction of a man is considered completely unacceptable. Among Arabs, Turks, and many Caucasian peoples, this behavior is interpreted as a provoking signal. When communicating with men, women are instructed to lower their eyes or look at their interlocutor with a glance, without lingering long on his face.

From the perspective of most European cultures, an open, direct gaze is a sign of a lack of guilt. But not in all societies such a view is acceptable when communicating with elders or more respected ones. Therefore, a teacher trying to identify the “culprit” among students in a multinational class (for example, if there are Germans, Turks and Puerto Ricans studying there at the same time) must be aware of which nationality he is dealing with. In a number of cultures, there is a strict prohibition on looking directly into the face of an elder.

Patterns of eye contact (with cultural implications) are a reliable indicator of mental health. Psychiatric practitioners use nonverbal cues to diagnose mental illness. It has been reliably established that the majority of patients with schizophrenia avoid eye contact with the doctor (65% of patients), and only 4% of healthy people adhere to this strategy. The same author notes that patients with delusional and hallucinatory-delusional syndromes prefer continuous eye contact with rare blinking, and drug addicts during a conversation prefer to look at their own hands or look up.

6. Smiling as a universal and culturally specific signal

Research by ethologists indicates the universality of the human smile and the deep phylogenetic roots of this facial expression.

Already in the middle of the last century (1862), the French neuroanatomist Duchenne de Bologne noted that a smile of pleasure (a smile in its primary context) differs in appearance from an intentional smile in the nature of contractions of two facial muscles: the zygomatic major and the periorbital ( orbicularis oculi). The first pulls the corners of the mouth upward, the second pulls the skin from the cheekbones and forehead towards the eyeball. The zygomatic major muscle is subject to controlled actions, while the periocular muscle acts automatically, on a subconscious level, and reflects true emotions. Therefore, as Duchesne rightly believed, a true smile is almost impossible to fake.

B. Duchenne's discovery remains relevant today. The only clarification made by Paul Ekman and his colleagues concerns the need to differentiate the contraction of the external and internal portions of the periorbital muscle. Most people are able to control the contraction of the inside of this muscle. Thus, with a sincere smile of pleasure in a person, the outer part of the periocular muscle must invariably contract. Ekman identifies up to 18 types of smiles. A smile of pleasure is associated with pleasant emotions, joy and relaxation. Other types of smiles include variations of the fake smile, the purpose of which is to confuse the interlocutor (demonstration of an attitude that is not really present), the submissive smile, the smile of fear, the smile of embarrassment, etc. It has also been shown that a true and fake smile are controlled by different parts of the brain.

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