People who are not burdened by moral prejudices divorce and marry several times in their lives. Therefore, it is not surprising that jealousy of an ex-wife or girlfriend often becomes the cause of irritation for many women. This leads to their excessive suspicion and intra-family scandals.
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Why does jealousy arise towards your ex-wife?
Most often, jealousy of a spouse's ex-wife occurs in women with low self-esteem. They always compare themselves with all their husband's friends and find that their ex-wives are much better and more attractive.
But sometimes a man himself gives reasons for suspicion - he regularly communicates with former relatives: his wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, etc. Most often this happens if people are connected by a common business, financial interests or a joint hobby.
It hurts a woman’s pride if her husband keeps gifts and does not remove his previous spouse from friends on social networks, calls her on the phone or texts her. This becomes a significant reason for jealousy towards the ex-wife.
A woman who is confident in the polygamy of men believes that her husband will not want to say goodbye to any past relationships, but will save them “just in case.”
In addition, a man can have children from previous marriages. If he regularly sees the child, then he is definitely meeting his mother, so the usual feeling can flare up with renewed vigor.
Advice from psychologists
Advice from a psychologist will tell you how to suppress jealousy of your wife’s past. Any experienced specialist will prescribe you 3 recipes for saving your marriage in such a situation:
- Get rid of bad thoughts from your head . Just forbid yourself to think about who your wife was with before you. She is with you here and now, focus on this. Quell your anxiety with good memories of your relationship.
- Work on your self-esteem . In order not to be afraid that your spouse will prefer another man, value yourself. Set goals, achieve them, work on yourself. Nothing encourages you more than overcoming obstacles and learning new skills.
- Stop judging and evaluating. Has your wife previously shown frivolity in choosing men? Did you change your sympathies? You cannot evaluate other people's actions from the point of view of your own morality. Everyone commits misdeeds; this is not a reason to give up on a person.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
As a rule, spinning unfounded thoughts poisons life. In order not to give yourself a reason to doubt anything, you can talk frankly, ask questions, ask about what worries you. Trusting and open relationships will prevent any misunderstandings and crises.
Why does a man still communicate with his ex?
Every woman is individual. The man, communicating with his ex, gained certain life experience. He had already figured out her inclinations and preferences, so he made conclusions for himself about her positive traits.
And even after entering into a new marriage, a man does not want to lose the friendship and help of his previous wife, which can be useful to him.
Sometimes this happens for purely mercantile purposes, when, for example, his wife was his business partner and performed duties that he has to learn again, or a woman has a higher level of education and can help with advice.
Common hobbies also play an important role - people can meet in the same interest club, go hiking together or attend a dance studio, but the current girlfriend prefers a more relaxed pastime.
But the reasons for communicating with his ex-wife may also be hidden in the man’s inability to adapt to everyday life. Perhaps he was used to the fact that his wife was well versed in household affairs, but in his new marriage he was not ready to become a leader at home.
Such a man is used to trusting women's opinions. If his current wife relies on her husband for everything, then if he has friendly relations with his ex-wife, he will not waste time looking for answers to everyday questions on the Internet, but will turn to his previous chosen one for help, keeping in mind her talents and rich life experience.
In addition, the presence of common children plays an important role in the regular communication of their parents. These people have the same goals: they want to raise worthy successors to their family.
The father will worry that the mother alone is raising her son too gently, spoiling her daughters and not always noticing changes in the behavior and preferences of the children in time. Such communication between former spouses may be accompanied by quarrels and mutual reproaches, but will only end when the children become adults and independent.
Low self-esteem
The woman believes that she is worse than her lover’s former passions: less slender, bright, smart, successful, and so on. This further reduces self-esteem and makes you nervous. Indeed, how can you keep such an ideal husband if you yourself are far from a goddess?
I didn't have any problems with this. I believed that I was more beautiful, slimmer, smarter, more attractive, wiser. And my man supported me in this.
Advice. It is important to understand that there will always be someone better than you, this is normal. But this fact does not mean that you are not worth attention! Each person is unique, with his own strengths, amazing abilities and inclinations, and these are the ones that need to be developed, nurtured, and used to achieve your goals in life. Love yourself and your husband will adore you.
Also, do not completely immerse yourself in your spouse, forgetting about yourself. A sober mind will tell you what to do. You don’t need to hang around your partner, but become a person yourself who is interesting to him. Remember your skills and passions, play sports, go to the pool, find a new hobby and make time for your own affairs and meetings with friends. This way there will be less time left for stupid thoughts, there will be a reason to be proud of yourself and an understanding that you are worthy of a husband, so why should he look around?
How to deal with your feelings and reduce jealousy towards your ex-wife
Any previous relationship leaves a mark on a person’s soul. Therefore, a woman should not torment herself with unfounded suspicion and ruin her husband’s life.
You need to take a sober look at his actions and draw the right conclusions for yourself on how you can stop being jealous of your husband’s ex-wife and child.
Self confidence
First of all, you need to get rid of complexes about your appearance. If a man chooses a woman, it means she suits him and likes her. No person is without flaws, and small flaws can be corrected with the help of specialists and proper self-care.
A husband will always appreciate and will not exchange for anyone a wife who looks prettier, dresses tastefully and is in an invariably good mood. Feel irresistible, despite all your shortcomings, and you will seem more attractive to your husband than even the most sophisticated beauties.
Read more, take an interest in all world achievements, have your own opinion. Thus, you will become an interesting partner for your husband and a support in any of his endeavors. Don't be shy about appearing smarter than your spouse. If he feels in you not only a domestic servant, but also an ally, he will be imbued with gratitude and love for you.
Pleasant weather at home
A woman is the keeper of the home. Create such a microclimate at home so that a man will be pleased to return to a new family after hard work or communication with capricious children.
Never meet your husband angry or sullen. Turn all family dinners into small holidays, come up with new and healthy dishes, arrange romantic evenings and involve your spouse in preparing weekend dinners.
In addition, you need to hide your grievances and doubts away. If peace and mutual understanding reign in the family, then the husband will not remember the past and the dignity of his ex-wife.
Children are his wealth
For a person, all his children are equally important.
For a parent, children are his embodiment and continuation.
Be prudent and do not interfere with your spouse’s communication with all his sons and daughters. He considers himself responsible for their development and upbringing, so he always comes to the children.
If a man treats his child well, then the wife can be confident in the future of the children they have together. Their father will never abandon them and will always support them. This will be a great incentive for the desire to have a child.
Leave your past life in the past, and jealousy towards your ex-wife will stop tormenting you
If you react violently to your husband's stories about his past life, then this, of course, causes him dissatisfaction. A man's current position largely depends on the foundation that was laid earlier.
Convince yourself that previous family relationships were only a stage on the path to the development of your spouse’s personality. And the desire for new achievements and the achievement of future heights should be ensured by new love.
Under no circumstances should you try to hide or throw away gifts your husband received from former relatives. These things, familiar to a man, may simply be something he likes or needs, and he has long forgotten when and for what reason they were presented to him.
Heart to heart conversations
Nothing brings a couple together like a trusting relationship. Try to share with your spouse your doubts and worries regarding his previous relationships.
Draw your husband's attention to the moments in life that irritate you the most.
Maybe this is the specific time and duration of his communication with children from previous marriages, or perhaps the fact that he hides his correspondence with his previous wife from you.
Talk to your husband about your grievances calmly and without hysteria. Explain that you have a great attitude towards your husband’s ex-wife, but household chores also require male participation, and your sensitive nature protests against deception and reticence.
Foul play
The integrity of your family can be shaken by gossip and slander from friends, relatives or neighbors. There are people who are annoyed by other people's happiness.
But such rumors can also be spread by your husband’s ex-wife who wants to get him back. Try not to react to the comments of ill-wishers.
If doubts about your spouse’s fidelity have crept into your soul, then try to call him to openness and find out if there are reasons for concern.
A wise woman will sense something is wrong if a man hides his eyes and avoids giving a direct answer. But he will immediately calm down and understand when the spouse honestly talks about the reasons for communicating with his former family.
Protect your borders
Try to create conditions for your husband so that he wants to spend a lot of time with you. Make your man feel like you are a devoted and irreplaceable friend, with whom you can not only have a good time, but also do joint work or creativity.
Participate in all your husband’s endeavors—hiking trips, outings, and improving your home. But do it gradually and unobtrusively.
Study everything your spouse is interested in - follow sports news, be interested in the names of the winning teams, stay up to date with the latest automobile products.
When your husband gets used to your company and appreciates your merits and successes, then even fishing or football it will be more pleasant for him to go with his wife than with the neighbor guys.
But you shouldn’t lose your femininity. If you like dancing, fitness or swimming, then involve your husband in your circle of interests. Joint activities and your husband’s sincere feelings will help you get rid of sad thoughts, suspicions and jealousy.
Try to make friends with your spouse's children. But not in order to find out his secrets, but so that their meetings with their father and festive events (birthdays, New Year's Eve) take place not only away from the family, but also in your home.
Olga F.
The habit of constantly evaluating the relationship with your loved one
Sometimes you want to objectively assess the situation in the family and your husband’s attitude, and here suspicions of infidelity may arise, for example, due to the fact that your husband has begun to pay less attention to you.
This is what I am guilty of to this day. Just the other day, an eclipse came over me, and I accused my beloved that he stopped paying attention to me, didn’t invite me for a walk, and in general I was so unhappy, I even burst into tears from self-pity. To wind up something that doesn’t exist – well, I’m a woman. And a woman can create a scandal out of nothing. As a result, my husband brought me a stunning bouquet of roses. But you can’t do that!!!!
Advice. It is important to dispassionately analyze the husband’s behavior; most likely, he simply does not have time for the courtship that has become habitual during the bouquet and candy period, life has returned to a calm direction and now there is no need to give his beloved gifts and compliments. Why, if you already legally belong to him? There is nothing wrong with a slight cooling of feelings; it does not mean at all that a man gives his attention to other ladies. It is necessary to learn to trust your spouse - this is a sign of maturity of the relationship.
Your significant other's past
If you find out that your significant other has no one to think about except you, try to come up with a new behavior strategy together. That is, decide what measures you will take to improve the current situation (in particular, what actions are needed on her part to make it easier for you to cope with jealousy). If your lover also has a past that worries her, ask her to tell you more about it. Perhaps the woman is going through the same thing as you. It is very important to be aware of the past so as not to repeat the same mistakes and be disappointed again.
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