How to respond to rudeness at work?

Adviсe

Signs of an unhealthy team
Reasons for rudeness
How to react to a boor?
Boss's rudeness
Rudeness of colleagues
Rudeness of a subordinate
Options
Prevention: how to prevent boorish behavior of others at work

Spending most of your life at work, you want mutual understanding and humanity in your relationships with your team. The desire is understandable, but not always feasible. Rudeness at work is not uncommon. Business ethics is not supported by all organizations. Getting personal and rude behavior affects the employee’s self-esteem, worries distract him from his work, and productivity drops.

What is the reason for rudeness and how to resist rude people? You will have to master methods of protecting and preventing inappropriate behavior in a team.

Signs of an unhealthy team

Rudeness at work in many cases is a consequence of poor management. People in a team unite into a single organism. The behavior of one employee affects the work of others. To respond to rudeness, determine the reason for its occurrence. You need to start with an analysis of the working climate.

Rudeness flourishes where business ethics are forgotten. It’s easy to identify an unhealthy team. Its main features:

Indifference of employees to work, relationships among colleagues, events in the business life of the team. It is easy to say rudeness if a person does not respect and value colleagues, subordinates or superiors. Nervousness and irritability. Appears in teams with ineffective organization of work and rest. Stress reduces the level of self-control and rudeness breaks out. Envy of other people's successes. In a group of envious people and gossipers, whispers behind your back and obvious rudeness in your face are commonplace. Rejection of new team members. Stagnation turns out to be a guarantor of stability. A new employee is a headache and a harbinger of change. It’s easier to crush a newbie with rudeness. Shifting responsibility. In case of trouble, team members blame each other, awakening aggression in their ranks. Difficult relationship with the manager. The boss sets the vector of business communication. If he is rude to his subordinates, then an unfavorable psychological situation will develop among the employees.

In such a situation, the only effective way out is to treat the team. You won’t be able to resist the crowd alone; it will demolish and crush the daredevil. If you value your job and position, you will have to accept animal laws and start strengthening your nervous system. When you have nothing to lose, act: transfer to another hotel, start looking for a new job.

Rule 6. Boss versus boss.

There is a special method that helps to maintain calm, self-confidence and a firm tone in a conversation - the biofeedback method (BFB). This is a scientific method of psycho-emotional self-regulation, which is based on ancient practices including breathing control, concentration and relaxation. It helps people control their emotions and manage their emotional and physical states. Biofeedback is a technique that allows you to manage your physiological state as a whole and the activity of individual body systems (respiratory, cardiovascular, nervous, etc.). One of the biofeedback techniques is the technique of diaphragmatic relaxation breathing, in which the diaphragm is included in the breathing process.

With this type of breathing, we slow down the exhalation and thereby turn on the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for emotional inhibition (calming). If you learn to speak while breathing out, pronouncing your words clearly, slowly and confidently, your speech will sound convincing, and thereby you will force your boss to listen to your words. That is, you don’t chatter, don’t shout over him or make excuses, but calmly and clearly state your position AS YOU EXHALE.

Biofeedback therapy is actively used as a self-help method for overcoming stressful situations, normalizing the emotional background, increasing stress resistance and acquiring relaxation skills. To fully master the biofeedback technique, you need to contact a psychologist specializing in this area.

Reasons for rudeness

Rudeness is rude, harsh and inappropriate behavior. Each person has his own evaluation criteria. An experienced warrior will accept a harsh remark as the norm, unlike a sensitive young lady. Before you commit rash acts, take a closer look at the rude person. Determine what hidden motives drive him.

Desire to stand out

A person suffering from attention deficit tries to win it in any way. It does not matter whether he receives support and approval, or is condemned by the team. Attention is the only goal of rude behavior.

Self-affirmation

By humiliating a person with a rude statement, a boor tries to raise low self-esteem. He perceives boorish dialogue as a battle for the right to be the strongest. The driving force of this person is an inferiority complex.

Stress

Rudeness is an outlet for tension. The nervous system wears out, self-control weakens and negativity spills over onto others. One sharp attack is not worth close attention. But a person who cannot cope with aggression constantly poses a danger to the team.

Heightened self-esteem

When self-esteem is inadequately high, rudeness becomes the norm. A narcissistic person does not take into account the norms and values of the team; he does not care about the feelings of other people. He is ready to go over his head and trample on someone else's self-esteem, without thinking about the consequences.

Natural roughness

Excessive directness of statements is often perceived as rudeness. It is customary in society to smooth over unpleasant truths and present them in a correct form. When a statement goes beyond the boundaries established by a person or society, it is perceived as rude and inappropriate.

Aggression

When a person perceives others as enemies and suspects conspiracy at every corner, he takes a defensive position. Rudeness is a way of self-defense from imaginary problems.

Let me criticize you

The world is changing and it may seem that today we live and work in a world of hypersensitive people who are ready to be mortally offended by any reasonable remark - the document was executed inappropriately or the application deadlines were not met.
Not all corporate disputes can be a manifestation of rudeness, because rudeness does not equal criticism. When an employee is told in a complicated way that he is not a professional, is this rudeness? Sometimes it may not even be counted as a slight insult. Every person has the right to an opinion, but not everyone has a sufficient supply of psycho-emotional energy and patience to express it politely (“let me criticize you”). And sometimes they can tell you straight up: “You are unprofessional” and be 100% right. If the remark that you hear can be defined as criticism, which has a factual basis, then it cannot be prohibited; your interlocutor has the right to do so. You can only ask to criticize in a more polite manner. With rudeness everything is much simpler. Before storming the premises, special forces use a flash-noise grenade. The task of the grenade is to unbalance all the sensory systems of the enemy located there: he must go blind, deaf and lost in space. And rudeness in the corporate space is the same grenade that does not hurt, but disorients.

Boss's rudeness

Openly fighting with your boss, getting into a fight, or trying to make him laugh is not an appropriate option if you want to keep your job. Rude management stems from incompetence. Think about what motivates your leader. If he is a tyrant by nature and is accustomed to controlling any movement of his subordinates, not allowing anyone to say a word against him, it will not be possible to fight him openly. Public actions are especially dangerous.

A common cause of rudeness is misunderstanding or incompetence of the employee.

Good people, why are you so angry?

As a rule, boors are people who:

want to assert themselves at the expense of others,
demonstrate their strength on a weaker person, in their opinion
(the consequences of such mistakes can be seen in videos on YouTube with the title “Run into the wrong one...”),
throw out their emotions with the help of the conflict that they provoke with rudeness.

Most often, these are emotional people who first do something and then think. Also, the cause of rudeness can be problems and complexes originating from childhood or adolescence.

Rudeness of a subordinate

Rudeness on the part of a subordinate is a dangerous situation. By leaving things to chance, you risk losing authority, without which the boss cannot manage the team. You cannot show weakness and follow the lead of a boor. By responding to rudeness with rudeness, you risk losing respect from other subordinates. To get out of such a situation, you need to use tactful methods that indicate your superiority.

How to punish an employee for boorish behavior?

The Labor Code of the Russian Federation does not contain clauses that provide for any punishment for a rude employee. However, the employer has the right to establish specific rules of conduct and compliance with business ethics in the company’s internal regulations, in job descriptions, and also indicate them in the employment contract. The employee must be familiarized with these documents against signature.

So, if the necessary rules are spelled out in the documents, the employee can be subject to disciplinary action for displaying rude attitude. For example, reprimand or reprimand him.

You can read more about disciplinary sanctions and how they are applied in this article.

Options

Break the script

Whatever the boor’s motives, he already has a scenario in his head. Your task is to destroy it. Use a distraction. Say something the rude person doesn't expect to hear. Ask about the reasons for his conclusions and suspicions. Ask why he cares about your personal life, doesn’t he have his own? You will achieve your ultimate goal if the boor begins to make excuses. The skirmish will quickly subside.

In a conversation with your boss, words of gratitude will be an unexpected move. Calmly say that you appreciate the time and effort spent on you. Thank you for the “valuable advice.” The main thing is to remain serious. Such a situation will confuse the boss, and he will calm down.

Give a clear fight back

Your task is not to cross the line of rudeness. A couple of well-aimed barbs are enough to put a person in his place. Don't engage in active dialogue. An unexpected answer after a theatrical pause will sober up the rude person. To finish off the offender, say that you had a better opinion of him. Please note that rudeness does not suit him.

Hit the weak spot

He is convinced that rudeness protects his inner coward. Dispel illusions. Show that you saw the true face of the offender, hint to him about it.

A coward chooses the target of attacks from among those who do not foretell danger. By convincing the rude person otherwise, you will insure yourself against further attacks from him.

Ignore

If you understand that you don’t have enough strength to give a decent rebuff, try not to pay attention to the boor. Ignoring sudden attacks is difficult, but effective. This method will work great with attention-seeking bullies. Without receiving the expected reaction, the boor will feel uncomfortable.

Play the role with dignity: sad sighs and rolling your eyes will not do. Convince yourself that the offender is an empty place, he is not worthy of attention.

Silence can be the calm before the storm. You will observe the rude person and collect the necessary information. If the boor does not calm down, use the information received by stepping on the offender’s sore spot.

Talk

When rudeness becomes a consequence of misunderstanding or life difficulties, talk to the person. Find a common language, show participation in his life. Solving problems through constructive dialogue is the pinnacle of business communication.

If the reason for rudeness is problems in your personal life, there is a high probability that the person will stop and apologize.

Make a joke

A joke will put a boor in an awkward position, especially in public. Sneeze demonstrably, apologize and say that you are allergic to rudeness. Don't use this technique with your boss. By joking with management, you risk completely ruining the relationship and leaving the workplace.

Fantasize

Use this technique when communicating with your boss. If he is being rude and trying to put you down, take your mind off his words. Imagine your boss as a participant in a comical situation. Why does he take it out on you? Maybe at home he is a small and quiet henpecked man, bringing slippers to his formidable wife?

Don't take rudeness to heart. The boor is looking for your pain points. Don't show that his goal has been achieved. Understand that the words of a rude person are guesses and provocations. You are not responsible for someone else's mood and upbringing. Boors sense people with low self-esteem; they subconsciously choose the victim who is most susceptible to harsh attacks. Work on your weaknesses in advance. Build self-confidence.

Control yourself. Being rude in response to rudeness does not make you a hero. Consider it a test of endurance. Inhale and exhale slowly. Count to 10. Think of a delicious dinner and a loving spouse at home. Take a break from the irritating actions of the rude person. The solution will come by itself.

Speak only after a pause. Don't stop the boor. Let him speak out.

Focus on the situation. Hasty conclusions will work against you. There are no universal actions in the fight against rudeness. You'll have to think about it. Don't be afraid of procrastination. Make the pauses theatrical and exciting. Develop sensitivity. The more subtly you feel about a person, the more accurate the answer will be.

Don't forget to be positive. A smile is disarming.

Learn to relax

To make routine duties and boring actions cause you less irritation and rejection, try to disrupt the usual course of things, at least in small ways.
Otherwise, communicating with people, especially with visitors to your establishment or clients, can turn into real torture for you. Their unpleasant manners and last-ditch actions will suddenly break your patience. Then from a friendly person you can instantly turn into a neurotic. And the consequences can greatly damage your career. Therefore, we will immediately agree that annoying routine little things can seriously interfere with proper communication with people.

Let's say, if you are a seller, start laying out goods from different shelves. And during the prescribed break, either drink tea or just go outside and breathe some air. And if, for example, you are a taxi driver, try to choose different routes to the final destination. In general, figure out what and how you can change to make it psychologically easier for you.

When you come home after work, take off, like a uniform, other people’s worries and problems that you were burdened with at the workplace. To do this, be sure to change your outfit to home clothes - comfortable and cozy, take a shower or at least wash your face. Then take a break of 15-30 minutes to be alone with yourself and relax.

Do some special relaxation exercise

. For example, this:

Sit in a chair, take a comfortable position, place your hands on your knees and close your eyes.
Gradually relax the muscles from top to bottom, starting from the forehead, cheeks, lips, neck and ending with the calves and feet.
At the same time, imagine, for example, that you are warmed by the rays of the gentle spring sun. You feel warm, calm and pleasant.
Breathe evenly, and when you feel better, inhale deeply, then hold your breath and exhale vigorously.
After this, immediately open your eyes.

Don't try to pretend to be the smartest one

Can't figure out how to deal with boorish neighbors? There is no need to put yourself above others. Yes, your neighbors are deprived of intelligence if they behave shamelessly or simply ugly. But not everyone is as lucky as you. Perhaps people did not have the opportunity to obtain a higher education and had to take low-paying jobs to support their families. So don't wonder. If a person is rude to you, do not insult him in return. There is a possibility that boorish behavior is the norm for the person. She was used to communicating with people like herself, and a person had no opportunity to learn good manners. There is no need to re-educate a person and explain to a person that it is ugly to behave this way. Try to limit communication with the person. You don't have to listen to all the negativity that a person decides to throw at you.

Boorish colleague: who is to blame and what to do

It is not uncommon for a situation to arise where one employee engages in unacceptable behavior towards another colleague. The offended person asks for protection from his superiors, and when he doesn’t receive it, he quits. Is management to blame in this case?

From a universal point of view, it is possible, since the internal atmosphere is a consequence of the employer’s attitude. But from a legal position there are no grounds for the employer’s guilt. Guilt is a violation of certain legal norms. The Labor Code of the Russian Federation does not require the employer to provide the employee with comfortable psychological conditions for work.

The only exception is Art. 22 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation on labor protection requirements. If rudeness directed at a specific employee causes health problems and this can be proven, the company may share responsibility for compensation for moral damage. In practice, such precedents are extremely rare in courts.

REFERENCE! It is easier to recover damages from the offender himself, but this is already the competence of the Civil Code.

How to react to rudeness? It is useless to switch to the language of a boor

Most often , the first thing you want to do is respond to rudeness just as aggressively. And this is a normal reaction, which indicates that everything is fine with your internal boundaries, you feel their violation and can put the offender in his place, making it clear that you cannot do this to you.

However, in such a situation, it is worth remembering that switching to the language of a boor is useless - a constructive dialogue with him is impossible, and reading lectures and appealing to a sense of shame is a waste of time. This will only be an additional hook for the boor to further develop the conflict, feed on your energy and pump up his own ego.

In such a situation, it is best to restrain your impulse to respond with disgust to disgust , take a conditional step back and try to see what is actually hidden behind the mask of a boor. And if you manage to see, then the desire to be rude will immediately disappear, replaced by pity, sympathy and, perhaps, even compassion.

Instead of responding with rudeness, it is better to say something that will surprise, affect the boor, and change the picture of his world, in which all people are enemies and need to be protected from them. After showing kindness on your part, the boor's behavior will paradoxically change. For another minute or two, out of inertia, he will bite and defend himself, but then one way or another he will turn to his human nature, become softer and begin to demonstrate a completely different self.

I won't talk to you in that tone

Are you thinking about a way to respond to rudeness? The psychologist’s advice would be this: tell your offender the phrase “I won’t talk to you in that tone.” If a person has raised his voice, but has not yet lost his temper, you can cool his ardor. You may even have to back up your words. For example, a person insults you, you told him that you do not intend to conduct a dialogue in such a tone, but the person did not react to this in any way. You need to turn around and leave. This will be the best way out of such a situation. The next time a boor needs to talk to you, he will remember the experience of the previous conversation and will begin to behave more gently with you. Do not reproach the person for past grievances and speak to the person a second time as if you do not remember the previous conversation. But if your opponent again decides to demonstrate the less than attractive side of his personality, immediately use an effective phrase. This will knock down the person’s arrogance and help him return to a normal way of communicating.

How to apply punishment?

If an organization has specific rules of behavior, and an employee violates them, disciplinary action can be taken against him. It is carried out as follows:

First, you need to draw up an act that states the employee’s violation;
After this, the employee must be required to provide an explanation in writing. If the employee refused to provide it, a new act should be drawn up indicating the employee’s refusal to provide an explanation;
Next, you need to decide what punishment the employee deserves: a reprimand or a reprimand. This punishment must correspond to the violation;
Then, within a month after the violation is discovered, an order imposing disciplinary punishment should be issued.